“It’s gratifying to be one-half of a partnership and have your life fully intertwined with the
person you love. But there’s a yearning to be an independent person in your own right too.”
This sentence from Cindy McCain’s memoir perfectly expresses what Cindy McCain’s book is about.
It’s very seldom that I read a memoir or biography by or about a woman in politics who is also a Republican. The only one that comes immediately to mind is one about Laura Bush. I read two, in fact, about Laura Bush: one a novel, clearly a fictional account of her life (American Wife) by Curtis Sittenfeld and one a biography (The Perfect Wife) by “Washington Post” reporter Ann Gerhart. The novel and the biography didn’t differ much on the outline, or even the details, of Laura Bush’s life; but Sittenfeld departs from fact to imagine the Laura Bush we Democrats wondered if Mrs. Bush secretly was/is – i.e. a closet liberal. Gerhart’s biography reveals that Laura Bush is exactly what she appears to be – i.e. she’s not a secret liberal.
It would be difficult to imagine that Cindy McCain is/was other than what she appears to be. She’s much more outspoken than Laura Bush, which is not to say that she’s not circumspect. But her activism in public causes and her travels around the world on humanitarian missions as well as her many campaign appearances on behalf of her husband make her life and her views less subject to speculation than the more demure Laura Bush.
I think Cindy McCain first came into my consciousness during John McCain’s first run for President. I liked her immediately. So poised and so well put together and very attractive, and quite forthright, she gave every appearance of being a self-assured woman. Her memoir did not disabuse me of that first impression. Of course she writes about some insecurities she felt as a political wife – an outsider in Washington – but they didn’t stop or limit what she set out to do. There were no big reveals in her memoir. After all both she and her husband had been in the public eye for a long time and, with two Presidential runs by her husband, their lives had been well scrutinized and written about. It’s the smaller details about their day-to-day relationship with each other, with family, and with their friends, political and otherwise, that were new and telling and interesting.
Her memoir covers when she and John first met and lied to each other to disguise their 18-year age difference, a little about her parents (very wealthy), John’s various political campaigns for Congress, the Senate, and the Presidency, and the scandal of the Keating 5 (John was eventually exonerated). She’s frank about her addiction to painkillers and her stroke in her fifties and about her reluctance to have her husband try a second time to become President. But there’s never any doubt that she would support what John wanted. Or that he would support what she wanted. She also takes us through the nasty attack that the Bush campaign (Karl Rove, she's sure) made on their adopted daughter from Bangladesh, through John’s cancer diagnosis, his final year, and her humanitarian work. She portrays their marriage as a true partnership and I have no reason to doubt it. He comes off exceedingly well in her book. Maybe too well. She variously refers to him as a great man, a tenacious one, a man of courage, of integrity, highly intelligent, always the best informed man in the room, beloved by everyone (well, she does admit that he wasn’t loved by Trump), respected by all, had the best values, held no grudges, a wonderful father, the life of the party, and so on. Some of her other descriptions of him:
• “deep knowledge of the issues”
• “his forthrightness shimmered through”
• “he could simply walk into a room and people would be in his orbit”
• “understood international relations better than anyone I knew”
• “people around the world listened to him”
• “one of the most patriotic and honorable man of his generation”
• “larger than life”
Some of those qualities are certainly true and perhaps all of them to a greater or lesser extent, but chapter after chapter you wonder if this is part and parcel of Nancy Reagan’s adoring gaze. (We’ll get to Nancy Reagan later.) She does admit John wasn’t always even tempered, although he never got angry with her, she says. (Query: wasn’t he next to last in his graduating class at West Point? Didn’t we often see him be quite waspish with his colleagues and with the press? Didn’t he seem to hold a grudge against President Obama for a while?) All that aside, there was a great deal to be admired in John McCain and also in Cindy McCain. A “steel magnolia;” maybe strike the magnolia.
When John first got to Congress, the McCains with all the newly elected Republican members of the House were invited to a White House dinner. Cindy was excited to be seated at Nancy Reagan’s table but says Nancy looked her up and down and offered only chilly replies to her attempt at conversation. At some point someone turned to Cindy to say how exciting it must be to be part of Congress for the first time. As she was about to answer, Cindy writes, Mrs. Reagan jumped in to say, ”She’s not the one who won . . . Her husband did.” Cindy later understood that Nancy had known and liked John’s first wife; however she didn’t understand why Nancy, a second wife herself, felt so hostile.
She also gives us some insight on the John McCain-Joe Biden relationship. I think when Cindy endorsed Biden for President we all assumed it was because Trump had been so rude to her husband and so dismissive of his military service. No doubt that’s part of it, but she also tells us that when she and John first got to Washington Joe and Jill Biden were the first couple to invite them to their home. They discovered they liked each other and a lasting friendship developed.
She reveals that her choice for John’s running mate as Vice President was not Sarah Palin but Joe Lieberman. Politicos advised against it; the rest is history. John always made a big point out of being bipartisan, and Cindy writes about many of their Democratic friends whom they worked with on various issues or causes: Mo Udall, Warren Beatty, Ben Affleck, Amy Klobuchar, and Heidi Hietkamp among them. Invariably, though, she seems to find it necessary to add that although they could work together on issues they all cared about, she and/or John didn’t agree with their solutions. In one discussion she tells us she didn’t/doesn’t like Obamacare, but she never says why. At another point she explains that John’s dramatic thumbs down vote against the Republican measure to repeal Obamacare was John’s principled decision that he could not vote to repeal it without a replacement measure guaranteed: he would not leave millions without healthcare. Again, that may well be true; but I remember his words after that vote – “regular order.” He did not approve of Republicans circumventing the normal procedures of the Senate. She may have become a disillusioned Republican but she remains a deeply rooted one.
I found only one point in Cindy McCain’s book somewhat puzzling. When Michelle Obama, on the campaign trail remarked, “For the first time in my adult life, I am really proud of my country,” Cindy says she couldn’t let that pass. She goes on to explain that she’s always been proud of her country, told the press that, and that the remark still bothers her. I thought it strange that she can’t seem to appreciate that Michelle’s experience of growing up as a black person in financially restricted circumstances was much different than her own experience of growing up as a very privileged, very affluent white person. Although she never flaunts her wealth, so many of the incidents she relates make it clear how that wealth eased the way for her.
Before John died they discussed what they wanted their legacy to be. There is now a John McCain Institute for International Leadership, with headquarters at the University of Arizona, which promotes the civic and humanitarian causes they both were committed to. Cindy’s special commitments are to ending hunger and human trafficking, areas in which she has done much work. A post script too late to be in her book is that President Biden is appointing her to be the U.S. Representative to UN Agencies for Food & Agriculture. She has many credentials for that post.
I always thought John McCain was a bit mercurial but over all admired much about him. I always liked Cindy McCain but, as I got to know more about her work in humanitarian causes through this book and other ways she conducted herself, my liking turned into admiration. This was an easy book to read – a rather breezy style, and I don’t mean that disrespectfully. She writes about some very difficult times, but there’s a lightness of touch. I’d guess she had a good ghost writer. Not that I think she wouldn’t be a good writer herself but there’s a real professional writer sense in the style and organization of this book.