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I Am Not Sick, I Don't Need Help!: How to Help Someone Accept Treatment
In this updated edition of Dr. Amador's best selling book, you will learn why so many people with serious mental illness are in "denial" and refuse treatment.
Whether you are a family member, friend, or therapist, you will find hope in what the new research reveals and learn a step-by-step plan that shows you how to help someone with mental illness accept treatment.
254 pages, Paperback
First published January 1, 2000
603 people are currently reading
2590 people want to read
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 181 reviews
January 21, 2020
If you have a loved one (or even just an acquaintance) with mental illness it is normal to feel that you have to try to talk them into believing they are sick. Dr. Amador gives you first-hand advice on how to respond to this person....what to say/do and more importantly what NOT to say/do to get this person the help they need.
This book has helped me regain the relationship with my brother which I thought I would never have again. Understanding the principles of this book gave me insight into the needs and desires of my brother and allowed me to help him. Moreover the understanding I had gained helped my brother better understand his role in his health.
Very practical and helpful. Thank you Dr. Amador!
This book has helped me regain the relationship with my brother which I thought I would never have again. Understanding the principles of this book gave me insight into the needs and desires of my brother and allowed me to help him. Moreover the understanding I had gained helped my brother better understand his role in his health.
Very practical and helpful. Thank you Dr. Amador!
May 6, 2020
Exactly perfect for what it is. No more and no less than what it promises. If you need help talking to someone with serious mental illness, this will help you do that.
May 4, 2013
Good insights on how to deal with people with serious mental illness. I have followed some portions step by step. It's a good initial and overall encouraging book to help people outside the medical profession to understand the typical lack of insight that comes with some mental illnesses and a way to approach it. Between the chapter on commitment (to an institution) and the resolution there is an obvious gap that can be filled with months or even years of frustration and uncertainty, but thankfully there are more books on this subject and together they can help a reader to see this serious problem from different angles.
March 19, 2019
I really wish I had read this book sooner-- it would have helped me a lot last year. Very informative, well written book about anosognosia (lack of insight) as a symptom of mental illness, and ways to communicate that establish trust. Options and resources for mental health services are also provided.
December 17, 2020
There are few things in life more tragic than severe mental illness. Bipolar disorder and schizophrenia often render the afflicted person unable to work or form intimate relationships. In addition to psychosis, delusions, and hallucinations, many victims lack insight and are unable to adequately comprehend their own situation or the needs and feelings of others. The lack of insight (called anosognosia) often allows the afflicted person to discontinue medication when it is still desperately needed.
The book presents an approach to building trust with patients so that they can decide for themselves to accept the need for treatment and to persevere. It seems adequate to that task, but is unscientific, dated, too personal to the author (whose brother was schizophrenic), and too self-promotional.
The book presents an approach to building trust with patients so that they can decide for themselves to accept the need for treatment and to persevere. It seems adequate to that task, but is unscientific, dated, too personal to the author (whose brother was schizophrenic), and too self-promotional.
May 9, 2023
This book really helped me..... have an ongoing issue with a family member. Great insight.
July 28, 2011
Ah, such high hopes for this book - and after a promising beginning, it fell flat for me.
The only things of interest:
That a mentally ill person's conception/perception of themselves is stranded in time and therefore is cut off from important new information - especially when that information cannot fit - so they can't help but ignore or explain away any evidence that contradicts their self-concept.
That there can be pockets of unawareness and poor insight into their own symptoms and condition. Pockets of unawareness and awareness often co-exist side by side.
I liked his section on broken brains. I didn't like that he did not address rage and fear of one's safety - his examples for getting someone into treatment focused on parents committing their children or that moment of crisis when the police could be called. Different laws here, I think that committing someone is different here in Canada...still not the book I want - although it seemed like it would be, at first. Still based on the ability to have a conversation with the mentally ill person - a conversation that is not simply a stream of bile and rage.
The only things of interest:
That a mentally ill person's conception/perception of themselves is stranded in time and therefore is cut off from important new information - especially when that information cannot fit - so they can't help but ignore or explain away any evidence that contradicts their self-concept.
That there can be pockets of unawareness and poor insight into their own symptoms and condition. Pockets of unawareness and awareness often co-exist side by side.
I liked his section on broken brains. I didn't like that he did not address rage and fear of one's safety - his examples for getting someone into treatment focused on parents committing their children or that moment of crisis when the police could be called. Different laws here, I think that committing someone is different here in Canada...still not the book I want - although it seemed like it would be, at first. Still based on the ability to have a conversation with the mentally ill person - a conversation that is not simply a stream of bile and rage.
