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Did I Say That Out Loud?: Midlife Indignities and How to Survive Them
From the former editor-in-chief of Real Simple , enjoy this hilarious and deeply insightful take on the indignities of middle age and how to weather them with "A pure pleasure to read" (Cathi Hanauer, author of Gone ).
Do you hate the term “middle age?” So does Kristin van Ogtrop, who is still trying to come up with a less annoying way to describe those years when you find yourself both satisfied and outraged, confident and confused, full of appreciation but occasional disdain for the world around you. Like an intimate chat with your best friend, this mostly funny, sometimes sad, always affirming volume from longtime magazine journalist van Ogtrop is a celebration of that period of life when mild humiliations are significantly outweighed by a self-actualized triumph of the spirit. Finally!
Featuring stories from her own life, as well as anecdotes from her unwitting friends and family, van Ogtrop encourages you to laugh at the small irritations of neglectful children, stealth insomnia, forks that try to kill you, t.v. remotes that won’t find Netflix, abdominal muscles that can’t seem to get the job done. But also to acknowledge the things you may have innocence, unbridled optimism, smooth skin. Dear friends. Parents. It’s all the sublime and the ridiculous, living together in the pages of this book as they do in your heart, like a big messy family, in this no-better-term-for-it middle age.
Do you hate the term “middle age?” So does Kristin van Ogtrop, who is still trying to come up with a less annoying way to describe those years when you find yourself both satisfied and outraged, confident and confused, full of appreciation but occasional disdain for the world around you. Like an intimate chat with your best friend, this mostly funny, sometimes sad, always affirming volume from longtime magazine journalist van Ogtrop is a celebration of that period of life when mild humiliations are significantly outweighed by a self-actualized triumph of the spirit. Finally!
Featuring stories from her own life, as well as anecdotes from her unwitting friends and family, van Ogtrop encourages you to laugh at the small irritations of neglectful children, stealth insomnia, forks that try to kill you, t.v. remotes that won’t find Netflix, abdominal muscles that can’t seem to get the job done. But also to acknowledge the things you may have innocence, unbridled optimism, smooth skin. Dear friends. Parents. It’s all the sublime and the ridiculous, living together in the pages of this book as they do in your heart, like a big messy family, in this no-better-term-for-it middle age.
336 pages, Hardcover
First published April 13, 2021
134 people are currently reading
3261 people want to read
About the author
Kristin van Ogtrop
4 books63 followersKristin van Ogtrop is the author of Just Let Me Lie Down: Necessary Terms for the Half-Insane Working Mom. The former longtime editor-in-chief of Real Simple and “The Amateur” columnist for Time, she is a literary agent at InkWell Management. Her writing has appeared in countless publications, and the New York Times bestselling collection, The Bitch in the House. She is a wife and mother of three, but sometimes loves her dogs more than anybody else.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 166 reviews
April 17, 2021
My reactions to this book are mixed. I picked it up wanting some humor and there are some stories that I did find humorous. Others I felt she tried too hard, or I just wasn't interested. Surprisingly, while I wanted humor the stories I liked the most, where I felt she was writing from real emotion, weren't humorous.
Rebel Love, on the loss of a pet, was bittersweet, honest and insightful. I fell in love with Rebel, the unruly let with a big heart. Her thoughts on her mother, her parents aging, were great. I could definitely relate. Her letter to her son on his graduation, also funny, sad.
Enjoyed her lists, things that irritated her, found have been my list, with a few substitutions. Probably could be the list of many. There are other lists to which I could relate. Definitely worth reading but as I said my view was mixed but that's not to say you would feel the same.
ARC from Edelweiss.
Rebel Love, on the loss of a pet, was bittersweet, honest and insightful. I fell in love with Rebel, the unruly let with a big heart. Her thoughts on her mother, her parents aging, were great. I could definitely relate. Her letter to her son on his graduation, also funny, sad.
Enjoyed her lists, things that irritated her, found have been my list, with a few substitutions. Probably could be the list of many. There are other lists to which I could relate. Definitely worth reading but as I said my view was mixed but that's not to say you would feel the same.
ARC from Edelweiss.
March 31, 2021
Reading a book on how to deal with the indignities of middle age for me is sort of akin to locking the barn door after the horse is out (I just celebrated, or more accurately, bemoaned, my 80th birthday). But curiosity got the better of me: Were my experiences similar to the author's? If not, how (and maybe why) were they different? Besides that, the book description included the word "hilarious." Far be it from me to pass up a chance to laugh - even if it's at myself.
And chuckle I did - sometimes out loud - and not infrequently (nor insignificantly) I was reminded of one of my all-time favorite writers, the late, great Erma Bombeck (a longtime syndicated newspaper columnist and best-selling book author who wrote very funny things about suburban home life). And for sure, I could identify with much of the author's experiences and insights; one that stood out in particular is being a very competent person - especially at work - but clueless about operating a TV remote. I've been saying for a couple of years now that should anything happen to my husband of nearly 60 years, I'd need help with just two things: How to work at least one of our five TV remotes and how to pump my own gas.
