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Becoming Duchess Goldblatt
Goodreads Choice Award
Nominee for Readers' Favorite Humor (2020)
Part memoir and part joyful romp through the fields of imagination, the story behind a beloved pseudonymous Twitter account reveals how a writer deep in grief rebuilt a life worth living.
Becoming Duchess Goldblatt is two stories: that of the reclusive real-life writer who created a fictional character out of loneliness and thin air, and that of the magical Duchess Goldblatt herself, a bright light in the darkness of social media. Fans around the world are drawn to Her Grace’s voice, her wit, her life-affirming love for all humanity, and the fun and friendship of the community that’s sprung up around her.
Becoming Duchess Goldblatt is two stories: that of the reclusive real-life writer who created a fictional character out of loneliness and thin air, and that of the magical Duchess Goldblatt herself, a bright light in the darkness of social media. Fans around the world are drawn to Her Grace’s voice, her wit, her life-affirming love for all humanity, and the fun and friendship of the community that’s sprung up around her.
256 pages, Paperback
First published July 7, 2020
890 people are currently reading
13408 people want to read
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 1,790 reviews
April 17, 2022
5★
“Nobody’s ever read my aura, but if I had to guess, I’d say it’s probably light gray and covered with lint. I’m exhausted most of the time, impatient, distracted, visiting another neighborhood in my head, always with a slow current of sadness underneath. Duchess is white light. She’s fully present. She’s something else entirely.”
She certainly is something else entirely! I was actually reading another fat paperback book but was going to sit outside in the Aussie winter sun (during isolation and all that), so I wanted to hold something easier to read – my Kindle. An hour or so in the sun and a few hours later indoors, there was nothing more to read and I felt like this.
There’s been plenty of publicity about this wonderful memoir, so I’ll say only that the author has written about the pain and heartbreak of her real, turbulent, rug-out-from-under-her childhood and married life. She was deeply affected by the bad stuff, but her kindly father also had a strong influence.
While trying to recover from the trauma, she invented 81-year-old Duchess Goldblatt as a social media presence so she could lurk and read and say snarky things with anonymity. But she found she cared about the people she interacted with – and she did interact – so much so that she started tweeting kind things to everyone who contacted her.
She is now one of the Twitterati with followers and fans and friends who rely on her kindness and wisdom. She has doubtless brought not only herself back from the brink of despair but many others who have found a friend in her, although they don’t know who she is.
Someone who does know is her hero, Lyle Lovatt, the singer. (His part of the story is a lot of fun, but I'll leave that for you to discover). When I read about Duchess’s early life, I see a damaged soul who was selectively mute in primary school and who felt worthless. I imagine she was hard to live with and hard for teachers and classmates to understand.
Later, I suspect her husband ran up against the same protective barriers, so he walked out. But they shared joint custody of their little boy, which broke her apart. She and her son are twin souls, very close, practically reading each other’s minds. For them to be separated for days at a time has been torture.
“At the playground: my son, four years old, playing in the sandbox with his pal. He’s digging in the sand with a plastic shovel and reciting a string of numbers, over and over, an incantation. His friend asks him why he always repeats those same numbers over and over.
‘I passcode protected my mom.’ As if it should be obvious.
‘Why?’
‘To keep her safe.’”
That close. Somehow, she has managed to pick up the pieces of her broken self and establish a new persona with the bright shiny ones. The other, darker, duller pieces went back to work, where her memory wasn’t functioning as it used to. She has noticeable gaps, but it’s hard to pinpoint where they are.
“I’ve been told since, by specialists, that this kind of thing can happen. The human mind is kind. It will create blank spaces for itself. I think of them as little airbags in my mind, cushioning the tender places where the blows and bruises are.”
I have a good friend who’s had a couple of bouts of transient global amnesia after a very bad breakup, and I like to think now that her gaps are little airbags rather than losses.
Duchess goes back to work, working with words, in publishing, editing, I’m not exactly sure. She offers professional advice and warnings.
She’s a bit of a loner by nature with very few good ‘real’ friends. Of one of her oldest, she says
“He still travels in some of the social circles I used to be in, with some of the friends I used to have. I don’t think I’m in a circle anymore. I might be in a dotted line now, or just a dot.”
But Duchess Goldblatt is sociable and wise and funny. She is not a duchess, it’s her first name, but her new friends call her Your Grace. She lives in the fictional town of Crooked Path NY, a few miles north of New York City and a few miles south of Canada. So you know it’s fictional. She refers to festivals and events there as if they were real. Her fans have started getting together and creating memorabilia and making friends with each other. She loves them all and keeps them up to date.
The book is full of what I think are some of her tweets – wise, clever sayings – some warm and fuzzy, some funny, all entertaining. In the book they are interspersed here and there and indented on the page. Here are a few. Trust me, there are plenty more! Her observations are a delight.
If you ever need someone to reign on your parade, this Duchess is your girl. At 81 years old, she is still a girl. Her story is wonderful and so is her creator.
I can’t thank NetGalley and Houghton Mifflin Harcourt enough for the preview copy from which I’ve quoted far too much and will probably continue to quote for some time to come. These are just a few samples. Long live @duchessgoldblatt!
#NetGalley #BecomingDuchessGoldblatt
“Nobody’s ever read my aura, but if I had to guess, I’d say it’s probably light gray and covered with lint. I’m exhausted most of the time, impatient, distracted, visiting another neighborhood in my head, always with a slow current of sadness underneath. Duchess is white light. She’s fully present. She’s something else entirely.”
She certainly is something else entirely! I was actually reading another fat paperback book but was going to sit outside in the Aussie winter sun (during isolation and all that), so I wanted to hold something easier to read – my Kindle. An hour or so in the sun and a few hours later indoors, there was nothing more to read and I felt like this.
It’s a terrible thing to get old. I lost another lifelong friend today. And yet I’m sure I put her here somewhere.”
There’s been plenty of publicity about this wonderful memoir, so I’ll say only that the author has written about the pain and heartbreak of her real, turbulent, rug-out-from-under-her childhood and married life. She was deeply affected by the bad stuff, but her kindly father also had a strong influence.
While trying to recover from the trauma, she invented 81-year-old Duchess Goldblatt as a social media presence so she could lurk and read and say snarky things with anonymity. But she found she cared about the people she interacted with – and she did interact – so much so that she started tweeting kind things to everyone who contacted her.
She is now one of the Twitterati with followers and fans and friends who rely on her kindness and wisdom. She has doubtless brought not only herself back from the brink of despair but many others who have found a friend in her, although they don’t know who she is.
Someone who does know is her hero, Lyle Lovatt, the singer. (His part of the story is a lot of fun, but I'll leave that for you to discover). When I read about Duchess’s early life, I see a damaged soul who was selectively mute in primary school and who felt worthless. I imagine she was hard to live with and hard for teachers and classmates to understand.
Later, I suspect her husband ran up against the same protective barriers, so he walked out. But they shared joint custody of their little boy, which broke her apart. She and her son are twin souls, very close, practically reading each other’s minds. For them to be separated for days at a time has been torture.
“At the playground: my son, four years old, playing in the sandbox with his pal. He’s digging in the sand with a plastic shovel and reciting a string of numbers, over and over, an incantation. His friend asks him why he always repeats those same numbers over and over.
‘I passcode protected my mom.’ As if it should be obvious.
‘Why?’
‘To keep her safe.’”
That close. Somehow, she has managed to pick up the pieces of her broken self and establish a new persona with the bright shiny ones. The other, darker, duller pieces went back to work, where her memory wasn’t functioning as it used to. She has noticeable gaps, but it’s hard to pinpoint where they are.
“I’ve been told since, by specialists, that this kind of thing can happen. The human mind is kind. It will create blank spaces for itself. I think of them as little airbags in my mind, cushioning the tender places where the blows and bruises are.”
I have a good friend who’s had a couple of bouts of transient global amnesia after a very bad breakup, and I like to think now that her gaps are little airbags rather than losses.
Duchess goes back to work, working with words, in publishing, editing, I’m not exactly sure. She offers professional advice and warnings.
”When I edit, I remove the words that don’t want to be there, hand wash them in warm water, and lay them flat to dry. I might use them later.
. . .
Writers can be a lot of fun at parties, but word to the wise: Keep an eye on your good memories. They’ll strip them down for parts.”
. . .
“Not until people start seeing typos eating out of their garbage cans at night will they regret hunting proofreaders almost to extinction.”
She’s a bit of a loner by nature with very few good ‘real’ friends. Of one of her oldest, she says
“He still travels in some of the social circles I used to be in, with some of the friends I used to have. I don’t think I’m in a circle anymore. I might be in a dotted line now, or just a dot.”
But Duchess Goldblatt is sociable and wise and funny. She is not a duchess, it’s her first name, but her new friends call her Your Grace. She lives in the fictional town of Crooked Path NY, a few miles north of New York City and a few miles south of Canada. So you know it’s fictional. She refers to festivals and events there as if they were real. Her fans have started getting together and creating memorabilia and making friends with each other. She loves them all and keeps them up to date.
I can’t talk now. Vandals have gotten into the Crooked Path town square fountain and siphoned off all the wishes.
The book is full of what I think are some of her tweets – wise, clever sayings – some warm and fuzzy, some funny, all entertaining. In the book they are interspersed here and there and indented on the page. Here are a few. Trust me, there are plenty more! Her observations are a delight.
”A lot of people go very Martha Graham when dancing on their enemies’ graves. Me, I like flamenco. I want the souls of the dead to feel it.
. . .
People often come to me seeking the true meaning of life, but I find they’re usually satisfied with half a sandwich.
. . .
Don’t let anyone shame you for your love of an imaginary friend. Religions have been founded on less.”
If you ever need someone to reign on your parade, this Duchess is your girl. At 81 years old, she is still a girl. Her story is wonderful and so is her creator.
I can’t thank NetGalley and Houghton Mifflin Harcourt enough for the preview copy from which I’ve quoted far too much and will probably continue to quote for some time to come. These are just a few samples. Long live @duchessgoldblatt!
#NetGalley #BecomingDuchessGoldblatt
November 8, 2020
I had not heard of the phenomenon that is Duchess Goldblatt, I only learned of her Grace while perusing the library’s books on order. This pseudonymous author whose Twitter followers number in the many thousands and include some well-known, respected authors had eluded me. Reading about her love of Lyle Lovett and the friendship they've developed filled my heart with joy. I will not be able to do this book justice, but I hope you read it all the same.
This is as much a memoir as a canvas for her musings which she scatters throughout the narrative providing glimmers of wit and wisdom. I was swept away by the exceptional writing, her heartache and vulnerability on full display made me wince, her slightly twisted, but wickedly smart humor lightened the load.
The author took what was a dark time in her life and created a character who radiates positivity and dispenses bon mots. During Lent she gives her followers slightly absurd mindfulness sacrifice assignments and she hosts virtual dog and cat shows . It’s a wacky world she’s fashioned, but one in which she found comfort from the community she created and they, in turn, found a beacon of light in the often dark world of social media.
