What Becomes You

American Lives

by Aaron Raz Link, Hilda Raz

“Being a man, like being a woman, is something you have to learn,” Aaron Raz Link remarks. Few would know this better than the coauthor of What Becomes You , who began life as a girl named Sarah and twenty-nine years later began life anew as a gay man. Turning from female to male and from teaching scientist to theatre performer, Link documents the extraordinary medical, social, legal, and personal process involved in a complete identity change. Hilda Raz, a well-known feminist writer and teacher, observes the process as both an “astonished” parent and as a professor who has studied gender issues. All these perspectives come into play in this collaborative memoir, which travels between women’s experience and men’s lives, explores the art and science of changing sex, maps uncharted family values, and journeys through a world transformed by surgery, hormones, love, and . . . clown school. Combining personal experience and critical analysis, the book is an unusual—and unusually fascinating—reflection on gender, sex, and the art of living.

Genres: Memoir, Queer, Nonfiction, LGBT, Transgender, Autobiography, Gender

304 pages, Hardcover

First published April 1, 2007

Reviews

[Monica · Rating 1 out of 5]

the author (who i consider to be aaron, with his mom writing a kind of afterward) seems to live in a way that focuses on other people's treatment of himself, or at least describes this treatment/reaction in critical detail and then analyzes the hell out of it. this kind of analysis seems like such a depressing exercise and a horribly exhausting way to live. (i guess this is when s and g's 'i am a rock' starts to kick in)

the part written by his mother was more appealing to me because she seems generous and open-hearted. she also seems just genuinely pleased that her child is more confident and less depressed and surly then before surgery. so that's nice to hear, because it was kind of frightening for me to lose empathy/compassion for the writer in the course of reading a memoir. i was expecting the opposite.

[ken · Rating 5 out of 5]

At times this books gets a bit too self-indulgent, too tedious, and at other times it seems that mother and son are speaking in code to each other and not supplying the necessary clues to allow the reader in.. BUT somewhere along the way I found a really tender story about someone labeled transexual who just wants to share his perspective and give his mother the chance to do the same.
Also.. as the story happens primarily in Portland I get to feel a different sense of connection as this isn't just about my queer community but my local community too. I know it's silly but it's nice to have that connection.

[mr. kate · Rating 3 out of 5]

I have to admit that I only skimmed/half read the portion of this book written by Hilda Link...mostly because the book was overdue at the library, but also because I felt supremely disconnected from her grieving for her daughter after spending two hundred pages getting to know her son. I enjoyed Aaron Raz Link's prose, though I sometimes became confused in the loose essay structure of the book.

[Isaiah · Rating 3 out of 5]

To see more reviews check out MI Book Reviews.

I got this book from a friend otherwise I probably wouldn’t have grabbed it. The cover isn’t one that made me want to read it and I am a bad bibliophile judging books by covers and titles. I am glad I got the chance to read the book, but it isn’t one I will rave about.

The structure of the book has Aaron telling his story first. He is a gay trans man who loves to perform. He is very scientific minded and surprisingly human despite his mind. From the first page I was hooked on Aaron’s story and I wanted to read more. I was just so into it. I didn’t know why, but I kept going. While it wasn’t a funny memoir or a serious one, it was one that had me reading. I wanted to find out what Aaron had to say.

Hilda had the second part of the book. She is Aaron’s mother, a great feminist, and a loving person. While I didn’t care much for her section of the book, I did care for her. I was pretty bored through her portion (if she said one more time that Aaron told her to write her own story I would have screamed). I liked her story when she talked about herself and let me in on her world. I was really impressed that she was able to see where her feminism while well meaning and needed may not have lined up with rearing a male child (she didn’t understand a great deal about his transition, but she is trying which is why she rates so highly in my list of mothers).

Overall, this book wasn’t all that magical. It was more a real picture of humans going through some events and doing some stuff (real graphic description I know). While I was interested, I also felt like I wasn’t getting a lot of real emotion from Aaron. I got a lot of real emotion from Hilda. Their stories and their writing were so different that it was fascinating to see how two generations of Raz can be so different yet so similar. I liked how the title was picked from Hilda’s mother’s saying. It really made the book feel like it was coming from a family.

[Virgowriter (Brad Windhauser) · Rating 3 out of 5]

He and his mother—the co-authors—have important stories and perspectives, but the majority of the book (Aaron’s) is built through essays that don’t flesh out a story, and some of the essays are interesting but they don’t do consistently bring those details and insight together in the surface of a coherent story. Feels like a lot of his life left out, and this story would have presented a better sense of their journey—like they’re switch from being destitute to being a biologist. As far as mom’s story, it’s written better, and normally I am not interested in what a non-queer identifying person has to say about a queer experience, but she makes it work.

[Cyd · Rating 5 out of 5]

The authors are a transgender man and his mother. Compelling, beautiful, fierce.

[Alex · Rating 3 out of 5]

Overall
While this book has an interesting concept, the writing and length kept me from really enjoying it. Some parts felt overly repetitious and went on too long, while other parts felt like they were barely explained. The language and grammar seems more poetic than prose, which sometimes makes it difficult to understand what is being said--or what is trying to be said. However, this is balanced out by some sections that are beautifully written (when the style clicks with what's being said) and express important and powerful messages. I wish I could read an abridged version.

