✰ 3.5 stars ✰
“I’ll be assigned a new partner, I guess,” Daniel said, mostly because if he didn’t talk he might cry.
“Ah, good. Someone new for you to fall in love with.”
“I don’t think I will, you know,” Daniel said, his voice unsteady.
“No more falling in love with agents,” Gennady agreed. “Get married, have children, have a happy life.”
“And what about you?”
“I’m Russian, I was never going to have a happy life.”
“Gennady,” Daniel said, choked and unhappy.
“It’s a joke, Daniel. I’ll be fine,” Gennady said, and smiled at him, and Daniel nearly broke down.”
I was not aware of the word Honeytrap until very recently when I came across it, in another book. Perhaps, it was my blatant curiosity that bested me and chose this as my first attempt with Aster Glenn Gray's writing. It is a love story between two young agents in their twenties - FBI agent Daniel and KGB agent Gennady Matskevich who while working together to investigate the assassination attempt on a Russian diplomat. But there are hidden intentions lurking on either side - one assigned to show the other the best aspects of America to distract them from the initial objective, and the other tasked to Honeytrap the American agent, in order to incriminate him in a compromising situation that would forever ruin the already terse relationship between their two countries.
“... but when it got tough, we didn’t care enough to make it work. If we had loved each other, it would have been different.”
“Do you believe such a love exists?”
Daniel looked at him strangely. “That’s what love is. The will to be together despite obstacles.”
It took me awhile to get wholly invested in the story, but like a soft crescendo the story slowly built up momentum as Gennady and Daniel traversed the plains of the United States - a road trip of exchanging thoughts and ideas and views of their respective countries and their cultural differences and interests that while the divide was there and their opinions varied, it carried the hint of it being something they could both bond over. Their dynamic was so very fluid - so natural and believable was their dialogue, and me, a willing traveler among their many escapades. I liked that even amidst, all the teasing and enjoying each other's company - sharing personal intimate details about themselves so casually, as if inviting the other into their orbit - it is still prevalent at how tantamount their assignment is - how it's their main reason for the guise under which they're working together. 👌🏻👌🏻
But, it's also the time where homosexuality is one's worst vices - a cause for immediate persecution in their fields and enough for anyone to look over one's shoulder. It's a dangerous time, made more dangerous by the lingering attraction that starts to dawn between the two of them. And the writing truly shined in the authenticity of bringing to life that era. I loved how naturally Gennady was in awe of the novelties Daniel introduced him to. I pained for Daniel's latent understanding of his own bisexuality - a term not yet accepted, but one he was strongly feeling for this young Russian agent - someone who he could talk to so easily and ache to lean across and kiss him - knowing that it could be his ruin. 😢 I ached for Gennady's conscience, as he fought so hard not to act upon his duty - knowing that it would eat away at him - building up this trust with this delightful person, who's shown him nothing but kindness - even as he warred with himself over these newfound desires he was feeling for him. ❤️🩹❤️🩹
And yet, it's that moment when Gennady's cover slips - that he admits his reasoning for being here with Daniel - is the moment when they realize just how far they've fallen for each other. The tentative way in which either of them finally acted upon it - too afraid before for fear of what would happen. The writing is so smooth and fluid and so visceral with their feelings - am I explaining it right? Rich with descriptive detail - evoking all their pent-up passion. It felt so real - like I was privy to their relationship unfolding before me and that bittersweet feeling that this could only be for one night - 'if we had more time - but we don't. We have only tonight. And I want to do everything' - before they'll ever have the chance of this again. Nothing gets the romantic in me more riled up than the 'one night only' vibe - and their separation - you left my heart at the train station with them. 🤌🏻🫠🤌🏻
“If only there was some way to show someone your soul – not with words, which so easily became lies, but some way to let a person know that they could truly trust you not to hurt them.”
When they reunite in 1975 - it is a different stage in their lives for both of them. Daniel, married with children, Gennady, still a member of the KGB, but gracious enough to accept Daniel's invitation to spend time with him and his family. And while I was a bit uncomfortable with how easily Daniel's wife encouraged his pursuit in a sexual liaison with Gennady, 'swinging hasn't made it to Moscow' - it was with that much intensity and fervent desire that their relationship intensified. 😊 There's something almost frenzied about how they indulge in all that time that they missed out on - the way they clung to one another - asking fo Gennady who had stripped himself bare of any romantic pursuits in the line of his duty, to find a bit of solace and comfort in the arms of Daniel - the only man who ever made him feel loved and trusted and safe. 'After all, if you didn’t grab happiness when it was offered, it might never come again.' 🥹🥹 Those were definitely the golden days for them - the retreat to Daniel's dacha, that short reprieve of blissful passion and fulfillment of yearning that had escaped them in their younger years. I wanted so badly that even if it's been years - it's not too late to give them a chance of happiness - 'you have to grab happiness when you can find it.
Yet, there are still forces at play in their government, in their respective roles that could entrap them in a horrible ending - and cue the heartbreak and heart-ache. It's not fair and unjust and undoubtedly so cruel that even then and even now, they are not spared a moment of peace. 'Well, it was a beautiful dream, wasn’t it? The power of friendship bridges East and West, capitalist and communist, overpowers even the power of the state. Love is stronger than fear. When you want something to be true it is hard to believe that it isn’t.' 🥺 Both characters were deeply layered - there was a lot of depth to their personalities, their different social structures and the unique way in which they perceived the happenings around them - yet, still firmly staunch in their constituents. I liked both of them equally - Daniel's protective instincts of wanting to give Gennady the best of everything - not to doubt what they was real - how patient he was with Gennady's understanding of his attraction to him, that it wasn't wrong to want him. And Gennady's own insecurities, his own disbelief that he could finally have something real with a man - no less - spoke so many volumes beyond the words. That no matter how much the heart wants what it does - they can't have what they both need. In a very mature way, they approached it and once again, my heart was broken at how even now - they can't be together.💔💔
“I was surprised when you wrote to me,” Gennady said. “I thought I would never hear from you again. After the way we parted.”
“We parted because we realized that it was too likely that someone else might get hurt if we kept seeing each other,” Daniel said. “‘Until the world changes,’ you said. And then the world changed, so… I wrote to you.”
I suppose this will be my biggest issue until forever - that when a story covers such a wide time span - I will always be irked about how the division of attention to each time jump will not be balanced enough to truly display how the relationship can stand the test of time. Perhaps, it would have been rated a bit higher, had there not been an inclusion of the 90's meeting between the two. It felt rather underdeveloped - so very rushed and not very polished or even necessary for them to reunite. As much as my heart rejoiced at their meeting. I suppose that it was just too much to believe that their feelings for each other could still be the same as it was when they were twenty-six. 😔
But, Gennady and Daniel's story will stay with me for quite a bit; even if the writing took a bit longer than normal for me to be interested, it slowly became one of which I had not read before. It captured the fear of a time eager to catch anyone in an indecent act, it displayed the commitment and devotion of two people so eager to act upon a love that was doomed for failure, but hoped it would burn bright, and it ended with this tentative blazing hope that there is a chance that they could still find their hearts to each other again. 🥺 And it makes me feel sad - that even with this hopeful promise that they can share a future - it has to come so late in their lives. Under different circumstances, in a different time or place, maybe they could have had their happily ever after much sooner than the stage that they were at in the now. 🤍🤍