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Welcome to Nowhere
A little revenge never hurt anybody...When a gambling debt puts him between a rock and a swim in the Hudson with concrete shoes, Smithy has no choice but to take the worst job imaginable. The gig – as prey in leprechaun hunt for a bunch of Wallstreet jerks – goes as badly as it sounds. He could leave it there and write it off as a harsh lesson learned, but fourteen months later when Smithy comes up with a plan to take his revenge on the man behind it all, it is too good to resist.
What is it they say about best-laid plans? Instead of teaching his nemesis, Louis, a valuable lesson, Smithy ends up saving him from an assassin. From there, Smithy and his friend Diller are dragged into his opponent’s messed-up world. Louis is part of ‘the Collectors’ a group with way more money than sense dedicated to the competitive acquisition of truly one-of-a-kind items that define the secret history of the world.
When one of the group’s members loses his marbles, Smithy and Diller find themselves shanghaied to Nowhere. A well-named location in the middle of the desert, where a madman is trying to build an army from the worst of mankind.
Welcome to Nowhere is a wild ride from the author renowned for the darkly comic thrills of The Dublin Trilogy series and the McGarry Stateside books. It is a standalone novel that is a perfect introduction to McDonnell’s blend of comedy and compelling story that is earning him a growing legion of loyal fans.
What is it they say about best-laid plans? Instead of teaching his nemesis, Louis, a valuable lesson, Smithy ends up saving him from an assassin. From there, Smithy and his friend Diller are dragged into his opponent’s messed-up world. Louis is part of ‘the Collectors’ a group with way more money than sense dedicated to the competitive acquisition of truly one-of-a-kind items that define the secret history of the world.
When one of the group’s members loses his marbles, Smithy and Diller find themselves shanghaied to Nowhere. A well-named location in the middle of the desert, where a madman is trying to build an army from the worst of mankind.
Welcome to Nowhere is a wild ride from the author renowned for the darkly comic thrills of The Dublin Trilogy series and the McGarry Stateside books. It is a standalone novel that is a perfect introduction to McDonnell’s blend of comedy and compelling story that is earning him a growing legion of loyal fans.
278 pages, Kindle Edition
First published August 18, 2020
752 people are currently reading
579 people want to read
About the author
Caimh McDonnell
41 books1,719 followersIrishman Caimh McDonnell is a former professional stand-up comedian and TV writer who now concentrates all of his energies on his books. Born in Limerick and raised in Dublin, he has taken the hop across the water and calls Manchester his home.
His TV writing work has seen him work on some of the biggest topical comedy shows on British TV and has earned him a BAFTA nomination. These days he can be found happily writing his next book in the office in the back garden, with only his dog and his imagination for company.
His book 'I Have Sinned' was shortlisted for the Kindle Storyteller Award 2019. Previously, his debut novel 'A Man With One of Those Faces' was nominated for best novel at the 2017 CAP awards.
His TV writing work has seen him work on some of the biggest topical comedy shows on British TV and has earned him a BAFTA nomination. These days he can be found happily writing his next book in the office in the back garden, with only his dog and his imagination for company.
His book 'I Have Sinned' was shortlisted for the Kindle Storyteller Award 2019. Previously, his debut novel 'A Man With One of Those Faces' was nominated for best novel at the 2017 CAP awards.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 169 reviews
August 27, 2020
4.5 STARS
Smithy is a dwarf. His gambling debts forces him to take a job as a leprechaun being hunted by rich assholes.
After being screwed, he decided Lou Reed - not the musician - was his nemesis and he needed to pay. With the help of his naive friend Diller, he hatches the perfect revenge.
Needless to say, it didn't work out that way.
Miss Muroe appears on the scene and, reluctantly, Smithy is forced into the messed-up world of rich people who wants to...well, I can't tell you.
What I can tell you is that I live by two codes:
"Don't fight with ugly people, they have nothing to lose."
and
"Don't argue with idiots, they will bring you down to your level and beat you with experience."
