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In Their Shoes: Navigating Non-Binary Life
There is no one way to be non-binary, and that's truthfully one of the best things about it. It's an identity that is yours to shape.
Combining light-hearted anecdotes with their own hard-won wisdom, Jamie Windust explores everything from fashion, dating, relationships and family, through to mental health, work and future key debates. From trying on clothes in secret to iconic looks, first dates to polyamorous liaisons, passports to pronouns, Jamie shows you how to navigate the world and your evolving identity in every type of situation.
Frank, funny, and brilliantly feisty, this must-read book is a call to arms for non-binary self-acceptance, self-appreciation and self-celebration.
Combining light-hearted anecdotes with their own hard-won wisdom, Jamie Windust explores everything from fashion, dating, relationships and family, through to mental health, work and future key debates. From trying on clothes in secret to iconic looks, first dates to polyamorous liaisons, passports to pronouns, Jamie shows you how to navigate the world and your evolving identity in every type of situation.
Frank, funny, and brilliantly feisty, this must-read book is a call to arms for non-binary self-acceptance, self-appreciation and self-celebration.
208 pages, Paperback
First published October 21, 2020
86 people are currently reading
2896 people want to read
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 129 reviews
December 2, 2020
I was very, very excited to pick this book up. As a non-binary person, the idea of a memoir/essay collection from someone who shared that identity was really appealing. Unfortunately, I was pretty underwhelmed by this one.
The scope of topics covered in In Their Shoes is broad- in my opinion, far too broad for a young twenty two year old to delve into at any great depth. When referring to coming out as non-binary, Jamie says “At the time, I was eighteen and had all the arrogance that comes with being a new-born adult.” This is delivered with no seeming acknowledgement or irony that, at 22,a lot of people would still consider them to be a “new-born adult.” This obviously doesn’t mean that their voice is not important, but they lack perspective in certain areas that only time can provide, and as a similarly age reader, I didn’t really appreciate the condescending tone throughout the book.
As a side note, it’s probably relevant that I knew nothing of the author going in, including the fact that they were a young British model with a Instagram following. Of course there’s nothing wrong with any of those things, but if that had been included in the description, I would have realized that wasn’t going to be a book for me.
I haven’t seen anywhere that this a book targeted towards a YA audience, but I believe that would be the ideal demographic. Jamie is able to be funny and vulnerable and use phrases like “big mood” in the correct context. The tips section at the end of each chapter are great takeaways for young people who are learning about gender diversity and expression for the first time.
*ARC provided by Netgalley
The scope of topics covered in In Their Shoes is broad- in my opinion, far too broad for a young twenty two year old to delve into at any great depth. When referring to coming out as non-binary, Jamie says “At the time, I was eighteen and had all the arrogance that comes with being a new-born adult.” This is delivered with no seeming acknowledgement or irony that, at 22,a lot of people would still consider them to be a “new-born adult.” This obviously doesn’t mean that their voice is not important, but they lack perspective in certain areas that only time can provide, and as a similarly age reader, I didn’t really appreciate the condescending tone throughout the book.
As a side note, it’s probably relevant that I knew nothing of the author going in, including the fact that they were a young British model with a Instagram following. Of course there’s nothing wrong with any of those things, but if that had been included in the description, I would have realized that wasn’t going to be a book for me.
I haven’t seen anywhere that this a book targeted towards a YA audience, but I believe that would be the ideal demographic. Jamie is able to be funny and vulnerable and use phrases like “big mood” in the correct context. The tips section at the end of each chapter are great takeaways for young people who are learning about gender diversity and expression for the first time.
*ARC provided by Netgalley
January 2, 2021
I'm trying to read at least one non-fiction book each month this year and this was my January pick. It's a great piece of non-fiction that felt very much a memoir but I think I might have got more out of it had I been younger or nearer the start of my coming out journey when I read it. I would highly recommend it to trans and nonbinary teens, and parents of nonbinary young people!
November 23, 2020
This is a wonderful memoir about living life as a nonbinary person. Jamie Windust’s voice is witty and engaging, and I will be following them on social media now!
I received a free copy from NetGalley and Jessica Kingsley Publishers in exchange for an honest review.
I received a free copy from NetGalley and Jessica Kingsley Publishers in exchange for an honest review.
November 8, 2020
I was given a free copy of this book by NetGalley in exchange for an honest review.
