If You Lived Here You'd Be Famous by Now: True Stories from Calabasas

by Via Bleidner

If You Lived Here You'd Be Famous by Now is an insider’s collection of funny and warmhearted stories about coming of age in the Los Angeles suburb famed for birthing the Kardashian-Jenners and the Bling Ring.

For Via Bleidner, transferring to Calabasas High from the private Catholic school she’s attended since second grade is a culture shock, not to mention absolutely lonely. Suddenly thrust into an unfamiliar world of celebrities, affluenza, and McMansions, Via takes a page from Cameron Crowe and pretends she’s on a journalism assignment, taking notes on her classmates and jotting down bits of overheard gossip.

Getting through high school in Calabasas is something else—from Kim Kardashian endorsing the students’ favorite hidden lunch spot, to the theater program hiring a famous dog to play Elle Woods' Chihuahua in its production of Legally Blonde, and Kanye trying to take control of your school to make it the very first YEEZY institution.

But instead of floating through high school detached from her peers, Via finds that putting herself out there—for her writing, of course—just might have been exactly what she needed. She unexpectedly finds an eclectic group of friends to call her own, including a multi-multi-millionaire, a wild-card throwback intent on going viral, a former Disney actor, and a doughnut-dealing madman.

With wit, candor, and sharp observations, twenty-one-year-old Via grounds the surreal glamour of Calabasas with reflections on her own coming-of-age, sharing her teenage misadventures as she struggles to fit in, faces crushing social pressure, and eventually makes her own way.

Genres: Nonfiction, Essays, Memoir, Audiobook, Pop Culture, Humor

304 pages, Hardcover

Published August 10, 2021

Reviews

[Verity O'Connell · Rating 5 out of 5]

ok i loved this and am kinda in awe

[Kate Vocke (bookapotamus) · Rating 4 out of 5]

Have you ever wondered what it’s like to grow up among the rich and famous... but not be either? Like - 'famous adjacent'?⁣
⁣
In Calabasas, CA - well-known for the Bling Ring and where celebrities such as the Kardashians and Bieber live - Via Bleidner is lonely.⁣
⁣
She’s recently transferred from a private Catholic school to Calabasas High and talk about a culture shock. Celebrities, Affluenza and McMansions are just a small part of her coming-of-age story, but there’s so much more to life in this beautiful LA suburb.⁣

“That’s the funny thing about high school. Everything’s so important. Then it’s over.”⁣
⁣
I’m definitely more of the Kim gen vs. the Kylie gen - but I couldn’t put this one down. I cringed as she tells us how Kanye tried to take over her school and how Kim ruins her favorite lunch. I laughed as she ‘ding-dong ditches' Kylie Jenner and explains the whole “Valley Girl” phenomena. My heart broke as she described the relentless wildfires these residents experience way too often.⁣
⁣
There’s definitely a bit of innocence and naivete to her story but friends, Via is 21! And she has a PUBLISHED BOOK! Can we say bravo? 👏🏻⁣
⁣
Via, I think that makes you famous now!⁣

[Romina Villaflor-Wilson · Rating 2 out of 5]

Eh. Could do better. I was expecting more juicy gossip, turned out to be more of a coming-of-age memoir of a 2010s valley girl (the author is young, and the writing predictably appeals more to her generation). And no, she did not get to see Kylie Jenner when she rang her doorbell (courtesy of a game of chicken).

[Courtney · Rating 2 out of 5]

I am not the target demographic so why did I read this? No clue. If you’re my age, pass.

[jerome · Rating 5 out of 5]

In Bleidner, Gen Z gets their Joan Didion. With sharp wit and emotional range, If You Lived Here is an honest coming-of-age memoir that’s equal parts twisted and endearing.

