Marriage in the Middle: Embracing Midlife Surprises, Challenges, and Joys

by Dorothy Littell Greco

Midlife is a season of challenge and change―professionally, relationally, physically, and spiritually. On our better days, we experience a sense of growing clarity and satisfaction about who we are. We might even be coming to terms with our limitations and vulnerabilities, letting go of some dreams and creating new ones. But many days, we are overwhelmed and exhausted by the intense transitions of this season, leaving us feeling off-balance and insecure. And these challenges reverberate through our marriages, making us wonder how we're going to survive.Though many assume that "midlife" is synonymous with "crisis," Dorothy Littell Greco reminds us that it doesn't have to be that way. The demands of midlife actually force us to adjust and adapt, providing new opportunities for discovery and growth within our marriages. With vulnerability and insight, Marriage in the Middle will inspire and encourage you to invest in your relationship with your spouse, enabling you both to thrive as you face the challenges and changes of this era together.

Genres: Marriage, Nonfiction, Christian, Family, Faith, Self Help, Psychology

190 pages, Kindle Edition

Published September 15, 2020

About the author

Dorothy Greco spends her days making photographs, exploring the connection between faith and contemporary culture, and whenever possible, being on or in the water. Her first book, Making Marriage Beautiful, was released in 2017. Marriage in the Middle was released by IVP in 2020. For the Love of Women: Uprooting and Healing Misogyny in America releases in the fall of 2025. Her writing has been published in Missio Alliance, Christianity Today, Relevant, MOPs, and more. You can find her words and images over at dorothygreco.com or sign up to receive her Substack posts: What's Faith Got to Do with It?

Reviews

[Dorothy Greco]

Early responses have been very encouraging! Readers are connecting with the couples I interviewed and finding encouragement and hope. My daily prayer while writing this book is that it would be a conduit of hope for married couples. There are questions at the end of each chapter which will not only help you go deeper but facilitate using this book in a small group.

You can find out more by going to IVP's site: https://www.ivpress.com/marriage-in-t...

See Reviews over at Amazon: https://amzn.to/2RSSf0j

Any questions? Email me via my website. http://www.dorothygreco.com/contact-me/

[C.L.R. · Rating 5 out of 5]

If you’re married and self-identify as middle-aged and a person of faith, Dorothy Littell Greco’s new book, Marriage in the Middle: Embracing Midlife Surprises, Challenges, and Joys, will be a worthwhile investment in your marriage. Whether your marriage is healthy or struggling or somewhere in between, you’ll find encouragement and strategies (but not cookie-cutter formulas) to strengthen your relationship in this thorough, well-researched guide.

Greco’s fresh, vulnerable voice and interviews with real people bring her ideas to life, keeping readers engaged.

Each chapter examines a key issue of this phase of marriage and explores ways that twenty-first-century couples can grow from the challenges we face. As Greco writes, “Though we have little power over the frequency or intensity of the storms that rage around us, we do have tremendous agency in how we respond.”

Marriage in the Middle is full of useful insights and resources. I especially appreciate the questions Greco poses at the end of nearly every chapter, helping readers reflect and apply the chapter’s lessons to their own marriages.

Highly recommended!

[Pascha Griffiths · Rating 5 out of 5]

Through a style akin to a blend of narrative research and autoethnography, Dorothy Littell Greco captures the unvarnished reality of marriage in mid-life. Greco, viewing marriage through a lens that includes faith in a loving God, explores how the couples who participated in her investigation—a group of couples from a variety of racial and ethnic backgrounds, and not all on their first marriage—have endured (and still are enduring) the potshots of life with their marriages still in-tact. This is not a sappy book, nor is it sweet. It’s an invitation to sit in an intimate space and listen to the rough and tumble stories of heartache, broken-heartedness, redemption, and finding the way through to the other side of seemingly crushing blows and galling circumstances. The honored guests of this book share their accounts of how they survived, healed, and grew in love along the way. This book does not shy away from the kind of harrowing life experiences that no one chooses to face such as marital infidelity, permanent body changes from illness, death of children, loss of community, facing a child’s drug overdose, and sexual abuse at the hands of a trusted church leader. Don’t let the list of level-10 pain scare you. It's actually a hopeful book! With a gracious and tender touch, Greco honors some of the deepest pain couples have ever suffered, and in collaboration with the couples, holds it to the light, and allows the wisdom to shine through for the reader’s benefit. This book required a lot of people’s courage, and I am grateful for their willingness to share so that I may benefit from applying the wisdom gleaned from their transparency and Greco’s earnest and prayerful analysis of their stories. Ultimately, this hopeful book provides practical insight to help readers apply the hard-earned wisdom to their own lives.