Still other points - like the dubious ability to break a toenail at the drop of a hat - are intimately familiar as well. For me, though, it's the whole toe - which comes as a result of refusing to wear shoes indoors (or outdoors, every time I can get away with it). Not a year goes by that something - like an errant bedpost - jumps out to nail one of my toes.
My favorite section, though, came at the end in the form of cautionary lists. Most are spot-on and yes, I've been there. Still, I couldn't resist adding a couple of personal notes that come from living a good 30 years longer than the author, to-wit:
Things that are annoying but unavoidable: Needing reading glasses to make dinner. Yep - or if, like me, you've worn glasses for many years, you'll suddenly need bifocals. And then, somewhere between age 50 and 70, you'll develop cataracts that render all types of lenses ineffective. On the plus side, cataract surgery can for many people, including me, mean you won't need glasses at all. How long that lasts, of course, remains to be seen: Stay tuned.
Things that aren't worth it: Trying to open clamshell packaging without using scissors. I second that (with painful cuts to prove it) and add that I've lost count of the number of fingernails I've broken a fingernail trying to open any cardboard packaging before I see the spot designated "Open Here." So keep the scissors handy as well as your glasses (unless you've had cataract surgery).
Things that will always be confusing: How sometimes leaves on a plant turn yellow because you're underwatering and other times because you're overwatering. By the time you're my age, you stop caring. I just water mine every six months whether they need it or not; yellow leaves simply mean they better match my kitchen walls. Brown is quite another matter and kind of fun; I get to toss the whole plant and start again.
Things you learn along the way: Eventually you will have too many scented candles. Also knick knacks, frayed dish towels long since relegated to cleaning rag status, sheets that don't fit any bed in the house, plastic shopping bags stuffed with dozens of other plastic shopping bags and, with a tip of the hat to the COVID-19 pandemic, toilet paper. Don't believe me? Just ask our daughter, who grows more concerned every week about how she'll get rid of all that stuff when I'm gone.
All told, this is a delightful and entertaining book that I don't hesitate to recommend to all ages. Mid-lifers can commiserate (boy, how you'll commiserate), while spring chickens can learn what to expect and seniors like me can have the satisfaction that comes from saying honey, you ain't seen nuthin' yet. Thanks to the publisher, via NetGalley, for providing me with a pre-release copy to read and review. Well done!
And chuckle I did - sometimes out loud - and not infrequently (nor insignificantly) I was reminded of one of my all-time favorite writers, the late, great Erma Bombeck (a longtime syndicated newspaper columnist and best-selling book author who wrote very funny things about suburban home life). And for sure, I could identify with much of the author's experiences and insights; one that stood out in particular is being a very competent person - especially at work - but clueless about operating a TV remote. I've been saying for a couple of years now that should anything happen to my husband of nearly 60 years, I'd need help with just two things: How to work at least one of our five TV remotes and how to pump my own gas.
Still other points - like the dubious ability to break a toenail at the drop of a hat - are intimately familiar as well. For me, though, it's the whole toe - which comes as a result of refusing to wear shoes indoors (or outdoors, every time I can get away with it). Not a year goes by that something - like an errant bedpost - jumps out to nail one of my toes.
My favorite section, though, came at the end in the form of cautionary lists. Most are spot-on and yes, I've been there. Still, I couldn't resist adding a couple of personal notes that come from living a good 30 years longer than the author, to-wit:
Things that are annoying but unavoidable: Needing reading glasses to make dinner. Yep - or if, like me, you've worn glasses for many years, you'll suddenly need bifocals. And then, somewhere between age 50 and 70, you'll develop cataracts that render all types of lenses ineffective. On the plus side, cataract surgery can for many people, including me, mean you won't need glasses at all. How long that lasts, of course, remains to be seen: Stay tuned.
Things that aren't worth it: Trying to open clamshell packaging without using scissors. I second that (with painful cuts to prove it) and add that I've lost count of the number of fingernails I've broken a fingernail trying to open any cardboard packaging before I see the spot designated "Open Here." So keep the scissors handy as well as your glasses (unless you've had cataract surgery).
Things that will always be confusing: How sometimes leaves on a plant turn yellow because you're underwatering and other times because you're overwatering. By the time you're my age, you stop caring. I just water mine every six months whether they need it or not; yellow leaves simply mean they better match my kitchen walls. Brown is quite another matter and kind of fun; I get to toss the whole plant and start again.
Things you learn along the way: Eventually you will have too many scented candles. Also knick knacks, frayed dish towels long since relegated to cleaning rag status, sheets that don't fit any bed in the house, plastic shopping bags stuffed with dozens of other plastic shopping bags and, with a tip of the hat to the COVID-19 pandemic, toilet paper. Don't believe me? Just ask our daughter, who grows more concerned every week about how she'll get rid of all that stuff when I'm gone.
All told, this is a delightful and entertaining book that I don't hesitate to recommend to all ages. Mid-lifers can commiserate (boy, how you'll commiserate), while spring chickens can learn what to expect and seniors like me can have the satisfaction that comes from saying honey, you ain't seen nuthin' yet. Thanks to the publisher, via NetGalley, for providing me with a pre-release copy to read and review. Well done!
April 8, 2021
Giveaway win!
