Standing on the Promises: A Handbook of Biblical Childrearing

by Douglas Wilson

As parents, our greatest calling is the raising of our children in the nurture and admonition of the Lord. God has designed each family to be a culture with a language, customs, traditions, and countless unspoken assumptions. The culture of the family intimately shapes the children who grow up in it. It is the duty of parents to ensure that the shaping takes place according to biblical wisdom. Through the Messiah, God promised blessing to His people, "their children, and their children's children forever." The norm for faithful members of the covenant is that their children will follow them in their faithfulness. Unless we reestablish faithful Christian culture in countless homes, we will never reestablish it anywhere. Standing on the Promises brings clarity, providing parents with an insightful handbook on biblical childrearing, that avoids another paint-by-numbers method for parenting.

Genres: Parenting, Family, Theology, Christian, Nonfiction, Christian Living, Christianity

194 pages, Paperback

First published May 20, 1997

About the author

I write in order to make the little voices in my head go away. Thus far it hasn't worked.

Reviews

[Becky Pliego · Rating 5 out of 5]

2022: This book was pivotal in our home many years ago. Reading it now, as a grandmother, has been wonderful. Pastor Wilson explains with much clarity how parenting standing on God’s promises is the way to parent our children expecting a huge harvest.

This time my husband and I listened to the audiobook on the Canon+ app on our drive home from getting to know our sixth grandchild! God is good! 🙌🏼🙌🏼

***

2014: I absolutely love this book. The gospel is presented from all the angles as the only hope for both children and parents. Excellent.

Have read this book once a year for about 10 yrs now (2014).

[Betsy · Rating 4 out of 5]

I was a bit leery going into this book since I most definitely do not agree with the recent trends in Wilson's theology/practice (Federal Vision and co.), but I really appreciated this book. There are overtones in this book that tend towards some of the theology I find questionable, but overall, this is a very thought-provoking book. The general emphasis is on the covenantal nature of the family, particularly the covenantal responsibilities of parents and the resulting covenantal benefits for their children. I particularly appreciated his reminders of when to administer physical discipline, the description of the overall tone in the home, the distinction between house rules and biblical morality (and how that should affect our judgment of/encouragement of others outside our home with different rules), the treatment of the roles within the family, and the reminders that biblical living is not age-specific (in other words, "do all things without grumbling" applies equally to parents AND their one-year old child). Worth a read, but read discerningly; Wilson makes some very bold, categorical statements that have really prompted me to think and want to get in the Word more and study. This is a meaty book, but a fairly quick read nonetheless.

[Nick Whitehead · Rating 4 out of 5]

Took a break for awhile but finally finished this. Chapters 8 and 9 on discipline are gold. Wilson both encourages me to be more consistent and firm in discipline while also excercising self-control and tenderness and aiming for relational restoration. I needed the reminders in this book, especially the reminders that God will bless faithful and intentional parenting and that (despite what I’m tempted to believe in the moment) correcting my children’s sin will lead to a happier home. So much more to say and so much parenting wisdom. I so appreciate that he sets the bar high for kids and challenges parents to expect far more from them than we typically do. We shouldn’t underestimate what our children are capable of and we must be the shepherds who guide them towards Christ and the path of righteousness.

4 stars instead of five because of his paedobaptist covenant theology (primarily in the first 5 chapters).

[Rick Davis · Rating 5 out of 5]

Good reminders all around. All of Wilson's parenting books are great, but this one might be the most helpful.

[Andrew · Rating 5 out of 5]

I highly recommend reading or listening to this book if you want to have kids that are well behaved and grow up to be godly people. Wilson also makes great arguments for Christian parents to ensure their kids have a Christian education. One of the best reasons you should listen to what he says is that he and his wife did what he says and his children truly love the Lord and are godly people.

I know there is a lot I don’t know on the subject but I don’t agree with the extent of connection Wilson proposes there is between faithful parenting and the state of a child’s soul. He uses Bible verses to support his arguments but I think other passages and different translations of a verse allow for biblically based valid disagreement as to the extent of a couple of the things he argues.

Regardless, there is a lot I took away and hope to implement in my own family someday.