[sid · Rating 2 out of 5]

2.5 - this was a weird read for me being that this book is wrote by someone from my high school graduating class and it’s about my high school. ngl it almost felt invasive like i was reading someone’s diary during high school days. definitely learned that i was way more of a sheltered little goody goody in high school than i even thought (lol). also was sometimes difficult to focus because i was trying to figure out who everyone was, definitely figured out a couple of them that were super obvious for anyone that graduated in my hs class. the out of order events wasn’t my fav but maybe that’s just because i knew the true chronological order. lol’d at the mention of the day zayn left 1D, def an iconic time and i remember it vividly. also the way the every 15 minutes was legit so fucked up and we all just accepted it, crazy. anyways this was just a weird rehash of hs for me but i was curious because the book was bought to be adapted into a netflix tv series, should be interesting…

[Britt J · Rating 5 out of 5]

loved

[Laura · Rating 3 out of 5]

It started out interesting, but ended up the annoying musings of an obliviously overprivileged Millennial.

[Ellen Hart · Rating 2 out of 5]

I found this book at the library when they didn’t have the book, so I randomly picked this one. I think a more accurate rating would be a 2.5/5 stars. I wouldn’t be able to read this book as an adult.

I think it was fun just because it was about her high school experience and her reflection of it. So reading it as a senior in highschool made the book pretty relevant to my life right now.

I won’t lie when the summary mentioned the Kardashians and a couple other celebrities it made me want to read the book more. Something that was kinda lame is that she would talk about famous people that she knew but she would block out the name so you never really knew who they actually were, which kinda took the fun out of it.

It’s kinda hard to comment on the character just because it is a memoir so it’s about her. I think what kinda is disappointing is that although she is reflecting there wasn’t a lot of commentary to support how she has grown from who she was in highschool. I guess it’s hard to do that given she’s in her early 20s right now so she’s still growing up. It was definitely a book more based off short stories from her high school experience then it was about her personal growth.

The writing is not great, it was written by a newer younger author so it makes sense it sounds the way it does. Something that bothered me was the transitions from different stories and the ordering of the chapters didn’t really make sense sometimes. There is this one chapter about One Direction that was difficult to get through. I will say the writing of the epilogue is a lot different compared to the rest of the book.

My favorite quote was at the end when she said, “confusion is a fact of life,” which was a nice reminder. Other than that I wouldn’t say I gained much greater meaning from the book. I don’t think I would suggest this book to other people unless they are interested in stuff like the drama of Hollywood, but I don’t think it was a waste of time for me to read it. I definitely enjoyed some parts. I hope she keeps writing and maybe tries a fiction book because I’d be interested to see how the writing compares.

[Andrew Wei · Rating 4 out of 5]

Came for the high school nostalgia, stayed for the profound insights and commentary on Internet and technology use and how they alter your mind and social dynamics. I was so removed from chs culture that I didn’t really recognize any of the events acutely, but I felt them and believed them all in spirit. I knew this type of stuff was happening but i felt so ostracized from it as a non cool kid that I didn’t even register it. I’m sure shit like this happens in all high schools, but there’s some elements that r just so distinctly calabasas. But overall a fun read. I really appreciate Via’s cultural analysis and insights about the growing pains of adolescence. Made me think a lot about my own childhood

[Alex · Rating 4 out of 5]

4.5 stars. loved so much. I was expecting to like this but not nearly as much as I did! definitely very niche but as someone who is, maybe unfortunately, obsessed with celebrity happenings a la kardashians (from a cultural theory lens, of course, but also not really)….this was a perfect read for me. also I know this is not the last we will hear from Via and I’m looking forward to much more from her 😌

[Gaia · Rating 3 out of 5]

I did not understand this at all.

It was sad to read of minors vaping, smoking cigarettes, etc.

Sadly, smoking seemed glamorized, and there were settlements and many efforts to undo the damage that the tobacco industry, Joe Camel, and others did when they targeted teenagers with such advertisements.

The author described her experiences and life in California.

[Kennedy Martinez · Rating 4 out of 5]

made me want to be a teenager again

[Becca Davies · Rating 5 out of 5]

There’s no doubt that Via’s writing is exceptional. I’ve always wondered what it would be like to grow up in a town crawling with celebrities. Via’s situation might have been unique but her themes are relatable for those growing up in digital media culture.