3.5 Stars!
I know a lot of people need to feel connected to or relate to the people they read about. I'm not one of those people. I love reading about people who I share absolutely nothing in common with.
Kristin van Ogtrop fits the bill.
Kristin van Ogtrop is a rich, middle aged white woman who lives in New York City. I can't relate to anything in her life but I was still entertained. I'm not yet middle aged but its gets unsettling closer everyday and from talking to my middle aged sister it's not a whole lot of fun. In fact I enter to win this book just so I could give this book to her. After reading it though I dont think she'll like it. I loved Ogtrop's sense of humor and her out of touch stories of working at Vogue and Real Simple magazine(btw who has heard of Real Simple magazine????) but my sister will definitely hate it.
Kristin van Ogtrop is super neurotic and it was at times quite a lot to handle. My sister would lose her mind and I still really want to see her read it just for my own entertainment( I'm a terrible little sister). Kristin spends the majority of this book talking about how she doesn't care about dumb things now that she's middle aged...and then she goes on to talk about how much she cares about dumb things like Snapchat and BAPE. Despite working for Vogue for years she is confused by fashions "kids today" wear. I found this hilarious but a lot of people(my sister included) will find this annoying and out of touch.
Overall this book isnt for everyone but if you're at the library and you want a quick entertaining read then pick this book up!
3.5 Stars!
I know a lot of people need to feel connected to or relate to the people they read about. I'm not one of those people. I love reading about people who I share absolutely nothing in common with.
Kristin van Ogtrop fits the bill.
Kristin van Ogtrop is a rich, middle aged white woman who lives in New York City. I can't relate to anything in her life but I was still entertained. I'm not yet middle aged but its gets unsettling closer everyday and from talking to my middle aged sister it's not a whole lot of fun. In fact I enter to win this book just so I could give this book to her. After reading it though I dont think she'll like it. I loved Ogtrop's sense of humor and her out of touch stories of working at Vogue and Real Simple magazine(btw who has heard of Real Simple magazine????) but my sister will definitely hate it.
Kristin van Ogtrop is super neurotic and it was at times quite a lot to handle. My sister would lose her mind and I still really want to see her read it just for my own entertainment( I'm a terrible little sister). Kristin spends the majority of this book talking about how she doesn't care about dumb things now that she's middle aged...and then she goes on to talk about how much she cares about dumb things like Snapchat and BAPE. Despite working for Vogue for years she is confused by fashions "kids today" wear. I found this hilarious but a lot of people(my sister included) will find this annoying and out of touch.
Overall this book isnt for everyone but if you're at the library and you want a quick entertaining read then pick this book up!
January 12, 2021
Smart, funny, and unfailingly honest, Kristin van Ogtrop is the ideal companion for traversing the bumpy roads of midlife. Whether chronicling the rollercoaster of insomnia, the challenge of parenting people who inexplicably consider themselves adults, the experience of walking away from a career no longer worth salvaging, or the disappearance of a beloved dog, Kristin van Ogtrop finds meaning in the mayhem. Did I Say That Out Loud? is not only beautifully written, but is grounded in gratitude, which makes this collection both a comfort and a delight. I loved reading it and will probably re-read it!
April 20, 2021
I enjoyed this candid insightful book. Kristin’s humorous anecdotes and from-the-heart thoughts on family and how the passage of time has changed her made me reflective and nostalgic at times as I identify with similar situations. I enjoyed the flow of Kristin’s words and writing style.
May 24, 2021
I don't have an older sister, but if I did, I'd like her to be like Kristin van Ogtrop. I'm on the doorstep of the changes she laments/celebrates in this quick and easy read (and on some of them I'm further through the door than I'd like to be, notably the suddenly saggy abdomen despite doing core work twice a week every week!). Getting old per se hasn't ever bothered me. I'm not someone who found turning 30 or 40 hard, and I'm not worried about turning 50. I'm a fortunate person. My life has only gotten better as I've gotten older. But as the years scream by at what seems like an ever-increasing pace and I find myself becoming less organized and more conscious of my aging body and mind, I've had to adopt some humility.
And humility is what this book is really all about. Midlife is the time when it dawns on you that not only have you not figured everything out yet, you will likely NEVER figure much of it out--and what you do figure out will often not reflect well on you. At 26, Van Ogtrop writes, she wanted to be an intellectual, but "this was, of course, before I gained the self-awareness to realize that I am not an intellectual, just a smartish person who likes to read. And believe me, there is a great difference." That's pretty much me too: a smartish person who likes to read. Humbling--and necessary--for someone who when she was 20 wanted to be the next William Faulkner.
There are relatable chapters on careers, on parents, on losing a pet, and on children (the latter is called "Your Children: The Disappointment"). I really liked the chapter that discussed friendship. She describes how she has one friend who loves to talk on the phone "without clear purpose, at a rambling pace" and how after a while she began to dread his calls even though she truly loves this friend. She continues: "I have an old New Yorker cartoon...that features two guys sitting at a bar and one is saying to the other, 'I used to call people, then I got into emailing, then texting, and now I just ignore everyone.'" She also skips going out with friends sometimes just to stay home and watch a movie next to her dog. She'll hide from people she likes on train platforms because she doesn't feel like chatting. This is exactly how I am, especially since my kids were born 14 years ago. I feel bad about the friendships I've neglected. But reading her essay felt like welcome permission to be this way until and if something changes and things open up and I can (I hope) someday do right by the friends who are still with me at that point.