If only Smithy could have lived the same way...
Alas, it is Smithy, Diller, Muroe, Wilkins and the Lewinsky dress who must face off against an army of madmen...smack dab in the middle of Nowhere.
This is a fun and zany story, well worth the read for fans of McDonnell and someone like Carl Hiaasen.
Smithy is a dwarf. His gambling debts forces him to take a job as a leprechaun being hunted by rich assholes.
After being screwed, he decided Lou Reed - not the musician - was his nemesis and he needed to pay. With the help of his naive friend Diller, he hatches the perfect revenge.
Needless to say, it didn't work out that way.
Miss Muroe appears on the scene and, reluctantly, Smithy is forced into the messed-up world of rich people who wants to...well, I can't tell you.
What I can tell you is that I live by two codes:
"Don't fight with ugly people, they have nothing to lose."
and
"Don't argue with idiots, they will bring you down to your level and beat you with experience."
If only Smithy could have lived the same way...
Alas, it is Smithy, Diller, Muroe, Wilkins and the Lewinsky dress who must face off against an army of madmen...smack dab in the middle of Nowhere.
This is a fun and zany story, well worth the read for fans of McDonnell and someone like Carl Hiaasen.
August 29, 2020
DNF at 47%. I’ve enjoyed McDonnell’s previous books and short stories, but not this one. I tried, really tried, to get into this book. I’m just not in the mood for ridiculous shenanigans.
December 13, 2021
Give a man a fish, as the old proverb goes, and he'll eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he'll etc and so on.
In much the same way, give a writer his own shed and he'll crack on coming up with stories that amuse with characters he loves.
Which is how we end up in Nowhere with Smithy and Diller.
Having met the pair in previous McDonnell books in the company of Bunny, this time around they are flying solo.
Together.
Solo-ish, if you will. Solo-lite.
This time, Smithy is the source of the trouble, as a gambling debt gone wrong leads to Star Wars guns and ninjas and results in an escape from Mad Max-style mayhem with butlers, presidential brains and suspiciously well-connected women.
All of which is a pretty standard day out in Caimh McDonnell Land.
This book is, as fans have come to expect, great fun. But it's also fascinating - especially if you've been reading Caimh's work since the beginning.
Over the past seven books we've been able to watch his writing evolve, from side-splitting jokes held together by a story, to stories with great jokes.
Which is where we find ourselves here.
But this is also the first time Caimh's really branched out. Creating a spin-off series as he explores the world through the eyes of previously minor characters.
This is essentially Better Call Saul meets Frasier, only better. And with with drugged-up loons. And metal dragons.
The story is a loving homage to the Mad Max series, updated and with better characters. Plus Smithy and Diller get to screw things up on their own without Bunny's help.
The whole thing is great fun, with the story taking centre stage and the jokes being more measured, more evenly distributed.
That's not to say it's not funny - far from it. I almost dropped it several times while laughing, but there's more meat on the bones. More tale to tell. And it's a better book for it.
Hopefully we'll get to spend more time with this hapless but loveable pair again real soon.
In much the same way, give a writer his own shed and he'll crack on coming up with stories that amuse with characters he loves.
Which is how we end up in Nowhere with Smithy and Diller.
Having met the pair in previous McDonnell books in the company of Bunny, this time around they are flying solo.
Together.
Solo-ish, if you will. Solo-lite.
This time, Smithy is the source of the trouble, as a gambling debt gone wrong leads to Star Wars guns and ninjas and results in an escape from Mad Max-style mayhem with butlers, presidential brains and suspiciously well-connected women.
All of which is a pretty standard day out in Caimh McDonnell Land.
This book is, as fans have come to expect, great fun. But it's also fascinating - especially if you've been reading Caimh's work since the beginning.
Over the past seven books we've been able to watch his writing evolve, from side-splitting jokes held together by a story, to stories with great jokes.
