You're Invited: The Art and Science of Connection, Trust, and Belonging

by Jon Levy

Regardless of what you want to accomplish, from growing your business, creating a great company culture, championing a social cause, or affecting your habits, you can’t do it alone. The people around you define your success (whatever that means for you) and they have the potential to change the course of your life.

That’s what You’re Invited is about: The most universal strategy for success is creating meaningful connections with those who can impact you, your life, and the things you care about. But how do you make those connections and build trust quickly? What do you do if you’re introverted or hate networking? 

 Behavioral scientist Jon Levy had no money, reputation or status, but was able to convince groups of Nobel Laureates, Olympians, celebrities, Fortune 500 executives, and even an occasional princess to not only give him advice, but cook him dinner, wash his dishes, sweep his floors, and then thank him for the experience. The goal of his gatherings, much like this book, was not networking, but to build meaningful and lasting relationships.    

This private community based around the dinner experience became known as “The Influencers”, named for the member’s success and industry influence. Since its inception more than a decade ago, The Influencers has grown into the largest private group of its kind worldwide, with a thriving community both in person and through digital experiences.

In You’re Invited, Levy guides readers through the art and science of creating deep and meaningful connections with anyone, regardless of their stature or celebrity, and demonstrates how we develop influence, gain trust, and build community so that we can impact our communities and achieve what’s important to us. 

Genres: Nonfiction, Business, Self Help, Psychology, Leadership, Relationships, Personal Development

272 pages, Hardcover

First published May 11, 2021

About the author

Jon Levy is a behavioral scientist specializing in Trust, Leadership, and Teams. He is the author of the New York Times Best Seller You’re Invited and the newly released Team Intelligence, and Founder of Influencers, the secret dining experience and private community of over 4000 industry leaders, including Nobel laureates, Olympians, celebrities, executives, royalty, and more.

Reviews

[Irina Kozyrkov · Rating 5 out of 5]

I loved this book. It's an easy read, but that doesn't mean it's without substance. Quite the contrary - this book is medicine for the loneliness epidemic and it's more urgently needed now than ever. Many of us have lost close ties with supportive communities and we're far away from our friends. "You're Invited" helps you *do* something about it. It's about learning to grow your influence so you can build communities and friendships.

I'm a professional behavioral scientist, so I kept an eye out for how the research references are handled and I have to say that I'm pleasantly surprised. Of course, if you're here for a densely academic book, this one is not for you, since there is plenty of anecdotal storytelling.

This book is an easy and informative read for the non-scientist but it doesn't cause any science eye-rolls. (A tough balance to strike.) The author does a good job balancing engaging stories, applied advice, highlighted core concepts, and supporting research. It hits all the right notes. But that's not the best part.

The best part is that it really motivates the reader to make a positive change. Before I read the book, I was wallowing in a pandemic social-life slump. After the book, I was inspired to go out and build new friendships. And I took the book's advice, which I can thank for a whole bouquet of fun new friends (digital and in-person). As a scientist in this field, I already was aware of much of the science described in the book, but that wasn't enough. I wasn't motivated. That's the magical difference here.

The author talks about the importance of using behavioral science for good and lives up to it since the tips in the book create friendships and communities. Get the book. Do what it says. Be happier and more connected to the people around you. You'll be glad you did.

Highly recommended!

[Paul Miller · Rating 3 out of 5]

Well-intentioned - if you wish to cultivate a community in support of a business objective, a cause, or simply for social reasons, you will achieve better outcomes if you're purposeful about it. All well and good. He's got some great experiences to share but doesn't take that extra step of formulating the guidance into simple lists/tables/charts. Just prose, prose, prose. Decent book but would've been much better with another pass through Editing.

[Zibby Owens · Rating 5 out of 5]

The book explores this idea of how do we make deep and meaningful relationships with anybody and where do we start? It doesn't matter if they're a global leader or a celebrity, or a community leader that you just find really interesting. How do you build trust in a meaningful way? How do you foster the sense of community and belonging around you? The author is a behavioral scientist and investigated these questions by getting advice from celebrities and important people to join a private community based around the dining experience known as “The Influencers.”

I found totally fascinating that making connections could be taught as a skill set. The author even has a formula: influence equals (connection times trust) to the power of the sense of community. This is just something that makes me feel good, which you have turned into a quantifiable something that you can acquire.

