Fattily Ever After: A Black Fat Girl's Guide to Living Life Unapologetically

by Stephanie Yeboah

"The truth is, body positivity is for white women. White female bodies being safe is paramount to maintaining white supremacy."
– Stephanie Yeboah, 2017
Twenty-nine year-old plus-size blogger Stephanie Yeboah has experienced racism and fat-phobia throughout her life. From being bullied at school to being objectified and humiliated in her dating life, Stephanie's response to discrimination has always been to change the narrative around body-image and what we see as beautiful. In her debut book, Fattily Ever After, Stephanie Yeboah speaks openly and courageously about her own experience on navigating life as a black, plus-sized woman – telling it how it really is – and how she has managed to find self-acceptance in a world where judgement and discrimination are rife.

Featuring stories of every day misogynoir and being fetishized, to navigating the cesspit of online dating and experiencing loneliness, Stephanie shares her thoughts on the treatment of black women throughout history, the marginalisation of black, plus-sized women in the media (even within the body-positivity movement) whilst drawing on wisdom from other black fat liberation champions along the way. Peppered with insightful tips and honest advice and boldly illustrated throughout, this inspiring and powerful book is essential reading for a generation of black, plus-sized women, helping them to live their life openly, unapologetically and with confidence.

Genres: Nonfiction, Feminism, Memoir, Audiobook, Race, Self Help, Mental Health

238 pages, Hardcover

First published September 3, 2020

Reviews

[Rachel Duncan]

I think this is a good book for if you are new to the discussion around fat acceptance and the body positive community. But for me I felt like I already knew and had been involved with a lot of this so the more factual elements of the book didn’t hit me in any sort of way. I did love hearing stories from the author’s personal life because I follow them on twitter and genuinely enjoy their content!

[Grace · Rating 3 out of 5]

I honestly expected to love this one a lot more than I did. I really appreciated the intersectional bits, but this felt both surface-level and quite depressing. The author talks a lot, in fact almost exclusively, about the very horrible and harmful experiences she's had due to anti-fat bias (in conjunction with misogynoir) and the way it's written it's just really fucking depressing, and I honestly didn't at all get the impression that she's actually moved past it or has really internalized the messages of self-worth that this book is supposedly about. I also think my expectations were maybe a little too high--this was written by a blogger, and it came across that way--it's just not what I'm looking for at this point with my non-fiction, and it felt lack there was a lack of real substance here. The reason I grabbed this one was due to the specifically intersectional approach of a fat, dark-skinned Black women, and I do think there *were* some good insights into the way in which those things intersect and what that can look like, but at the end of the day, I left this one feeling depressed--to be perfectly honest, something about the way this was written made me (as somebody along the fat spectrum) feel *worse* about myself and living life in our society as a fat person, and I'm (currently) a small fat/borderline straight size. I also thought the editing could have used some work--several typos and weird formatting issues.

[chantel nouseforaname · Rating 3 out of 5]

This was fire. Updated: March 19, 2021

I really enjoyed this read. I felt seen and it felt like dually a love letter and slight commiseration with our girl Stephanie Yeboah. She really went into her personal experience which I appreciate. We need more FBFs, Fat Black Femmes, to tell their story and share in the ways that we have centred happiness and personal joy in our lives after being categorically discriminated against on all three levels. There were a few moments in this book, where I wanted less misery, my heart broke beyond words at points, but that's a testament to experience and we must always write from our experience.

There is beauty and community in this book. Ms. Yeboah and I love a lot of the same people who shaped our public ideologies of fat black femmes. Our mutual fave discussed is marfmellow. I add Stephanie Yeboah's work right beside work from Virgie Tovar and other fat activists, I really enjoyed it.

[Kelley · Rating 5 out of 5]

So I took my sweet time reading this book and honestly... I can say it’s one of my favourite things I’ve read this year.

