How to Be a Difficult Bitch: Claim Your Power, Ditch the Haters, and Feel Good Doing It

by Halley Bondy, Mary C. Fernandez, Zara Hanawalt

In the past, being a difficult bitch was bad. Girls weren't supposed to call people out for their BS, stand up for themselves, or do their own thing. This book embraces the insult with irreverent humor, encouraging listeners to be themselves no matter what, including an exploration of the ways this phrase can be interpreted differently among people of different backgrounds.

Being a powerhouse is a choice. It's a lifestyle. It's a code of ethics. It takes work, a thick skin, and perseverance. In this book, you'll learn the ins and outs of being a Difficult Bitch, from school to friends to body to life.

Genres: Nonfiction, Feminism

152 pages, Library Binding

First published April 5, 2022

About the author

Halley Bondy is a professional freelance writer, journalist, editor, producer, and mom based in Brooklyn. You can find her articles in NBC News, The Balance, Contently, Digital Trends, Bustle, Romper, The Outline, MTV, and more. She writes scripts for the “Masters of Scale” podcast, and has written for “You Must Remember This.” She has written three other books for Zest including "Speak Up, a guide to having a say and speaking your mind." Learn more at www.thisishalley.com.

Reviews

[Sage · Rating 5 out of 5]

OMG I wish this book had existed when I was entering high school. As it is, even 30 years later, I still found this an incredibly emotional read.

Teens, read this. Parents, read this too. The term "bitch" is used in its most empowered and empowering form, and there's a discussion early on about the different uses (disparaging and not) of the term. I admit I'm not a huge fan of the word "bitch," but there's power in coopting disparaging terms to defang them. In the end, it all serves young people's drive to advocate for themselves in areas of life where they may not feel like they have a ton of control. This includes school, friendships, extra-curriculars, work/money, relationships, etc. There's a primer on money management, a checklist of manipulative relationships, a great how-to on setting good boundaries with friends who may or may not realize they're stepping on your toes, and so on.

I clicked the "children" tag because I don't think it's too mature for more precocious 8th graders. At least, back in my day we were shedding our innocence as quickly as we could. OTOH, I read Cujo when I was 12, so ymmv.

Appropriate for girls, boys, trans kids, kids with disabilities, able bodied kids, queer kids, straight kids, athletic kids, theatre kids, math kids, economics kids, gifted/talented kids, regular-class kids, and older humans of all types. If you're a human who will ever have to live in society and deal with other humans, this is worth a read.

ARC

[Arianne Padilla · Rating 3 out of 5]

3.5 ⭐ my last completed book of 2023. I was super intrigued by the title as I was straightening the new nonfiction teen shelf at the library. It was a quick and easy read and I definitely would've devoured it as a teen. The authors discuss school, online safety, confidence etc. I love the inclusion of marginalized voices.

[Melissa · Rating 3 out of 5]

My mom bought this for me and neither one of us realised its for teenagers hahaha. Regardless, not a bad read really.

[Jane Lively · Rating 3 out of 5]

Received free copy from NetGalley for review ✨ This review & more @ izzy.blog.

I have mixed feelings on this book, all around.

- laziness is an ableist concept in a society where productivity and hustle culture is of the utmost importance. Did not appreciate reference to laziness because it just perpetuates bad shit.

- equating the idea that if you don't own your power is altogether a bad, ableist move

- how is being a difficult bitch legit when you should also consider how your actions of not owning power make you appear "lazy" to other people? I'm autistic and frequently nonverbal, and this is not an easy feat for me. The examples given would have made me feel like complete shit if I were reading this as a teen

- despite being a 30yo person, I found the relationship chart helpful to determine whether a relationship in my life is actually a toxic one or in just being petty. It helped me to see that I'm just gaslighting myself and that this relative does, indeed, display toxic traits — especially since I'm frequently expected to do things for them despite having my own life. Just because they're busier because of the life they chose doesn't mean I can't have the boundary of not catering to their every whim.

- Was going fine until the Activist Bitch chapter. Lazy activism is NOT just reposting things, sharing links, and/or being a spectator. Not everyone has the energy/spoons to engage in heavy activism. Again, it's disappointing that a book about being a difficult bitch and supposedly being in on all the nuances of today's political climate would insist so much on the usage of the word "lazy" and other ableist concepts. Seriously.

There were some good parts. Generally speaking, this book is great for teens. Specifically speaking, it is an imperfect work at best that needs more perfecting and accessibility. It was obviously created with non-autistic people in mind by default.