To listen to my interview with the author, go to my podcast at:
https://zibbyowens.com/transcript/jon...

[Kelly · Rating 5 out of 5]

"You're Invited" is way more aligned with my preferred action-fueled style than the academic, pedagogical books on influence by Robert Cialdini. And definitely agree - human connection is both art and science - and both are deeply and complementarily covered here. This feels both timeless and timely, with insights you'd find helpful anytime as well as guidance for navigating intimacy and community during the post-pandemic times.

P.S. Read cover to cover for a fun hidden surprise :)

[Laura Smith · Rating 1 out of 5]

I’m so glad to finally be finished with this book. It was SO hard to read because I disliked his writing so much. He’s incredibly pretentious and really thinks very highly of himself. I can’t tell you how many times I rolled my eyes reading this book. How often he “was asked by one of the biggest companies in the world” to plan an event. There were much more subtle and humble ways to say the same thing but this man just loves to toot his own horn. Big fat thumbs down.

The only mildly redeeming quality was that a few of the chatter-opening stories were interesting. Until he got back to talking about himself.

[Vovka · Rating 3 out of 5]

This is one of those fluffy books you can read at 2.5x speed and not lose any nuance. It's partially a manual for throwing networking events, and for this purpose, it's not bad. It's a bit all over the place, and there's some typical rehashing of pop psych (e.g., a summary of Adam Grant's _Give and Take_, of the "halo and horns" framework, etc.). There's also a plethora of examples and anecdotes of entrepreneurial types who are having some success running the sorts of events described here, which makes the work overall feel padded out for length purposes.

[Jason Binford · Rating 5 out of 5]

I bought "You're Invited" after reading the favorable review in the Wall Street Journal. I was already searching for resources for re-engaging with people in person after more than a year of sad and impersonal Zoom meetings. This book was exactly what I was looking for. It has given me all sorts of ideas for getting back out there. And, it is doubly helpful for me because I just moved to a new city and these ideas will really help me get plugged into the community. Highly recommended!

[Kathleen Ninke · Rating 4 out of 5]

I don’t really know why I read this book, but I think I’m glad I did? Mostly?

It’s about how to benevolently “influence” people and share human connection, whether you’re trying to make new friends or trying to sell stuff to strangers. It’s an interesting take on how to make others interested and trusting in a brand—even if that brand is just YOU.

I would recommend this to my friends starting businesses or looking to create community events. Well-written and practical advice. Fun anecdotes.

What did I get out of it though? Er…I dunno, but it was entertaining and felt like a peak behind the curtain of marketing (to which I fall victim every day always).

[Jacob Guy · Rating 5 out of 5]

I really enjoyed this book!!! It helped me feel motivated and inspired to make a positive change in the world.

[Jeffrey Madoff · Rating 5 out of 5]

"You're Invited" is an interesting read for anyone trying to understand the psychology of relationships and influence. It's not about "networking", an activity the author does not like, it's about building a sense of community, where the building blocks are honesty, trust, competence and benevolence. Trust is an essential building block. What's interesting about the book and the studies that Levy writes about, it that much of the process of building relationships is fascinating and makes perfect sense, once he uncovers the behaviors behind them. Lot's of "Aha!" moments. It is a well written, fascinating read with a generous helping of insights one can apply to their own life.

[Marissa · Rating 4 out of 5]

4/5 stars

I liked this! I would recommend you read this in concert with The Art of Gathering: How We Meet and Why It Matters, which approaches gathering in a similar but more detailed way and focuses less on the idea of influence.

[Roberta · Rating 5 out of 5]

Jon Levy has written a modern How To Win Friends and Influence People bolstered by data and case studies that take the reader inside the process of real change and connection. You’re Invited is an argument and guidebook for putting aside the division that permeates our culture and building a more humane world in which people will thrive simply by knowing one another better.

[Jung]

The secret to all successful companies and social movements is that they mobilize groups of people to bond with one another and form strong communities. Understanding behavioral psychology will allow you to design events that maximize the potential for connection and collaboration. Through these events, you can create social, corporate, or cause-based communities that reflect your key values.

And here’s some more actionable advice:

Abandon networking.