There aren't a lot of books out there today that give those of us who have had mostly happy lives permission to feel down sometimes about life changes both big and small and about all the ways we aren't living up to our old dreams. Everyone needs a big sister who does that for you--and then also reminds you, without eye-rolling, to pull up your big-girl pants and soldier on.
And humility is what this book is really all about. Midlife is the time when it dawns on you that not only have you not figured everything out yet, you will likely NEVER figure much of it out--and what you do figure out will often not reflect well on you. At 26, Van Ogtrop writes, she wanted to be an intellectual, but "this was, of course, before I gained the self-awareness to realize that I am not an intellectual, just a smartish person who likes to read. And believe me, there is a great difference." That's pretty much me too: a smartish person who likes to read. Humbling--and necessary--for someone who when she was 20 wanted to be the next William Faulkner.
There are relatable chapters on careers, on parents, on losing a pet, and on children (the latter is called "Your Children: The Disappointment"). I really liked the chapter that discussed friendship. She describes how she has one friend who loves to talk on the phone "without clear purpose, at a rambling pace" and how after a while she began to dread his calls even though she truly loves this friend. She continues: "I have an old New Yorker cartoon...that features two guys sitting at a bar and one is saying to the other, 'I used to call people, then I got into emailing, then texting, and now I just ignore everyone.'" She also skips going out with friends sometimes just to stay home and watch a movie next to her dog. She'll hide from people she likes on train platforms because she doesn't feel like chatting. This is exactly how I am, especially since my kids were born 14 years ago. I feel bad about the friendships I've neglected. But reading her essay felt like welcome permission to be this way until and if something changes and things open up and I can (I hope) someday do right by the friends who are still with me at that point.
There aren't a lot of books out there today that give those of us who have had mostly happy lives permission to feel down sometimes about life changes both big and small and about all the ways we aren't living up to our old dreams. Everyone needs a big sister who does that for you--and then also reminds you, without eye-rolling, to pull up your big-girl pants and soldier on.
May 6, 2021
I’m Saying it Out Loud: I Love This Book
My friend Judy and I ordered this book immediately after The Strand bookstore introduced us to Kristin van Ogtrop during a virtual book event in April. (Author Susan Orlean interviewed her, and that was indeed a treat!) After devouring Did I Say That Out Loud?, Judy and I both agreed we’d like to take Kristin out for a glass of wine. We want more of the stories, insights, and wit she shares – qualities that, these days, are much needed and all too rare.
Thanks to quarantine, racial injustice, and other factors I won’t bore you with, I confess I’ve found myself reading lately, especially non-fiction, with a somewhat hypercritical filter: “Well, there’s some privilege for you!” Or “How can this person be so tone deaf?” And, as I mentioned in another recent review, how annoyed I am by the self-congratulatory monologue that screams, "I've got it all figured out! I am enlightened! I am woke!"
Kristin van Ogtrop rises above all that to share that, like most of us, she doesn’t have it all figured out. Her honesty, humor, and self-deprecation made this book so relatable for me, another white, middle-aged, wife, mother, and writer. Like many of us, she had to come to terms with the rapidly changing publishing industry, leaving a much-loved editorial position. She admits to leaving in tears on her last day, which I appreciate because that would be me. (Screw the powers that be who encourage women to pretend we are stoic, automatons.)
The essays in this book drew me into van Ogtrop’s daily life so thoroughly that I felt like I could see into her home, hear her conversations and laughter, and feel her happiness, grief, and mother/daughter guilt.
Her journey has been mine in many ways: Worry about children? Check. Turn house upside down for missing shin guard: Check. Concern for aging parents and their memory lapses? Check. Saying goodbye to a much-beloved pet? Check. Having a dear friend die far to young? Check.
Van Ogtrop’s stories, most of them not Covid-related (thankfully), reminded me what it’s like to have dinner parties and sip wine with girlfriends in person and not on Zoom; and that if our careers feel stalled out, it’s not the end, there’s something else out there, another fulfilling chapter.
There are so many relevant-to-me statements in this book, and you’ll likely find more than a few yourself. The author quotes Nora Ephron: “I don’t think any day is worth living without thinking about what you’re going to eat next at all times.” And, in the context of remembering where we’ve come from: “This was, of course, before I gained the self-awareness to realize that I am not an intellectual, just a smartish person who likes to read.”
Most importantly, as pertains to motherhood, a statement from a letter van Ogtrop wrote to her son on the occasion of his college graduation. This is something I have lived and come to terms with, but it bears repeating and remembering, for me at least: “…one of my greatest mistakes as a mother was to conflate your success with mine.”
The icing on the cake is van Ogtrop’s occasional cultural references to things I love, like the TV shows Schitt’s Creek and the “six-hour, Pride and Prejudice starring Colin Firth, and the film It’s a Wonderful Life, an annual, Christmas Eve tradition in our home.
