Purity is Possible: How to live free of the fantasy trap

by Helen Thorne

One in five Christian women use pornography regularly; many more read erotic literature or write their own sexual fantasies in their heads. If that's you or a friend, this book is for you. It will help you see why these things matter; thrill you about the fresh start Jesus offers; and show you how to enjoy reality instead of being trapped in fantasy.

Genres: Christian, Nonfiction, Counselling, Christian Non Fiction, Christianity, Christian Living, Womens

114 pages, Paperback

First published September 16, 2014

About the author

Librarian Note: There is more than one author in the Goodreads database with this name.

Helen Thorne is Assistant Director of the Open Bible Institute where she oversees the Cert HE Theology courses validated by Middlesex university and offers general student support. She is also a trustee for Capital Youthworks, the charity behind Sorted - an annual youth event held in London.

Reviews

[Dani · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book is so important!

I think it's a really difficult thing for women to admit to doing certain things that this book talks about, and after reading this I've realised how important it is that we talk about these things.

Sexual immorality is something that many Christian women struggle with daily and often don't know where to turn to. I also think many women don't realise that something they are doing is wrong and may need a push to realise it.

It's certainly very difficult, because if you read a book like this, and post it on social media (like I am right now) then you may feel ashamed and guilty, and like people will look down on you or disapprove of you. But I also feel like it's very important for women to realise that other Christian women can be having the same experiences as them, and can make them feel seen and less isolated.

Obviously, I won't be talking about personal experiences because that's... personal. But I was talking to a friend of mine after reading this book and I found out that they have similar struggles.
But this also made me realise how little this is talked about and made me think of all the women who might need help but have nowhere to turn to.

This book is great, it's essentially a guide for Christian women to stop their habits. It does it in a way that makes you realise things you might have to change, but also doesn't make you feel separated from God. The author reminds the reader over and over again that they are loved by God and that even if they feel ashamed, God will love them regardless. So it's not a book talking about how angry God is with us but how much he loves us and wants us to be closer to him by breaking these habits - and I think it was the right approach to take with this book.

Side note: If you aren't a Christian but feel like you may need to break a habit - you can totally pick up this book! Its very short so give it a try, there is definitely something you can get out of it :)

[B · Rating 4 out of 5]

In her book Purity is Possible: How to Live Free of the Fantasy Trap, Helen Thorne is "honest about the murky world of our [Christian women's] minds and the impact of pornography on every facet of our lives. But the real aim, the ultimate goal, of these pages is to encourage you to become more like Jesus, the perfect embodiment of true attractiveness," (Kindle location 106).

Ms. Thorne shows how "fantasy, erotic, and pornography--the sexual fiction we [Christian women] imagine, read, or watch--take us out of this world and transport us to a whole new dimension," (Kindle location 213). The author does an excellent job of revealing the sin of lascivious acts without being too explicit, but her writing is still forceful enough to reveal the ugly reality of women's struggle that brings about conviction. Even though Ms. Thorne specifically addresses sexual sin, any area of discontentment in finances, career, family, etc. can be sinful and lead to an ungodly fantasy life.

The author notes that "ungodly behaviour stems from ungodly worship," (Kindle location 367) and looks at the idols in the heart of Christian women. She calls out the sexual sin in our lives whether in thoughts and/or actions, and then points to the saving grace of Jesus Christ. Ultimately, she points to the Bible as the "only real way to see, and keep seeing, the areas in which we [Christian women] need to change," (Kindle location 938). She also clearly demonstrates that the mortification of sin is a synergistic process which requires the work of the Christian and the Holy Spirit.

There were a few statements in the book that I do not completely agree with Ms. Thorne, but there are two major concerns that I want to address. The author obviously has a different view of the effectual call of salvation than I, but she recognizes the fact that not every woman reading her book is a Christian and gives a Gospel presentation. However, her presentation is incomplete; the Gospel is more than just letting Jesus pay for our sins (Kindle location 780). Christ died for our sins according to the Scriptures and He was buried and He rose again the third day according to the scriptures, (1 Cor. 15:3-4), and "these are written that ye might believe that Jesus is the Christ, the Son of God; and that believing ye might have life through his name," (John 20:31).