Networking events are ubiquitous in corporate culture. But they’re also universally hated because they’re so awkward. And they usually don’t help your career very much, either – there are too many people crowded together for you to identify the few that could really influence your business. Instead of going to networking events, choose activities you love, where you have the chance to make genuine connections with people. Not only will these interactions prove more helpful in the long run; you’ll also have much more fun!

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People value things they've contributed to more than things they've been given.

We have a tendency to shower people we want to impress with expensive gifts. Surely, if they see how generous we are, they’ll start to care about us or our business – right? The thinking is understandable, but it’s also completely wrong. The truth is that people value the opportunity to give more than they value the opportunity to receive.

That’s something Benjamin Franklin knew very well. He once wanted to gain the support of a political rival. But instead of trying to flatter him, or buy his loyalty, he tried another tack: he asked his rival to lend him a rare book from his library. In those pre-Amazon days, locating the book and getting it to Franklin took quite some effort. The rival gave him the book – and then became a lifelong supporter.

The key message here is: People value things they've contributed to more than things they've been given.

Why did that tactic work? Because people care about things they put effort into. This insight is something that furniture giant IKEA has leveraged into an extraordinary business. Think of the last time you shopped there, lugging flat-pack furniture around an enormous warehouse and then going home to spend hours assembling a chest of drawers. Sounds pretty grueling, doesn’t it? But it’s also an experience – almost a rite of passage. Putting in the effort to assemble those drawers makes us value them much more than if we bought a finished product off the shelf.

So, if you want to create an event or experience that friends or clients will value, don’t invite them to a fancy dinner. Instead, create an event where they’ll be required to make an effort. Think, for example, of volunteering at a soup kitchen together. Or go on a hike. You’ll find that these kinds of situations offer much more opportunity for real bonding – and they’ll create more actual value for your clients.

If you do decide to host a dinner, then make sure that guests have an opportunity to contribute. At the author’s famous Influencer Dinners, 12 strangers are brought together to share a meal. But there’s a catch: they have to cook it themselves, in under an hour. In the rush to complete the meal, these strangers become united in their common task. As they cook, they chat easily and have the chance to drop their usual social shields. And, at the end, they enjoy a meal that tastes all the better for the work that went into it.

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Understanding behavioral psychology will allow you to design better events.

If you go to Walt Disney World in Orlando, Florida, you’ll notice something strange. After you pay for your tickets, you can’t walk straight into the park. Instead, you need to take a 23-minute boat or bus ride that ferries you to the main gates.

Why would the park designers have created this seemingly impractical setup? Because they understand behavioral psychology very well. Tickets to Disney World are expensive. Specifically, four-day passes for a family will set you back around $1,200.

Many people experience instant buyer's remorse after handing over the money – even though they’d planned to spend it. So the park designers factored in the boat ride as a breather that allows people to relax and get into a better mood before entering the park. That way, the outing starts out on a better note, and everyone wins.

The key message here is: Understanding behavioral psychology will allow you to design better events.

People are, as psychologist Dan Ariely says, “predictably irrational.” In fact we have over 180 cognitive biases that we’re not even aware of. That means we’re often not in charge of how we make decisions – even though we’d like to think we are.

We can’t change this predictable irrationality, but, like the Disney park, we can design around it. We can use our understanding of human behavior to create events designed to help people connect, and to put them at ease. For example, the author was inspired by the Disney example and gives the guests at his Influencer Dinners a transition period to get comfortable in their new environment. Instead of handing them a drink and forcing them to chat, the guests always start with a relaxing activity like touring the house together.

However you design your experience, make sure you always behave ethically; don’t use your knowledge of human behavior to take advantage of people. Remember: to build a long-lasting, trusting relationship with other people, you need to be competent, honest, and benevolent – you always need to have their best interests at heart. Always be transparent about your motivations for hosting an event, and make sure to be upfront if you're collaborating with a brand or receiving sponsorship.

[Amanda · Rating 3 out of 5]

I felt like this book was similar to many other books on the subject- a lot of common sense advice with examples of uber rich/famous people and feels a bit far fetched for the average person. I found some useful tidbits from a marketing perspective but not really anything groundbreaking for my personal life. I sped read through the last quarter of the book because it didn't tickle my fantasy anymore.

