The Bond

by A.M. Grotticelli

" The Bond " is a powerful memoir that chronicles the strength of the relationships formed among a collection of unrelated siblings who forged a remarkable, separate, and permanent family within a foster home.
Kirkus.com calls "A poignant, infuriating, informative, and ultimately triumphant account of an unusual clan."
BookLife.com "Grotticelli's unsparing honesty about his birth and foster families will make readers wince and keep them marveling at the indomitability of these children. That the foster siblings were able to forge familial bonds with each other is extraordinary."
OnlineBookClub.com "This is a book about real people, real lives and real feelings. It is the story of their triumph over adversity and their struggle to find the kind of family love that many of us take for granted."
Angelo M. Grotticelli is a veteran technology journalist. This is his first book.

Genres: Nonfiction

234 pages, Paperback

Published December 1, 2020

Reviews

[Louise Gray · Rating 3 out of 5]

There are many accounts of children’s experience in “the system” but this brings light to a real and often understated aspect of how fostering can attract people with mercenary intent. The account is moving and ultimately uplifting as we see that families take many forms and can develop across the unlikeliest of groupings. A very interesting read.

[Dorothy Minor · Rating 4 out of 5]

I am an eclectic reader, so when The Bond by A. M. Grotticelli landed in my lap courtesy of BookTrib, I sat down to read. The full title is The Bond: How a Mixed Bag of Foster Kids Became a Family for Life. That subtitle tells readers what they need to know to continue with the book.

Oddly enough, I had just finished a novel, Promises of the Heart by Nan Rossiter, that also involves a foster child as a major part of the story. As a result, I opened The Bond thinking about the little girl from the novel. The novel, however, did not prepare me for the opening chapter “My Roots” where the first line follows here: “It was just another dreadful day at S. Michael’s Home, an orphanage for discarded children in Staten Island, New York.”

Groticelli, an eight-year-old child, describes being held down by two counselors who were beating him with a belt. Counselor seems hardly the appropriate word for two people in charge of children beating a small child with a belt—two counselors. Then readers learn why the men are beating the child: they want a $25 birthstone ring Groticelli’s father had given him.

My feeling of outrage over the incident kept me from reading for a time until I could stop wishing extreme harm to those two counselors. I did return to the book.

Readers discover that Grotticelli’s father places Grotticelli and two of his siblings in St. Michael’s when Grotticelli’s mother becomes ill with cancer. When Nina and Charles Nelson agree to foster the three Grotticelli children, they think they have found a way out of the horrible St. Michael’s.
Sadly, according to Grotticelli, the Nelsons took foster children for the money they received, not out of any love of children. Even though the Nelsons received $218 per foster child per month, the children had to perform a number of onerous chores. Grotticelli describes cleaning the floor with a toothbrush, for example.

Grotticelli also had to assist Mr. Nelson on Sundays after church with assigned chores. Sometimes, though, if he did not have an assigned chore, Grotticelli had “to stand or sit at Mr. Nelson’s side and give him whatever tool he needed.” This may sound like a better job than cleaning the floor with a toothbrush; however, if Grotticelli handed Mr. Nelson the wrong tool, Mr. Nelson would retort, “What’s the matter with you?”

Clearly, if a child hears “what’s the matter with you” often enough and with a tone that indicates something IS wrong with the child and Grotticelli certainly did hear it often, the child will think “there is something actually wrong with me.” That is a horrible burden for a child because it will fester and continue to grow eroding at self-esteem in all areas.

Fortunately, readers also discover some lighthearted moments in the story. For example, Grotticelli recounts helping Darren and Charles prepare for a St. Patrick’s Day show. He describes “getting the boys through the show without hysterically cracking up was always the challenge. We had a good laugh about our lack of musical talent.”

The Bond is about heartbreak, heartache, and the building of a family out of whole cloth. The children fostered in the Nelson home created a bond, no other word so strongly describes the connection among the children who are now adults. Grotticelli likens their success to being thrown into a lake and being told, “Swim.” They have succeeded without guidance from a loving family; instead, they have depended upon one another to find their way in life.

To give readers a glimpse into their adult gatherings, Grotticelli describes their gatherings: “Today, when we get together at an event or holiday, we sometimes reflect on how it all ended. We shake our heads and laugh about it too---some more easily than others.” As adults, the members of the former Nelson household gather when they can, but especially at Christmas.

Perhaps the most touching sentence occurs near the end of The Bond: “Our ties are not made of blood but woven out of emotion and a longing to belong to something bigger than ourselves. No one wants to be alone.”

The Bond is certainly a book that will generate a thoughtful and possibly even tearful discussion in a book club. It is a book that will haunt readers and yet give some hope for those who dwell on the ties that developed among the children who are now functioning adults.

