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Just Ignore Him
'A simply astonishing achievement. The quality, depth, emotional power and terrifying honesty of Alan Davies's story-telling take the breath away' Stephen Fry'This hugely affecting book is brave, insightful and, at times, funny about things it is hard to be funny about' Jo BrandThe story of a life built on sand. In the rain.In this compelling memoir, comedian and actor Alan Davies recalls his boyhood with vivid insight and devastating humour. Shifting between his 1970s upbringing and his life today, Davies moves poignantly from innocence to experience to the clarity of hindsight, always with a keen sense of the absurd.From sibling dynamics, to his voiceless, misunderstood progression through school, sexuality and humiliating 'accidents', Davies inhabits his younger mind with spectacular accuracy, sharply evoking an era when Green Shield Stamps, Bob-a-Job week and Whizzer & Chips loomed large, a bus fare was 2p - and children had little power in the face of adult motivation. Here, there are often exquisitely tender recollections of the mother he lost at six years old, of a bereaved family struggling to find its way, and the kicks and confusion of adolescence.Through even the joyous and innocent memories, the pain of Davies's lifelong grief and profound betrayal is unfiltered, searing and beautifully articulated. Just Ignore Him is not only an autobiography, it is a testament to a survivor's resilience and courage.
209 pages, Kindle Edition
First published September 1, 2020
521 people are currently reading
5128 people want to read
About the author
Alan Davies
129 books157 followersAlan Davies is an English stand-up comedian, writer and actor. He has played the title role in the BBC mystery drama series Jonathan Creek since 1997, and has been the only permanent panellist on the BBC panel show QI since 2003.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 798 reviews
September 6, 2020
What a story. One almost wishes it wasn’t true. Alan has been my favourite person for some time now but after reading this, I am not ashamed to count him as one of my heroes. If I should ever feel trapped in life, I can always return to this book and know that even the hardest moments can be endured . This book teaches us that kindness and humour are not only attractive qualities of one’s character but they are also essential for one’s survival. I will try to remember that as I go through life, grateful to have learned it from this book.
November 12, 2020
Alan Davies? Stand up comedian, actor, panel show regular, podcaster, fanatical Arsenal fan? Yes, funny man, relaxed and easy going. An autobiography is sure to be an amusing and light read? Er...no, most definitely not. It turns out Alan has a very dark tale to impart. His monstrous, abusive, angry, unempathetic father is at the core of some shocking childhood memories.
Having bought Just Ignore Him with no prior knowledge of its contents, just my misguided assumptions, I was disturbed by its grim contents. It's very honest, well written, beautifully observed, evocative of the 1960s and 1970s, and doubtless was cathartic to write, it's also, rightly, a very tough book.
I applaud Alan Davies for having the courage to write such an honest account of his abuse and how it shaped his life and personality. Despite the nature of this memoir I would strongly recommend it. As Alan concludes, let's hope it gives other survivors the strength to tell their stories and, most importantly, to be believed.
5/5
Having bought Just Ignore Him with no prior knowledge of its contents, just my misguided assumptions, I was disturbed by its grim contents. It's very honest, well written, beautifully observed, evocative of the 1960s and 1970s, and doubtless was cathartic to write, it's also, rightly, a very tough book.
I applaud Alan Davies for having the courage to write such an honest account of his abuse and how it shaped his life and personality. Despite the nature of this memoir I would strongly recommend it. As Alan concludes, let's hope it gives other survivors the strength to tell their stories and, most importantly, to be believed.
5/5
April 1, 2022
Crying Is Something You Do Alone
Ever since (but not before) the establishment of Roman Law, the institution of the family has been considered an exception. First in the Empire, then in the Church and its successor governments, what went on in the family stayed in the family. The paterfamilias was its absolute emperor, its members were his possessions, and he was insulated from external scrutiny and judgment. If anything is, this principle of family is the foundation of Western civilisation.
Although the edges of this tradition have been worn down over the centuries, its residue is still visible in presumptions of male dominance, inhibitions against state interference in domestic life, the widespread exemption of parents from charges of assault against each other and their children, and in the oft quoted ‘sanctity’ of the nuclear family unit among conservative politicians. The family is special.
