Well well well GUESS WHO’S READING A BOOK BECAUSE OF A MAN AGAIN. My current crush was like “omg you like to read? I’m reading this rn” and pulled out this book so you know I read the entire thing the second I got home.
Quick summary is that man (Michelin starred chef) and woman (donut shop owner) hated each other in high school. They were in the same friend group so they had to hang together. Many years later the other 2 kids in the friend group are getting married and they have to see each other again for a week. Enemies to lovers as you would expect from the title.
If you want an actual review of the book you can leave now because I only analyze the parts that are relevant to me as a self reflection exercise, because I ain’t paying for therapy and last time I dyed my hair was a disaster. If you’re a young Asian girl, PLEASE WAIT UNTIL YOU’RE RICH TO DYE YOUR HAIR BLONDE. YOUR HAIR CAN TAKE ANYTHING BUT THAT.
First things first I’ve “dated” two people, dated in the loosest term of the word, and they were alarmingly named the same thing as the woman’s relationships. In the same order. My bad for dating the most blandly named people, but I can’t even be talking with a name like Sophia. I love my name though for real.
Second shall we analyze this book in connection with my current crush? We shall!!!!!!
I honestly don’t care anymore I’m spilling everything, not like someone is going to stalk me through Goodreads. So me and this young man J are working at the same summer internship. However we go to colleges far away from each other. J and I have quickly become friends, and there are sparks. However, I sometimes get annoyed with him (MIND YOU, this whole explanation/thought process had been put into motion beforeeee I read the book). It’s an aerospace internship, and whaddya know it’s nothing but guys. I love the guys and they’re generally an inclusive bunch, but to be a woman in that space is still a bit of a struggle. If you’re a straight man: imagine that you walk into a Lululemon or Alo to buy yourself some shorts. It’s normal, society accepts it, you look hot with your new shorts, but it’s still uncomfortable because you’re not the primary target audience. That’s how I feel sometimes. So I do work really hard to feel like the lab is my space too, not just in terms of if I can handle the work but also if I can fit in socially.
So the thing with J is that we’ll both be assigned a task to share, and he’ll go for it first and I have to ask him for a turn, and then he’ll take it back from me really fast. Or if I block him and do it first, he’ll be like “let me try something” and do it instead. Rationally, I know it’s not that deep and these small little tasks aren’t that important for the internship, but I still want to be involved in the work fairly. And I’m crazy competitive and I feel like I work so hard to be accepted and here in this space. So I am justifiably annoyed.
But here’s where it gets strange. Whenever we “fight” over stuff like this I’m mad but also it’s a little bit hot, and I still am attracted to him even after he does that stuff. Which is so weird because if any other guy did that to me I’d be infuriated. Another lab guy did that to me and I have a seething hatred towards him because of it (also because he tried teaching me how to pronounce my OWN FLIPPING LAST NAME but that’s a story for another time (mansplainer final boss)). So anyway back to J. Maybe I think it’s hot because when we do this stuff we’re standing really close together and he’ll be hovering over my shoulder and I do it back because if he’s gonna try and steal all the work, I’ll do it right back. But really it mostly annoys me and I want him to stop and be considerate of the fact that I want to do half the work.
And also I wanna portray him fairly, I think he is pretty considerate most of the time. I’m usually the last person to leave (bc of traffic patterns) and ever since he realized that a week ago he’s been staying back with me and we just hang out for an hour or two at the end of the day. The first time he realized that was last Tuesday, everyone else had left and I was taking a networking call. He came back because he forgot his charger, realized I was there, spent an hour and a half waiting for me to get off the call, helped me finish up my last task which took 15 min, and then walked me to my car since it was dark by then. And then he waited in the parking lot until I had driven away.
Back to the power play part. So it took me a little while to realize but the obvious explanation is that he’s messing with me because he likes to get me riled up and he likes the physical contact. Which could be hot if we were on equal footing, but the fact is that even though I’ve been working here longer, because I’m a woman and the youngest make it so that I have to prove myself more than the others do. He’s in messing around mode but it puts me into survival mode.
Which finally brings me back to this book. The man and woman have the same career but the man is literally a Michelin chef while she owns a small business. The random situations they’re in over the course of the book make it so that the man is in the position of power (ex. she’s locked in a dressing room without her clothes and he’s outside, he keeps entering her house early in the morning when she’s sleeping without her permission). Did I mention there’s no smut in the book?
Anyways I cannot be the only straight woman to feel this way. It seems like in every enemies to lovers trope, the man has more power and a good part of the “hating each other” dynamic comes from these situations where the woman doesn’t have power. And as the woman, it feels so bad at least for me.
So yeah I’m confused as to why I like him, what that says about me that I still like him even with the power dynamics, and if it’s healthy for me to like him. And in a more general note why all the enemies to lovers portray the same dynamic which feels sucky from the woman’s POV.
And I would ask for advice but honestly asking for advice is overrated. If you seriously think hard enough, you can figure out what other people were going to say. If I asked y’all for advice you would say “have a conversation with him about how you don’t like when he does that.” Touché.
I haven’t addressed the elephant in the room which is the fact that he felt comfortable pulling a romance novel out of his backpack. Yes, he’s straight, he’s just really secure in his masculinity I think. Bit of a player move ngl. May be a bit performative. It’s fine, there is a cost to pay for his chalance. Translation for the non GenZ: girl thinks boy was reading romance because he talks to women, likes showing off, is talkative and adventurous.