Restless Heart: My Struggle with Life & Sexuality

by Kim Zember

In this candid and vulnerable memoir, Kim Zember exposes details of her life that many wouldn’t dare to admit, let alone publish.

Her desires for women, money, and comfort lead her down a path far from that of her Christian upbringing. Her impulsive lifestyle, coupled with an underlying fear of being alone, constantly drive her to drown out the small whisper of God she hears in moments of silence and stillness.

Torn by her desires, she lives a double life, jumping back and forth from husband to girlfriends, drunken nights to morning church, Southern California real estate to nonprofit work in Ethiopia.

These pages of conflict, questioning, and seeking embody the struggle of a human soul. Yet even out of the darkest moments, love breaks through in radical ways and carries her into her God-given purpose, into serving others, into joy.

Kim’s transparency about her life offers encouragement to those seeking peace and joy for their own restless hearts. In the end, love wins.

Genres: Memoir, Catholic, Christian, Faith

183 pages, Paperback

Published September 17, 2020

Reviews

[Elena Salgado · Rating 5 out of 5]

Amazing testimony

I can't believe how this author poured out her heart and soul onto these pages. Her testimony is so profound and raw. Her bravery shines through in the midst of all her trials. God also shines through her whole life. Thank you for sharing.

[Sofia · Rating 5 out of 5]

What an incredible testimony! Thank you Kim for sharing your life and your journey with Christ in such a heartfelt way. All through it was tangible that you have poured your whole soul in it.
Definitely recommend!

[Alysha Daley · Rating 5 out of 5]

So so good. Finished reading in two days. A true look at same sex attraction through a Christian’s eyes, without being preachy. Everyone should read this!

[Shelby Poinikiewski · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book was really good. I appreciated her honesty and just laying it all out there, and her strength in reaching out to Jesus again and again and again. This book really taught me a lot about sin and selfishness and how it can live in our comfortable lives, the world telling us it's okay and to just "be ourselves" and celebrate that. I could see my own patterns of sin and selfishness in my life mirroring Kim's, and I was really grateful to get her full and honest perspective as someone who struggles with life and sexuality and wants to follow Christ with all her heart.

[Alex · Rating 5 out of 5]

It doesn’t get more real and authentic than this!

Such an incredible book...so real, authentic, raw and you could feel both her life and heart were laid wide open in complete surrender and faith in God, for all He was calling her to do. Excellent writing style that made it an easy read. Sad when the book ended, because I wanted to continue with her on her journey to see more of what God was doing in and through her. Looking forward to reading her next book.

[Claire · Rating 5 out of 5]

Inspiring. A book that will move your heart to compassion. Kim’s raw and honest testimony of her life experiences expose the true depth of the love, mercy, and faithfulness of God. Even in the midst of pride, selfishness, disordered desires, and brokenness Kim shows you are never too far from the love,forgiveness, hope, and true freedom of the Lord. You do not have to be someone who experiences same-sex attraction to relate or have your heart touched by the real Truths in her story. Powerful.

[Will Basta · Rating 3 out of 5]

Very solid book. Easy to read, enjoyable reading through her life experiences. It becomes a little slow when you’re reading through 160 pages of just her life experiences, the redundant highs and lows. However, those pages were giving all of the background for the punchline starting in the “appointed” chapter. She has several fire lines that I think would help anybody that reads this.

She just hits on the facts that everybody is broken. Everybody needs healing, everyone is struggling, but most people don’t even know it, and if they do, they don’t know where to look. Kim shares her story of running to Jesus and encourages others to do the same. And not just running to Jesus for a little advice, but going all in. Surrendering everythinggg in your life to Jesus. Letting Him guide you in every aspect of life is the only way to experience the truest joy, peace, fulfillment, and freedom.

It was essential for Kim to suffer through everything in her life to be able to publicly speak to others about these topics in a powerful, moving, and intimate way. Reinforcing the classic line…Your misery is your ministry.

If someone is struggling with same sex attraction, I highly recommend it. If you’re not struggling with same sex attraction, I still recommend.

[Ann · Rating 3 out of 5]

I was recently informed about this book, and considering that the issues addressed in it are a hot topic and have generated some confusion —sadly— within the Church, I read it curious to see what this book had to say.

WOW. This is a wild and amazing story of redemption and love. Seriously. Whoa. Kim is incredibly open and down to earth as she spills out her incredible story… and all the pain and confusion that went with it.

There were a few grammatical errors that I found really distracting.
But overall, solid book and a powerful story.

[robin vanguard · Rating 4 out of 5]

always up for reading a book that shares the experience of a fellow side b (celibate ssa/lgbtq+ Christians) human.

kim is very open with her story. you get a feel for her struggles, and her humanity, which leaves your heart open for spiritual growth in Christ. i loved her approachable narrative. these kinds of stories can often be layered with theological musings, so it's nice have something that focuses more on the experience of sexuality rather than its justification.

my only quibble is her reliance on asking questions. it can get a little much reading four or five questions in a row, even if they're meant to invite introspection.

thanks for your words, kim! i first saw you on ascension presents and it's nice to see your visibility growing.

[Summer Morgan · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is such an easy read, it feels like you’re having a conversation with the author herself! She shared such impactful experiences with ease and it really moves you as you read. Her story is so beautiful and there are many lessons to be learned as you read this book! Highly recommend to any and all!!

[Joshua Ross Matlack · Rating 5 out of 5]

a story of a desire, no not that one…GOD

This book is an excellent read for those on the spiritual path struggling with their conscience. While the content is very personal, it can enliven many different paths to God; not just around sexuality. Because any impulsive behavior is tenderly cared for by God.

[Irene Ferraro · Rating 4 out of 5]

Spoke to my sin nature

The struggle is real people, back sliding into poor behaviors will always be a lion in the room. The words, “Jesus help me” resonates deep within my soul. Kim your struggles are real, but your spiritual tool box is stellar. No white flags for you until you see the face of Jesus! Thank you ..

[Hanna Richter · Rating 4 out of 5]

A modern day Prodigal Son or St. Augustine-esque story. Easy, simple read, a bit choppy in it's writing style. Truly witnesses to the power of God pursuing all his lost sheep, and the power of the gospel in our lives.

[AMDG · Rating 5 out of 5]

Great and very helpful testimony.
Kim is a very honest, sincere and direct person. She has a really beautiful soul that shines in her testimony. She bravely exposes her story to help thousands of other souls in the same position. God bless her for her example!

[Emmy · Rating 4 out of 5]

Kim Zember is an amazing woman. Like all conversion memoirs, this was a messy one, but a fascinating tale of a woman who struggles with her sexuality and God's plan for her life. I couldn't put it down. In fact, I tore through this in less than a day--it was so good!

[Heather · Rating 5 out of 5]

Outstanding memoir full of vulnerability and truth. I highly recommend it to everyone. Her life story doesn’t have to be reflected in your own for you to gain tremendously from this book.

[ariana · Rating 4 out of 5]

Captivating testimony. Much can be learned from Zember's humility.

[Rachel Justin · Rating 5 out of 5]

5 Stars

Wonderfully well written, honesty, and truly heartwarming. Christ forgives and will always welcome us back from our sins with an open and loving heart.

[Jessica Mannella · Rating 3 out of 5]

Very easy read and a beautiful story about her journey with Christ! 3.5

[Gretchen Forcum · Rating 4 out of 5]

This memoir is wonderful! Zember is so vulnerable and raw in this personal account of her imperfect but beautiful life.