You've Got to Be Kidding: A shed load of wine & a farm full of goats

by Todd Alexander

The hilarious new take on country life by one of Australia's bestselling authors


They say it takes 10,000 hours to master a new skill. Well 60,000 hours since Todd and Jeff's tree change, they should have nailed country life, right? Sure, they've made great wine, built stunning villas and even learnt how to look after rescued farm animals - but how does anyone plan for the fury of Mother Nature?

Bushfires, drought, sick animals, failed crops, snakes, broken machinery, insurmountable debts, the unstoppable breeding of peafowl ...

Just when they think they're on top of things, they find another hurdle in their way. Despite fierce determination, a willingness to evolve and irrepressible humour, these boys find themselves down for the count. But they aren't ready to throw in the towel just yet ... are they?

PRAISE FOR Thirty Thousand Bottles of Wine and a Pig Called Helga

'Never before have I felt the responsibility for someone's tree change ... Todd and Jeff's ups and downs made me laugh out loud, and "verjuice schmerjuice" says it all' Maggie Beer

'This joyously honest account will make you laugh till it hurts, and you'll shed more than a few tears . . . it's The Birdcage meets A Country Practice' Bradley Trevor Greive AM, internationally bestselling author of The Blue Day Book and Penguin Bloom

'Every man, woman and child on earth has toyed with this fantasy. Todd and Jeff are living the dream. And have not murdered each other . . . yet' Stephan Elliott, writer and director of The Adventures of Priscilla, Queen of the Desert

'This book has it all - humour, heart, wine and crazy animals . . . A rollicking read for anyone looking to shake things up a little in their lives' Rachael Johns, internationally bestselling author

'If you're looking for a book that will make you chuckle, while challenging you and making you think differently about your life and your goals, then look no further - this is the book for you' Better Reading

LONGLISTINGS

2020 Indie Non-fiction Book Award

2020 Booksellers' Choice Adult Non-Fiction Book of the Year

Genres: Nonfiction, Biography, Humor, Memoir

304 pages, Unknown Binding

Published February 1, 2021

About the author

Todd Alexander was born in 1973 and has been writing for over 20 years. His work has been published in magazines and periodicals and his first novel, Pictures of Us was published in 2006. How to Buy and Sell on eBay.com.au – The Official Pocket Guide has sold in excess of 30,000 copies.

In 2010, an advanced guide to eBay How To Make Money on eBay was published by Allen & Unwin, followed in 2011 by Why Pay Retail (also Allen & Unwin). Hachette Australia released Get Your Business Online... Now! in March 2012, followed later in the year by Every Day Internet at Any Age. 2013 marked the release of Todd’s fully comprehensive guide to The New eBay followed in 2014 by Check 100: Tips for a Successful eBay Business (both published by John Wiley).

In 2015 Todd returns to fiction, his first love, with the release of Tom Houghton (published by Simon & Schuster).

Todd has 6 years' experience as a bookseller and head office buyer and spent 12 years working at eBay, one of Australia's most recognised brands. He lives in the Hunter Valley of NSW with his partner (cat, pigs, chooks and ducks) where they run a boutique vineyard and accommodation business, Block Eight. Todd has travelled to Africa, Europe, Asia and North America. A graduate of Macquarie University, he has degrees in Modern Literature and Law.

Reviews

[Shelleyrae at Book'd Out · Rating 3 out of 5]

In 2019, Todd Alexander published the story of his and his partner’s mid life tree change where they abandoned inner city living and their highly paid careers, and purchased a hundred acre farm in the Hunter Valley, to grow grapes, olives, and run a five star B&B. Thirty Thousand Bottles of Wine and a Pig Named Helga was longlisted for both the 2020 Indie Non-fiction Book Award and 2020 Booksellers' Choice Adult Non-Fiction Book of the Year, and captured the imagination of a public who dream of escaping to the country.

It’s been seven years since Todd and Jeff took possession of Block Eight and they have created a successful business, but it has not been an easy process and in You’ve Got to Be Kidding: A shed load of wine & a farm full of goats, Todd again attempts to answer his own rhetorical question...how hard can it be?

