Khamr: The Makings of a Waterslams

by Jamil F. Khan

Khamr: The Makings of a Waterslams is a true story that maps the author’s experience of living with an alcoholic father and the direct conflict of having to perform a Muslim life that taught him that nearly everything he called home was forbidden. A detailed account from his childhood to early adulthood, Jamil F. Khan lays bare the experience of living in a so-called middle-class Coloured home in a neighbourhood called Bernadino Heights in Kraaifontein, a suburb to the north of Cape Town. His memories are overwhelmed by the constant discord that was created by the chaos and dysfunction of his alcoholic home and a co-dependent relationship with his mother, while trying to manage the daily routine of his parents’ keeping up appearances and him maintaining scholastic excellence. Khan’s memories are clear and detailed, which in turn is complemented by his scholarly thinking and analysis of those memories. He interrogates the intersections of Islam, Colouredness and the hypocrisy of respectability as well as the effect perceived class status has on these social realities in simple yet incisive language, giving the reader more than just a memoir of pain and suffering. Khan says about his debut book: ‘This is not a story for the romanticisation of pain and perseverance, although it tells of overcoming many difficulties. It is a critique of secret violence in faith communities and families, and the hypocrisy that has damaged so many people still looking for a place and way to voice their trauma. This is a critique of the value placed on ritual and culture at the expense of human life and well-being, and the far-reaching consequences of systems of oppression dressed up as tradition.’

185 pages, Kindle Edition

First published April 1, 2020

Reviews

[b.khatiebgmail.com · Rating 5 out of 5]

Controversial and I loved it

I've followed Jamil on Twitter for a while and when I heard he had written a book I knew I had to read it. Jamil, being very opinionated on Twitter, was comparable in his book. This book is definitely not for the closed minded. It's about a Gay, Coloured male's experience in life and his reflections on how it formed him into the person he is today.
There's something in this book many people could relate to, if you let yourself. The part I related to the most was living the "wat sallie mense se" lifestyle - reading this book ascertains how completely futile that is.
Great read!

[Julia · Rating 4 out of 5]

i love to learn, so i enjoy biographies and memoirs. it puts you in other people's shoes.

the author shares his life, growing up in the muslim community and being gay. he grew up with an alcoholic father. it is an honest account of how he experienced life with all its challenges.

it was a very interesting read and i recommend this book.

[Andy – And The Plot Thickens · Rating 4 out of 5]

"It is radical to say 'I count' in a world that constantly reminds you of your worthlessness. It is subversive to look at the systems of oppression that prop up that world and to insist 'I am here.' And when, to terrify you into silence, the ultimate counter-revolutionary cudgel 'What will people say' is dragged out to say 'I don't give a fuck. This is my story, and everyone will hear it.'"

Jamil F Khan doesn't shy away from speaking his truth, in this important and powerful memoir. He takes up space, the way the marginalised often can't. He turns his body, as he writes, into a weapon of choice. But, it wasn't always like this.

'Khamr' refers to alcohol, something that is forbidden in Islam. 'Waterslams' refers to Muslims who use alcohol, someone "diluted not only in practice but also faith." Khan grew up in a Muslim household, with an alcoholic father, a man sees by Khan as a "ruler and controller". While Khan is close to his mother (they were the best of friends, he writes) he hides his truth from her, not knowing how she would react. It's also a relationship that's co-dependent, which isn't always healthy. His mother, too, drank when Khan was younger, though she gives this up, a choice that helps to make Khan feel safer.

Khan only comes out as queer after his childhood is over, but he knows he is different from an early age. "I was always aware of my sexuality. I am not sure whether I had the language for it, but I knew I was not going to grow up to live the lives I saw around me. More importantly, I knew it was forbidden." Even now, because of his religious upbringing, he sometimes feels "pressured" to hide his sexuality.

Khan writes about many things: how some Coloured people are urged to assimilate into whiteness; the weight of intergenerational trauma; the violence (often through language) experienced by queer bodies; and the power structures that enforce heteronormativity. I'm tempted to call this book a kind of bildungsroman or coming of age story, which in part it is. But, more accurately, it's a story of coming into personhood, of how you cannot be accepted until you accept yourself.