[Lauren D'Souza · Rating 3 out of 5]

Via Bleidner is a 21-year-old graduate of Calabasas High School and born and raised in the city of Calabasas, CA. Calabasas is a bougie, rich town nestled in the San Fernando Valley, not LA but very much LA-adjacent, and where many Hollywood elite or formerly elite live. This book is a collection of essays, somewhat chronological, about her time at Calabasas High, with then-aspiring writer and disillusioned teen Via (her renaming of her given name, Olivia) documenting the absurd antics that go on at a very fancy public high school.

These antics include things like her school constructing a lavish, far-above-state-of-the-art theatre for the drama department and casting the real Chihuahua who played Bruiser on Broadway in their production of Legally Blonde, a former Nickelodeon child star enrolling in their class and everyone competing for who gets to be his plus-one at the famous Nickelodeon Halloween party, and wildly realistic re-enactments of car crashes and loudspeaker death announcements featuring their classmates every 15 minutes to warn teens against the dangers of driving drunk and distracted driving.

Bleidner peppers these essays with reflections on today’s Gen Z youth, social media, generational malaise, and the pop culture of our moment. I’m basically the same generation as her - she’s only three years younger than me - and I admit I felt very seen by her analyses of One Direction and Tumblr, how having access to the internet has completely changed the game for young people’s discovery of the world, and the landscape of new social media wreaking havoc on our attention spans and social interactions. She has a lot of very astute observations that I really appreciated reading, and I could absolutely see her following in the footsteps of Joan Didion and Jia Tolentino (two authors who she says she greatly admires, too).

On the other hand, the actual events that happened in this book were not greatly interesting to me. I live in LA and have seen firsthand how LA youth are completely obsessed with themselves and, true to the stereotype, think they’re the most important people in the world. Via and her friends fall into this trope. Yes, their school has a lot of money, but no, this doesn’t make them any more interesting than any other school in the country. Yes, their school has weird traditions like appointing an elite, funny group of kids to be their TV broadcasters for their senior year, but every school has some niche stuff like that (including mine). I truly hate to say this because these are Via’s friends and real people, but I didn’t find the “characters” to be that interesting or memorable.

I was much more here for Via’s cultural analysis and commentary, and I’d love to read more of that in the future. Thank you to Macmillan Audio for the audio ARC via Netgalley!

[Sandie · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is a coming of age memoir by someone who went from a sheltered religious school to a high school in wealthy Hollywood. It was a school where classmates were famous actors or actor's children, where the performing arts program had a 7000 seat auditorium and where the normal pressures of being a teenager were added on. The author talks about growing up in the Internet age where everything you do is online, where cheating is rampant and almost impossible for teachers to catch and where your friends are everything.

My takeaway from this book is how lonely the author was and how glad I was my own teenage years weren't spent in that environment. She didn't seem to have many family connections, regarding her parents as just obstacles to getting through her day. The only person she had a connection with was her younger sister. That left only friends to support her and as with most teenage circles, that was an ever shifting set of alliances. Someone who had been a good friend one day took up with someone else the next. Friends grew apart or were made but none seemed lasting or serious. I was left with the impression that the author floated through her life, touching almost no one and desperately looking for a place where she made a difference. This book is recommended for readers interested in the Hollywood life and coming of age stories.

[Meghan · Rating 5 out of 5]

Full disclosure, my review for this book is 100% biased. Like the author, I grew up in The Valley, went to Catholic school, and even to UCSB for college. And while I’m sure there are moments of exaggeration, Bleidner’s voice transported me back to my own high school days, proving that even in Calabasas, a.k.a Suburban La La Land, all the money and celebrity in the world can’t save you from the lonely and earnest passage of teenage angst.

[Katie Midgley · Rating 1 out of 5]

Dude, who gave this audiobook the green light? It was the worst quality audiobook I've ever listened to. The author's words are constantly cut off, blending together, not finishing sentences etc. In the rare moment that I was actually engaged in what she was saying, I would get lost because I never got to hear the end of the story because it was prematurely cut. REDO this audiobook (but I won't be listening to it again either way.)

[Karolina Ball · Rating 2 out of 5]

The title and advertising for this book was misleading. I was expecting a lot more about the celebrity factor, and instead only three of the chapters really touched the celebrity factor. Majority was the author’s rambling about her guy friends and rather mundane high school experience. Was only able to finish bc it was a relatively easy read.