[deadpine · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book has interesting insights for building communities, but I wish it had been shorter.

It feels like a patchwork of behavioral science terms mixed with name-dropping, anecdotes, and bragging about the author. The writing lacks consistency, and some parts look like they were copied from other sources.

I’m giving 3 stars instead of 1 because I enjoyed some chapters and I got some ideas for my projects.

[Mike Crabtree · Rating 2 out of 5]

Shallow. I heard Jon Levy on an interesting podcast and rushed to buy the book. I can see where it has appeal, but it has a self-serving vibe I couldn’t get passed. I’m donating it to a local coffee shop in hopes someone can find more inspiration than I found. Just didn’t match my needs or expectations.

[Nicole P · Rating 4 out of 5]

As HR professionals, we spend much of our time trying to solve problems that, at their core, are deeply human: How do we help people work better together? How do we build cultures that inspire trust, not compliance? How do we create environments where employees feel connected, not simply employed?

John Levy’s You’re Invited: The Art and Science of Connection, Trust, and Belonging resonated with me because it addresses these questions without leaning on corporate jargon or overused leadership slogans. Instead, Levy approaches connection the way a behavioral scientist would; through observation, evidence, and a deep appreciation for how people naturally build trust.
The Central Idea: Belonging Isn’t Found—It’s Built. One of Levy’s most compelling messages is that belonging doesn’t accidentally happen in groups; it is carefully and intentionally designed. In HR, we often talk about “culture fit,” “engagement,” or “employee experience,” but we rarely use the language of “invitation.” Levy shows that the act of inviting people into conversations, into experiences, into a community, is foundational to trust building.

He illustrates this through the story of his “Influencers Dinner,” where attendees cook a meal together rather than talk about their resumes or achievements. Stripping away status cues levels the social playing field and accelerates genuine connection, something every HR leader wishes could happen more often in meetings and team offsites.

Three themes stood out to me:
1. Shared experiences build deeper trust than shared goals. In HR, we love to rally employees around a mission statement, but Levy reminds us that trust grows through interaction, not intention. When people actually do something together like problem-solving and creating together, the connection becomes more durable. This reframes the purpose of team building activities: they aren’t perks; they’re strategic trust scaffolding.

2. People commit to what they help create. Levy emphasizes co-creation as a trust accelerator. From an HR standpoint, this mirrors what we see with employee voice. When people feel agency, they’re more likely to stay engaged and collaborative. It’s a nudge to rethink top-down cultural initiatives and instead design experiences with employees, not for them.

3. Vulnerability is easier when status is neutralized. One part of the book that especially struck me was Levy’s exploration of how social hierarchies get in the way of real connection. Corporate environments are full of these hierarchies. Levy’s approach reminds HR leaders to intentionally create spaces where people can show up as peers, not job titles.

What I found refreshing was that the book doesn’t drift into idealism. Levy couples his stories with research from psychology, neuroscience, and behavioral economics, grounding his recommendations in measurable human behavior. It’s a blend of narrative and science that actually translates into corporate action.

For organizations looking to strengthen culture, the book subtly offers a framework:

Design shared, meaningful experiences (not just annual events).

Neutralize hierarchy during collaborative moments.

Invite people into smaller, curated groups instead of relying on large, shallow gatherings.

Focus on moments of co-creation, not just communication.

These ideas land well because they’re not complicated—they just require intentionality.

You’re Invited is not an HR book, but maybe that’s why it’s so effective. Levy approaches belonging from a human perspective first, and a strategic perspective second. The result is a refreshing reminder that workplace culture is built through thousands of small social interactions, not via policy documents, values posters, or software tools.

If you’re working to foster trust, psychological safety, or collaboration, and especially if you facilitate groups or design employee experiences which I often do, this book offers both inspiration and practical guidance. It prompted me to rethink not just how we gather employees, but how we invite them into something larger than their job description: a community.

In an era where workplace connection is both more fragile and more important than ever, You’re Invited is a timely and valuable read.

[Craig Adamson · Rating 4 out of 5]

An insightful book about the importance of networking and creating human connections. The author says what others either don’t or wont say “you gotta do this for the right reasons snd to help other people… then you get rewarded. And you might have to help others FIRST for a LONG time before you get paid back for your generosity.”