This is one of my favorite books this year, though I understand it won’t be for everyone. For me, this book is emblematic of what we’ve experienced since March, each of us finding our way through some dark days, looking for community while in isolation, finding the humor in the murky crevices.
Long live Duchess Goldblatt, long may she reign.
A few offbeat tweets I found delectable…
Writing isn’t hard. Worming my way into your heart one step at a time is hard. But it’s holy work, and I bought a boat with the overtime.
When I edit, I remove the words that don’t want to be there, hand wash them in warm water, lay them flat to dry. I might use them later.
Minor floods in Crooked Path tonight. Volunteers are redirecting storm flows with burlap bags, weighted with unfulfilled expectations.
Writers can be a lot of fun at parties, but word to the wise: Keep an eye on your good memories. They’ll strip them down for parts.
Try getting a variance for a metaphorical ledge that can support a narrative with two people who need talking down. The engineers go nuts.
This is as much a memoir as a canvas for her musings which she scatters throughout the narrative providing glimmers of wit and wisdom. I was swept away by the exceptional writing, her heartache and vulnerability on full display made me wince, her slightly twisted, but wickedly smart humor lightened the load.
The author took what was a dark time in her life and created a character who radiates positivity and dispenses bon mots. During Lent she gives her followers slightly absurd mindfulness sacrifice assignments and she hosts virtual dog and cat shows . It’s a wacky world she’s fashioned, but one in which she found comfort from the community she created and they, in turn, found a beacon of light in the often dark world of social media.
This is one of my favorite books this year, though I understand it won’t be for everyone. For me, this book is emblematic of what we’ve experienced since March, each of us finding our way through some dark days, looking for community while in isolation, finding the humor in the murky crevices.
Long live Duchess Goldblatt, long may she reign.
A few offbeat tweets I found delectable…
Writing isn’t hard. Worming my way into your heart one step at a time is hard. But it’s holy work, and I bought a boat with the overtime.
When I edit, I remove the words that don’t want to be there, hand wash them in warm water, lay them flat to dry. I might use them later.
Minor floods in Crooked Path tonight. Volunteers are redirecting storm flows with burlap bags, weighted with unfulfilled expectations.
Writers can be a lot of fun at parties, but word to the wise: Keep an eye on your good memories. They’ll strip them down for parts.
Try getting a variance for a metaphorical ledge that can support a narrative with two people who need talking down. The engineers go nuts.
July 31, 2020
Anonymous uses a quote from Bill Clegg in his Did You Ever Have A Family to paint a picture of her life. “She was...an untouchable. Not from scorn or fear, but from the obscenity of the loss.” In a matter of a few years, she lost her father, marriage, job, friends. She created the Duchess to have a way to communicate without revealing her real self. She uses the Duchess to create a community. “So, to me, it didn’t look like people were gathering around the Duchess; it looked to me like we had all wandered into the same neighborhood bar and were standing elbow to elbow.
Duchess is Anonymous’ father reborn. A religious man, he believed in finding the good in everyone. She displays a sweet humor, an uplifting positivity that he would be proud of. I admire Anonymous for rising above her challenges and channeling the good nature of her father. “Duchess, who saw the spark of the divine in each person. My heart was brittle and broken, but Duchess stepped forward and put words of kindness and beauty in my mouth.” It’s a very uplifting message. “I’ve built myself a civilization from the ashes.”
Now, the book is disjointed and not a typical memoir. It’s more a stream of consciousness rhapsody of thoughts. If DG speaks in 144 character tweets, this book takes the idea and expounds it. This probably works best if you’re already. DG fan. I “knew of her” but can’t describe myself as a fan. I went into this more out of curiosity.
My thanks to netgalley and Houghton Mifflin Harcourt for an advance copy of this book.
Duchess is Anonymous’ father reborn. A religious man, he believed in finding the good in everyone. She displays a sweet humor, an uplifting positivity that he would be proud of. I admire Anonymous for rising above her challenges and channeling the good nature of her father. “Duchess, who saw the spark of the divine in each person. My heart was brittle and broken, but Duchess stepped forward and put words of kindness and beauty in my mouth.” It’s a very uplifting message. “I’ve built myself a civilization from the ashes.”
Now, the book is disjointed and not a typical memoir. It’s more a stream of consciousness rhapsody of thoughts. If DG speaks in 144 character tweets, this book takes the idea and expounds it. This probably works best if you’re already. DG fan. I “knew of her” but can’t describe myself as a fan. I went into this more out of curiosity.
My thanks to netgalley and Houghton Mifflin Harcourt for an advance copy of this book.
August 16, 2020
This is really short but still feels stretched as hell. There just isn't 200 pages of material when all you're doing is flexing that Lyle Lovett likes your Twitter persona. I felt for the author in the beginning because it seemed like lots of people turned on her during her divorce; by the end I was kind of Team Everyone Else. She seemed to think it was somehow charming that she was thoughtful on Twitter but a shitty friend in real life. It wasn't. I only do one star review if something's really egregious but I hated this.
October 26, 2022
You know when someone does something really creative and you think, 'Wow! Why didn't I think of that?' And you're more than a little disappointed because now you can never, ever do it, even if you maybe would have thought of it on your own sometime in the future. It's already been done by another (more creative) person.
That's what I kept thinking while reading this memoir by the anonymous creator of Duchess Goldblatt, an 81 year old fictional character with a Twitter account, a sharp wit, and a heart of gold.
The closest I came was having my cat write some reviews on Amazon. This started when she coerced me into buying her a Kindle to watch cat videos all day (she's a couch potato). I couldn't find any reviews of what cats thought of Kindles and thought it would be fun for Chloe to provide feedback for any other feline who might be in the market for a tablet.
Amazon doesn't tell you when your reviews get a view or a like so there wasn't much fun in writing them. Also, knowing how keen they are on censorship, they probably removed Chloe's reviews anyway (Facebook is just as bad and removed her first account because they determined she lied about the school she went to. Of course she did, Facebook. She's a frickin' cat!!)
So anyway, Chloe wrote a few reviews for her Kindle and some other toys and food but that was as far as it went.
After reading this book, I realize I should have pushed her to open a Twitter account (though her tweets might not have been as fun as Duchess Goldblatt's). This is such an ingenious idea and if I was on Twitter I'd be following.
(I hate Twitter, and that's even before trump ruined it. It's so messy and confusing. Twice I opened an account and twice I deleted it after a couple days.)
So anyway..... I hadn't heard of Duchess Goldblatt until seeing the book. Perhaps if I had been following her all along I'd have liked the book more? I don't know but I doubt it because I cannot stand when people write memoirs just to moan and groan about how terrible their life is, how great their suffering, how hard it is to take a shit.
She seems to think everything bad that can happen to a person has happened to her, through no fault of her own, and she's just a victim in life with no one to count on. It pissed me off how she kept going on and on about none of her friends being there for her and at the same time writing about some of them as though they're great friends.
She says about Chuck: "Chuck is as loyal a friend as anyone could ask for". Ok, so what is it, Anonymous? You have no friends or you have at least one very, very good friend who you obviously don't appreciate because you like feeling sorry for yourself?
She admits she's a bad friend herself and yet still expects everyone else to pick up the phone, ask how she is, invite her out, etc. When she's invited for Thanksgiving dinner, she doesn't want to spend it with mere friends because she wants family to spend it with. She doesn't remember the name of her friend's dog or other important things like what they do for a living.
Tbh, I am a horrible friend. I don't call, I don't write, I don't text. I rarely want to get together with anyone. I could win an award for worst friend of the year if there is such a thing.
But you'll never hear me complaining about how no one calls. If anyone did, they'd be greeted by: [scream] "JENNA!", [polite and calm robotic voice] "is not available right now. Please leave....").
I will however, remember the name of your dog or cat or lizard. Human child? Probably not, but your furry baby I will remember and send birthday presents to.
Anyway.... back to the book.
The parts about Duchess Goldblatt were fun and I admire the author's ingenuity and also her ability to put together these absolutely perfect tweets. They're poetic and witty and smart.
For example:
"When I edit, I remove the words that don’t want to be there, hand wash them in warm water, and lay them flat to dry. I might use them later."
That is brilliant and I'm jealous I'm not the one to think of writing those words.
My other complaint about the book is that there is far too much about the author's infatuation with Lyle Lovett. I'm not sure which was the main purpose of the book: To gain pity or to publish a love letter to him. Seriously, Anonymous, you could have gotten a hotel room.
I only recommend this memoir if you're a fan of Duchess Goldblatt's. Otherwise you might be as irritated as I was. I'd give it one star but the bits about her Grace were priceless so I'm bumping it up to three.
That's what I kept thinking while reading this memoir by the anonymous creator of Duchess Goldblatt, an 81 year old fictional character with a Twitter account, a sharp wit, and a heart of gold.
The closest I came was having my cat write some reviews on Amazon. This started when she coerced me into buying her a Kindle to watch cat videos all day (she's a couch potato). I couldn't find any reviews of what cats thought of Kindles and thought it would be fun for Chloe to provide feedback for any other feline who might be in the market for a tablet.
Amazon doesn't tell you when your reviews get a view or a like so there wasn't much fun in writing them. Also, knowing how keen they are on censorship, they probably removed Chloe's reviews anyway (Facebook is just as bad and removed her first account because they determined she lied about the school she went to. Of course she did, Facebook. She's a frickin' cat!!)
So anyway, Chloe wrote a few reviews for her Kindle and some other toys and food but that was as far as it went.
After reading this book, I realize I should have pushed her to open a Twitter account (though her tweets might not have been as fun as Duchess Goldblatt's). This is such an ingenious idea and if I was on Twitter I'd be following.
(I hate Twitter, and that's even before trump ruined it. It's so messy and confusing. Twice I opened an account and twice I deleted it after a couple days.)
So anyway..... I hadn't heard of Duchess Goldblatt until seeing the book. Perhaps if I had been following her all along I'd have liked the book more? I don't know but I doubt it because I cannot stand when people write memoirs just to moan and groan about how terrible their life is, how great their suffering, how hard it is to take a shit.
She seems to think everything bad that can happen to a person has happened to her, through no fault of her own, and she's just a victim in life with no one to count on. It pissed me off how she kept going on and on about none of her friends being there for her and at the same time writing about some of them as though they're great friends.
She says about Chuck: "Chuck is as loyal a friend as anyone could ask for". Ok, so what is it, Anonymous? You have no friends or you have at least one very, very good friend who you obviously don't appreciate because you like feeling sorry for yourself?
She admits she's a bad friend herself and yet still expects everyone else to pick up the phone, ask how she is, invite her out, etc. When she's invited for Thanksgiving dinner, she doesn't want to spend it with mere friends because she wants family to spend it with. She doesn't remember the name of her friend's dog or other important things like what they do for a living.