[Claire · Rating 1 out of 5]

What I thought would be a fun read about life in LA commingling with the elite was actually a collection of disjointed, rambling tales of an unremarkable high school experience. I’m sure this book resonated with other readers, but it was not for me.

[Aud · Rating 4 out of 5]

grew up with via’s sister & in the valley so it was pretty interesting seeing a ton of things that im familiar with! her writing style is really nice as well & this is overall a wonderful debut :)

[Kodie Abruzzo · Rating 1 out of 5]

I'm gonna try really hard to not be a bitch bc this is this girls first book and it's a memoir and that's really cool and awesome for her, honestly. But this retelling of her life in high school? Was BLEAK. Like it just made me kind of sad. The entire thing was just leading up to her somehow getting into a prestigious writing program (and I'm sorry but the way this was written makes me v confused about how that happened) and to the realization that she came out of high school with basically no friends, no connections, and her coming to terms with the fact that she spent so much time trying to be the "cool girl" that she actually made her life super bland and sad.... Yikes. I just can't imagine a real life person being as self-aware as she claims she was while absolutely tanking their formative years like that. I think she spent too much time trying to wax poetic and, like the epilogue discusses, have an epiphany, that she forgot how to write something cohesive and interesting.
...I need to stop typing because I am being a huge bitch rn but honestly this book was not great. I hated how it wasn't in chronological order, especially with so many recurring "characters". I would completely forget who people were and had to scrub back in the book to see if they had been brought up previously and remember their storyline. Some chapters were interesting or funny but most weren't and I'm just overall confused how this will be a TV show (unless every chapter is an episode, which would make sense except for the fact that the ending to each story was that pretty much nothing happened). Would I suggest reading this? No. I don't remember who I saw that read this and recommended it but whenever you are-- 🖕🏻.
1.5 ⭐️

[Michael · Rating 5 out of 5]

Former Calabasas HS dad here, class of 2020 and 2023. Bought a copy at the Barnes and Noble in Calabasas! This book was so, so good. If you have a high school student in your home, if you were or are a high school student, you should read this! Even if you never heard of Calabasas!
What brought me to the book was obviously my connection to the school and Ms. Bleidner, but what kept me until the end were the unexpectedly keen insights and dense cultural references. Very rare to see such a young author write with such confidence on so many topics. So much work must have gone into this. Not just a look at a specific high school but a modern report on youth anywhere, young romance, teen-parent relationships, our fixation with Kardashians. Much has been made about mapping which character to which real-life individual and perhaps there's some of that here but that's not even the best part. Made me think of The Outsiders in the level of truth here and The Goldfinch or even Tolstoy with the level of research and social commentary evident on every page. Perhaps the author could be a little more compassionate? Sure this reads as biting social satire but perhaps there's room for compassion, like in War and Peace? Maybe that's what comes next for the author. The TV show will probably turn this into some sort of soap opera but perhaps it'll drive some more folks to the book. Totally worthwhile. As I usually say about first efforts like this one, "Can't wait to see what she writes next!"

[Cindy H. · Rating 3 out of 5]

Content 3.5 stars
Audio narration 4 stars

Thank You to NetGalley and Macmillan Audio for gifting me with an audio ARC of If You Lived Here You'd Be Famous by Now by Via Bleidner. In exchange I offer my unbiased review.

Imagine growing up in the Hollywood Hills where your neighbors and classmates are amongst the elite of Hollywood?!! Here, in this hilarious and eye-opening collection of essays, Via Bleidner shares her coming of age among the famous and infamous. I will admit to being a tad too old to appreciate all the pop culture and social media references, but I was still nonetheless hooked. Via explores the ridiculousness and misguided privileges offered to her as well as the pitfalls of being raised in a town where wealth and stardom supersedes reality.

I absolutely believe Gen Z readers will delight and commiserate with Via as she struggles through HS trying to be both relevant and authentic. Audio narration by author was wonderful and I can not wait to see what Via Bleidner does next.

