“Your fear is boring. I can say this with all honesty, because I know for a fact that my fear is the most boring thing about me. This is especially true when it comes to living a life of creativity. Fear is boring, because fear only ever has one thing to say to us, and that thing is STOP”. -Elizabeth Gilbert
Determined to change this about myself and dare to live boldly, I decided to turn to a woman who is truly committed to speaking the truth and always showing up as herself- Luvvie Ajayi Jones. A two time New York best selling author, speaker and professional troublemaker. Her latest book ‘The Fear Fighter Manual’ seems to have been written especially for me and is literally a middle finger up to fear. It was comforting to know that not only does she constantly feel fear, she accepts that some degree of it will always remain. Can you imagine she was once afraid to call herself a writer? However, if she allowed it to hold her back, her life would never have changed.She wouldn’t have the prestige & credibility of being a two time New York bestseller. In fact, once she decided not to let fear dictate her life, her wildest dreams started coming true.
The first chapter starts “We are afraid of who we are, in all our glory. We’re constantly searching for that person, or forgetting that person. Or repressing that person. Instead of standing strong in who that person is.” I couldn’t agree more as so far, my life seems to be a constant journey of reinventing myself. Luvvie encourages us to have a strong sense of identity as this will not allow anyone or anything to tell us who we are. She reminds us of our dopeness because we are still here after all, having fought battles and climbed mountains that almost took us out. You can already tell that she feels like a personal cheerleader reminding us that what we can control in this life is our own image of ourselves, and how surely we are worth loving, defending and redeeming.
Having lived a public life and experienced the challenges that come with, I loved the three questions she asks herself when considering the public's opinion:
1. Is this thing hindering my personal growth?
2. Is this thing harming someone else?
3. Is this critique coming from someone who loves and respects me?
If the answer to all of the above is no, she keeps it moving! Why internalize something from someone who certainly doesn’t have your best interests at heart? In fact, Luvvie encourages us to BE TOO MUCH and not apologize for it. “If your TOO MUCHness is not obstructing your personal evolution or actually hurting someone else, stand in it.” After all, no matter what you do, someone somewhere will always think that you are too something.
This book really gives practical tips on how we can conquer our personal fears and allow ourselves to dream big- from someone who actually walked the walk. I especially loved the chapter ‘build a squad’, a welcome reminder that no woman is an island. Those we select to be our chosen family can actually be key guides in life’s journey. We need a strong village to hold us up, in times when we can't. We should trust these people enough to ask for help. Bold women rock with other bold women because we create spaces for each other and affirm identities society is usually so quick to denounce.
Above all, this book is a welcome reminder that the things we must do are far more significant than the things we are afraid to do. We must give ourselves permission to be who we want to be, even if we lack the blueprint.
Maybe WE are supposed to draw the map, so someone who comes behind us wont be lost.
I highly recommend this book if you’re especially passionate about personal growth. I wish you self awareness, that you may discover what is a hindrance to your growth, in order to find solutions for them.