You Can Talk to God Like That: The Surprising Power of Lament to Save Your Faith

by Abby Norman

Praise is the only path to God--at least this is what many of us have been taught. But the notion that we have to be positive all the time, putting on a happy face through anger, frustration, and pain, hinders our ability not only to heal ourselves and society, but to have an authentic relationship with the Divine.

We long to connect with God over the very real sorrow in our lives and in the world around us, but so many of us were never shown how. This lack of knowing how to lament--an ancient practice of expressing anger and pain to God--damages us personally and spiritually.

Pastor Abby Norman is here to tell us that we can talk to God like that. In her fresh, tell-it-like-it-is voice, she unpacks the power of lament, providing us with the tools and the grace-filled permission to heal the problems we have been ignoring for too long. She shows us how to express our laments to God and to each other when things are definitely not okay. And through this process we will discover a richer connection with God--who has wanted nothing more than our whole selves from the start.

Genres: Nonfiction, Theology, Prayer, Spirituality

136 pages, Kindle Edition

Published May 18, 2021

Reviews

[Jamie · Rating 5 out of 5]

I found this book to be an exceptional guide for addressing the complex emotions of life through the lens of faith and I don’t know a single person who has done that more effectively in their writing and true storytelling than Abby Norman. As the title would suggest, it will discuss some topics surrounding various forms of loss that may trigger the already grieving, so I would highly recommend a reading buddy or a group discussion for those who may currently find themselves needing support in that space. The pastoral care with which the whole book is presented takes a compassionate approach to the more difficult topics, which is something we truly need for our time. It's like the author is walking alongside you, ready to hold your hand as often as you need it. It blew me away to hear the idea that telling God exactly what you think *is* an act of worship. This is a book you can return to again and again for scriptures and prayers to guide you through the bold and worthwhile process of practicing lament.

[Amy Sauder]

Something big in the Bible that we try to completely hide away and forget even exists is lament. I don’t think I’ve heard a message on lament in….. *crickets* *looks at watch*…. nope, never.

We prefer to think about the fruit of the spirit is love joy and peace, and God works things together for good, and we don’t grieve like those with no hope, and the joy of the Lord is my strength. We like to skip to the “happily ever after” in the Bible stories, the red sea parting and the restoring doublefold and the resurrection – not the centuries of slavery or losing everything as a pawn in a supernatural contest or the crucifixion. We don’t want to sit in that place.

And Abby Norman‘s new book “You Can Talk to God Like That” is a breath of fresh air for the church and the world and for me. You can read more of my review at amylsauder.com/2021/05/06/spiritual-p...

[Kari · Rating 4 out of 5]

In one of my classes, we have talked a lot about what comes next for churches. Literally all of us have experienced grief and stress and are traumatized by what has happened over the past year. We have been cut off from our rituals and our grieving processes. What can the church do to help? This is a good resource for Sunday School classes and small groups to talk about processing that grief together. You might say, “Kari, I know I can express my anger at God,” but I would argue that it’s always good to be reminded to bring our full selves to God and to church community. Abby Norman walks us through ideas about personal lament, communal lament, and public lament for justice. I do wish it was a little longer but the length will probably help make it more accessible for small groups. Out May 18; preorder now.

[Sandy Hay · Rating 5 out of 5]

YOU CAN TALK TO GOD LIKE THAT
Abby Norman

Lament…what is that? This is the question I asked myself when I started to read YOU CAN TALK TO GOD LIKE THAT. I’d certainly never heard a sermon about lament. Nor had I ever heard a sermon about yelling at God, being angry with God. My eyes and mind and heart were quickly
opened to a part of worship I’d never heard about, much less even thought about. Lament is something I needed to learn,something I should learn.

Today’s church experience teaches us to praise God and thank God but if you read the Bible at all, you’ll see verse after verse of people crying out to God. Why were they doing this?

Abby Norman writes about being authentic with God. She tells us to stop pretending we are fine and tell God exactly how we are.

“Lament creates a space where we can name the things that are broken in our lives and invite God and our community to enter the work of healing those wounds with us.” (page 17). Moses did this. David did this. Jesus did this.

YOU CAN TALK TO GOD LIKE THAT may not be an easy read but it’s worth every minute.

[Ruth Chowdhury · Rating 5 out of 5]

In this book about lament, Abby Norman describes the various ways to lament & relates it to the reader in a very personal & applicable way.
She reassures the reader that not only is it okay to be honest with God about any emotion, it’s actually good. Being angry with God isn’t bad; God can handle anything we say, and being honest in lament will allow for healing to begin.
As I was reading this book, I was able to learn what it means to lament personally, as part of a community, and publicly. Lament is an agent of change - within ourselves & within others. I highly recommend You CAN Talk to God Like That for anyone who wants or needs to be encouraged to be real with God.