[Jennifer Sullivan · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book is directed at girls and women in their late teens and early twenties, would be perfect for a "new adult" section if your library has one. The content is all about knowing your own worth, being empowered, and speaking up for yourself, but also about being respectful and kind to others. There are multiple contributors in order to provided different points of view, particularly for those of color and who have disabilities or differences.

Content-wise, it is a pretty good book with great advice for young women, though I wish it had been written with a more sincere, less gimmicky tone. I have to admit I'm not crazy about the title and the endless repetition of variations of the term "difficult bitch" through the book. It is a cheap gimmick to attract attention and appeal to teens, but it gets annoying after a few times and detracts from the content. It definitely will be offensive to some people, and could make it more difficult for teens to have access to the book considering the wave of censorship sweeping across the country.

Also, in the very beginning, it talks about the word "bitch" and its various usages and connotations, and how the authors are reclaiming the word to refer to someone who is strong, empowered, and knows their worth, and that it should not be used as an insult or put-down to women or men, or to refer to someone behaving negatively, such as being rude, mean, selfish, inconsiderate, etc. But then within the next page or two, the author uses the word "dick" in exactly that way, which seems really hypocritical to me.

However, it does have some good content and positive messages; I just feel a little more editing is needed and I would reconsider the title.

[I received a free digital ARC from the publisher via NetGalley in exchange for an honest review]

[Annie · Rating 4 out of 5]

Originally posted on my blog: Nonstop Reader.

How to Be a Difficult Bitch is a very well written graphic novel collection on empowerment and inclusion by Halley Bondy and aimed at young people (~12+). Due out 5th April 2022 from Lerner on their Zest Books imprint, it's 152 pages and will be available in paperback, audio, and ebook formats.

The chapters are arranged thematically and cover social aspects of learning to be confident (but not -mean-) and strong in a lot of areas including financial strength, online safety and health (lots of good anti-bullying info here), as well as at school, mental and physical health, relationships, and most other aspects of life. This is a very empowering and accessibly written book, full of humor and important observations. It's well illustrated throughout and salient bullet point lists are highlighted in text boxes for emphasis.

Four stars. This would be a superlative choice for public or school libraries (potential warnings apply for frank language and concepts - I didn't find anything objectionable, but we're living in a world where school boards try to censor Maus).

Disclosure: I received an ARC at no cost from the author/publisher for review purposes.

[Beverly Manring · Rating 5 out of 5]

I was given this advance copy by NetGalley in exchange for a honest review. Where was this guidebook fifty years ago? I was that shriveled flower behind you quietly cheering you on. In actuality, I was the fat girl standing as far back as possible hoping no one noticed me.. I noticed you and wished I could be like you. Never did I imagine I could. But you have literally written the perfect guidebook. I actuality, you only have one life. So be your best self. Put yourself out there and do it as a confident person. Don’t live in a hamster cage for what you should’ve could’ve, would’ve done differently. They cover that too.. what a great book to help all middle schoolers ,college students, new employees, actually, anyone who feels like that misfit. I am now in skilled care and, I don’t have to be a bitch, but it will help me find my voice to stand up for myself and to not just let it happen. Yes I will definitely be recommending this book. Not a book I would typically pick upbut thought I would give this book a go after reading the book description and since it popped up in front of me as an interesting option. That optionwhich I am glad I took.. Special thanks to #NetGalley, #HowtobeaDifficultBitch, and the authors or allowing me to review early.

[Caitlin · Rating 4 out of 5]

A comprehensive guide for young people on how to be assertive and reach your potential while lifting others up with you. Different chapters tackle different arenas of life (academics, health, finances, relationships, etc.) and various authors chime in to show how self advocacy looks really different for different people. The multiple authors’ voices were intentionally included to represent experiences of people of color, different economic statuses, disability, and the queer community. This little book packs a punch, consistently reminding the reader of their power (and the responsibilities that sometimes go with that power) and how to use it. I needed a book like this when I was younger - a voice to tell me to trust my instincts, that I shouldn’t apologize just for existing, that I didn’t need permission to live the way I dreamed, that people would listen if I spoke up for myself (and others). This is the book that an aunt buys for her niece, or that a therapist loans out to teen clients. But I still have a difficult time imagining the kind of young person who would read this book for fun.

[Maura · Rating 5 out of 5]

I bought this book for a student research project about toxic relationships after seeing a Kirkus Review. Once I read it, I bought a copy for each of my closest friends. This slim tome is a round-up of advice geared towards teens, but affirming at any age. Topics covered are espoused in a list of commandments in the introduction and include gender and health (mental & physical), academics, friendship, dating, finance, online, social justice/activism, and more. Chapter titles, headings, an index, and a consistent chapter structure enable readers to browse for what’s needed. Notes from the authors and true stories help elucidate or unpack information. Illustrations and a variety of colorful fonts add visual appeal. The title is unfortunate. The use of “bitch” will surely lead some to want to pick it up, while others may be offended by its usage or make assumptions about the book’s content and its intended audience. A discussion of the word “bitch” in the introduction helps explain the authors’ choice to use the word and makes the claim that its usage is gender-neutral, but the history of the word will prevent many from getting to that explanation.