Tbh, I am a horrible friend. I don't call, I don't write, I don't text. I rarely want to get together with anyone. I could win an award for worst friend of the year if there is such a thing.
But you'll never hear me complaining about how no one calls. If anyone did, they'd be greeted by: [scream] "JENNA!", [polite and calm robotic voice] "is not available right now. Please leave....").
I will however, remember the name of your dog or cat or lizard. Human child? Probably not, but your furry baby I will remember and send birthday presents to.
Anyway.... back to the book.
The parts about Duchess Goldblatt were fun and I admire the author's ingenuity and also her ability to put together these absolutely perfect tweets. They're poetic and witty and smart.
For example:
"When I edit, I remove the words that don’t want to be there, hand wash them in warm water, and lay them flat to dry. I might use them later."
That is brilliant and I'm jealous I'm not the one to think of writing those words.
My other complaint about the book is that there is far too much about the author's infatuation with Lyle Lovett. I'm not sure which was the main purpose of the book: To gain pity or to publish a love letter to him. Seriously, Anonymous, you could have gotten a hotel room.
I only recommend this memoir if you're a fan of Duchess Goldblatt's. Otherwise you might be as irritated as I was. I'd give it one star but the bits about her Grace were priceless so I'm bumping it up to three.
August 1, 2020
I read BECOMING DUCHESS GOLDBLATT in one sitting. This book will definitely be on my top 10 books of the year, and I think everyone should read it. It is a truly amazing book! When I first encountered this book, I was unfamiliar with Duchess Goldblatt on Twitter (I now follow her and love her account) and was very unsure what I would think about this book. A woman who has a fake persona called Duchess Goldblatt on Twitter now has a book?! Hmmm. Thankfully I put aside my misgivings and dove in. BECOMING DUCHESS GOLDBLATT tells the story of a lonely woman crippled by grief and how she created a fictional internet sensation who brings joy, laughter, and, most importantly a sense of community, to an often negative platform. She sprinkles her tweets throughout the book, often providing the backstory for a particular missive and the responses certain tweets received. Along the way, she befriends Lyle Lovett and numerous others and inspires groups to come together in her name and is there for who need a helping hand. At times heartbreaking, at times heartwarming, at times hilarious, this book will stay with me for a very long time; it is the perfect antidote for 2020 and all of its craziness.
For more reviews, check out my Instagram account: hhttps://www.instagram.com/thoughtsfro... and my newsletter: https://www.cfapage.net/subscribe.
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For more reviews, check out my Instagram account: hhttps://www.instagram.com/thoughtsfro... and my newsletter: https://www.cfapage.net/subscribe.
3 likes
August 20, 2020
Fresh off the presses and flitting about the lists, Becoming Duchess Goldblatt is the memoir of a woman who fashioned a fictional identity for herself, launched it on Twitter, and developed a large following - due primarily to this character's cleverness, her kindness, and her inclusive nature. Anonymous to this very day, her small book provides small clues to the who and why of it all for anyone who might be interested.
That's the way they're selling it. Careful readers, however, will be encountering a good deal more.
I had not heard of Duchess Goldblatt prior to the list-flitting. I was willing to be introduced, though, and began to absorb the meager bits and pieces her creator chose to afford me.
The woman behind this social media sensation had an extraordinarily difficult childhood. We are presented with quick flashes of a mother's hatred, a brutal brother's mental illness, a father's struggle with terminal disease. These are not adequately relayed or explored with any dedication whatsoever - thereby denying the reader any sort of emotional or intellectual connection.
Whatever this childhood was, she managed to survive it. She married and, at a late age, gave birth to a glorious child. Suddenly - and this obviously felt quite sudden to her - the husband requested a divorce on the grounds that she'd purchased a couch he wished she hadn't. Then she lost her job. Then she had to contend with sacrificing her darling child to the exigencies of joint custody. All her connections to extended family, friends and co-workers dissolved. This is important. These losses so traumatized her that she determined to avoid making any connection with anyone else for the reasonably foreseeable future. See where I'm going with this? Because the book's just that subtle.
The first hundred pages had me thinking I'd made a huge mistake with this memoir. I simply couldn't get a fix on this woman. I didn't like her much, didn't care about her choices or her struggles or where any of it might lead...until it dawned on me, midway through, that all of this was purposeful. Until it dawned on me that she'd created this complicated system of expressive defense that would serve to thrust people away; that would shove them off quite neatly and spare her the danger of bonding and the subsequent potential for abandonment. Until it occurred to me that Duchess Goldblatt, this supposedly fictional persona, was actually that aspect of herself she was attempting to negate; the part of herself that would care, that would risk, that would invest, that could love.
And that aspect was having none of it.
A fascinating psychological compromise, and a memoir that is not at all what one might imagine.
That's the way they're selling it. Careful readers, however, will be encountering a good deal more.
I had not heard of Duchess Goldblatt prior to the list-flitting. I was willing to be introduced, though, and began to absorb the meager bits and pieces her creator chose to afford me.
The woman behind this social media sensation had an extraordinarily difficult childhood. We are presented with quick flashes of a mother's hatred, a brutal brother's mental illness, a father's struggle with terminal disease. These are not adequately relayed or explored with any dedication whatsoever - thereby denying the reader any sort of emotional or intellectual connection.
Whatever this childhood was, she managed to survive it. She married and, at a late age, gave birth to a glorious child. Suddenly - and this obviously felt quite sudden to her - the husband requested a divorce on the grounds that she'd purchased a couch he wished she hadn't. Then she lost her job. Then she had to contend with sacrificing her darling child to the exigencies of joint custody. All her connections to extended family, friends and co-workers dissolved. This is important. These losses so traumatized her that she determined to avoid making any connection with anyone else for the reasonably foreseeable future. See where I'm going with this? Because the book's just that subtle.
The first hundred pages had me thinking I'd made a huge mistake with this memoir. I simply couldn't get a fix on this woman. I didn't like her much, didn't care about her choices or her struggles or where any of it might lead...until it dawned on me, midway through, that all of this was purposeful. Until it dawned on me that she'd created this complicated system of expressive defense that would serve to thrust people away; that would shove them off quite neatly and spare her the danger of bonding and the subsequent potential for abandonment. Until it occurred to me that Duchess Goldblatt, this supposedly fictional persona, was actually that aspect of herself she was attempting to negate; the part of herself that would care, that would risk, that would invest, that could love.
And that aspect was having none of it.
A fascinating psychological compromise, and a memoir that is not at all what one might imagine.
August 3, 2020
I have to admit that I downloaded this book from my library out of curiosity more than anything else. I do not have a Twitter account, nor do I want one, so I had no prior knowledge of this personna. I had seen reviews and mentions in the media, and it sounded interesting.
Interesting is an understatement. Duchess is an imaginary character, dreamed up by a woman who considered herself a failure at everything. Marriage, friendship, even relatives had deserted her. She had to share custody of her adored 4 year old son, and her childhood had been overshadowed by a brother with mental illness, and a mother who didn't like her. The creation of Duchess Goldblatt was an attempt by her to reconnect with people and make herself a better person. It was wildly successful, as she says in the last chapter: "I built a civilization from the ashes".
This is a dual biography of Duchess and the real woman behind her, although she remains anonymous. I'm not sure how, because apparently a lot of people know her identity, and she leaves enough clues lying around for anyone who cared enough to find it out.
Started out of curiosity, but interesting enough to finish, it also cues me in to a part of social media that I don't participate in. I'll raise this to 3 1/2 stars because she's smart, witty and funny. And now I know.
P.S. Anyone who is a fan of Lyle Lovett is going to love this book.
Interesting is an understatement. Duchess is an imaginary character, dreamed up by a woman who considered herself a failure at everything. Marriage, friendship, even relatives had deserted her. She had to share custody of her adored 4 year old son, and her childhood had been overshadowed by a brother with mental illness, and a mother who didn't like her. The creation of Duchess Goldblatt was an attempt by her to reconnect with people and make herself a better person. It was wildly successful, as she says in the last chapter: "I built a civilization from the ashes".
This is a dual biography of Duchess and the real woman behind her, although she remains anonymous. I'm not sure how, because apparently a lot of people know her identity, and she leaves enough clues lying around for anyone who cared enough to find it out.
Started out of curiosity, but interesting enough to finish, it also cues me in to a part of social media that I don't participate in. I'll raise this to 3 1/2 stars because she's smart, witty and funny. And now I know.
P.S. Anyone who is a fan of Lyle Lovett is going to love this book.
September 7, 2020
Engaging and imaginative, though something felt off to me. I tried for forgive the narrator for what seemed like intense self-absorption (she marvels at the fact that she can recall details about the lives of her online fans/subjects, but can’t recall the job of a real life friend or the name of the friend’s beloved dog) because she’s clearly suffered so much, but it grated on me. I also struggled to appreciate her knights-and-dragons view of life and some of the exchanges between her and her fans were cheesy and affected. A LOT of time was spent sharing examples of how important Duchess is to everyone in her Twitterverse. I waited for the narrator to grow more grounded, but growth seemed to be in the direction of more platitudes. Ultimately a bit too maudlin for my tastes.
September 17, 2020
Before I start slavering all over this book I feel the need to point out that this review doesn't do justice to or even really explain what this book is. Sometimes my reviews are like that. This is clearly a deeply personal book to the author so it feels right that my review is really just for her, whoever she may be.
Duchess Goldblatt, for those who don't know, is the Twitter alter ego of an anonymous woman who's been making people happy with her tweets for several years now. Duchess's entire reason for living seems to be to make people smile and giggle and feel like they matter. Here are a few of her latest just so you can get the feel for her:
Easy fall dinner ideas:
• A handful of chocolate chips
• Gin
• Wheat Thins and a good cry
Tonight while you’re sleeping, I will slip in and slightly mitigate some problems that are so insignificant they’ve escaped your notice.
Everything would have been worse without all of you, my imaginary friends. Tomorrow I’m putting you in new outfits.
Isn't she just...wonderful?
Your Grace,
Forgive me if I ramble, I've never written to royalty before. Reading your book reminded me how important it is to be aware of all the things I truly love in this world and one of them, I'm afraid, is the sound of my own voice.
Something I do not love is social media so I am afraid we have never had the pleasure of conversing directly (or indirectly even). I found you quite by random happenstance. So random in fact that I cannot recall where or when it even happened. Perhaps it was in the midst of mindlessly paging through the NY Times Book Review or somewhere in the endless hours I spend on the internet. But wherever or whenever it occurred I saw your name and your lovely soft face and thought "well there is someone worth knowing."
Yours is a pretty unique story after all. I mean people have certainly created alter egos before but there's something different about what you do. Because you created a fictional version of you so you could connect with other, real people. You got around that whole insecure feeling of not deserving friendship or connection by looking for it as someone else. You were honest about it, I mean I know you're not really a 16th century "Portrait of an Elderly Lady." I'd kind of like you to be and maybe somewhere in the back of my head I kind of hope you really do look like that but yes, in reality I know that you probably look kind of like everyone else. Like me maybe?
