The semi-professional production of The Wizard of Oz that Julia’s mother signs her up for the summer that Julia seems like she’d like to just stay in bed is, of course, life changing. As happens with theater. “Come out, come out, wherever you are...” says Glinda to welcome the Munchkins to the stage and to welcome Julia to her new thoughts and feelings about how to be in the world as she moves from being a grieving girl with a very rich inner life to a confident young lady figuring things out by watching the new adults around her. This is one of those books that reminds you of the positive power that you can have as an adult.
Could it be that it harkened back to my summer after 5th grade when I, too, got to be in a production of The Wiz with teenagers and adults I had never met, and costumes made of silky polyester and deep emerald velvet, and acting drills in a cool, tiled studio, and a big stage with spotlights, and the whole thing just felt surreal? Probably.
Mrs Chang: “How’s everything in your life?” This is a very big question, and I’m not sure she is looking for a real answer or if she’s just trying to be nice.
I am always amazed at how a simple song can be crazy inspiring. My parents often play an old one called “Let It Be.” I guess it calms them down. I wonder if other things in life are like this. Maybe the key is that Big Ideas are Little Ideas but told in Big Ways?
Maybe the biggest question for me is, what is art? Maybe the answer is: imagination mixed with emotion. Or maybe not. Maybe art takes time to understand. Also, maybe the artist is the person to KNOW the art, and the rest of us are there to FEEL the art. Or maybe the other way around. (she wrote in her diary). I decide I might get a headache if I don’t stop thinking about this, so I quit.
A while later I go back into the kitchen and eat eight apricots. I will probably get a stomachache, but I can’t help myself. When I’m around apricots I just lose control. They are perfect. Fortunately they are only in the house in the summer. I feel bad for the family because I just ate the whole bowl.
I put Ramon’s collar and also the wooden Ramon carving next to me on the blanket. My dad once said that giving away something you don’t want isn’t generous. Giving away something you do want is. So if you aren’t going to eat your tuna fish sandwich at lunch, and you turn to a kid and say, “hey, do you want this?” Then you aren’t a generous person. You might even just be a person who can’t stand the smell of tunafish.
It’s been two weeks since I started going to both rehearsals, and I’m too busy to think about anything like my scrapbook or writing a letter to Pieper. I’m not even looking for Ramon so much, which feels wrong. But I just don’t see him in all of his old places like I used to. Maybe I’m getting more comfortable with the empty space. Or maybe having so many new things in my life is filling it up.
“Thanks, mom. Thanks for making me try out for this play.” I think I might just have made being a mother totally worthwhile for her. I will try to never forget her face. It’s too bad I don’t have a cell phone, because I could’ve taken a picture and that would’ve been great for my scrapbook. Mom‘s got tears in her eyes and she’s smiling. It’s an amazing look. I have to remember how powerful it can be to say thank you. Especially to the people you live with.
Right now I wish that I had brought flowers for the three of them. I suppose I could tell them I was thinking about doing it, or I could surprise them tomorrow. I will make a plan about giftgiving later when I have more time, and also I will look for more clues about what’s going on in the adult world of broken hearts. Shawn Barr says that there are always two things happening in any situation: what we see, and what we don’t see. But what we don’t see we can feel – if we are paying attention.
Young people need models, not critics.
I wish that Brock Wacker would come back to the play now, but that’s not how it works. He sees it once and he writes his opinion. Mrs. Chang says that you are judged often in life before you are ready. She’s not talking about spelling tests, but I understand.
There should be a word for the kind of moment when you are excited but also sad and at the same time you know that what’s happening is important. Maybe there is a word but I don’t know it.
I try not to cry, because my nickname is baby but I’m not a baby. I say in a very small voice, “I don’t want it to end. Why does it have to end?” I realize tears are leaking out of my eyes, which I know is not a good look for me. He says, “everything has to come to an end sometime.” “ why?”
“ that’s a line from the marvelous land of Oz by L Frank Baum.”
“ oh no. I haven’t read that much of his stuff.”
Sean bar doesn’t know that I don’t do that great in school for that sometimes I’m not a good listener and that I can daydream. He doesn’t know that I got fired by my piano teacher. He doesn’t know that I miss my dog so much, people were worrying. He sees a different me than other people.