What do you think?
Lemon Moms: A Guide to Understand and Survive Maternal Narcissism
Why you can't please her, why she withholds love and affection, and why nothing you do is good enough. Why you can't win.
A Lemon Mom parents by shaming, blaming, humiliating, manipulating, guilting, and belittling. She has narcissistic traits or have full-blown N arcissistic P ersonality D isorder. She lacks the capacity to bond with or unconditionally love, nurture or accept her children. They grow up feeling “not good enough,” confused, unloved, misunderstood, unimportant, or invisible, and believe that they don’t really matter. They treat themselves accordingly as adults; disliking, ignoring, or neglecting themselves, taking unnecessary risks, being attracted to people who aren't good for them, minimizing themselves so others can feel good, staying in hurtful relationships, putting themselves last, if at all.
Did you grow up in an unpredictable home? Were you preoccupied with your mother? Confused and trying to figure out why she said or did certain things? Did you take her "emotional temperature" and adjust your behavior accordingly? Inconsistency, lack of supervision, no boundaries, and little parental involvement were the norm?
Me too
For as long as I can remember, there was something "different" about my mother. She wasn't like other mothers.
My mom didn't hug or kiss, smile at, spend time with, or play with me. She never seemed happy to see me. She didn't ask about my school day and wasn't interested in knowing my friends. She seemed to have no interest in me or anything that I did.
No boundaries, name-calling, invalidation, neglect
My mom called me hurtful names and obscenities, and at times, she ignored me, not speaking to me for days, weeks, or even months. I was expected to care for my younger siblings and was blamed or punished for their misbehavior.
I was not allowed to express feelings, ask questions, or show initiative or curiosity. My feelings were discounted, minimized, or invalidated. She re-wrote my memories, and I was expected to believe her version. I was to obey, stay quiet, not question.
There's an unspoken rule in this type of don't talk, don't trust, don't feel.
If this sounds familiar, you are not alone. If there's manipulation, power struggles, or cruelty in your relationship, this book can help. If you second-guess your memory, doubt your judgment or sanity, or continually seek your mother's withheld affection, attention, or approval, this book can explain why.
Her behavior isn't caused by any shortcomings within yourself. There is nothing— and there never was —anything wrong with you. You are lovable, and you matter.
You can't change your mother, but you can change your thoughts, behavior, and, most importantly, how you interact with her . When you apply this understanding along with the tools in this book, your relationship can change.
This book helps you reconcile past relational trauma and move you forward even while your mother feels no accountability or responsibility for her hurtful actions. As you update your historical view of yourself, changes begin.
Until now, you had two live on her terms (focusing on her, chasing after her withheld acceptance) or go "no contact." I suggest you have a third decode the hurtful behavior, take back your power, and move
What's stopping you? Scroll up and get this book now!
A Lemon Mom parents by shaming, blaming, humiliating, manipulating, guilting, and belittling. She has narcissistic traits or have full-blown N arcissistic P ersonality D isorder. She lacks the capacity to bond with or unconditionally love, nurture or accept her children. They grow up feeling “not good enough,” confused, unloved, misunderstood, unimportant, or invisible, and believe that they don’t really matter. They treat themselves accordingly as adults; disliking, ignoring, or neglecting themselves, taking unnecessary risks, being attracted to people who aren't good for them, minimizing themselves so others can feel good, staying in hurtful relationships, putting themselves last, if at all.
Did you grow up in an unpredictable home? Were you preoccupied with your mother? Confused and trying to figure out why she said or did certain things? Did you take her "emotional temperature" and adjust your behavior accordingly? Inconsistency, lack of supervision, no boundaries, and little parental involvement were the norm?
Me too
For as long as I can remember, there was something "different" about my mother. She wasn't like other mothers.
My mom didn't hug or kiss, smile at, spend time with, or play with me. She never seemed happy to see me. She didn't ask about my school day and wasn't interested in knowing my friends. She seemed to have no interest in me or anything that I did.
No boundaries, name-calling, invalidation, neglect
My mom called me hurtful names and obscenities, and at times, she ignored me, not speaking to me for days, weeks, or even months. I was expected to care for my younger siblings and was blamed or punished for their misbehavior.
I was not allowed to express feelings, ask questions, or show initiative or curiosity. My feelings were discounted, minimized, or invalidated. She re-wrote my memories, and I was expected to believe her version. I was to obey, stay quiet, not question.
