Under Our Roof: A Son's Battle for Recovery, a Mother's Battle for Her Son

by Madeleine Dean, Harry Cunnane

A congresswoman and her son reveal how he survived a ten-year battle with opioid abuse—and what their family’s journey to recovery can teach us about finding hope amid the unspeakable.

“Beautiful and inspiring.”—Maria Shriver’s  Sunday Paper  (Book of the Week)

When Madeleine Dean discovered that her son Harry was stealing from the family to feed a painkiller addiction, she was days away from taking the biggest risk of her running for statewide office in Pennsylvania. For years, she had sensed something was wrong. Harry was losing weight and losing friends. He had lost the brightness in his eyes and voice, changing from a young boy with boundless enthusiasm to a shadow of himself, chasing something she could not see. Now her worst fears had come to light.

Under Our Roof is the story of a national crisis suffered in the intimacy of so many homes, told with incredible candor through the dual perspectives of a mother rising in politics and a son living a double life, afraid of what might happen if his secret is exposed. In this honest, bracing, yet ultimately uplifting memoir, they discuss the patterns of a family dealing with an unspoken disease, the fear that keeps addicts hiding in shame, and the moments of honesty, faith, and personal insight that led to Harry’s recovery.

In a country searching for answers to the devastating effects of opioids and drug abuse, Under Our Roof is a ray of hope in the darkness. It is not only a love story between mother and son but also an honest account of a pressing national crisis by a family poised to make a difference.

Genres: Nonfiction, Memoir, Mental Illness, Mental Health, Politics, Biography, Addiction

256 pages, Hardcover

First published February 16, 2021

About the author

Madeleine Dean Cunnane is an American lawyer and politician serving as the U.S. Representative for Pennsylvania's 4th congressional district. The district includes almost all of Montgomery County, a suburban county north of Philadelphia.

Reviews

[Nevin · Rating 3 out of 5]

I love memoirs, and this one was a good one. But just not good enough! Here are some reasons why not.

The book is written from the sons point of view, Harry (who is an addict), and written from the mom’s point of view Mad, short for Madeleine (who is trying to save her son).

I loved Harry’s point of view of how he came to be an addict and how he climbed out of it. But I didn’t love Mad’s point of view of trying to save her child. She came a cross of being too indulgent and rapped up in her political career. She didn’t come across very genuine about her struggles with her sons problems at home. She wrote a lot about her political career and how hard she fought to get there etc…

I read David Sheff’s book, Beautiful Boy, where he truly came across as a worried parent that just simply understood that his limits of not being able to help his child out of addiction and the worries that caused him did not resonate in Mad’s writing.

Even though, the topic of addiction is an important subject to write and read about, as far as this book is concerned, I would have liked Harry’s story alone! Not his mother’s…

A solid ⭐️⭐️⭐️ Enjoy!

[Kelly Parker · Rating 3 out of 5]

The premise was promising - a mother and son writing alternating chapters detailing their family’s struggle with his opioid addiction - but the execution wasn’t great. Both of the authors’ writing styles seemed amateurish and flat, and the mother spent way too much time writing about her political career.
If anyone is interested in reading parallel accounts of how addiction in the family, I would steer them instead to Beautiful Boy by David Sheff, which was excellent, and Tweak by Nic Sheff, which was not as good, but still worth the read.
Thanks to #netgalley and #convergentbooks for this ARC of #underourroof in exchange for an honest review.

[Diane Yannick · Rating 4 out of 5]

This memoir written by a mom and her son was engaging. Harry’s 10 year battle with opioids took a huge toll on his family. Madeline Dean, one of PA’s congresswomen, did not worry too much about her public image, allowing us to see times when she was less than helpful . Although she seemed to be very honest about their dual trajectory, I did think that she included a few too many details about her political climb. What interested me most was Harry’s battle and how it impacted his family. Her political career, not so much.

Addiction is a hard path to walk. Harry was lucky to be part of a supportive, affluent family. Most can not afford a top-notch rehab like Caron. Harry did recognize his privilege and is devoting much of his life to helping others.

[Jackie Lantern · Rating 1 out of 5]

One of those awful politicians who has a junkie immediately family member, who also uses her political power to make prescription opioids more difficult for pain patients with a genuine need to obtain. Congrats on valuing junkies over normal people! Your kid, who abused drugs illegally, lived — many pain patients have been lost to suicide because they could not obtain formerly accessible medicine that mitigated their agonizing pain and gave them functional lives. Allowing a patient to be in excruciating pain when medicines exist to stop it is cruel and inhumane torture. You wouldn’t treat an animal like that, so why a fellow American?

