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Washington, E.T.
For the podcast 372 Pages We'll Never Get Back, Conor Lastowka and Michael J. Nelson (Rifftrax, Mystery Science Theater 3000) read books they’re pretty sure they’re going to hate.
Mike and Conor decided to challenge their Patreon supporters at collectively writing a novel. Everyone received a page number, then Mike, Conor, and Kevin Murphy wrote a few pages at the beginning, middle, and end of a novel that did not exist yet, but had this premise: The president is an alien. The jackals (what they call their beloved fans) did the rest, and this is the result.
Mike and Conor decided to challenge their Patreon supporters at collectively writing a novel. Everyone received a page number, then Mike, Conor, and Kevin Murphy wrote a few pages at the beginning, middle, and end of a novel that did not exist yet, but had this premise: The president is an alien. The jackals (what they call their beloved fans) did the rest, and this is the result.
- GenresHumor
143 pages, Unknown Binding
Published July 1, 2020
1 person is currently reading
10 people want to read
About the author
Jack Ells
1 book3 followersJack Ells is literally 188 people in a stuffed jackal suit. That's it.
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Displaying 1 - 11 of 11 reviews
August 1, 2020
I'm a bit biased about this book, let me just begin with that disclosure.
This book is unbridled individual creativity of a certain era (now) shoved between two book covers. The reader will find a lot of references to other works of genre fiction in all mediums, a handful of blind alleys, a bit of a plot now and then, surprisingly well formed characters for a pastiche of this sort, and some honest gut chuckles. It is a book to savor like some random amuse bouche tray that none-the-less was prepared with love from a single kitchen staffed by wild animals.
This book is unbridled individual creativity of a certain era (now) shoved between two book covers. The reader will find a lot of references to other works of genre fiction in all mediums, a handful of blind alleys, a bit of a plot now and then, surprisingly well formed characters for a pastiche of this sort, and some honest gut chuckles. It is a book to savor like some random amuse bouche tray that none-the-less was prepared with love from a single kitchen staffed by wild animals.
August 1, 2020
Eh, not as good as Twilight.
August 23, 2021
It was not meant to be good or even readable, but even as a developing connoisseur of bad books I had to DNF at 15%. This was an experimental work, crowd-written by Patreon supporters of the '372 Pages I'll Never Get Back' podcast, the absolute best podcast around about terrible books. (I have since joined their ranks but after this activity took place). With something like 108 authors, the result is something of appeal to only those same 108 people, and not even all of those. Full of in-jokes and references to the titles tackled by the podcast's hosts, it is simultaneously better and worse than the books it takes inspiration from. It's too self-aware to be as entertaining as the material it emulates.
I don't know if the lack of indented paragraphs in favor of full line breaks was intentional in honour of this very common formatting error found in self-published e-books, or not.
Even intended good novels by multiple authors stand the risk of "too many cooks" syndrome, if the reviews on Indigo are any indication.
I don't know if the lack of indented paragraphs in favor of full line breaks was intentional in honour of this very common formatting error found in self-published e-books, or not.
Even intended good novels by multiple authors stand the risk of "too many cooks" syndrome, if the reviews on Indigo are any indication.
August 10, 2020
THE REVIEWS ARE IN!!
"The past is never dead. It's not even past... until the Neutron Wars. Find out why in Washington, E.T." - William Faulkner
"Just when you thought it was safe to go back into the alien Oval Office." - Roy Scheider
"Long leave Washington, E. T. and the Jack Ells!!!!" - Grignr the Accordion
"It left me speechless." - Marcelle Marceau
"Surely the winner of my award for excellence if I still had one." - Jay T. Rikosh
"I can't stop reading it. As soon as I finish and lay it down, I have to pick it back up and start over again." - Sisyphus
"Who wants to read a book based around pointless and endless 'references' to past works in place of having an actual plot?" - Ernest Cline
"I've read it. There are not words enough to express my disdanity." - RobotPimp1000101
"Why would I read Washington, E.T.? I have a heated bidet." - Bob Honey Who Don't Do Much
"Read this book... or be somebody's fool!" - Mr. T
"Words. Words. Words." - Hamlet, Prince of Denmark
"It's better than the bees." - Nicholas Cage
"We chose to read Washington, E. T. not because it is easy, but because it is hard, and in the end found out that the only thing we had to fear was fear itself. A+++++ Would Read Again." - President Frankjon E. Kennevelt
"The past is never dead. It's not even past... until the Neutron Wars. Find out why in Washington, E.T." - William Faulkner
"Just when you thought it was safe to go back into the alien Oval Office." - Roy Scheider
"Long leave Washington, E. T. and the Jack Ells!!!!" - Grignr the Accordion
"It left me speechless." - Marcelle Marceau
"Surely the winner of my award for excellence if I still had one." - Jay T. Rikosh
"I can't stop reading it. As soon as I finish and lay it down, I have to pick it back up and start over again." - Sisyphus
"Who wants to read a book based around pointless and endless 'references' to past works in place of having an actual plot?" - Ernest Cline
"I've read it. There are not words enough to express my disdanity." - RobotPimp1000101
"Why would I read Washington, E.T.? I have a heated bidet." - Bob Honey Who Don't Do Much
"Read this book... or be somebody's fool!" - Mr. T
"Words. Words. Words." - Hamlet, Prince of Denmark
"It's better than the bees." - Nicholas Cage
"We chose to read Washington, E. T. not because it is easy, but because it is hard, and in the end found out that the only thing we had to fear was fear itself. A+++++ Would Read Again." - President Frankjon E. Kennevelt
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
August 1, 2020
this is book
the book is
Zharvelle grabbed his briefcase and set of
woah
1.5/5
the book is
Zharvelle grabbed his briefcase and set of
woah
1.5/5
August 19, 2020
A madcap romp through the corridors of power in Washington D.C., outer space, and time itself. Hilarious and zany, perfect for fans of Jasper Fforde, Serra Elinsen, and MST3K. Too many cooks may spoil the broth but a plethora of writers resulted in an amazing book!