CW: sexual assault, fetishisation of trans and nonbinary people
As a nonbinary person, it’s hard to find books that represent my identity or my experiences, especially in a world that is still not very understanding of said identity. For that reason, I was so excited to read In Their Shoes by Jamie Windust, a memoir of Jamie’s early life up until now as they negotiate life as a nonbinary person, talking about relationships to family to work life and, more generally, how we’re perceived by those around us.
In Their Shoes is a fantastic memoir. The tone is relatable and reads like a friend telling you about their life, inviting you to share in their experiences. In that way, I loved this book. There were moments I laughed out loud, and moments I wanted to reach through the pages and give Jamie a hug. The only thing that didn’t really work for me were the list of tips in this chapter, as they didn’t quite fit with the tone of a memoir to me. Windust expresses several times within the book that their experiences are not universal to nonbinary people, and as a result these tips end up sounding quite generic. That being said, they are tips that I would probably have been very reassured to here in my earlier years. I do not doubt that for readers of this book who are earlier on in their journey to accept their own identity than I am, these tips will be a reassurance and affirmation.
It’s so nice to finally hear the stories of nonbinary people told through great memoirs like In Their Shoes. I hope it’s the first of many opportunities for nonbinary people’s voices to be heard, and more importantly, listened to.
CW: sexual assault, fetishisation of trans and nonbinary people
As a nonbinary person, it’s hard to find books that represent my identity or my experiences, especially in a world that is still not very understanding of said identity. For that reason, I was so excited to read In Their Shoes by Jamie Windust, a memoir of Jamie’s early life up until now as they negotiate life as a nonbinary person, talking about relationships to family to work life and, more generally, how we’re perceived by those around us.
In Their Shoes is a fantastic memoir. The tone is relatable and reads like a friend telling you about their life, inviting you to share in their experiences. In that way, I loved this book. There were moments I laughed out loud, and moments I wanted to reach through the pages and give Jamie a hug. The only thing that didn’t really work for me were the list of tips in this chapter, as they didn’t quite fit with the tone of a memoir to me. Windust expresses several times within the book that their experiences are not universal to nonbinary people, and as a result these tips end up sounding quite generic. That being said, they are tips that I would probably have been very reassured to here in my earlier years. I do not doubt that for readers of this book who are earlier on in their journey to accept their own identity than I am, these tips will be a reassurance and affirmation.
It’s so nice to finally hear the stories of nonbinary people told through great memoirs like In Their Shoes. I hope it’s the first of many opportunities for nonbinary people’s voices to be heard, and more importantly, listened to.
November 25, 2021
I'm dithering between 2 and 3 stars. There were parts of this deeply personal insight into Jamie Windust's life which I found really good. Engaging and in many ways fascinating. Then there was the rest of it. Jamie had alienated me by the end of chapter one. Their entitled attitude really got up my nose. I am well aware that this wasn't written for me, this is written for non-binary kids. It has advice for those who are questioning their sexuality, trying to understand how they fit in the world and to encourage them to be bold and embrace their difference. So far so awesome, but I'd really hope that there was a little more forgiveness than Jamie is able to summon up for those who they encounter who may not be as woke as they'd hope.
For me Jamie's scathing attitude of those who they might encounter on the street who stare at the amazing fashion stylings of those like Jamie is mean. One doesn't dress as Jamie without wishing to be noticed. There is plenty more which I found irritating about Jamie, but the book does have some great advice and I'm sure that it has a place in the homes of young gender wondering kids.
For me Jamie's scathing attitude of those who they might encounter on the street who stare at the amazing fashion stylings of those like Jamie is mean. One doesn't dress as Jamie without wishing to be noticed. There is plenty more which I found irritating about Jamie, but the book does have some great advice and I'm sure that it has a place in the homes of young gender wondering kids.
September 19, 2025
Oh boy. There are some shining moments in this book, and perhaps if I were a 17yo white amab nonbinary kid coming to terms with my identity I'd find it utterly profound. But I am not, and I did not. However, separate from it maybe not being For Me, it felt unedited, rambling, lacking genuine depth (though bless Jamie they're really trying), and not quite accomplishing the witty tone they were going for. It is a reminder of why I avoid memoirs by young people. We simply don't have the distance from our experiences to wax poetic about them quite yet.