[Dawn Beauchamp · Rating 5 out of 5]

An amazing reminder that God can handle our chaotic mess. He does not need perfection. Faith does not require 24/7 sunshine and rainbows. If you question if God can handle the insanity of our less than perfect, overly crazy, full of problems world, pick up this book! Learn the steps to lament what is wrong and join with God in your trials and tribulations.

[Beth · Rating 5 out of 5]

I finished this book in 2 days and already bought 2 copies for others. It is a needed book about how important lament is for ourselves and our communities. I can't wait for Pastor Abby's next book!

[Runa · Rating 5 out of 5]

Holy buckets. Ya'll. I don't know about you, but I grew up thinking that getting angry at God was okay for Jacob but anyone else it was a big no no. (Even he walked away wrenched from the encounter for wrestling.

The past few years I've been 'remodeling my faith' through deconstruction and hope, and trying to figure out why American Christianity on a whole doesn't feel like the joyous faith I had when I was younger. With 2020, and honestly the past 20 years, or more, it felt like I was told to just trust the system and the Church and God and quiet the voice inside that had questions, and was scared.
This book is so FREAKING LIBERATING.
GOD CAN TAKE IT.
GOD CAN HANDLE IT!
WHO KNEW!?
Abby, and some other people, but it feels like just an ocean of grace and permission to not hold anything back anymore. God, it's so good. Seriously, if you are feeling like your emotions haven't been able to be shown with God or others, you need this book asap. If your faith feels off, or you're like hey, God, you still there? Get this book. Abby has given me a deep deep soul level gift through this book, and I know by reading it you will be forever altered as well.
Seriously, stop reading. Go get this book.
May your faith be radiant, true, grounded, and embodied.
Thank you Abby Norman for writing the book we didn't know we needed.
My soul and my faith thank you with every fiber of my being.

[Andrea Humphries · Rating 5 out of 5]

Especially after the absolute dumpster fire that was 2020, we all need this book. I'm incredibly grateful to Abby Norman for writing it. She is honest, vulnerable, and delightfully blunt. She calls it like she sees it, whether what she's looking at is Western society or Scripture. She has given her readers an all-encompassing permission slip to acknowledge our own feelings, mourn with those who mourn, and call out the injustices that surround us so that they can be fixed. I'll be recommending this book for years to come.

[Janet Moore · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book is changing the way I pray... and the way I interact with others in sharing my needs.

[Jill Locklear · Rating 5 out of 5]

Abby Norman's writing is both beautiful and real talk! A down to Earth perspective that will deepen your relationship with God!

[bookme4life · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book came at a time when I needed lament and spoke to me where I am. May it do the same for you as well.

[Jenna · Rating 5 out of 5]

Abby Norman presents a much-needed view of lament in a Live Laugh Love world.

What happens when you can't deal with all the #Blessed privilege anymore and need some honest, raw vulnerability with God? What happens when you experience pain and see marginalization and encounter doubt? Hopefully, you know you can talk to God about it. And if you don't know about that, Abby helps you get there. Authenticity is woven throughout this book, with heartache and regret and humor and refreshing real talk about the world that doesn't shy away from confronting racism, abuse, chronic illness, and more. Abby is a faithful ally to marginalized communities, including mine (LGBTQIA+), and is a pastor with a creative mind, open hands in generosity, and a heart for empathy that isn't afraid to get messy. It's these qualities and more that make her the perfect person to write about lament without getting sappy, melodramatic, or melancholy. Instead, Abby gives a permission slip to answer "How are you" without "fine." In fact, she points out how phrases like that hurt us and our connection with others.

You'll probably see situations you can relate to or have encountered or have wondered about. You'll exhale in relief as she says what you've hoped someone would say. It's permission to say the thing. An invitation to authenticity. A communal cry (of anger, of heartache, of grief, or frustration or longing, whatever you need, it's here). It's pastoral and real talk with a friend and a sister's hand on your shoulder.

While it's not written TO leaders, this is an especially important read for leaders. Whether you're a pastor or a parent or a manager or an older sibling or someone people turn to with their pain, you need this book. You're going to need to know these concepts and be able to share them in community.

If it's been a while since you've prayed, since you've been able to find the right words to approach God, since you've felt like talking to God at all... this is not a quick fix, not a Tips for Prayer book. This is a book that says, well, you can talk to God just like that.

[J.L. Neyhart · Rating 5 out of 5]

Read my full review at JenniferNeyhart.com

Abby Norman is a pastor and a gifted writer and it shows. The first thing that jumped off the page as I started reading this book was Abby’s pastoral tone. She is not preaching at you about lament. She is coming alongside you to encourage you as she talks about how lament can draw us in closer to God.

Abby tweeted in December of 2020 that she didn't mean to write an increasingly relevant book, but she did! The past year and a half of dealing with the pandemic and the chaotic political nonsense, along with the ongoing violence against Black people by police officers, mass shootings… there is no shortage of things to lament.