December 28, 2024
Really excellent - if you know someone who is struggling with a mental illness (or addiction), but who seems to be in "denial," I can't recommend this book highly enough. It's an analysis of the symptom called "anosognosia," or, lack of awareness, which is itself a symptom of illness, not a "personal issue" that someone needs to "get over." The book is full of humanizing stories and anecdotes, as well as very specific practical recommendations. The framework for "active listening" is great for any relationship, but especially one with these features.
January 27, 2024
This is a relatively simple book but it admirably weds scientific research with personal and clinical experience to offer the family members of those afflicted with schizophrenia and bipolar disorder (and to a lesser extent substance abuse) clear guidance for helping their loved ones accept treatment. The approach seems illogical at first but quickly comes to seem both humane and efficacious.
March 22, 2021
I'm glad they finally put out an audio version of this. I've barely been able to get a second to sit down and read lately in part because of things that inspired me to read this book. I'm a bit mad at myself for not reading it sooner. I haven't had the chance to try all of the techniques perfectly, though I have used some successfully. But the way he talks about psychosis and what it's like to interact with someone you care about or are working with who is dealing with psychosis are really helpful and accurate. I have a degree in psychology, only a bachelor's of science so I'm not a doctor or anything, but I don't recall ever learning anything like this. And that also makes me angry. I'm going to check and with a couple of friends with much more advanced degrees to see if they've heard of this book or method and what they think. If anyone seeing this has any recommendations for books similar to this one - meaning books about how to interact with someone close with psychosis respectfully, safely, and without losing my own mind, I'm definitely interested.
September 20, 2017
Gives me some hope
As a hyper-rational person (as a result of my own psychological issues), how can you conduct a rational argument with someone who has lost their capacity for reason? This book lays out a different strategy and some specific tools that I can use. I don't know about the effectiveness. But I'm hopeful.
As a hyper-rational person (as a result of my own psychological issues), how can you conduct a rational argument with someone who has lost their capacity for reason? This book lays out a different strategy and some specific tools that I can use. I don't know about the effectiveness. But I'm hopeful.
December 8, 2017
This is an excellent book designed to help people connect with and help a family member who has serious mental illness. If you have the sad misfortune of seeing a loved one become mentally ill, this book provides informative and step by step directions to help you build a trusting relationship with the loved one and ultimately influence the loved one to accept help
April 24, 2017
If you have anyone near you suffering from any sort of mental illness read this book (the 10th anniversary edition). I learned so much.
August 26, 2025
The medical model of patients simply following doctor's instructions doesn't work in developing awareness of illness in schizophrenia or other psychotic illnesses. The medications don't work either. There's just one tentative study showing that clozapine might improve awareness into illness in schizophrenia, that's about it.
How it usually works is that a patient whose psychotic illness worsens into being uncontrollable gets admitted to a hospital, given medications and over time he calms down and promises to take these medications after being discharged. Thus the doctor and other personnel are satisfied that they'd done their job, even though they're often openly cynical about how the patient will probably soon be brought back to the hospital. They're often right but what else could they do? What would work better?
The author has developed the LEAP method for exactly this situation, which is based on a mix of proven earlier methodologies, namely CBT, motivational interviewing and client-centered therapy. A good way to illustrate the different paradigm that is used here is well illustrated in a role play the author uses to teach this method. Just imagine I tell you that the house and the family you think you live with aren't actually real or they're inhabited by people who don't know you and if you turn up at the house again, they'll call the police and because of that you need to start taking anti-psychotic medications since you're not capable of understanding that. Would you be happy to take these medications? Probably not?
It just so happens that's exactly the position psychotic people are in. The delusions they experience are as real to them as regular reality is to us and while they might accept the medications they are given in an involuntary hospital environment, they'll stop taking them sooner or later once they get home. They never believed your (the doctor's) lecturing that his experienced reality doesn't actually exist, they just didn't want the hassle of arguing with you endlessly or they might have been scared of what would happen if they kept arguing.
So what is the better approach? The key is that the developing of awareness into illness starts from trusting relationships where the patient can express himself openly and feel safe in doing that. Thus when we start approaching patients like these from the perspective of the previously mentioned role-play, we open a window into this kind of a relationship. Using more questioning, less lecturing, refraining from giving of unsolicited advice, using reflective listening and empathy are some of the tools of the LEAP method.