April 24, 2022
"We are shouting against the wind. But if we all shout together, hopefully we will be heard. Hopefully, things will change"
Back in this year’s BRIT awards, when Adele so deservingly won Artist of the Year, there was a revolution online about her speech reclaiming her womanhood. According to the media 'The Trans' were outraged, how dare her to say she’s a woman. A simple search was enough to confirm that, in fact, trans people don’t mind Adele being a woman (shocking, right?) but what happened was articles and articles saying they did, and that’s about enough to start a witch hunt. They’ve gone too far! Thankfully Adele, as the ICON she is, shut down all that stupid and gratuitous online hate towards the community with pictures of her hanging out with trans performers at a club celebrating them.
I follow a lot of trans and non-binary activists and people in general sharing about positive change that floods my very soul with joy, to then see news articles and comments so nasty that is unbelievable that people talk like that in real life, but they do, and that’s where this type of book comes in. The type of book that was nowhere to be found 20 or so years ago, and even today is met with wary eyes and discontent.
The book follows the author thoughts and experiences about how to navigate life as trans, specifically non-binary, and even if you’re just a cis person and want to put yourself in their shoes. There are some good advices about how to approach your blood family, how to find support in chosen family, how to engage in positive relations with other people, how to take care of yourself and your own mental health, some did seemed a little obvious to me, but hey, maybe someone needs to be reading it right now.
This were some of my favorite quotes:
"This notion that people being their authentic selves creates ‘unnecessary’ attention is one of the most frustrating conversations to try and have, because surprise, surprise, the unwanted ‘unnecessary attention’ usually comes from the very people complaining about it."
"There’s a common misconception that queerness and transness means that we are unable to be complicit in other oppressive situations. Being queer or trans or non-binary does not mean that we do not also need to do the work."
"Thing I would say to non-binary people about prejudice 1. It’s never our fault. Ever."
"Provide humanity, not because you’re a hero, but because you’re human."
Back in this year’s BRIT awards, when Adele so deservingly won Artist of the Year, there was a revolution online about her speech reclaiming her womanhood. According to the media 'The Trans' were outraged, how dare her to say she’s a woman. A simple search was enough to confirm that, in fact, trans people don’t mind Adele being a woman (shocking, right?) but what happened was articles and articles saying they did, and that’s about enough to start a witch hunt. They’ve gone too far! Thankfully Adele, as the ICON she is, shut down all that stupid and gratuitous online hate towards the community with pictures of her hanging out with trans performers at a club celebrating them.
I follow a lot of trans and non-binary activists and people in general sharing about positive change that floods my very soul with joy, to then see news articles and comments so nasty that is unbelievable that people talk like that in real life, but they do, and that’s where this type of book comes in. The type of book that was nowhere to be found 20 or so years ago, and even today is met with wary eyes and discontent.
The book follows the author thoughts and experiences about how to navigate life as trans, specifically non-binary, and even if you’re just a cis person and want to put yourself in their shoes. There are some good advices about how to approach your blood family, how to find support in chosen family, how to engage in positive relations with other people, how to take care of yourself and your own mental health, some did seemed a little obvious to me, but hey, maybe someone needs to be reading it right now.
This were some of my favorite quotes:
"This notion that people being their authentic selves creates ‘unnecessary’ attention is one of the most frustrating conversations to try and have, because surprise, surprise, the unwanted ‘unnecessary attention’ usually comes from the very people complaining about it."
"There’s a common misconception that queerness and transness means that we are unable to be complicit in other oppressive situations. Being queer or trans or non-binary does not mean that we do not also need to do the work."
"Thing I would say to non-binary people about prejudice 1. It’s never our fault. Ever."
"Provide humanity, not because you’re a hero, but because you’re human."
October 7, 2020
In some ways, this book is incredibly important. Windust speaks from their lived experience as a nonbinary person and often gives advice to others walking the same path.
That said, it is not particularly well-written. Windust is often too vague and winding to make much sense of what they're saying in some chapters. Chapters such as the one ostensibly about polyamory actually barely touch on the topic at all, missing opportunities for a nuanced conversation about the many ways relationships can look. Also, Windust is incredibly young. This wouldn't be an issue, but when overgeneralized relationship and work advice comes from a 22-year-old, it feels stilted and lacks any sort of gravitas. The parts where Windust is authentically themselves are great - every now and then, their humor shines through, for example - but each section needed more direction and specificity.