And you did it on Twitter? I mean you know its called the cesspool of the internet right? Yet you plunked yourself down and you did it.
I know you think the Duchess came from a selfish place, a desperate place. That it would be fun to send out witty little bon mots into the world and see if anyone would notice. But I wonder if you knew, or maybe just hoped a little that what did happen would happen. That those little bright bolts of sunshine would find their marks and make us all a little warmer in this chilly, black old world. That we'd start looking for, and finding the good stuff too.
I knew that even though I'm not on Twitter and never shall be and so will never be a part of your circle of fans or subjects, your book would be important to me.
You speak some truths in this book that people desperately need to hear. The irony being that they're pretty simple ones that we should already know. Wait is that irony? I never know. The point is they're easy to forget.
Here are some things you reminded me of/taught me just so you know I really read the book.
1.) People should be loved because they're people. Not because you or I decide they're worthy of it. Its a hard thing, it takes work, it can be a battle sometimes to find something to love in someone, but it can make such a difference when you do.
2.) There are good and beautiful things in the world always, no matter how bleak things look at first glance.
3.) You can do it. Doesn't matter who you are or what it is.
4.) Lyle Lovett is the greatest musician on the earth. (I will confess here that I have never heard a Lyle Lovett song but I intend to correct that posthaste).
There were other things, really profound ones some of them but I'm keeping a few just for myself. Also I hate when people spoil the books too much in these reviews. Also my memory is really bad right now so like I'm positive there were other things but I can't like call them to mind immediately. I'll probably remember an entire quote I want to share with everyone at like 2:45 in the morning.
Thank you for doing what you do. Regardless of the why you have clearly given a boat load of compassion and hope to so many people who desperately need it right now. I hope you know that even if her ladyship feels like someone else she is all you. Every part of her, every kind, clever word is you. Maybe its hard to reconcile because it still feels like you don't quite deserve all the love and good wishes and presents and praise that get heaped on the Duchess's (your) lap, I think that would be hard for anyone. But it is a truth you should remind yourself of.
Your book, like all truly good ones, changed me. It made me just a little bit more than I was before I read it. The book that you (not Duchess) wrote made me better. Its probably made a lot of people better.
The world needs the Duchess right now very badly. But it needs you too.
Remember that.
Respectfully,
a very loyal subject for life
Duchess Goldblatt, for those who don't know, is the Twitter alter ego of an anonymous woman who's been making people happy with her tweets for several years now. Duchess's entire reason for living seems to be to make people smile and giggle and feel like they matter. Here are a few of her latest just so you can get the feel for her:
Easy fall dinner ideas:
• A handful of chocolate chips
• Gin
• Wheat Thins and a good cry
Tonight while you’re sleeping, I will slip in and slightly mitigate some problems that are so insignificant they’ve escaped your notice.
Everything would have been worse without all of you, my imaginary friends. Tomorrow I’m putting you in new outfits.
Isn't she just...wonderful?
Your Grace,
Forgive me if I ramble, I've never written to royalty before. Reading your book reminded me how important it is to be aware of all the things I truly love in this world and one of them, I'm afraid, is the sound of my own voice.
Something I do not love is social media so I am afraid we have never had the pleasure of conversing directly (or indirectly even). I found you quite by random happenstance. So random in fact that I cannot recall where or when it even happened. Perhaps it was in the midst of mindlessly paging through the NY Times Book Review or somewhere in the endless hours I spend on the internet. But wherever or whenever it occurred I saw your name and your lovely soft face and thought "well there is someone worth knowing."
Yours is a pretty unique story after all. I mean people have certainly created alter egos before but there's something different about what you do. Because you created a fictional version of you so you could connect with other, real people. You got around that whole insecure feeling of not deserving friendship or connection by looking for it as someone else. You were honest about it, I mean I know you're not really a 16th century "Portrait of an Elderly Lady." I'd kind of like you to be and maybe somewhere in the back of my head I kind of hope you really do look like that but yes, in reality I know that you probably look kind of like everyone else. Like me maybe?
And you did it on Twitter? I mean you know its called the cesspool of the internet right? Yet you plunked yourself down and you did it.
I know you think the Duchess came from a selfish place, a desperate place. That it would be fun to send out witty little bon mots into the world and see if anyone would notice. But I wonder if you knew, or maybe just hoped a little that what did happen would happen. That those little bright bolts of sunshine would find their marks and make us all a little warmer in this chilly, black old world. That we'd start looking for, and finding the good stuff too.
I knew that even though I'm not on Twitter and never shall be and so will never be a part of your circle of fans or subjects, your book would be important to me.
You speak some truths in this book that people desperately need to hear. The irony being that they're pretty simple ones that we should already know. Wait is that irony? I never know. The point is they're easy to forget.
Here are some things you reminded me of/taught me just so you know I really read the book.
1.) People should be loved because they're people. Not because you or I decide they're worthy of it. Its a hard thing, it takes work, it can be a battle sometimes to find something to love in someone, but it can make such a difference when you do.
2.) There are good and beautiful things in the world always, no matter how bleak things look at first glance.
3.) You can do it. Doesn't matter who you are or what it is.
4.) Lyle Lovett is the greatest musician on the earth. (I will confess here that I have never heard a Lyle Lovett song but I intend to correct that posthaste).
There were other things, really profound ones some of them but I'm keeping a few just for myself. Also I hate when people spoil the books too much in these reviews. Also my memory is really bad right now so like I'm positive there were other things but I can't like call them to mind immediately. I'll probably remember an entire quote I want to share with everyone at like 2:45 in the morning.
Thank you for doing what you do. Regardless of the why you have clearly given a boat load of compassion and hope to so many people who desperately need it right now. I hope you know that even if her ladyship feels like someone else she is all you. Every part of her, every kind, clever word is you. Maybe its hard to reconcile because it still feels like you don't quite deserve all the love and good wishes and presents and praise that get heaped on the Duchess's (your) lap, I think that would be hard for anyone. But it is a truth you should remind yourself of.
Your book, like all truly good ones, changed me. It made me just a little bit more than I was before I read it. The book that you (not Duchess) wrote made me better. Its probably made a lot of people better.
The world needs the Duchess right now very badly. But it needs you too.
Remember that.
Respectfully,
a very loyal subject for life
June 30, 2020
One of the funniest writers working does most of her writing on Twitter these days. Smart. Charming. Whimsical. Duchess Goldblatt, famous for books such as Feasting on the Carcasses of My Enemies: A Love Story and An Axe to Grind, is the blip of optimism on twitter feeds needed and cherished by thousand of individuals all across the world every day. She’s also completely fictional … sort of. But there’s a very real voice behind the woman celebrated as Her Grace and she has a story all her own.
Memoirs that don’t reveal the names of their subjects are rare, but anyone looking for a definitive answer as to Duchess Goldblatt’s real identity might be disappointed. The anonymous author behind the Twitter character keeps her name thoroughly hidden, though she offers up deeply compelling reasons as to why. But to fixate on this one point would distract from possibly the best memoir of the year.
In fact, anonymity might be Becoming Duchess Goldblatt’s greatest asset. It’s possible the veneer of secrecy allows the author to tap into deeper areas of her life, from her divorce to her complicated family relationships. No topic seems off limits, both from her viewpoint and Duchess herself, including a refreshingly honest examination of mental health. The author, by remaining hidden, has provided a comprehensive, compelling narrative that otherwise might not have been possible. Even in lighter portions, some of her most interesting anecdotes—like her systems for receiving physical fan mail—stem from the lengths she takes to protect her anonymous persona.
Even for those who love the wit and wisdom of Her Grace, the enchanting qualities of her Twitter account—of all things—can be difficult to explain. But her memoir? Oh, that’s easy: perfection.
Note: I received a free ARC of this book from the publisher through NetGalley.
Review also posted at https://pluckedfromthestacks.wordpres...
Memoirs that don’t reveal the names of their subjects are rare, but anyone looking for a definitive answer as to Duchess Goldblatt’s real identity might be disappointed. The anonymous author behind the Twitter character keeps her name thoroughly hidden, though she offers up deeply compelling reasons as to why. But to fixate on this one point would distract from possibly the best memoir of the year.
In fact, anonymity might be Becoming Duchess Goldblatt’s greatest asset. It’s possible the veneer of secrecy allows the author to tap into deeper areas of her life, from her divorce to her complicated family relationships. No topic seems off limits, both from her viewpoint and Duchess herself, including a refreshingly honest examination of mental health. The author, by remaining hidden, has provided a comprehensive, compelling narrative that otherwise might not have been possible. Even in lighter portions, some of her most interesting anecdotes—like her systems for receiving physical fan mail—stem from the lengths she takes to protect her anonymous persona.
Even for those who love the wit and wisdom of Her Grace, the enchanting qualities of her Twitter account—of all things—can be difficult to explain. But her memoir? Oh, that’s easy: perfection.
Note: I received a free ARC of this book from the publisher through NetGalley.
Review also posted at https://pluckedfromthestacks.wordpres...
Read
February 2, 2023This is the Modern Mrs Darcy Book Club February 2023 selection.
When I had no idea what to listen to next, I popped over to our What Should I Read Next Patreon community and asked for recommendations... which led me to this book, which had been halfheartedly lingering on my TBR for a while. I had been under the mistaken impression it was a comedy work, but nope, that was completely wrong. I plunged in, as advised, knowing little but definitely intrigued by the inclusion of Lyle Lovett as a narrator. (All I will say is: he plays himself.) Forgive me if you already know this, but this is a memoir, written by an anonymous author, who explains how and why she came to operate the pseudonymous twitter account @DuchessGoldblat. I LOVED it.
When I had no idea what to listen to next, I popped over to our What Should I Read Next Patreon community and asked for recommendations... which led me to this book, which had been halfheartedly lingering on my TBR for a while. I had been under the mistaken impression it was a comedy work, but nope, that was completely wrong. I plunged in, as advised, knowing little but definitely intrigued by the inclusion of Lyle Lovett as a narrator. (All I will say is: he plays himself.) Forgive me if you already know this, but this is a memoir, written by an anonymous author, who explains how and why she came to operate the pseudonymous twitter account @DuchessGoldblat. I LOVED it.
July 8, 2020
First: Fair Warning: This review of BECOMING DUCHESS GOLBLATT is as much about me as it is about Her and Her memoir because that’s Her Grace’s gift: the ability to make Her disciples feel as if the bond between She and they is singular, that they are uniquely seen and loved.
Second: Full Disclosure: Thanks to Elizabeth McCracken, I’ve been following Her Grace, Duchess Goldblatt, on Twitter since early days, long before she had 37 thousand followers. I attended what I believe to have been the inaugural Duchess Goldblatt gathering, August 7, 2015, referred to in Her memoir as the DGDC held at the National Gallery in Washington, D.C.
My Twitter bio (where I am known as MiracleCharlie) reads as follows:
Spreader of Love & Light, Snuggly rascal, sweethearted tenderlove; proudly serving as Catechumen of Her Grace, Duchess Goldblatt.