Strengths
I think the thing that saved this book from being a terrible read was that the sections that I enjoyed, I really loved. I loved the ideas Aaron shares and his story. I wanted to know more, see more, learn more. He had sections that seemed almost enlightened in both their concepts and their writing. I loved those sections. Sadly, they were not all that often.

Topic. Obviously people don't pick this book up (most likely) unless they have an interest in transsexuals or concepts of gender and sexuality. It's why I picked it up and those elements were completely satisfied by the end. They book also does an excellent job of looking at perception: how we perceive ourselves, how others perceive us and how that perception can change.

Weaknesses
Lack of linear story telling. While I can respect that this isn't an autobiography in the traditional sense, I found the amount of skipping around difficult to follow. Aaron's story is especially bad at this as his early adult life (mainly his 20s) are shown in such brief and random glimpses that it's hard to tell what's happening in his life. While obviously the events aren't meant to be the central focus of the book, it made it hard for me to understand his emotions and his mental standing when he turned 30.

Hilda's section. While Hilda's section had some interesting parts, for the majority I wasn't interested. Perhaps it's because my own perspective aligns more with Aaron's, but I think it's more a matter of not feeling particularly compassionate toward her story and her telling of it. While she stresses that Aaron wanted her to write about herself, I still felt like her story was more selfish in its attempt to share the same story Aaron told from the opposite side.

Writing. The writing wasn't necessarily bad, but it had a certain poetic style that was sometimes difficult to understand. It felt like a prose poem rather than straight prose, which didn't lend itself to expressing the story these two individuals were trying to tell.

Be sure to check out my other reviews on my blog.

[Mirrordance · Rating 3 out of 5]

Tre stellina e mezza per questo libro particolare ed a tratti impegnativo. La lettura ha assuno per me la forma di una gaussiana; un inizio in salita e la difficoltà di andare avanti tanto è vero che è rimasto più di un anno in quescienza e l'ho ripreso in mano ricominciando tutto dall'inizio con amggiore piglio, complice anche4 una "sfida" di lettura. Superata la prima impasse il libro si fa interessante e decolla appieno nella seconda parte per poi calare nuovamente. Una specie di memoriale a quattro mani scritto da Aaron e Hilda Raz, in realtà due memoriali, non paralleli ma associati. Due storie e memorie diverse che si intrecciano nella realzione madre figli*.

Il racconto di Aaron si distingue da tante altre narrazioni autobiografiche di transizione ed una volta ancora ci dimostra che ciascun individuo ha la sua storia, il suo percorso il suo vissuto. Dall'alltra parte abbiamo Hilda, una donna forte, una poetessa, una femminista con una forte consapevolezza del femminile e il suo tentativo di rivedere le sue "aspettative" e di rinunciare a quel rapporto madre/figlia che credeva di avere. Un reset mentale sui rapporti personali, sul femminile, sulla tradizione familiare. La paret emotiva di Hilda è la parte più interssante del libro, il suo mettersi a nudo e mettersi in discussione. Non c'è mai la non accettazione della transizione del figlio ma c'è la lunga elaborazione del lutto per una figlia che non c'è mai stata e che credeva di avere.

[Devin · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book gives a great multi-perspective of gender from the eyes of a mother and child. A must read for a well rounded insight into how people perceive gender and gender roles in western society. Also and interesting look at how medical procedures have changed over time regarding transsexual/transgender care.

[Andrew · Rating 5 out of 5]

Aaron and Hilda both have done me a great service in their writing. They breathe literature and science, creating meaning from chaos with poetry and (obviously) prose. They ask questions with words where I only had guttural instincts - now I know both the questions and (a few of) the (possible) answers.

[Alison · Rating 3 out of 5]

Decent book, I like the approach. It seemed, at times, repetitive and toward the end I was lost as space and time seemed to escape the author. Enjoyed the mothers section, havnt heard that story before. I wish there were photos- I expect them in autobiographies, help me stay engaged.

[Deb · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is unlike anything else I've read. A mother and her transsexual son (who was born female)tell the story of his gender transformation from each of their perspectives with much honesty, compassion and intelligent commentary. Highly recommended.

[Lilli · Rating 4 out of 5]

this is a really interesting book, especially for those trying to get a deeper understanding of gender identity. the dual perspectives (mother and son) make good food for thought.

[Jessye Cohen-Filipic · Rating 4 out of 5]

Read this book to review it for a psychology publication. Interesting story of a tranasgender man.

[Kathryn C · Rating 3 out of 5]

It seems like an interesting idea and I was curious about Aaron's story, but Aaron writes his perspective from a purposefully obtuse angle that detracts from the message at times.

[marmix · Rating 3 out of 5]

I had hoped this memoir would be more insightful somehow, less disjointed. I did appreciate having a mother's perspective represented, but her writing also felt a bit repressed.

[Akiva ꙮ · Rating 4 out of 5]

Interesting and original, with both thoughtful analysis and good storytelling. Maybe tips a bit too far to the indecipherably literary side on occasion, but it was nice to be challenged.

[Clivemichael · Rating 3 out of 5]

A moving, challenging story. I appreciated hearing the perspective of the mother as an afterword