That said, it is not particularly well-written. Windust is often too vague and winding to make much sense of what they're saying in some chapters. Chapters such as the one ostensibly about polyamory actually barely touch on the topic at all, missing opportunities for a nuanced conversation about the many ways relationships can look. Also, Windust is incredibly young. This wouldn't be an issue, but when overgeneralized relationship and work advice comes from a 22-year-old, it feels stilted and lacks any sort of gravitas. The parts where Windust is authentically themselves are great - every now and then, their humor shines through, for example - but each section needed more direction and specificity.
December 29, 2020
This author wasn’t ready to write a book. It lacks structure or purpose, and would have benefitted from a few years more writing experience. They use a lot of similes and metaphors that really don’t make sense. One that stood out was a description of their family as a vegetable kebab and them being the pineapple on the end - I don’t know if it was just an attempt to inject humour into the book but a lot of these metaphors and pop culture references just failed to fit the text.
I think this author doesn’t really know the book’s audience - whether it’s cis people or non-binary people. It’s not really introductory enough for cis people, or specific enough to be anything new for a non-binary reader. It’s lacking a clear a purpose. It was more a collection of random anecdotes from Jamie’s life than it was a finished book.
I think this author doesn’t really know the book’s audience - whether it’s cis people or non-binary people. It’s not really introductory enough for cis people, or specific enough to be anything new for a non-binary reader. It’s lacking a clear a purpose. It was more a collection of random anecdotes from Jamie’s life than it was a finished book.
January 1, 2023
reading this book kind of felt like an 8-minute conversation with someone in a coffeeshop. i didn’t learn as much about life as a non-binary person as I hoped I would. it felt more like a half memoir and half pep-talk and like there was more focus on their specific experiences and less on the non-binary community as a whole?
And somehow at times the attitude in the book left my queer heart feeling quite drained and showed that the author is still a young person too, navigating their life in a crazy world, which is very okay. so i have compassion with them, but i think i would’ve enjoyed it more if there was more understanding shown for the humanity of others and less blaming/guilt-tripping or as seeing yourself as the “good and woke” and others as the “bad and non-educated”
wish jamie all the best <3
And somehow at times the attitude in the book left my queer heart feeling quite drained and showed that the author is still a young person too, navigating their life in a crazy world, which is very okay. so i have compassion with them, but i think i would’ve enjoyed it more if there was more understanding shown for the humanity of others and less blaming/guilt-tripping or as seeing yourself as the “good and woke” and others as the “bad and non-educated”
wish jamie all the best <3
July 17, 2021
A short and pithy memoir/essay collection by a young non-binary author, I picked this up in an attempt to consume more Queer-Lit and read in someone else's shoes for a bit.
The writing style wasn't really my cup-of-tea (occasionally read like collated blog posts from the beginning of a recipe/tutorial).
It was also incredibly jarring to realise that my years of teenage-tumblr-feminism left me fine with the smash-the-patriarchy/binary, experiences-while-perceived-as-femme, gender-is-a-performance, just-let-people-live narratives and the Southern/London-dwelling High-Fashion Femme, Gen-Z Marketing and Freelance Public speaking I'm-a-relatable-person stuff was what lost me and put me outside my comfort zone. My prejudice against people who see Carrie Bradshaw as an aspirational figure didn't seem like a good reason to take a star off though.
To Jamie's credit, they make a point of re-iterating that their experiences aren't universal and note their own privilege. It's a highly personal work, sharing some highly personal experiences in a style oozing personality - and just not my scene
TL;DR - I am not the intended audience here. I am a grumpy Northern Millenial and this is probably a very affirming book for young NB folks
The writing style wasn't really my cup-of-tea (occasionally read like collated blog posts from the beginning of a recipe/tutorial).
It was also incredibly jarring to realise that my years of teenage-tumblr-feminism left me fine with the smash-the-patriarchy/binary, experiences-while-perceived-as-femme, gender-is-a-performance, just-let-people-live narratives and the Southern/London-dwelling High-Fashion Femme, Gen-Z Marketing and Freelance Public speaking I'm-a-relatable-person stuff was what lost me and put me outside my comfort zone. My prejudice against people who see Carrie Bradshaw as an aspirational figure didn't seem like a good reason to take a star off though.
To Jamie's credit, they make a point of re-iterating that their experiences aren't universal and note their own privilege. It's a highly personal work, sharing some highly personal experiences in a style oozing personality - and just not my scene
TL;DR - I am not the intended audience here. I am a grumpy Northern Millenial and this is probably a very affirming book for young NB folks
February 23, 2025
Truly a book for us nonbinary people, it warmed my heart.