It turns out, it can be very hard at times. If the men aren’t battling with broken machinery, sick or dead animals, or predatory business practices, then they are contending with drought, heatwaves, bushfires, and the pandemic. Todd and Jeff are forced to reinvent their plans several times to stay afloat, including culling vines, purchasing a tour bus, and altering their marketing strategy.

But then there are the moments when the couple can’t imagine being anywhere else as they share a glass of their own wine on their deck, or take a stroll around the property with their ever-growing menagerie of rescued farm animals which still includes (the now teenage) Helga the pig, as well as several more goats, sheep, peafowl, and ducks, each with distinct personalities that keeps them both amused and exasperated.

Related with honesty and self-deprecating humour, You’ve Got To Be Kidding is a sincere, funny, warts-and-all expose of country living, a sequel, of sorts, though it’s not necessary to have read Thirty Thousand Bottles before picking this up. I again enjoyed Todd’s anecdotes about both the highs and lows of farm life, and his relationship with his partner, the nominated snake wrangler and cushion obsessed, Jeff. I liked that this time photographs have been included in the book, though most feature their goats. Todd, a self identified ‘foodie’, also provides some more of his favourite vegan recipes, which sound tasty.

While Todd and Jeff remain convinced they did the right thing in following their dream, and are deservedly proud of all they have achieved with Block Eight, the book ends with them deciding it’s time to move on, and it seems they soon will be, since the property is now listed as sold. I look forward to Todd regaling us with the stories of their next adventure.

[Sharon · Rating 4 out of 5]

Living the country life can be challenging to say the least. Todd and Jeff share with us their daily struggles all of which include drought, sick animals, heatwaves and the list goes on. This was a fun read with a few laugh out loud moments. I enjoyed this book including all the animals. A great and very entertaining read. Recommended.

[Nez · Rating 4 out of 5]

Thoroughly enjoyable

[Lee McKerracher · Rating 5 out of 5]

Once a book is a huge success and it leads to a follow up tome, sometimes the next instalment can be disappointing, but not in this case.

Todd Alexander has again triumphed with another superb yarn about life on Block Eight and all of the trials and tribulations that go with it.

Our fave characters are there: Toddy, Jeff, Helga, Winston, Wilma and a host of random chooks, peafowl, snakes, roos, guests, friends and family.

Todd still has his phobias of moving the odd carcass (well I don't blame him actually) and Jeff still has his cushion fetish, but what is so keenly obvious is their love for each other, their love for Block Eight and their blossoming new roles as saviours of local abandoned and needy animals (no I'm not talking about the guests).

Aside from the joy in reading this book, Todd raises some critical issues which we can all positively contribute towards solving: sustainable environments, water usage, how much meat do we really need to eat (can we reduce/cut that out of our diets?), animal conversation and care, and more importantly the way industries work that impact independent / smaller operators.

The wine industry is tough and Todd clearly explains the chain involved in getting wine to market with the added complexity in how to actually make an income out of that sale. In short - buy direct from the producer! (Yes I have ordered a case directly from Block Eight and am so looking forward to that)!

Do yourself a huge favour, grab a glass of your favourite beverage, a comfy chair and spend a joyous afternoon reading the second volume of the adventures of Todd and Jeff (and the odd quadruped).

[Debbie · Rating 5 out of 5]

I absolutely loved this book!! It was such a real account of the struggles of learning and living the country life, and was certainly eye opening for someone like myself who is just about to make the tree change. I loved it so much I had to go back and buy the first book- I can't get enough of the enchanting, enthralling, hilarious and honest relays of their life in the Hunter Valley and of course their beautiful animals :)

[Mel Prosser · Rating 5 out of 5]

I absolutely adored A Pig Called Helga And 30,000 Bottles Of Wine (it is still on my Staff Picks shelf at work) so was overjoyed to see its sequel arrive. You've Got To Be Kidding follows on the adventures of Todd, Jeff and Helga plus their ever-growing menagerie and is just as delightful to read as Helga. I'm not so sure I want to move to the country anymore though...