We must keep in mind that what the patient actually thinks about the medications or need of treatment is always the most important thing since when he goes home, he'll always do what he thinks is true not what the doctor said. Another important part is that the awareness of the illness itself is not really the most important part but rather the awareness that medications can help the patient with some of the symptoms and functioning in life and awareness of the symptoms themselves. For example a patient who is hallucinating might admit that the drugs can help her stop talking by herself (to the voices) so she won’t be seen crazy to other people at her job or public places and thus she'll be able to function better in society. She will keep denying that she has any mental problems but that's not really important if she takes the drugs for the other reason.
This is the kind of surprising result that will emerge if you as a doctor, psychologist or family member of a psychotic person are able to utilize the LEAP method and your own empathy and curiosity to try to understand them. Once this kind of patient feels he is heard and understood, he will eventually genuinely ask you whether he needs the drugs which is already a million times more effective than the unsolicited advice of doctors who don't care enough to try to understand them anyway.
How it usually works is that a patient whose psychotic illness worsens into being uncontrollable gets admitted to a hospital, given medications and over time he calms down and promises to take these medications after being discharged. Thus the doctor and other personnel are satisfied that they'd done their job, even though they're often openly cynical about how the patient will probably soon be brought back to the hospital. They're often right but what else could they do? What would work better?
The author has developed the LEAP method for exactly this situation, which is based on a mix of proven earlier methodologies, namely CBT, motivational interviewing and client-centered therapy. A good way to illustrate the different paradigm that is used here is well illustrated in a role play the author uses to teach this method. Just imagine I tell you that the house and the family you think you live with aren't actually real or they're inhabited by people who don't know you and if you turn up at the house again, they'll call the police and because of that you need to start taking anti-psychotic medications since you're not capable of understanding that. Would you be happy to take these medications? Probably not?
It just so happens that's exactly the position psychotic people are in. The delusions they experience are as real to them as regular reality is to us and while they might accept the medications they are given in an involuntary hospital environment, they'll stop taking them sooner or later once they get home. They never believed your (the doctor's) lecturing that his experienced reality doesn't actually exist, they just didn't want the hassle of arguing with you endlessly or they might have been scared of what would happen if they kept arguing.
So what is the better approach? The key is that the developing of awareness into illness starts from trusting relationships where the patient can express himself openly and feel safe in doing that. Thus when we start approaching patients like these from the perspective of the previously mentioned role-play, we open a window into this kind of a relationship. Using more questioning, less lecturing, refraining from giving of unsolicited advice, using reflective listening and empathy are some of the tools of the LEAP method.
We must keep in mind that what the patient actually thinks about the medications or need of treatment is always the most important thing since when he goes home, he'll always do what he thinks is true not what the doctor said. Another important part is that the awareness of the illness itself is not really the most important part but rather the awareness that medications can help the patient with some of the symptoms and functioning in life and awareness of the symptoms themselves. For example a patient who is hallucinating might admit that the drugs can help her stop talking by herself (to the voices) so she won’t be seen crazy to other people at her job or public places and thus she'll be able to function better in society. She will keep denying that she has any mental problems but that's not really important if she takes the drugs for the other reason.
This is the kind of surprising result that will emerge if you as a doctor, psychologist or family member of a psychotic person are able to utilize the LEAP method and your own empathy and curiosity to try to understand them. Once this kind of patient feels he is heard and understood, he will eventually genuinely ask you whether he needs the drugs which is already a million times more effective than the unsolicited advice of doctors who don't care enough to try to understand them anyway.
February 9, 2020
This is an Outstanding book, a life-changer and one everyone should read, who has a family member or friend with serious mental illness. I Love LEAP (Listen, Empathize, Partner, Agree) --his method for communication--which is basically Non-Violent Communication, combined with Motivational Interviewing and Cognitive Therapy of Depression, Parent-Effectiveness-Training.
I love Xavier's relationship with Henry, his brother with Schizophrenia.
I think Dr. Amador is a truly gifted human being and I admire him greatly.
While this book is accessible and not hard to read, it took me awhile. I didn't speed through it, because I was reading other books at the time but mainly because I wanted to retain what the book had to say.
As a Physician, this book has already helped me with my patients and will help me even more.
It is peculiar; a few years back, I actually didn't think I needed "Empathy Training" because I am an Empath and felt I was empathetic to the point of ridiculousness already! While it is certainly true I am an Empath, EVERYONE needs training in how to communicate with people, family, clients, patients with whom you have a conflict.
When someone has a problem with YOU--even if you don't have a problem with them and are already on their side!--you need to know how to respond that won't make the conflict WORSE.
