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Committed: A Memoir of Madness in the Family
After a decade of caring for crazy and keeping her mother’s mental illness a secret from the outside world, twenty-year-old Paolina Milana longs for just one year free from the madness of her home. When she gets the chance to go to an out-of-state school, she takes it, but her family won’t leave her be. Letter after letter arrives, constantly reminding her of the insanity rooted in her family tree. Even worse, the voices in her own head whisper words she’s not sure are normal. “Please don’t make me be like Mamma,” she prays to a God she’s not sure is listening.
The unexpected death of her father soon after she returns home leaves Paolina in shock―and in charge of her paranoid schizophrenic mother. But it isn’t until she is twenty-seven and her sister two years her junior explodes in a psychotic episode and, just like Mamma, is diagnosed with paranoid schizophrenia and must be committed, that Paolina descends into her own despair, nearly losing herself to the darkness.
Poignant and impactful, Committed is one woman’s story of resilience as she struggles to stay sane despite the madness that surrounds her.
The unexpected death of her father soon after she returns home leaves Paolina in shock―and in charge of her paranoid schizophrenic mother. But it isn’t until she is twenty-seven and her sister two years her junior explodes in a psychotic episode and, just like Mamma, is diagnosed with paranoid schizophrenia and must be committed, that Paolina descends into her own despair, nearly losing herself to the darkness.
Poignant and impactful, Committed is one woman’s story of resilience as she struggles to stay sane despite the madness that surrounds her.
312 pages, Paperback
First published April 27, 2021
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May 5, 2021As Milana notes at the end of her memoir, the word “committed” has several meanings. Although she touches on each of them in her book, it’s clear that she herself embodies its most unwaveringly positive definition: dedication. Milana is committed to helping others transform their own madness into magic; and her memoir, which vulnerably shares her own experience navigating the darkest parts of life, is a testament to just that.
Read our Q&A with the author here:
https://booktrib.com/2021/05/05/madne...
Read our Q&A with the author here:
https://booktrib.com/2021/05/05/madne...
May 3, 2021
Thank you to the author for reaching out to me and giving me a free copy in exchange for an honest review.
I enjoyed this book a lot, I think it had a great story line and I thought it was encouraging how Paolina managed to get the tiniest bits of courage and hope from really bad situations. Not only do I have a lot of respect for her considering the whole situation, it's difficult to deal with someone who has schizophrenia especially if they are so loved and have been a huge person in your life.
I have not read the author's prior book, which I think I should have for the occasion, however I would like to pick it up after reading this one.
I enjoyed this book a lot, I think it had a great story line and I thought it was encouraging how Paolina managed to get the tiniest bits of courage and hope from really bad situations. Not only do I have a lot of respect for her considering the whole situation, it's difficult to deal with someone who has schizophrenia especially if they are so loved and have been a huge person in your life.
I have not read the author's prior book, which I think I should have for the occasion, however I would like to pick it up after reading this one.
May 16, 2021
I raced through this book. As a person who has mental illness in the family--different from the author's situation--it meant so much to get an inside look at a family's suffering when the matriarch struggles with serious mental illness. The first half of the book read sort of slow, but I was still all in. I am left wanting, in a good way, to see the author's personal journey through healing. Millions and millions of people are struggling to love and live with ill family members and no doubt this author has more to share on the subject. This book also gave insight into the detriment that comes too all when silence around these types of issues is mandated by the family or culture. Brava.
April 6, 2021
This is the second memoir of the author's life with a mother with schizophrenia. I hadn't read the first one, but this also works as a standalone. I believe the first book was more about the mother's illness, while this one was about Paula escaping to college for a year before returning to the family and helping care for her mother and then eventually her sister who was also diagnosed. Again, the first book probably detailed the mother's illness a lot more, but rather than being about the mental illness, this book was more about the burden on the caregiver and her being burned out. It also ended somewhat abruptly after the diagnosis of her sister, so I suspect there will be a future book detailing that. A lot of the first part of the book, when she is away at college, is told using letters from the family at home, many of which are in Italian, so since we have to rely on her translation, showing the letters themselves seems unnecessary. It was kind of a waste of space. I didn't particularly like the book. I did feel bad for Paula and all the things she had to deal with when she just wanted to be normal, but the style of the book wasn't for me. 2.5 stars rounded to 3.