[Sam - Read & Buried · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book was provided by NetGalley in exchange for an honest review.

Like others who have reviewed this book, I found myself often wondering where this had been when I was a teenager - or even a younger adult. The illustrations definitely would have appealed to my alternative-loving past self, and the no-nonsense way Bondy and her contributors deal head-on with topics is refreshing; I'd imagine it is especially so when a teenager feels like everyone is talking around the issue rather than being straightforward with them.

Because I read an ebook copy of this book, I found the contributors' sections to be a little difficult to read; the typeface and typeface color choices had me squinting, and in some cases I gave up on reading them entirely because it made my eyes hurt. This may not be an issue with the print copy, but it hindered me a little from certain sections.

I'd recommend this for teenagers and for parents of teenagers; it's a fun read, and it deals with topics teens deal with on a daily basis in a way that meets them on their level.

[Skyler · Rating 5 out of 5]

Thank you to Netgalley, Halley Bondy; Mary C. Fernandez; Sharon Lynn Pruitt-Young; Zara Hanawalt, and the publisher for this eARC in exchange for an honest review! I was originally pretty startled to find this book under the Children's nonfiction section. It was really the title that drew me in, and I love how this reshapes the narrative and owns the title of being a "Difficult Bitch".

I really enjoyed how inclusive this book was, both by including people of all genders as well as via all of the diverse art and images that were scattered throughout. It really allows really anyone to be able to see themselves in the hypothetical situations that were described. It was also particularly enjoyable to see a bit of the authors' personality come through in some of the sections. Ultimately I believe that this is a must-read for people of all ages (well, maybe pre-teens and up)! It is definitely something that I would have really needed in high school.

[Susan · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is amazing. The title was a little off-putting for me, but I opened it to read, and I am so glad I did. The book is written by a diverse group of writers with a variety of experiences and challenges. They provide insight into their lives in appropriate ways and do not overwhelm the message of the book.
I enjoyed how the book was organized by topic and covered both the broad picture and specific information that is useful to the reader. The use of different fonts and colors on the pages, helps the reader recognize the different types of content, whether it is the main text, questions to think about, or a comment or story from an author. Another aspect of the book's organization was that topics covered in other sections of the book were referred to and a page number or chapter was given in the text. It made it easy to identify where you can find more information without having to do research to find it.

[Danielle Russell · Rating 4 out of 5]

I am not typically a fan of self help style books, but I really enjoyed this one. I wish I could have read How to Be a Difficult Bitch when I was a teenager. Though I'm not in the target demographic, the book still offers great information. In it, it teaches teens to get to know themselves, stand up for what they believe in, and to claim their power. All of this is SO important for teenage girls, as teen years are some of the most confusing and difficult times in life.

I particularly enjoyed the notes by Sharon, Mary, and Zara, who all provide different point of views that I, as a cis gendered white woman, may not have otherwise considered. I found these excerpts eye opening and educational.



Thank you to Netgalley for providing me with a free advanced digital copy of this title in exchange for an honest review.

[Kimberly · Rating 4 out of 5]

How to be a Difficult Bitch may be a tough title to put in the shelves of a HS library, but once you read the book’s introduction, you understand the true definition and author’s intentions for the title and the book. It is an informative non fiction read but can be categorized as a self- help genre. Students could read from beginning to end or select a topic that would pique their interest or be relatable to their needs. Every chapter is appropriate for every teen and/ or adult who picks this books off the shelf. I especially liked the sections in each chapter that gives a hypothetical, provides an example of possible mistakes, and the personal notes for diverse co-authors who have experienced the chapter’s topic or scenario. I believe that the students who ask me for books to improve themselves or help them through tough situations will reach for a book like this.

[Caleste Hawthorne · Rating 4 out of 5]

This was an interesting read that I (an adult) got for myself to both learn good ways to deal with a society that really wants all of us to be smaller. For an even better bonus I figured that I could share some of the nuggests with my 8 y.o who really doesn't like making trouble for anyone. The title of the book may throw off some folks (like the man at the costco who read it haha) but I do think its the perfect start to dealing with the feelings of making society uncomfortable. Its exactly what will happen to any difficult bitch so this is a good start.

