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Shame Baseball
For years, John has served as a pastor to a socially progressive church of artists in Los Angeles. Cloistered in this bubble, he was floored by the outcome of the 2016 election, a shock that continues to compound. Waking to how entwined American Christianity has become with anti-Christ ideologies, seeing that even his own "inclusive" community propagates shame while preaching love, John resigns from the church. He flees--LA, his wife, his entire web of relationships, all of which were glued to the church. As he sets out on this wandering road trip, John seeks to fathom the depths of his own complicity in systems of abuse, his own shame, by writing to his father, the conservative evangelical. In journaling, John hopes to discover what relationship could exist between this unbendingly legalistic man and the first authentic self he's ever shown. On this walkabout, John logs new and old friendships, adventures, and traumas that push him to sublime joy and his faith to the brink. In his writing, John begins to make sense of his swirling present and complicated past to see if he might reconcile to all those relationships he fled. He sketches what of his faith might remain after the deconstruction--a Heavenly Father untangled from his earthly one, what of God is left after shame is gone.
154 pages, Kindle Edition
Published July 30, 2020
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Displaying 1 - 2 of 2 reviews
August 21, 2020
Shame is the most important emotion of the 21st Century. Too little, and the id runs absolutely rampant. Too much, and self-hatred reigns, fomenting depression, anxiety, obsession, compulsion, and addiction. What moderated early humanity and bolstered the foundations of societies of every stripe no longer has the power to chasten the corrupt (if it ever did), yet it has the force to fuel nihilism.
Baseball can be a fun game, provided fathers don't pay attention to it.
Their intersection, presented ably by first time author Jeff Newburg, is at turns meditative, elusive, referential, and primal. A single vignette provides a microcosm:
"Then I was back to surveying my mother’s picture shelf after her death, finding my little league photo pin, big and proud as a presidential campaign button. Four years old, a Pittsburgh Pirate squeezing that bat as tight as my chubby angel hands could.
I remember being at bat for the first time in teeball, you shouting Choke Up! Choke up! your face red raging. Unschooled in the language of baseball, I stretched my chin to the sky, cut off my breathing and clenched my throat in a shivering exertion. To my mind and experience, of course my father was commanding me to choke myself in public with the power of my mind."
Newburg's "Shame Baseball" is challenging to classify. It is, at times: polemic, epistolary, apologetic, music criticism, memoir, theology, and anti-theology.
This should, by rights, be a bit messy. But then, that's the point.
Telling the story of young but rapidly approaching middle-aged associate pastor named John, "Shame Baseball" explores the edges of marital and spiritual fidelity, generational trauma, pan-hypocrisy, and the simple pleasures of an earnest song performed as loudly as possible with everyone singing along, whether they know it or not.
It's not an easy read, but it's also hard to put down. John pushes readers away. He makes choices that seem to defy reason. But it's hard to look away, and the all-to-familiar failures of his parents are visited on us all.
In short, this is a singular book. Its scars are vivid but fading, partially forgiven and never forgotten. It's a tear-jerker with a cliff-hanger. And it's a book I can't stop thinking about.
Baseball can be a fun game, provided fathers don't pay attention to it.
Their intersection, presented ably by first time author Jeff Newburg, is at turns meditative, elusive, referential, and primal. A single vignette provides a microcosm:
"Then I was back to surveying my mother’s picture shelf after her death, finding my little league photo pin, big and proud as a presidential campaign button. Four years old, a Pittsburgh Pirate squeezing that bat as tight as my chubby angel hands could.
I remember being at bat for the first time in teeball, you shouting Choke Up! Choke up! your face red raging. Unschooled in the language of baseball, I stretched my chin to the sky, cut off my breathing and clenched my throat in a shivering exertion. To my mind and experience, of course my father was commanding me to choke myself in public with the power of my mind."
Newburg's "Shame Baseball" is challenging to classify. It is, at times: polemic, epistolary, apologetic, music criticism, memoir, theology, and anti-theology.
This should, by rights, be a bit messy. But then, that's the point.
Telling the story of young but rapidly approaching middle-aged associate pastor named John, "Shame Baseball" explores the edges of marital and spiritual fidelity, generational trauma, pan-hypocrisy, and the simple pleasures of an earnest song performed as loudly as possible with everyone singing along, whether they know it or not.
It's not an easy read, but it's also hard to put down. John pushes readers away. He makes choices that seem to defy reason. But it's hard to look away, and the all-to-familiar failures of his parents are visited on us all.
In short, this is a singular book. Its scars are vivid but fading, partially forgiven and never forgotten. It's a tear-jerker with a cliff-hanger. And it's a book I can't stop thinking about.
December 13, 2020
Compelling. Beautifully written. Had to force myself to put it down and not read it in one sitting.
I felt I was walking in his shoes while reading the words. The story-telling is so vivid that it is as if I was in the narrator’s soul and spirit, watching with his eyes and feeling with his heart, walking with his spirit. Emotionally gripping and a story you just can’t put down.
You can feel the pain and challenge the narrator endures on his journey. It can be raw to read, and also helpful if you have experienced similar mistreatments in life. You’re not alone.
The shame experience shared in this book is all to relatable and helped me see shame that I had not known was present in my own story and cell memories. When I find new pockets of shame in my being, understand it’s origin and work to release it, the emotional and physical release experienced creates space and ability for new depths of joy and pleasure in life.
Thanks for the read. Highly suggest.
I felt I was walking in his shoes while reading the words. The story-telling is so vivid that it is as if I was in the narrator’s soul and spirit, watching with his eyes and feeling with his heart, walking with his spirit. Emotionally gripping and a story you just can’t put down.
You can feel the pain and challenge the narrator endures on his journey. It can be raw to read, and also helpful if you have experienced similar mistreatments in life. You’re not alone.
The shame experience shared in this book is all to relatable and helped me see shame that I had not known was present in my own story and cell memories. When I find new pockets of shame in my being, understand it’s origin and work to release it, the emotional and physical release experienced creates space and ability for new depths of joy and pleasure in life.
Thanks for the read. Highly suggest.
Displaying 1 - 2 of 2 reviews