September 1, 2021
The courage it takes to both walk through and to tell a story like this...it is enormous. Paolina is a powerful storyteller with powerful stories to tell. She sees the important, hidden, seemingly small things. She has faced enormous pain and lived to not only tell her story but to build a beautiful life out of the ashes of her pain. This book was brutal to read and yet such a balm to my own aching, tired heart.
March 12, 2021
First of all, thank you to NetGalley for this ARC in exchange for an honest and unbiased review.
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Before I start my review I want to put some trigger warnings in place as there is mention of suicidal thoughts/ ideation so please be mindful of this if this poses a potential trigger to you.
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This is a really intriguing and gripping memoir about Paolina as we follow her through part of her life. After the traumatic events leading up to her mums incarceration into a mental hospital for paranoid schizophrenia, we see her going off to college, savouring her independence and freedom from the weight of constantly having to worry about everyone else. Due to her mums mental state, Paolina had begrudgingly had to take up the role of caregiver, meaning she was unable to be herself and do whatever she wants, in fear, as if waiting with bated breathe for her mother’s relapse.
We also see how Paolina juggles world after college, back at home and having to find a job, good enough to get her out of debt to be able to eventually complete her education. All she dreams of is escaping her home which feels like a constant black hole of tension, where she’s back to having to take on everyone else’s’ problems without anyone caring about what she needs or wants.
Paolina is the protagonist you desperately hope gets the happy ending, allowing her to finally achieve the freedom she so thoroughly deserves to be and do what she dreams of.
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The book reads really well, almost like a story rather than a memoir. It’s really interesting from the point of view of someone having to witness and cope with a loved ones mental state darkening. It expresses how traumatic it can be towards their loved ones and how resentment can grow for having to take care of them, despite how much love they may have in their heart.
There are times where it’s consumingly powerful, raw and harrowing to read. In particular it’s suffocating and so painful to watch Paolina struggle with her own suicidal thoughts and exhaustion from the realisation that she has to keep going and taking on everyone else’s problems. You can truly feel the draining of her energy as she continues being the caregiver her mother needs and requires of her, despite how low and depleted she feels. Other times, the book is quite liberating and empowering and you feel the strength Paolina has siphoned and manifested.
I just have nothing but love and respect for Paolina and this beautiful piece of literature. I love how much power this book holds. It’s one of the best memoirs I’ve read on mental health, as a sufferer myself, this is really eye-opening and it evokes so much emotion throughout. I would recommend this book to anyone whose interested in anything to do with mental health or mental illnesses, particularly that of paranoid schizophrenia. Or, just wants to read about an extremely strong and empowering woman.
⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️
•
Before I start my review I want to put some trigger warnings in place as there is mention of suicidal thoughts/ ideation so please be mindful of this if this poses a potential trigger to you.
•
This is a really intriguing and gripping memoir about Paolina as we follow her through part of her life. After the traumatic events leading up to her mums incarceration into a mental hospital for paranoid schizophrenia, we see her going off to college, savouring her independence and freedom from the weight of constantly having to worry about everyone else. Due to her mums mental state, Paolina had begrudgingly had to take up the role of caregiver, meaning she was unable to be herself and do whatever she wants, in fear, as if waiting with bated breathe for her mother’s relapse.
We also see how Paolina juggles world after college, back at home and having to find a job, good enough to get her out of debt to be able to eventually complete her education. All she dreams of is escaping her home which feels like a constant black hole of tension, where she’s back to having to take on everyone else’s’ problems without anyone caring about what she needs or wants.
Paolina is the protagonist you desperately hope gets the happy ending, allowing her to finally achieve the freedom she so thoroughly deserves to be and do what she dreams of.
•
The book reads really well, almost like a story rather than a memoir. It’s really interesting from the point of view of someone having to witness and cope with a loved ones mental state darkening. It expresses how traumatic it can be towards their loved ones and how resentment can grow for having to take care of them, despite how much love they may have in their heart.
There are times where it’s consumingly powerful, raw and harrowing to read. In particular it’s suffocating and so painful to watch Paolina struggle with her own suicidal thoughts and exhaustion from the realisation that she has to keep going and taking on everyone else’s problems. You can truly feel the draining of her energy as she continues being the caregiver her mother needs and requires of her, despite how low and depleted she feels. Other times, the book is quite liberating and empowering and you feel the strength Paolina has siphoned and manifested.