I will say, that with our current US govt, this book needs some updates as some of the information is no longer true. Such as what rights students have and the ability to have identity based clubs and groups.

[Rachel · Rating 5 out of 5]

A good reminder book of healthy life advice. I like that marginalized voices were included in little “blurbs” throughout the book, but I wish their advice could have been instead integrated into the text and they joined as co-authors. Because the effect I get is somewhat like “here’s the cis/white/“normative” advice section for everyone, and here’s a blurb for tokenized and marginalized folks. If you’re marginalized and reading the book, it’s like oh here’s the separate disability section for me…like unintentional for sure, but inclusive design could mean different things for different people.

[Crystal Palmisano-Dillard · Rating 4 out of 5]

Honestly this is the kind of book I wish I'd had when I was teen.

I've spent far too much of my life softening how I approach situations and people instead of being direct.

The advice given is spot on and presented in a relatable way for teens or young people. There are scenarios, examples and even scripts that can help as a guide through tough situations.

The focus on embracing who you are and loving yourself it also incredibly.

Such a great book!

Thanks to NetGalley and Lerner Publishing Group for the advanced copy.

[sahra (readwithsahra_) · Rating 4 out of 5]

***ARC***

i have a love for feminist non-fiction and when I see a title like this one? of course I read.

this was funny, eye opening and the true definition of self-help. this book will help you take power over the word bitch, like the insult we all know.

it will help you be THE bitch, a person, who don't take shit and knows her worth and her value.

half the book is subject-turned toward school so it could be teenage/young adult appropriate.
if this book wasn't in English I would have for sure gifted it to my little sis

4/5

[Jessica Fitzpatrick · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is for teens but I have to say, this helped me during this period of my life. (I will be talking about that soon, I promise). Historically, those who identify as women, are not supposed to do their own thing, speak up or fight back. The term bitch is one used often to put someone down. This book changes that narrative and teaches those who read it to fight back and be YOU.

This was super easy to follow and understand. This book can make a big impact on those who are like me and say yes to everyone or let others take advantage of their kindness.
⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️/5

[Shyla · Rating 5 out of 5]

Book reviewed through Netgalley <3

Where was this book when I was a young Difficult B? I would have loved it then and I do love it now!
Very visually appealing with real world practical advice.
The section on boundaries is VITALLLLLLLLL
This will be a personal purchase for my daughters and I am pretty sure my library staff will also love it.

[Danielle Masterson · Rating 4 out of 5]

Thank you to NetGalley and the publisher for this eARC. This is a fabulous guide to taking back the word "bitch" and learning how standing up for yourself and others is not being a "bitch." The authors focus on activism, extracurricular activities, education, and more. Definitely recommend for teens.

[HaileyAnne · Rating 5 out of 5]

I love everything about this book. I love the message. I love the delivery. I can see teens (and adults!) being drawn to it.
Yes, the language may be an issue for some people, and that's fine. This book won't be for everyone. But to me the message outweighs any potential complaints about the language.
I'm going to do my best to be the best Difficult Bitch I can be.

[Jade · Rating 4 out of 5]

I loved this book. As a woman in her late thirties, I wish I had this when I was younger. It still has many things in it for me to still refer to on a regular basis and remember. I will be going back to it often.

Disclosure: I received an ARC at no cost from the author/publisher for review purposes.

[TTreadsYA · Rating 3 out of 5]

I enjoyed the over all message and i like the diversity and inclusion they focused on in this story but i do with it was more generalized to any age group rather then specificly aimed at teens. I believe this message is for everyone but i felt excluded from reading it as it very much wants the reader to be in high school.

[Danielle Grise · Rating 5 out of 5]

This so celebrates the individual. It is a reminder for teens and adults alike on how to stay true to oneself and put your voice out in the world. The authors provide life advice, practical tips, and all kinds of tidbits to help the reader claim their power. They also each address the reader personally, so the book offers varied perspectives.

[Kassy Nicholson · Rating 5 out of 5]

I would give this book to all preteen girls, if I could. Boys, too, if they'd be open to it.

It addresses a lot of the issues I struggled with as a young teen, and I wish there had been a book like this for me back then.

[G. Lawrence · Rating 4 out of 5]

Mainly aimed at older teens, but a good book, like an introduction to feminism, activism and just leading a confident life. Solid, if basic ideas and a good starting point for the young people in your life

[Andréa]

Note: I received a digital review copy of this book from the publisher through NetGalley.

[Julia · Rating 4 out of 5]

Down-to-earth and empowering.

[Shyiesha · Rating 3 out of 5]

This is a good book for a young women who are looking for guidance. It's something I probably would have enjoyed as a teenager.