Sometimes you pick up the right book at the right time. This book absolutely nails chronic illness, especially developing a chronic when you are young, and I had no idea how much I needed to read about that experience. Priya is a promising student, a soccer player, and hopes to become a doctor, but she has to return home in the middle of her second year at college. She has developed Lyme disease, and needs IV antibiotics, but even when the Lyme leaves her system, the impact on her body is permanent. Priya is trying to adjust to a new reality: being home with her family again, being unable to trust her body, and struggling to know what her future will hold. Her main solace is the support she finds online, particularly a Discord group for chronic illness sufferers, and her best online friend, Brigid. But Brigid has a secret that Priya gradually uncovers: it's not a spoiler to say that Brigid is a werewolf.
Using lycanthropy as a window into Lyme Disease, and Lyme Disease as a window into lycanthropy, is a really clever narrative trick. They are both problems that are treated with suspicion by medical professionals and people who don't understand them, and yet have a devastating impact on your life. They are both poorly understood. Neither of them are fixable by just "trying to be better", yet that's how people see them. Neither of them occur because of a lack of moral fibre, but it's hard not to internalise the idea that if you had just behaved in a different way, you wouldn't be sick. Within the narrative, lycanthropy functions as both a metaphor for chronic illness, and as a devastatingly real physical condition. As Brigid and Priya struggle to cope with their different illnesses, they grow closer together, and figure out what it's like to lead a different kind of life -- one that is defined by, and curtailed by, illness, but is not less important or less vital than any other life.
O'Neal is fantastic at capturing all the complexities surrounding chronic illness. I've had the experience of stepping out into the world and discovering myself as an adult, and then getting sick and coming home, and depending on my parents to take care of me. It's a strange and painful place to be: you desperately need the help, and are grateful that the support is there, but you also hate the loss of freedom. Priya loves her family and enjoys spending time with all of them, but is also desperately frustrated that she has to give up so much, and no longer feels like an adult. There is so much to navigate here, and no easy answers, and O'Neal does a great job of exploring that. I also loved the way she explores the Internet as a companion and support system, albeit a flawed one. Lockwood's "No One Is Talking About This" is a meditation on being online, but O'Neal really shows us what it's like to have the Internet as your primary social outlet, and they ways that it can be beneficial -- such as allowing you to talk to people who understand you -- as well as causing its own kinds of stress.
At times, I thought Brigid and Priya were going to fall in love, but I actually liked that their relationship was platonic, because this is a brilliant portrait of the importance of friendship, and how friendships can be just as meaningful and important as a romantic relationship. Priya and Brigid's lives are intertwined, and they understand each other in a way no one else can. It's sweet and believable to witness the way their relationship moves from an online friendship to an 'everything' friendship, and gets deeper and deeper. This book is not without its flaws, but I found it engaging, moving and deeply necessary. It showed up just when I'm in the middle of a fibromyalgia flare-up, and although I'm in a different place in my life from Priya, and have different problems, it was so helpful to see a character I could relate to so much. I've never read a book that truly gets it before, and it's such an amazing experience.