It’s difficult to disagree with the claim that the family is indeed special. It is the oven in which we all are cooked. But the presumption of privacy we give to the family neglects the fact that it is the de facto locus of almost all evil in the world. What goes on behind the closed doors in modern cities and suburbs is, far more frequently than we’d like to admit, a primary cause of short-term suffering and longer term criminality.
Alan Davies memoir is an example of the hidden misery which we all know exists but can’t bear to admit occurs as a matter of course. It has become obvious in recent years that every other important institution, from the Church to the Boy Scouts, to corporate business, to democratic politics at every level is corrupt. Not corrupt as an exception but as a rule. None has withstood scrutiny. The family is likely no different.
Davies father was a paedophile. His extended family maintained a façade of middle class respectability which prevented even the death of his mother much less the possibility of his father’s perversion to be revealed. Davies was effectively isolated and tortured for years as a consequence. Even into middle age it wasn’t possible to discuss his father’s ‘eccentricities’ with his siblings or other relatives. His family was a hothouse of malignant secrets. Who’s to say most aren’t?
To survive such familial horror is not a victory. As Davies notes so plaintively about the legacy of families, “This is the true inheritance tax of life. Behaviours and habits, ingrained, your own but not your own, a duty on your existence, a tariff to be levied on those who try to love you.” Everyone continues to pay the price, likely for generations to come. This is the empirical residue of family life: “You are dead but the secrets can continue. As if it is the secrets that sustain these fucking people.” Families are where you do you’re crying alone.
Ever since (but not before) the establishment of Roman Law, the institution of the family has been considered an exception. First in the Empire, then in the Church and its successor governments, what went on in the family stayed in the family. The paterfamilias was its absolute emperor, its members were his possessions, and he was insulated from external scrutiny and judgment. If anything is, this principle of family is the foundation of Western civilisation.
Although the edges of this tradition have been worn down over the centuries, its residue is still visible in presumptions of male dominance, inhibitions against state interference in domestic life, the widespread exemption of parents from charges of assault against each other and their children, and in the oft quoted ‘sanctity’ of the nuclear family unit among conservative politicians. The family is special.
It’s difficult to disagree with the claim that the family is indeed special. It is the oven in which we all are cooked. But the presumption of privacy we give to the family neglects the fact that it is the de facto locus of almost all evil in the world. What goes on behind the closed doors in modern cities and suburbs is, far more frequently than we’d like to admit, a primary cause of short-term suffering and longer term criminality.
Alan Davies memoir is an example of the hidden misery which we all know exists but can’t bear to admit occurs as a matter of course. It has become obvious in recent years that every other important institution, from the Church to the Boy Scouts, to corporate business, to democratic politics at every level is corrupt. Not corrupt as an exception but as a rule. None has withstood scrutiny. The family is likely no different.
Davies father was a paedophile. His extended family maintained a façade of middle class respectability which prevented even the death of his mother much less the possibility of his father’s perversion to be revealed. Davies was effectively isolated and tortured for years as a consequence. Even into middle age it wasn’t possible to discuss his father’s ‘eccentricities’ with his siblings or other relatives. His family was a hothouse of malignant secrets. Who’s to say most aren’t?
To survive such familial horror is not a victory. As Davies notes so plaintively about the legacy of families, “This is the true inheritance tax of life. Behaviours and habits, ingrained, your own but not your own, a duty on your existence, a tariff to be levied on those who try to love you.” Everyone continues to pay the price, likely for generations to come. This is the empirical residue of family life: “You are dead but the secrets can continue. As if it is the secrets that sustain these fucking people.” Families are where you do you’re crying alone.
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March 13, 2021Alan Davies, to me, will always be Jonathan Creek - the BBC sluth with curly hair and a sardonic wit. He's funny, charming and intelligent. Picking up this book, his memoir about his childhood growing up in the 1970s and 80s, I wasn't expecting to find something so utterly heartbreaking and bleak. Alan is incredibly frank and honest in his descriptions of his upbringing, and I cannot imagine the strength of character it must have taken to tell his story.
