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386 pages, Kindle Edition
First published December 13, 2016
For years after leaving home, avoiding ... had been my superpower, and I wore it like a merit badge. It served me well. It allowed me to engage to the degree that was comfortable for me. It gave me the space to work through all – um, most? – of my issues. But it also wore the ties between me and my siblings down to threads, and my muscles didn’t remember how to reach out anymore.
“I want…everything. I don’t know what everything is, but I want it.”
“I want everything,” I whispered. I pressed my face to the hollow of her neck, and when I scraped my teeth over the delicate skin there, her body jerked against my hold. ... “Let me have you.”
"Some people have to leave to find their way home again … I'm one of them. I went away because it was the healthiest, safest option for me, but there are many reasons why I've stayed away. They're not about grudges or revenge. They're only about needing to find my way home, and no one else can do that for me."
“There are tornadoes in my head sometimes”…
“I know,” he said as his lips met mine. “But your storms, they don’t scare me.”
She flew with her own wings, and I had to let her. She’d come back to me in due time, and she’d come home, too.

“I’ll always wait for you. Don’t you dare doubt that.” … “I’ll be right here when you’re ready for me.”
“You should never sit around waiting for life to start because it’s leaving you with every second.”
“You should explore the world … Do dangerous things. Ignore the fuck out of conventional wisdom. Walk on fire. Treat everyone with kindness because people are the only things worth holding on to. Live without regrets because there is no time for that shit. Never forget the way home, and leave a trail of breadcrumbs if you have to. Love, and get your heart broken, and say fuck it, and love again and then again.”




"I know what you're thinking," he said. "Say it, lovely. Say it, or I will."
"You should explore the world," I said, tears springing to my eyes for no rational reason. "Do dangerous things. Ignore the fuck out of conventional wisdom. Walk on fire. Treat everyone with kindness because people are the only things worth holding on to. Live without regrets because there is no time for that shit. Never forget the way home, and leave a trail of breadcrumbs if you have to. Love, and get your heart broken, and say fuck it, and love again and then again. And whatever you do, never pass up an opportunity to get married on a lobster boat under a full moon with Jupiter and Mars as your witnesses."
"All of it," he said, grabbing hold of my waist and pulling me to his chest. "I want all of it, and don't ever stop talking about time and diamonds and literally anything else that comes to your amazing fucking mind, and marry me before we lose another second."
"Right here?" I asked, breathless. "Right now?"
"Here. Now," he said, and I was grinning so hard that my cheeks hurt. "I dare you."
"Getting away…it puts a lot of things in perspective."
I kissed the skin beneath her belly button. I loved that she was strong and fit, but also soft in certain places. It was a reminder that beneath all the stoicism were sensitive spots and womanly curves.
"What did it put in perspective for you?" I asked.
Erin's shoulders wiggled as if she was struggling to land on a response, and then she blew out a breath. "It turns down the noise," she said. "It lets you hear your own thoughts, and then fix the ones that don't sound the way you want them to. It makes you see the lies you were feeding yourself, and the angel-faced devils you trusted. It forces you to prioritize, and that helps you decide what can stay and what must go."

"They don't know how it is. Being married to you changes things."
I barked out another laugh. "Oh yeah?"
"Yeah," she said emphatically. "I went years without sex before you. I focused on my research and I traveled, and things were good. I was good. I didn't want anything else, and now…" She shook her head as if she couldn't believe what she was about to say. "And now, I want…everything. I don't know what everything is, but I want it."
"My grandmother, she was something of a mystic," Nick continued. "She used to say that some people fell in love as easy as a leaf fell from a tree, and only when they were ready to fall." He reached for his wine, drained the glass, and returned it to the table. "Others crashed as hard as lightning bolts. Neither was better or worse, but the lightning bolts? It was never simple for them. It was chaos and electricity, unpredictability and fire, and the fall was hard, but it was worth it." He turned back to me, his hand firm on my thigh. "We're the lightning, Skip."
"And the crash was worth it," I whispered.