This book is basically my style so it’s fairly intuitive. However if wish I’d come up with some of these ideas in my 20s as I would be further ahead today. Anyone of any age would benefit from reading this, 20s and 30 somethings who have more time to play the long game should adopt these strategies to meet and serve others.

Since I listened to the audio book I really wish the author had not read it. He is winsome but he’s not a good reader so even though it’s his material it’s often awkward or at least he is awkward in his delivery. There are also some repetitive statements that better editing may have eliminated. Additionally, the author is creative. And he implored readers not to copy him but to “think of something unique and powerful/impactful.” Nice advice. Yes I’ll just come up with something creative when I reading your book and likely not creative at all. Too bad he couldn’t share some brainstorming exercises to help people get started.

Personally, I liked the stories he share for successes and failures. Some people just have money and no brains. And it does pay to think whether you have a budget or not. I also liked that he encouraged people to start small. Try something. Don’t spend a ton of money. Make some mistakes and don’t be afraid to fail a few times before things get going on your project.

It also felt like he was trying too hard to be inclusive and was obligated to name drop severally of our newest cultural minorities. I couldn’t tell if it was genuine or out of fear for people “cancelling” his book. Distracting but not enough to detract from the overall book. However these references will date this book fairly quickly.

I’d listen to it read again to refresh my memory but largely I agree with his premise of doing good first and foremost and then seeing what happens from there.

[Chayong · Rating 3 out of 5]

Blinkist

The key message in these blinks is that:

The secret to all successful companies and social movements is that they mobilize groups of people to bond with one another and form strong communities. Understanding behavioral psychology will allow you to design events that maximize the potential for connection and collaboration. Through these events, you can create social, corporate, or cause-based communities that reflect your key values. 

And here’s some more actionable advice:

Abandon networking.

Networking events are ubiquitous in corporate culture. But they’re also universally hated because they’re so awkward. And they usually don’t help your career very much, either – there are too many people crowded together for you to identify the few that could really influence your business. Instead of going to networking events, choose activities you love, where you have the chance to make genuine connections with people. Not only will these interactions prove more helpful in the long run; you’ll also have much more fun! 

[Blaine Strickland · Rating 3 out of 5]

At the recommendation of a friend, I read the book by listening to it via Audible. I deducted one star for the narration by the author; it was really hard to listen to. He speaks as if he is in the back row at church (very softly) and worse, swallows the end of every sentence. (Where was the sound editor?) Of course, if you read the book, you can recover this lost star.

I took off another star for the encyclopedic nature of the content. This is a catalog of ideas for a wide variety of gatherings. I found myself skipping chapters because the gathering type was not interesting to me. (It would all be interesting to you if you were launching interest groups, national promotional campaigns, social justice crusades and book clubs.) To cover all of this ground, the author overreaches to provide anecdotes that vaguely apply to the issue at hand.

Nonetheless, there are a few helpful ideas, and the encouragement to "just invite someone" is probably good medicine.

[Jennifer · Rating 5 out of 5]

Jon Levy takes a practical, relatable and science-based approach in this important book about the science of human connection. He has honed in on key insights that are so relevant today, both during the pandemic and beyond, and offers examples that make these points understandable and actionable -- without being too prescriptive.

This book has already proven useful to me in my own life and career, with insights that have changed the way I've approached networking and community for the better. I've found myself thinking about this book often, months after reading it, frequently revisiting chapters and making connections between the points and experiences in my own life and profession.

I'd recommend it to anyone who wants to better understand the science behind growing social connections, relationships and influence for good.

[Mayra Pelagio · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is a pretty good book. As a community organizer I know the importance of connection and I’m always looking at different approaches and philosophies to community building. This book provides great insight on how an individual can maximize or create a process for networking that is genuine and valuable for everyone involved. Since the author is an expert on event planning through the lens of creating meaningful connections, the book includes several recommendations for creating an event that meets the needs it’s intended to.

Overall lots of great insight, but I was left wanting to hear more about work with communities who have several barriers to being part of networking events, or are hard to reach for community building. I usually seek more racial and social justice related issues.

[Nigel · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is a useful book. It's about increasing your influence to help you make friends. What I like is that it's a lot more useful than Dale Carnegie's 'How to Make Friends and Influence People' which simply tells you that the secret is to be interested in the other person. This book gives you a much bigger bag of tricks from science that you can use to put people at their ease and create contexts where friendship is more likely to develop.

