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Brian Helsing: The World's Unlikeliest Vampire Hunter #10
The Mountains of Crapness
Horror novel. Meme. South Park cameo. Cthulu to many means any one of those things.
To poor Brian, however, that dread and difficult-to-pronounce name means only one thing: time to pack his boxer shorts and novelty-size travel toothpaste, next stop - Antarctica!
With the time fast approaching of the tentacle-faced Old One's awakening, the race is on to reach the Temple buried deep within the frigid wastes of the South Pole, ready to unleash the power of the gathered Artefacts and hit that squid-god's snooze button. Because should Cthulu awaken... well. Bad things will likely happen. Like, y'know... really bad things. Remember how much it hurt when you woke up desperate for a pee the other night, then managed to stub your big toe on the bed frame as you stumbled to the bathroom in the dark?
Worse than that. Yeah.
Nightmarish trials await within the dank, dark depths, with dangerous lunatics abounding at every turn; fairies, vampires, homosexual German athletes and foul-mouthed Aborigines, all doing their best to confound Brian at every given opportunity - and that's just his allies!
Will Brian AVOID soiling his kecks as the eldritch horrors of the Temple do their gribbly best to loosen his bowels? Will Friedrick ever stop drinking long enough to build something that WON'T blow up in Brian's face? And precisely HOW does Heimlich keep his head so shiny and smooth? The answers to two out of three of these questions are waiting for you within.
To poor Brian, however, that dread and difficult-to-pronounce name means only one thing: time to pack his boxer shorts and novelty-size travel toothpaste, next stop - Antarctica!
With the time fast approaching of the tentacle-faced Old One's awakening, the race is on to reach the Temple buried deep within the frigid wastes of the South Pole, ready to unleash the power of the gathered Artefacts and hit that squid-god's snooze button. Because should Cthulu awaken... well. Bad things will likely happen. Like, y'know... really bad things. Remember how much it hurt when you woke up desperate for a pee the other night, then managed to stub your big toe on the bed frame as you stumbled to the bathroom in the dark?
Worse than that. Yeah.
Nightmarish trials await within the dank, dark depths, with dangerous lunatics abounding at every turn; fairies, vampires, homosexual German athletes and foul-mouthed Aborigines, all doing their best to confound Brian at every given opportunity - and that's just his allies!
Will Brian AVOID soiling his kecks as the eldritch horrors of the Temple do their gribbly best to loosen his bowels? Will Friedrick ever stop drinking long enough to build something that WON'T blow up in Brian's face? And precisely HOW does Heimlich keep his head so shiny and smooth? The answers to two out of three of these questions are waiting for you within.
- GenresUrban Fantasy
541 pages, Kindle Edition
Published August 3, 2020
19 people are currently reading
13 people want to read
About the author
Gareth K. Pengelly
26 books45 followersGaz Pengelly lives in rural UK with his girlfriend, a hamster and a part time labrador.
When not writing, he can be found careening around on his motorcycle or sitting in the garden with a pipe and a nice pint of real ale, depending on his mood.
Gaz's fantasy and horror books are inspired by his favourite authors; namely Masterton, Herbert, Brooks, Pratchett, Gemmell, amongst others.
Find his books on his website, here:
http://www.garethkpengelly.co.uk
When not writing, he can be found careening around on his motorcycle or sitting in the garden with a pipe and a nice pint of real ale, depending on his mood.
Gaz's fantasy and horror books are inspired by his favourite authors; namely Masterton, Herbert, Brooks, Pratchett, Gemmell, amongst others.
Find his books on his website, here:
http://www.garethkpengelly.co.uk
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Displaying 1 - 11 of 11 reviews
August 16, 2020
Wonderful lighthearted fantasy
I have read all the books in the series...loved them and this one does not disappoint.
Mr Pengelly writes fantasy with a fresh outlook The stories are light reading and pure unadulterated fun, but they are well written and it really works.
The plots are good and the characters come alive...they stay with you...they are unforgettable, you remember them as you pick up a new book and start a new story. They become your friends.
I look forward to many more books from this author, and highly recommend this series.
I have read all the books in the series...loved them and this one does not disappoint.