For an optimal reading experience you just need to listen to 70+ episodes of a podcast and several of the worst books ever written--easy!
For an optimal reading experience you just need to listen to 70+ episodes of a podcast and several of the worst books ever written--easy!
December 1, 2020
Belongs on the shelf with Pride and Prejudice and Zombies and William Shakespeare's Star Wars. The "I'm glad someone took the time to make this funny idea a book but nobody actually needs to read it" shelf.
The idea was for 100+ people to write a novel, more-or-less in parallel. As you'd expect:
1. Writing is hard.
2. Writing something funny is hard.
3. Inside jokes are not a shortcut for humor.
The idea was for 100+ people to write a novel, more-or-less in parallel. As you'd expect:
1. Writing is hard.
2. Writing something funny is hard.
3. Inside jokes are not a shortcut for humor.
December 13, 2020
I’m sad to admit I wrote a page of this garbage. The only worse book I’ve ever read was “My Immortal”, by Tara Gillespie. I’m part of the community for the podcast 372 Pages We’ll Never Get Back, and we decided to collectively write a book. Unfortunately, most of the “writers” decided to do their own thing without regard to plot or story continuity, resulting in a truly awful slog. But I’ve thought of a way for this book to be slightly tolerable: play Bingo! Give yourself an X every time you come across:
- new ways to spell the name “Stephanie”
- misspellings of the name “Zhravelle”
- deerskin gloves
- Galdum
- robots speaking disdainfully
- mongoose
- pages that have absolutely NOTHING to do with the plot
- pages of decent writing (you’ll have to look hard for this one!)
- pages that actually advance the plot (rare, but they exist)
Having lambasted most of my fellow writers, I feel slightly ashamed. I was pretty proud of my page until I read it in the book proper, and realized I’m not as clever and witty as I always prided myself on being. Ugh. Maybe I should give up on my dream of being a writer if I can’t even stand out amid the rest of the rabble that worked on this. But on the other hand, my page did not have a single typo, a feat many did not achieve; so maybe there’s hope for me after all.
- new ways to spell the name “Stephanie”
- misspellings of the name “Zhravelle”
- deerskin gloves
- Galdum
- robots speaking disdainfully
- mongoose
- pages that have absolutely NOTHING to do with the plot
- pages of decent writing (you’ll have to look hard for this one!)
- pages that actually advance the plot (rare, but they exist)
Having lambasted most of my fellow writers, I feel slightly ashamed. I was pretty proud of my page until I read it in the book proper, and realized I’m not as clever and witty as I always prided myself on being. Ugh. Maybe I should give up on my dream of being a writer if I can’t even stand out amid the rest of the rabble that worked on this. But on the other hand, my page did not have a single typo, a feat many did not achieve; so maybe there’s hope for me after all.
July 11, 2022
I gave this three stars for creativity but man was this hard to read. Each chapter being written by a different person made the flow terrible. But, at the same time, offered a glimpse into each person as an individual. Some people you can tell are super nerds. Some people you can tell their only knowledge of sports comes from having watched Space Jam or Space Jam 2. Plus, no one could decide for sure how to spell Speffany.
February 19, 2021
Better than expected for a book with over 100 authors.
March 17, 2024
A delightful romp that made more sense than Shadow Moon or My Immortal. A very cozy story
Displaying 1 - 11 of 11 reviews