What I especially appreciated as an introvert is that it's not just for flamboyant, extroverted people, but it appeals to a broad range of audiences with a broad range of social skills. Kudos to the author for that. I liked it a lot, especially the applied stuff.

[Amanda · Rating 3 out of 5]

The beginning third of this book is really really good—mostly anecdotes from different studies and historical scenarios that illuminate the science of how we connect with each other, all of which is fascinating. After that it gets a little creepy as the author starts explaining how to meticulously sort your acquaintances into tiers according to their power and influence and then strategize exactly how to meet and reel them in by tier. I get that it’s a means go to an end and he clearly has formed real, substantial relationships this way, but his process for targeting people for friendship is just so calculated that reading about it just feels very off. Would recommend it for the first third though.

[Alexandra · Rating 4 out of 5]

This was not recycled content (as so many of these kinds of books are) - I appreciate that.
spotlight and halo effects

"With an excuse of competence - whether it's true or not - most people will be forgiving and move on."

"Specifically what people want [from the heads of their industry] falls into five categories I call their STEAM: Status, Time, Expertise, Access, and Money."

"Great design can be just as much about eliminating distractions and unnecessary elements ...as it is about adding fun or useful characteristics."

"Although we might feel that people are more hateful and angry than ever, it may just be that they are isolated, scared, and lovely."

[Beate Chelette · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is one of those books that just takes you on a journey you didn't know you wanted to go on. As a strategic business consultant who works with visionaries and leaders helping them to scale their impact I always look for things I haven't heard before. That differentiation factor, the thing, the something that stands out.

This book did not disappoint. Author Jon Levy shares how to build a community and uses his research and insights to demonstrates via many stories the different ways to do that. That in itself is powerful. You want to read the book just to understand how to build a powerful community of true believers. The one piece that stood out for me above anything else was - to build a community you must make an ask.

This concept is a critical piece that is the key for every business owner, expert or thought leader to run with. We are taught by every marketer, mindset coach and beyond to provide value first and that is good and right.

But to create the sense of community there has to be an ask. With the ask you get the emotional involvement. The buy-in we seek. Jon refers to it as the IKEA effect.

If you want to understand community building and why your social media efforts are not creating it, I highly recommend this book. In my opinion a must-have addition in every business library.

[Tamiko · Rating 4 out of 5]

I read this book over the course of a few months with a group of colleagues. We dissected each section and even met the author via TEAMS for one of the sessions.
I really liked this book because it shows that if you start where you are, with what interests you, invite people with similar interest to join you, and be consistent, you then have influence. We all want to meet the most famous person/influencer in entertainment, business, politics, where we live, but I learned you don’t necessarily have to meet them, you can meet those around them or if you start where you are and build they may want to meet you!

[Elizabeth · Rating 3 out of 5]

An insightful read on the importance of community. A few of my takeaways:
- Community is everything
- What/who we are exposed to can, positively or negatively, impact all aspects of our lives (e.g., our actions, who we spend time with, etc.)
- Our community can be limiting if we spend time only with people like ourselves, those who have negative habits, etc. Yet, if we surround ourselves with people who challenge us, expose us to new ideas, and have positive behaviors, our community helps us learn and grow
- Behaviors/habits are contagious
- Those with breast cancer are 4x more likely to survive if they have a large support system of friends vs. those without - really powerful

[Chad Manske · Rating 4 out of 5]

Behavioral scientist Jon Levy pens an influential book on community and connections based on his own personal experiences complemented by research. It answers questions like, how do you build trust quickly, how do you garner advantage for your nonprofit or charitable cause and how do you sustain such connections for the long haul. He often uses the analogy of an elephant and the rider to describe how these connections are best made when they meet the target group/population where they are and where they’re heading. By appealing to this journey, long-lasting attachments adhere over time.

[Leslie Yong · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is an interesting and fascinating book
The author highlighted the importance of defining the people that stays around us, it determines the success and the potential to change the course of our life.
The title of the book is written about the strategies for success by making connections with those people that can influence and make impact on us. The author further provides some general concepts on creating influence to those people around him.
A wonderful book for learning but can also at times be boring.