[Isabelle · Rating 4 out of 5]

Under Our Roof // by Madeleine Dean and Harry Cunnane

I had a bit of mixed feelings about this book, which brought me to a rating of 3.5 that I rounded up to 4 in the end. I love the idea of both a mother and her son telling their sides of their drug addiction story. Most of the memoirs I read are written by a support person and/or family member of the addict, which is fine, but having both sides has the potential for so much more insight into both sides of the struggle. I liked the way their chapters alternated regularly, none ever taking a really long time before allowing us to see the other side of the situation again. Both authors had a distinct narration style and I especially liked how the feeling of Harry's narration changed as he moved towards and through recovery.

I did really struggle though with Dean's side of the story. I am glad that she was honest and told us about her actions and feelings as she did but it was so hard to read at times as she is someone that I really would've struggled with myself. I constantly found myself wanting to argue with her about the way she was interacting with her son before he agreed to treatment. It was very off-putting and honestly surprised me as I don't usually take that so personal. It's not my story after all and it's not like I know her in person. I was surprised by my own reaction to it. I also felt that her political career took up too much space in the book for me. I just read through the blurb again and I just did not get the feeling that this would have such a big focus on that part of her life. I can see how it intertwined with Harry and it was really nice to see them come together for it in the end, but it did take away from what I thought was going to be the focus in the first two thirds of the book.

Thank you for the free copy in exchange for an honest review.

[Amy B · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is an absolutely incredible true story of the horrors of drug abuse and the life changing power of a mother's love. Madeleine Dean and her son, Harry Cunnane alternate throughout the chapters with their recollections of Harry's addiction and recovery, and Madeleine's political victories. I read this book in record time - so compelling! The book ends on a delightful upnote, and I'm uplifted by all that they shared in the book. As a mom who lost her adult son to opioids, I was moved to get to experience the success of a young man as he travelled through his recovery journey.

Thank you, NetGalley, for allowing me to read this book.

[Helen Dunn · Rating 2 out of 5]

Madeline Dean is my Congressional Representative and I like her so I bought the book.

Quick read. It worked for me because I am familiar with most people in the book, her career and all the locations mentioned.

[Rebecca Randall · Rating 2 out of 5]

I was excited to read this book after hearing the authors on Elizabeth Vargas' Heart of the Matter podcast and because of my shared connections with them (Madeleine Dean lives in the town where my father and stepmother live and where I attended high school; Harry Cunnane attended the same Jesuit high school attended by my dad, brother, and high school boyfriend). While I think their story is compelling, and I appreciated the structure of the book (each chapter consists of mother and son's side-by-side perspectives on what they were experiencing at different moments) the writing was only so-so. I also thought that their acknowledgement of privilege and how privilege contributed both to Harry's substance abuse as well as his recovery seemed perfunctory instead of something they had deeply and critically reflected upon -- for example, towards the end of the book, when MAD is describing their travel to meet with the Pope, she writes, "The roads had been closed, and Harry drove as though he wanted my six-speed BMW to take flight. He reasoned that my legislative license plate would get us out of jam, but I did not want to test that." Groan......

[Solo Mento]

Read it

[Riker · Rating 5 out of 5]

Madeline Dean and Harry Cunnane helped me understand more about addiction and held my attention ceaselessly because they wrote with unbelievable honesty, insight and detail. I highly recommend this book!

[Kim Fox · Rating 3 out of 5]

Under Our Roof by Madeleine Dean and Harry Cunnane had so much promise as a book. Two different points of view on how drug addiction affects not only the addict but family members as well. However, a lot of the book was centered on Madeleine Dean's political career and frankly that was very off putting.

Thank you to Convergent Books and Netgalley for the eARC of this book in exchange for my honest review.

[Rebecca Nagrodski · Rating 3 out of 5]

"Under Our Roof" gives a very honest look at drug addiction and its terrible impact on families.

While I really admire the honesty of both Madeline Dean and Harry Cunnane; and while reading their different perspectives really added to the story; I have to admit that the book could have done without do much information on Madeline's incredible political career.

I feel like her political journey could be a completely separate (and very interesting) story - but it really only took away from this specific book's main message.

Nevertheless, I really really enjoyed this book - and think it's very very valuable reading for everyone. Thank you to Netgalley; the publisher; and the authors for giving me the chance to learn from this story.