[Benjamin · Rating 5 out of 5]

Standing on the Promises: A Handbook of Biblical Childrearing by Douglas Wilson is absolutely amazing. This book on childrearing far exceeded my expectations making it, potentially, my favorite book from Pastor Wilson, if you’re single, married, no kids, about to have kids, just had a kid, or their grown. Get it. Read it. Share it!

[Alexis Kirsch · Rating 5 out of 5]

I loved this book! Even though I am still a single teenager I found so much wisdom that does apply to my life now as an older sister who is often put in charge of my younger siblings. I will most definitely use this knowledge when I have a family of my own, but even now I think there is so much in this book I can apply to my life today.

[Rusten]

Sobering wise counsel

[Parker Stoddard · Rating 5 out of 5]

Wilson balances doctrine and application very well in this one. He starts off with the covenantal unity regarding parents and their children in scripture and then moves to how it applies today. He offers wisdom for every stage of parenting and is very practical regarding biblical discipline and the restoration process. Christian parents simultaneously have the promises of God to stand on as they rear their children and also a massive responsibility to instruct them in the way they should go. Through God’s grace and our obedience to the word, we can see generational blessing poured out on our families and culture.

[John · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is the best book on parenting that I've read. Wilson builds his foundation from the Bible and explains the promises that obedient parents are given in the Bible--promises that God is faithful to keep. He then applies the foundation to practical wisdom in how to discipline and educate our children. If you're looking for a book on parenting--this is the place to start.

[Jason Garwood · Rating 5 out of 5]

It's very good.

[Mason Sherrill · Rating 5 out of 5]

Deeply thankful this book was written. Although this book is as practical as it gets, it’s theologically rich & indeed reminds the Christian parent of the promises they stand on in childrearing.
It’s a longer book, very worth while, but if I could encourage parents to at least read two chapters it would be Chapter 9 “The Application of Godly Wisdom” & the Epilogue.

[Shannon Hrinda · Rating 4 out of 5]

Overall, a good parenting book that really (and I think, rightly) encourages parents to take responsibility for how their children turn out. Focus on clear and helpful encouragement on how and why — how to obey the Lord in raising your children well, and why it matters.

I found the book very refreshing and encouraging.

Some of the book, especially the early chapters, could have been condensed. And the chapter on schooling I found very unhelpful, mostly focusing on what *not* to do rather than what should be done.

But chapter 9 (which was over an hour on the audiobook 🤯) was amazing. It was very practical. Worth it to check out the book just to read this chapter.

[Toby · Rating 4 out of 5]

This really is a great overview of the basic challenges, requirements, and of course the promises that attend Christian parenting. I read this several years ago, but this should probably be required reading every reading ever few years for parents in the thick of it.

[Kyle Grindberg · Rating 5 out of 5]

A very helpful, and encouraging read. I'm sure I'll be reading this again once the Lord grants us children!

[Grace Anne Vrazo · Rating 5 out of 5]

Excellent. Very convicting.

[Clint Lum · Rating 4 out of 5]

Helpful and practical. This is where Canon Press is at their best in my opinion.

[Caitlin Ray · Rating 5 out of 5]

A beautiful picture of covenantal child rearing. This book makes it sound like a breeze.

[Kofi Opoku · Rating 5 out of 5]

Excellent. Really liked what he had to say about discipline and parental responsibility, all of which make sense only in a covenantal framework.

[Allyson Smith · Rating 4 out of 5]

Great book on thinking about children covenantally. I really liked the chapter on discipline and will definitely be implementing some of his ideas in my own home in the future.

[Bethany Naykalyk · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is like a longer, more thoughtful version of Why Children Matter. An excellent reminder of our responsibilities as parents and a precise, careful account of how to go about carrying them out.

[Zach McDonald · Rating 4 out of 5]

The main thesis of Wilson's word on child rearing is simply this: God has made promises to Christian parents that faithful child rearing will result in godly offspring. The rest of the book lays out this argument, calls parents to stand on these promises and gives practical applications on how God calls his people to love, teach and discipline covenant children.

