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Listen, Learn and Love: Embracing LGBTQ Latter-day Saints
Through the power of storytelling, former YSA bishop Richard Ostler brings to life the experiences of LGBTQ Latter-day Saints, fulfilling President M. Russell Ballard’s 2017 challenge to listen to and understand what our LGBTQ brothers and sisters are feeling and experiencing. Richard is supportive of the Church, its leaders, and doctrine.This book is for all Latter-day Saints and is an extension of the Listen, Learn & Love podcast. It brings together hundreds of stories in a comprehensive review of the many topics around being LGBTQ and a Latter-day Saint.By sharing stories, the podcast and book help readers better support LGBTQ members in their unique and often difficult road and better recognize their gifts and contributions in our wards and families.
295 pages, Kindle Edition
Published August 13, 2020
65 people are currently reading
305 people want to read
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 44 reviews
September 2, 2020
Richard Ostler has a talent for uniting people by sharing people’s stories. This book teaches principles of Christlike love, acceptance and inclusion. The principles become engaging and applicable as he shares real stories and suggestions from LGBTQ individuals and their families. This book is an excellent source to gain understanding and empathy for others whose journey may look different than your own.
February 13, 2021
I love this book and recommend it to all members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, of which I am a committed member. The basic concepts are expressed in the title – Listen to the experiences of others, be open to Learning from them, and Love without judgment. I have often been uncomfortable with the church and LGBTQ issues. I was relieved when gay marriage became legal throughout the country and I appreciate the strides that are being made to be more sensitive and inclusive, and to correct past errors. I considered myself pretty forward thinking in this area, but I learned a lot from this book and realize I have more to learn. We all do (about many things) and that is ok, as long as we are willing to listen to other’s experiences and allow them to walk a path different from our own, even different from others in seemingly similar situations. This book discusses many specific topics, and includes varied opinions and comments from LGBTQ members and their families. It is a great resource for church leaders and the general church population. The information is well sourced and I love the hyperlinks in the endnotes.
The concepts can be applied to other issues and situations as well, and I especially appreciate the counsel applied to parenting. Here are a few quotes I really liked, either from the author or from one of the many contributors whose thoughts he includes.
“My job as a parent is to create an environment where my child will know that she is loved and supported and that I will believe her and walk with her while she figures herself out.”
“You are not your child’s Savior….they already have one of those. You are their parent, and your job is to love unconditionally. The saving part is on Jesus.”
“God isn’t asking us to understand everything; we can’t; there is only One who does. He does, however, ask us to love unconditionally and leave the judgment to Him. He does ask us to have compassion for all,…not just for those we can understand.”
“Love with no agenda is the kind of love that keeps friendships and families together.”
The concepts can be applied to other issues and situations as well, and I especially appreciate the counsel applied to parenting. Here are a few quotes I really liked, either from the author or from one of the many contributors whose thoughts he includes.
“My job as a parent is to create an environment where my child will know that she is loved and supported and that I will believe her and walk with her while she figures herself out.”
“You are not your child’s Savior….they already have one of those. You are their parent, and your job is to love unconditionally. The saving part is on Jesus.”
“God isn’t asking us to understand everything; we can’t; there is only One who does. He does, however, ask us to love unconditionally and leave the judgment to Him. He does ask us to have compassion for all,…not just for those we can understand.”
“Love with no agenda is the kind of love that keeps friendships and families together.”
February 17, 2022
A good one to read slowly and spaced over time. Lots of good info and quotes and references in here. I’m not usually a “read the bibliography” type- but in this case I did. From what I hear it’s very similar to his podcast titled the same thing. Lots of personal examples and narratives in each chapter.
November 4, 2021
You can never love too much.
April 25, 2021
Reading this book was a spiritual journey. Every time I picked it up I felt Christ’s love, not only for the people whose stories I listened to, but for everyone all around me. I learned how to better support the journey of my LGBTQ+ brothers and sisters, by listening to their stories. I highly recommend this book to anyone who wants listen, learn and love a little bit more.
April 14, 2021
Richard Ostler synthesizes stories from a broad range of LGBTQ voices, and the message is one of untiy and love. It is so vital right now. I highly recommend this book to any member of the LDS church.
