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132 pages, Paperback
First published May 5, 2021
Insecure Halfwit Narcissist Blond American President: "You don't fucking get it, do you?! You think being smart is worth a goddamn thing? That's not what matters--and it never has! The people who get all the power are the ones that know that uniting people doesn't take fucking "ideas" or goddamn "data". It just takes hating some other fucking losers together! It takes making sure you always get better shit than them, and your fans do, too!"
Alien Ambassador: "I would like to offer your people a trial membership in the universal alliance called The Covalence. As part of this alliance, you will be offered access to freely shared technologies and concepts which, used wisely, shall heal your wounded planet and free your people from hunger, disease, war, and inequality."
Insecure Halfwit Narcissist Blond American President: "What you're saying, it sounds nice. Just a real liberal wet dream. But before we start throwing things around for free here, we need to make some deals. See, the U-S-of-A? We've been doing most of the heavy lifting on Earth. We have all the guns. Hell, we shit guns. We're like all the other countries combined except in beast mode. So I'd like to propose a deal--that anything you offer, I get first pass for MY country and the hard-working Christians with their tough trucks and cold beer and balls of steel and GOOD AMERICAN MORALS who prop up all these other crappy countries. So, you know, before those Mexicans start taking things they don't deserve and crying about how they don't have enough beans for their tacos, let's do a deal, honey."
Alien Ambassador: [zaps halfwit's balls with purple electricity]
Insecure Halfwit Narcissist Blond American President: "SQUEEGH!!!"
Hero Scientist: "That's my new ringtone."