To Wilson, godly offspring should be the rule in the church, not the exception. Parents should expect their children to trust in Christ and to serve him all the days of their lives and Wilson gives sufficient Scripture to prove such a notion. Wilson believes that the church has moved away from teaching, encouraging and requiring this of its members and especially its leaders. He does not deny the depraved nature of covenant children or the exception to the rule of godly offspring, but believes that godly child rearing is a means that God uses to regenerate hearts and build his church. This part of the book was most encouraging to me but was also new and challenging. These are principles that I will have to continue to chew on and search the Scripture for.

With these principles in mind, Wilson spends the rest of the book working through the practical implications, commands and wisdom of biblical child rearing. Packed with Scripture, he provides more than enough insight on areas of education and discipline among other practices.

Most will find this book both encouraging and challenging. As always, Wilson does not hold back with his arguments but places them boldly in your face. As previously mentioned, I have a lot to chew on in the future and will be seeking the insight of other men in these principles.

[CJ Bowen · Rating 4 out of 5]

Read count: 2 (Most recent: August 14, 2013)

Full of solid, fatherly common sense and wise pastoral counsel. Wilson grounds the calling of childrearing in faith: the first job of any parent is to take God at His Word, and then seek to parent accordingly. When this is done, Christian parents can expect to see the fruit of faith: faithful children.

While the central message is positive, Wilson doesn't shy away from the negative: disobedient and rebellious kids are the result of faithless or disobedient parents. But even here, Wilson encourages with the gospel of grace for failed parents.

I do wish there was a section accounting for God's rebellious children despite His perfect parenting, and the analogous possibility in human parenting. I think this would deepen and strengthen (but not overthrow) the things he says here. The accent is surely in the right place: normally, parenting in faith according the Scriptures results in success, not failure.

[Adam T. Calvert · Rating 5 out of 5]

In usual Wilson style, this book was theologically meaty as well as practical with great insights.

There were some interesting views that I'm still having a hard time digesting (yet I'm also having a hard time refuting them with anything other than, "that doesn't seem right").

Better than any other typical parenting book on the market (as with his book on marriage), offering stories and anecdotes with some Scripture sprinkled on top (or even throughout), Douglas Wilson's style is to build from Scripture and theology within and without the entire book, culminating in practical application that is adaptable to whatever your situation is in regard to your children's ages.

Highly recommended to any parents seeking Biblical wisdom in raising your children in the discipline and instruction of the Lord (which I hope, by God's grace, would be all Christian parents). ;)

[Brian · Rating 4 out of 5]

Again, really good balanced advice.

Edit: Re-read recently. Still amazing. My one caveat would be that this was written during the heat of the anti-Dispensational Covenantal phase, and so Doug has to spend a lot of time trying to work hard to establish the continuity of the covenant on certain matters. He could have outflanked a lot of things if he had simply argued for his principles based on natural law and experience, rather than always trying to point to a Bible verse. That would be why I'd give a copy of Why Children Matter to new parents, rather than this book. However, this is still amazing and full of sound wisdom.

[Brandon Barnes · Rating 5 out of 5]

Excellent book about Biblical parenting. Topics covered include God's promises to obedient parents, the way to properly discipline and reconcile with your child, and the difference between parenting from your 'own' authority or from the authority given you by God. There are more topics covered, of course, but these were the ones that were most beneficial to me.

One of my favorite things about this book was that EVERYTHING was backed up with Scripture. It is not uncommon for Christian authors to use a single half verse as a spring board then write for chapters without referencing back to the Word again. Doug does an excellent job of referencing Scripture frequently and correctly.

[Gary · Rating 4 out of 5]

After an excellent summary of why we must regard our children as in the Covenant, and what that really means, Doug passes on to the practical stuff of teaching and discipline. A thorough mixture of sound principles and wise advice from an intelligent father and pastor.

Loved it.

Favourite part: the advice on discipline followed closely by the section on the continuity of the old and new administrations of the Covenant.

[Jessi Schwind · Rating 5 out of 5]

Such a helpful book on Biblical discipline. The biggest takeaway for me was being able to recite Bible verses corresponding to the sins we might be disciplining our children for. I wrote them down for future reference so that I can point my kids to scripture instead of just having willy nilly rules.

[John]

As always, Doug is a great writer and very biblical in his approach to everything. Many many talking points with my wife as I went through this. Also worth a re-read as we progress through the different seasons of parenting.

[Winnie Thornton · Rating 5 out of 5]

Yep.