I just have nothing but love and respect for Paolina and this beautiful piece of literature. I love how much power this book holds. It’s one of the best memoirs I’ve read on mental health, as a sufferer myself, this is really eye-opening and it evokes so much emotion throughout. I would recommend this book to anyone whose interested in anything to do with mental health or mental illnesses, particularly that of paranoid schizophrenia. Or, just wants to read about an extremely strong and empowering woman.
⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️
April 12, 2021
Despite crushing life circumstances, Paolina, the author of this book, manages to find tiny glimmers of courage and hope. Her family is Sicilian, living in the US. Her father adores her and is her rock and refuge. Her mother has been diagnosed with schizophrenia and lives in a drug-induced state alternating with "crazy" and danger. Paola is terrified she will inherit a mental illness so constantly looks for traits and signs within her self. She suffers with obesity which causes her to despise her body and lack confidence. When her father tragically dies, she feels overwhelmed as she alone must now care for her mother and siblings. If that weren't enough, one of her sisters, Viny, withdraws and becomes schizophrenic as well. Even the Psych ward sends her home as she endangers others. All this when Paolina is a young woman in her 20s.
Before her father dies, Paola graduates from college and is hired by the Daily Herald in the copyright department. As a writer she is able to express herself and her father is very proud of her. Thankfully she has that outlet as well as friends, including one who knows something dreadful is going on and helps her. Paolo clings to the few spots of brightness in her life.
Handwritten notes are included in this powerful and sobering book, notes of endearment and of despair. They are very moving and poignant and show the emotional state of each writer. Many are written in Italian and translated by Paolina.
The story tugged at my heart. The anguish and pain must have been agonizing. To live (exist, rather) through this AND to come out is miraculous. However, Paolina was not unscathed. She endured horror after horror.
My sincere thank you to PR By the Book/She Writes Press and NetGalley for the privilege of reading the e-ARC of this emotionally tough book. It is not an enjoyable read or topic but important.
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Before her father dies, Paola graduates from college and is hired by the Daily Herald in the copyright department. As a writer she is able to express herself and her father is very proud of her. Thankfully she has that outlet as well as friends, including one who knows something dreadful is going on and helps her. Paolo clings to the few spots of brightness in her life.
Handwritten notes are included in this powerful and sobering book, notes of endearment and of despair. They are very moving and poignant and show the emotional state of each writer. Many are written in Italian and translated by Paolina.
The story tugged at my heart. The anguish and pain must have been agonizing. To live (exist, rather) through this AND to come out is miraculous. However, Paolina was not unscathed. She endured horror after horror.
My sincere thank you to PR By the Book/She Writes Press and NetGalley for the privilege of reading the e-ARC of this emotionally tough book. It is not an enjoyable read or topic but important.
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May 10, 2021
In Committed: A Memoir of Madness in the Family, Paolina Milana bears her soul and reveals the secrets of her family she had kept close to her heart. This book is well written and makes it clear what it's like to live with someone with mental illness.
After a decade of caring for and keeping her mother's mental illness a secret from the outside world, twenty-year-old Paolina Milana leaves for a year of out-of-state schooling. She tried to level the crazy at home but letter after a letter arrives causing her anxiety and the voice in her own head seems suspect. What happens we she goes home is more tragedy. Milana will never be free from her family and its curse.
I wasn't sure what to expect after reading Seriously! Are We There Yet? This was illustrated the self-help boom that hit home. But Committed is so different but wonderfully well written and things hit home in this memoir as well. The author also mentions this is a sort of companion to The S Word: A Memoir About Secrets. At first, I was nervous I wouldn't understand having not read it. There was not an issue at all for me.
Milana is so open and I saw things that affected my own life. To read about someone else having to take care of their family because of mental issues, almost made me cry because it is my life. It felt good to not be alone. To see someone else struggle with family responsibilities and their own wishes and dreams.
I loved this book so much. It's well written and portrays a fine example of living with mental; illness. I also loved it on a personal level; her story reminds me I am not alone. Committed is a must-read.
I received ab ARC for review; all opinions are my own.
After a decade of caring for and keeping her mother's mental illness a secret from the outside world, twenty-year-old Paolina Milana leaves for a year of out-of-state schooling. She tried to level the crazy at home but letter after a letter arrives causing her anxiety and the voice in her own head seems suspect. What happens we she goes home is more tragedy. Milana will never be free from her family and its curse.
I wasn't sure what to expect after reading Seriously! Are We There Yet? This was illustrated the self-help boom that hit home. But Committed is so different but wonderfully well written and things hit home in this memoir as well. The author also mentions this is a sort of companion to The S Word: A Memoir About Secrets. At first, I was nervous I wouldn't understand having not read it. There was not an issue at all for me.