[Holden Walker · Rating 5 out of 5]

Instant classic. It is criminal this book has less than a thousand ratings on GR. If you're even remotely close to me in age, you will feel seen by this novel. If You Lived Here... captures the twenty-first-century condition flawlessly; it's stupid-funny and an effortlessly easy read.

My favourite essays are probably "Please Don't Eat the Oranges", which captures the San Fernando Valley phenomenally, and "The One Direction Essay," which is a fascinating time capsule into the early 2010s that is, again, executed fantastically.

It also contains some gems about the high school experience that surpass any other text I've read in terms of authenticity. I love how intentionally asexual it is and that the text leans into the mundanity of adolescence in addition to celebrating those moments of teen joy.

By the end, I'd never felt so parasocial. This book makes you feel like you know Via Bleidner. Very, very impressive.

Oh, and we all agree the girl in "Stalling for Cub" is Zendaya, right?

[Jill · Rating 4 out of 5]

Imagine the craziness of growing up inside the bubble of L.A.

That's what Via Bleidner writes about in her book of essays, which reads a bit like a Lena Dunham memoir for the Gen Z crowd.

Via is funny, wise, radically honest and irreverent. She's also going places as a writer.

"If You Lived Here" is an entertaining (and eye-opening) coming-of-age story set in Calabasas. As one might expect, it's chock-a-block full of pop culture references and social media influences. There's also drug use, lots of vaping and plenty of teen angst.

As a mom (raised in Nebraska, but now living on the west coast), I'm officially petrified to send my kid to high school.


Thanks for the advanced listener copy of the audiobook via the NetGalley app. It was narrated by Via herself, and she did a fantastic job.

P.S. Via, I loved all of your "Calabraska" references.

[Emily · Rating 3 out of 5]

For fans of Keeping Up With The Kardashians with a conscience.

This collection of essays is exactly as described--a behind the scenes look at the life of a kid growing up in the Hollywood Hills. I enjoyed it as a closer look at the adolescent woes of wanna be's, about to be's and just trying to be's. I think there were definitely moments of delightful insight but on the whole it was mostly just a fun trip back to younger days dusted in pop glitter. I think as a millennial there were definitely times in which I couldn't fully relate or appreciate some of the references that feel more on the nose for Gen Z. All the same, a fun and fast read/listen.

Publication date: 8/10/21

Thank you to NetGalley & Macmillan Audio for the advanced copy of the audiobook in exchange for an unbiased review.

[Kim · Rating 2 out of 5]

Disappointing. I read this because we live in Calabasas and my kids were at CHS around the same time as the author. I expected more insight and commentary into the culture at the school and city. The book was billed as a culture shock for the author, and I expected to hear about a lot of the things we experienced when moving there. But she was actually one of the kids immersed in the worst of the school. She was also entitled and affluent, obsessed with celebrities, involved with the rampant cheating, drug use, and drinking. There were so many issues that never came up in the book but it’s because you can’t always see what’s right in front of you. As a personal coming of age book, and a snapshot of her HS experience, she did a fairly good job. Good for her getting the Netflix deal, but I won’t be watching.

[Ellen · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book is very well written. I love the author's inclusion of details. I am generation older than she is, so I had to look up a lot of her pop culture references. (I learned a lot!)

The author does an excellent job of writing about the juxtaposition of kids living in two worlds -- one where sixth graders watch porn on their phones but then clear the screen when mom comes in with chicken tenders.

This book also made me sad, because as a parent, you want to protect your kids. But no matter what you do, kids will see stuff on the internet that you don't want them to see, and you can't protect them from that hurt, that trauma, and that damage. All that being said, Via turned out pretty well in the end. I can't wait to read what she writes next.

[amanda luke · Rating 4 out of 5]

I think living in the general area where this takes place made this feel familiar—but not entirely relatable—in a strange way. Plus I think the author and I are either the same age or a year apart, so we were in high school at the same time. I didn’t go to Calabasas High, but I knew people who did. Hell, I graduated high school with Disney kids so it’s almost like same shit, different font. This book captures a very specific high school experience that exists in Los Angeles and Calabasas and the entire Conejo Valley in general. I don’t relate to Via in any way, but her story was still interesting to read.