There's an unspoken rule in this type of don't talk, don't trust, don't feel.
If this sounds familiar, you are not alone. If there's manipulation, power struggles, or cruelty in your relationship, this book can help. If you second-guess your memory, doubt your judgment or sanity, or continually seek your mother's withheld affection, attention, or approval, this book can explain why.
Her behavior isn't caused by any shortcomings within yourself. There is nothing— and there never was —anything wrong with you. You are lovable, and you matter.
You can't change your mother, but you can change your thoughts, behavior, and, most importantly, how you interact with her . When you apply this understanding along with the tools in this book, your relationship can change.
This book helps you reconcile past relational trauma and move you forward even while your mother feels no accountability or responsibility for her hurtful actions. As you update your historical view of yourself, changes begin.
Until now, you had two live on her terms (focusing on her, chasing after her withheld acceptance) or go "no contact." I suggest you have a third decode the hurtful behavior, take back your power, and move
What's stopping you? Scroll up and get this book now!
308 pages, Paperback
Published August 13, 2020
About the author
Diane Metcalf
10 books9 followersDiane Metcalf is an experienced advocate, speaker, and writer on the topics of domestic violence, abuse, and family dysfunction. Currently, she writes about toxic relationships and recovery tools on her blog, “The Toolbox” (http://toolbox.dianemetcalf.com/). Diane holds a Bachelor of Arts degree in Psychology and has worked in numerous fields, including domestic violence and abuse.
As a result of growing up in a dysfunctional home, and with the help of professional therapists and continued personal growth, she has developed strong coping skills and healing strategies.
This book is a compilation resulting from her education, knowledge, and personal insight regarding her own traumatic experiences and subsequent recovery work. She happily shares those insights with others who want to learn and recover.
This book is intended for informational purposes only and is not a substitute for professional therapy.
I'd love to hear from you!
Reedsy: https://reedsy.com/discovery/user/dia...
Twitter: https://twitter.com/MetcalfDiane
Website: http://DianeMetcalf.com
Blog: http://Toolbox.DianeMetcalf.com
Pinterest: https://pinterest.com/ToxicUndo/
Instagram: https://instagram.com/ToxicUndo
Facebook: https://facebook.com/ToxicUndo/
Email:Diane@DianeMetcalf.com
As a result of growing up in a dysfunctional home, and with the help of professional therapists and continued personal growth, she has developed strong coping skills and healing strategies.
This book is a compilation resulting from her education, knowledge, and personal insight regarding her own traumatic experiences and subsequent recovery work. She happily shares those insights with others who want to learn and recover.
This book is intended for informational purposes only and is not a substitute for professional therapy.
I'd love to hear from you!
Reedsy: https://reedsy.com/discovery/user/dia...
Twitter: https://twitter.com/MetcalfDiane
Website: http://DianeMetcalf.com
Blog: http://Toolbox.DianeMetcalf.com
Pinterest: https://pinterest.com/ToxicUndo/
Instagram: https://instagram.com/ToxicUndo
Facebook: https://facebook.com/ToxicUndo/
Email:Diane@DianeMetcalf.com
Ratings & Reviews
Friends & Following
Create a free account to discover what your friends think of this book!
Community Reviews
Displaying 1 - 9 of 9 reviews
Currently Reading
September 17, 2020If you had a kind, caring, loving mother, I'm truly happy for you! Some of us didn't, and for those of us in that group with me, I wrote "Lemon Moms: A Guide to Understand and Survive Maternal Narcissism."
As an adult, I gradually sought to recover from my lingering dissociation and C-PTSD through a variety of modalities, professional and self-help alike. It took a long time, traversing uncertain, uncharted territory. Back then, there was no such thing as "narcissistic abuse syndrome," or Complex PTSD, and we didn't know how adverse childhood experiences affected us as adults. It was an arduous and at some points, redundant journey. Luckily for us, today we have trauma specialists and C-PTSD therapists who know exactly what the signs and symptoms are, and what to do.
Since writing the book, I've come to believe that we are never done with active healing- there's never a point in time where we can say "All done! I did it!" And that's because we're alive...we get hurt, triggered, and traumatized routinely. So, healing ourselves becomes a life-long journey. Somewhere along the way, healing morphs into a type of "self-care." And because we've finally learned to trust and value ourselves, we just do it.