[Erin Livs · Rating 5 out of 5]

"Is midlife marriage a crisis or an opportunity? It's both."

I've read a number of books on marriage but this is the one I didn't know I needed. If you're approaching or in midlife (I'll let you figure that out), you'll find this book helpful. Greco's candor about a range of topics and addressing the challenges and blessings that come with being married in midlife is refreshing.

[Karen Stevenson · Rating 5 out of 5]

From the first sentence in welcoming the reader who has made it to the middle of life while married, Greco weaves a mastery of words to capture all the aspects of middle life which is anything but over the hill.  That said, with the unmistakable limitations of aging and life circumstances that change us, this book invites one to reinvest in every part of their lives, including their marriage.  Greco is like a guide for this phase of middle life and contextualizes the disequilibrium one feels and offers encouragement and ideas to thrive (not just survive).  I so appreciate the author's transparency and hope that come across on these pages, especially the candid interviews she conducted with a variety of other midlife couples who have gone through some challenging times.  I also like the humor that is scattered throughout this book to bring an air of levity to some tough stuff. For me being in my mid forties, I thought I would have some things figured out by now with my spouse (married over 10 years).  However, this book gives me courage to continue to pursue the lifelong course of learning how to love and be loved despite the challenges going on in this season of midlife.  It's never too late to learn better ways of loving oneself and one's spouse!  As I read certain parts of the book, it gave words to the feelings that have been bubbling up inside of me that needed expression and clarity.  This book is a welcome tool for a more enriched life and marriage with lines like this, "Being an agent of healing in our marriage requires sustained patience, gentleness, and faithfulness." May we be encouraged to press into our marriages with grace!

[Carolyn · Rating 5 out of 5]

Marriage in midlife (40-65) doesn’t automatically get easier as time passes. New problems emerge. Our bodies -- and sometimes sexual appetites -- change. Our kids may be approaching young adulthood with all the fears and challenges that brings, to them and to us. Our parents are aging and we may find ourselves pulled by the needs of two generations.
Greco’s stories come from her 30-year marriage to her husband Christopher and their years of experience in marriage ministry. The book includes, as well, verbatim interviews with a number of couples from diverse ethnic and cultural backgrounds. With raw honesty and vulnerability, they describe marital traumas (including the death of a child, a cheating spouse, and body-altering cancer) and what it took for their marriage to survive.
Greco is a woman of faith, as are the couples interviewed. Often they find their hope in God’s grace. While this may limit the book’s appeal to some readers, it should not. There is deep wisdom here for everyone.

[Amanda Ilg · Rating 5 out of 5]

Five stars is an understatement. This book must become part of the Christian conversation on marriage, YES, and also on mental health, sex, and living out our Kingdom purposes. It is honest, brave, inspiring, and joyful. It offers hope, help, inspiration, and a gentle yet compelling invitation to know better and do better both within your marriage, and with your marriage. If you are approaching 40 or in the midlife years already, order this book today.

[Kim Harms · Rating 5 out of 5]

Greco is vulnerable and real about her personal marriage experience and provides biblical truth, data and the input of a variety of other couples to round out each topic in this book. From parenting our own children to becoming caregivers for older parents, from growing in our marital verbal communication skills to learning how to love each other well sexually, Marriage in the Middle digs into topics that every married person will face in some way at some time. I loved her first book, Making Marriage Beautiful, and enjoyed this book as well. Though I come at life from a slightly different perspective in some instances, I know when I read Greco’s work, I will learn something. I loved the reminder that my identity needs to come from Christ, not my husband. “Christopher (insert Corey for me) can affirm my identity, but God is the only one who can name me. When we expect our spouse to fill God’s role, we will inevitably feel disappointed.” AMEN to that. I also appreciated her take on experiencing trauma and loss in marriage. “If we commit to loving and supporting each other, even on the darkest days, and refuse to let the crisis divide us, our marriages will increasingly become places of refuge and sources of strength. For us and for everyone around us.”
This is most definitely an informative and hope-filled book for those of us in the throes of “marriage in the middle.”