"I know what you're thinking," he said. "Say it, lovely. Say it, or I will."
"You should explore the world," I said, tears springing to my eyes for no rational reason. "Do dangerous things. Ignore the fuck out of conventional wisdom. Walk on fire. Treat everyone with kindness because people are the only things worth holding on to. Live without regrets because there is no time for that shit. Never forget the way home, and leave a trail of breadcrumbs if you have to. Love, and get your heart broken, and say fuck it, and love again and then again. And whatever you do, never pass up an opportunity to get married on a lobster boat under a full moon with Jupiter and Mars as your witnesses."
"All of it," he said, grabbing hold of my waist and pulling me to his chest. "I want all of it, and don't ever stop talking about time and diamonds and literally anything else that comes to your amazing fucking mind, and marry me before we lose another second."
"Right here?" I asked, breathless. "Right now?"
"Here. Now," he said, and I was grinning so hard that my cheeks hurt. "I dare you."
"Getting away…it puts a lot of things in perspective."
I kissed the skin beneath her belly button. I loved that she was strong and fit, but also soft in certain places. It was a reminder that beneath all the stoicism were sensitive spots and womanly curves.
"What did it put in perspective for you?" I asked.
Erin's shoulders wiggled as if she was struggling to land on a response, and then she blew out a breath. "It turns down the noise," she said. "It lets you hear your own thoughts, and then fix the ones that don't sound the way you want them to. It makes you see the lies you were feeding yourself, and the angel-faced devils you trusted. It forces you to prioritize, and that helps you decide what can stay and what must go."

"They don't know how it is. Being married to you changes things."
I barked out another laugh. "Oh yeah?"
"Yeah," she said emphatically. "I went years without sex before you. I focused on my research and I traveled, and things were good. I was good. I didn't want anything else, and now…" She shook her head as if she couldn't believe what she was about to say. "And now, I want…everything. I don't know what everything is, but I want it."
"My grandmother, she was something of a mystic," Nick continued. "She used to say that some people fell in love as easy as a leaf fell from a tree, and only when they were ready to fall." He reached for his wine, drained the glass, and returned it to the table. "Others crashed as hard as lightning bolts. Neither was better or worse, but the lightning bolts? It was never simple for them. It was chaos and electricity, unpredictability and fire, and the fall was hard, but it was worth it." He turned back to me, his hand firm on my thigh. "We're the lightning, Skip."
"And the crash was worth it," I whispered.




"I know what you're thinking," he said. "Say it, lovely. Say it, or I will."
"You should explore the world," I said, tears springing to my eyes for no rational reason. "Do dangerous things. Ignore the fuck out of conventional wisdom. Walk on fire. Treat everyone with kindness because people are the only things worth holding on to. Live without regrets because there is no time for that shit. Never forget the way home, and leave a trail of breadcrumbs if you have to. Love, and get your heart broken, and say fuck it, and love again and then again. And whatever you do, never pass up an opportunity to get married on a lobster boat under a full moon with Jupiter and Mars as your witnesses."
"All of it," he said, grabbing hold of my waist and pulling me to his chest. "I want all of it, and don't ever stop talking about time and diamonds and literally anything else that comes to your amazing fucking mind, and marry me before we lose another second."
"Right here?" I asked, breathless. "Right now?"
"Here. Now," he said, and I was grinning so hard that my cheeks hurt. "I dare you."
"Getting away…it puts a lot of things in perspective."
I kissed the skin beneath her belly button. I loved that she was strong and fit, but also soft in certain places. It was a reminder that beneath all the stoicism were sensitive spots and womanly curves.
"What did it put in perspective for you?" I asked.
Erin's shoulders wiggled as if she was struggling to land on a response, and then she blew out a breath. "It turns down the noise," she said. "It lets you hear your own thoughts, and then fix the ones that don't sound the way you want them to. It makes you see the lies you were feeding yourself, and the angel-faced devils you trusted. It forces you to prioritize, and that helps you decide what can stay and what must go."

"They don't know how it is. Being married to you changes things."
I barked out another laugh. "Oh yeah?"
"Yeah," she said emphatically. "I went years without sex before you. I focused on my research and I traveled, and things were good. I was good. I didn't want anything else, and now…" She shook her head as if she couldn't believe what she was about to say. "And now, I want…everything. I don't know what everything is, but I want it."
"My grandmother, she was something of a mystic," Nick continued. "She used to say that some people fell in love as easy as a leaf fell from a tree, and only when they were ready to fall." He reached for his wine, drained the glass, and returned it to the table. "Others crashed as hard as lightning bolts. Neither was better or worse, but the lightning bolts? It was never simple for them. It was chaos and electricity, unpredictability and fire, and the fall was hard, but it was worth it." He turned back to me, his hand firm on my thigh. "We're the lightning, Skip."
"And the crash was worth it," I whispered.



She flew with her own wings, and I had to let her. She’d come back to me in due time, and she’d come home, too.