What becomes immediately apparent, and is quite telling, is that there are no photos included. Every other memoir I've read has had some smiling photos of fond memories shared with family and friends. Alan has none of those photos, because they don't exist. After the death of his mother when he is only six years old, he is raised alongside his brother and sister by his father. A man who turns out to be coercive, cruel, and sexually attracted to young boys. The loneliness that Alan feels throughout his life, from the absence of love and laughter, just broke me.
A short read, this mentions little of his work achievements, and at times I struggled with the nonlinear timeline, but this has a greater purpose in raising up victims voices and showing that they will be believed. I have so much respect for Alan, and I cannot stress enough how proud he should be in everything he's achieved.
What becomes immediately apparent, and is quite telling, is that there are no photos included. Every other memoir I've read has had some smiling photos of fond memories shared with family and friends. Alan has none of those photos, because they don't exist. After the death of his mother when he is only six years old, he is raised alongside his brother and sister by his father. A man who turns out to be coercive, cruel, and sexually attracted to young boys. The loneliness that Alan feels throughout his life, from the absence of love and laughter, just broke me.
A short read, this mentions little of his work achievements, and at times I struggled with the nonlinear timeline, but this has a greater purpose in raising up victims voices and showing that they will be believed. I have so much respect for Alan, and I cannot stress enough how proud he should be in everything he's achieved.
December 24, 2021
Alan Davies on TV comes across as laid back, comical and a bit daft, I never knew about his incredibly difficult childhood until I read this book. To others his life appeared comfortably middle class, 2 siblings, nice house, good school, all the material things, but on the inside things were very different. He lost his lovely mum to leukemia at 6 years old and was brought up by his weird, cold father, who, unloving and unaffectionate, instead singled him out to be the recipient of his perverted sexual advances. Alan tells his story, grim as it is at times, threaded through with his trademark humour, which again cements my belief that humour is a wonderful coping mechanism, probably the best and most effective one we have, I've certainly found it so.
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December 16, 2020neither this book's cover or blurb really attest to how dark the subject matter is within. i haven't seen anyone mention this in reviews, so if you are sensitive to stories of child abuse, sexual assault, death of a parent, and/or trauma, please bear in mind these topics are discussed in heavy detail throughout the book.
growing up, for me, alan davies has always been the curly haired, duffel-coat-wearing detective jonathan creek, and the jovial permanent panellist on qi serving as a wonderful foil to stephen fry or sandi toksvig. he's a friendly face on tv and in the britcom world, yet it belies a very haunting, saddening past that was at times extremely difficult to read about. reading davies's story is a reminder that we never really know what happens (or, in this case, happened) to celebrities and strangers alike.
just ignore him is written so beautifully, so honestly, that it's sometimes hard to reconcile this story with the cheery character i've grown up watching on tv for years. there's still humour throughout, but with a much darker, sardonic tone. obviously i won't rate this because it would be fairly disrespectful, i think, to slap a star rating on a survivor's story. a very heavy, heartbreaking read, but a necessary one nonetheless that i hope will inspire others to tell their stories.
growing up, for me, alan davies has always been the curly haired, duffel-coat-wearing detective jonathan creek, and the jovial permanent panellist on qi serving as a wonderful foil to stephen fry or sandi toksvig. he's a friendly face on tv and in the britcom world, yet it belies a very haunting, saddening past that was at times extremely difficult to read about. reading davies's story is a reminder that we never really know what happens (or, in this case, happened) to celebrities and strangers alike.
just ignore him is written so beautifully, so honestly, that it's sometimes hard to reconcile this story with the cheery character i've grown up watching on tv for years. there's still humour throughout, but with a much darker, sardonic tone. obviously i won't rate this because it would be fairly disrespectful, i think, to slap a star rating on a survivor's story. a very heavy, heartbreaking read, but a necessary one nonetheless that i hope will inspire others to tell their stories.