The sobriquet “snuggly rascal, sweethearted tenderlove” was bestowed upon me by Her Grace, and not only am I a proud and unapologetic devotee, but in my effort to get close enough to touch Her (portrait) at the National Gallery, I was threatened with arrest. That’s love. (Not to worry, I charmed the guard and he ended up taking pictures with me. I fully attribute this to the magic-glow around Her Grace’s portrait, in the field of which nothing unhappy can happen.)
And I am not alone in my zealous attachment and fervent fealty. Duchess Goldblatt’s following is something of a cult, although She would never ask us to drink grape Flavor Aid, rather, it would be another grape entirely, a lovely Riesling, perhaps, and we would gladly do so.
And, that’s a lot. For Her. And her.
Because She, Duchess Goldblatt, 81 year old inspirational author of AN AXE TO GRIND; FEASTING ON THE CARCASSES OF MY ENEMIES: A LOVE STORY and the heartwarming meditation on mothers and daughters, NOT IF I KILL YOU FIRST; Mother of Hacienda, Her beloved daughter who is serving a life sentence for crimes against humanity, and Her Grace is the most famous resident of Crooked Path, and is royalty Whose name and pronouns I always capitalize — yes, She who is All That Is Good and Capitalized, is also she/her — a “carbon based life form” who invented the fiction of The Duchess when her in-real-life life was imploding; the marriage she thought healthy and secure had collapsed, her employer had been bought by a behemoth-corporation that was downsizing it into non-existence, she was going to lose the house she and her ex had purchased just before he announced he wanted a divorce, and she was going to be forced to share custody of the child with whom she shared a mind-meld of the kind some very lucky parents-children (twins, siblings, dearest friend/soul mates, Twitter-pals) experience.
From these lemons life had given her, she made a Dorothy Parker, which is lemon juice along with vodka, triple sec, black raspberry liqueur, and Brut Champagne served in a martini glass. And, too, it is a writer of great wit, pithy ripostes, and sparkling bon mots, all of which are sprinkled generously throughout the book — and a good thing it is, because the story about the small s she, the writer behind the fiction, and the angst and abuse she suffered, is difficult to bear.
But, bear it she did, and from it found a way to bring Light and Love and Joy to social media, a realm all too often cruel, barbed, attacking, and divisive. The Duchess Goldblatt persona is never unkind, and quite firm in her insistence that others refrain from unkindness as well — I was once scolded via subtweet for using a phrase she found offensive to those who were taking medications to help their sadness. As Her (and her) dear friend Lyle Lovett says, she has built a community “of kindness, acceptance, and friendship. The world would be a better place if we all became Duchess Goldblatt.”
My world is definitely better because of Her. I warned you this was going to be solipsistic and here goes: during the early years of my connection with Her Grace, I, too, had left a partnership, lost an income and house, and been cut off by many friends and family members, which didn’t so much surprise me (in most cases except for a very few very painful ones) as disappoint me. It has been noted on more than one occasion that I am a wildly over-sharing type, and when I was spending my first holidays alone, actually in a house absolutely without human contact, pretending it was precisely what I wanted, pretending the hermit, recluse part of me was just fine with no more family holiday, all the while I was reaching out like mad, keening in sorrow on Twitter, and the Duchess, privately, offered me comfort, solace, and a virtual shoulder on which to cry.
I am forever grateful. And I am not alone. She has been a source of comfort and inspiration for many, many Twitterarians. And not just in Her dealings with us, but, too, in the connections we have made because we follow Her.
Examples, just for me, I spent a birthday in Manhattan, a Broadway binge, and on my birthday night I was wined and dined at Joe Allen’s by five people I’d met through the Duchess and Twitter. And, later in the week, sat in house seats for a Patti LuPone concert because of another Twitter friend of Goldblatt. Also, same week, Broadway opening night and party because of Twitter/Goldblatt friends. Too, a day of touring the Metropolitan Museum and walking through Central Park with another Goldblattian. And, I was taken to lunch by another Goldblattian who’d first befriended me via private Twitter messaging during a Christmas week I was spending alone, after which she sent me a box full of the entire collection of Agatha Raisin mysteries, the author of which she was friends with, and from whom she later sent me a personal note thanking me for being a reader. And, too, I’m devoted to and adore another Goldblattian in closer driving distance who has come here to my hometown and hung out with me at my local indie bookstore, and shared with me her social anxiety and depression experiences, and listened to mine.
Those are just some of the examples of Love and Light and Joy brought into my life because of my connection to Duchess Goldblatt.
Here’s another; I was heading toward a very unhappy Christmas holiday about which I had talked on Twitter, and many, MANY of the Duchess Family sent to me cards and gifts and love, all signing as Secret Santa. It saved me. That wouldn’t have happened if the Duchess didn’t exist.
And, I have a GORGEOUS work of photographic art on my wall, made by a hugely talented artist who is a Goldblattian and got together with a few others to gift me.
And, this: I have a dear friend, A, who has always loved Lyle Lovett. She has seen him in concert many, many times, most often with her husband, who died years ago, before she and I became close friends. The love story of she and her husband was beautiful, the kind of love you read about or see in musicals but don’t believe can exist in real life, it does, it did for them and their connection lives on even now. For them, Lyle Lovett concerts in the summer near her husband’s birthday were an annual event. I mentioned to her that Duchess Goldblatt was close to Lyle Lovett, and that he had followed me on Twitter, being a part of the Goldblatt community. She was TERRIBLY impressed (and a little envious, but she’s not the kind of person who operates from jealousy) and so, since she and Her Grace were such huge fans, and since Lyle Lovett was going to be in concert nearby on the date of her husband’s birthday, I suggested we go.
Long/short: when Lyle Lovett found out we were coming, and knowing the connection between the Duchess and myself, he extended an invitation. We took along my portable Duchess, and after the show we three went to the assigned location with our backstage passes and met Lyle Lovett. We got at the end of the line, because A and I are both the kind of people who say to everyone, “Go ahead, we’re in no hurry.” And we got to spend a delightful time with Lyle Lovett, who is every bit as kind, loving, open, friendly, sincere, and shining as you’d imagine and hope he’d be; honestly one of the nicest people I have ever met. And though I kept saying we ought to leave, feeling I was over-imposing on his time and energy after he’d already given us such a wonderful concert, he was endlessly kind and patient, and talked to us for quite a while.
So long a while, in fact, that when we found our way out of the underground tunnels to the theatre exit, ALL OF THE LIGHTS in the outdoor concert/park venue had been turned off and there was NO ONE ELSE left in the park/venue. Understand, neither A nor I have the SLIGHTEST bit of sense of direction, and so, finding our way to the parking lot was challenge number one. And there were multiple lots. When FINALLY we found the car — which you think would have been easier since it was THE ONLY CAR LEFT IN ANY OF THE LOTS, we found, as we tried to drive away, that most of the exits had been closed off, barred.
Somehow, being held a little longer captive in the magic of the evening, made it even better.
None of those wonderful events, including me being able to give A the visit with her long-loved Lyle, would have happened had the Duchess not been created by the carbon-based-life-form who took all the kicks while she was down and made them into a full-fledged production number featuring the Solid-Goldblatt-Back-up-Dancers.
She’s a gift. She’s an example. She is the beating heart and shining soul of the best of who we all could be, want to be, try to be. We join around Her. And She loves us in return with such vigor. Another example, yesterday, the release of Her memoir, and She messaged me. Why? Because She knew the similarities in our sorrows, and my devotion to and worry about Her (and, too, the her behind the Her) would make reading about the dirty deeds done to her and the tears she shed and the hurt she lived through on the way to becoming Her, would make ME sad. And she said, “I knew I’d make you cry and I hated to do it.”
That’s who S/she is. On H/her big day, S/she reached out to me, worried about my heart. And it is H/her heart about which I worry. As I said about a million words ago, being Duchess Goldblatt is A LOT. We lean on her. We ask for love. We are needy and wanting. And S/she has a heart as huge as all the Light there is in the world; I worry H/her soul is not being held and fed and nourished and seen, SEEN, in the way she sees all of us.
I was once approached by a reporter trying to find out who was behind the fictional Duchess, asking me the identity of the writer. Number one: I don’t KNOW the name or location or anything else about the identity of the writer. Number two: if I did, I would never, ever tell anyone, let alone a reporter.
Friends and family have asked me, “What is this whole Duchess Goldblatt thing?” I’ll tell you, as briefly and succinctly as I can, though this is already 2000 words long and doesn’t begin to communicate the magic of Her Grace or Her memoir. Here goes.
As a child, I didn’t really fit into the world. Other children either didn’t like me or knew to do so would be ruinous to their own social standing. I lived in my own world, there I was content with books and musicals and imaginings, and I was held very close by my aunt, Sissie. She gave me books, Broadway, and a never wavering, from the soul/heart belief that I was perfect in every way. She saw the Charlie I wanted to be. (Well, most days I wanted to be him.) So, no matter the cruelties and name-calling and bullying and violence and loneliness I suffered through, Sissie was an oasis of joy, in her eyes I could believe there was a chance for me to be happy, that I was, indeed, able to be loved. And worthy of it.
And, as I said in a post after the DGDC trip:
I honestly thought a few years ago, when I had to change my life to save my life and lost so much, so many, and worse, discovered that I had never really had some of who and what it was I thought I lost (again, longer discussion, but not one I’m ever having in public), I believed that for me there would never again be friends, or love, or trust, or joy. I thought my life was a matter of waiting for it to stop.
Part of what made me realize that was not the case, that there was more for me than waiting for life to end, was the introduction into my life of Duchess Goldblatt, and the community she has made. S/she and that community stepped in where Sissie’s death had left a void for me, the Duchess and her followers see the best in me, the Best Charlie. How great a gift is that?
And so now, I live more by something she said to me in 2016 (and I trust She will be okay with me quoting Her, since I make a cameo in Her pages — by which I am honored beyond measure), and here were the Duchess’s words to me, then:
“When we count our losses, we turn the balance sheet over to see what’s been gained, you and I.”
Again, I have spent 2500 words to try to explain what the Duchess brings to the world, to me, and that’s it. She, as always, says it better and faster, but no matter the losses in this life, there is always something to be gained.
I love Her. And her.
Second: Full Disclosure: Thanks to Elizabeth McCracken, I’ve been following Her Grace, Duchess Goldblatt, on Twitter since early days, long before she had 37 thousand followers. I attended what I believe to have been the inaugural Duchess Goldblatt gathering, August 7, 2015, referred to in Her memoir as the DGDC held at the National Gallery in Washington, D.C.
My Twitter bio (where I am known as MiracleCharlie) reads as follows:
Spreader of Love & Light, Snuggly rascal, sweethearted tenderlove; proudly serving as Catechumen of Her Grace, Duchess Goldblatt.