Kristin, you and your book showed up at just the right time. Thank you. Clearly, we have much in common. So, about that glass of wine…
My friend Judy and I ordered this book immediately after The Strand bookstore introduced us to Kristin van Ogtrop during a virtual book event in April. (Author Susan Orlean interviewed her, and that was indeed a treat!) After devouring Did I Say That Out Loud?, Judy and I both agreed we’d like to take Kristin out for a glass of wine. We want more of the stories, insights, and wit she shares – qualities that, these days, are much needed and all too rare.
Thanks to quarantine, racial injustice, and other factors I won’t bore you with, I confess I’ve found myself reading lately, especially non-fiction, with a somewhat hypercritical filter: “Well, there’s some privilege for you!” Or “How can this person be so tone deaf?” And, as I mentioned in another recent review, how annoyed I am by the self-congratulatory monologue that screams, "I've got it all figured out! I am enlightened! I am woke!"
Kristin van Ogtrop rises above all that to share that, like most of us, she doesn’t have it all figured out. Her honesty, humor, and self-deprecation made this book so relatable for me, another white, middle-aged, wife, mother, and writer. Like many of us, she had to come to terms with the rapidly changing publishing industry, leaving a much-loved editorial position. She admits to leaving in tears on her last day, which I appreciate because that would be me. (Screw the powers that be who encourage women to pretend we are stoic, automatons.)
The essays in this book drew me into van Ogtrop’s daily life so thoroughly that I felt like I could see into her home, hear her conversations and laughter, and feel her happiness, grief, and mother/daughter guilt.
Her journey has been mine in many ways: Worry about children? Check. Turn house upside down for missing shin guard: Check. Concern for aging parents and their memory lapses? Check. Saying goodbye to a much-beloved pet? Check. Having a dear friend die far to young? Check.
Van Ogtrop’s stories, most of them not Covid-related (thankfully), reminded me what it’s like to have dinner parties and sip wine with girlfriends in person and not on Zoom; and that if our careers feel stalled out, it’s not the end, there’s something else out there, another fulfilling chapter.
There are so many relevant-to-me statements in this book, and you’ll likely find more than a few yourself. The author quotes Nora Ephron: “I don’t think any day is worth living without thinking about what you’re going to eat next at all times.” And, in the context of remembering where we’ve come from: “This was, of course, before I gained the self-awareness to realize that I am not an intellectual, just a smartish person who likes to read.”
Most importantly, as pertains to motherhood, a statement from a letter van Ogtrop wrote to her son on the occasion of his college graduation. This is something I have lived and come to terms with, but it bears repeating and remembering, for me at least: “…one of my greatest mistakes as a mother was to conflate your success with mine.”
The icing on the cake is van Ogtrop’s occasional cultural references to things I love, like the TV shows Schitt’s Creek and the “six-hour, Pride and Prejudice starring Colin Firth, and the film It’s a Wonderful Life, an annual, Christmas Eve tradition in our home.
Kristin, you and your book showed up at just the right time. Thank you. Clearly, we have much in common. So, about that glass of wine…
June 13, 2021
I expected to like this much more than I did. I just didn't find it very relatable and much of her humor fell flat for me.
May 17, 2021
This is an enjoyable memoir-ish book, really more a collection of mostly humorous autobiographical essays. Basically, it’s written in the style of some of today’s comedic celebrity memoirs, except written by a non-celebrity (though she is the former editor of Real Simple magazine). It touches on everything from parenting to working to family to friendship to pets to mid-life to modern technology and more. It’s very relatable, and even the parts I couldn’t personally relate to were enjoyable to read about, a book that is both funny and poignant. I literally both laughed out loud and cried reading this book, nodded my head in recognition at certain things and felt a lump in my throat about some of the things that were on the horizon for me, like having slightly older kids and parents. I picked this one up because I heard the author was a fellow member of one of my favorite places on the internet, Peloton Moms Book Club, and I’m glad I did.
Thanks to Netgalley and the publisher for a free copy in exchange for an honest review.
Thanks to Netgalley and the publisher for a free copy in exchange for an honest review.
May 22, 2021
Wise, witty essays told in a distinctive voice that any woman past 40-something will love. As a friend said, Kristin van Ogtrop is the Gentile Nora Ephron.
April 19, 2021
This book was perfect because the essays were bite-size and so funny—relatable tales of work, family, love, and comic mishaps along the way. It talked about some of the indignities of middle age and how to get through mid-life. The original essays featured stories from the author's own life and anecdotes from her friends and family. I loved the humor and how all the essays tied up at the end.
I especially loved how her dad handled it when the author swallowed the fork; he said, "Could I just leave a fork on your pillow?" Then at the parking garage, he says, "Yep, this is my daughter. She swallowed a fork." I also loved the paragraph about aging and life because it sums up a lot in the book. The author said, "Yeats knew that things fall apart and the center cannot hold. My center cannot hold either, which is why I've got back fat and a muffin top above the waistband of my pants."
To listen to my interview with the author, go to my podcast at:
https://zibbyowens.com/transcript/kri...