Which is where we find ourselves here.
But this is also the first time Caimh's really branched out. Creating a spin-off series as he explores the world through the eyes of previously minor characters.
This is essentially Better Call Saul meets Frasier, only better. And with with drugged-up loons. And metal dragons.
The story is a loving homage to the Mad Max series, updated and with better characters. Plus Smithy and Diller get to screw things up on their own without Bunny's help.
The whole thing is great fun, with the story taking centre stage and the jokes being more measured, more evenly distributed.
That's not to say it's not funny - far from it. I almost dropped it several times while laughing, but there's more meat on the bones. More tale to tell. And it's a better book for it.
Hopefully we'll get to spend more time with this hapless but loveable pair again real soon.
August 30, 2020
As usual, Caimh McDonnell's writing is simply brilliant. Real quality entertainment. And a lot of wise thoughts hiddenn beneath the humour. There's only ever one complaint from me: Caimh's books finish too quickly. Fortunately he is quite a prolific writer. As always, can't wait for his next story
August 25, 2020
Funny, unexpected and just the right thing for a pandemic!
I hope I never go to Nowhere but I sure enjoyed Smithy and Diller's trip there. This book was an antidote to the heavy tension in real life. How better to escape a pandemic and the current Presidential craziness than with a good buddy story. I miss Bunny, but the rest of these characters are a reasonable substitute.
I don't think I can say more about the story without adding spoilers, but then , you might not actually believe the plot is I described it. Just read the book, you will be glad you did!
I hope I never go to Nowhere but I sure enjoyed Smithy and Diller's trip there. This book was an antidote to the heavy tension in real life. How better to escape a pandemic and the current Presidential craziness than with a good buddy story. I miss Bunny, but the rest of these characters are a reasonable substitute.
I don't think I can say more about the story without adding spoilers, but then , you might not actually believe the plot is I described it. Just read the book, you will be glad you did!
May 19, 2025
A whacky tale involving a dwarf, a young black man and an overweight, rich, pompous man. Lots of satire on racial slurs. Much between the "midget" and "fatty." One of McDonnell's earlier books. Before his "The Stanger Times," series.
The premise of the book is there is no premise. Lots of made up Tom Foolery. Thought I'd give it a shot since I like "The Stanger Times." I'll try one of McDonnell's early mysteries next. Dubbed "The Dublin Trilogy," though there are many books in that series.
I leaned towards two stars for "Nowhere," but settled on three, because the book is simply outrageous.
The premise of the book is there is no premise. Lots of made up Tom Foolery. Thought I'd give it a shot since I like "The Stanger Times." I'll try one of McDonnell's early mysteries next. Dubbed "The Dublin Trilogy," though there are many books in that series.
I leaned towards two stars for "Nowhere," but settled on three, because the book is simply outrageous.
August 30, 2020
Another great one.........
Another great one from the man with the funny name. This book was a little different from all the other Caimh McDonald books that I have read, and I have read them all. This book like his other books is laugh out loud funny, obviously written by a man with a definite sense of the ridiculous. It's funny, exciting and quite, quite different. The characters are so descriptive and so real it's impossible not to actually see them as you are reading. I can't wait for more Smithy and Diller!I
Thanks for a great one, Caimh
Another great one from the man with the funny name. This book was a little different from all the other Caimh McDonald books that I have read, and I have read them all. This book like his other books is laugh out loud funny, obviously written by a man with a definite sense of the ridiculous. It's funny, exciting and quite, quite different. The characters are so descriptive and so real it's impossible not to actually see them as you are reading. I can't wait for more Smithy and Diller!I
Thanks for a great one, Caimh
September 2, 2020
Great story telling
Another wonderful story filled with adventure, surprise, humor, in depth character development. Every paragraph filled with a painting of words. This book like all others I have read have only one problem...waiting for the next one. I feel like I know everyone in the stories. All characters, not just the main characters, give a sense of importance to everything that happens in the story development.