I never realized how many people in my life had a problem with ME, whom I thought were super cool and wonderful and great people. I thought we were tolerant of each other's quirks and respected each other's good qualities. Then I found out, these same people hated my guts, and I was devestated. I wish I had known about NCV and LEAP as it would have helped me know how to respond. And I wish I had known then what this book has taught me, that there are a whole BUNCH of SICK people who don't know they are sick and blame all their problems on everyone else.
Sure, I am empathetic and compassionate, but still there is ALWAYS room for improving my technique with patients, in using the right words with them and withothers I care about. Empathy will only get you so far--which is to the point when you feel frustrated with someone's stubbornness or lack of insight or toxic communication style--at that point, you need more than compassion, you need Xavier's "Batman Tool Belt." You need that Grappling Hook to bridge the gap between you and someone behaving in an irrational way.
I love that when I got a text from someone the other day to ask for a favor, a person I had wanted to befriend who hadn't even bothered to stay in contact with me, that my reaction was, "Oh, they don't KNOW they are sick, they can't help it" rather than jumping to judgment or criticism or feeling bad about it. (I did say "No" to the favor though--not because I wouldn't want to help that person, but it would require me telling a lie, and I am not okay with lying).
Super super valuable book. Recommend for everyone. Because we ALL know someone with mental illness we wish we could help or support in their struggle.
I love Xavier's relationship with Henry, his brother with Schizophrenia.
I think Dr. Amador is a truly gifted human being and I admire him greatly.
While this book is accessible and not hard to read, it took me awhile. I didn't speed through it, because I was reading other books at the time but mainly because I wanted to retain what the book had to say.
As a Physician, this book has already helped me with my patients and will help me even more.
It is peculiar; a few years back, I actually didn't think I needed "Empathy Training" because I am an Empath and felt I was empathetic to the point of ridiculousness already! While it is certainly true I am an Empath, EVERYONE needs training in how to communicate with people, family, clients, patients with whom you have a conflict.
When someone has a problem with YOU--even if you don't have a problem with them and are already on their side!--you need to know how to respond that won't make the conflict WORSE.
I never realized how many people in my life had a problem with ME, whom I thought were super cool and wonderful and great people. I thought we were tolerant of each other's quirks and respected each other's good qualities. Then I found out, these same people hated my guts, and I was devestated. I wish I had known about NCV and LEAP as it would have helped me know how to respond. And I wish I had known then what this book has taught me, that there are a whole BUNCH of SICK people who don't know they are sick and blame all their problems on everyone else.
Sure, I am empathetic and compassionate, but still there is ALWAYS room for improving my technique with patients, in using the right words with them and withothers I care about. Empathy will only get you so far--which is to the point when you feel frustrated with someone's stubbornness or lack of insight or toxic communication style--at that point, you need more than compassion, you need Xavier's "Batman Tool Belt." You need that Grappling Hook to bridge the gap between you and someone behaving in an irrational way.
I love that when I got a text from someone the other day to ask for a favor, a person I had wanted to befriend who hadn't even bothered to stay in contact with me, that my reaction was, "Oh, they don't KNOW they are sick, they can't help it" rather than jumping to judgment or criticism or feeling bad about it. (I did say "No" to the favor though--not because I wouldn't want to help that person, but it would require me telling a lie, and I am not okay with lying).
Super super valuable book. Recommend for everyone. Because we ALL know someone with mental illness we wish we could help or support in their struggle.
April 8, 2025
My daughter has schizophrenia and when she was at her worst, she did not see anything wrong. She was convinced she was okay. She honestly scared me and our family. She was so mentally checked out, it was like my daughter checked out, and something evil took over.
It was so hard as a mom to love your child so much. Wanting to get her help and being scared for my life at the same time. It was traumatizing. I'm still traumatized. This book helped me understand a lot of what she was going through.
Schizophrenia is no joke, and I must admit, we need to do better in the mental health system. They did absolutely nothing to help her. Despite my pleas, the family's pleas and even that of complete strangers plea. She went to the psychwards over 10 times in a year. Not one of them kept her after a couple of days.
Even though she had suicidal and homicidal ideations. Slit her hand and wiped the blood on a strangers face. It was horrifying.
This book was insightful, but it's ultimately up to the mental health system to treat and care for those with this horrible mental illness better. Idc if the patient is an adult, if their family and strangers are begging the hospitals and psychwards to keep someone for the safety of all and adequately treat them, they should!!
Thank god she didn't seriously hurt someone or herself. She thankfully started taking her meds and is back to herself. But the damage has been done. She scared me so badly that I'm still nervous around her. It sucks.