Abby is a great writer and I am sure she is a great pastor. Abby and I have been internet friends for longer than I can remember now, and I even got to meet her in person at Evolving Faith in 2018. She has been such an encouragement to me in ways big and small over the years. And I am so thankful she wrote this book! I think it could encourage a lot of people. I know it encouraged me. I ended up reading it in one sitting but I definitely want to go back through it and take my time with it.

One particularly moving part was when Abby talked about how we can hold hope for each other, and sometimes we need that because hope is too heavy for us sometimes.

My favorite part (if I have to choose just one thing) is the prayers Abby prays for her readers at the end of each chapter and at the end of the book. These prayers wash over me like the ones Sarah Bessey often prays for her readers and listeners.

What are you waiting for? Go get her book and read it! :-)

[Lisa Smith · Rating 5 out of 5]

"Lament is our way to reconcile an unjust world with a God who loves us beyond all measure. Lament changes us, and it changes the world, if only we trust God enough to cry out." Abby Norman's words are so powerful and she offers words of wisdom about taking our whole selves to God. She talks about lament, grief, changing our minds and admitting we were wrong. Abby uses both examples and practices to implement lament in our personal lives and lament in our communities. Lament is something that I think we all need now, personally and as a society.

[Jessica · Rating 5 out of 5]

Profoundly beautiful book on lament. I so appreciate Abby’s words and reminders of what God offers to us through the practice of lament. We can know others and been known by others in deep community and move towards healing and wholeness together if we are willing to be honest about all. the. things. God invites us to that and is big enough to hold that space for us.

[Fayelle · Rating 5 out of 5]

Our society stinks at lament. Because it's uncomfortable. Because it's an inconvenience. Because we don't really know what it means or what it leads to.

This book is a really refreshing, straightforward light switch that turns all our shadows bright. Educational and deeply moving, convicting and affirming. What beautiful connection we can make with God when we learn how to honestly lament. In all things.

So happy to have read this!

[Aaron J Smith · Rating 5 out of 5]

Abby norman writes with honesty and integrity as she uncovers the importance, necessity, and freedom of lament in today's world.

[Katie Kaboom · Rating 5 out of 5]

I walked into this book expecting that I knew everything about Lamenting, and almost discouraged to read "yet another Christian book on emotions and prayer"
...
This is NOT that book. I was baffled, and blown away by the first chapter. I remember going "Huh. Maybe I judged this" to "Wow. I was SO wrong." It is so refreshing to see a Woman writing from the pulpit against The Church and calling out those who need it most.
...
I could go on FOREVER; but I won't. If you are grieving the world we live in, as any Christian should, read it.

[Linda Shaw · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is one of the most powerful and profound books I've ever read!!

[Annie · Rating 4 out of 5]

There is a lot to lament in this world - big, global things but also small, personal ones. Often Christians get the message that God honors those who are successful and prosperous. Abby Norman gives us permission to bring all of our feelings, worries, and messiness to God. God wants to hear from us - all of us! This book is for anyone who has wondered if they CAN talk to God "like that." (The answer? Yes! You can! And it will deepen your relationship with God!) Especially after this past tumultuous year, this is a book that offers healing.

[Hailey Collier · Rating 3 out of 5]

I wanted to love this book SO badly! I was thrilled reading the title— lament is such a needed topic within the church & it’s the first larger work I’ve read on it. The first third of her book was excellent! Beautiful weavings of personal testimony & biblical truth. However, she lost me around chapter five & that kinda continued until the end. Though I can see why she made the conclusions/personal changes she did, I’m not sure I see the same for me. Nor did I necessarily understand their emphasis for this book’s purpose. Many of the things I disagreed with seemed like forced rants, like they didn’t naturally fit or continue her arguments. I’m purposely being vague for the sake of omitting spoilers. You’re welcome to read the chapter titles & discern for yourself.

I’d imagined this being a resource I could recommend, as I see many friends who are deconstructing— & specifically in their inability to hold the depth of suffering with the goodness of God. I think biblical lament is the bridge between these two!! I’m hopeful to share some of what I took away from this book, but since it was a bit of “chew the meat, spit the bones,” I’m cautious to hand it over entirely.

Lament is something I’m actively wrestling with in my faith too. Through prolonged/complicated grief, abuse & resulting trauma, the possibility of lifelong mental illness— I believe there’s a way to be rightfully sad, & faithful in doing so! It isn’t always welcomed in spaces of worship & far more often than not, believers are accused of not enough [faith, hope, joy, etc.] when expressing their lament. Norman addresses these things so well.