Raw, tender and sensitive, this book will upend your world, before remaking it. Khan's every word is powerful and imbued with meaning. A stunning memoir.

[Gorata · Rating 5 out of 5]

This memoir was a really good read. Knowing of the author’s role as a researcher, I was worried slightly that it might contain a lot of academic jargon, but I was pleasantly surprised by its readability. The most significant aspects for me were the humanising lens with which the author approached the actors in his life, as well as how he shed light on alcohol addiction and Coloured identity. The element of introspection shone throughout the narrative making it an honest, vulnerable and relatable read. It gave me a lot to think about and gave me insight on contexts I didn’t know much about.

[Sipho Lukhele · Rating 5 out of 5]

Jamil's relationship challenges with his dad is something I could relate to and articulated this thoughts beautifully in this book. Learned a lot about Muslim religion and it's complexities. Highly recommend this book and happy for his academic achievements.

[Regaugetswe Maroo · Rating 5 out of 5]

Khamr: The Makings of a Waterslams is a thought provoking memoir that takes readers on a journey of the author’s childhood and early adulthood. The author highlights his experience of growing up in a dysfunctional Muslim family which consisted of an alcoholic father, his mother trapped in a loveless marriage and a rebellious sister. The author also highlights his experience of living in a so called Middle- class neighbourhood called Bernardino Heights in Kraaifontein, Cape Town.

The author writes about the different themes that have shaped his life. These themes include: racism, whiteness, colourdness, identity, religion, class, generational trauma, addiction, and heteronormative patriarchy.

This memoir is thought provoking as it encourages the reader to question religion and it’s ability to promote peace and acceptance to humanity. What I liked about the book was the fact that the author encourages each and everyone in the book to live their lives without conforming to societal pressures.

[Olwethu Leshabane · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is a brilliantly written memoir by Jamil.
Jamil takes on a journey into his world as a queer young person growing up in South Africa - they takes us through the divides, within their world and in the external world - the greater South Africa.
The book really had me thinking into the ways I was raised and the biases created around me and that I have created within myself in formulating what the world is and how it should receive me.
Jamil takes us on the journey of being a child from Kraaifontein in the Western Cape to being outed before he could express his queerness.
They beautifully tell the story of the everyday middle class non-white South African family, well off enough to be suburban but just a pay check or two away from poverty.

[Thato Lesolle · Rating 5 out of 5]

Jamil really gave an new insight into a wolrd that is hardly spoken of in public. I really did it think I would relate so much to the things that were written about but so much of faith and family dynamics hit close to home. If anyone out there is did not grow up in the Zion Christian Church says they did not relate would be lying. Thank yoy for opening up Jamil.

[Gloria Britain]

Enjoyed the balance of day-to-day accounts and the insights and reflection of the meaning of these experiences. So relatable! I so remember "stealing" my father's car and nipping out for a joy ride.
Bravo for brining us so intimately into your family and of course your life.

[Tshepo · Rating 4 out of 5]

A wonderful read. So well placed across times and eras. Yes there is trauma, but also little triumphs along the way.

[Letlhogonolo Mokgoroane · Rating 5 out of 5]

‘We deserve every chance to be remembered’ ⁣⁣ ⁣⁣

This is how Jamil decides to end the start the end of his book, as if you let people know that memory work for queer people is important work. Jamil’s memoir speaks loudly into the queer archival silence. ⁣⁣
⁣⁣
This book is a socio-political memoir written with uncompromising honesty and searing vulnerability. I often felt that Jamil reflecting on his life was tough on himself. This toughness resonates with me as someone who identifies as queer.