July 14, 2021
This book is filled with stories from members of the LGBTQ+ community (and/or their parents)who either are current members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints or who were raised members. Their stories touched my heart and helped me understand their struggle to balance their love for Christ and the gospel and their identity.
This book does not try to challenge or attack the policies and doctrines of the church, but it does give suggestions for leaders and friends on how to love and minister to those within the LGBTQ+ community. I know that I have much to learn, but I know that love is usually a good place to start.
I think my heart broke and expanded through my time spent reading this book and I highly recommend for anyone, but in particular, those who find themselves serving with the Youth of the church.
Thank you to Cedar Fort for providing a copy of this book. All opinions are my own.
This book does not try to challenge or attack the policies and doctrines of the church, but it does give suggestions for leaders and friends on how to love and minister to those within the LGBTQ+ community. I know that I have much to learn, but I know that love is usually a good place to start.
I think my heart broke and expanded through my time spent reading this book and I highly recommend for anyone, but in particular, those who find themselves serving with the Youth of the church.
Thank you to Cedar Fort for providing a copy of this book. All opinions are my own.
August 2, 2021
This was a hard read. The main message is love. The end. I don’t know that you can ever have too many perspectives when learning about the lives of others, but this kind of borders on that. You can only fit so much into a book as Ostler really crammed quotes/experiences from others in. But overall a really good way to see into the lives of others and hear their thoughts and experiences. It humanizes a group so many people (especially religious people) treat as the “other”. Not really a prescription for how to fix anything or a plan on what to do. More info and official church quotes and real life experiences with the bottom line being just love! You’ll never go wrong. Leave the judging to God and love, support, and make a place for everyone.
February 21, 2024
This book was really eye opening to me as a member of the church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. I think every member should read it, and if necessary, ask God if it’s true. I felt a new love and appreciation for the LGBTQ+ community along with my love for God. I never felt like what was taught in this book was against the church and really helped me learn how the church feels and actually teaches about the LGBTQ+ community, which is different from what some members have said and felt.
January 2, 2021
This is an excellent book that really helped me understand (and therefore be able to love) the LGBTQ community better. I highly recommend to all.
February 25, 2021
Incredible!
November 3, 2020
So grateful for this beautiful book that shares first-hand stories from members and families of LGBTQ Latter-Day-Saints. I have learned so much and hope to go forward with a greater understanding, acceptance and love of all God’s children. I want to Listen, Learn and Love them even more.
August 9, 2021
If you are LDS ... READ THIS BOOK.
Brother Ostler pleads with us as LDS to follow the counsel given by Elder Ballard: "We need to listen to and understand what our LGBT brothers and sisters are feeling and experiencing. Certainly, we must do better than we have done in the past so that all members feel they have a spiritual home where their brothers and sisters love them and where they have a place to worship and serve the Lord."
Bro. O took a number of stories from his Podcast (by the same title) and collected them in this book so that we can LISTEN to our LGBTQ brothers and sisters, LEARN about their experiences and thereby grow to LOVE them.
I feel that it is vital that we as LDS keep up with the latest Church policies and views from our Church leadership. Bro.O shares many quotes from Church leaders to help us understand what the current teachings are concerning LGBTQ members. He spends a great deal of time and energy dispelling myths. There are so many false statements being spread all over the Church by well meaning members. This is mostly done out of fear and ignorance. Once we learn and understand the truth, it is so important to become an Ally and please ... SPREAD THE WORD.
Above all, as disciples of Jesus Christ it is our job to love our neighbor. As Elder Ballard stated we can do better to include all of God's children in our congregations, hearts and homes.
Brother Ostler pleads with us as LDS to follow the counsel given by Elder Ballard: "We need to listen to and understand what our LGBT brothers and sisters are feeling and experiencing. Certainly, we must do better than we have done in the past so that all members feel they have a spiritual home where their brothers and sisters love them and where they have a place to worship and serve the Lord."
Bro. O took a number of stories from his Podcast (by the same title) and collected them in this book so that we can LISTEN to our LGBTQ brothers and sisters, LEARN about their experiences and thereby grow to LOVE them.