And I know simply because I disagree with some of her beliefs doesn’t mean it’s a “bad book.” I’m comfortable with holding tension, knowing we don’t have to agree on everything as believers. I just felt disappointed & a little misled. I wished she had remained more neutral. In a very us vs. them cultural time of theology, this is quite heavy sided.

[Lauren Barton · Rating 4 out of 5]

I would like to give this 3.5 stars. It is short and interesting, but needed a better editor. There are really two parts to the book. The first part was more of 4 stars- it was well written. It talked about the power of lament as a powerful way to come together and pray. It also spoke to the important role this type of prayer has in helping us reflect on, acknowledge, and share our true emotions. This idea meshes well with other books many may have read such as Brown’s book ‘Atlas of the Heart.’ For those familiar with these ideas, it lingered on a bit. However, I can see that, for some, this shift from a praise-only type of prayer or response to a more genuine one that may include more lament may need some underscoring and repetition.
The second half of the book is probably 3 stars or a little less. While I agree with much of the sentiment, the author seems to clutch to the word ‘lament’ to focus in on problems and injustices she sees in the church and the world. This probably should be a separate book, or at least a part two. While talking about the kinds of things the church as a group or our society can lament and use this as a starting point for change, I think it comes across a little off-putting and may not bring about the universal response she hopes for….It may be that if readers think of those as examples, it would help minimize the feeling that she is telling us what is worthy of lament.
In the end, I give it four stars because the book has an important role in sparking conversation about the need for accepting and sharing genuine voices that sometimes include dismay and the feelings we have in response to situations rather than a forced tone of unthinking acceptance and submission with joy to anything. Plus, lamenting together and acknowledging others’ needs to lament even if we see differences in a situation may help many of us endure difficult times ahead. It is a very short book. Check it out and form your own opinion.

[Nora Hacker · Rating 5 out of 5]

To be honest, I have never had trouble talking to "God like that." The struggle comes when I was surrounded in my faith community with people who can't talk to God like that and who corrected me when I did talk like that. The ways white, mostly conservative, Christianity labels emotions good or bad, connected to the strength of your faith, and actively teaches you to suspect your own feelings leaves people trapped in bubbles of positivity in a world that is not always going well. For years I bought the message that my very connection to lament made ME the failure at loving God. But now I see my ability to feel pain for suffering, whether it is my own or my neighbors, is one of the very things that allows me to love both God and my neighbor more deeply.

I would not have written this book as I don't know if I could believe anyone would hear it, but I'm very Glad that Abby Norman has. The truths that she presents are accompanied by relatable, personal stories that for me brings a lot of healing to all those ways I was told I had failed in the past. And I believe the gentleness and compassion that says this is a "we" problem not a "you" problem has the potential to draw people out and bring them healing so that instead of "problems, anger, and sorrow" becoming a crisis of faith...it becomes the deep invitation to be comforted by a loving, loving, compassionate God that it was always meant to be.

[Shaley Hoogendoorn · Rating 5 out of 5]

I am in love with this book!!!! I didn’t know how much I needed these honest words about lament, grief and faith. There is so much truth and wisdom in every chapter. I couldn’t put it down. I felt seen and understood. I used to think I was a downer or a terrible believer because I don’t always have the “joy of the Lord”. You Can Talk To God Like That is helping me unpack all of the harmful theology I used to believe. Knowing that there are others out there that believe in God cares about all our big feelings gives me great comfort. Abby’s wise words have reminded me why I still believe.

[Kayte · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is full of truths that are never discussed, especially in communities of faith. It was exactly what I needed to read coming out of, but still in, a very difficult season of life. Thank you to the author, Abby Norman, for having the courage to write these words and show readers another path to an authentic and transparent relationship with God and themselves. I cannot recommend this book enough. ALL the stars.

[Elena Delhagen · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book was a great and beautiful unlearning for my faith life. Many of us, myself included, shy away from dealing with big, messy emotions like lament and grief with God. Abby’s wisdom and teaching in this book gives us permission to explore those feelings and shows us how essential for our faith they are. She writes as if she’s sitting at the table with you, chatting over coffee, and it immediately puts the reader at ease. This book is recommended for any and everyone!

[Bethany Fader · Rating 2 out of 5]

The best parts of this book were the reminders that we should be real and honest with God and pour out our hearts (pain, grief, frustration) to Him. How being honest with God about our feelings can deepen our relationship with Him. But about 2/3 in I came upon some bad theology that is straight up false and that tainted the rest of the book for me.

[Joan · Rating 4 out of 5]

Norman's writing is very down to earth. Even if you think you know it's OK to be angry with God she really brings the message home. It's a liberating concept but as she points out lamenting is hard work. There's a lot to contemplate in this little book.

[Millicent Flake · Rating 5 out of 5]

Loved, loved this book! I felt like I was having coffee with Abby Norman. She gives us permission to be sad and angry and to express those feelings to God. I have given away several copies to friends going through hard times.