Mr Pengelly writes fantasy with a fresh outlook The stories are light reading and pure unadulterated fun, but they are well written and it really works.
The plots are good and the characters come alive...they stay with you...they are unforgettable, you remember them as you pick up a new book and start a new story. They become your friends.
I look forward to many more books from this author, and highly recommend this series.
August 17, 2020
A Must Read!
What a fun, action packed story! I came to the series late, and read the first 9 books back to back. I was instantly hooked from page 1. Brian's adventures and the predicaments he finds himself in are nothing short of hilarious.
Book 10 does bring some tragedy to the group, but to me, it just makes the storyline more interesting. I did really enjoy the inclusion of all Brian Helsing's friends and Order heads taking part in this story. It seemed to add a greater sense of urgency to this ultimate battle.
Keep up the great work Mr. Pengelly!
What a fun, action packed story! I came to the series late, and read the first 9 books back to back. I was instantly hooked from page 1. Brian's adventures and the predicaments he finds himself in are nothing short of hilarious.
Book 10 does bring some tragedy to the group, but to me, it just makes the storyline more interesting. I did really enjoy the inclusion of all Brian Helsing's friends and Order heads taking part in this story. It seemed to add a greater sense of urgency to this ultimate battle.
Keep up the great work Mr. Pengelly!
September 10, 2020
Fabulous fun
I have thoroughly enjoyed each book in the series and can't wait for the next.
Brian is the hero no one expects. His friends and allies gathered through the series care a weird and wonderful band of characters.
Each tale has caused me to laugh out loud numerous times. The plots are well done and, even though you think you know what's next, there's always a clever twist.
Thank you Gaz, I've enjoyed every moment spent with the Helsing and friends.
I have thoroughly enjoyed each book in the series and can't wait for the next.
Brian is the hero no one expects. His friends and allies gathered through the series care a weird and wonderful band of characters.
Each tale has caused me to laugh out loud numerous times. The plots are well done and, even though you think you know what's next, there's always a clever twist.
Thank you Gaz, I've enjoyed every moment spent with the Helsing and friends.
March 28, 2021
All action, all the time. Epic.
The best yet. Brian and his magical, godly, ninja entourage head off to Antarctica to try to destroy Cthulhu before he destroys the world. Featuring characters from most of the previous books this is non stop action from page one. An excellent read.
The best yet. Brian and his magical, godly, ninja entourage head off to Antarctica to try to destroy Cthulhu before he destroys the world. Featuring characters from most of the previous books this is non stop action from page one. An excellent read.
May 21, 2021
Brilliant
Found it by chance and haven't looked back. I can really relate to Brian. I too am a hapless creature forced into situations not of my making which everyone expects me to solve.
Found it by chance and haven't looked back. I can really relate to Brian. I too am a hapless creature forced into situations not of my making which everyone expects me to solve.
January 4, 2022
Enjoyable
Lousy reviewer that I am, I’ve missed a couple in the series to review. This series is almost as addictive as potato chips, can’t just eat one. Likeable characters you might enjoy having a beer with.
Lousy reviewer that I am, I’ve missed a couple in the series to review. This series is almost as addictive as potato chips, can’t just eat one. Likeable characters you might enjoy having a beer with.
July 20, 2024
This is the 10th edition of the Helsing books, as Brian Helsing journeys with all the characters of the previous books to Antarctica to rid the world of Cthulu, a god from another dimension bent on destroying the world as we know it. A good read.
August 16, 2020
Love this series
“Teach me to buy super-conductors on Wish. Bloody Chinese crap, I tell ya.”...best line in the whole book! LMAO!!! Pure genius to bring in Wish.
“Teach me to buy super-conductors on Wish. Bloody Chinese crap, I tell ya.”...best line in the whole book! LMAO!!! Pure genius to bring in Wish.
August 22, 2020
Brian Helsing is a hero!
Vampires beware! Brian wil get you!
I really enjoyed this whole series. Can't wait till the next one is released.
Vampires beware! Brian wil get you!
I really enjoyed this whole series. Can't wait till the next one is released.
August 27, 2020
Been a great 0 books love the story line and modern day grips can't wait for #11
October 10, 2024
This was a good read throughout the series.
Displaying 1 - 11 of 11 reviews