The sobriquet “snuggly rascal, sweethearted tenderlove” was bestowed upon me by Her Grace, and not only am I a proud and unapologetic devotee, but in my effort to get close enough to touch Her (portrait) at the National Gallery, I was threatened with arrest. That’s love. (Not to worry, I charmed the guard and he ended up taking pictures with me. I fully attribute this to the magic-glow around Her Grace’s portrait, in the field of which nothing unhappy can happen.)
And I am not alone in my zealous attachment and fervent fealty. Duchess Goldblatt’s following is something of a cult, although She would never ask us to drink grape Flavor Aid, rather, it would be another grape entirely, a lovely Riesling, perhaps, and we would gladly do so.
And, that’s a lot. For Her. And her.
Because She, Duchess Goldblatt, 81 year old inspirational author of AN AXE TO GRIND; FEASTING ON THE CARCASSES OF MY ENEMIES: A LOVE STORY and the heartwarming meditation on mothers and daughters, NOT IF I KILL YOU FIRST; Mother of Hacienda, Her beloved daughter who is serving a life sentence for crimes against humanity, and Her Grace is the most famous resident of Crooked Path, and is royalty Whose name and pronouns I always capitalize — yes, She who is All That Is Good and Capitalized, is also she/her — a “carbon based life form” who invented the fiction of The Duchess when her in-real-life life was imploding; the marriage she thought healthy and secure had collapsed, her employer had been bought by a behemoth-corporation that was downsizing it into non-existence, she was going to lose the house she and her ex had purchased just before he announced he wanted a divorce, and she was going to be forced to share custody of the child with whom she shared a mind-meld of the kind some very lucky parents-children (twins, siblings, dearest friend/soul mates, Twitter-pals) experience.
From these lemons life had given her, she made a Dorothy Parker, which is lemon juice along with vodka, triple sec, black raspberry liqueur, and Brut Champagne served in a martini glass. And, too, it is a writer of great wit, pithy ripostes, and sparkling bon mots, all of which are sprinkled generously throughout the book — and a good thing it is, because the story about the small s she, the writer behind the fiction, and the angst and abuse she suffered, is difficult to bear.
But, bear it she did, and from it found a way to bring Light and Love and Joy to social media, a realm all too often cruel, barbed, attacking, and divisive. The Duchess Goldblatt persona is never unkind, and quite firm in her insistence that others refrain from unkindness as well — I was once scolded via subtweet for using a phrase she found offensive to those who were taking medications to help their sadness. As Her (and her) dear friend Lyle Lovett says, she has built a community “of kindness, acceptance, and friendship. The world would be a better place if we all became Duchess Goldblatt.”
My world is definitely better because of Her. I warned you this was going to be solipsistic and here goes: during the early years of my connection with Her Grace, I, too, had left a partnership, lost an income and house, and been cut off by many friends and family members, which didn’t so much surprise me (in most cases except for a very few very painful ones) as disappoint me. It has been noted on more than one occasion that I am a wildly over-sharing type, and when I was spending my first holidays alone, actually in a house absolutely without human contact, pretending it was precisely what I wanted, pretending the hermit, recluse part of me was just fine with no more family holiday, all the while I was reaching out like mad, keening in sorrow on Twitter, and the Duchess, privately, offered me comfort, solace, and a virtual shoulder on which to cry.
I am forever grateful. And I am not alone. She has been a source of comfort and inspiration for many, many Twitterarians. And not just in Her dealings with us, but, too, in the connections we have made because we follow Her.
Examples, just for me, I spent a birthday in Manhattan, a Broadway binge, and on my birthday night I was wined and dined at Joe Allen’s by five people I’d met through the Duchess and Twitter. And, later in the week, sat in house seats for a Patti LuPone concert because of another Twitter friend of Goldblatt. Also, same week, Broadway opening night and party because of Twitter/Goldblatt friends. Too, a day of touring the Metropolitan Museum and walking through Central Park with another Goldblattian. And, I was taken to lunch by another Goldblattian who’d first befriended me via private Twitter messaging during a Christmas week I was spending alone, after which she sent me a box full of the entire collection of Agatha Raisin mysteries, the author of which she was friends with, and from whom she later sent me a personal note thanking me for being a reader. And, too, I’m devoted to and adore another Goldblattian in closer driving distance who has come here to my hometown and hung out with me at my local indie bookstore, and shared with me her social anxiety and depression experiences, and listened to mine.
Those are just some of the examples of Love and Light and Joy brought into my life because of my connection to Duchess Goldblatt.
Here’s another; I was heading toward a very unhappy Christmas holiday about which I had talked on Twitter, and many, MANY of the Duchess Family sent to me cards and gifts and love, all signing as Secret Santa. It saved me. That wouldn’t have happened if the Duchess didn’t exist.
And, I have a GORGEOUS work of photographic art on my wall, made by a hugely talented artist who is a Goldblattian and got together with a few others to gift me.
And, this: I have a dear friend, A, who has always loved Lyle Lovett. She has seen him in concert many, many times, most often with her husband, who died years ago, before she and I became close friends. The love story of she and her husband was beautiful, the kind of love you read about or see in musicals but don’t believe can exist in real life, it does, it did for them and their connection lives on even now. For them, Lyle Lovett concerts in the summer near her husband’s birthday were an annual event. I mentioned to her that Duchess Goldblatt was close to Lyle Lovett, and that he had followed me on Twitter, being a part of the Goldblatt community. She was TERRIBLY impressed (and a little envious, but she’s not the kind of person who operates from jealousy) and so, since she and Her Grace were such huge fans, and since Lyle Lovett was going to be in concert nearby on the date of her husband’s birthday, I suggested we go.
Long/short: when Lyle Lovett found out we were coming, and knowing the connection between the Duchess and myself, he extended an invitation. We took along my portable Duchess, and after the show we three went to the assigned location with our backstage passes and met Lyle Lovett. We got at the end of the line, because A and I are both the kind of people who say to everyone, “Go ahead, we’re in no hurry.” And we got to spend a delightful time with Lyle Lovett, who is every bit as kind, loving, open, friendly, sincere, and shining as you’d imagine and hope he’d be; honestly one of the nicest people I have ever met. And though I kept saying we ought to leave, feeling I was over-imposing on his time and energy after he’d already given us such a wonderful concert, he was endlessly kind and patient, and talked to us for quite a while.
So long a while, in fact, that when we found our way out of the underground tunnels to the theatre exit, ALL OF THE LIGHTS in the outdoor concert/park venue had been turned off and there was NO ONE ELSE left in the park/venue. Understand, neither A nor I have the SLIGHTEST bit of sense of direction, and so, finding our way to the parking lot was challenge number one. And there were multiple lots. When FINALLY we found the car — which you think would have been easier since it was THE ONLY CAR LEFT IN ANY OF THE LOTS, we found, as we tried to drive away, that most of the exits had been closed off, barred.
Somehow, being held a little longer captive in the magic of the evening, made it even better.
None of those wonderful events, including me being able to give A the visit with her long-loved Lyle, would have happened had the Duchess not been created by the carbon-based-life-form who took all the kicks while she was down and made them into a full-fledged production number featuring the Solid-Goldblatt-Back-up-Dancers.
She’s a gift. She’s an example. She is the beating heart and shining soul of the best of who we all could be, want to be, try to be. We join around Her. And She loves us in return with such vigor. Another example, yesterday, the release of Her memoir, and She messaged me. Why? Because She knew the similarities in our sorrows, and my devotion to and worry about Her (and, too, the her behind the Her) would make reading about the dirty deeds done to her and the tears she shed and the hurt she lived through on the way to becoming Her, would make ME sad. And she said, “I knew I’d make you cry and I hated to do it.”
That’s who S/she is. On H/her big day, S/she reached out to me, worried about my heart. And it is H/her heart about which I worry. As I said about a million words ago, being Duchess Goldblatt is A LOT. We lean on her. We ask for love. We are needy and wanting. And S/she has a heart as huge as all the Light there is in the world; I worry H/her soul is not being held and fed and nourished and seen, SEEN, in the way she sees all of us.
I was once approached by a reporter trying to find out who was behind the fictional Duchess, asking me the identity of the writer. Number one: I don’t KNOW the name or location or anything else about the identity of the writer. Number two: if I did, I would never, ever tell anyone, let alone a reporter.
Friends and family have asked me, “What is this whole Duchess Goldblatt thing?” I’ll tell you, as briefly and succinctly as I can, though this is already 2000 words long and doesn’t begin to communicate the magic of Her Grace or Her memoir. Here goes.
As a child, I didn’t really fit into the world. Other children either didn’t like me or knew to do so would be ruinous to their own social standing. I lived in my own world, there I was content with books and musicals and imaginings, and I was held very close by my aunt, Sissie. She gave me books, Broadway, and a never wavering, from the soul/heart belief that I was perfect in every way. She saw the Charlie I wanted to be. (Well, most days I wanted to be him.) So, no matter the cruelties and name-calling and bullying and violence and loneliness I suffered through, Sissie was an oasis of joy, in her eyes I could believe there was a chance for me to be happy, that I was, indeed, able to be loved. And worthy of it.
And, as I said in a post after the DGDC trip:
I honestly thought a few years ago, when I had to change my life to save my life and lost so much, so many, and worse, discovered that I had never really had some of who and what it was I thought I lost (again, longer discussion, but not one I’m ever having in public), I believed that for me there would never again be friends, or love, or trust, or joy. I thought my life was a matter of waiting for it to stop.
Part of what made me realize that was not the case, that there was more for me than waiting for life to end, was the introduction into my life of Duchess Goldblatt, and the community she has made. S/she and that community stepped in where Sissie’s death had left a void for me, the Duchess and her followers see the best in me, the Best Charlie. How great a gift is that?
And so now, I live more by something she said to me in 2016 (and I trust She will be okay with me quoting Her, since I make a cameo in Her pages — by which I am honored beyond measure), and here were the Duchess’s words to me, then:
“When we count our losses, we turn the balance sheet over to see what’s been gained, you and I.”
Again, I have spent 2500 words to try to explain what the Duchess brings to the world, to me, and that’s it. She, as always, says it better and faster, but no matter the losses in this life, there is always something to be gained.
I love Her. And her.
August 2, 2020
Made it to the end of the audiobook - still waiting for the point.
December 15, 2020
I love Duchess Goldblatt. I am far less enamored of her non-fictional alter ego. I expected this memoir to be more Goldblattian in execution, which may not have been fair to the author. Instead, we get fairly shallow glimpses of the author's troubled childhood and later marital problems. The author's divorce and subsequent issues with friends and work are presented as things that just happened to her, which she bears no responsibility for. Maybe that truly is the case, but there's no sense that she's given any thought to it beyond "poor me". She apparently has the most precocious "old soul" child who is prone to making pronouncements (at the age of 4) such as "If I look inside myself, I can see my soul. It's a never-ending spark" and "As long as we tell the truth of our hearts, even when you're in heaven, we'll talk". But mostly what we get is Lyle Lovett love. A lot of Lyle Lovett love. Reading about other people's obsession is rarely engaging, so if you don't share the LL love you may want to stick with Duchess's Twitter feed.
