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Who I Was with Her
In which a closeted bisexual teen girl loses her secret girlfriend in a car accident, and finds herself mourning the loss of a person and relationship no one around her knew existed, completely unable to talk about it with anyone.
9 pages, Audiobook
First published September 15, 2020
184 people are currently reading
17335 people want to read
About the author
Nita Tyndall
5 books323 followersNita Tyndall is a queer author and literary translator from North Carolina. Their YA novels from HarperTeen received critical acclaim, and their debut Who I Was with Her won the Bisexual Book Award in 2021. Their translations from the German have appeared in World Literature Today and New Books in German. When they’re not writing, they’re playing D&D or listening to European musicals. They split their time between Germany and North Carolina with their partners.
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May 24, 2019Well I wrote it, so!
I can’t wait for all of you to meet Corinne, my messy, complicated protagonist whom I love.
I can’t wait for all of you to meet Corinne, my messy, complicated protagonist whom I love.
October 1, 2020
Oooooof, this hit me right in the sad queer girl feels. I liked it so, so much.
TW: death of a loved one, alcoholism, homophobia, slut shaming
TW: death of a loved one, alcoholism, homophobia, slut shaming
October 17, 2020
I read this all through in a day whilst listening to my sad sapphic yearning playlist (yes, I have one of those) and basically it resulted in me crying a lot.
this is a sad yet quietly beautiful and hopeful little book that had some aspects that unexpectedly dug a little deeper for me than they will do for some others, but I did really love it.
full review to come soon <3
> 4.2 or 4.5 stars
*
two thoughts:
a) this cover is stunning
b) I am absolutely going to need a box of tissues in reach before I start this, I can feel it in my bones
this is a sad yet quietly beautiful and hopeful little book that had some aspects that unexpectedly dug a little deeper for me than they will do for some others, but I did really love it.
full review to come soon <3
> 4.2 or 4.5 stars
*
two thoughts:
a) this cover is stunning
b) I am absolutely going to need a box of tissues in reach before I start this, I can feel it in my bones
September 12, 2022
SCREAMING CRYING!
AHHHHH QUE JOYA TAN DOLOROSA LEANLO YA, YA, YA! Este libro maravilloso que leí a principios de mes y sigo sin superar. Nos cuenta la historia de Cornnie, una chava que salía con la capitana del equipo contrario al de ella (el deporte de ambas es correr, creo que atletismo) El punto es que Maggie, la capitana, muere y Cornnie queda sola; También a ella le cuesta un montón aceptar quien es y amarse tal cual, tiene mucho miedo a lo que la gente va a decir, le tiene miedo a amar mujeres. Al perder a la única persona con la que contaba, ya que también se había alejado de sus amigxs, Cornnie esta muy triste, pero de pronto va a poder contar con alguien, otra ex de Maggie que es la única que puede entenderla. DIGANME SI ESA SINOPSIS NO LES DA GANAS DE DEJARLO TPDO Y LEERLO. La verdad es un libro que me pegó (y perdonen por usar la palabra, pero) UN CHINGO, como alguien que estuvo en el closet por mucho tiempo, me dio mucha nostalgia por la persona que una vez no pude ser, me dieron ganas de abrazarla. Me vi reflejada en varias etapas de mi vida, en situaciones pasadas y actuales que he vivido y de verdad eso es algo que aprecio mucho, el poder sentir tanto en 300 páginas. La protagonista crece muchísimo a lo largo de este libro y aprende un montón y la amo, al igual que a las 3 chicas en este libro. Si estás en el closet, precaucion al leer este libro, pero porfavor date la oportunidad de leerlo, de paso, les escribí una carta, esta en la segunda foto. Es una historia muy muy bella, con frases increíbles y que ame demasiado, denle una oportunidad porfavor.
AHHHHH QUE JOYA TAN DOLOROSA LEANLO YA, YA, YA! Este libro maravilloso que leí a principios de mes y sigo sin superar. Nos cuenta la historia de Cornnie, una chava que salía con la capitana del equipo contrario al de ella (el deporte de ambas es correr, creo que atletismo) El punto es que Maggie, la capitana, muere y Cornnie queda sola; También a ella le cuesta un montón aceptar quien es y amarse tal cual, tiene mucho miedo a lo que la gente va a decir, le tiene miedo a amar mujeres. Al perder a la única persona con la que contaba, ya que también se había alejado de sus amigxs, Cornnie esta muy triste, pero de pronto va a poder contar con alguien, otra ex de Maggie que es la única que puede entenderla. DIGANME SI ESA SINOPSIS NO LES DA GANAS DE DEJARLO TPDO Y LEERLO. La verdad es un libro que me pegó (y perdonen por usar la palabra, pero) UN CHINGO, como alguien que estuvo en el closet por mucho tiempo, me dio mucha nostalgia por la persona que una vez no pude ser, me dieron ganas de abrazarla. Me vi reflejada en varias etapas de mi vida, en situaciones pasadas y actuales que he vivido y de verdad eso es algo que aprecio mucho, el poder sentir tanto en 300 páginas. La protagonista crece muchísimo a lo largo de este libro y aprende un montón y la amo, al igual que a las 3 chicas en este libro. Si estás en el closet, precaucion al leer este libro, pero porfavor date la oportunidad de leerlo, de paso, les escribí una carta, esta en la segunda foto. Es una historia muy muy bella, con frases increíbles y que ame demasiado, denle una oportunidad porfavor.
September 25, 2022
stories with bisexual protagonists dealing with grief? my kink i guess.
September 19, 2020
“Now my heart is with a girl in a coffin in the ground. But that girl wanted me to be better, she wanted my heart to be in it, so I could keep running with her. So for her, I’ll try.”
Who I Was With Her is an incredibly powerful YA Contemporary about grief and figuring out what you want from life.
This story is about 17-year old Corinne, whose girlfriend, Maggie, suddenly dies in a car accident. But because both girls were still in the closet, nobody knew that they were in a relationship and so we follow Corinne as she tries to deal with this loss while nobody knows what Maggie meant to her.