I've been told that Lemon Moms is one of the most comprehensive books about Maternal Narcissism out there, and that makes me happy because that was my intention. I wanted to talk about narcissism in general, but then to go deeper, discussing it from the perspective of someone who has been affected in a myriad of ways by another person's narcissism, and how I dealt with and healed from those effects.
It took two years to write "Lemon Moms" because it was draining emotionally, and I needed frequent breaks. I also had doubts about it being good enough to publish, and I was uncomfortable with the idea of putting myself in such a vulnerable position. After a time of introspection, I realized that for me, being willing to stand in my truth, feeling vulnerable yet still telling the secrets, was a huge indication of the depth of my own healing. Publishing was freeing. It was validating. The feedback has been amazingly positive, and I'm connecting with great people whom I would not have met otherwise.
If you read "Lemon Moms: A Guide to Understand and Survive Maternal Narcissism," I'd truly love to hear what you think of it. DM me anytime!
As an adult, I gradually sought to recover from my lingering dissociation and C-PTSD through a variety of modalities, professional and self-help alike. It took a long time, traversing uncertain, uncharted territory. Back then, there was no such thing as "narcissistic abuse syndrome," or Complex PTSD, and we didn't know how adverse childhood experiences affected us as adults. It was an arduous and at some points, redundant journey. Luckily for us, today we have trauma specialists and C-PTSD therapists who know exactly what the signs and symptoms are, and what to do.
Since writing the book, I've come to believe that we are never done with active healing- there's never a point in time where we can say "All done! I did it!" And that's because we're alive...we get hurt, triggered, and traumatized routinely. So, healing ourselves becomes a life-long journey. Somewhere along the way, healing morphs into a type of "self-care." And because we've finally learned to trust and value ourselves, we just do it.
I've been told that Lemon Moms is one of the most comprehensive books about Maternal Narcissism out there, and that makes me happy because that was my intention. I wanted to talk about narcissism in general, but then to go deeper, discussing it from the perspective of someone who has been affected in a myriad of ways by another person's narcissism, and how I dealt with and healed from those effects.
It took two years to write "Lemon Moms" because it was draining emotionally, and I needed frequent breaks. I also had doubts about it being good enough to publish, and I was uncomfortable with the idea of putting myself in such a vulnerable position. After a time of introspection, I realized that for me, being willing to stand in my truth, feeling vulnerable yet still telling the secrets, was a huge indication of the depth of my own healing. Publishing was freeing. It was validating. The feedback has been amazingly positive, and I'm connecting with great people whom I would not have met otherwise.
If you read "Lemon Moms: A Guide to Understand and Survive Maternal Narcissism," I'd truly love to hear what you think of it. DM me anytime!
May 11, 2022
Third eye is wide open!
August 19, 2023
Only thirteen % in and there are so many misconceptions and utter outdated and wrong information, that it's hard to keep on.
It's not even a good base for being introduced to narcissism, due to the amount of what is just totally wrong and misconceited.
There is some base in son science, but only to prop up the misconceptions of the writer.
Guess she needs this way of seeing it, due to unresolved trauma, age and lack of knowledge.
Continued on to 16% page 47, and she bables on with her own take on how narcissism develops in the child, and it seems quite unreflected and full of air and assumptions and guessing..
I am officially giving up.
I have not time to give and no effort I am willing to sacrifice.
This book is not good for anyone trying to learn about narcissism, it's too misleading.
Go Shahida Arabi instead if you want to read about narcissism.
It's not even a good base for being introduced to narcissism, due to the amount of what is just totally wrong and misconceited.
There is some base in son science, but only to prop up the misconceptions of the writer.
Guess she needs this way of seeing it, due to unresolved trauma, age and lack of knowledge.
Continued on to 16% page 47, and she bables on with her own take on how narcissism develops in the child, and it seems quite unreflected and full of air and assumptions and guessing..
I am officially giving up.
I have not time to give and no effort I am willing to sacrifice.
This book is not good for anyone trying to learn about narcissism, it's too misleading.
Go Shahida Arabi instead if you want to read about narcissism.
July 4, 2024
As an only daughter of a narcissistic mother, this book (and companion workbook) was a very eye-opening, painful, but all the more empowering and needed read. Specifically chapters 16/17 and onward from there really made me dig deep into my thoughts and how they were connected to my childhood self/the trauma I endured. It made me realize just how much I was gaslighting myself and giving in to codependency on a daily basis, as well as how necessary it was for me to start to let go of certain beliefs/feelings I had that were not serving me any good. No more! I want to keep getting stronger and emotionally healthier!
