CandiLand:

by Christian McLaughlin

The only thing scarier than children's TV? The people who make it. Television is the best, most glamorous, lucrative business in the world. That’s indisputable. But as anyone old enough to watch it knows, it’s also capricious, soul-crushing and rife with really creepy sexual exploitation. Here’s an industry the more wholesome the product, the more poisonous the process! With this long-awaited serialized third novel, Christian McLaughlin plunges his satiric skewer into the backstage drama of TV-G programming, where the right inoffensive, endlessly rerun sitcom can earn a network billions. Yet beneath the thin layer of cornball PC cheer bubbles a shocking, toxic stew of dysfunctional stage parents, pervy producers and the ear-splitting screams from a live audience of hysterical 6-year-olds. CandiLand is a scathing deep-dive into the Hollywood slime-pit, full of exquisitely damaged characters, blistering wit, and viciously keen observations that could only come from personal experience deep inside its disturbing and absurd twilight-world. Every two weeks, readers can look forward to a delectable fresh installment of this hilarious, provocative new work — which has already been optioned by Red Rover Films as an upcoming TV series, to be written and produced by the author. In Chapter Six, Candi makes the most of some email porn-spam, positions herself advantageously for her new solo sitcom starring venture, and discovers pills work faster when you snort them; Sunny’s scheming daughter Denver extorts a roadtrip from her workaholic mother at the worst possible time; Sunny attempts to maintain integrity and control of The Untitled Crandall/Cooper Project against its ambitious young star and Sunny's #1 fan/FUN-TV benefactor/evil queen frenemy Kip Whitman; and Sunny’s hack-comedy mascot, second-in-command and adulterous sex-buddy, Co-Executive Pervert Gordie Altman finds his dream dinner date with comely tween-idol Candi is way more anxiety than looking down a 17-year-old’s dress could possibly be worth! CHRISTIAN McLAUGHLIN is a Daytime Emmy-winning L.A.-based writer-producer and author of the novels Sex Toys of the Gods and Glamourpuss, now available in an expanded 25th Anniversary edition. His many TV credits include Married…With Children, Drawn Together, Desperate Housewives, Rita Rocks, and the MTV cult soap Spyder Games, which he co-created/executive produced for 65 episodes. For the L.A. stage he devised and directed the triple-run smash satire The Phacts of Life, and his produced plays include It’s On! The TV Theme Song Musical; the multi-award winning Meet & Greet; Knife To the Heart; and Yes, Virginia. Christian’s world-renowned original movie poster webstore can be found at westgategallery.com (Twitter/ @westgateposters). Email him at OChrist@aol.com.

35 pages, Kindle Edition

Published March 29, 2020