In addition, Ms. Thorne's statement that "each time we mess up, God remembers the cross and pours more forgiveness into our lives," (Kindle location 864), is not consistent with orthodox Christianity. Christians are imputed with Christ's righteousness at the moment of regeneration by the Holy Spirit. It is done once and it is done completely. The idea of infused righteousness that needs to be replenished is an unbiblical Roman Catholic construct.

Nevertheless, Ms. Thorne calls out sin and then provides a biblical hope of change that's not just grounded in trying to do better the next time, but gives guidance in renewing the mind to conform to the image of Christ. She recommends specific chapters of the Bible to read and think about which provide comfort and truth to the Christian. She knows that the process of change will not be easy, but continues to point to Jesus Christ and His power. Therefore, I heartily recommend this book for all Christian women (young and old) who struggle not only with sexual sin, but also those who have a fantasy life that is not submissive to God's will. The apostle Paul reminds us that "godliness with contentment is great gain," (1 Tim. 6:6); therefore, Christians should strive to be holy because God is holy, (1 Peter 1:16).

Full Disclosure: I received a free copy of this book in exchange for an honest review.

[Sydney · Rating 5 out of 5]

Sexuality was such a hush-hush topic in the church growing up. In my experience, if sexuality was spoken about at all it was in a “True Love Waits” campaign and then never brought up again. If I had a book like this when I was in high school, I could have been saved a lot of heartache.
I really appreciate this author for being for honest and truthful about the harm of entertaining lustful thoughts and what leads women to get to that point in the first place. She provides Biblical guidance on how to completely renew our mind and not just hope we do better this time around.
This book is Christ-centered and concise, and I think a lot of women would find value in what Thorne has to say, even if they don’t personally struggle with sexual purity.

[Amber Thiessen · Rating 5 out of 5]

I think there’s a tendency to believe that porn is a male problem. But reality is that women struggle too. Purity is also not just about porn, but about sexual fantasy as well. The author does a nice job articulating different temptations and how the gospel helps us in our struggles. This is a book for the single woman and the married woman, who want to understand sexual temptation, to hear biblical encouragement and practical steps toward purity. If you’re a women’s ministry leader, you’ll find this is a very insightful read.

[Samantha · Rating 5 out of 5]

Filled with rich gospel hope. Frank, honest, and down-to-earth, but also incredibly encouraging. I’d recommend to both single and married women struggling with any type of sexual sin. The vision of a Christ-filled life that she paints at the end of the book makes you want to aggressively put to death every form of sin, not just impurity. A hope-filled book for a heavy topic.

[Jeanie · Rating 5 out of 5]

Purity can be misunderstood that it is more about what not to do than what to be. Purity is putting on and if I was going to use an applicable word it would be protection. Living a lifestyle of purity is a protection of the mind, soul and body. I think that is what makes Purity Possible. “It’s about starting, not stopping. (kindle location 98). Keeping pure is not about sex being bad, it is more about making sex good.

Helen Horne own story is threaded in this study and made alive for us to examine our own hearts and walk towards the heart of God. Porn comes in many different forms. It is visual but it is also in word done in explicit detail. God made us for relationship. Marriage is made for relationship. Porn is made from a fantasy that cannot be realized. Porn makes people (made in God’s image) into objects of abuse that take away the value of a person. We are to be valued and porn makes unvalued and used. Having daughters, I don’t want men or women treating them as sex objects because I see them for much more. I can’t imagine what our heavenly father feels when we fall in the trap of porn. Porn is addictive and that is why it is so dangerous and damaging.

Helen Horne lays out very well the damaging effects of porn and the deceitfulness of porn as well. I would recommend this to all women that desire purity in their walk with the Lord.

A complimentary review copy was provided to me by Cross Focused Reviews (A Service of Cross Focused Media, LLC). I was not required to write a positive review. The opinions I have expressed are my own

[Jillian Heard · Rating 4 out of 5]

I don’t often write reviews of books, but a review of this book may be helpful for others of my friends who are counselors, pastors, or have some kind of helping relationship with women who struggle with pornography/erotica addictions. Most literature on this topic is written for men, but Thorne shows how it is a common women’s issue as well (and I can confirm as a counselor of exclusively women). Thorne explores the unique dynamics of a woman’s heart and common idols that often drive this struggle. She also gives lots of practical, biblical steps for gaining freedom from the “fantasy trap”. This was an overall great primer, but 5 stars would go to a more thorough treatment of the topic.