As a masc enby I especially appreciated the insights coming from a femme trans person.
Read the book in two sittings, it flowed really well and was an „easy“ read despite heavy topics.
I love how Jamie allowed a wide range of emotion to take up space in their writing, that gave it a lot of depth and relatability - and made me seen with all of my emotions.
Favourite quote:
„We are never the problem. Being non-binary is never the problem“
<333
As a masc enby I especially appreciated the insights coming from a femme trans person.
Read the book in two sittings, it flowed really well and was an „easy“ read despite heavy topics.
I love how Jamie allowed a wide range of emotion to take up space in their writing, that gave it a lot of depth and relatability - and made me seen with all of my emotions.
Favourite quote:
„We are never the problem. Being non-binary is never the problem“
<333
April 21, 2021
Full review to come - but definitely a book everyone should read. Insightful, funny - and scarily realistic at times, in their shoes is a book any enby person or ally needs to know about!
April 11, 2025
Such a quick little read worth far more than the time you'll put into reading it, this book was priceless in the understanding and empathy it allowed me and I flew through it with gusto!
January 12, 2021
This book felt like having a conversation with a good friend, someone who gets me and gets what it's like just existing as a nonbinary person in a hetro and cisnormative world. I could really tell it was written from the heart. I laughed, sighed and may have shed a tear or two. This is the exact sort of book I needed when I was younger and figuring out my gender and how I fitted into this world. I think this boon could be super powerful to young nonbinary people and I hope lots of them get to read this and feel seen and affirmed. Powerful and important.
May 22, 2022
This memoir (of a 22-year-old nonbinary model) meets self-help book (for other nonbinary people) was a joy to read. The chapters cover many different aspects of nonbinary life: from discovering your identity, to family, to dating, to mental health, to experimenting and finding yourself with fashion and gender expression, to coping with transphobia and public scrutiny.
So much of the trans and nonbinary experience is portrayed as tragic, and while hardship is unfortunately a reality for most trans and nonbinary people, it's also important to show joy and happiness. Through personal anecdotes and advice, Jamie provides words of wisdom to help nonbinary people cope, take care of themselves, and thrive. They don't sugarcoat the many struggles of their life as a feminine nonbinary person, but they also highlight their successes, the euphoria, community and happiness they experience as an n-b person.
At times I was somewhat confused by where a chapter, or a story within a chapter, was going. I think if there were different sections or breakdowns within each chapter, there would have been better clarity. I was also confused by some of the British references/phrases but that's the Canadian in me. Overall, Jamie's writing is humourous and although I had never heard of them prior, I'll now be following their social media and magazine FRUITCAKE very closely!
This book made me feel seen, but more importantly it allowed me to reflect on how my experiences as a newly-discovered nonbinary person who is feminine and AFAB are very different. I have an immense amount of privilege and it's important that I always recognize that. There are many trans and nonbinary people who do not have the ability, or desire, to fly under the radar. And it is my duty to use my privilege to stick up for them always.
CW: sexual assault, transphobia, fetishization of trans people
So much of the trans and nonbinary experience is portrayed as tragic, and while hardship is unfortunately a reality for most trans and nonbinary people, it's also important to show joy and happiness. Through personal anecdotes and advice, Jamie provides words of wisdom to help nonbinary people cope, take care of themselves, and thrive. They don't sugarcoat the many struggles of their life as a feminine nonbinary person, but they also highlight their successes, the euphoria, community and happiness they experience as an n-b person.
At times I was somewhat confused by where a chapter, or a story within a chapter, was going. I think if there were different sections or breakdowns within each chapter, there would have been better clarity. I was also confused by some of the British references/phrases but that's the Canadian in me. Overall, Jamie's writing is humourous and although I had never heard of them prior, I'll now be following their social media and magazine FRUITCAKE very closely!
This book made me feel seen, but more importantly it allowed me to reflect on how my experiences as a newly-discovered nonbinary person who is feminine and AFAB are very different. I have an immense amount of privilege and it's important that I always recognize that. There are many trans and nonbinary people who do not have the ability, or desire, to fly under the radar. And it is my duty to use my privilege to stick up for them always.
CW: sexual assault, transphobia, fetishization of trans people
January 18, 2023
While I went into this book expecting to identify with a lot more of it than I actually did, due to my lack of experience with work and formal education, I came away from it feeling immensely grateful and with a lot of love in my heart.