[Norman Styers · Rating 4 out of 5]

Many Christian living books offer no more than the bromides of pop psychology decorated with Bible verses, but Greco goes well beyond that. If you want a better understanding of how your faith works out in your marriage, her work is top notch.

[Joanne · Rating 4 out of 5]

So many helpful topics covered. Was hoping for more gospel based teaching.

[Mary Rawls · Rating 5 out of 5]

Marriage in the Middle is a timely read for me because this is where I'm at in life and marriage. Greco states, 'her purpose [is]; . . . to articulate the hows and whys of the disequilibrium, to assure you that you’re not alone, and to offer both encouragement and strategies that will help you thrive in this season." ". . . Marriage in the Middle will meet you where you are and model vulnerability, promote honesty, and offer grounded hope." She does exactly that.

Greco is vulnerable through her own life stories and marriage relationship, as well as, includes interviews of couples sharing their intimate stories. I found myself relating to the grief and loss, the overwhelming disappointments and unmet expectations that weigh us down. These gave me perspective that as we all go through turbulence in this season of change, loss, and challenges there is hope. The knowledge that I am not alone, that others have experienced it and come through stronger with growth in themselves and in their relationship is empowering and hope-filled. None of it looked perfect but each couple came through with greater satisfaction and deeper love for each other. Greco herself and each of the couple's interviewed open heartedly revealed their crisis, obstacle, or issue with the difficult emotions, the struggle and the decision to dig in, evaluate, and grow.

The chapter on community appealed to me personally, as my church went through a big upheaval in Winter of 2019 right before 2020 threw this quarantine/pandemic at us. This all resulted in changes, hurt feelings, and people leaving. This has many layers, but put simply, I had a personal crisis about myself, my purpose, and my marriage. These circumstances added to my isolation, not just physically but emotionally, and showed me more acutely my need for community. Marriage in the Middle's chapter on community candidly talks about our need for one another and much of our healing comes from community. The truth of the matter is church people are imperfect, they will hurt us and fail. Oddly, I found hope and truth in this chapter. Community has never been a strength in my life and I see now, after 2020 brought about less face to face interaction and group gatherings, that community and friendship are essential to growth and healing. Greco quotes at the end of the chapter, "The hope of the gospel is that it invites us out of hiding, not to expose us and parade our pain in front of everyone, but to heal it and root us within real community." I think this would be an ideal book to go through whether alone, with your spouse, or in a group of a few couples. I highly recommend Marriage in the Middle.

[Sharla Fritz · Rating 5 out of 5]

Midlife marriage has its own set of challenges. Author Dorothy Greco doesn't gloss over these pitfalls but tackles them head-on with humor and hope. I don't read a lot of marriage books because my husband and I have a strong relationship, but I picked up this book because I don't want to take our marriage for granted. I want our marriage to finish strong.

Greco explains that successful marriage in the middle requires three qualities. The quality I most resonated with was malleability--the amount of pressure something can take without snapping. It's true, our middle years have had a lot of extra stressors: health problems, disappointment with family members, taking care of elderly parents, and career changes. I loved the reminder to remain malleable even while going all of these midlife challenges.

I thought the chapters on telos were worth the price of the book. Greco writes, "Telos means 'fulfillment,' 'end,' or the 'end goal' of an intentional process...As it relates to midlife marriage, telos is our ultimate destination, the specific path that we take, and how we love and serve those who journey with us." To that end, Greco encourages readers to ask questions like: Where are we going? What's working? What's not working? She urges spouses in midlife to dream together to find their own unique ways to love each other and love others--making purposeful decisions in how they want to spend time as a couple and how they might serve their community together. Throughout the book, Dorothy shares examples from her own marriage and the relationships of other midlife couples.

I found Marriage in the Middle a very hopeful and encouraging guide to a better marriage in midlife.

[Michele Morin · Rating 5 out of 5]

Marriage in the Middle is Dorothy Greco's declaration that the surprises, challenges, and joys of midlife are best shared with a sympathetic traveler who knows you well--and loves you anyway! Regardless of how marriage has played out in young adulthood, midlife ushers in its own set of challenges. Career upheaval, an empty-ing nest, aging parents, and the limitations of our own aging bodies introduce a dizzying cocktail of disequilibrium that may stress even a strong and stable union. Sobering statistics bear this out, for although the term midlife crisis did not appear until 1965, it has become a cultural rite of passage, reflected in a higher divorce rate for those over age forty-five.