[Rilla Schulte · Rating 5 out of 5]

I loved ever moment of this book. It is a glimpse into the world of foster kids and the desire to belong. I had to stop many times and remind myself this wasn't a story but someone's true life. This book at times is gut wrenching and sad, but it also had funny and endearing moments. It speaks of ones ability to adapt and to cope with what's handed us. I liked that the author wrapped everything up at the end. No stone was left unturned as to how his family faired. A well written and fast read, because you wont want to put it down.

[BookTrib.com]

THE BOND is a story of resourceful survivors. A.M. Grotticelli does a terrific job building the suspense by merely relaying what happened. The book reflects real life — the messy mix of good and bad, black and white. If you like raw honesty, straightforward writing, good storytelling, hard truths and hard-fought victories, then you will enjoy Grottecelli’s memoir as much as I did.

Read our full review here:
https://booktrib.com/2020/12/16/true-...

[Janet · Rating 5 out of 5]

Rewritten and beautifully done.

[Jake V · Rating 5 out of 5]

A powerful tale of fate and family. The author does an immaculate job interweaving tragedy and triumph - and showing us that we are all “bonded” by more then family. 5/5 would recommend.

[Kelly · Rating 4 out of 5]

Thank you to NetGalley and the publisher for providing this book in exchange for an honest review.
I've read a lot of books written by former foster care people. I cringe when I think of foster homes since so many of them aren't healthy living environments for children who usually have some problems from their experiences. This book was somewhat different. The foster parents did bring in foster kids for the money and really took advantage of these kids. Luckily no extreme abuse and the foster kids got along with each other. The two biological kids were pretty screwed up but those foster kids created their own family that had a close bond. It's sad that they didn't have a better home or ever get to experience having loving parents or adoptive parents. But they sure do prove that family isn't always blood relation.

[Margaret Yelton · Rating 4 out of 5]

The Bond is a powerful and moving book concerning the life of foster children. Having just gone through a major upheaval in my personal life, this book touched me deeply. I know so many people are in it only for the money, but I also know I have heard of amazing families that raise foster children and love them as their very own. Going through so much as a child under the circumstances these young children find themselves in, its amazing more of them don't turn out to be a blight on society. Overall I found this to be a quick and easy read, even if the subject major was darker than I need to be reading at this present time. I would certainly recommend the book to others.

I received a ARC from #booktribbookclubnetwork2021 and #novelnlattebook club with the understanding I am under no obligation to leave a favorable review. All opinions expressed here are my own.

[Bernard Rubinstein · Rating 5 out of 5]

WOW! What a powerful story. The life that went on in St. Michael's Orphanage, was more than anyone should endure. These 3 children had to endure this misery until they we taken in to Foster Care, by the Nelson's. Looking for a good home life, we find that the Nelson's were in it just for the money. How sad is this?
It is beyond comprehension that the children had to live under these conditions. In spite of it all A.M. Grotticelli, and his siblings turned out to be better people. More power to them.
Beautifully written, page turner, and couldn't wait to see what was going to happen next.
Thank you for sharing part of your life.

[Donna Wetzel · Rating 3 out of 5]

Thanks Goodreads for my copy of The Bond by A.M. Grotticelli. I actually would have given this book a 3 and a half stars if I could have. I liked it and read it quickly but it seemed like a straight retelling of a life that was interesting but not particularly moving. I think I understand foster children a little better after reading this account. To be fair though, many parents in the 50s and 60s did not attend any school functions or pay any particular attention to their children beyond meeting their basic needs. The only difference was the way this family never got emotionally invested in their foster children.

[Carolyn · Rating 4 out of 5]

Thank you to Atmosphere Press for the chance to read the e-book version of The Bond by A.M. Groticelli. This is a true story of loss and finding belonging under unlikely circumstances. A group of foster children who grew up with strict and unconventional foster parents learned to become independent adults and form a found family. The author and his biological siblings were placed with a family who did not necessarily get into foster care for altruistic reasons. The parents used the children as free labor for their chores and DIY projects. Although the author describes more work than play, he does hint at friendships formed among the foster siblings, moments of pride in their work and family outings that were new experiences for the children. I found the situation they were in to be a difficult one even though they weren’t physically abused. The parents favored their biological children. There were verbal altercations and manipulation that may have been difficult to identify as a child growing up in it. The author presents the story with nostalgia and pain, but ends on a happier note. For one thing the children all grew up to have loving families of their own, using what had happened to them as an example of what not to do. They became found family for each other and still stay in touch. #netgalley

[Kate Robinson · Rating 4 out of 5]

"There’s a silver lining to everything, even if mine was harder to find."

What comprises a loving family? Many take family relationships for granted, for better or for worse. But for some kids, the possibility of having a real family remains tantalizingly out of reach. A deep sense of unremitting yearning and pain runs through this memoir about a group of unrelated foster kids who ultimately become bonded as a family. Despite, or maybe because of, their rejection at eighteen by exploitative adults as much interested in appearances and state custody payments as in parenting their charges, the kids learn how to support one another . . .

Read more at US Review of Books