The Death of My Father the Pope: A Memoir

by Obed Silva

A man mourning his alcoholic father faces a paradox: to pay tribute, lay scorn upon, or pour a drink. A wrenching, dazzling, revelatory debut

Weaving between the preparations for his father's funeral and memories of life on both sides of the U.S.-Mexico border, Obed Silva chronicles his father's lifelong battle with alcoholism and the havoc it wreaked on his family. Silva and his mother had come north across the border to escape his father's violent, drunken rages. His father had followed and danced dangerously in and out of the family's life until he was arrested and deported back to Mexico, where he drank himself to death, one Carta Blanca at a time, at the age of forty-eight.

Told with a wry cynicism, a profane, profound anger, an antic, brutally honest voice, and a hard-won classical frame of reference, Silva channels the heartbreak of mourning while wrestling with the resentment and frustration caused by addiction. The Death of My Father the Pope is a fluid and dynamic combination of memoir and an examination of the power of language--and the introduction of a unique and powerful literary voice.

Genres: Memoir, Nonfiction, Biography Memoir

304 pages, Hardcover

Published December 7, 2021

Reviews

[Nate · Rating 5 out of 5]

It's the Brothers Karamazov set in Chihuahua and Southern California. Silva recounts his complicated relationship with his father, showing the good and bad sides of the man, working through memories that come up as he attends his father's funeral. This is a story of addiction, violence, pain, shame, tenderness, and the cost of forgiveness.

[Zen · Rating 5 out of 5]

5 stars

Los hombres no lloran.

I'm going to get a little personal in this review. I think I need to write the review I need to for this novel.

I was lucky in the fact that I did not grow up with an alcoholic parent. Alcohol is prevalent in society. It is a social device to gather. It is used in celebration. It is a symbol of relaxation, having a drink at the end of the day. Growing up, my family (nuclear and extended) was no exception. In some ways, I can not relate to some of the experiences of the author.

I was not as lucky, however, in my choice in relationships in my early 20s, however.Although that relationship is dead and buried, it left its mark. It is hard living with an alcoholic.Always on edge, wondering when their mood will swing like quicksilver. Taking care of them when they can not take care of themselves. Worrying about them when they go out. You don't have a moment's peace.

With that being said, I can't imagine what it is like for the person you look up to, the one responsible for your care, to be in this situation. By his own admission, Obed Silva didn't always make great choices in his youth. His father did not make things easy. This novel outlines the path Silva has traveled after the death of his father, showing the reader with anecdotes and his memories that it is ok to be angry, but that doesn't negate love.

The last chapter, the only one that was really about his mother, it gutted me.

Love is strange. Fathers and sons are strange. Love between fathers and sons is even stranger. Our fathers can damage us forever, and we will still love them forever.

[James B · Rating 4 out of 5]

Thanks to Netgalley and FSG for the ebook. Obed Silva is an English professor in California. He’s also in a wheelchair and can’t keep any relationship because he can never stop drinking. Now he’s in Mexico and surrounded by his large, extended family as they gather to bury Obed’s father who has died at 48 from a lifetime of drinking. Obed tries to get through these few days by drinking, but also remembering the loving, but very complicated relationship he had with the man.

[Melinda Blum · Rating 5 out of 5]

Obed Silva’s book is so deeply affecting because he never shies away from his own complicity, his own accountability. An honest, fearless memoir, with well-drawn characters that testify to Silva’s compassion, his sense of humor, his gifts of observation, his ability to illuminate connections between his tale and examples from classic literature, and above all his own skill as a writer.

[Ellie Lopez · Rating 5 out of 5]

I had the privilege to hear Obed read at an event and man, this man has lead a liiiife. His storytelling is generous, infectious, and beautiful. You can hear Obed’s voice throughout this whole book. Highly recommend

[em · Rating 2 out of 5]

i plead the fifth on this one…

[l.g.115 · Rating 5 out of 5]

Short book review no. 28

"I see you, Father, surrounded by golden lights and God's children, clear of mind and heart, free and light - and drunk no more! But tell me, mi querido viejo, whom I miss more than my own legs before they became useless, when I see you again, will you receive me with open arms after I have written all of these terrible words about you, after I have told the truth? Because like you, I am not far from death: feeding a thirst that won't recede, I drink and drink and drink." (Silva 9 - 10)

Silva's masterful debut work, a memoir, chronicles his memories of his deeply troubled relationship with his deceased father. Seamlessly weaving memories from different points in time, the narrative jumps between Silva's childhood in Chihuahua and his young adulthood in California. Silva's prose, written in a candid, cynical, yet humorous style, invites the reader in with a feeling of trust and honesty. Silva does not shy away from unraveling some rather traumatic experiences. Central to Silva's father is his alcohol addiction, the source of the majority of conflict within the Silva family. Silva renders a portrait of an embittered, defeated alcoholic father, with Silva needing to examine the legacy of addiction that become imparted onto himself.
A brilliant exploration of poverty, addiction, and troubled families within the Latinx community, this new book is not to be missed. Do yourself a favor and read it as soon as you can.