It’s beautiful and moving and funny and insightful and I got all up in my feelings as soon as I opened it. Stephanie is so funny and relatable that I just wished I was her friend!

She’s amazing and discusses a variety of topics in this book so eloquently. I found myself agreeing with so much of what she was saying, but she also talked about things that I hadn’t thought/heard of before.

I would wholly recommend this to everybody and anybody because it’s brilliant- I have no criticisms!

[leni · Rating 4 out of 5]

I feel both seen and educated. You did it, Steph. Thank you.

[LibraryKath · Rating 4 out of 5]

Another very good fat acceptance 101 book, with the long overdue added layer of being one written by a fat, black woman. A good primer to understand what women in fat bodies, and in particular fat women of colour, live with on a day to day basis, and how to find a way out hating and hiding yourself, while demanding basic dignity and respect.

Backed up with plenty of good resources to take your reading further, this is an easy read that flows well while also being a rather aesthetically pleasing book.

Glad Stephanie got the opportunity to expand the work she has done online for sometime into the print world.

[readingwithlibby · Rating 4 out of 5]

I really enjoyed this book!! As a fat, mixed woman I found that I could relate a lot to what was said. I do however acknowledge that I’m white passing and so there were also aspects that I couldn’t relate to, but they were teaching moments, educating me on what it’s like to exist and grow up in a western society as a black, fat woman. The book is absolutely beautifully presented and I would recommend it to anyone and everyone!!

[Andrea · Rating 3 out of 5]

This was so hard to read. How long do women have to be treated and made to feel like this and in 2020 surely? This made me want to stay in and cry, which I did because I'm sick and so everyone gets to leave me alone. I wonder what it says about this society when many women and girls can relate to almost everything in this book?

[Dolly · Rating 4 out of 5]

Great read and another excellent addition to the growing body of work on fat acceptance and body liberation!

As a white woman, my key takeaways were how sizeism and fat hate affect women of color -- so I would recommend this book to other white women who are looking to continue their education on their privilege and improving their anti-racist outlook. For example:

Stephanie shines a light on the real prevalence of eating disorders among women of color. Our poster child for eating disorders is a thin, frail white girl a la Alice in Wonderland - but the reality is many girls of color struggle with eating disorders too. One of the things Stephanie mentions is how there is unfortunately mental health stigma present in many African American and Afro-Caribbean communities, which may make it difficult for women and girls of color + size to feel like they have a safe space to talk about their issues. This was true for Stephanie, who was raised by Ghanaian parents.

In addition to that, of course, is medical establishment bias. Doctors don't even ask young women of color about their eating disorder symptoms, which goes along seamlessly with doctors ignoring the pain and experiences of people in color in general. Due to what I assume is a blind spot of white privilege, I was surprised to learn that black teenagers are 50% more likely than white teenagers to exhibit bulimic behaviors. Chapter 7 has some devastating stories from a variety of women of color, which really I could not do justice by recapping here. Read them for yourself. They are awful. As someone who regularly experience fatphobic bias from American doctors, I believe them all.

Unfortunately, white women like myself sometimes have this mythological understanding of WOC being so confident and secure in their bodies. We act like they have it easier because their "culture" accepts them, black men love curves, etc. But this is all myth and it's rooted in racist ideology. Indeed, in another chapter on dating Stephanie talks about how black men in her experience are only interested in fat white women (perhaps because of the social leverage that comes with being with a white person). While she had one partner leave her for another black woman of size, it was because that woman's "curves" were in the right places. She helps explain, through anecdote and a basic intersectional lens, how fat black women are on the bottom of the mainstream social desirability pyramid. That affects their experience in every aspect of life, including work, school, and dating. (As a fat woman myself, I can say I was NOT surprised by the types of comments she got on dating apps. Those were par for the course in my experience too).

