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The Asshole Pandemic: A Field Guide to ID’ing, Deleting, and Healing from Toxic Relationships
Finding a healthy relationship can feel as discouraging as trying to find Big Foot in the woods. Especially if you grew up in a toxic household, it can be really difficult to be able to identify red flags and what toxic looks like since that is what you were taught was "normal." This book is unlike most relationship books you will come across. It's a mixture of a book and workbook that is funny, raw, real, and doesn't drag things out. It tells you what you need to hear to move forward towards a healthier life and relationships and tackles different types of toxic people you want to look out for. It helps you to better understand things that may have confused you in the past and helps you to work towards finding the relationship you deserve.The Asshole Pandemic guides you through the process of figuring out what your needs are, how to set better boundaries, communication, and working through identifying red flags, so that you are better able to navigate through the dating world.This is your moment to change your path. It's your time to no longer tolerate toxic people and take back the power they have stolen from you.
- GenresSelf HelpNonfiction
336 pages, Kindle Edition
Published September 1, 2020
170 people are currently reading
263 people want to read
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Displaying 1 - 16 of 16 reviews
March 8, 2023
Anger is part of the healing process.
When the person you love the most cheats on you, you instantly know. It’s like all of the sudden something clicks and you get this feeling, that something is off, and you have to trust your intuition. I remember exactly where I was at, I knew exactly what they were doing. It hits you so hard, The anxiety of confronting them makes you sick. You don’t want it to be true. How could the one person that you are suppose to trust, that is your life, your everything, your future, betray you?
When someone cheats on you not once but twice and tells you they didn’t want to tell you about the first time because it was a mistake, and they didn’t want to ruin their friendship and their relationship. (Clearly they cared more about the former) Yet they continue to see that person as just a “friend”, continues to hang out with them, plans a getaway with them and end up sleeping together, and saying they didn’t plan on sleeping together, but what did they think was really going to happen with just the two of them when they had a cheating history? That’s not a mistake. Cheating is a choice.
So you finally confront them because it’s eating you alive and they deny deny deny even though you have receipts. So they change their story just a little bit, but had every opportunity to confess and still didn’t. They tell you that they didn’t tell you their plans about booking the Airbnb because they know you wouldn’t have been happy about it. And that they would be chill if you had wanted to go and spend a few nights with another guy. They’d be happy for me to be making new friends.
So you take matters into your own hands.
The truth comes out. They tell you they are hurting just as much as you are, they feel awful about how it ended. And then they go and spend time with that same person a few days after the breakup. That is NOT remorse. That is NOT feelings of guilt. The only guilt they are feeling, is the guilt of getting caught. Admitting they were gonna try and take it to their grave because they didn’t wanna hurt you even more. They knew it would hurt you while cheating on you, yet they still choose to betray you. That is not the same hurt as my heart is feeling. Mine was trampled.
This book pointed out all the Red flags I saw in my relationship and chose to ignore. Just like he CHOSE to cheat.
Here are some red flags
You aren’t their number one priority
They put friends and family before you
They don’t have your back when dealing with family conflict
They invalidate your feelings ALL THE TIME
They won’t talk to you for days after a simple disagreement
When the person you love the most cheats on you, you instantly know. It’s like all of the sudden something clicks and you get this feeling, that something is off, and you have to trust your intuition. I remember exactly where I was at, I knew exactly what they were doing. It hits you so hard, The anxiety of confronting them makes you sick. You don’t want it to be true. How could the one person that you are suppose to trust, that is your life, your everything, your future, betray you?
When someone cheats on you not once but twice and tells you they didn’t want to tell you about the first time because it was a mistake, and they didn’t want to ruin their friendship and their relationship. (Clearly they cared more about the former) Yet they continue to see that person as just a “friend”, continues to hang out with them, plans a getaway with them and end up sleeping together, and saying they didn’t plan on sleeping together, but what did they think was really going to happen with just the two of them when they had a cheating history? That’s not a mistake. Cheating is a choice.
So you finally confront them because it’s eating you alive and they deny deny deny even though you have receipts. So they change their story just a little bit, but had every opportunity to confess and still didn’t. They tell you that they didn’t tell you their plans about booking the Airbnb because they know you wouldn’t have been happy about it. And that they would be chill if you had wanted to go and spend a few nights with another guy. They’d be happy for me to be making new friends.
So you take matters into your own hands.
The truth comes out. They tell you they are hurting just as much as you are, they feel awful about how it ended. And then they go and spend time with that same person a few days after the breakup. That is NOT remorse. That is NOT feelings of guilt. The only guilt they are feeling, is the guilt of getting caught. Admitting they were gonna try and take it to their grave because they didn’t wanna hurt you even more. They knew it would hurt you while cheating on you, yet they still choose to betray you. That is not the same hurt as my heart is feeling. Mine was trampled.