Anyway, this book was very helpful and very insightful.
It was so hard as a mom to love your child so much. Wanting to get her help and being scared for my life at the same time. It was traumatizing. I'm still traumatized. This book helped me understand a lot of what she was going through.
Schizophrenia is no joke, and I must admit, we need to do better in the mental health system. They did absolutely nothing to help her. Despite my pleas, the family's pleas and even that of complete strangers plea. She went to the psychwards over 10 times in a year. Not one of them kept her after a couple of days.
Even though she had suicidal and homicidal ideations. Slit her hand and wiped the blood on a strangers face. It was horrifying.
This book was insightful, but it's ultimately up to the mental health system to treat and care for those with this horrible mental illness better. Idc if the patient is an adult, if their family and strangers are begging the hospitals and psychwards to keep someone for the safety of all and adequately treat them, they should!!
Thank god she didn't seriously hurt someone or herself. She thankfully started taking her meds and is back to herself. But the damage has been done. She scared me so badly that I'm still nervous around her. It sucks.
Anyway, this book was very helpful and very insightful.
May 13, 2022
must read
If you know someone who has been diagnosed with a mental health disorder, this is a must read, especially if you see they are unable to acknowledge their illness. If you have a friend with a loved one who has been diagnosed, this is a must read, and the kindest thing you could do to start supporting them in this lifelong journey.
If you know someone who has been diagnosed with a mental health disorder, this is a must read, especially if you see they are unable to acknowledge their illness. If you have a friend with a loved one who has been diagnosed, this is a must read, and the kindest thing you could do to start supporting them in this lifelong journey.
March 4, 2021
This book is profoundly helpful in dealing with those with mental illness. Although it focuses on someone with schizophrenia, there are also common themes that can be used when dealing with a person with mental illness or dementia.
July 9, 2022
Excellent for anyone needing to learn to communicate more clearly with loved ones who are struggling with mental illness.
February 26, 2020
It took me a long time to read this book. Not because I didn't find it interesting or hard to understand. More because I wanted to take my time and absorb it. I find myself recommending this book often because of the practical advice I found within the covers. If you have someone who doesn't think they are ill, this is a wonderful resource to put in your library. I also found many useful ideas for conversations with anyone who battles any kind of illness.
July 29, 2018
Great insight
A must-have to understand these specific illnesses, and understand how to cope with them. Worth a second read. I highly recommend this book.
A must-have to understand these specific illnesses, and understand how to cope with them. Worth a second read. I highly recommend this book.
February 13, 2009
Living with or just trying to help a psychotic relative can be frightening and frustrating to say the least. Sometimes their behavior is just confusing and sometimes it becomes dangerous. As a psychologist with a schizophrenic brother, Dr. Amador shows family and friends that they are not alone in their experience. His book uses plain English and actual case files to help demystify bizarre behaviors and show why it's not simply stubbornness or denial that prevents them from seeking help. More importantly, it gives concrete suggestions for how to get your loved one into treatment and help them accept medication and therapy. This book is a MUST read for anyone with a mentally ill family member.
March 29, 2021
Such a helpful book to read for anyone facing a situation of trying to help someone they care about when "common sense" is not so common. To learn and understand that the process of perceiving one's situation is also done by the brain and can be affected when a person suffers from a disease affecting their brain (which is the hardware for the person's mind) has been an eye-opening piece of information that's a game-changer. Gives hope or at least a road map of how to move beyond arguing in circles about subjective realities start working towards recovery.
July 3, 2021
This is a wonderful resource for how to prioritize relationships in communication over difficult topics with loved ones. The skill presented here is LEAP Listening which you can also Google and learn about quickly through YouTube videos and a Ted Talk. The audiobook is a brief primer with focused examples and that’s all I needed.
August 14, 2021
This book is an essential resource for people trying to understand and help a loved one or a patient who struggles with psychosis. Includes a plan for how to help: Listen, Empathize, Agree, Partner (LEAP).
September 1, 2007
Very helpful. A bit repetitive for me.
December 22, 2015
Conversational, helpful approach to aiding friend or family member who has any form of mental illness. Easy reading.
June 30, 2017
Excellent read for anyone who has a loved one with poor insight due to a mental illness and more importantly how to deal with it all
July 18, 2017
An incredible book for those with loved ones with a mental illness! Highly recommended!
October 20, 2017
Excellent resource for families dealing with serious mental illness.
Displaying 1 - 30 of 181 reviews