[Jennifer Maney]

Good stuff about not idolizing relationships.

I don’t know that I agree with her that singleness is a gift the same way marriage is a gift. I would say I’m a pretty content single person, but I kind of view it like somebody with only one leg. It doesn’t make me any less of a person and I can still live a full life, but it’s not the template for how things are “supposed” to be. I’d rather have someone be straight with me and admit that it’s a fallen world and things aren’t always the way they’re “supposed” be than have someone give falsely positive affirmations.

[Becky Hintz · Rating 4 out of 5]

A good book to have on hand if you do much counseling... Honestly, this was not a pleasant read because of the subject matter, but it was eye-opening in an important way. Though some of us "older" (i.e. over 30) women may not be familiar with the dark, enslaving world of internet pornography and erotic literature, the young ladies in our congregations certainly are, and when they're ready to find freedom, they'll need compassionate, un-squeamish help. This book is a solid place to start.

[Bethany · Rating 3 out of 5]

While I am SO thankful for more books on sexual purity for women, I thought this one was a little harder to follow and less compelling than PULLING BACK THE SHADE, but that could be because this one addresses a lot more general level purity vs specific, targeted application. Would be a great primer on purity for someone who struggles but hasn't read other work.

[Alecia Grumbach · Rating 4 out of 5]

A short, honest, and helpful book on a topic not often covered by churches in regards to women. Very well-written with a call to holiness alongside warm reminders of forgiveness in Christ. Would have loved for it to be an even more in-depth resource (hence 4 stars).

[Megan · Rating 4 out of 5]

A helpful resource with a lot of practical takeaways. Definitely something I would use in a discipleship relationship if I were meeting with someone who struggles with this topic

[Gemma · Rating 5 out of 5]

Truly honest and really helpful

[Bethan Edge · Rating 4 out of 5]

A short, practical and very honest book. I appreciated the authors vulnerability and personal stories. Challenging but equally encouraging, every woman should read this.

[Terri · Rating 5 out of 5]

Books on these topics seem to be few and far between, especially for women seeking a biblical perspective on sensitive subjects. Thorpe’s “Purity is Possible” shines light on the dangers of sexual immorality and also the rewards of being free from this sin. It acknowledges that Christian women who struggle with sin relating to fantasizing and/or pornography are not alone, which is a breath of fresh air for someone who thought she was along in the creation of fantasy worlds.

This is the first novel I have crossed so far that discusses fantasy in depth. Fantasy is displayed for the idol it is when we value or desire our fantasy world above the reality God has given us, and Thorpe put that into such a clear perspective, using the Bible to support her claims.

I appreciate how Thorpe points not to this book as the answer to escaping from the porn/fantasy trap, but to the Bible as the ultimate answer. Her book is not the end-all-be-all, and it’s not supposed to be. “Purity is Possible” is a helpful tool to use in conjunction with reading and studying the Bible. It provides information that encourages women to seek God amidst temptation.

This book was a quick read and I am thankful to have stumbled upon it. This book both convicted and encouraged me in the battle to rid my heart of all idols to be more like Christ.

[Rachel Menke · Rating 5 out of 5]

People tend to think that the female of the species doesn’t struggle with pornography and sexual fantasy and therefore resources for the 1 in 5 Christian women who do struggle in these areas are rare. Enter “Purity is Possible” a Gospel-filled, practical, and encouraging primer for the woman needing hope in this area of her life.
Thorne graciously and vulnerably walks her readers through her own struggles in this area while continually pointing them to the hope they have in Christ. She’s honest about how hard change is and yet joyfully adamant about how dangerous failure to repent in this area is. She points to the power of Christ again and again while also giving practical tips and encouragements for our own responsibility in fighting this battle.
I would highly recommend this book to all Christian women - whether they struggle in this area or not as this is helpful in talking to others about this prevalent but seldom discussed topic.