I especially loved how her dad handled it when the author swallowed the fork; he said, "Could I just leave a fork on your pillow?" Then at the parking garage, he says, "Yep, this is my daughter. She swallowed a fork." I also loved the paragraph about aging and life because it sums up a lot in the book. The author said, "Yeats knew that things fall apart and the center cannot hold. My center cannot hold either, which is why I've got back fat and a muffin top above the waistband of my pants."
To listen to my interview with the author, go to my podcast at:
https://zibbyowens.com/transcript/kri...
May 2, 2021
Laughed out loud a few times, but mostly I couldn't relate as a large part of the book is about her being a mother. I don't, and won't, have kids so it doesn't apply to me. I can see how others might like it more though!
January 9, 2023
It seems to me that the more memoirs I read the more I wish for a memoir that resembles my life. Not privileged, but I am not disadvantaged either. Too much trauma makes me feel like an outside spectator (I wanted to say "voyeur" but I don't mean the sexual element.) and too much oblivious advantage (like Ms. von Ogrop) gets on my nerves.
Read
August 28, 2021A book about nothing that's not worth reading.
January 14, 2022
3.5 stars. The author has an interesting take on many life matters and she is funny but after a while it seemed to sound the same.
May 30, 2021
Simply delightful. I laughed (repeatedly), cried, and nodded my head in agreement as essay after essay resonated with me. I have no doubt women who have reached a certain age will enjoy this book. Normally I pass on this type of book, but my friend Mary Novaria's review was so compelling and well-written I decided to give it a try. And I'm very glad I did. Highly recommend. BTW, my library (which is considered one of the best in my state) did not have a copy. I suggested they get a copy and included Mary's review in my request. Within 24 hours I had access to an audiobook, which was a great was to devour this. And here's Mary's review, "I’m Saying it Out Loud: I Love This Book
My friend Judy and I ordered this book immediately after The Strand bookstore introduced us to Kristin van Ogtrop during a virtual book event in April. (Author Susan Orlean interviewed her, and that was indeed a treat!) After devouring Did I Say That Out Loud?, Judy and I both agreed we’d like to take Kristin out for a glass of wine. We want more of the stories, insights, and wit she shares – qualities that, these days, are much needed and all too rare.
Thanks to quarantine, racial injustice, and other factors I won’t bore you with, I confess I’ve found myself reading lately, especially non-fiction, with a somewhat hypercritical filter: “Well, there’s some privilege for you!” Or “How can this person be so tone deaf?” And, as I mentioned in another recent review, how annoyed I am by the self-congratulatory monologue that screams, "I've got it all figured out! I am enlightened! I am woke!"
Kristin van Ogtrop rises above all that to share that, like most of us, she doesn’t have it all figured out. Her honesty, humor, and self-deprecation made this book so relatable for me, another white, middle-aged, wife, mother, and writer. Like many of us, she had to come to terms with the rapidly changing publishing industry, leaving a much-loved editorial position. She admits to leaving in tears on her last day, which I appreciate because that would be me. (Screw the powers that be who encourage women to pretend we are stoic, automatons.)
The essays in this book drew me into van Ogtrop’s daily life so thoroughly that I felt like I could see into her home, hear her conversations and laughter, and feel her happiness, grief, and mother/daughter guilt.
Her journey has been mine in many ways: Worry about children? Check. Turn house upside down for missing shin guard: Check. Concern for aging parents and their memory lapses? Check. Saying goodbye to a much-beloved pet? Check. Having a dear friend die far to young? Check.
Van Ogtrop’s stories, most of them not Covid-related (thankfully), reminded me what it’s like to have dinner parties and sip wine with girlfriends in person and not on Zoom; and that if our careers feel stalled out, it’s not the end, there’s something else out there, another fulfilling chapter.
There are so many relevant-to-me statements in this book, and you’ll likely find more than a few yourself. The author quotes Nora Ephron: “I don’t think any day is worth living without thinking about what you’re going to eat next at all times.” And, in the context of remembering where we’ve come from: “This was, of course, before I gained the self-awareness to realize that I am not an intellectual, just a smartish person who likes to read.”
Most importantly, as pertains to motherhood, a statement from a letter van Ogtrop wrote to her son on the occasion of his college graduation. This is something I have lived and come to terms with, but it bears repeating and remembering, for me at least: “…one of my greatest mistakes as a mother was to conflate your success with mine.”
The icing on the cake is van Ogtrop’s occasional cultural references to things I love, like the TV shows Schitt’s Creek and the “six-hour, Pride and Prejudice starring Colin Firth, and the film It’s a Wonderful Life, an annual, Christmas Eve tradition in our home.
Kristin, you and your book showed up at just the right time. Thank you. Clearly, we have much in common. So, about that glass of wine…"
My friend Judy and I ordered this book immediately after The Strand bookstore introduced us to Kristin van Ogtrop during a virtual book event in April. (Author Susan Orlean interviewed her, and that was indeed a treat!) After devouring Did I Say That Out Loud?, Judy and I both agreed we’d like to take Kristin out for a glass of wine. We want more of the stories, insights, and wit she shares – qualities that, these days, are much needed and all too rare.
Thanks to quarantine, racial injustice, and other factors I won’t bore you with, I confess I’ve found myself reading lately, especially non-fiction, with a somewhat hypercritical filter: “Well, there’s some privilege for you!” Or “How can this person be so tone deaf?” And, as I mentioned in another recent review, how annoyed I am by the self-congratulatory monologue that screams, "I've got it all figured out! I am enlightened! I am woke!"