[Dee-Ann · Rating 5 out of 5]

I really enjoyed the first book in this series and basically went straight to the next one. I did not quite like it as much as the first one, but there are some cool recipes at the back, which made up for it. Still give it five stars. I like the enthusiasm and resilience of the author and his partner and friends (human and animal) which helped make Block Eight a success.

[Shereen Lang · Rating 4 out of 5]

The first book was fantastic, but the second book did not quiet hit the mark as much as the first one, but there are some great recipes at the back and thank you have tried them all, which made up for it. Still give it five stars. I like the enthusiasm and resilience of the author and his partner and friends (human and animal) which helped make Block Eight a success. again x

[Suzie B · Rating 4 out of 5]

I hadn’t read Todd’s first book, but found I could easily fall into the continuation of his humorous anecdotes about life on the land. Very witty, entertaining and informative.. makes me think I am happy to visit a farm but will never have the patience to run one!

[Steve Castley · Rating 4 out of 5]

It's another fun read by Todd Alexander. Sequels are difficult and Alexander nearly succeeded .but his previous book about Block 8 and Helga, his pig, was an impossible act to follow. That said, it is still worth a read.

[Nicolette · Rating 5 out of 5]

Made me laugh out loud, made me cry, and overall was a rollicking ride through the ups and downs of Todd and Jeff’s tree change!

[Deb Kingston · Rating 4 out of 5]

Another fab book from Tod Alexander and his animals at Block Eight.

[Debra · Rating 5 out of 5]

His follow up book to 30,000 bottles of wine and a pig called Helga. Was equally as good as his first book. Great reading. It had it all. Humour, drama, the works. Loved it.

[Karen · Rating 5 out of 5]

I found myself giggling out loud. Loved this book more than the first one .

[Helen · Rating 4 out of 5]

Always amusing - further adventures on the farm

[SS · Rating 4 out of 5]

Moments of laughter and moments of tears were experienced whilst reading this genuine story of trying to make it on the land. Wishing Todd and Jeff the best in their next adventures.

[Laura Dymock · Rating 4 out of 5]

Full of great anecdotes, it’s a fun and easy read. I even made one of the recipes at the back!

[Kate · Rating 3 out of 5]

A nice story with a few chuckles thrown in. I enjoyed reading it but not as much as Thirty Thousand Bottles.

[Jacinta · Rating 4 out of 5]

Still clueless, but they have learnt a lot. The relentless hard work and difficulties illustrate why this remains my fantasy escape. A warm description of a positive gay relationship.

[Jenny Whitehouse · Rating 2 out of 5]

I was really disappointed with this book. The first one was much better. I found myself skimming towards the end.

[Lou | bookswithlou · Rating 4 out of 5]

I definitely enjoyed Helga more but I think with the state of the world the last few years this had a more melancholic tone and less overall optimism which honestly makes sense.

[Louise · Rating 2 out of 5]

2 and a half stars

[Suzy March · Rating 5 out of 5]

I loved this book just as much as a pig called helga
I wish he had move books I love the way he writes na she’s a great story teller
Write some more Toddy

[Anna · Rating 3 out of 5]

2 and a half stars. Enjoyed the first book, this one was trying a bit too hard.

[Elspeth · Rating 5 out of 5]

Recommend by a friend. Good rollicking read. Enjoyed cdo much, I sought out his other books in this trilogy

[Dale · Rating 4 out of 5]

It's a wrap, folks. But I hope we hear more from Todd Alexander. I didn't love the sequel as much as Thirty Thousand Bottles of Wine and a Pig Called Helga -I got a bit lost amidst the farm animal rescues and dead kangaroo recoveries- but it's still worthy of 5 stars. As well as tracking their Block Eight journey, Todd writes well-framed thoughtful and thought-provoking observations which are woven through and pertinent to the narrative... the whys of the wherefores.

[Sean · Rating 5 out of 5]

Funniest book I have ever read.

If only normies could voice themselves so honestly without fear of reprisals life would be more real.