We all know how this ends: Lessons about life and living from working with death and dying

by Anna Lyons, Louise Winter

Life. Death. Whatever. is a new approach to death and dying, showing how exploring our mortality really can change our lives.

End-of-life doula Anna Lyons and funeral director Louise Winter have joined forces to share a collection of the heartbreaking, surprising and uplifting stories of the ordinary and extraordinary lives they encounter every single day. From working with the living, the dying, the dead and the grieving, Anna and Louise share the lessons they've learned about life, death, love and loss.

If we acknowledge and accept our mortality, can we live a better life? If we embrace the end of life in the same way as we embrace the beginning, can we transform our lives? This is a book about life and living, as much as it's a book about death and dying. It's a reflection on the beauties, blessings and tragedies of life, the exquisite agony and ecstasy of being alive, and the fragility of everything we hold dear. It's as simple and as complicated as that.

Genres: Nonfiction, Death, Grief, Medical, Audiobook, Memoir

305 pages, Kindle Edition

Published March 18, 2021

Reviews

[Soo · Rating 1 out of 5]

What a thoroughly depressing book, entirely due to the abrasive and arrogant writing by both authors. I couldn’t finish it and gave up. I was hoping it would be a similar book to the wonderful one written by Dr Kathryn Mannix but it was nothing like that beautiful book at all.

[Miss Syreena · Rating 5 out of 5]

A beautiful and helpful resource, but not something to read just for fun.

“You never ‘get over’ the death of someone you love. You may learn to live with it and without their physical presence, but you’ll never get over them.”

“No matter how much time you have (or think you have), what do you wish you had more time for? What really brings you happiness, peace, contentment, satisfaction, purpose? What stops you from doing those things? To me, those are the only two questions you have to ask yourself”

[Amelia Sanders · Rating 5 out of 5]

While the authors of this book are from the UK, and things are done slightly different there, this book is a phenomenal read & resource. It is definitely not a ‘fun’ read at times but it is absolutely one that makes you think and process things like grief, funeral planning, and the death of loved ones. This book was more helpful personally and professionally, than any of the lectures we had on death & dying/hospice & palliative care in school. I very much recommend it.

[Andy · Rating 4 out of 5]

first hand accounts from two professionals in healthcare, palliative care, end of life care give their expertise and short vignettes from a variety of people on their experience approaching their own death or dealing with death of loved one
demystifies, very honest

[Emilia Skórska · Rating 4 out of 5]

IReally important book, helping to normalise death as a normal subject that can and should be talked about, in different contexts. Mostly focused on death caused by various illnesses. Many very practical informations

[MKF · Rating 2 out of 5]

I really enjoyed this book and was ready to give it three stars. But then I started thinking about some of the things I was reading and it stopped me. One of the authors is a death doula and promotes the use of them and great they are to the families who use them. Then it dawned on me that not once does she ever mention the cost of a doula or the actual process of hiring one. This seemed a little odd to me because we should know about the process. Do you just google death doulas or ask the medical people? I would hope doula's would discuss every cost that a family is expected to pay. Could an average or poorer family actually be able to afford one especially for a long period time for as long as the patient lives? She does mention she sometimes helps families after the person dies so does that add to the bill? Okay yes I am probably overthinking this but this book is supposed to make you think about end of life care. The author's talk about how expensive funerals can be but nothing about the costs of the doulas they want more people to use. I think this should of been included.
Another thing that's not a complaint is that this is a book from the UK and so it is directed more to an UK audience. So many things discussed may actually be different in other countries.
The last thing though is why are they so obessed with susage rolls for funerals?

[Tom Bond · Rating 4 out of 5]

Talks a good game about opening your mind and embracing different ways of dying and grieving, but I couldn't escape the nagging feeling that it was pushing their preferred way of doing things.

E.g. being around dying loved ones or seeing their bodies after they've passed.

There are plenty of notes that 'it's fine if you don't want to!' but also, the amount they sing the praises of their preferred methods makes you feel like you're being judged for not doing them.

Likewise, the section on things not to say to someone who's grieving...lots of the phrases they veto were actually very helpful to me when grieving, and their recommended phrases sometimes had the air of slightly useless promises. There's only so many variations on "I understand this is horrible and I'm here for you" that anyone can take! Personally it really cheers me up to be reminded that the person I'm grieving lived a long and happy life, or that they werent in pain at the end.

Those quibbles aside, it was a good, very thorough, and emotional look at how we can all benefit from a bit more honesty and emotional vulnerability around death.