I think ⁣⁣ as queer people, we tend to be tough in order to ensure that we are ready for whatever the world has in store for us. The world for Black queer people remains hostile. ⁣⁣
⁣⁣
Khan examines critically his childhood marred with substance abuse that often lead to emotional abuse. It made me think about love and abuse and what bell hooks says about the two not being able to exist together. What does love look like in our context, can we hold our histories now without intellectualise them? At its core, Khan asks this questions in this book.⁣⁣
⁣⁣
Khan through the title and the telling of his life story reflects on Islam and Colouredness. The interwoven conversation about religion and race was fascinating as it largely a conversation that happens in small circles. Khan encourages us to begin to reckon with our violate history, and to begin to tell the truth about the making of our lives. Through his race work, he speaks about how race has been weaponised against Black people to separate us. ⁣⁣
⁣⁣
In wrestling with religion, Khan beckons with homosexuality and it’s reality in his life. He begins a process of becoming affirming his humanity. This process in many ways has allowed Khan to birthed this offering. ⁣⁣
⁣⁣
It is my hope that this book will reignite important conversations about family, belonging, becoming and oppressive structures and how we can dismantling them. That we can hold difficult conversation in love.⁣⁣
⁣⁣
The writing in this book is exquisite. The prose jumps off the pages like music to the ears. It is written with deliberate care. The book will save lives.

[Alex Rogers · Rating 2 out of 5]

I quite enjoyed the read, an interesting insight into his life and circumstances. I empathised with his stories of growing up with alcoholic parents, remote father & codependent mother, and some of the stigma attaching to being alcoholic in a Muslim community. It was also an interesting view on growing up on the Cape Flats, so close to the Cape Town I know, and yet totally unknown to me.

But... not THAT interesting. The blurb and endorsements to the book claim it as a seminal work of queer SA literature - and that feels like a real stretch. Khan writes very well and the book flows / is cohesive - but lacks depth. My overall impression is of a quiet, studious mummy's boy living in considerable advantage compared to all his community - and frankly just the coincidence of being gay and Muslim doesn't make for interesting circumstances, particularly as its not discussed in any depth and he only came out when he had left home and was at university. In many ways his story is unexceptional, even privileged by SA standards, and I was a bit lost at what he was trying to convey in writing the book, other than perhaps a publication for his academic career.

[Nico Barendse · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is an absolute masterpiece!! Jamil has a unique style of writing that is very intelligible yet holds so much depth. He is indeed a great storyteller that leaves you thinking, laughing and wanting more. I didn’t want the book to end, I wished it was a few hundred pages more. We share many similarities in terms of sexuality, race, family dynamics, struggles and experiences. I loved how he can express things which I feel and experience but cannot put into words, not having the language to articulate. The book started taking off after the first 30/40 pages, that’s when I started enjoying it more. I cannot fault this book on much, I just wished it was longer. The book was a way for me to get to know him better after first encountering him on Twitter and being mesmerized by his bold and critical way of writing. This book was a way for me to get to know him better and how he came to his brilliance, but in the process I have learned so much and was able to reflect on my own life too.

[Lorraine · Rating 5 out of 5]

THIS is the content I signed up for as a reader. Writing such as this keeps me excited about reading and most importantly, hopeful because when we are brave and stand in our truth, we harness the conviction to write and speak that truth. ✊🏿

"Khamr The Makings of a Waterslams" was not only a breath of fresh air, the delivery was unexpected for me. I had expected a formal academic discourse filled with citations, but what I received was a magnificently written and honestly delivered life story of becoming into oneself, claiming one's space in a world where any body different is erased and silenced

With a POWER-FILLED foreword from @monaeltahaway of #sevennecessarysinsforwomenandgirls and no less than five shoutouts from @bobbiboswell
@mr_mokgoroane @lebomashile #rafiekmammon @nadinekellydirks

A necessary read from one of the most important voices to have come out of our country. Thank you @jamilfarouk for opening up and trusting us with your story.

[Cassey · Rating 5 out of 5]

There is something about reading someone's story that has you reflecting on yours...and here Khan does it in a way that never takes away from his story. This is a read that will have you reflecting on spaces and trauma - especially who gets to take up and deal with their fitting in both. Insightful, thought provoking and a read to take your time with.