September 5, 2020
Do Not Ignore Him
Alan Davies - Jonathan Creek, the curly-haired good-natured fall guy of QI - the comedian - with excellent Aussie-accent - Oh, Alan...that you were dealing with (even when not consciously dealing with) the loss of your mother and the secretive betrayal of your innocence from your father - the dysfunctionality fostered between you and your older brother - and all so movingly (beautifully, dare I express it) described. Lyrically - seriously - examined from all directions - all those incidents and gaucheries still remembered - made sense of. Those of us with aspects of our own hurt childhoods understand at once your truth - and send love and respect and gratitude to you for this examination of yourself. At last I understand the cheeky lad on QI and if I ever see you in a comedic display on the floor I will salute your mother!
Alan Davies - Jonathan Creek, the curly-haired good-natured fall guy of QI - the comedian - with excellent Aussie-accent - Oh, Alan...that you were dealing with (even when not consciously dealing with) the loss of your mother and the secretive betrayal of your innocence from your father - the dysfunctionality fostered between you and your older brother - and all so movingly (beautifully, dare I express it) described. Lyrically - seriously - examined from all directions - all those incidents and gaucheries still remembered - made sense of. Those of us with aspects of our own hurt childhoods understand at once your truth - and send love and respect and gratitude to you for this examination of yourself. At last I understand the cheeky lad on QI and if I ever see you in a comedic display on the floor I will salute your mother!
March 25, 2022
Heartbreaking.
I have marked it as 5 stars - but not for enjoyment. It wasn't in the least bit enjoyable, yet I feel honoured to have been given the chance to read it.
The five stars are for the bravery and honesty of the author for creating this very important book, which I have no doubt will help others who have had similar traumatic experiences; it is never too late to get help and advice from friends and/or professionals.
I initially snapped this up for my kindle as I've been a fan of comedian Alan Davies for many years. I hadn't realised it was no ordinary autobiography until I started reading. It is well written in his witty style of dry humour, which somehow (for me) serves to emphasise how tragic it is.
I have marked it as 5 stars - but not for enjoyment. It wasn't in the least bit enjoyable, yet I feel honoured to have been given the chance to read it.
The five stars are for the bravery and honesty of the author for creating this very important book, which I have no doubt will help others who have had similar traumatic experiences; it is never too late to get help and advice from friends and/or professionals.
I initially snapped this up for my kindle as I've been a fan of comedian Alan Davies for many years. I hadn't realised it was no ordinary autobiography until I started reading. It is well written in his witty style of dry humour, which somehow (for me) serves to emphasise how tragic it is.
October 24, 2020
Very sad story, great first chapter that really pulls you in. But then the telling becomes sloppy, too many digressions, unnecessary repetitions, as if the author felt he didn't have enough material and had to fill the pages. I would have preferred a more concentrated narration with more showing instead of telling.
September 11, 2020
This memoir by Alan Davies was written with great warmth, clarity, and a very clever mix of humour. With the very serious subject matter you almost feel guilty for laughing. With the advantage of hindsight Alan is able to reconcile his childhood secrets with his childhood behaviour.
My reaction when reading this memoir is that Alan’s parents impacted his life in equal measure. His mother gave him love, reassurance, and constant acknowledgement albeit for a very short period. His father on the other hand gave him attention he did not desire or deserve.
While this book is sad it is well worth reading. The external happy face often belies what is going on underneath.
My reaction when reading this memoir is that Alan’s parents impacted his life in equal measure. His mother gave him love, reassurance, and constant acknowledgement albeit for a very short period. His father on the other hand gave him attention he did not desire or deserve.
While this book is sad it is well worth reading. The external happy face often belies what is going on underneath.
June 19, 2022
An exploration of Alan Davies' abusive childhood and the mental toll it took on him. It is mostly good and sometimes superb - a few times I wished this would have been told more linear but that's a small criticism. My "low" rating is mostly because I, at the moment, wish I hadn't read it.
November 22, 2020
This is one of those books you read that leave you so impacted that you really can’t comment as you have to sit with it all and let it settle.
So instead I contribute two quotes. First is off the cover from Stephen Fry “Funny, sad, frightening, sweet, savage and tender. Just Ignore Him will never leave you”
Second quote is the last paragraph in the book “Above all, I have set out to tell you the things you don’t know about me, in the hope that, one day, perhaps, you will feel able to tell someone what they don’t know about you. “
And I also contribute my thought, that when someone does have the courage to tell their story I hope they are fortunate enough to have someone who really listens and believes them and acknowledges the trust placed in them.