Greco has interviewed nine mid-life couples from diverse ethnic backgrounds who are determined to translate the challenges life dishes out after age forty-five into opportunities to pause, recalibrate, and move into a new and more thoughtful way of staying married. Their input rounds out the discussion as they share candidly about the heartbreak of loss, the obstacles caused by trauma or attachment issues, and the impact of life-altering diagnoses. In his first letter, Peter called married believers “heirs together of the grace of life.” Together, taking that inherited grace for the crises that shake us to the core, we discover that the shaking process has unearthed good ground for a new beginning.

[Leslie · Rating 4 out of 5]

Many marriage books are geared to one of two audiences it seems: either newlyweds who are trying to start off on the right foot or those who are trying to keep a marriage from falling apart. Marriage in the Middle: Embracing Midlife Surprises, Challenges, and Joys, recently released by Dorothy Littell Greco, does not focus on either of these categories but instead focuses on the unique experiences of marriage at mid-life. As mid-life often brings about changes in responsibilities ranging from being in the sandwich generation to empty-nesters and possible changes in health as well as changes in sexuality as we embrace our own aging process, it only makes sense that our marriages need to grow and change as well. Greco incorporates her own experiences, the experiences of others, and well-documented research regarding marriage and mid-life.

I found Marriage in the Middle a good, solid book that will be referenced frequently. While I did not take lots of notes, I did find myself agreeing with items or thinking "that's a good point." While this book just came out, in many ways, I would have found this book very helpful several years ago and would encourage individuals to read it before they find themselves in the throes of mid-life issues. All in all, a very useful book that will be helpful to many and should be purchased by public and academic libraries and counselors. The discussion questions make it appropriate to be used in small groups or book discussion groups.

I received a complementary copy of Marriage in the Middle from InterVarsity Press via NetGalley. I was not obligated to provide a positive review.

[Janna Northrup · Rating 5 out of 5]

"Every marriage, like every individual life, is meant to be oriented toward something," writes Greco in the closing chapter of Marriage in the Middle. We bring our past hurts and wounds, our present challenges and hurdles, plus our aging bodies and somber realizations about our remaining years into the very ordinary and daily life of our marriages. If, as Greco suggests, we are oriented toward something—which is a bigger picture, one that takes into account our spiritual lives, our very necessary and significant need for God—we can face each other more profoundly and intimately. I loved the warmth of her tone, the wisdom of her insights and the very tempered practicality of exactly how marriage changes, deepens, is challenged and can come out stronger. I highly recommend this book to both professionals who are marriage counselors as well as for couples to read together and process through the end of chapter questions. I've already recommended the book numerous times. I felt "heard" as I read about couples like my husband and me and was encouraged. I hope other couples stumble upon it and are rewarded by working through chapters on spirituality, sex/intimacy, the hardships of raising children as well as caring for aged parents among other salient topics. It is a book I will be thinking about for quite a while.

[Helen Cave · Rating 5 out of 5]

Having lived with a variety of not always easy circumstances in our marriage, I really appreciate how Dorothy Greco acknowledges that difficult dynamics of mid-life are not going to be solved by following a simple formula. Some circumstances may improve whereas others may never go away (or even get worse). Negative feelings and reactions, while normal, can impede marriage growth. Greco offers realistic suggestions to grow through these challenges based on personal experiences from her own marriage and those of several couples whose stories she includes in the book. She encourages couples to seek out support from caring friends, family and/or professional counseling. Alongside this advice, spiritual direction and practices are shared to call readers to growth personally and within their marriage relationship. A list of additional resources is provided at the end of the book.
Whether one is middle-aged or younger or older, facing few or many challenges, feeling alone in one’s unique situation or wanting to gain understanding and empathy for people in this stage of life, Marriage in the Middle is definitely worth reading. I plan to return to its pages regularly to glean more of its practical wisdom, encouragement and hope.

[Gunnar · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is a serious book for those that are committed to their marriage. If you’re looking for superficial tactics and tips to enhance your marriage, you can probably skip this heartfelt and honest examination. If you have the wisdom of years and/or have been married for 10-15+ years, then I’d recommend taking the time to read it. Being married is hard work and hardly anyone that has been even for a little while will contest the point. Being married is also uniquely transformational and Dorothy does an excellent job in shining light on the paradox of marriage in midlife - that it can be both harder and more rewarding. The format of the book is a well-written mix exploring critical midlife challenges with real-life accounts of people that have dealt with them. While brutally honest at times, its hopeful message is more authentic because of it. It is challenging but refreshing. It can help us better understand ourselves, our spouses, and the shifting sands we increasingly tread upon.