So as you can tell from this synopsis, this is a very hard-hitting novel. The tone of this book is overall rather sad and melancholic and it is definitely not an easy read, so for sure be in the right headspace when going into this novel.
But it is also a very powerful read, that turns a devastating experience into a journey for Corinne to focus on herself and figure out what she really wants from life.
“I start to run down the hill, push myself as hard as I can. Running down this hill doesn’t feel quite like flying, not when I’m trying to pace myself, but it’s sure damn close. I just hope my wings don’t burn up in the sun.”
The grief depicted in this book is incredibly well done. Corinne feels like she no longer knows who she is without Maggie and she has trouble really defining for herself what not only the relationship but also this grief means for her when she can't even talk about it with anyone or be open about the way she is feeling.
There is also a lot of guilt that Corinne deals with. Whenever she feels a second of happiness or she is laughing with friends, she immediately has thoughts about how she can't believe she forgot about Maggie and her grief so easily.
And there is a lot of looking back to her relationship with Maggie and wondering about the way she behaved, how she should've reacted differently sometimes or certain things that she didn't know about Maggie.
All those aspects add to a very nuanced and realistic depiction of grief.
“I’m sorry I couldn’t be the girl she saw me as. I loved her, I loved her, I loved her. I don’t know who I am without her. She wanted me to be all these big, grand things; she had these dreams for us and—That’s not me. I am not out and proud; I am scared out of my mind. Maggie wanted, so I didn’t have to.”
The only person who knew about Corinne and Maggie's relationship was Maggie's brother, Dylan. They have a really messy but interesting relationship in this book too and you can always feel all the anger and sadness from the grief flowing into their conversations. But at the same time, you can also see how they both know they are two of the people who knew Maggie best and they definitely bond over that way more than they ever have before her death.
Dylan is also the one who introduces Corinne to Elissa, Maggie's ex-girlfriend. Now this is a storyline that honestly feels a little bit questionable in parts but ultimately also offers a lot of realistic aspects. Dylan hopes that Corinne can find some comfort with Elissa, as they have dated the same person and can lean on each other.. and they do, which quickly turns into there being some chemistry between the two.
This all happens not too long after Maggie's death and throughout the book you are definitely questioning the nature of these feelings. I felt like this aspect was handled okay and was very much just another part of Corinne's grieving process but I also wish it would've been explored more and especially sooner in the book.
Especially the power dynamic between the two was off sometimes. Corinne is 17 and still goes to high school while Elissa is 19 and at college and Elissa also reads older than 19 to me personally. On top of that, she was definitely placed in this book as someone that Corinne could lean on for support while dealing with her girlfriend's death. While I understood where Corinne's attraction and thoughts about Elissa came from, I really would've wanted for Elissa to be more of a sensible and responsible person in this scenario. Obviously she is also still quite young and grieving too and you can tell she has her doubts about this whole situation sometimes but I wish it would've been on-page a little bit more, especially when it feels like, again, her purpose in this book was to help Corinne with her grief. It just made me feel weird and slightly uncomfortable about their dynamics sometimes.
“I thought I didn’t have more tears left but I guess I do, because I’m crying into her shirt, because I don’t want her to lose me, either. I don’t want to be lost. ”
This story also very heavily deals with Corinne's family relationship. Her parents are divorced and her mother struggles with alcoholism. While the divorce was a while ago, we can still see Corinne struggle with it and especially feeling like her dad just abandoned her mum and her alcohol issues, which Corinne now has to deal with herself.
Apart from the obvious sapphic storyline and Corinne being bisexual, we also have an asexual side-character, Julia, who figures out that she is asexual and finds this label for herself throughout the story. I thought that it was a really well-done element and showed that this is an aspect that can be easily packed into a side-storyline, while still being done with care.
In general, the friendship between Corinne and Julia, who is her best friend, was a really interesting and nuanced aspect of this book too. Their friendship definitely suffered in the past year because Corinne spend so much time with Maggie and also could never tell Julia what she was doing and so that definitely created a rift between the two. Within this book, they find their way back together and I very much liked seeing their development throughout.
They also had a short but important discussion about privilege, as Julia is a woman of colour, as is her boyfriend, but I think there is no description beyond Julia having "deep brown skin".
On top of all that, this book obviously also has a huge focus on coming out and talks a lot about how different circumstances can really influence your experience with coming out. All the actual on-page coming out processes are super good experiences and show that it is also different for everyone but there are definitely discussions in this book that are quite tough when it comes to other people pressuring you into coming out or making you feel not valid for being scared to do so. I think that it was a well-done aspect and the discussions were always nuanced, where you could understand everyone's POV but I definitely think that in part it very hard to read.
“This is my coming out. One person at a time. No big statement, no grand gesture. Only people I want to tell. Why should I come out the way everyone else wants me to?”
I also very much enjoyed the form of storytelling. We go back and forth in time, to when Corinne and Maggie met or had their first kiss and then back to the current times. This worked perfectly for this kind of book! Plus, all the chapters, but especially the ones in the past, where super short, which is honestly my favourite kind of chapters.
This book also talks about Corinne getting her period and masturbating and there is a sapphic sex scene (with an emphasis on consent) that is not explicit but still makes it very clear what is happening, which are all elements I am always glad to see in YA.
“I have stopped counting how long it’s been since she died. She deserves to be remembered, not measured by the days of my grief or how long it’s been since she left. She deserves to be remembered for who she was.”
Overall, this book just deals with so many different things, so many messy characters and relationships but I enjoyed reading about it all so much. There is a lot of guilt-tripping and forcing people to do stuff and not accepting what people want and changing who you are or what you want for another person.. but after finishing the novel you are left with a sense that all these characters have learned from their mistakes and really developed as people.
And that, ultimately, is all that I wanted as I was reading the book.