[Alison Jones · Rating 3 out of 5]

My favorite parts ⬇️⬇️⬇️

“One wild story after another, told with a skill that would've made Harry's Irish grandfather proud. The police pulling him over. Excuses for this delay here, this loss there; coming home after a semester at the College of Charleston because the place was too cliquey. And the story, years later, of his daughter's lost baby shower money, $800, evaporated with no explanation.
Harry searched his truck and couldn't find the cash. I insisted he look one more time. He went out to look and came back crying. I was crying too.
When I did Harry's wash, inevitably a lighter or condom or something equally troubling would bubble up out of his pockets or call my attention as it banged around the dryer. It all comes out in the wash—that's what I would think as I furiously folded his clothes. Before Harry, I had no idea what that expression meant. Leave it to Harry to show me.”

“Larry was the slowest, and probably worst, driver I have ever known. Which is ironic, given that he worked as a delivery driver for a local grocery store. The cloth seats in his old Chevy Lumina were permanently polluted with the stench of stale Parliament Lights. He would drive me and my brothers when my parents needed a hand, never exceeding fifteen miles per hour, chain-smoking all the way with the windows barely cracked. I saw how his fingers twitched anytime a lit cigarette wasn't in his mouth. Watching him made it so much easier for me to reassure myself that I would never smoke.

Drinking, though, that was different. A month or two after the smoking incident, I went to a house party where everyone was downing cheap cans of Natural Light. This was different than the night of the graduation party.”

“St. Joseph's Prep felt like an oasis: an expensive all-boys academy surrounded by the harsh reality of North Philly. The bus ride took forty minutes each way, and those forty minutes would slowly change me. I met new friends who introduced me to new experi-ences. They showed me how to buy alcohol and cigarettes at a small deli off Broad Street, where the woman behind the bulletproof glass never asked for ID. I learned the difference between beer and liquor and everything in between. On the bus, I was free, not needing to censor my wants or desires from anyone. I could transform from a child into a man.”

“And of course there were the anxieties born of things other than privilege our health, mental and physical, and the safety of our family. As if we were surrounded by unseen airbags that would cushion the blow before any of our troubles got out of hand. I was deceiving myself. I lived in that deceit for a long time.”

“"So, Larry, how's the cancer going?"
Without missing a beat, Larry answered with a sly smile:
"Spreading nicely, thanks."
That shut the kids up, and we all laughed. That was quintessential Larry, finding the humor in the darkest of moments.”

“Night after night, I would hold my daughter in the rocking chair in the corner of her nursery, staring at her beautiful face as she Slept. She was perfect, adorable, with a patch of brown hair and big innocent hazel eyes, just like me. I could see her entire life ahead,. filled with possibilities, potential. The same opportunities I had once squandered to drugs.
"Please help me," I whispered to her through tears. "Help me to be better for you, to be the father you deserve. I know you deserve so much more, and I'm trying, I need you to know I'm trying." The desperation turning to anger, to defeat. "You don't deserve this," I said.
I begged my daughter for the strength to stop using. But I couldn't do it. In those moments, I was caught between the sickness of withdrawal and the relief that the Subs brought. I'd convince myself over and over again that if I used one more time, l could take better care of her. That if I wasn't sick, I could read her the bedtime story, or rock her to sleep. But the desperation gave way to darker thoughts. Who's to say that my daughter wouldn't be better off without me? | was an addict. Broken, hopeless, and completely out of ideas on how to change.”

“After a long pause, he added, "Maybe, there's no such thing as a good time."
There are two expressions about addiction and recovery that I hate: He has to hit bottom, and He has to want to get help.
What the hell is the bottom? Where is it? And how are we on the outside supposed to recognize the exact moment when our loved one is ready to accept help? But that other famous expression —the one Harry offered in the car— rings true to me.
There really is no good time to ask for help.”

“Barely louder than the running water, I muttered the first prayer that I could think of.
"God, help me."
That was it. I didn't know what else to say, but as I sat in the bathroom, I knew for certain that I needed help-more than I had been willing to ask for. The ridiculousness of hiding in the bathroom to pray wasn't lost on me. I thought of all of the times I had been so high or drunk that l'd blacked out, vomited, or woken up naked in a stranger's home. For some reason, none of those moments had felt as embarrassing as what I was doing now: praying for help, in a house full of drug addicts.
"God, help me." The words brought me back to the hopeless nights holding my daughter in her nursery. Perhaps I had been praying all along, disguising it as conversation with an infant. More important, maybe my prayers had been answered.”