[Julia · Rating 5 out of 5]

If you are a follower of Jesus who is sometimes leery of books about how to do Godly relationships, this book is for you. Challenging, yet not making you despair at all the ways that you might fall short. The author writes from the heart about her own experiences. The people she interviews are so willing to share, that it inspires readers to be honest and to give it their best shot in there relationships. The book is about marriage in middle age, but it could apply to any age, and even for single people who are working on their friendships or something developing into more. It is incredibly well-written, expanding on the difficult topics and also just adding some hilarious zingers along the way. Even those who do not share the author's faith traditions may be able to get behind the ideas of love, sacrifice, and asking your community and God for help. I highly recommend it!

[Sheila Rowe · Rating 5 out of 5]

My husband and I read this timely book together and were not disappointed. Dorothy Littell Greco offers a fresh perspective that is grounded in faith and addresses the unique experiences of those of us who are Christians and married in mid-life. Although I've have been married for almost three decades, Marriage in the Middle challenged my husband and me to keep moving forward and got us excited about the new adventures in love that lie ahead. We encourage you to learn from this inspiring author as she vulnerable shares the surprises, challenges, and joys in her own marriage and those of diverse married couples.

[Nicole Walters · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book fills the gap for couples who want to keep their marriage strong into the second half of life! I haven't read anything like Marriage in the Middle that addresses the unique challenges of mid-life - not just in our marriages, but in our emotional, spiritual, and physical lives. No one tells us how we will change and how these challenges will affect our marriages - but Dorothy Greco does with gentle wisdom from herself and other couples who have lived it. When a counselor told me in my late 30's that I was a prime candidate for mid-life challenges, I didn't want to hear it. But my marriage showed the proof of what ignoring these struggles can mean, and this book helped me more clearly see how to face these challenges head-on. I highly recommend this book to those who find themselves wondering how to keep their own inner lives and their relationships strong.

[Jon Anderson]

Excellent resource for married couples ages 40-65. Deals honestly with many of the changes that happen in midlife that affect our marriages and how we can navigate them well. The chapters on trauma and on attachment were particularly good.

[Linda · Rating 5 out of 5]

In Marriage in the Middle, author Dorothy Greco highlights the challenges couples face unique to their middle years. With needed practical wisdom for an age-group otherwise neglected in marriage books, the author depicts some of the many disappointments and unmet expectations that might threaten a relationship. The loss of a child, mental health issues, ailing bodies, aging parents, employment disappointments, and more all share the potential to unravel what many people have spent decades building. With impressive transparency, the author takes us inside her own marriage to witness how she and her husband weathered some serious storms, coming out on the other side with a vibrant, healthy (but always growing) marriage. Especially I appreciated the couples willing to be interviewed about their own difficult journeys. I highly recommend this hopeful and helpful read for all married people.

[Michelle Henrichs · Rating 5 out of 5]

"Marriage in the Middle" was a timely read for me. We just sent our youngest off to college and are embarking on a new season of marriage as empty nesters. I appreciated the breadth of midlife marriage matters addressed by Greco. Not only well informed, Greco made personally brought me into the conversation through her own stories and those of others. Many of the topics are the same that I cover when I do pre-marital counseling. "Marriage in the Middle" offers an opportunity for the reader to revisit these important areas of marriage at mid-life.

[Diane · Rating 5 out of 5]

"There's an urgency about midlife." How true I have found this quote. Though I am past Greco's age bracket for her book, I was surprised at the wealth of information on several subjects in marriage. Mental health, our childhood upbringing and how it affects our lives, and crisis. In a crisis, does our marriage fail or does it bring us closer? It answered a lot of questions about how the church (in my teen years) treated our sexuality. Thankfully, there are churches who are righting the wrongs in that area. This book was a refreshing look at marriage. There is still hope for marriage.