Jamie is a fantastic writer, so capable of being humorous and deeply serious, as well as sharing a perspective that I believe anybody would enjoy reading about. I would love to read more from them in the future and will definitely be continuing to follow along with their life on Instagram, now with a deeper sense of what a gorgeous human they truly are.
3.75 stars
Jamie is a fantastic writer, so capable of being humorous and deeply serious, as well as sharing a perspective that I believe anybody would enjoy reading about. I would love to read more from them in the future and will definitely be continuing to follow along with their life on Instagram, now with a deeper sense of what a gorgeous human they truly are.
3.75 stars
July 24, 2022
Just slayyy, I wish this book would be in German as well so I can show it to my dad, se he understands me more .They just write exactly how I was feeling so many times ,so good.
November 2, 2020
I read a lot of books. A lot of good books, in fact. But I do try to be sparing when it comes to splashing the “YOU NEED THIS” line so it doesn’t loose its shine. With that in mind, you all should absolutely go and buy In Their Shoes. You need this.
This is about Jamie’s experiences being non-binary. Not to sound a bit Bridgette Jones/ like my mum, but this book made me laugh and made me cry. It covers some fucking awful experiences Jamie has had being non-binary, but also the joys it has brought them.
Jamie has crafted this book so well. It’s no secret that I fucking love a rant, especially when it comes to gender. My downside is that I get so pissed off, I just throw the c-bomb everywhere. This book is everything I want to say but am to angry to say, and then so much more.
I must say that when someone I follow on social media announces they’re writing a book, I tend to feel a bit nervy that their personality will be lost in it. I’m pleased to say this book was so true to Jamie (iconic) and was filled with on point references that had me snorting. Faves included; Bake off, the Carrie Bradshaw ‘won-der’, the annual gay kiss on Eastenders, kitten heels, and a humble ode to the trusty date location, Pizza Express.
If you’re not sold by those five points alone then I’m truly shocked.
This book is a great way to further educated yourself on this subject (which any decent human being should strive to be doing). The absolute LEAST you can do to support this community is pick up this book to give yourself a teeny tiny insight into Jamie’s life. You all clearly like reading so you have no excuses.
Insta: @humph_reads
This is about Jamie’s experiences being non-binary. Not to sound a bit Bridgette Jones/ like my mum, but this book made me laugh and made me cry. It covers some fucking awful experiences Jamie has had being non-binary, but also the joys it has brought them.
Jamie has crafted this book so well. It’s no secret that I fucking love a rant, especially when it comes to gender. My downside is that I get so pissed off, I just throw the c-bomb everywhere. This book is everything I want to say but am to angry to say, and then so much more.
I must say that when someone I follow on social media announces they’re writing a book, I tend to feel a bit nervy that their personality will be lost in it. I’m pleased to say this book was so true to Jamie (iconic) and was filled with on point references that had me snorting. Faves included; Bake off, the Carrie Bradshaw ‘won-der’, the annual gay kiss on Eastenders, kitten heels, and a humble ode to the trusty date location, Pizza Express.
If you’re not sold by those five points alone then I’m truly shocked.
This book is a great way to further educated yourself on this subject (which any decent human being should strive to be doing). The absolute LEAST you can do to support this community is pick up this book to give yourself a teeny tiny insight into Jamie’s life. You all clearly like reading so you have no excuses.
Insta: @humph_reads
January 24, 2024
I really, really enjoyed this little gem! It’s a heartfelt and painfully gorgeous look into non-binary life, allyship, broader social issues, and all the other things that make you a whole and exciting person outside of gender identity. Also, it’s brilliantly witty and charming. Especially if you’re a Brit, as there are so many wonderfully weaved-in DEEPLY British and niche pop culture references. Absolutely loved it.
I’d just like to take a moment to share a couple of my favourite quotes from this book that tickled me to my core, and I couldn’t agree more with either.
“We got on the Tube, and she’d just been to a hilariously fancy dinner and was in all of her finery, which included a little ‘60s dress, filling out at the waist and falling down into a little flowery skirt. Sensational. Sadly she was wearing a kitten heel, but I guess not everyone in my bloodline has the sensibility to understand that heels below four inches are just flats, and we will forgive her for that.”
“9 THINGS I WOULD SHARE WITH SOMEONE WHO WANTS TO BE FREELANCE.
1. Get a therapist.”
Felt.