I feel that it is vital that we as LDS keep up with the latest Church policies and views from our Church leadership. Bro.O shares many quotes from Church leaders to help us understand what the current teachings are concerning LGBTQ members. He spends a great deal of time and energy dispelling myths. There are so many false statements being spread all over the Church by well meaning members. This is mostly done out of fear and ignorance. Once we learn and understand the truth, it is so important to become an Ally and please ... SPREAD THE WORD.
Above all, as disciples of Jesus Christ it is our job to love our neighbor. As Elder Ballard stated we can do better to include all of God's children in our congregations, hearts and homes.
September 11, 2020
Full disclosure: I was involved in the creation of this book from the outset, and am one of the editors. It is everything I hoped it would be - sharing personal stories, learning Richard's interpretation of the scriptures, and promoting the true love of God for our fellow human beings ... in this case, fellow human beings who happen to be LGBTQ.
For me, chapter 2 is the doctrinal crux of the book and it is breathtaking. I have read it over and over and over, and I am changed because of it.
For me, chapter 2 is the doctrinal crux of the book and it is breathtaking. I have read it over and over and over, and I am changed because of it.
June 6, 2021
This was an easy and emotional read discussing a sensitive subject in the LDS faith. Simple and very powerful. I enjoyed each chapter more along the way and teared up several times. This book was educational, spiritual, and heart wrenching. It dives into the difficulty of bringing together faith and gender identity, etc. in a way that was very muxh needed. Would highly recommend to all.
October 5, 2023
This has absolutely helped me be more compassionate and understanding of my brothers and sisters who have different life experiences than I do. Full of faith promoting examples of how to be more like Christ and love others.
January 22, 2022
Great insights to the hearts and minds of LGBTQ+ individuals who have or had a connection to the LDS community. Furthermore, it leads the way to how we can better respect, love and support them.
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
December 31, 2021
Richard Ostler is a friend and one of my personal heroes. This book is essential reading for all members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saint (and possibly others as well).
Richard is an active member of the Church and is absolutely clear that he supports the current teaching of the Church and in so doing can (and must) be kind, welcoming, and inclusive of LGBTQ+ members (including those estranged or no longer members). Richard teaches with compassion and examples of the real stories of real LGBTQ+ individuals and their family members. He spent months gathering stories, experiences, and thoughts of these incredible individuals and shares them in the book. Also included are lessons Richard has personally learned and quotes from Church leaders as well.
Whether or not we have a family member or friend who is LGBTQ+ this book is invaluable in ministering to others as our Savior would. I highly suggest that ward councils, priesthood, and auxiliary leaders read this book and discuss it together. Other members would also benefit by reading in book clubs or with family and discussing the lessons from the book as well.
Richard is an active member of the Church and is absolutely clear that he supports the current teaching of the Church and in so doing can (and must) be kind, welcoming, and inclusive of LGBTQ+ members (including those estranged or no longer members). Richard teaches with compassion and examples of the real stories of real LGBTQ+ individuals and their family members. He spent months gathering stories, experiences, and thoughts of these incredible individuals and shares them in the book. Also included are lessons Richard has personally learned and quotes from Church leaders as well.
Whether or not we have a family member or friend who is LGBTQ+ this book is invaluable in ministering to others as our Savior would. I highly suggest that ward councils, priesthood, and auxiliary leaders read this book and discuss it together. Other members would also benefit by reading in book clubs or with family and discussing the lessons from the book as well.
June 14, 2022
This is a MUST, MUST read for all members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. This book has such a powerful message of love for all LGBTQ+ members, non-members, and everyone in between. Over the past few years, I have learned a lot about the struggles the LGBTQ+ community face, and I have sought ways to be an ally in all things that I do. However, some of my church's doctrines seemingly conflicted with my efforts to be a total ally. Bishop Ostler does an incredible job of highlighting stories from LGBTQ+ people and their perspectives on different topics within the church. I found powerful ways that I could change so that others can feel more welcome and progress in their discipleship toward Christ that doesn't conflict with my testimony of the restored gospel. While some may not agree with this, I have a firm testimony of the gospel and its doctrines, but believe that there is so much room for improvement among the members of the church. I think that the invitations offered in this book provide excellent ways for us to progress together in a journey of understanding and love.
August 19, 2023
I have been impressed with Richard for quite a long time and how much of a loving person he is. This came through clearly in this book as it does on his podcast and in real life. I find it even in his brother's book "bridges", so Richard must have been raised by loving non-judgmental parents. This book is important within the LDS culture. I hope many read it.