[Chloe Scott · Rating 5 out of 5]

The use of pornography, erotic literature and sexual fantasies are typically ‘hush-hush’ topics of conversation within the Church, especially for women living under the school of thought that these are ‘male-only’ problems. This book is refreshingly honest, understanding that this is not only a male problem, but rather one that affects both genders. Thorne does not shy away from these topics, but rather faces them head on with practical advice, pointing to the hope that Jesus gives. I really appreciated Thorne’s deep dive into Scripture and her vulnerability throughout these pages. This is an excellent, Gospel-filled book, focused on a subject seldom written about for women.

[Sarah · Rating 5 out of 5]

Excellent little book written for women on the subject of sexual purity and the fight against porn, erotica, and sexual fantasies. This is the first book of its kind that I’ve ever heard about and it is serious about both sin and God’s grace. Both practical and theological, the book doesn’t flinch from dealing with things that make us squirm and calling women to live in purity because of our relationship to our perfect Creator and Savior. Recommended (especially if you read it with a friend!): Highschool and up

[Vanessa Chiem · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is incredible. From someone who used to read erotica, and has read the Fifty Shades Series, this book has given me a such a wide range of tools and strategies to stay on the path to purity. I can just tell that through every sentence Helen Thorne is speaking from a deep conviction and real experiences. What I loved the most was that the book pointed right back to the Bible.
A very solid read.
It has genuinely inspired me, and helped re calibrate some of my deepest desires.

[Acacia Mitchell · Rating 4 out of 5]

I appreciated this book’s deep draw on scripture and personal idolatry- helpful for anyone regardless of their personal struggles. However, I did find it a bit simplistic in its approach.
Unwanted: how sexual brokenness reveals our way to healing by Jay Stringer is possibly the best book I have ever read on the subject, and takes a more wholistic view point.
That being said, this book has a beautiful call to purity and approaches it in a way that does not condemn and does not condone.

[Eric Targe · Rating 5 out of 5]

On my podcast we are discussing pornography addiction and were looking for a book to recommend that could speak to women (as most are written to men). Helen Thorne has done a phenomenal job of addressing pornography, erotica, and fantasy among women. As a pastor for young adults I plan to keep multiple copies of this book in my library to offer to those women who have sought and will seek freedom from addiction.

[Brittany Lee · Rating 5 out of 5]

Was kinda hesitant to read this book because of the name but my counselor recommended it and I'm so glad I did! I would recommend this book to not only those struggling with sexual sin, but those who struggle with idolatry in any way (all of us). It convicted me and encouraged me and presented the consequences of idolatry in such a practical way while reminding me of the unfailing hope we have in Christ! Praise be to Him for He is the one who makes us pure and who rids us of all our sin!

[Heidi Reger · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is certainly the best book that I've read on the topic of sexual purity and it is great to have a book specifically for females! Would recommend to all not just people who think purity is a specific issue in their life as Helen captures a broader picture of why and how to pursue purity whilst also offering practical insight in battling with daily struggles.

[erenmeii · Rating 5 out of 5]

I have problem with reading erotica before and God help me to conquer it! My problem now is daydreaming, it’s hard to let it go. I learn from this book that disobeying God is unbelieving. Not believing that God has much better plan for me than my own plan (fantasy). This book is precise and helpful. Thank you!

[Katelyn · Rating 5 out of 5]

Excellent resource for Christian women who may be struggling with sexual sin, porn/fantasy addiction. Not just a self help book but a scripture filled, practical book written by someone who went through porn addiction themselves.

[Ellison · Rating 5 out of 5]

author shares that despite the joy of fantasy, ultimately the viewer is alone, still. with scripture and encouragement this offer advice on how to remove content from your life and live a better, more full life, for the lord.

[Emma · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is open and honest and very real about the fact that this is not just the “guy” problem. Helen has brought in the grace and forgiveness and truth of God’s love so so beautiful.
Totally worth a read, and a great resource for youth leaders too! Helpful, practical and real!

[Emily Annabelle · Rating 3 out of 5]

I don’t particularly struggle with some of the core themes of this book so there was a lot that I found irrelevant to my own life. It was however an interesting insight into the Christian perspective of women and purity.

[Apryl · Rating 5 out of 5]

Gospel-centered. Realistic and honest. Encouraging.

[Rachel · Rating 3 out of 5]

great book for those who are struggling with purity and that’s includes looking, reading and doing impure things.