Milana is so open and I saw things that affected my own life. To read about someone else having to take care of their family because of mental issues, almost made me cry because it is my life. It felt good to not be alone. To see someone else struggle with family responsibilities and their own wishes and dreams.
I loved this book so much. It's well written and portrays a fine example of living with mental; illness. I also loved it on a personal level; her story reminds me I am not alone. Committed is a must-read.
I received ab ARC for review; all opinions are my own.
May 1, 2021
I have not read the the author's prior book in which, I shares more about her mother suffering from paranoid schizophrenia. Which from what I have read from this book and online; it appears to be a horrific disease to be suffering from. It is nothing that I would ever wish on even an enemy.
When it came to Paolina. Her voice rang clear in this book. I could understand her need to get away, even if just for a year. Though, Paolina's words, I kind of had an idea of what life must have been like for her at home. While, she did like being away, there was a part of her that missed the unknown home life I believe.
The first half of this book, was good but a bit slow reading for me. The latter half of the book is where it did pick up for me. It was sad when her father passed as well as when her sister was diagnosed with paranoid schizophrenia. I felt joy from her sister though the letters she had written to Paolina while she was away at college.
It is stories like this and others that do show just how important mental health help is. Luckily, it is being recognized more so that people can get the help they need faster.
When it came to Paolina. Her voice rang clear in this book. I could understand her need to get away, even if just for a year. Though, Paolina's words, I kind of had an idea of what life must have been like for her at home. While, she did like being away, there was a part of her that missed the unknown home life I believe.
The first half of this book, was good but a bit slow reading for me. The latter half of the book is where it did pick up for me. It was sad when her father passed as well as when her sister was diagnosed with paranoid schizophrenia. I felt joy from her sister though the letters she had written to Paolina while she was away at college.
It is stories like this and others that do show just how important mental health help is. Luckily, it is being recognized more so that people can get the help they need faster.
March 20, 2021
Paolina Milana longs for a normal life, one free from her mother’s mental illness and the chaos it causes in the home environment. She eventually gets the chance to leave home to attend college. Even then though, she leaves home for college, she never truly free from the chaos going on at home. This book provides an honest view of what it like to live with a family member suffering from paranoid schizophrenia. Paolina continues to be the caretaker even after finishing her schooling. Then, the worst happens, not only does her mother suffer from this disease, but her sister as well. This book at times was painful to read as you continued to hope that Paolina’s life and that of her family would become less chaotic and calm. This book really opens up the reader’s eyes to what it is like to live in a family where there is a serious mental illness. This book would be helpful for anyone interested in mental health, and anyone who has a family member struggling with mental illness. Thank you to NetGalley and the publisher for this advanced review copy in exchange for my honest review.
September 5, 2021
I have heard it said that the most personal turns out to be the most universal. Paolina Milana’s Committed is an illustration of the point. While she describes an experience that not many people have, life in a household with somebody who has paranoid schizophrenia, her themes are universal: what is normal, and how do I pass as such; how do I fit in; what do I owe my family; how do I pursue my own dreams while being in relation to others. Committed had me reflecting on my own journey through young adulthood and continued negotiations of these issues.
January 23, 2021
Thank you to NetGalley and the publisher for providing this book in exchange for an honest review.
This book easily earns all the stars! It's probably one of the best books on mental illness that I have ever read. Paolina Milana tells her story of having a mother, then later a sister, with paranoid schizophrenia with such honesty and passion. The toll that being a caregiver has on her is completely understandable and she shows real courage. I highly recommend this book!
This book easily earns all the stars! It's probably one of the best books on mental illness that I have ever read. Paolina Milana tells her story of having a mother, then later a sister, with paranoid schizophrenia with such honesty and passion. The toll that being a caregiver has on her is completely understandable and she shows real courage. I highly recommend this book!
May 15, 2021
This book was a page turner from beginning to end. Very captivating with amazing character development. Following the true life of a committed and psychological thriller. I received an advance review copy for free, and I am leaving this review voluntarily.
did-not-finish
December 31, 2022DNF @ about 75%. Deeply resentful of her schizophrenic mother in a way that may appeal to neurotypical/abled caregivers but is extremely alienating to me as someone with the diagnosis who has needed caregiving (& yes, I've a mentally ill parent).
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