So instead I contribute two quotes. First is off the cover from Stephen Fry “Funny, sad, frightening, sweet, savage and tender. Just Ignore Him will never leave you”
Second quote is the last paragraph in the book “Above all, I have set out to tell you the things you don’t know about me, in the hope that, one day, perhaps, you will feel able to tell someone what they don’t know about you. “
And I also contribute my thought, that when someone does have the courage to tell their story I hope they are fortunate enough to have someone who really listens and believes them and acknowledges the trust placed in them.
January 2, 2021
An absolutely devastating account of childhood trauma recounted with a wry and sardonic humour that make you love this man more than ever. Black, brave, searing, essential life writing.
September 4, 2020
I couldn’t put this memoir down. I have always been a fan of Alan’s and knew he had lost his mother at a very young age which is heart breaking, but to read what he went through in his childhood and lived with all his life is even more upsetting. I found it a hard read. I am glad Alan now has a lovely wife and family of his own.
January 31, 2021
A difficult read with very dark subject matter. Repetition and jumping time lines made it somewhat difficult to figure out the chronology
May 11, 2021
I cried so much reading this. Beautifully written and narrated in the audiobook. Moving. Heartbreaking.
May 9, 2021
Alan Davies is a household name in the UK. I grew up watching him avidly in Jonathan Creek in the 90s and then in QI when I was older. He's always come across as loveable and a bit dopey (in a nice way). So I had to listen to this memoir of early life when it popped up on Goodreads.
Alan Davies was sexually abused by his father. I believe him 100% and I cannot imagine the untold pain and confusion that has given him. In a sense, this memoir is a way of Davies coming to terms with this, getting his own justice where the criminal justice system failed him and I really hope this has helped him heal in whatever way it can.
Whilst the start of this memoir was written exceptionally well and it sucked me in immediately, it just did not keep with this standard for the rest of the book. There was no real sense of a timeline for a lot of the book so I wasn't entirely sure where everything fitted in the grand scheme of things. Events were revisited a number of times, people mentioned popped in and out in stories and it meant I was slightly lost in things.
I also struggled with Davies' explanations of his actions and those around him. I have no doubt that his father was a manipulative, horrible man, but Davies fails to acknowledge that the people around him treated in not a nice way at times because, frankly, he was acting like a complete shit. He stole from his housekeepers and his family, shoplifted, tried to be as annoying as possible to his siblings and adults surrounding him and HE PUNCHED HIS SISTER IN THE FACE. I mean, how do you expect people to act when you act like that? I know this behaviour is caused in some ways by his abuse, but Davies seems bitter about people acting logically to behaviour he was displaying.
That being said, Davies was failed repeatedly by those around him: the police, his family and even his siblings when he revealed the abuse his father inflicted on him.
Alan Davies was sexually abused by his father. I believe him 100% and I cannot imagine the untold pain and confusion that has given him. In a sense, this memoir is a way of Davies coming to terms with this, getting his own justice where the criminal justice system failed him and I really hope this has helped him heal in whatever way it can.
Whilst the start of this memoir was written exceptionally well and it sucked me in immediately, it just did not keep with this standard for the rest of the book. There was no real sense of a timeline for a lot of the book so I wasn't entirely sure where everything fitted in the grand scheme of things. Events were revisited a number of times, people mentioned popped in and out in stories and it meant I was slightly lost in things.
I also struggled with Davies' explanations of his actions and those around him. I have no doubt that his father was a manipulative, horrible man, but Davies fails to acknowledge that the people around him treated in not a nice way at times because, frankly, he was acting like a complete shit. He stole from his housekeepers and his family, shoplifted, tried to be as annoying as possible to his siblings and adults surrounding him and HE PUNCHED HIS SISTER IN THE FACE. I mean, how do you expect people to act when you act like that? I know this behaviour is caused in some ways by his abuse, but Davies seems bitter about people acting logically to behaviour he was displaying.