The aspects are very nuanced and I am deeply impressed with how many topics were packed into this short Contemporary novel.
If you can handle the tougher themes within this book, it definitely comes with a huge recommendations from me.
Trigger and Content Warnings for loss of a loved one, car accident (off-page), grief alcoholism, underage drinking/alcohol abuse.
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I received an ARC through Edelweiss in exchange for an honest review!
November 28, 2020
Who I Was With Her is a novel about grief, acceptance and finding yourself. Corinne Parker’s girlfriend, Maggie, dies suddenly and tragically in a car crash and we follow Corinne as she deals with this loss. The situation is made more difficult because Corinne isn’t out and no one knew that the girls were together. Grieving publicly means outing them both and Corinne isn’t prepared to do that. Instead, she finds solace in Maggie’s ex, the only one who understands.
I was hesitant going into this book because I do not like sad books (although my Goodreads favourites shelf would disagree). I tend to avoid this type of book because I have this idea in my head that they’re all slow and depressing and boring. Who I Was With Her easily destroyed that idea and all my expectations. Don’t get me wrong, it is definitely a sad book but it is also so much more.
What really surprised me about this book was the pacing - I associate books dealing with grief and loss with a much slower pace but the fast pacing used here worked perfectly. It felt like the reader was taken along for a ride in Corinne’s life where things kept happening, even as she mourned; where life kept going despite Maggie’s death. The use of flashback chapters to the time before Maggie’s death also helped move the story forward. These flashbacks provided depth and background to the girls’ relationship and made Corinne’s grief all the more palpable. I adored how short chapters were used to create this effect of time moving faster and they made the book so easy and quick to read.
This book explored grief very honestly, showing it to be complicated and messy and difficult. I, thankfully, haven’t experienced grief on such a large scale but the way it’s presented here felt very real to me. Another important theme in this book was acceptance. This is a theme I find really interesting, particularly in the way it interacts with sexuality. In Who I Was With Her, Corinne was struggling with accepting her bisexuality. She was terrified of losing the acceptance of her peers and family, of being judged and talked about by strangers. This fear is such a big part of her character and Nita Tyndall explored it with a lot of nuance and sensitivity. None of the characters in this book were perfect, they were all messy and all made mistakes and I loved it. It’s so important to have teen characters being teens in YA and to show that it’s okay to be imperfect and get things wrong sometimes.
I don’t really have any complaints about this book. The only thing I would say is that I wanted more. I wish it had gone harder and sadder and truly broken me (yes, this from the girl who doesn’t like sad books). It felt like I was waiting for something more to happen, for something that would really hurt me.
Overall, I really enjoyed this book. With authentic characters and raw moments, Who I Was With Her explored important themes with nuance and honesty and carried a really important message of self acceptance and doing what’s right for yourself.
I also talk about books here: youtube | instagram | twitter
*eARC received in exchange for an honest review via the publisher and Edelweiss*
I was hesitant going into this book because I do not like sad books (although my Goodreads favourites shelf would disagree). I tend to avoid this type of book because I have this idea in my head that they’re all slow and depressing and boring. Who I Was With Her easily destroyed that idea and all my expectations. Don’t get me wrong, it is definitely a sad book but it is also so much more.
What really surprised me about this book was the pacing - I associate books dealing with grief and loss with a much slower pace but the fast pacing used here worked perfectly. It felt like the reader was taken along for a ride in Corinne’s life where things kept happening, even as she mourned; where life kept going despite Maggie’s death. The use of flashback chapters to the time before Maggie’s death also helped move the story forward. These flashbacks provided depth and background to the girls’ relationship and made Corinne’s grief all the more palpable. I adored how short chapters were used to create this effect of time moving faster and they made the book so easy and quick to read.
This book explored grief very honestly, showing it to be complicated and messy and difficult. I, thankfully, haven’t experienced grief on such a large scale but the way it’s presented here felt very real to me. Another important theme in this book was acceptance. This is a theme I find really interesting, particularly in the way it interacts with sexuality. In Who I Was With Her, Corinne was struggling with accepting her bisexuality. She was terrified of losing the acceptance of her peers and family, of being judged and talked about by strangers. This fear is such a big part of her character and Nita Tyndall explored it with a lot of nuance and sensitivity. None of the characters in this book were perfect, they were all messy and all made mistakes and I loved it. It’s so important to have teen characters being teens in YA and to show that it’s okay to be imperfect and get things wrong sometimes.
I don’t really have any complaints about this book. The only thing I would say is that I wanted more. I wish it had gone harder and sadder and truly broken me (yes, this from the girl who doesn’t like sad books). It felt like I was waiting for something more to happen, for something that would really hurt me.
Overall, I really enjoyed this book. With authentic characters and raw moments, Who I Was With Her explored important themes with nuance and honesty and carried a really important message of self acceptance and doing what’s right for yourself.
I also talk about books here: youtube | instagram | twitter
*eARC received in exchange for an honest review via the publisher and Edelweiss*
April 7, 2024
04/0702024
Equally as moving the second time around. Having read so much, I struggle to define a single favourite book, but this book makes a compelling argument to be it. I'm completely enamoured by this story and Nita Tyndall's writing. The way the themes of grief and queer identity intersect is truly stunning. And the question as to whether it's more alleviating to be open in your grief or comfortable in your identity is fascinating. I cannot recommend this book enough!
02/14/2022
What beautifully written book, in so many ways, but I'll focus on the main two, as they are the most important and complex issues. For one, this book explores grief beautifully. It explores it in the way you'd expect from a book with this premise, but it also explores the darker sides of grief, such as anger, jealousy and the possessiveness of memories, without painting any of the characters as bad people for feeling these things. Secondly, this is one of the best "coming out" stories I've read in a long time. The premise had me worried that the conclusion of this book would be the main character coming out for the sake of her deceased girlfriend, but that's not what it is. This book accepts that not everyones coming our journey is the same. Some people are accepted and welcomed whereas others are not, but people have different motives for coming out as well. In a relationship where only one person is out it makes sense for one partner to be upset that they have to hide their relationship, but the other person also does not owe them their coming out. Being queer is honestly really complicated, and this book understands that. There is so much more I could say, but instead I'll just urge everyone to read this book so they can process this story on their own, rather than simply have me tell you all its merits.