[Sara Broad · Rating 4 out of 5]

"The Death of My Father the Pope" is a memoir about Obed Silva's memory of, life with, and preparation for the funeral of his father. The piece of the book that stands out to me the most is that no matter how much Silva's father hurt him and his family, or the years they spent away from each other, his father's death seemed like the worst event of his life. Silva presents vivid imagery of his and his father's daily rituals with drugs and alcohol and the gradual decay of their bodies, except that Silva's father eventually dies at a young age. "Death of My Father" also delves into the lives of families who are separated by the US/Mexico border and the pull of one's roots with the need to building a life for oneself where he has landed. I'm looking forward to more of Silva's writing. This was a really good book.

[Jade · Rating 3 out of 5]

It's no secret that I love a good memoir and this one, "The Death of My Father the Pope" by Obed Silva does not disappoint. This is no saccharine retelling of a father-son relationship; instead, this memoir details the addiction that led to the fracturing of a family and ultimately the death of Silva's father at age 48. There are so many unique things about this book. My favorite is that the story is rooted in the day Silva returns to his hometown to say goodbye to his father's body before it is buried. We, as readers, constantly return to the funeral home in Chihuahua, Mexico as we dip and dive through the memories of Silva and his father and the alcoholism that plagues them both.

There are many memoirs about addiction, more about grief but few that offer as unflinchingly honest a gaze into the link between the two and the legacy they both portend. The landscape of this impoverished Mexican family and the rich traditions in honoring their dead compels the reader to consider our own heritage and the expectations it saddles us with. As a bonus, Silva sprinkles literary anecdotes into his story, creating a riveting and immersive read.

[Fred Dameron · Rating 3 out of 5]

This is a very interesting work, at least for me. I also had a rocky relationship with my father, the type of relationship that after his death I found solace in Surah 46 in the Quran lines 15-20.. All four of us are alcoholics, myself and father and Silva and his father. My father died a sober drunk, Silva's a practicing alcoholic. Sober drunk is a term for an alcoholic who is dry, but miserable with his life. To scared to live, and to afraid of his sins to die. Also, I am short 14 inches of my large intestine and Silva tells the reader he is short 12 inches of his small intestine. The book really helped me see that I am NOT ALONE in the confused and frustrating relationship with their father. Silva does not say anything about his being clean and sober, I hope that he will get that way before he dies. Another coincidence; one of my favorite authors is/was Ariana Franklin who is also a Medieval Lit prof prior to her death 10 or so years ago, cancer. The book has a lot of similarities with myself my likes and my life. A good look at my own life and Professor SIlva, please get sober. I look forward to your next work.

[Misael · Rating 5 out of 5]

Obed has a poison that must be cured but what motivates him when he’s bound to a rigid course? Surely, writing is his strongest antidote and truth is a percussion leading his freedom from guns drugs sex and rock n’ roll! The faith of a son bound to condemnation for he was convinced that he’s a burden but only God prevails through a mother that’s been through it all to look at him and love so profoundly. Obed, is a voice for everyone dying trying to survive by remembering like the Mexican ranchera composers of the mid 20th Century. It’s Sunny’s Blues with ranchera themes of Mexican American modern lives—A cholo who is a professor in college. How much more Chicano can it get?

[Jennifer · Rating 3 out of 5]

Heartfelt and messy and ugly and honest

[Andrea · Rating 4 out of 5]

Tough read—I had to take a break and read something else for a while before coming back to it. There is a lot to unpack here.

[Julia · Rating 4 out of 5]

A memoir that was complex and harrowing and, at times, beautiful and at others, revolting. A solid 4.5 stars.

[Kayden Purvis · Rating 4 out of 5]

Absolutely devastating.

The last few pages were my breaking point.

[Marisa Gonzalez · Rating 1 out of 5]

DNF - There was too much jumping around on the timeline and I had no interest in reading about all the distant family members.

[Dale Barlow · Rating 1 out of 5]

(NF) 02.06.2022: per NY Times: The Shortlist: "Unhappy Families Abound in These New Books About Fathers and Sons" (do I really want to read this kind of thing?-at least two others recommended actually turned out to be quite good); non-fiction,...; 12.27.2022: I barely started this and realized that since I am caring for a spouse in decline, the very last thing I wanted to read about was a non-fiction story about death; 2021 nonfiction hardcover via Madison County Public Library, Richmond, 289 pgs.