This book pointed out all the Red flags I saw in my relationship and chose to ignore. Just like he CHOSE to cheat.
Here are some red flags
You aren’t their number one priority
They put friends and family before you
They don’t have your back when dealing with family conflict
They invalidate your feelings ALL THE TIME
They won’t talk to you for days after a simple disagreement
September 20, 2020
You cannot change someone. You cannot save someone. But you can choose to love yourself enough to make the right choices for yourself and choose who you will keep in your life and how long they will stay
I really liked this book and found the questions proposed very interesting.
I really liked this book and found the questions proposed very interesting.
March 5, 2021
"Every abuser has a different story, and no matter what their reason is, it is no excuse for the behavior."
This book is exactly what is described in the title. It is a nonfiction book about the 6 biggest types of toxic people, plus a crash course in red flags and setting healthy boundaries. This book was really informative and it helped me to realize that there were red flags I didn't see previously, because I didn't know what to look for. I think this is a good and through intro to the subject matter and points you in the right direction. I have not read anything in the subject matter before, but I enjoyed it and found it relevant, current and extremely informative.
This book is exactly what is described in the title. It is a nonfiction book about the 6 biggest types of toxic people, plus a crash course in red flags and setting healthy boundaries. This book was really informative and it helped me to realize that there were red flags I didn't see previously, because I didn't know what to look for. I think this is a good and through intro to the subject matter and points you in the right direction. I have not read anything in the subject matter before, but I enjoyed it and found it relevant, current and extremely informative.
November 9, 2025
I could never quite put into words what I was going through, but in one of the chapters the author had it spot on. Thank you!
Read
May 12, 2023Tried to read after seeing tik tok content. Should have stuck with tik tok. Best ingested 90 seconds at a time.
September 23, 2020
Perfect timing on ready it for me.
I've been going through a lot in my life and this book shares quite a few aspects on what I've already been focused towards. Would recommend to others 10/10
I've been going through a lot in my life and this book shares quite a few aspects on what I've already been focused towards. Would recommend to others 10/10
February 3, 2023
The Asshole Pandemic by A.C. Koch is a self help guide to ID’ing, Deleting, and Healing from Toxic Relationships. Thanks to the workbook portion of this book, this book finished out at 2.5/5⭐️ overall.
At some points, I felt called out. Others, it was like I was reading bios of people I had dated…and married (then divorced). I’ve had this one in my TBR as long as I’ve had KU. Therefore, it was slightly disappointing that some of this felt redundant to other similar books I had read. It was even more frustrating because the author’s social media videos always feel as if they have more depth, more insight, & more emotion behind them. I get more out of those if you compare the two.
•
Finding a healthy relationship can feel as discouraging as trying to find Big Foot in the woods. Especially if you grew up in a toxic household, it can be really difficult to be able to identify red flags and what toxic looks like since that is what you were taught was "normal."
The Asshole Pandemic guides you through the process of figuring out what your needs are, how to set better boundaries, communication, and working through identifying red flags, so that you are better able to navigate through the dating world.
This is your moment to change your path. It's your time to no longer tolerate toxic people and take back the power they have stolen from you.
At some points, I felt called out. Others, it was like I was reading bios of people I had dated…and married (then divorced). I’ve had this one in my TBR as long as I’ve had KU. Therefore, it was slightly disappointing that some of this felt redundant to other similar books I had read. It was even more frustrating because the author’s social media videos always feel as if they have more depth, more insight, & more emotion behind them. I get more out of those if you compare the two.
•
Finding a healthy relationship can feel as discouraging as trying to find Big Foot in the woods. Especially if you grew up in a toxic household, it can be really difficult to be able to identify red flags and what toxic looks like since that is what you were taught was "normal."
The Asshole Pandemic guides you through the process of figuring out what your needs are, how to set better boundaries, communication, and working through identifying red flags, so that you are better able to navigate through the dating world.
This is your moment to change your path. It's your time to no longer tolerate toxic people and take back the power they have stolen from you.
October 4, 2023
In today's society, you are expected to be perfect, to have it all figured out, and to be everything others expect you to be.
As a guy I first struggled to face the wounds my past relationships have caused me, with an attitude beaten into me "suck it up, it isn't that bad" It's not an easy thing to do.
Change was needed, I kept being taken advantage of, used, and abused by a variety of people who claimed to have loved me the most.
The result was that I became extremely critical of myself, to an extent that I have had emotionally abusive behavior toward myself.
Even tho I was afraid to dive deeper into my healing, I did it and put my all into utilizing this book.
With laughter, charme and empathy the fear eventually lowered and I was able to let myself fall into The Asshole Pandemic.