Equally as moving the second time around. Having read so much, I struggle to define a single favourite book, but this book makes a compelling argument to be it. I'm completely enamoured by this story and Nita Tyndall's writing. The way the themes of grief and queer identity intersect is truly stunning. And the question as to whether it's more alleviating to be open in your grief or comfortable in your identity is fascinating. I cannot recommend this book enough!
02/14/2022
What beautifully written book, in so many ways, but I'll focus on the main two, as they are the most important and complex issues. For one, this book explores grief beautifully. It explores it in the way you'd expect from a book with this premise, but it also explores the darker sides of grief, such as anger, jealousy and the possessiveness of memories, without painting any of the characters as bad people for feeling these things. Secondly, this is one of the best "coming out" stories I've read in a long time. The premise had me worried that the conclusion of this book would be the main character coming out for the sake of her deceased girlfriend, but that's not what it is. This book accepts that not everyones coming our journey is the same. Some people are accepted and welcomed whereas others are not, but people have different motives for coming out as well. In a relationship where only one person is out it makes sense for one partner to be upset that they have to hide their relationship, but the other person also does not owe them their coming out. Being queer is honestly really complicated, and this book understands that. There is so much more I could say, but instead I'll just urge everyone to read this book so they can process this story on their own, rather than simply have me tell you all its merits.
November 12, 2020
3.5 Stars
CW:
Well that was quite a raw exploration of grief. It was heartbreaking to watch Corinne dealing with the loss of her girlfriend but not be at liberty to grieve openly as their relationship was a secret. Corinne had not been ready to be openly bisexual so the year long relationship had remained hidden from family and friends. I felt emotion in all the right places but I think Corinne's intense grief was hard to be around to be honest. I enjoyed the format as the alternate timelines showed us how the relationship developed, and how she dealt with Maggie's death. In terms of the writing, there was some repetition of certain phrases that grew a bit tiresome and gave Corinne a slightly younger voice in my opinion.
I loved how this novel illustrated that working out who you are isn't easy and in fact can be plain messy. Another important idea addressed in this novel is being pressured by others to assign yourself to a 'label' even if you don't feel ready to do so. I feel like both of these issues are important and so it's good to see them examined in a YA novel.
Overall, I was happy with how the story unfolded and felt relieved at the author's ending as I was worried it would go in a direction that wouldn't have felt authentic. A solid 3.5 Stars.
CW:
Well that was quite a raw exploration of grief. It was heartbreaking to watch Corinne dealing with the loss of her girlfriend but not be at liberty to grieve openly as their relationship was a secret. Corinne had not been ready to be openly bisexual so the year long relationship had remained hidden from family and friends. I felt emotion in all the right places but I think Corinne's intense grief was hard to be around to be honest. I enjoyed the format as the alternate timelines showed us how the relationship developed, and how she dealt with Maggie's death. In terms of the writing, there was some repetition of certain phrases that grew a bit tiresome and gave Corinne a slightly younger voice in my opinion.
I loved how this novel illustrated that working out who you are isn't easy and in fact can be plain messy. Another important idea addressed in this novel is being pressured by others to assign yourself to a 'label' even if you don't feel ready to do so. I feel like both of these issues are important and so it's good to see them examined in a YA novel.
Overall, I was happy with how the story unfolded and felt relieved at the author's ending as I was worried it would go in a direction that wouldn't have felt authentic. A solid 3.5 Stars.
November 4, 2020
This book really just ripped my heart out of my chest -- repeatedly. The premise of this book tells you that it's going to be painful to read, but going into it, I don't think I quite realised just how much this book would hit me. This story is stunning, captivating and the pain and grief is so, so raw. The dual timeline was super helpful to driving the story forward and giving us some insight into the characters and how they got to where they are now.
A gorgeous, heart-wrenching story about grief, self-acceptance and sexuality.
1st read: 4th July 2020
2nd read: 4th November 2020
A gorgeous, heart-wrenching story about grief, self-acceptance and sexuality.
1st read: 4th July 2020
2nd read: 4th November 2020
August 25, 2025
💌 Now my heart is with a girl in a coffin in the ground. But that girl wanted me to be better, she wanted my heart to be in it, so I could keep running with her, so for her I'll try
Thoughts
This read will hit you in the feels right from the very beginning! A story packed with grief and finding yourself! As I've always mentioned I like to pick up this genre every once in a while for a palate cleanse but I went into this blindly so the emotional depth aspect was a pleasant surprise. I loved the pacing and the writing style was easy to follow
Plot Summary
Follows the death of Corrine Parker's girlfriend, Maggie, the story is told from Corrine's POV as she navigates life after the loss and to make things harder Corrine isn't out and nobody knows they were close. As the story unfolds Corrine deals with healing, conformations and self reflection.
Thoughts
This read will hit you in the feels right from the very beginning! A story packed with grief and finding yourself! As I've always mentioned I like to pick up this genre every once in a while for a palate cleanse but I went into this blindly so the emotional depth aspect was a pleasant surprise. I loved the pacing and the writing style was easy to follow
Plot Summary
Follows the death of Corrine Parker's girlfriend, Maggie, the story is told from Corrine's POV as she navigates life after the loss and to make things harder Corrine isn't out and nobody knows they were close. As the story unfolds Corrine deals with healing, conformations and self reflection.
August 5, 2021
fuck. i don’t remember the last time i actually cried while reading. so much of this book hit home for me; i can’t recommend it enough.
October 19, 2020
I cried my way through this. Literally. I have a headache now from crying so much. But it was just so damn good.