That being said, Davies was failed repeatedly by those around him: the police, his family and even his siblings when he revealed the abuse his father inflicted on him.
February 16, 2025
Like most people, I enjoy watching Alan Davies on television. He seems funny, self-deprecating, interesting, intelligent and a thoroughly decent human being. I had no idea that his mother had died when he was six, or that his father had sexually abused him, as well as emotionally manipulating him and his siblings.
Alan was a lonely child who was portrayed as an annoying pest by his father. He lived up to the name by being increasingly irritating to virtually everyone. Lacking friends at school, he tried to impress by being loud and obnoxious, and to fill his emotional void with petty theft. Like many comedians, Alan eventually found the love and attention he craved when he became a stand-up comic.
Now in his fifties, Alan is happily married with three children of his own. It was being a father himself that really made him re-examine his own childhood and to discuss his trauma with close friends. Taking a creative writing MA was helpful too and enabled him to share his experiences with a trusted group of fellow students.
This book is utterly compelling and extraordinarily moving. I hope that it has been cathartic for him to write. He says he hopes that it might help people who have had similar experiences and to help others to listen and believe what they hear.
Alan was a lonely child who was portrayed as an annoying pest by his father. He lived up to the name by being increasingly irritating to virtually everyone. Lacking friends at school, he tried to impress by being loud and obnoxious, and to fill his emotional void with petty theft. Like many comedians, Alan eventually found the love and attention he craved when he became a stand-up comic.
Now in his fifties, Alan is happily married with three children of his own. It was being a father himself that really made him re-examine his own childhood and to discuss his trauma with close friends. Taking a creative writing MA was helpful too and enabled him to share his experiences with a trusted group of fellow students.
This book is utterly compelling and extraordinarily moving. I hope that it has been cathartic for him to write. He says he hopes that it might help people who have had similar experiences and to help others to listen and believe what they hear.
March 24, 2021
This book really doesn't merit all the 4 and 5 star ratings. I can only assume these are from people who enjoy Alan's work on TV and radio and are more inclined to be positive than if this was written by an unknown author. There is probably also (and rightly) a lot of sympathy for what Alan experienced in his childhood.
But this does not make it a good book. It has one dark story to tell. To pad that out, Alan reminisces about his childhood, TV programmes from the 1970's, favourite toys, teachers and housekeepers, friends and relations. It's all a bit rambling and mundane.
The tone is never quite right - somewhere between whimsical and maudlin without ever being really insightful or fully authentic. There is a lot of self pity - which is fully justified but somehow comes across as needy and petulant.
I am not sure why he wrote this book. It may have been to confront his demons or it might be just for money. I suspect a bit of both.
But this does not make it a good book. It has one dark story to tell. To pad that out, Alan reminisces about his childhood, TV programmes from the 1970's, favourite toys, teachers and housekeepers, friends and relations. It's all a bit rambling and mundane.
The tone is never quite right - somewhere between whimsical and maudlin without ever being really insightful or fully authentic. There is a lot of self pity - which is fully justified but somehow comes across as needy and petulant.
I am not sure why he wrote this book. It may have been to confront his demons or it might be just for money. I suspect a bit of both.
June 10, 2024
I got through all of this in just over 24 hours. I didn’t intend on reading it in one go, because I often switch through different books depending on the different time of day, with my ever changing moods and interests. But I found that I couldn’t put this book down, and despite knowing I’d need to wake up early, I couldn’t stop reading this book well into the early hours of the morning, and then into the first few hours of my shift at work (where I still am right now, writing this, hiding in the back corner of the storage rooms where by boss barley goes) after only a few hours of sleep. I found so much of what Alan said so devastating and moving. The courage and bravery it must have taken to write such an honest and raw story, is immense. This story truly is a story of survival, and will definitely stay on my mind for much longer than the 26 hours it took me to devour this book (I even read the acknowledgments at the end). I’m genuinely flabbergasted.