Another wonderful story filled with adventure, surprise, humor, in depth character development. Every paragraph filled with a painting of words. This book like all others I have read have only one problem...waiting for the next one. I feel like I know everyone in the stories. All characters, not just the main characters, give a sense of importance to everything that happens in the story development.
September 12, 2020
Nowhere is where it's at
Another witheringly witty piece by Caimh McDonnell. This time, we stray into the world of Smithy and Diller, where things happen in a divine fashion. We hear the tale of a renenge plot gone awry and end up in a comedic version of Mad Max's Thunderdome. Here's to hoping the screenplay is in the works.
Another witheringly witty piece by Caimh McDonnell. This time, we stray into the world of Smithy and Diller, where things happen in a divine fashion. We hear the tale of a renenge plot gone awry and end up in a comedic version of Mad Max's Thunderdome. Here's to hoping the screenplay is in the works.
August 26, 2020
What a great read, I love Diller and Smithy they are a great duo.
Smithy is in trouble due to his gambling and takes a bad job to pay it back dressing as a leprechaun and being hunted by some rich idiots. He decides to pay back one of the rich men back by breaking in and scaring him. They end up then in a scenario they didn’t endeavour which is hilarious you gotta read it.
Smithy is in trouble due to his gambling and takes a bad job to pay it back dressing as a leprechaun and being hunted by some rich idiots. He decides to pay back one of the rich men back by breaking in and scaring him. They end up then in a scenario they didn’t endeavour which is hilarious you gotta read it.
August 26, 2020
Brilliant
Another brilliant and hilarious book from this author.love everything from this guy.read everything he has released&have never been anything less than happy.I recommend him to everyone
Another brilliant and hilarious book from this author.love everything from this guy.read everything he has released&have never been anything less than happy.I recommend him to everyone
August 26, 2020
Mesmerising adventure
This is a brilliantly entertaining tale with great dollop of humour and some spectacular twists. As with all Caimh's stories the characters become very real and interesting.
This is a brilliantly entertaining tale with great dollop of humour and some spectacular twists. As with all Caimh's stories the characters become very real and interesting.
August 16, 2020
I received an ARC of this book from the author and this is an honest and voluntary review.
Now, I must admit that I am a long-time fan of Caimh McDonnell. He just hits my funny bone in all the right places. The missus knows I'm reading one of his books because of the laugh-out-loud, smirking/smiling or eye-rolling they produce from/in me. I really hate reviewers saying books are 'not as good as his/her others', because there are so many factors that may occur between reading each so, instead, I'll say if you've enjoyed other stories by this author, you'll have no problem with this one.
I won't go over the story-line because other reviewers no doubt will and, anyway, the blurb gives you an extensive rundown. To avoid any confusion &/or discontent, please read and take note of the Author's Note page immediately before the start of the story.
It's a great romp, very well written and edited, and highly recommended to read as one way of lightening your spirits and day in these rather gloomy times.
Now, I must admit that I am a long-time fan of Caimh McDonnell. He just hits my funny bone in all the right places. The missus knows I'm reading one of his books because of the laugh-out-loud, smirking/smiling or eye-rolling they produce from/in me. I really hate reviewers saying books are 'not as good as his/her others', because there are so many factors that may occur between reading each so, instead, I'll say if you've enjoyed other stories by this author, you'll have no problem with this one.
I won't go over the story-line because other reviewers no doubt will and, anyway, the blurb gives you an extensive rundown. To avoid any confusion &/or discontent, please read and take note of the Author's Note page immediately before the start of the story.
It's a great romp, very well written and edited, and highly recommended to read as one way of lightening your spirits and day in these rather gloomy times.
August 23, 2020
I love this author ❤️
During this strange and depressing year I discovered this hilarious author and have burned through all of his books and am eagerly anticipating the next ones. I’m so grateful to know there are two more in the works. Thank you Mr McDonnell for keeping my sense of humor intact!