I expected the book to be mainly focused on the theme of grief, and it was, and it was very sad. But it also dealt a lot with the pressure to come out, and how terrifying it is to come out, and not being sure if you even want to. This resonated with me a lot.
I expected the book to be mainly focused on the theme of grief, and it was, and it was very sad. But it also dealt a lot with the pressure to come out, and how terrifying it is to come out, and not being sure if you even want to. This resonated with me a lot.
March 3, 2021
”take a breath. look in the mirror. say it again.
‘i’m bisexual.’
i burst into tears.”
told in the timelines of “before” and “after,” who i was with her is the story of corinne— a closeted bi girl whose secret girlfriend dies suddenly, with no one knowing about their relationship.
this is a book about coming out. and not just in the way were used to seeing in queer narratives.
this is about coming out to yourself. admitting to yourself who you are, saying those words out loud to your reflection for the first time. understanding yourself.
this is about deciding whether or not you can or you will or you should come out. about deciding for yourself if you’re safe, if it’s necessary, if it’s anyone’s business but your own.
this is about coming out because you think it’ll make someone else happy. about possibly going public with your relationship. about the pressure a partner can put on you to do so. about knowing how to handle that pressure.
so slight spoiler alert: my only qualm about this book—which i did very much enjoy and will be thinking about for a long time—is that i wish corinne stood up for her decision to not come out. she is pressured by multiple people throughout the book, in both timelines. she does start to understand that this is wrong at the end, but i wanted her to be more vocal about it. maybe she wasn’t ready. maybe it was something she was still learning to say. and that’s okay. maybe me putting pressure on her to stand up for herself is no better than others pressuring her to come out. but i so badly wanted her to say it.
so let me say this:
coming out is yours. sometimes the only person you come out to is yourself. or strangers on the internet. or your best friend. or the person you’re dating. and no matter who knows or who doesn’t know, it’s a beautiful thing to be you. and no one gets to decide if you come out or not, no matter how much you love them or they love you.
nita tyndall’s writing is fantastic throughout the book—there’s a lot about it to love. i love stories about grief. there’s so many different ways to grieve, and the exploration of these ways really interest me. the running metaphor throughout the book? i lived for every moment of it. i know i’ll be thinking about this book for a long time.
content warnings: death by car accident, biphobia, parent with alcoholism.
//
just.
holy heck.
maybe closer to like. 4-4.5 but i’m giving 5 stars because i’m gonna be thinking about this for a long time.
Want to read
November 7, 2019anyways I just started crying reading something the author tweeted about this so I think the book itself is going to BREAK me
October 2, 2020
"I am a girl with a secret.
(I am a secret.)"
(I am a secret.)"
January 25, 2021
2.5 stars.
I'm honestly not sure how to describe how I feel towards Who I Was with Her. Even though 2.5 stars is not a great rating, I still liked this book enough to finish it. (If I truly dislike a book, I would get bored and DNF it right away.)
Who I Was with Her, at its core, is a book about grief, the complexity and struggles of coming out, and trying to figure out what you want, as opposed to what you think everyone else wants for you. The main character, Corinne, is left heartbroken and alone after her girlfriend, Maggie, dies in a tragic car accident. Because Corinne is still closeted and coming to terms with her bisexuality, she is forced to grieve over Maggie in private, with no one, save for Maggie's brother and ex, knowing about her pain. Living in a religious small town in which there is a lot of homophobia (both casual and overt), Corinne struggles to embrace her own identity and discover what she really wants out of her life.
The premise of this book is truly a heartbreaking one, and yet, I sadly did not feel a lot of emotions while reading this. I felt disconnected from the writing style and never became emotionally invested enough in the characters such that I felt their pain. Like, in theory, I knew that I should feel sad, and hypothetically, my heart hurt for Corinne and everything she had to go through in the aftermath of her girlfriend's death. However, in reality, I just didn't experience a lot of emotions and felt apathetic toward the whole storyline :/ And I think a lot of it had to do with the lack of great character development and the rather simple and rushed writing. Not to mention, I felt uncomfortable over how Corinne's decision to come out was handled. I understand that life is messy and complicated, no one's perfect and everyone makes mistakes, and everyone's coming out journey is different, but the way this book approached this made me very ://
Furthermore, I think Who I Was with Her made me realize that I may have grown out of queer books that are mainly focused on queer characters' coming out arcs and homophobia, which is what this book is. While these kinds of queer books are very important (all LGBTQ+ stories should be told!!), I personally feel that, at least for the time being, I want to be reading books that embrace queer joy and normalize queerness, that naturally have a lot of characters of all identities without it being a big deal. When I was questioning and struggling with my own identity, I really needed to read books with characters that were in the same boat as me - it was validating and made me feel less alone. But now, I think I've gotten into a stage of my life that I'm mostly comfortable with my identity, and I want to read books that reflect that :)
Anyway, the point of the above spiel is that I don't think I read this book at the right time in my life, so it didn't resonate with me as much as I wish it did. For my personal enjoyment, this was a 2.5-star read, but I still think this is an important story to be told! I recommend this book if you are looking for a journey of self-discovery, coming out, and embracing one's true self in all its messy glory.
Content warnings:
I'm honestly not sure how to describe how I feel towards Who I Was with Her. Even though 2.5 stars is not a great rating, I still liked this book enough to finish it. (If I truly dislike a book, I would get bored and DNF it right away.)
Who I Was with Her, at its core, is a book about grief, the complexity and struggles of coming out, and trying to figure out what you want, as opposed to what you think everyone else wants for you. The main character, Corinne, is left heartbroken and alone after her girlfriend, Maggie, dies in a tragic car accident. Because Corinne is still closeted and coming to terms with her bisexuality, she is forced to grieve over Maggie in private, with no one, save for Maggie's brother and ex, knowing about her pain. Living in a religious small town in which there is a lot of homophobia (both casual and overt), Corinne struggles to embrace her own identity and discover what she really wants out of her life.