Thank you to the author for such a well-made book/workbook, and I highly suggest those who believe they are dealing with the emotional consequences of having a narcissistic mother grab this book set off Amazon!
Thank you to the author for such a well-made book/workbook, and I highly suggest those who believe they are dealing with the emotional consequences of having a narcissistic mother grab this book set off Amazon!
March 16, 2023
Best Book I’ve read on maternal narcissism so far
The author gives you insights, information, a whole array of tools and options. Most books tell you to go no contact, as if that was the only option, Diane gives solid advice and tools so you can still see your mom, without letting her crush you. The only thing it lacks is advice on how to deal when you have kids who have contact with your narcissistic mother, and don’t quite get what’s going on. Still I used what I learned to teach them to navigate their relationship with their grandparents so they won’t get hurt like I did.
In a few words: GET THIS BOOK. It is not repetitive. It is full of understanding and most important, it WILL HELP YOU.
The author gives you insights, information, a whole array of tools and options. Most books tell you to go no contact, as if that was the only option, Diane gives solid advice and tools so you can still see your mom, without letting her crush you. The only thing it lacks is advice on how to deal when you have kids who have contact with your narcissistic mother, and don’t quite get what’s going on. Still I used what I learned to teach them to navigate their relationship with their grandparents so they won’t get hurt like I did.
In a few words: GET THIS BOOK. It is not repetitive. It is full of understanding and most important, it WILL HELP YOU.
December 30, 2022
I was looking for something else when I stumbled across this book. On one hand, it felt like I'd already heard everything in here before, but on the other hand, I guess I'd never heard anyone else describe so many familiar crazy-making experiences before. It's like I simultaneously, contradictorily believed both that all of my experiences were completely normal AND that they were unique to my family and no one else ever had any such thing.
Overall, this was mostly a depressing read, but it was validating to realize that I'm not alone and there are names for these phenomena.
Overall, this was mostly a depressing read, but it was validating to realize that I'm not alone and there are names for these phenomena.
March 19, 2023
Sometimes it's hard to get outside of a personal situation to see it from another perspective, which is what Diane Metcalf does in her book. She holds up her mother as an example of a narcissistic mother like a mirror: what do you see here?
While I don't see my own relationship with my mother reflected, I did gain valuable perspective about the tricky road I've been navigating around her lately. I am now able to see things with a little more distance and grace than I had been, and I'm grateful for that. I'm sure I wouldn't have gained that outlook without Diane Metcalf's book.
Her experiences growing up were terrible, abusive, and left scars; thankfully, Metcalf was able to get therapy and shares what she learned with us. Her book is cautionary, motivating, and enlightening, all at the same time.
She spends ample time on setting boundaries, but that's something covered in other books. I do wish she'd examined the guilt of estrangement, which isn't. And sometimes, separating oneself from a difficult situation is the only way to exist alongside it.
If your relationship with your mother challenges you, you'll find help here. It might not all align with your situation, but there's enough here that you'll benefit from reading "Lemon Moms."
While I don't see my own relationship with my mother reflected, I did gain valuable perspective about the tricky road I've been navigating around her lately. I am now able to see things with a little more distance and grace than I had been, and I'm grateful for that. I'm sure I wouldn't have gained that outlook without Diane Metcalf's book.
Her experiences growing up were terrible, abusive, and left scars; thankfully, Metcalf was able to get therapy and shares what she learned with us. Her book is cautionary, motivating, and enlightening, all at the same time.
She spends ample time on setting boundaries, but that's something covered in other books. I do wish she'd examined the guilt of estrangement, which isn't. And sometimes, separating oneself from a difficult situation is the only way to exist alongside it.
If your relationship with your mother challenges you, you'll find help here. It might not all align with your situation, but there's enough here that you'll benefit from reading "Lemon Moms."
October 21, 2022
Good read 📚
This is a good book with explanations, info on where she got her research, how to heal or start healing- a good read on the subject
This is a good book with explanations, info on where she got her research, how to heal or start healing- a good read on the subject
November 9, 2020
Why
It was ok. Tere were slot of technical words used in the book. It would of been easier to read if there weren't.
It was ok. Tere were slot of technical words used in the book. It would of been easier to read if there weren't.
Displaying 1 - 9 of 9 reviews