Kristin van Ogtrop rises above all that to share that, like most of us, she doesn’t have it all figured out. Her honesty, humor, and self-deprecation made this book so relatable for me, another white, middle-aged, wife, mother, and writer. Like many of us, she had to come to terms with the rapidly changing publishing industry, leaving a much-loved editorial position. She admits to leaving in tears on her last day, which I appreciate because that would be me. (Screw the powers that be who encourage women to pretend we are stoic, automatons.)
The essays in this book drew me into van Ogtrop’s daily life so thoroughly that I felt like I could see into her home, hear her conversations and laughter, and feel her happiness, grief, and mother/daughter guilt.
Her journey has been mine in many ways: Worry about children? Check. Turn house upside down for missing shin guard: Check. Concern for aging parents and their memory lapses? Check. Saying goodbye to a much-beloved pet? Check. Having a dear friend die far to young? Check.
Van Ogtrop’s stories, most of them not Covid-related (thankfully), reminded me what it’s like to have dinner parties and sip wine with girlfriends in person and not on Zoom; and that if our careers feel stalled out, it’s not the end, there’s something else out there, another fulfilling chapter.
There are so many relevant-to-me statements in this book, and you’ll likely find more than a few yourself. The author quotes Nora Ephron: “I don’t think any day is worth living without thinking about what you’re going to eat next at all times.” And, in the context of remembering where we’ve come from: “This was, of course, before I gained the self-awareness to realize that I am not an intellectual, just a smartish person who likes to read.”
Most importantly, as pertains to motherhood, a statement from a letter van Ogtrop wrote to her son on the occasion of his college graduation. This is something I have lived and come to terms with, but it bears repeating and remembering, for me at least: “…one of my greatest mistakes as a mother was to conflate your success with mine.”
The icing on the cake is van Ogtrop’s occasional cultural references to things I love, like the TV shows Schitt’s Creek and the “six-hour, Pride and Prejudice starring Colin Firth, and the film It’s a Wonderful Life, an annual, Christmas Eve tradition in our home.
Kristin, you and your book showed up at just the right time. Thank you. Clearly, we have much in common. So, about that glass of wine…"
April 2, 2021
Enjoyable. Relatable. Poignant. I love KVO and miss her at the helm of Real Simple. Thank you to Kristin VanOgtrop, Little, Brown and Company, and Net Galley for the ARC! #didisaythatoutloud #netgalley
September 10, 2022
I loved this. I would definitely read more of van Ogtrop's stuff, if she were to write more.
October 27, 2023
Funny, poignant account of what it is like to be a woman "of a certain age.!!"
April 28, 2021
Howled with laughter. Exactly what I needed. Please read this book if you are middle age ish with young adult ish kids 😎
May 14, 2024
funny and poignant
I seriously both laughed and cried (dog lovers, brace yourselves). A great read. Also, made me feel better about midlife crises.
I seriously both laughed and cried (dog lovers, brace yourselves). A great read. Also, made me feel better about midlife crises.
October 31, 2021
I really enjoyed this book. It was funny and truthful about life’s ups and downs.
May 11, 2022
I loved this book. Many of the chapters resonated with me!
April 3, 2021
You are not alone! That’s what I took away from this book about the indignities of being a middle aged woman, or, to be more specific, an upper middle class privileged woman in her 50s negotiating changing circumstances. I could have written this book - just change a few names and places. I think most of my friends also could have written this. Kristin van Ogtrop takes on our bodies, our adult children, our parents, waning careers, book club, and evolving friendships with gentle humor and only some sadness. Written during the pandemic, and read by me during the same, her words hit home even closer than they might in a few years. Van Ogtrop left me laughing, nostalgic but somehow energized and hopeful for the next chapter. A very fun read that book clubs like mine would enjoy for a change of pace.
December 12, 2022
She said exactly what I feel.
January 18, 2022
OK, maybe I'm being generous and this is really 4 1/2 stars. But van Ogrtop is five stars.
I picked this off of the New Books shelf at my library and figured the subtitle, Midlife Indignities and How To Survive Them was going to position this as a kind of I Feel Bad About My Neck, but it was more, and different. And it surpassed, or edged around, my expectations at every turn.
This is mostly series of essays, masquerading as a midlife memoir, by a woman who reached the pinnacle of success in her profession (editing what's probably the most popular home/women's magazine of the last two decades); she's white and has money, seems to have a good marriage and her complaints about her kids are mild and the kind that won't make anyone pity her. And then she stepped off the "lean-in" track, not entirely of her own accord. (She notes late in the book that she's got the kind of money a company pays you to go away.) She talks a lot of about her dogs and her relatives. I wouldn't have expected to like this as much as I did.