(Honourable mention for the line “It’s a warm summer’s day and I’m taking a break from looking iconic” which may have changed my Brian chemistry forever. Thank you Jamie.)
I’d just like to take a moment to share a couple of my favourite quotes from this book that tickled me to my core, and I couldn’t agree more with either.
“We got on the Tube, and she’d just been to a hilariously fancy dinner and was in all of her finery, which included a little ‘60s dress, filling out at the waist and falling down into a little flowery skirt. Sensational. Sadly she was wearing a kitten heel, but I guess not everyone in my bloodline has the sensibility to understand that heels below four inches are just flats, and we will forgive her for that.”
“9 THINGS I WOULD SHARE WITH SOMEONE WHO WANTS TO BE FREELANCE.
1. Get a therapist.”
Felt.
(Honourable mention for the line “It’s a warm summer’s day and I’m taking a break from looking iconic” which may have changed my Brian chemistry forever. Thank you Jamie.)
October 29, 2020
I have requested to read In Their Shoes as I am not familiar with the LGBTQ+ community and their experiences. I have also been hearing about "non-binary" quite often in the past years and I was interested in learning more. I can honestly say that I picked the right book in order to try to put myself in those shoes for a couple of days. The writing was extremely pleasant; it felt like having a drink with a friend and listen to their stories and experiences. I loved it!
Being a non-heterosexual is so difficult. No wonder so many end up committing suicide. They feel watched, judged, made fun of, humiliated constantly. Who can live like that! And why? Because they just want to live happily and not hide their true self.
This book was a quick read, it was funny, moving, emotional, heartbreaking, and so relatable, even to a straight person. I will definitely recommend it to anyone I might have a discussion with on that important subject. The world needs to learn to accept people for who they really are. As long as no one gets hurt, who really cares what gender you feel you belong and/or are attracted to?
Thank you Net Galley and the publisher for this e-ARC in exchange for my honest review.
Being a non-heterosexual is so difficult. No wonder so many end up committing suicide. They feel watched, judged, made fun of, humiliated constantly. Who can live like that! And why? Because they just want to live happily and not hide their true self.
This book was a quick read, it was funny, moving, emotional, heartbreaking, and so relatable, even to a straight person. I will definitely recommend it to anyone I might have a discussion with on that important subject. The world needs to learn to accept people for who they really are. As long as no one gets hurt, who really cares what gender you feel you belong and/or are attracted to?
Thank you Net Galley and the publisher for this e-ARC in exchange for my honest review.
August 7, 2021
This book is a well-mixed combination of memoir, advice, and politico-social reflection. In each chapter Windust smoothly presents not only their own experiences coming out and living as non-binary in a country and a world deeply, sometimes violently biased against their existence and self-expression, but also the lessons they've learned along the way. The chapters then build on each other until they've turned into a moving call for action, activism, and allyship by the end of the book.
What works well is the conversational narrative style, and the use of humor to offset the (very real) trauma and anger. Windust addresses the reader as if they're a good friend, which in turn makes the reader deeply invested in their journey and what they have to say. It helps that, at heart, all they want for themselves (and everyone else) is the joy of self-expression and creativity - an eminently laudable goal for anyone.
Read this book if you like memoirs, fashion, a hilarious narrative voice, and care deeply about inclusion, activism, and/or freedom of gender expression. It's also an excellent text to build a practical and emotional understanding of what it's really like to live as a non-binary person.
What works well is the conversational narrative style, and the use of humor to offset the (very real) trauma and anger. Windust addresses the reader as if they're a good friend, which in turn makes the reader deeply invested in their journey and what they have to say. It helps that, at heart, all they want for themselves (and everyone else) is the joy of self-expression and creativity - an eminently laudable goal for anyone.
Read this book if you like memoirs, fashion, a hilarious narrative voice, and care deeply about inclusion, activism, and/or freedom of gender expression. It's also an excellent text to build a practical and emotional understanding of what it's really like to live as a non-binary person.
August 16, 2023
The best parts of this book were the moments of Jamie's self-reflection and personal anecdotes. They have a very natural writing voice and a fascinating bevy of life experiences, which easily belies their age at publication (early 20s).
My frustrations arose, however, as each situation was universalized and applied to a wholesale "non-binary" life which I struggled more and more to feel included by. Then, most lessons and calls to action amounted to "just be (fill in blank)". I feel this book struggled with scope and focus.