The premise of this book is truly a heartbreaking one, and yet, I sadly did not feel a lot of emotions while reading this. I felt disconnected from the writing style and never became emotionally invested enough in the characters such that I felt their pain. Like, in theory, I knew that I should feel sad, and hypothetically, my heart hurt for Corinne and everything she had to go through in the aftermath of her girlfriend's death. However, in reality, I just didn't experience a lot of emotions and felt apathetic toward the whole storyline :/ And I think a lot of it had to do with the lack of great character development and the rather simple and rushed writing. Not to mention, I felt uncomfortable over how Corinne's decision to come out was handled. I understand that life is messy and complicated, no one's perfect and everyone makes mistakes, and everyone's coming out journey is different, but the way this book approached this made me very ://
Furthermore, I think Who I Was with Her made me realize that I may have grown out of queer books that are mainly focused on queer characters' coming out arcs and homophobia, which is what this book is. While these kinds of queer books are very important (all LGBTQ+ stories should be told!!), I personally feel that, at least for the time being, I want to be reading books that embrace queer joy and normalize queerness, that naturally have a lot of characters of all identities without it being a big deal. When I was questioning and struggling with my own identity, I really needed to read books with characters that were in the same boat as me - it was validating and made me feel less alone. But now, I think I've gotten into a stage of my life that I'm mostly comfortable with my identity, and I want to read books that reflect that :)
Anyway, the point of the above spiel is that I don't think I read this book at the right time in my life, so it didn't resonate with me as much as I wish it did. For my personal enjoyment, this was a 2.5-star read, but I still think this is an important story to be told! I recommend this book if you are looking for a journey of self-discovery, coming out, and embracing one's true self in all its messy glory.
Content warnings:
Want to read
June 18, 2020i, too, have fallen for my ex’s ex 😔✌️
April 7, 2021
when a book is about someone's girlfriend dying, you except it to be moving or at least sad ... but this was just kind of underwhelming. i found the protagonist to be selfish and unlikeable too
December 29, 2022
totalnie dobijająca książka, ale i piękna jednocześnie<3
January 11, 2021
A beautiful, devastating and hopeful exploration of grief, sexuality and figuring out your place in the world. Easy to read and gorgeously written, with nuanced discussions surrounding coming out, bisexuality, asexuality, alcoholism and the pressures surrounding pursuing higher education. I'm very excited to read more from Nita Tyndall in the future.
TW: homophobia
TW: homophobia
February 2, 2021
4 stars ⭐
Corinne Parker is a closeted bisexual teen whose girlfriend Maggie is a part of her school's rival cross-country team. When Maggie tragically dies in a car accident, Corinne is forced to mourn her alone since she's still not ready to be out to the world and let her relationship be known. That is until she meets Maggie's ex-girlfriend, who completely understands her pain and who she might be starting to have feelings for.
Grief is a feeling that is different for everyone. Some cry their eyes out everyday for a month, others go into a denial phase where they simply cannot fathom the loss of their loved one. The moment Corinne finds out Maggie has died, she immediately refuses to accept it. What makes this worst is the way these news reach her as well as the fact that, at first, she has no one to comfort her. One of the aspects I really appreciated about this story is the realism of it regarding grief, especially how Corinne's particular situation is portrayed.
In addition, I really liked Corinne: she's sarcastic, relatable, but flawed too, which makes her quite a three-dimensional character. I also enjoyed reading about her relationship with Maggie and how the story is told back and forth, in other words, it starts after the latter's death, but then goes back to when they met, etc. Since I'm in the realm of romance, I found that the way Corinne confides in Elissa, Maggie's ex, is very true to real life. Maggie's older brother Dylan is actually the one who introduces them to each other. The protagonist has a rather interesting and nuanced relationship with him, whose exploration I loved.
Another great feature of this story is how sex-positive it is. There's a sex and a masturbation scenes which are both pretty rare to see in young adult novels, the former even rarer involving same-sex couples and the latter just in general.
Throughout the novel, Corinne is dealing with her alcoholic mother whose relationship is expanded upon as the story moves forward. Furthermore, she is trying to come to terms with the idea of coming out since not having done so when Maggie was alive has plagued her with guilt since her girlfriend's death.
Finally, there's asexual representation with the word used on page and a coming out scene.
The only reason I'm not giving this book 5 stars is that I expected to sob while reading it. Although I was on the verge of tears at one point, they were never shed.
In my humble opinion, Who I Was With Her is an extremely underrated book since it is beautifully-written and is one I believe many readers will resonate with. I am really looking forward to seeing what other works this author is going to publish, but until then, I urge you to pick this one up. You won't regret it!
Some things are just impossible no matter how much you try.
Corinne Parker is a closeted bisexual teen whose girlfriend Maggie is a part of her school's rival cross-country team. When Maggie tragically dies in a car accident, Corinne is forced to mourn her alone since she's still not ready to be out to the world and let her relationship be known. That is until she meets Maggie's ex-girlfriend, who completely understands her pain and who she might be starting to have feelings for.
Grief is a feeling that is different for everyone. Some cry their eyes out everyday for a month, others go into a denial phase where they simply cannot fathom the loss of their loved one. The moment Corinne finds out Maggie has died, she immediately refuses to accept it. What makes this worst is the way these news reach her as well as the fact that, at first, she has no one to comfort her. One of the aspects I really appreciated about this story is the realism of it regarding grief, especially how Corinne's particular situation is portrayed.
If you are hiding a huge secret from her, if you don't tell her everything, is she even your best friend?
In addition, I really liked Corinne: she's sarcastic, relatable, but flawed too, which makes her quite a three-dimensional character. I also enjoyed reading about her relationship with Maggie and how the story is told back and forth, in other words, it starts after the latter's death, but then goes back to when they met, etc. Since I'm in the realm of romance, I found that the way Corinne confides in Elissa, Maggie's ex, is very true to real life. Maggie's older brother Dylan is actually the one who introduces them to each other. The protagonist has a rather interesting and nuanced relationship with him, whose exploration I loved.
