Loving Homosexuals as Jesus Would: A Fresh Christian Approach

by Chad W. Thompson

Chances are you know someone who is gay--a coworker, family member, or friend. And chances are, as a Christian, you're not exactly sure how to relate to this person. While the church has been pretty good at "hating the sin," it hasn't really known how to "love the sinner" without fear of condoning a homosexual lifestyle.

Chad Thompson, a man who has struggled with homosexual feelings, argues that "homosexuality needs to be solved through relationships." Drawing from the life and words of Jesus, Thompson gives readers permission to love and befriend homosexuals before they change--and radically, even if they never change--their sexual orientation.

This candid book includes an appendix of additional resources. It will be a valuable tool for pastors, teachers, counselors, and any Christian who knows someone who is gay.

Genres: Christian, Nonfiction

184 pages, Paperback

First published November 1, 2004

Reviews

[Mike (the Paladin) · Rating 4 out of 5]

This isn't a scientific text it's mostly a first person account of the writers' experiences and what he's learned through those experiences and his own researches.

Unfortunately often Christians take the Bible's stand on homosexuality as some sort of instruction to condemn homosexuals. This is not only a misunderstanding it's a painful misunderstanding that flies in the face of the teaching of Jesus not to judge others. Homosexuals and their relationship with God is between them and God.

I'd say more but, I won't try to synopsize the book here. It's fairly short to the point and should be read "in context" if you are interested in what it says.

As noted elsewhere I am a Christian. This is one of the stickier topics around at this point in time and often gives excuse for Christians to be condemned...even if it is a case of every Christian being condemned for the actions of some ill advised, misinformed individuals or groups.

If someone puts me in a corner about their actions I'll answer. But it's not that simple. God loves all people and each person's relationship with God is between that person and God. The Bible says that the Holy Spirit was poured out on all flesh, but God as Holy Spirit works with each person in His way and in His time. "I" am called to tell the Good News that God has acted to save humankind. We all have sin. My sin cost Christ as does the sin of everyone else. Mine is not to judge them...they belong to God.

I'd suggest this book for almost anyone as almost everyone is touched by this controversy one way or another to one extent or another.

[Werner · Rating 4 out of 5]

During my senior year of college, a Christian friend who was a (celibate) homosexual "came out" to me and another Christian guy during a conversation in the dining hall; but though we'd both finally realized what he was getting at, he wasn't able to actually say it. My other friend pushed a napkin and pen over to him and gently asked, "Can you write it?" and he wrote "I AM GAY." When he found that we didn't cease to be his friends, he was encouraged to share his struggle with some other Christians as well, and that was a constructive step for him. But taking that step required him to overcome enormous fear of personal rejection --and that fear isn't always unjustified in Christian circles, which is ironic when you consider that our faith tells us that we're all guilty sinners in need of grace and healing. As a former homosexual and founder of a ministry to homosexual persons, Thompson is very conscious of that irony, and wrote this book to address it.

Like most evangelicals, he recognizes that homosexual activity is not God's perfect will for the expression of our sexuality. (This book does not make a case arguing that premise; readers who want a discussion of the rationale behind it, and behind the broader Christian concept that sex is intended to be expressed only in monogamous and faithful marriage between a man and a woman, should read Lewis Smedes' excellent book Sex for Christians.) He also recognizes, and seeks to help other believers recognize, that demonizing homosexuals and treating them as some sort of freaks beyond the pale of God's love, or ours, unless they change, is not a constructive or Christ-like response to the problem. Homosexuals are human beings, not essentially different from the rest of us, and deserve to be treated humanly, not discriminated against, ignored or abused; and homosexuals will be drawn to Christ, and encouraged to change their behavior, if they're drawn and encouraged at all, by the witness of Christian love, not by self-righteous condemnation. And those in the process of change deserve active welcome and support from the church community. (In addition, Thompson makes the valuable point that homosexual orientation is not a "choice;" it's an unconscious response to environmental factors that takes shape in childhood, and is not consciously cultivated.)

This book also touches on the important issue of whether or not homosexuality is a genetically-determined condition as immutable as blue eyes, debunking the misuse of the three studies that have been adduced in the popular press as "proving" the existence of a "gay gene," as well as refuting the contention that counseling homosexuals about changing their orientation is a foredoomed and harmful effort. (The writing style is popular-level, but the author has a solid bibliography of serious, intellectually respectable resources on the subject, and documents his statements with end notes.) The writing here is irenic, reasoned, and compassionate; and the author speaks of a reality that he knows by experience.