The only negative I have is that I find it sad that Richard has to constantly say, "I support the church leaders and don't tell them what to do." I get it as within the Mormon church the #1 sin is not showing the upmost respect and deference to the top leadership, so it is probably a requirement for Ostler to make progress without being called out by the leadership. To me this does not reflect at all on Richard in any negative way and I respect that his skillfully is walking a line and is help moving that line at the same time.
The only negative I have is that I find it sad that Richard has to constantly say, "I support the church leaders and don't tell them what to do." I get it as within the Mormon church the #1 sin is not showing the upmost respect and deference to the top leadership, so it is probably a requirement for Ostler to make progress without being called out by the leadership. To me this does not reflect at all on Richard in any negative way and I respect that his skillfully is walking a line and is help moving that line at the same time.
February 5, 2021
Ostler makes it clear his intention is to build empathy and connection, and in that purpose he definitely succeeds. I kept jumping between 3 and 4 stars because much of the material here is short snippets of feedback from various sources/responses that Ostler has collected online or in interviews. This is totally fine, but I wondered if I would’ve been disappointed with somewhat repetitive material if I had paid for the book when much of this same experience can come from listening to his podcast. Because of the possible impact the text could have on helping readers make connections with and build empathy for the LGBTQ+ community, I’m keeping it at 4 stars.
February 20, 2024
Absolutely loved this book which provides a starting point for members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints who want to develop a better understanding and love for our LGBTQ brothers and sisters. By listening to their stories, we learn new things, think new thoughts, form new opinions, and love more authentically. For members and ecclesiastical leaders as well. Richard Ostle has devoted a large part of his life to doibng what he can to build bridges in this space with multiple books and a prolific podcast that is changing lives.
January 2, 2023
I love Richard Ostler and am grateful for the time he took to compile the lived experiences of LGTBQ Latter-Day Saints and their families. I loved that I knew many of the parents from facebook groups and for the many, many experiences we have had in learning to shed our incorrect beliefs about the LGBTQ community. Our Heavenly Parents are teaching us to be better earthly parents even when it contradicts cultural norms.
December 20, 2020
I learned so much from reading this book. I love the way the book is organized with chapters like False Statements about Why People are LGBTQ and False Statements about What they Should Do. For each section he offers multiple first-hand perspectives from LGBTQ members. People's personal stories and also the stories of parents of LGBTQ individuals were so powerful.
February 25, 2021
Required reading
This is the best book I’ve read bridging the non-LGBTQ world with understanding the LGBTQ world, especially in regards to membership in the LDS church. All leaders, youth leaders, parents, jabs members who want to understand and love more fully should read this book.
This is the best book I’ve read bridging the non-LGBTQ world with understanding the LGBTQ world, especially in regards to membership in the LDS church. All leaders, youth leaders, parents, jabs members who want to understand and love more fully should read this book.
April 1, 2021
This book was not an easy read for me. Some things that were said I agreed with, others I didn't. I had things I thought I knew challenged. I think the most powerful part of this book was the many personal stories and insights that gave me perspective on the thoughts and feelings of lgbtq individuals.
September 29, 2021
A wealth of stories and perspectives from LGBTQ Latter-day Saints and their loved ones. I came away amazed at the spiritual strength and deep love of these people. I don't agree with everything they say, and they don't always agree with each other, but I learned a lot and better appreciate different paths.
November 26, 2024
Every Latter-day Saint should read this and adopt its empathetic mindset towards our LGBTQ brothers and sisters. Warning- some of it can be very emotionally heavy. This book still manages to have an uplifting message despite the difficult subject matter. It made me grateful for the Savior’s love and the gospel’s message of hope and healing.
January 18, 2021
I cannot praise this book highly enough. It is everything I as a mother wanted and needed. I am strengthened and fortified and hopeful for the future. If we would all as a Church take to heart the things in this book, we could make such a difference.
August 29, 2021
This book or something like it should probably be required reading for anyone in the Church. The LGBTQ community has long been marginalized and misunderstood, especially in LDS culture. The title of the book is perfect. Listen, learn, and love.
Displaying 1 - 30 of 44 reviews