“Every time I head to 30th Street Station in Philadelphia, there are the tamiliar, often young-looking people who are so clearly racked with addiction, begging for money, anything. We have a duty to look them in the eye, offer what we can, and let them know there's help available. It's all of our responsibility to make sure that happens.”

[Susan Ficken · Rating 3 out of 5]

I enjoyed reading about their different perspectives around events in their lives. The fact that Harry got clean and sober after going through treatment one time is unusual and although he worked very hard, it is not a story that depicts what happens for most people. I wish there was more discussion about how most people don’t have access to the kind of treatment he received and I was hoping for more details about how Madeline was using her political position to help bring about change.

[Odette Lattimer · Rating 5 out of 5]

Thank you for the advanced copy. I know this is now a common story in many households across the world. This was well written and I found it to be a powerful memoir, maybe not an easy read for some.

[Zibby Owens · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is about a congresswoman and her son who survive a ten-year battle with opioids—and their family’s journey to recovery. From the first page of this book, I pushed everything aside to read this without any interruption. It was such an intense, edge-of-my-seat kind of writing. I love how Harry and Madeleine go back and forth. I can see both of their pain. And I felt for Madeleine
because any time a child is in pain in any way, it's unbearable for the parent to watch.

One passage that stuck out to me was when Madeleine's mom was stuck across the country taking care of a child when she wanted to be home when her husband passed away. She said, "Maybe it was meant to be that I wasn't there. If I had been there, I would've taken too much of his time. Instead, he got to spend more time with all of you." That selfless comment really stuck with me.

And Harry did an excellent job talking about his addiction in the book, his desire to stop at many times, and yet the complete inability to do so, especially when his girlfriend gets pregnant. I felt the struggle. There was a lovely quote at the beginning that alluded to the extent that addiction affects the whole family, how it brings the entire family down. It's not just about the one person. It's about the whole system. "When one spins out of control, the whole mobile tries to compensate."

To listen to my interview with the authors, go to my podcast at:
https://zibbyowens.com/transcript/mad...

[Vicky · Rating 5 out of 5]

Opioid addiction can destroy a family if one is not prepared for the long haul and seeing the signs and admitting your child has a issue.
Madeline Dean is a strong independent wife, mother and wanting to represent her family, friends, and the people of Pennsylvania for a State office. She has missed the signs or some just don’t see them for what they truly are until it’s almost to late or to late.
Harry has been able to hide his addiction for years, but one day it comes down crashing. It is so sad how long he has went through this turmoil on his own and inside he is placing the blame on everyone,but himself.

This book is truly one that has touched me because I have a cousin who died from a overdose and two others that are currently battling addiction,but are not admitting that they have a problem. It is sad to see them going through this struggle and the enabling of people who think they are helping.

I definitely would recommend this book to anyone who has either went through this or knows someone going through it or just for informational purposes. I think it was told with love, honesty, and I am so glad it has turned out for them as welll as it has. It doesn’t always as Harry has mentioned about several friends who lost their lives to the addiction.

I received a free advanced copy from NetGalley and these are my willingly given thoughts and opinions.

[Carole · Rating 5 out of 5]

I have to admit I am biased, having grown up in Jenkintown a few years before these folks entered the world -- so everything felt very familiar.

I think highly of Madeleine Dean after seeing her interviewed on cable news on many occasions, and when I saw that she and her son had been through this difficulty together, and co-written a book about it, I knew it would be interesting. I knew our political views were similar. I was only a bit put off by her devotion to the Church, but it was understandable considering her uncle Wally -- and I grew up with a lot of 'girls' who attended church every Sunday and just sort of grew old on the periphery of religiousity. But as for this reading, I could picture almost everything that happened because all of the locations were familiar to me from growing up there.

The book felt pretty honest considering it was written by an addict and a politician/lawyer -- I thought there was a lot of soul-bearing in there. The writing made the book an easy read about this difficult subject. My own familiarity with addiction/alcoholism said these people showed a lot of courage in telling their story. Thank you to them.

[Tina · Rating 4 out of 5]

What a great read.

I like the two different POVs from the addict (the son) and his mother.

Its always so fascinating, to me , hearing two points of view of the same situation being so different.

This book is hard hitting while still, at times, feeling as though some of the stories were sanitized - which is the one fault i will give this story. Also, the parts where Madeleine talks about her political aspirations does drag the book down a bit. I wanted to scream "I don't care, there are bigger things going on here".