In a way this book seems unfinished, and I suppose it is , even though there probably isn’t anything left to say. I often wonder if I’ll ever have the the courage or opportunity to speak about what I experienced when I was a child, but for now that chapter of my life is closed, and I’m fine with the things are right now. I found peace in the fact that Alan waited about four decades before even beginning to get the peace and closure he deserved, even though I wish it happened sooner- or of course that he didn’t get such traumas in the first place- this book kind of gave me the reassurance that it’s never too late to heal or get the peace you deserve.
If I had spoken or moved from the smallest subconscious impulse, then the world would’ve been promptly destroyed. The world should be grateful for my awareness of myself. Awareness has nothing to be proud of but control. Yukio Mishima, The Decay of the Angel
In a way this book seems unfinished, and I suppose it is , even though there probably isn’t anything left to say. I often wonder if I’ll ever have the the courage or opportunity to speak about what I experienced when I was a child, but for now that chapter of my life is closed, and I’m fine with the things are right now. I found peace in the fact that Alan waited about four decades before even beginning to get the peace and closure he deserved, even though I wish it happened sooner- or of course that he didn’t get such traumas in the first place- this book kind of gave me the reassurance that it’s never too late to heal or get the peace you deserve.
November 7, 2020
Alan Davies tells the reader something they didn’t know about him and he does it in a way that makes it hard to stop reading. It took me to places in my memory that I’m not sure I wanted to go, my father having much in common with his father. The big difference being that my father abused three of his children, his two daughters and their little brother. Our mum died when my sister was 15, I was 12 and my brother was 8. He abused us his daughters while my mum was alive and then moved on to my brother when I was strong enough to put a stop to it. But it happened for 6 years from the age of 6 til I was 12. I’m now 56 and I still have nightmares. Reading this book I totally got Alan’s pain and suffering and also that he continued to help his father for many years. We did that too, it was the birth of my sisters children that broke his hold on us, we would not let him hurt any children we had, my children never had anything to do with him and I’m so glad. If you ever read this Alan I want to let you know that I am grateful to you for sharing your story. For me this story is another part of the healing process, that it shows that abused children do become wonderful adults, spouses and parents.
The most poignant part of the book for me was this line “I know he won’t ever go away, not until I’m dead.” While I cope well, I think, with what happened to me as a child it will always be with me and that is sad in so many ways, but it is what it is I guess.
The most poignant part of the book for me was this line “I know he won’t ever go away, not until I’m dead.” While I cope well, I think, with what happened to me as a child it will always be with me and that is sad in so many ways, but it is what it is I guess.
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
September 18, 2020
What a book.
I have always loved Alan Davies, and this memoir is a far cry from anything I ever expected. Sexually abused by his father as a child, Davies unpicks his traumatic childhood with unexpected clarity.
Would really recommend this, even if you don’t know Davies’ work.
I have always loved Alan Davies, and this memoir is a far cry from anything I ever expected. Sexually abused by his father as a child, Davies unpicks his traumatic childhood with unexpected clarity.
Would really recommend this, even if you don’t know Davies’ work.
July 20, 2021
I knew that Alan Davies had an unhappy childhood and that his mother died when he was young, but the rest of the story is just heartbreaking and I admire him for making a success of his life.
April 20, 2021
Firstly what happened to Alan Davies was truly appalling and I totally believe him. I do hope writing this book will help others to come forward and has been cathartic for the author. However there is such self pity, cruelty and bitterness coming from Alan within the pages (and who am I to say it is not justified) that I found myself recoiling from Alan himself as it would appear so many people have done. It seems like a self fulfilling prophecy. I felt desperately sorry for the little boy but could also see he was probably quite often a devious, difficult little horror to be around. All of this behaviour is blamed on what he went through in this book of course. Looking back I only gave Alan Davies previous autobiography (which had no mention of the really dark subject matter in this one) two stars so really must not like his style. I feel he deliberately revels in making the reader (or maybe just me) uncomfortable by mentioning and dwelling on things and I don't mean the abuse that I wish I had not read and can't unread.
