The Language of Loss: Poetry and Prose for Grieving and Celebrating the Love of Your Life

by Barbara Abercrombie

When Barbara Abercrombie’s husband died, she found the language of condolence irritating, no matter how well intended. “My husband had not gone to a better place as if he were off on a holiday. He had not passed like clouds overhead, nor was he my late husband as if he’d missed a train. I had not lost him as if I’d been careless, and for sure, none of it was for the best.” She yearned instead for words that acknowledged the reality of death, spoke about the sorrow and loneliness (and perhaps even guilt and anger), and might even point the way toward hope and healing. She found those words in the writings gathered here.

The Language of Loss is a book to dip into and read slowly, a collection of poems and prose to lead you through the phases of grief. The selections follow an arc that mirrors the path of many mourners — from abject loss and feeling unmoored, to glimmers of promise and possibility, through to gratitude for the love they knew. These writings, which express what often feels ineffable, will accompany those who grieve, offering understanding and solace.

Genres: Grief, Poetry, Nonfiction

224 pages, Paperback

Published November 3, 2020

About the author

Barbara Abercrombie has published 15 books -two novels for adults, books for children, including the award winning picture book, CHARLIE ANDERSON, plus non-fiction books. Her novels have been optioned for films and published in six languages. Her essays, articles and poems have appeared in numerous magazines and newspapers, and her sixteenth book THE LANGUAGE OF LOSS will be published in November 2020 by New World Library.

She teaches in the Writers' Program at UCLA Extension where she won the Outstanding Teacher award in 1994 and the Distinguished Instructor award in 2010.

Barbara lives in Pasadena and Lake Arrowhead California.

Reviews

[Leanne · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is a book I’ve been waiting to read for thirty years. A long time ago when I was lost in grief, I felt my feelings had no voice. I don’t think anyone can really express in words how it feels, when even our closest friends hesitate to come around for fear of saying the wrong thing. Especially for those of us not raised in traditional religions, without elaborate rituals to help us get through the early days of loss, it is so difficult to navigate one's own feelings. It is also tough and a little scary to step up and say the right thing when our friends are suffering from loss.

This is why I am so grateful to Barbara Abercrombie for putting together such a remarkable treasury of poems and prose on the language of loss. Shakespeare said, “Give sorrow words.” Yes! And this is surely what Abercrombie has done.

The book is divided into three sections: Sweeping up the Heart, Going on After, and Turning…I was happy to see the words from old favorites like, Rilke’s "Pushing Through," Marie Howe’s "What the Living Do," and a poignant haiku by Basho. She even included my favorite by Mark Doty, "Heaven’s Coast. "

And there were also surprises —for me— "The Role of Elegy," by Mary Jo Bang, "A Spell to Bring a Dead Husband Back," by Allison Joseph, and finally a beautiful poem by the author, who says, “Imagine the earthquake…”

I will be treasuring this volume forever.

[Robin · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is a beautiful collection of writings about grief. I read it slowly, one or two pieces a day. It was the Kindle edition of the book, but when I finished it, I realized that I needed to have it on my bookshelf, so I ordered a hard copy.

[Joanne Mcleod · Rating 4 out of 5]

As the editor of this book articulates, poetry and prose do more to capture the intense and pervasive emotions of loss and grief than do other limited expressions of condolence. These words and expressions come from the brokenness of hearts which then provide a window to the immense grief. I found the Rumi poem, “The Window” seems to articulate this understanding of loss and need for connection:

“Your body is away from me,
But there is a window open
From my Heart to Yours.
From the window, like the moon,
I keep sending news secretly to You.”

[Laura Beasley · Rating 5 out of 5]

It’s never easy for me to write a letter of sympathy or to select a sympathy card. Now I will be able to send a gift of Barbara Abercrombie’s comforting anthology of poetry in addition to support them. I still have the anthology of poetry by Untermeyer that my mother gave me when I was 8 years old in 1964 (The Golden Treasury). I have been reading poetry daily since June 2020 during this challenging year. I will keep The Language of Loss close by to read again and again.

[Sarah Hengst · Rating 4 out of 5]

I love this book I’ve read it probably 5 times over the last few years. As a girl who doesn’t love to sit in or process hard emotions this book of poetry gives words to emotions that I didn’t think there were words to describe.

[Fariba · Rating 4 out of 5]

lovely poems ....

[Elsie · Rating 5 out of 5]

A really lovely collection. It very much hits to the core of my grief. And as a poetry lover it’s a well done anthology of works including many new as well as familiar poems for me

[sofia bessette · Rating 5 out of 5]

beautiful poems of loss and grief