Another great feature of this story is how sex-positive it is. There's a sex and a masturbation scenes which are both pretty rare to see in young adult novels, the former even rarer involving same-sex couples and the latter just in general.
Throughout the novel, Corinne is dealing with her alcoholic mother whose relationship is expanded upon as the story moves forward. Furthermore, she is trying to come to terms with the idea of coming out since not having done so when Maggie was alive has plagued her with guilt since her girlfriend's death.
She's gone. Maggie is gone, and we weren't out because of me, and she isn't coming back no matter how much I want her to. [...] But I can grieve, I can mourn, and I can remember.
Finally, there's asexual representation with the word used on page and a coming out scene.
The only reason I'm not giving this book 5 stars is that I expected to sob while reading it. Although I was on the verge of tears at one point, they were never shed.
In my humble opinion, Who I Was With Her is an extremely underrated book since it is beautifully-written and is one I believe many readers will resonate with. I am really looking forward to seeing what other works this author is going to publish, but until then, I urge you to pick this one up. You won't regret it!
November 30, 2020
This is a hard one to review for me, if I’m being honest. I LOVED the representation in this and it was amazing to read about a bisexual main character!
The thing with this book, though, is that it’s on the edge of being amazing. The story was good, the characters were good, the message was good, but it’s literally a few steps away from giving satisfaction, too.
I couldn’t fully connect with the characters. At some points the emotions were written really well, but it was still on the edge of actually making me feel something.
I guess what I’m trying to say is that I would’ve loved a little more depth so it could be wow for me! Unfortunately, I just missed that. The message was a big yes though!
The thing with this book, though, is that it’s on the edge of being amazing. The story was good, the characters were good, the message was good, but it’s literally a few steps away from giving satisfaction, too.
I couldn’t fully connect with the characters. At some points the emotions were written really well, but it was still on the edge of actually making me feel something.
I guess what I’m trying to say is that I would’ve loved a little more depth so it could be wow for me! Unfortunately, I just missed that. The message was a big yes though!
September 10, 2022
4.5
corinne isn’t ready to come out as bisexual to her conservative southern town. then her girlfriend, maggie, dies, and corinne has no one to talk to about it since their relationship was a secret. well, no one except elissa, maggie’s ex girlfriend corinne didn’t know about. she tries to cope with balancing her secret grief, secret sexuality, and secret hatred for cross country (something her dad has pushed her to do) during her senior year of high school.
this book made me tear up quite a few times and even now as i’m writing this review. books about grief are so hard, especially as someone still coping with loss. but at the same time, they’re comforting, too, to see that grief shows itself in different ways and that grieving people don’t make decisions that non-grieving people would. corinne wasn’t perfect before or after her loss, but i loved seeing her grow.
i also thought the timeline was handled well. this book goes from however many days after the accident it’s been to flashbacks from before. i did get confused at first but it’s my fault for setting the audiobook speed so high; i heard “gone” as “ago” so i thought that what was the present was supposed to be in the past haha. that was easily remedied, though!
i really recommend this well-written book that excellently explores grief and coming out.
source: my local library via hoopla
corinne isn’t ready to come out as bisexual to her conservative southern town. then her girlfriend, maggie, dies, and corinne has no one to talk to about it since their relationship was a secret. well, no one except elissa, maggie’s ex girlfriend corinne didn’t know about. she tries to cope with balancing her secret grief, secret sexuality, and secret hatred for cross country (something her dad has pushed her to do) during her senior year of high school.
this book made me tear up quite a few times and even now as i’m writing this review. books about grief are so hard, especially as someone still coping with loss. but at the same time, they’re comforting, too, to see that grief shows itself in different ways and that grieving people don’t make decisions that non-grieving people would. corinne wasn’t perfect before or after her loss, but i loved seeing her grow.
i also thought the timeline was handled well. this book goes from however many days after the accident it’s been to flashbacks from before. i did get confused at first but it’s my fault for setting the audiobook speed so high; i heard “gone” as “ago” so i thought that what was the present was supposed to be in the past haha. that was easily remedied, though!
i really recommend this well-written book that excellently explores grief and coming out.
source: my local library via hoopla
August 9, 2021
I'm just gonna cry forever after this beautiful yet devastating piece of literature. Seriously, pick this up if you want to feel sad or need to cry (internally or externally should get you on both counts).
Who I Was With Her is an exploration of grief, family, love and coming out. Corinne Parker is at a loss when she finds out her girlfriend is dead. The thing is no one knows Maggie Bailey was her girlfriend even though they'd been dating for a year. Corinne has only come to figure out that she is bisexual but the thought of coming out and being subjected to the small town mindset leaves her terrified. At Maggie's funeral, her brother Dylan, introduces Corinne to Maggie's ex Elissa. After a rough first meeting, Corinne finds herself turning to Elissa to try and process her grief.
This was such a hard hitting and absolutely amazing study of grief and the complicated emotions it brings to the surface. Corinne is angry, sad, lost, terrified, guilty and so many other emotions, it felt like such a realistic portrayal of grief. I was experiencing these emotions so vividly through Corinne, which is only a testament to Tyndall's writing.
In addition to dealing with Maggie's death, Corinne is trying to survive her senior year of high school. As a cross country runner, her dad is counting on a running scholarship to get Corinne out of their small town and to a good school. But along with her grief, Corinne is trying to figure out if she wants to leave, if she wants to keep running, and what exactly she wants to do.
There's a side asexual character in this and oh my god. That coming out scene and the instant acceptance which later becomes asexual/bisexual solidarity was so damn heartwarming. I need more queer solidarity all around please. There is also a really great starter conversation about racial microaggressions and being an aware bystander and all around doing better.
Honestly, this book took me through the emotional wringer. But wow what a journey it was. Cannot recommend this enough.