[Charity Craig · Rating 5 out of 5]

Marriage in the Middle is a book that speaks directly to the challenges that come with being married in midlife. In some ways, it's a manual for couples who have been together for years and are navigating the middle life of their relationship. But it's also for people like me, who first married in midlife, jumping right into the challenges of parenting teens and caring for older parents while also navigating the sometimes murky waters of marriage. The stories from Dorothy's own life and marriage are helpful, and I'm so thankful she interviewed other couples, too, so readers can have a wide swath of normalizing experiences. If you're married (or considering it) and are in or heading into midlife, you'll definitely want to read this book.

[Jeff Bjorck · Rating 4 out of 5]

Authentic Hope and Help for Real Marriages

In her great new book, "Marriage in the Middle," Dorothy Littell Greco offers frank truths and tangible hope, just as she did in her first book, "Making Marriage Beautiful." This time, however, she targets those whose marriages have circled the sun for a decade or two...or more. With winsome words clearly anchored in Biblical faith, rich life experiences, and her years of helping other marriages, Greco brings many central issues to the table. She addresses the influence of physical and emotional midlife changes and the stresses of caring for kids and parents simultaneously. She also covers major disappointments, traumas, and losses, as well as attachment issues, sexual concerns, and the need to consider marriage in the context of community.

Rather than framing marriage merely as a directionless journey, Dorothy challenges readers to consider ultimate marital goals and life purposes ("telos") that honor the relationship with God and each other. She does this in several ways. First, she and her husband, Christopher, share vulnerably about their own marriage. Second, she provides nine interviews of real people who are equally open regarding their own marital issues. They tell true stories describing crises of faith, sexual concerns, and hard conflicts, as well as life celebrations, good lessons learned, and the benefits that life experience can bring to all facets of marriage. Third, she offers "going deeper" questions for further discussion at the end of each chapter.

Greco’s writing style is a real strength of this book, which flows like a caring, intimate conversation with a good friend. Her own vulnerability, together with those whom she skillfully interviews, will doubtless give every reader truly relatable points of connection. Minor critical notes include the publisher’s choice to omit traditional footnotes or references (and a "Notes" section that merely identifies pages in the text), occasionally making it challenging to know when Greco is sharing her own thoughts or paraphrasing a source. In addition, she proposes a seven-point theology of sexuality, and whereas the points are all useful, more connections to Scripture or other theological anchors would have been beneficial. It would also have been helpful to address premarital sexuality in greater depth, but--in keeping with this book’s topic--Greco does aptly illustrate how premarital sexuality can influence later marital sexuality, even in midlife.

Overall, her varied topics are highly relevant, she provides many Scripturally sound insights, and she artfully presents them through the purposeful lens of telos. Moreover, with so few Christian marriage books written by women, Dorothy Greco provides a much-needed and crucial perspective, with many useful insights for both men and women. Her book brings refreshing honesty, encouragement, and hope for vital, God-honoring marriages in the middle years and beyond.

Jeff Bjorck, Ph.D.
Licensed Psychologist
Senior Professor of Psychology
Fuller Seminary, Pasadena, CA

[Becky · Rating 5 out of 5]

Wow! There is a ton of wisdom in this honest and hopeful book. Dorothy Littell Greco tackles about a dozen topics that affect marriage in midlife, from the lingering affects of trauma, to caring for aging parents, to a deep dive into how both secular and religious culture can influence sexual intimacy in marriage. I learned a lot even from chapters I thought wouldn’t apply to me (I am in my late thirties, married for 14 years).

One of the strengths of this book is its honesty. I appreciated how the author vulnerably shares from her own life, as she did in her first book, Making Marriage Beautiful: Lifelong Love, Joy, and Intimacy Start with You (and btw I never felt like I was reading a repackaging of the same anecdotes). But even more striking were the interviews with real-life couples featured in each chapter. The diversity of circumstances was striking - the first couple had overcome infidelity, another interviewee (now remarried), reflected on her first marriage that ended when her husband died of cancer. I felt privileged to have a window into the hurts and healing journeys of these people’s lives, and am grateful that they shared so intimately.

The biggest gift of this book - and why I think you should read it - is how HOPEFUL it is. Inspiring not in a schmaltzy way, but in helping you imagine what could be possible. Marriage is hard work! And the longer we are stuck in our ways and hurt by our hurts, the harder it can be to lift our gaze and believe that people can change and grow. But this book, and the window it gave into other couples’ journeys and growth, gave me renewed hope for things I didn’t realize I had given up on. Or ways I had lowered my expectations. Honestly I am now more excited to grow old with my husband! Expectant for good things ahead.