December 19, 2020
Dec 18, 230pm ~~ Loved this book!! Back this evening with some sort of actual review.
930pm ~~ I want to thank my GR friend Sara for her lovely review of this book. I happened to see hers before anyone else's, and it made me want to do something I don't do very often, which is read a currently published title. I am usually a Forgotten Treasure kind of reader. But every so often a new book comes along that appeals to me, so here we are.
At first I was skeptical, even remembering Sara's review. I felt that Anonymous was merely trading one pretend life for another. The difference was she did not realize that her real life was pretend. She only discovered that when her husband left her and a series of messy custody battles began over their son. In her despair over her life and her self image, she created the Duchess, a woman who represented everything Anonymous thought she herself was not.
There is something else I do not do, and that is Twitter or any of the social media sites. So I had never heard about Duchess Goldblatt, but it seems plenty of other people have. And really, she is a treasure. Which means, of course, that Anonymous is a treasure, as she discovers for herself as the book progresses. We learn not only about how she created the Duchess, we learn about her own life and how her mind works. Whoever she is, she is truly awesome and I will be reading this book many more times just to be able to be around both ladies a little longer.
This is a feel good book at a time when we all need one. Not just in the collective trauma we are experiencing, but in our personal lives as well, perhaps. At times it is easy to forget certain truths, but the Duchess helps us remember. There is still good in the world. There is still love out there too. We just have to trust ourselves not only to find it but to create it.
I'm sure everyone who reads this book will have their favorite Duchess quote. Here are a couple of mine:
I am sunlight. I walk in beauty. Where there is Duchess Goldblatt, there are no shadows, nor any darkness, nor sorrow anymore.
Gather all the icicles you can carry and bring them inside. Nurse them back to health in the kitchen sink. Cheer for them when they move on.
The end of this awful year was the perfect time to read this big little book. It helped me remember that no matter what happens in this bizarre old world of ours, we can deal with it. Nothing that happens would happen otherwise. Whether it is the dark of night or the dark of 2020, we are all stronger than we think we are.
And everything will be okay. No matter which way our lives turn out, everything will be okay.
Thanks for the reminder, your grace.
930pm ~~ I want to thank my GR friend Sara for her lovely review of this book. I happened to see hers before anyone else's, and it made me want to do something I don't do very often, which is read a currently published title. I am usually a Forgotten Treasure kind of reader. But every so often a new book comes along that appeals to me, so here we are.
At first I was skeptical, even remembering Sara's review. I felt that Anonymous was merely trading one pretend life for another. The difference was she did not realize that her real life was pretend. She only discovered that when her husband left her and a series of messy custody battles began over their son. In her despair over her life and her self image, she created the Duchess, a woman who represented everything Anonymous thought she herself was not.
There is something else I do not do, and that is Twitter or any of the social media sites. So I had never heard about Duchess Goldblatt, but it seems plenty of other people have. And really, she is a treasure. Which means, of course, that Anonymous is a treasure, as she discovers for herself as the book progresses. We learn not only about how she created the Duchess, we learn about her own life and how her mind works. Whoever she is, she is truly awesome and I will be reading this book many more times just to be able to be around both ladies a little longer.
This is a feel good book at a time when we all need one. Not just in the collective trauma we are experiencing, but in our personal lives as well, perhaps. At times it is easy to forget certain truths, but the Duchess helps us remember. There is still good in the world. There is still love out there too. We just have to trust ourselves not only to find it but to create it.
I'm sure everyone who reads this book will have their favorite Duchess quote. Here are a couple of mine:
I am sunlight. I walk in beauty. Where there is Duchess Goldblatt, there are no shadows, nor any darkness, nor sorrow anymore.
Gather all the icicles you can carry and bring them inside. Nurse them back to health in the kitchen sink. Cheer for them when they move on.
The end of this awful year was the perfect time to read this big little book. It helped me remember that no matter what happens in this bizarre old world of ours, we can deal with it. Nothing that happens would happen otherwise. Whether it is the dark of night or the dark of 2020, we are all stronger than we think we are.
And everything will be okay. No matter which way our lives turn out, everything will be okay.
Thanks for the reminder, your grace.
March 30, 2020
To say this is a memoir is not doing it justice. Most readers know by now that Duchess Goldblatt is a pseudonym for a female author who has over 20,000 Twitter followers. Why Twitter? Why the name Duchess Goldblatt? Because she can. She's the Duchess. Seriously though, a few years ago the Duchess hit a rough patch in her personal life and found herself without her safety net of friends, family and coworkers. Sending tweets became her way of connecting with others using the persona of the dignified, ever-loving (evergreen love) Duchess. This is a book that will make you laugh, and nod as you relate to the trials of life that she goes thru. But make no mistake. The Duchess is like us, but she's not. The same, only different.
Some will ask don't you want to know who the Duchess really is in real life? Well, I'm a librarian and I could do the work to discover (most likely) her name. I won't. It would spoil the mystery of the Duchess. And can we talk about Lyle Lovett?
* I read an advance copy and was not compensated.
Some will ask don't you want to know who the Duchess really is in real life? Well, I'm a librarian and I could do the work to discover (most likely) her name. I won't. It would spoil the mystery of the Duchess. And can we talk about Lyle Lovett?
* I read an advance copy and was not compensated.
September 2, 2021
As with all philosophies of betterment, Duchess Goldblatt espouses forgiveness and kindness but with a little Lyle Lovett sprinkled in. What a genius you are, your Grace, (but you already know that) to spread the good word through “kind humor ….a clever play in words”. It almost made me reopen my Twitter account. Almost.
Long live Duchess Goldblatt!
Long live Duchess Goldblatt!
November 21, 2020
This should have been an DNF. I have too much optimism that a book will get better. Terrible writing, crappy telling. The content was annoying. This person spent more than half the book talking about their love of a country star, and then became friends w the country star and included the transcripts of their correspondence and conversations. A painful read that unfortunately negatively impacted my love of Duchess Goldblatt, who I wish this book was about.
January 26, 2021
Self indulgent! It was a love letter to herself.
I am flabbergasted by the glowing reviews. She sounds like a truly awful friend and completely conceited. It was supremely boring! Imagine writing a book detailing all the times people called you Jesus??
I am flabbergasted by the glowing reviews. She sounds like a truly awful friend and completely conceited. It was supremely boring! Imagine writing a book detailing all the times people called you Jesus??
October 7, 2022
I loved this inspiring, creative, and funny memoir of a real life fictional character. I highlighted and copied so much that made me laugh or captured issues from my life but with much better writing and clarity. As I approached the end, I read slowly, not wanting it to end. I said to my son, " What could I possibly read after that?" I immediately turned to page one and read it again. I follow Duchess Goldblatt on Twitter and she is like sunshine, buoying my spirits and inspiring me in so many ways.
Read
March 11, 2024I adored this book. It's touching, hilarious, entertaining, incredible. The Duchess was and is, for me, the antidote for the stressful times in which we live. I have nothing but good things to say about her memoir. Read it and see why she's so special.
July 18, 2020
How to negotiate the craziness of today. Duchess Goldblatt and her philosophy is the pitch perfect antidote to a world seemingly gone mad. Finding it hard to pick up any fiction today that doesn't involve missing children, twisted identities, gruesomely disposed of bodies (ok, so I am a sucker for a good thriller), I needed something entirely different and thusly was introduced to the twitter sensation that believes humor should not be mean or hurtful, but uplifting and life affirming. There are some current cultural references that made me actually laugh out loud, but the overall tone is one of cool hands on a brow.
Entwined with Duchess's bon mots and relationships such as they are is the backstory of her creator, a writer of some accomplishment, who remains ANONYMOUS. Only a churl would attempt to look behind the curtain, as she is generous with personal information up to a point, and that alone is enough. Faced with hurt, disappointment, in one case, inhuman degradation, she turns to her own creation and finds acceptance and success and friendship with multitudes, several well known. Long live Duchess Goldblatt. You've gained yet another follower.
Entwined with Duchess's bon mots and relationships such as they are is the backstory of her creator, a writer of some accomplishment, who remains ANONYMOUS. Only a churl would attempt to look behind the curtain, as she is generous with personal information up to a point, and that alone is enough. Faced with hurt, disappointment, in one case, inhuman degradation, she turns to her own creation and finds acceptance and success and friendship with multitudes, several well known. Long live Duchess Goldblatt. You've gained yet another follower.
December 23, 2019
Slyly profound and wholly wonderful. There is light and love on every page...and Lyle Lovett. What more does one need in a memoir?
September 30, 2020
I am only a casual follower of her grace, Duchess Goldblatt, but I wanted to read what was behind her always delightful tweets. I had no idea, none of us did (except Lyle Lovett, apparently), that the anonymous "scribe" was not some joyful yet sly character, but a single mother with a broken heart and a broken life.
I want to know who Anonymous is, so that I can find her ex-husband and punch him right in the balls.
And I came to understand why she guards Duchess so closely, and why she herself is the way she is. All her life she has been surrounded by takers. She's walked on eggshells around family members, given her time, her intelligence, her energy to spiritual vampires. Her mother and brother were both addicts and mentally ill. Her father, while wonderful, still thought it was HER job to give her life caring for them the way he did. All of her friendships were the same way. The details are vague, but I'm willing to bet she was the listener, the cheerleader, and when she reached out for help, they dropped her because that wasn't what they wanted. She is afraid of telling people how full of sorrow and despair she is, because "nobody wants to hear about that." But she's been hearing about it all her life from other people, she's put up with it, and if they can't deal with listening to her for once, then screw 'em!
She doesn't go into her marriage or talk about her ex-husband's personality, but I'm willing to bet he was exactly the same. He used her up and spit her out, and is absolutely jealous of her closeness to their son, and using that to hurt her.
Again: I want to punch him right in the balls.
She says throughout that she doesn't know where Duchess comes from, how she gets her little ideas. But I do. It's her, Anonymous, it's all her. But it's the part of her deep inside that she's never shown to anyone else. It's the part she guarded so that it couldn't be ridiculed or spat upon or used and abused. Witness that the friends she has made via Duchess, like Lyle Lovett (I never had an opinion about him before, but now I adore him, because he is so utterly charming to her), like Benjamin Dreyer, like PJ. These are good people. Intelligent. Compassionate. And it's clear that they love her, though she acts like she doesn't know why, or claims they truly only love "Duchess."
No, my dear, they love YOU. You are amazing! And worthy of love!
I want to know who Anonymous is, so that I can find her ex-husband and punch him right in the balls.