Rep: Biseuxal/questioning female MC, sapphic girlfriend (who dies--not a spoiler in the synopsis), sapphic Jewish BIPOC love interest, asexual/questioning BIPOC female best friend, a couple other queer side characters and BIPOC side characters. MC's mother is alcoholic.
CWs: Alcohol consumption, alcoholism, biphobia--specifically an incident when a biphobic joke is made, child death, death, grief, misogyny, antisemitism, racism, outing--MC fears coming out and the implications of it, many internal and external conversations about it.
Who I Was With Her is an exploration of grief, family, love and coming out. Corinne Parker is at a loss when she finds out her girlfriend is dead. The thing is no one knows Maggie Bailey was her girlfriend even though they'd been dating for a year. Corinne has only come to figure out that she is bisexual but the thought of coming out and being subjected to the small town mindset leaves her terrified. At Maggie's funeral, her brother Dylan, introduces Corinne to Maggie's ex Elissa. After a rough first meeting, Corinne finds herself turning to Elissa to try and process her grief.
This was such a hard hitting and absolutely amazing study of grief and the complicated emotions it brings to the surface. Corinne is angry, sad, lost, terrified, guilty and so many other emotions, it felt like such a realistic portrayal of grief. I was experiencing these emotions so vividly through Corinne, which is only a testament to Tyndall's writing.
In addition to dealing with Maggie's death, Corinne is trying to survive her senior year of high school. As a cross country runner, her dad is counting on a running scholarship to get Corinne out of their small town and to a good school. But along with her grief, Corinne is trying to figure out if she wants to leave, if she wants to keep running, and what exactly she wants to do.
There's a side asexual character in this and oh my god. That coming out scene and the instant acceptance which later becomes asexual/bisexual solidarity was so damn heartwarming. I need more queer solidarity all around please. There is also a really great starter conversation about racial microaggressions and being an aware bystander and all around doing better.
Honestly, this book took me through the emotional wringer. But wow what a journey it was. Cannot recommend this enough.
Rep: Biseuxal/questioning female MC, sapphic girlfriend (who dies--not a spoiler in the synopsis), sapphic Jewish BIPOC love interest, asexual/questioning BIPOC female best friend, a couple other queer side characters and BIPOC side characters. MC's mother is alcoholic.
CWs: Alcohol consumption, alcoholism, biphobia--specifically an incident when a biphobic joke is made, child death, death, grief, misogyny, antisemitism, racism, outing--MC fears coming out and the implications of it, many internal and external conversations about it.
September 7, 2021
This book hit me so much harder than I was expecting it to and by the end of it I was quietly sobbing alone in my room at 1am as I turned the final page! This definitely had similar vibes, to me, of other hard-hitting sapphic ya, such as We Are Okay by Nina LaCour and I really enjoyed it. I did feel that some of the plot lines got a bit tangled up and perhaps too much was trying to be tackled all at once, but overall this was a really great read and I can't wait to see what Nita Tyndall has in store next for us!
Want more sapphic books? You can find me here: Book Blog | Twitter | Instagram
Want more sapphic books? You can find me here: Book Blog | Twitter | Instagram
January 10, 2021
Thank you to NetGalley and HarperCollins Publishers for the ARC of this book.
I was prepared for this book to destroy me when I started it, and it certainly lived up to my expectations. This book was bleak from the very first page; there's no lead-in and no beating around the bush. Corinne is messy and real and isn't always easy to like, but you can't help but feel every aspect of her grief right along with her. Tyndall's writing is succinct and evocative, which made this book easy to binge-read despite the difficult subject matter. I just...wow. This book is well-done in so many ways, and I'll be thinking about it for a long time.
I was prepared for this book to destroy me when I started it, and it certainly lived up to my expectations. This book was bleak from the very first page; there's no lead-in and no beating around the bush. Corinne is messy and real and isn't always easy to like, but you can't help but feel every aspect of her grief right along with her. Tyndall's writing is succinct and evocative, which made this book easy to binge-read despite the difficult subject matter. I just...wow. This book is well-done in so many ways, and I'll be thinking about it for a long time.
Want to read
April 15, 20204/15/20:
First off -
For the love of all things good and holy, why does this sound so much like a book idea I've been nursing and working on? Why does this always happen?
I have to say I don't like the added element of the MC falling for her dead girlfriend's ex, that just sounds like a major crapstorm. And really, when someone they both loved just died would they really be in a good place to genuinely fall in love? Really? *coughClockworkPrincesscough*
I'm interested, but this looks like it's going to suffer from the YA affiliation called "romance even when it doesn't make sense" (looking at you An Ember in the Ashes).
First off -
For the love of all things good and holy, why does this sound so much like a book idea I've been nursing and working on? Why does this always happen?
I have to say I don't like the added element of the MC falling for her dead girlfriend's ex, that just sounds like a major crapstorm. And really, when someone they both loved just died would they really be in a good place to genuinely fall in love? Really? *coughClockworkPrincesscough*
I'm interested, but this looks like it's going to suffer from the YA affiliation called "romance even when it doesn't make sense" (looking at you An Ember in the Ashes).
June 17, 2020
Occasionally a book sinks it's teeth in you and doesn't let you go until you finish it - this one chewed me up and spit me out. WHO I WAS WITH HER follows Corinne, who has to deal with the aftermath of her girlfriend's death. But, nobody know's she's bi, or that she had a girlfriend.
This is a BEAUTIFUL and intimate portrayal of grief and the messiness that can accompany grief. The writing is fluid and emotional and I loved every moment.
Also we get bi rep and ace rep in this one and my heart is SINGING.
This is a BEAUTIFUL and intimate portrayal of grief and the messiness that can accompany grief. The writing is fluid and emotional and I loved every moment.
Also we get bi rep and ace rep in this one and my heart is SINGING.
December 20, 2020
I read an early early draft as a beta reader. Nita’s writing is so strong and vivid, Corinne’s voice so alive despite her sadness, and this book is absolutely perfect for fans of Nina LaCour.
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