[Lara Krupicka]

Did you ever find a book you didn't realize you needed until you read it? This is one of those books. Directed specifically at couples in middle age, Greco addresses the circumstances and challenges unique to this stage of life. What pleased me most was how, from the very start, she struck a positive, hopeful tone. As she says, "there are many times in the course of our lives where we feel stuck. In these situations, imagining something new is, in and of itself, 'an act of hope.'"

I wouldn't say I've felt stuck, probably more settled. But Marriage in the Middle gives a call to living more than settled in marriage. Greco opened my eyes to an important fact about marriage (and life) in this stage: that we don't have time to give in to complacency, to remain in harmful habits, to ignore our limitations. To quote the author, "there's an urgency about midlife."

At the same time as Greco is hopeful and encouraging, she as also realistic and straightforward. She dares to tackle all of the important and sticky topics of marriage and midlife - from the effects of declining hormones, to traumatic losses, to sex, and more. And all of this from a grounded theological perspective.

Greco draws not only on her own experiences but also the stories of other midlife couples, including interviews that allow them to speak directly to the reader. And she draws on an abundance of research, quoting experts in a variety of fields. The intellectual and theological underpinnings of this book should be no surprise to regular readers of IVP books. And they make this all that much richer of a resource.

If you are married and between 40-65 years old, you deserve to experience the "act of hope," the spark of imagination and renewed vigor that can come from reading (and acting on) this book.

[Catherine Mullaney · Rating 5 out of 5]

Whether you believe in a Supreme Being of the Universe or not this book will lead you into discussions around all the major issues you may face in midlife. This includes: career changes, physical changes in our bodies, caring for elderly parents, expectations and disappointments, going through crises, self-care and self-examination, sex, friendship and more.

Greco’s philosophy of marriage stems from her belief in a historical sexual ethic based in the Christian tradition. I deduce this from having read this book along with her first book Making Marriage Beautiful. Greco’s relationship with a Loving God is captured throughout her thinking, writing, study, and research that she has invested in creating this life-giving book.

The hope and encouragement of this book is - no matter what you face at this point in your marriage you've got what it take to respond (or act) and not react and run away or give up. Here are a few quotes from the book to support this bold statement.

"Resilience is one measure of maturity. Children learn to be resilient when they have nurturing, caring parents (or caregivers) who teach them how to rebound after they've made mistakes or suffered losses. Even if we lacked those necessary ingredients when we were growing up, we can still become resilient by cultivating supportive relationships, choosing hope, and refusing to see ourselves as powerless victims."

"Marriage should never be quid pro quo. Instead, as much as we're able, we should try to out-love and out-serve each other."

"As infants and children. . ., we internalize four essential truths: needs are good (i.e. being needy is normal and acceptable), exprssing needs results in connection, others can be trusted to meet our needs, and we are worthy of love. These lessons become the foundation on which all future relationships are built - including out marriage and our relationship with God."

Are you looking for the organic, the radical truth, and real life couples who were interview by Greco and honest about the trials and triumphs? This book walks us through the major categories of life with clarity and thoroughness. However, if you are only interested in a formula for mid-life marriage then this book will not fit the bill.

[Katherine · Rating 5 out of 5]

I found Greco's first book, Making Marriage Beautiful, to be excellent and have given it away as wedding gifts, so I was really looking forward to reading Marriage in the Middle. I've been married 32 years, and hey, marriage books aren't only for newlyweds.

No they aren't. This is is the book I didn't know I needed. 32 years of marriage carries with it the illusion that things are the way they will always be; growth in your marriage is what happened those first 10 years, not now. However, as Marriage in the Middle makes clear, this is far from the truth. The book is made up of 11 chapters that cover topics like connecting, disappointment, changes, and sex. Each chapter includes an interview with another couple about how they've navigated through related issues in their marriage. Greco writes in her candid and factual (think Malcom Gladwell) style, explaining relevant research and often going back to her own marriage with her husband, Christopher, for helpful illustrations. Even though I've read many books about marriage over the years, I continued to find places in this book where I needed to pause and think, and reconsider. Her two chapters on sex I found particularly thorough and was impressed by her and her husband's honesty. And when I shut the book I wasn't overwhelmed thinking I needed to work on my own marriage, but hopeful. I felt a sense of expectation, like my husband and I have far more to look forward to than I thought.