And I came to understand why she guards Duchess so closely, and why she herself is the way she is. All her life she has been surrounded by takers. She's walked on eggshells around family members, given her time, her intelligence, her energy to spiritual vampires. Her mother and brother were both addicts and mentally ill. Her father, while wonderful, still thought it was HER job to give her life caring for them the way he did. All of her friendships were the same way. The details are vague, but I'm willing to bet she was the listener, the cheerleader, and when she reached out for help, they dropped her because that wasn't what they wanted. She is afraid of telling people how full of sorrow and despair she is, because "nobody wants to hear about that." But she's been hearing about it all her life from other people, she's put up with it, and if they can't deal with listening to her for once, then screw 'em!
She doesn't go into her marriage or talk about her ex-husband's personality, but I'm willing to bet he was exactly the same. He used her up and spit her out, and is absolutely jealous of her closeness to their son, and using that to hurt her.
Again: I want to punch him right in the balls.
She says throughout that she doesn't know where Duchess comes from, how she gets her little ideas. But I do. It's her, Anonymous, it's all her. But it's the part of her deep inside that she's never shown to anyone else. It's the part she guarded so that it couldn't be ridiculed or spat upon or used and abused. Witness that the friends she has made via Duchess, like Lyle Lovett (I never had an opinion about him before, but now I adore him, because he is so utterly charming to her), like Benjamin Dreyer, like PJ. These are good people. Intelligent. Compassionate. And it's clear that they love her, though she acts like she doesn't know why, or claims they truly only love "Duchess."
No, my dear, they love YOU. You are amazing! And worthy of love!
September 10, 2020
Perhaps it is because I had never heard of Duchess Goldblatt before reading this for my book club, but this book definitely fell flat for me. While the author is clearly well read and an interesting writer, I found her regular prose interspersed with Twitter, text, and email conversations to be meandering and disorganized. She even comments in the last chapter about how people are receiving her book - as part of the book! Despite the attempt to show how creating this alter ego allowed her to pull herself through hard times in her life, I found her litany of troubles and how she handled them a bit grating and self-absorbed despite her alter ego, the Duchess’s persona of helping and supporting others. We’ve all had troubles in our lives but didn’t create online characters and trot out their wisdom to pat ourselves on the back for how kind we are to anonymous others even when we are being treated cruelly. The whole Lyle Lovett relationship just seemed a bit strange and stagestruck to me. So, I found the story basically self-absorbed, self-promoting, and self-pitying. And since this memoir is anonymous, it’s not even clear if the back story is any more real than the online Twitter character she has created.
July 4, 2021
I’m just going to throw some of my favorite bits out here, in no particular order.
I don’t mind an unreliable narrator, as long as she’s punctual.
*
Close your eyes and visualize the best possible outcome. When it’s not looking, grasp it by the neck and fling it into reality.
*
Gather all the icicles you can carry and bring them inside. Nurse them back to health in the kitchen sink. Cheer for them when they move on.
*
If he’s not texting you back, it’s only because he’s lying, sobbing, in a nest he made from his mother’s old bathrobes and cardigans.
*
I will die as I lived: laughing at my own jokes and if I had to guess, choking on a swizzle stick.
~*~
I don’t mind an unreliable narrator, as long as she’s punctual.
*
Close your eyes and visualize the best possible outcome. When it’s not looking, grasp it by the neck and fling it into reality.
*
Gather all the icicles you can carry and bring them inside. Nurse them back to health in the kitchen sink. Cheer for them when they move on.
*
If he’s not texting you back, it’s only because he’s lying, sobbing, in a nest he made from his mother’s old bathrobes and cardigans.
*
I will die as I lived: laughing at my own jokes and if I had to guess, choking on a swizzle stick.
~*~
August 5, 2020
This was a very strange book for me. Who does this? What kind of adult (yes adult, not teenager) makes up an imaginary character and lives a life through them online in social media. Crazy premise for me. Not a book I will recommend, but that is just my opinion!
February 13, 2023
3.5 stars
Let me say up front that I don’t care much for social media. Yes, I do have accounts on all the major platforms, but I created those more out of necessity than anything else. I guess you can say that I “tolerate” social media in that I use when it when I have to (for example — to connect with a friend or distant relative or to research or get information on something), but outside of that I rarely post anything and rarely interact with anyone. For the record, I have nothing against social media itself — it’s more that the experience is not for me, as I find the pressure of constantly having to “keep up” with the trends and conversations on there extremely exhausting and stressful, and I basically have neither time nor patience for any of it.
Given the above, it should probably come as no surprise that I had never heard of the fictional Internet personality Duchess Goldblatt prior to reading this book. In fact, this book probably would never have come onto my radar if one of my book clubs hadn’t chosen it as a monthly read. This is actually a memoir by an anonymous author who writes about how she came to create an alter ego on social media that is so beloved across legions of her devoted fans. The author encountered a lot of loss and tragedy in her life and in efforts to parse her grief (not to mention the incredible loneliness she felt at the time), she created Duchess Goldblatt on a whim, not expecting the character to attract as much attention as it did. Indeed, the Duchess can count among her followers many famous names in the literary community, such as Elizabeth McCracken, Alexander Chee, Benjamin Dreyer, Celeste Ng, Laura Lippman, etc. But for the author, one of the most meaningful experiences that Duchess Goldblatt gave her was the opportunity to develop a close friendship with her real-life long-time idol, singing legend Lyle Lovett. The author’s candid conversations with Lyle (both as herself and as Duchess Goldblatt) were a lot of fun to read and I felt that’s one of the things that made this book so special.
Overall, I found this to be an interesting read. I appreciated the candor with which the author recounted key moments of her life and the various struggles she went through. There were parts that I resonated with deeply and wholeheartedly— such as this paragraph where the author’s boss calls her into the office to praise her for doing a great job at work: “Outperforming other people is of no interest to me. It certainly doesn’t motivate me. If anything, it makes me feel a little guilty. I was raised not to show off, not to be proud, not to draw attention to myself. I don’t like people looking at me or standing too close. Compliments make me uncomfortable. My greatest childhood dream was to be an author whom everyone would read but no one would look at directly, but I couldn’t figure out a way to write books without people knowing my name.” I love this quote because it describes my exact sentiments as well. I also related to the insecurities and vulnerabilities that the author felt about herself, as I struggled with these at various points in my life as well. With all that said, the parts I didn’t enjoy as much were the quotes and excerpts from the Duchess Goldblatt social media accounts — don’t get me wrong, I liked the concept of it and I definitely appreciated the author for creating something that gave so much joy and comfort to so many people, but for me personally, the excerpts were distracting. Basically, I preferred to read about the author herself (this is a memoir after all) more than about her fictional Internet persona.
Even though this one turned out different than I expected, I’m still glad I read it, as it was a pretty unique experience overall. Given the author’s desire to remain anonymous, I admire her willingness to share her personal story with so many people (I know I wouldn’t be able to do it for sure). I wish her the best of luck!
Let me say up front that I don’t care much for social media. Yes, I do have accounts on all the major platforms, but I created those more out of necessity than anything else. I guess you can say that I “tolerate” social media in that I use when it when I have to (for example — to connect with a friend or distant relative or to research or get information on something), but outside of that I rarely post anything and rarely interact with anyone. For the record, I have nothing against social media itself — it’s more that the experience is not for me, as I find the pressure of constantly having to “keep up” with the trends and conversations on there extremely exhausting and stressful, and I basically have neither time nor patience for any of it.
Given the above, it should probably come as no surprise that I had never heard of the fictional Internet personality Duchess Goldblatt prior to reading this book. In fact, this book probably would never have come onto my radar if one of my book clubs hadn’t chosen it as a monthly read. This is actually a memoir by an anonymous author who writes about how she came to create an alter ego on social media that is so beloved across legions of her devoted fans. The author encountered a lot of loss and tragedy in her life and in efforts to parse her grief (not to mention the incredible loneliness she felt at the time), she created Duchess Goldblatt on a whim, not expecting the character to attract as much attention as it did. Indeed, the Duchess can count among her followers many famous names in the literary community, such as Elizabeth McCracken, Alexander Chee, Benjamin Dreyer, Celeste Ng, Laura Lippman, etc. But for the author, one of the most meaningful experiences that Duchess Goldblatt gave her was the opportunity to develop a close friendship with her real-life long-time idol, singing legend Lyle Lovett. The author’s candid conversations with Lyle (both as herself and as Duchess Goldblatt) were a lot of fun to read and I felt that’s one of the things that made this book so special.
Overall, I found this to be an interesting read. I appreciated the candor with which the author recounted key moments of her life and the various struggles she went through. There were parts that I resonated with deeply and wholeheartedly— such as this paragraph where the author’s boss calls her into the office to praise her for doing a great job at work: “Outperforming other people is of no interest to me. It certainly doesn’t motivate me. If anything, it makes me feel a little guilty. I was raised not to show off, not to be proud, not to draw attention to myself. I don’t like people looking at me or standing too close. Compliments make me uncomfortable. My greatest childhood dream was to be an author whom everyone would read but no one would look at directly, but I couldn’t figure out a way to write books without people knowing my name.” I love this quote because it describes my exact sentiments as well. I also related to the insecurities and vulnerabilities that the author felt about herself, as I struggled with these at various points in my life as well. With all that said, the parts I didn’t enjoy as much were the quotes and excerpts from the Duchess Goldblatt social media accounts — don’t get me wrong, I liked the concept of it and I definitely appreciated the author for creating something that gave so much joy and comfort to so many people, but for me personally, the excerpts were distracting. Basically, I preferred to read about the author herself (this is a memoir after all) more than about her fictional Internet persona.
Even though this one turned out different than I expected, I’m still glad I read it, as it was a pretty unique experience overall. Given the author’s desire to remain anonymous, I admire her willingness to share her personal story with so many people (I know I wouldn’t be able to do it for sure). I wish her the best of luck!
December 12, 2020
Duchess G is one of the funniest people I've ever read! And she's not even . . . .she! She's anonymous and apparently determined to continue to be. And that's ok with me, as it lends to her brazen and brassy confidence to say what she wants to say. There is wisdom there, to, no doubt about it. I hope she continues and gives us a few more books . . . .
I came late to Herself because I am not a Twitter-pater. Once it became the one and only way #45 uses to communicate, it's attraction to me went negative and useless, so I haven't been there. That meant I had to wait until the Duchess overflowed into other social areas. My feet are firmly in the book world, and one Goodreads review had me hunting her down until I had a copy. So glad for that copy and Herself. Wherever she is anonymously lounging today, I hope she is warm, healthy, snapping at someone, sipping an intoxicating beverage and having her feet tended in a manner she has chosen off a menu.
Long Live the Duchess!
I came late to Herself because I am not a Twitter-pater. Once it became the one and only way #45 uses to communicate, it's attraction to me went negative and useless, so I haven't been there. That meant I had to wait until the Duchess overflowed into other social areas. My feet are firmly in the book world, and one Goodreads review had me hunting her down until I had a copy. So glad for that copy and Herself. Wherever she is anonymously lounging today, I hope she is warm, healthy, snapping at someone, sipping an intoxicating beverage and having her feet tended in a manner she has chosen off a menu.
Long Live the Duchess!
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