January 14, 2021
cw/abuse and bereavement
This book is frank and confronting while maintaining sense of Davies' personality and comedic timing and it masterfully merges the two. It doesn't shy away from the horrors of Davies' childhood as the reader may, at times, wish it would but speaks openly and factually about abuse and manipulation. The book, though written by the victim, upholds a feeling of unbiasedness without forgiveness for those complicit which convinces the reader of Davies' true feelings, as, I imagine, it would be tempting to give those people the benefit of the doubt. Further, his discussion of the loss of his mother was a compelling and honest account of childhood grief. The memories of happier times in Davies' childhood with his mother juxtaposed his life following her death, which were a moving yet tragic tribute to her. Though hard to read, this book was beautifully honest and well written.
This book is frank and confronting while maintaining sense of Davies' personality and comedic timing and it masterfully merges the two. It doesn't shy away from the horrors of Davies' childhood as the reader may, at times, wish it would but speaks openly and factually about abuse and manipulation. The book, though written by the victim, upholds a feeling of unbiasedness without forgiveness for those complicit which convinces the reader of Davies' true feelings, as, I imagine, it would be tempting to give those people the benefit of the doubt. Further, his discussion of the loss of his mother was a compelling and honest account of childhood grief. The memories of happier times in Davies' childhood with his mother juxtaposed his life following her death, which were a moving yet tragic tribute to her. Though hard to read, this book was beautifully honest and well written.
October 12, 2020
This is a hard book to review because of the subject matter. It was a very difficult read and I was horrified to learn what Alan went through. I think my only complaint would be that the text does jump around from the past to the more recent past/present a lot, sometimes in a matter of paragraphs, and that could make it hard to follow. I think it's an important book though and I hope that it makes a difference, not only to Alan but to other people who may have gone through the same thing.
September 6, 2020
We think we know all about people who are famous, goodness knows why, but we do. This memoir, read by the author, is almost too hard to listen too, but also compelling. Hopefully, it will, as Alan says, encourage others to tell their story.
November 19, 2021
I decided to read this after seeing the excellent reviews, rather than because I am a big fan of Alan Davies.
The book is beautifully written; the loss of his mother and sexual abuse from his father are described very well. However, the more difficult parts for me were a young child experiencing overwhelming loneliness, which was extremely sad to read. There are gentler sections with little anecdotes, and he transports you to the era with lovely descriptions of the time.
Amazingly, Davies has managed to come out of the other side, and he shows excellent bravely in writing the book (and reporting his father to the police 50 years on.) A book I'm glad I've read, and I will think differently of him when I see him on TV from now on.
3.5 stars
The book is beautifully written; the loss of his mother and sexual abuse from his father are described very well. However, the more difficult parts for me were a young child experiencing overwhelming loneliness, which was extremely sad to read. There are gentler sections with little anecdotes, and he transports you to the era with lovely descriptions of the time.
Amazingly, Davies has managed to come out of the other side, and he shows excellent bravely in writing the book (and reporting his father to the police 50 years on.) A book I'm glad I've read, and I will think differently of him when I see him on TV from now on.
3.5 stars
December 13, 2025
This one is hard to rate. It's a very well written memoir based around Davies' child trauma...and it is sooo hard to read. Alan Davies has had a successful career in comedy, but this book is not made for laughs.
September 9, 2025
This has been on my list for a while, but I’ve saved it to read it closer to when we see Alan Davies live in Nov - I guess I hoped it would make me feel closer to him - but now I think I’m probably just going to have a :( face until then.
This was the most raw and heartbreaking memoir I can imagine is possible to write. It was so hard to read at times and yet he also makes it a seamless journey into his past. The jumbled and fractured memories are beautifully done - it’s clear that this whole memoir comes from a place of honesty and pain, and you really get a sense of the childhood Alan coming through.
I highly recommend to any fans of Alan Davies (how could you NOT be a fan???), though with a warning that it will make you feel sad and uncomfortable and angry.
This was the most raw and heartbreaking memoir I can imagine is possible to write. It was so hard to read at times and yet he also makes it a seamless journey into his past. The jumbled and fractured memories are beautifully done - it’s clear that this whole memoir comes from a place of honesty and pain, and you really get a sense of the childhood Alan coming through.
I highly recommend to any fans of Alan Davies (how could you NOT be a fan???), though with a warning that it will make you feel sad and uncomfortable and angry.
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