[Jonathan Brooker · Rating 4 out of 5]

Much unlike any other book I've ever read, I went quickly through this book because of much-needed sermon prep that caused me to want to "eat up" any good info on the subject of loving those who are homosexual or struggle with homosexuality. I wouldn't normally have given this book a 4 star rating just because I don't know that it's one I'll ever re-read and it wasn't exactly life-changing. However, I can only imagine that there are so few books that will take the stance that this author did and did rather well. As an ex-gay, Thompson always brings back his points to his personal experience with them, and always in excellent proportion to the actual material he's trying to get across. One of the most powerful things this book presents is the idea that although our culture is now telling us that it's impossible if not unhealthy for a person to change from homosexual to heterosexual, it's simply not true. There can be freedom from anything with the right tools.

[Geckojen · Rating 2 out of 5]

Unfortunately references debunked studies and discredited organizations to make its point.

[Edmond · Rating 2 out of 5]

Honestly I am confused about this book, I read it because it was about being a good Christian and recognizing gays as individuals rather than sinners, but then the author is an ex-gay who got converted over? There was a school outing that he went to give a lecture and people were confused, and I am confused. The author is ex-gay and believes that heterosexuality is the way to go, but then he is tolerant of gays. Totally confusing, sorry.

[Sydney · Rating 2 out of 5]

review to come…. tricky stuff.

[pianogal · Rating 2 out of 5]

This book prob would have been more helpful if I'dve found it more applicable. It was an interesting perspective that I hadn't considered though.

[Darrell · Rating 4 out of 5]

First, a quick acknowledgement: Try not to judge this book by its cover. The term “homosexual” has pretty much fallen out of favor when used in reference to a person. In addition to being obsolete, it is also offensive to many in the LGBT community. In your interactions and communication, use “LGBT” or “gay” instead. For the purposes of his book (published 10 years ago), the author uses the terms “homosexual” and “LGBT” interchangeably.

This book should have taken me 2 – 3 days to read. I was not expecting a prolonged emotional and mental exercise that lasted much longer. Although I identified with the experiences and memories cited by the author (and the men he quoted), I also found myself having an unrelenting need to face myself at the end of nearly every chapter. Prayerful analysis about who I was, my walk with God, my behavior and my motivation. Questioning the quality of my relationships. And how well did I love others and myself?

I recently had the opportunity to conduct a short online interview with Chad Thompson. His book will help Christians connect with others through radical respect, love and humility.

One of my favorite quotes from the book: “Being forced into the closet is not healthy for those who have chosen to embrace their homosexuality, and it’s not healthy for those of us who have chosen to come out of homosexuality . . . I believe that loving gay people requires us to fight for their right to live outside the closet without consequence, whether or not we agree with homosexuality.” – pages 28, 29

[Adam Ross · Rating 2 out of 5]

While the book contained a lot of helpful work on how Christians ought to treat gays, it is ultimately hindered by following the essentially discredited "reparative theropy" model of the ex-gay movement. Thompson does not appear to make a distinction between orientation and behavior, however, claiming that reparative theropy can change orientation. While there is some success with such theropy helping to overcome sexual addiction and other sexually compulsive behaviors, there is no evidence to suggest one's basic orientation has been altered in any of those seeking treatment. As a self-identified gay - or ex-gay - man, Thompson claims following the treatment claims of Moberly et al has eased his own attractions to men, and I have no intention of disparaging that experience. Nevertheless, he admits the success is temporary and fleeting, which suggests that reparative therooy might in some remote instances provide temporary success. But far more have no success at all, and the glib and simplistic origins of same-sex attraction posited by Moberly and her ilk cannot fully account, or account for the majority, of same-sex attractions. There is a lot of good in the book, but because it offers false hope uncritically from dubious or debunked theories, I can't really recommend it.

[Tim · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book was amazing. Autobiographical yet not restricted to one guy's perspective - very thorough, honest, hopeful. I'm working on an upcoming teaching for our church right now on how Christians have done such an awful job of talking about the sin aspect of homosexuality without offering much compassion or acceptance in the process. This book has been super helpful in shaping how we can talk about this topic in ways that are full of grace and truth.

[Isaac · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is an amazing book. It was great to get a Christian perspective on homosexuality FROM a former homosexual. I have worked for and with homosexuals the five years I've lived here permanently. I've had no problem making friends with them, but witnessing to them seemed impossible. We need more books like this. I hope there are more.

[Jenna Berthoud · Rating 5 out of 5]

Excellent book! Really a healthy way for those of us within the church that need a corrected way of interacting with anyone who makes choices other than what we think is the way in which we should relate to God. Wrong or right is separate from love. Christ evidence this in loving us before we turn to him.

I won't say more because I don't want to have to mark the little spoiler tag. :)

[Andrea · Rating 4 out of 5]

mostly from a gay perspective.

[Amos Tai · Rating 4 out of 5]

Recommended for ALL Christians!!!

[Bryan Neuschwander · Rating 3 out of 5]

Thoughtful and respectful.

[Crystal Eberle · Rating 4 out of 5]

Very good as far as it went.