There are two parts to this - using and recovery and both are compelling. The writing is down to earth and scary and some of the situations Harry puts himself in are absolutely frightening, but it still felt to me as though a good chunk was glossed over.

Nonetheless this is a book that needs to be read.

[Nancy · Rating 5 out of 5]

I was engrossed in this account of a family battle over drug addiction. Congresswoman Madeline Dean's middle son Harry slowly developed a deep addiction to drugs. The memoir is told from the perspectives of both Madeline and Harry as the addiction takes hold and the recovery progresses.

Madeline was always interested in politics and her progress from local elections to a statewide seat for Congress is presented. This progress is happening at the same time as Harry is grappling with dependence and the risky situations he finds himself in.

I was appreciative of their candor. I was rooting for their success.

[Heather · Rating 3 out of 5]

First I will start out being emotionally honest and transparent, sharing that I am a mother of a son who has SUD, and has struggled deeply in and out of recovery, as is the norm. I so appreciated Harry’s writing and integrity, however, I did not feel the book flowed between he and his mother who seemed to stay in a state of denial and write more about her political career and religious views. Madeleine did not seem real in her suffering as a mother of an addict; she deflected.
I wanted a book to devour as a mother, however, “Beautiful Boy” is much more relatable and powerful.

[Susan Marano · Rating 4 out of 5]

I enjoyed listening to Madeleine and Harry, mother and son, narrate the book on audible back and forth alternating chapters. As someone who has experienced similar addiction within the family unit, you realize you are not alone and how crazy it can be at times. There were times when I wanted to ring Harry's neck, but that's the mother in me I suppose. Being the mother of an addict is challenging and requires a great deal of patience and resilience. I could truly relate to much of this story.

[Jennifer S · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is the story of one addict's spiral downward and recovery as told by both the addict (Harry) and his mother (Madeleine). At the time of Harry's addiction and treatment, Madeleine was beginning her political career, which currently has her in the US House representing her home district in PA. Very powerful back-and-forth showing each step of the journey from both points of view. Would make an excellent audiobook with 2 narrators.

[Joanne Murphy · Rating 5 out of 5]

Such a great book! Mother and son co-wrote! This book takes you through a sons addiction and recovery, and the family who went through this with him! Gripping, compassionate, honest, and thought-provoking… I couldn’t put it down! I commend Madeleine Dean and her son for writing this book! It will help parents and recovering addicts! I love the quote, “ you earn trust in drops and pour it away in buckets”.

Thank you for writing this book!

[Rubi Galvan · Rating 5 out of 5]

Under our Roof is a novel that was based on drug addiction recovery for a mother's son. It was a very inspiring and moving read! Madeleine the mother of Harry Cunnane were faced with many of life's difficult challenges that led to a miraculous recovery. Harry never looked at his addiction as an addiction or problem, but it definitely was. At the end of the novel he chose to seek the help to help him recover from his drug addiction.

[Cindy · Rating 3 out of 5]

3.5
Every parents nightmare… and kids too (after all who wants to become an addict). What is that one kid experiments w partying and becomes addicted vs not? Rehab and recovery still seems mystifying- how and why it works for some and not others. Despite the high profile nature of the people involved still reads like an “it can happen to your family too”. Really moved by the mother-son relationship and those dynamics.

[Marianne Burbank · Rating 4 out of 5]

A moving and important read. It does show the inequities in our society in terms of resources to access top quality treatment and how addicts in different socio economic levels and of minority races are treated differently by the police.
However, it is still inspiring as an example of how it is possible to recover. The authors, mother and son, read the audio version which makes it even more compelling.

[Desiree Etheridge · Rating 2 out of 5]

The description of this book indicated it was about addiction. The first half of the book is good, the parts the son contributed. Dean took this book as an opportunity to push her political agenda, which has very little to do with recovery from addiction. It became about how wonderful and altruistic Dean is. I’d give the sons part 5 stars, Deans part 1 star.

[Dianne Guhl · Rating 5 out of 5]

Powerful

Honest, straightforward true story of addiction and recovery by Madeleine Dean and her son, Harry Cunnane. Anyone struggling to find help for an opiate-addicted child can gain strength snd hope from this story. Excellent read.

[Lisa Konet · Rating 3 out of 5]

This was a mother and son writing about his long-term struggle with opioid addiction. This could have been better had it not centered on the mother's political career so much. Still an emotional read but too much politics over such a terrible issue.