My Copy is so shredded today because I took it with me, anywhere I went until I was through with it.
Re-reading my answers from a while ago was an interesting experience.
I recommend this book to any guy who is slightly finding themselves in this review.
Vulnerability is strong, empathy is a gift and a clear picture of who you actually are, what you want in life and especially in love is a true blessing.
Thank you Angelika for getting right to the point in your book and providing essential tools to help people finding their most true and authentic self.
As a guy I first struggled to face the wounds my past relationships have caused me, with an attitude beaten into me "suck it up, it isn't that bad" It's not an easy thing to do.
Change was needed, I kept being taken advantage of, used, and abused by a variety of people who claimed to have loved me the most.
The result was that I became extremely critical of myself, to an extent that I have had emotionally abusive behavior toward myself.
Even tho I was afraid to dive deeper into my healing, I did it and put my all into utilizing this book.
With laughter, charme and empathy the fear eventually lowered and I was able to let myself fall into The Asshole Pandemic.
My Copy is so shredded today because I took it with me, anywhere I went until I was through with it.
Re-reading my answers from a while ago was an interesting experience.
I recommend this book to any guy who is slightly finding themselves in this review.
Vulnerability is strong, empathy is a gift and a clear picture of who you actually are, what you want in life and especially in love is a true blessing.
Thank you Angelika for getting right to the point in your book and providing essential tools to help people finding their most true and authentic self.
October 4, 2023
I didn't know what I wanted for nearly all my life, if Sir Arthur Conan Doyle and Shakespeare had got together to collaborate, my life would have been the result.
I decided no more and included this workbook in my healing journey.
The mirror this Book held into my face was a rough one to look at, but it was so worth it to face the demons of my past that have caused me so much pain.
I love the empathic nature of this book, with a great sense of humor one is guided through the process of uncovering what barely anyone pays attention to.
Today's dating scene is like a Colosseum in the Holy Roman Empire, with the only difference being that we have dating apps these days.
I have worked through this book twice now with a couple of months in between, the growth I was able to experience is beyond anything my younger self would have ever thought to achieve.
I am beyond grateful for this book and will read any new piece that is hopefully to come soon in the future. Thank you.
I decided no more and included this workbook in my healing journey.
The mirror this Book held into my face was a rough one to look at, but it was so worth it to face the demons of my past that have caused me so much pain.
I love the empathic nature of this book, with a great sense of humor one is guided through the process of uncovering what barely anyone pays attention to.
Today's dating scene is like a Colosseum in the Holy Roman Empire, with the only difference being that we have dating apps these days.
I have worked through this book twice now with a couple of months in between, the growth I was able to experience is beyond anything my younger self would have ever thought to achieve.
I am beyond grateful for this book and will read any new piece that is hopefully to come soon in the future. Thank you.
December 15, 2025
I absolutely appreciated the author for their candid, spot on descriptions of types of abusers. Her energy throughout my reading this book held my attention and I could feel her desire to genuinely help people heal their traumas. As well as teaching one how to recapture their self-love and self-respect, it is given in a gender neutral way. She also encourage abusers who may want to change. Awesome self-help book!
October 4, 2023
This workbook provided me with all the necessary tools to work on my own toxic traits and to figure out what I want.
As a survivor of toxic and abusive relationships, I am grateful for the knowledge provided in this book.
A must-have for anyone who is sick and tired of repeating the same cycle all over again.
As a survivor of toxic and abusive relationships, I am grateful for the knowledge provided in this book.
A must-have for anyone who is sick and tired of repeating the same cycle all over again.
October 4, 2023
Fantastic Self-help book!
I wish I could go back and read it again, just to be able to experience it for the first time once more.
But considering it, the worksheets have opened my eyes to what I want in life and love, I wouldn't want to miss that.
Looking forward to future books from this author!
I wish I could go back and read it again, just to be able to experience it for the first time once more.
But considering it, the worksheets have opened my eyes to what I want in life and love, I wouldn't want to miss that.
Looking forward to future books from this author!
November 28, 2020
Hard truths!
This book will make you see the hard truths that you don't want to see. The ones you hide under your bed because you fear them. I'm very glad that I read this book, because now I can work on me to be a better me.
This book will make you see the hard truths that you don't want to see. The ones you hide under your bed because you fear them. I'm very glad that I read this book, because now I can work on me to be a better me.
October 8, 2023
The best self help guide ever 💙
October 25, 2025
Really helpful book to start healing from toxic relationships.
July 12, 2023
Followed in TikTok
Followed you in TikTok because I loved your content there. It definitely carries over into your writing. Loved the book!
Followed you in TikTok because I loved your content there. It definitely carries over into your writing. Loved the book!
Displaying 1 - 16 of 16 reviews