But the book starts with a medical experience, if not exactly a medical mystery, and she's not full of herself. She's not entitled or melodramatic or performing a funny monologue. She's just making the kind of stray (and not-so-stray) observations one makes in that strange experience of suddenly being in a medical emergency. And she doesn't go for the big laugh. Instead, she delivers some gentle laughs, and some poignant observations, and some things that (not being a mother) I may never understand viscerally, and some other things (being a daughter) that made me cry with recognition.
van Ogtrop isn't looking to do standup comedy here. She's not trying to be Erma Bombeck when she talks about the parenting and householding parts of her life. She's not aiming to be Nora Ephron with her tendrils in the social and physical indignities of being a woman of a certain age. And she's not trying to be like every other woman author out there, joking-not-joking about drinking too much wine. Every time I feared she might be veering toward "that kind" of book (being whatever kind of book I don't like), she subverted my expectations.
I don't see myself in van Ogtrop; no matter how she tries to make it seem "normal," her life is too beyond-upper-middle-class magical (career, money, house, husband, kids) for me to see myself in her. But in many ways, I see the world the way she does, and sometimes that's what it takes to find a kinship with an author.
As for the writing itself, it's solid. As a former magazine writer and editor, I'm not surprised. But what does surprise, and sometimes tantalize, are some unexpectedly insightful turns of phrase that takes the book up a notch.
I picked this off of the New Books shelf at my library and figured the subtitle, Midlife Indignities and How To Survive Them was going to position this as a kind of I Feel Bad About My Neck, but it was more, and different. And it surpassed, or edged around, my expectations at every turn.
This is mostly series of essays, masquerading as a midlife memoir, by a woman who reached the pinnacle of success in her profession (editing what's probably the most popular home/women's magazine of the last two decades); she's white and has money, seems to have a good marriage and her complaints about her kids are mild and the kind that won't make anyone pity her. And then she stepped off the "lean-in" track, not entirely of her own accord. (She notes late in the book that she's got the kind of money a company pays you to go away.) She talks a lot of about her dogs and her relatives. I wouldn't have expected to like this as much as I did.
But the book starts with a medical experience, if not exactly a medical mystery, and she's not full of herself. She's not entitled or melodramatic or performing a funny monologue. She's just making the kind of stray (and not-so-stray) observations one makes in that strange experience of suddenly being in a medical emergency. And she doesn't go for the big laugh. Instead, she delivers some gentle laughs, and some poignant observations, and some things that (not being a mother) I may never understand viscerally, and some other things (being a daughter) that made me cry with recognition.
van Ogtrop isn't looking to do standup comedy here. She's not trying to be Erma Bombeck when she talks about the parenting and householding parts of her life. She's not aiming to be Nora Ephron with her tendrils in the social and physical indignities of being a woman of a certain age. And she's not trying to be like every other woman author out there, joking-not-joking about drinking too much wine. Every time I feared she might be veering toward "that kind" of book (being whatever kind of book I don't like), she subverted my expectations.
I don't see myself in van Ogtrop; no matter how she tries to make it seem "normal," her life is too beyond-upper-middle-class magical (career, money, house, husband, kids) for me to see myself in her. But in many ways, I see the world the way she does, and sometimes that's what it takes to find a kinship with an author.
As for the writing itself, it's solid. As a former magazine writer and editor, I'm not surprised. But what does surprise, and sometimes tantalize, are some unexpectedly insightful turns of phrase that takes the book up a notch.
May 6, 2021
I thought I was going to really like this as I think I am the target audience and this belief was reinforced when the first part talked about how prevalent mindfulness has become but not all that funny or interesting. Her swallowing a plastic fork tine, survey reviews, college kids jobs at Vogue, Premiere, Glamour and Time Inc and death of magazines, toenail, she shed - even those insights I liked (the ones with kids) were not original.
Surprised she uses mankind instead of humanity
Best essays we’re the ones about the kids: worrying about them even if you have no idea what they do at college, fact that they can use 3D printer but can’t mail a letter, turning on the TV with all the remotes and comfort with tech and how they keep you so busy and yet you miss them when they’re gone.
-I’ll be nicer if you’ll be smarter.
-her parents subtext: You are amazing. You can handle that. You’ll figure it out. You will succeed.
Surprised she uses mankind instead of humanity
Best essays we’re the ones about the kids: worrying about them even if you have no idea what they do at college, fact that they can use 3D printer but can’t mail a letter, turning on the TV with all the remotes and comfort with tech and how they keep you so busy and yet you miss them when they’re gone.
-I’ll be nicer if you’ll be smarter.
-her parents subtext: You are amazing. You can handle that. You’ll figure it out. You will succeed.
July 22, 2021
This took me way too long to get through but only due to my lack of reading time. I really enjoyed this book. The reader is treated to stories about aging, parenting, jobs and just life. I found her writing funny and entertaining, even the parts about children (that I don't usually relate to). I would definitely pick up another book from this author.
Thank you to Little, Brown and Company and NetGalley for the eARC in exchange for my honest review.
Thank you to Little, Brown and Company and NetGalley for the eARC in exchange for my honest review.
August 1, 2021
I found this so incredibly relatable for this stage of life. Mostly funny but also poignant and thoughtful at different points. I’ve been reading Real Simple fir 20 years so kind of fun to get some insight into her role as Editor in Chief. She was incredibly candid about some aspects of that job and colleagues - loved that she was honest and pissed if about the leadership. She covered family and life-stage topics really well. Loved it.
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