I appreciate the individual experience a lot and would love to read something more purely memoir focused, and would especially appreciate reading Jamie's personal historical reflections through their very unique and multi-faceted lens as they pass through further decades of their life.
My frustrations arose, however, as each situation was universalized and applied to a wholesale "non-binary" life which I struggled more and more to feel included by. Then, most lessons and calls to action amounted to "just be (fill in blank)". I feel this book struggled with scope and focus.
I appreciate the individual experience a lot and would love to read something more purely memoir focused, and would especially appreciate reading Jamie's personal historical reflections through their very unique and multi-faceted lens as they pass through further decades of their life.
October 24, 2020
Jamie is a wonderful and powerful writer. Deftly weaving their personal lived experiences with a wider understanding of non-binary life. While there is a lot to be taken from this book, there are so many beautiful & powerful messages for the non-binary community that need to be seen, heard and shared.
If you’re like me and not non-binary, this book is a gift. It’s a gift that will move you, stop you, and make you do the work to be better at considering how you can support non-binary people.
Much love Jamie. You should be so proud x
If you’re like me and not non-binary, this book is a gift. It’s a gift that will move you, stop you, and make you do the work to be better at considering how you can support non-binary people.
Much love Jamie. You should be so proud x
March 13, 2021
This was an absolute delight to read. Jamie is a truly sensational writer, very thought and feeling provoking which will enable me to make a change and advocate trans and non binary rights.
My favourite part was almost all of it, from navigation of non-binary life, from Jamie coming out to their family to education, work, and not glamourising those experiences at all.
My favourite part was almost all of it, from navigation of non-binary life, from Jamie coming out to their family to education, work, and not glamourising those experiences at all.
August 6, 2021
EVERYBODY read this. It's so engaging, so funny, but so very real about the struggles and pain of queer people and nonbinary people in particular. A vital perspective filled with comfort and calls to action.
January 2, 2025
Loved this - picked it up to read for work (I work in Trans health), and I’m so sorry glad I did. This really helped shape my thinking, and didn’t feel preachy or condescending. It’s not the easiest read, but a vital one.
May 30, 2024
4.5⭐
Almost made me cry, twice. I got this book from the library but kind of want to buy a copy for myself because there are so many things I want to underline
Almost made me cry, twice. I got this book from the library but kind of want to buy a copy for myself because there are so many things I want to underline
June 27, 2021
the book gives an insight into the life of a 22 year old non-binary person. they reflect on life so far and occasionally sums up tips for other non-binary people (those tips seem quite generic). they often write that they can’t speak for everyone, but sometimes it seems like they are writing about some general experience for trans people.
in the beginning, the book calls upon a cis audience, but later on it’s more written to other trans people. however, it also often assumes that said trans reader would be white, thin and able bodied.
the book lacks structure and sometimes it lacks knowledge. Jamie reflects on their own position as a white, thin, able bodied person, but i think they could benefit from having had that reflection a bit longer before publishing the book.
as a disabled non-binary person, i felt like this book was in no way written with someone like me in mind as a potential reader. i think the memoir parts work better than when they are saying general things about what non-binary life is like. but i also think that Jamie has a great deal potential and i look forward to reading their work in the future.
in the beginning, the book calls upon a cis audience, but later on it’s more written to other trans people. however, it also often assumes that said trans reader would be white, thin and able bodied.
the book lacks structure and sometimes it lacks knowledge. Jamie reflects on their own position as a white, thin, able bodied person, but i think they could benefit from having had that reflection a bit longer before publishing the book.
as a disabled non-binary person, i felt like this book was in no way written with someone like me in mind as a potential reader. i think the memoir parts work better than when they are saying general things about what non-binary life is like. but i also think that Jamie has a great deal potential and i look forward to reading their work in the future.
May 3, 2021
I have a lot of mixed feeling about this one. I love that a nonbinary person got to write a memoir that's been so well received! I think someday they'll have some very insightful things to say, however, I'm not sure they're quite there yet. The beginning was engaging, but by the time I had to put it down at 60% it was less so. I've seen some reviewers saying if they were younger than Jamie it'd be more profound and I think that applies to me too. While this wasn't the best read for me, I'm glad it's out there and I look forward to seeing what they come up with in the future.
Thank you to NetGalley and Jessica Kingsley Publishers for providing me with an e-arc in exchange for an honest review.
Thank you to NetGalley and Jessica Kingsley Publishers for providing me with an e-arc in exchange for an honest review.
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