[Charlotte Falkner · Rating 2 out of 5]

Overall, a pretty well-rounded book addressing bereavement, grief, mourning, and the subject of human death, dying, funerals, and how to deal with them. As in almost all my other reviews about grief books, I just don't care for the "personal stories" this kind of book includes. I imagine they must help some people, but they just annoy me no end. Also, the poems included are unmoving to me, but the various lists are comprehensive and probably helpful or those people who have never spent any time thinking about death or dying. I like the "Unsaid" board idea but am not a fan of the "Life. Death. Whatever." theme. Whatever? The best portions I found were those with advice on how to deal with a patient--from the patient's point of view. Now THAT'S useful! Anyway, last to say is that this book is written largely by and for people living in the UK so there are some terms, concepts, places, and procedures that people living in the US won't understand or have access to.

[Julia de’Caneva · Rating 5 out of 5]

I thought this book was very informative and helpful. The authors are based in the UK, so not all of the practical suggestions apply to all other countries, but I really appreciated all of the lists of questions to consider and reflections.
Some other reviewers complained about how one author is a death doula and the other is a funeral director and both recommend their own services, which although is true, doesn’t make the book feel like an advertisement. In my experience people don’t realize the options available to them, and this book serves to inform you of all the options.
This book is great for people interested in not only the practical side of death and dying, but also in the reflection of mortality: an invitation to live well.

[Steph · Rating 5 out of 5]

Written by an end of life doula and a progressive funeral director, this book tells you everything you need to know about death.

It sounds dark, you cover miscarriages, funerals, palliative care, grief.... But actually it's so helpful. It will help you know what to say and how to support a friend going through a hard time and sooner or later we all suffer a loss.

This book won't 'cure' your grief. But it might make it easier to ask for help and it might guide you through the death admin and choices available.

There is also a lot of discussion about how to live and really enjoy live, because as the title says, We All Know How This Ends'.

[Tamara · Rating 2 out of 5]

I erroneously thought the authors would be writing these suggestions/stories, but it's really a compilation of stories from their website/reader-submitted stories that aren't really coherent and didn't really appeal to me or help me.
also, urging everyone to view the body of the deceased is extremely unhelpful and incorrect. have they never encountered people who died in horrible accidents, for instance? and even if not, some of us humans can't handle this and it would be very detrimental to our grieving process to be forced to look upon their body.

[Marie · Rating 5 out of 5]

Death is still living. Death is a transition.

There is an undeniable beauty in the impermanence of life and its inherent fragility. If we can embrace our mortality, we can begin to embrace our lives on our own terms, with grace and dignity.

Quality is more important than quality.

Facing and embracing death will help you live a better life.

[Lucy · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is the ultimate handbook for all things life and living, death and dying. I learnt so much from this book, especially about funerals and the industry surrounding it. At times it might be hard to read, but as the authors say, feel free to take what you need and leave the rest.

[Mark Blenz · Rating 5 out of 5]

Helpful resource for dealing with the topic everyone has/will deal with. Definitely a book to revisit many times over. I believe that while these subjects are hard to read and process, books like this make it a bit easier, and offer clarity on a topic that is fundamentally unknown and scary.

[Malola · Rating 5 out of 5]

Interesting book. I thought it'd be distracting having the two authors reading, but it actually brought a very interesting dynamic. They have a nice cadence together.
The book is not a particularly deep book. It presents "obvious" things, but it's nice to hear them spell out. Nothing that would wow the common reader, still there are some important things there. Particularly for friends and family who want to support grieving people.

[Lynn · Rating 5 out of 5]

Thought provoking brilliant book! Thank you

[Carrie Thoreson · Rating 2 out of 5]

Hard book to read mainly because it kept jumping between topics. Liked that it takes the stigma out of death and dying but it needed cohesion.

[Ariana · Rating 5 out of 5]

Great topics everyone needs to read and discuss before an end of life crisis takes you by surprise. More for a British audience, but still relevant for anyone.

[RevaC · Rating 4 out of 5]

Pretty basic info on death and dying. Good if you haven’t had any experience in these areas. Lots of practical advice.

[Wendy · Rating 4 out of 5]

Lovely, but I almost wish it was written as three separate books. Although interesting, I could have completely skipped the entire section on funerals.

[Georgie Melrose · Rating 4 out of 5]

Calm, competent, and direct. This was a comfort to read.

[Sarah Robinson · Rating 2 out of 5]

Wish it was more about death. Felt like more than half the book was about funerals. Annotated a few pages. It was ok.

[stacie · Rating 5 out of 5]

It took me a long time to get through this book compared to others I read. However, it was a realistic and "tell it like it is" book about dying, death, and grief. There was more information about death after a long illness than unexpected death, but it was still an excellent book. I would recommend this book to others who want to know more about death and dying. I really liked the 5 things sections and lists near the end.