During this strange and depressing year I discovered this hilarious author and have burned through all of his books and am eagerly anticipating the next ones. I’m so grateful to know there are two more in the works. Thank you Mr McDonnell for keeping my sense of humor intact!
August 20, 2020
Smithy is back!
I have enjoyed all of Caimh McDonnell 's books and this was no exception. His main characters are the perfect mix of well-intentioned and humanly flawed, and his bad guys are over-the-top crazy. The situations that our heroes find themselves in are delightfully convoluted and their escapes make Mission Impossible look lame. You'll enjoy cheering them on as their wild plots unfold. Settle back for a hilarious and wild ride!
I have enjoyed all of Caimh McDonnell 's books and this was no exception. His main characters are the perfect mix of well-intentioned and humanly flawed, and his bad guys are over-the-top crazy. The situations that our heroes find themselves in are delightfully convoluted and their escapes make Mission Impossible look lame. You'll enjoy cheering them on as their wild plots unfold. Settle back for a hilarious and wild ride!
August 22, 2020
Fun read
As always McDonnell books are witty, filled with wonderfully neurotic weird characters who you fall in love with. I have read everyone of his books and they never fail to make me laugh and chuckle
As always McDonnell books are witty, filled with wonderfully neurotic weird characters who you fall in love with. I have read everyone of his books and they never fail to make me laugh and chuckle
August 19, 2020
It has been a long time since I have read a book in a few hours.... but Caimh has created a grand stand alone vehicle for Diller and Smithy.Great fun a real treat of an addition to the Bunnyverse. Mad Max meets Brooklyn's finest cab driver and passenger's and comes off much to the worse!
The pace is fast, the situations create grand laughs at the expense of some very nasty spoiled brats in a way that keeps you reading on into the small hours of the morning.....
The pace is fast, the situations create grand laughs at the expense of some very nasty spoiled brats in a way that keeps you reading on into the small hours of the morning.....
August 21, 2020
Another winner from the amazing mind of Caimh Mcdonnell
If you’ve not already an avid reader of the Bunny series and the other works he’s published it’s time to begin. You won’t regret it. Begin today!
If you’ve not already an avid reader of the Bunny series and the other works he’s published it’s time to begin. You won’t regret it. Begin today!
August 15, 2020
Wacky, crazy fun!
Thank you for an ARC in exchange for an honest review.
I love all the Dublin Trilogy books by Caimh Mc Donnell, haven't had a chance to read the Stateside series yet. This story was a standalone with two wacky characters, Smithy and Diller. Smithy is slightly vertically challenged with a mildly belligerent disposition. He hasn't got over being made to dress up as a leprechaun to be hunted in a paintball game by some bored rich guys and feels the need to get even. Needless to say his plan for revenge goes fairly wrong.
It is a fun easy to read, hard not laugh out loud kind of book, definitely one i'd recommend!
Thank you for an ARC in exchange for an honest review.
I love all the Dublin Trilogy books by Caimh Mc Donnell, haven't had a chance to read the Stateside series yet. This story was a standalone with two wacky characters, Smithy and Diller. Smithy is slightly vertically challenged with a mildly belligerent disposition. He hasn't got over being made to dress up as a leprechaun to be hunted in a paintball game by some bored rich guys and feels the need to get even. Needless to say his plan for revenge goes fairly wrong.
It is a fun easy to read, hard not laugh out loud kind of book, definitely one i'd recommend!
August 19, 2020
Once again
Caimh delivers funny characters that you can't help rooting for. Smithy's knack for getting into trouble is matched only by Diller's willingness to help him get out (always getting them both into trouble). Loved it.
Caimh delivers funny characters that you can't help rooting for. Smithy's knack for getting into trouble is matched only by Diller's willingness to help him get out (always getting them both into trouble). Loved it.
November 28, 2020
Road to Nowhere
I've read most (possibly all ) of Caimh's books I've possibly over dosed. I didn't love this , it was okay. I'm sure when you read it you'll enjoy it, I find imaging Smithy as Peter Dinklage and Diller as Richard Ayode works for me.
I am looking forward to his new nom de plume of C.K McDonnell as I feel I need a change.
I've read most (possibly all ) of Caimh's books I've possibly over dosed. I didn't love this , it was okay. I'm sure when you read it you'll enjoy it, I find imaging Smithy as Peter Dinklage and Diller as Richard Ayode works for me.
I am looking forward to his new nom de plume of C.K McDonnell as I feel I need a change.
August 30, 2024
2.5 rounded up. was sad to give this a low score. I did like the characters and there are some great lines here as usual but the story was just too silly with not enough to keep my interest and I ended up mostly skim reading the last half of it.
September 5, 2020
I miss Bunny!
October 11, 2023
I like Caimh works and u read most of them. I prefer Bunny books. This one drew me in with its great premise, but the executing wasn't to my liking.
September 15, 2020
Mm well disappointed
I have read all of The author’s books. In the earlier goes, I was willing to forgive the technical errors (grammar, punctuation, and so on) because the stories were so good. This time out, there does not seem to be the usual faux pas, but the story is flat and poorly written. It is as though the author felt obliged to write about Smithy and Diller but struggled to create a worthwhile plot. The characters are too off the wall to be even remotely believable and the plot is worse.
I have read all of The author’s books. In the earlier goes, I was willing to forgive the technical errors (grammar, punctuation, and so on) because the stories were so good. This time out, there does not seem to be the usual faux pas, but the story is flat and poorly written. It is as though the author felt obliged to write about Smithy and Diller but struggled to create a worthwhile plot. The characters are too off the wall to be even remotely believable and the plot is worse.
December 20, 2020
Orangutans and Shitehawks, Oh My!
I never wanted this story to end. If a post apocalyptic poo flinging junkyard primate not named Clyde with a love for '68 Bucks doesn't set the mood for corporate team building exercises, then what will. Packed with wit and pop culture references galore Caimh does not disappoint. As this is part of a greater insane world fret not it can be enjoyed as a stand alone adventure. I must ask why you decided Fozzie Bear deserved the ninja assassin treatment Mr. McDonnell?
I never wanted this story to end. If a post apocalyptic poo flinging junkyard primate not named Clyde with a love for '68 Bucks doesn't set the mood for corporate team building exercises, then what will. Packed with wit and pop culture references galore Caimh does not disappoint. As this is part of a greater insane world fret not it can be enjoyed as a stand alone adventure. I must ask why you decided Fozzie Bear deserved the ninja assassin treatment Mr. McDonnell?
October 8, 2020
This is a hard one to review.
I love the characters of Diller and Smithy so much. I could read about them and their friendship all day. And I thought the backstory on Diller's mom was touching. I look forward to reading more books about these two.
But man, I detested "Nowhere" and its testosterone vexed inhabitants. I know, they are comically atrocious and I'm supposed to hate them. But it was a bit too much.
I love the characters of Diller and Smithy so much. I could read about them and their friendship all day. And I thought the backstory on Diller's mom was touching. I look forward to reading more books about these two.
But man, I detested "Nowhere" and its testosterone vexed inhabitants. I know, they are comically atrocious and I'm supposed to hate them. But it was a bit too much.
April 20, 2024
This was my first read (audiobook) of this author’s works; I was thoroughly entertained! I adored the characters, especially the British “butler”. The storyline steadily descends into a glorious circus of chaos and delivers some of the most hilarious one-liner descriptions I’ve ever heard.
November 7, 2022
This is by far the weakest of all the books I’ve listened to by this author, but they’re all so good that it doesn’t mean it’s bad. Just a little over the top. Still enjoyed it though!
November 22, 2024
4.5 Lots of fun with many crazy shenanigans!
Displaying 1 - 30 of 169 reviews