That is not to say there are no WOC who are genuinely confident in their bodies. In chapter 6, Stephanie interviews Natasha Devon MBE on mental health and weight. Devon shares her experience growing up with 2 tall, fat, black Aunties who "carry themselves like Queens" but later realizes "their attitude must have been the result of a lot of previous struggle for acceptance." My takeaway here was that even when we do see WOC with that "confidence" we must be mindful about where it comes from. We shouldn't exploit black women's pain by celebrating their triumph over marginalization; they're not here for our inspiration. As Stephanie says, "Lifelong battles with multiple sets of beauty standards leave many black womxn with no choice but to engage in disordered eating in an effort to almost... 'correct' our 'fundamentally flawed' bodies." We should be analyzing why the world is so shit to black women and then figuring out how we can change that. We should stop glamorizing the myth of the strong black woman.

So overall, I really enjoyed the book and devoured it in just a couple days. That said, I did have 2 criticisms that I would like to mention:

1. Stephanie uses the word "overweight" a few times in the book to describe both herself and others. She does acknowledge the problematic medicalization of the terms obese/obesity, so I'm not sure why "overweight" still gets incorporated into her lexicon. It made me a little uneasy when I first encountered it. I don't think it spoils her overall message and it is used only a few times, but fair warning to anyone else who is triggered by it.

2. Stephanie uses the term "womxn" but never really explains what she means by it. I think - and this is me stretching back to my undergrad days - the spelling choice is meant to be inclusive. I think I've seen "womyn" before too, as a way to disassociate from the idea (linguistic or otherwise) that women are just slightly modified men. I also see folx used in trans and non-binary communities as a way to promote inclusivity of all, well... "folx" on the gender spectrum. I can't say I fully understand what her intention was behind it, so I do wish there had been a short explanation at the beginning.

Finally, I would like to add that the book's design is super fun and colorful. All the graphics and illustrations in it give it a special flair. I got a hardcover copy that had one of those built-in bookmarks, which I love. Also, the cover has slightly raised lettering and decals, so you can run your fingers across it. It's just the kind of book that feels good in your hands and a treat for the eyes. I can see a lot of younger women and girls picking it up and feeling drawn in; it's a beautiful thought. :)

[Natalie · Rating 2 out of 5]

i definitely understand why this book has its place in society and it touched on very important topics. however, it didn’t quite give me what i wanted and i wasn’t fond of the writing style either. i would still recommend for those who want entry level knowledge about the intersection of sizism and racism.

[Lauren Ridley-Mellor · Rating 3 out of 5]

There were parts of this book that had me shouting hell yes out loud and then there were parts that left me wanting. It’s definitely a book that is needed to help educate but if you’ve read some stuff on the subject already, I didn’t feel it offered up anything new.

Firstly I think the points Stephanie makes are all totally valid and it’s important to note she talks from her own experience. I enjoyed the use of her audience sharing their stories, which just emphasised the judgement that exists against fat people. So while I couldn’t argue with anything said in the book, I felt like some of the ideas weren’t fully fleshed out. Many of the chapters just felt repetitive to what had come before, with the same examples used from history. It just felt a bit like she had been given a set word count and had fluffed up some chapters to achieve this.

However I think if you’re totally new to the subject, it makes a great entry into understanding the issues around fat shaming, especially for black womxn. Overall I did enjoy the book but it didn’t blow me out the water. Did absolutely love the design though - it’s a gorgeous book.

[Hollie · Rating 3 out of 5]

Maybe more of a 2.5⭐️

I was really interested in this and looking forward to listening to the author via the audiobook especially.

I did appreciate the intersectional lens but, like other reviewers have said, it just felt a bit depressing with very little of the “living unapologetically” inspiration I was excited for.

Will definitely follow on Insta but not sure I’d read/listen to more of their books…

[Madeline Wilson-Ojo · Rating 5 out of 5]

Imagine growing up in a world that inherently views you as ugly? Or trying to find your place in an industry which consistently rejects you based on the way you look? I mean, whether, you’re black, white, slim, thick, blonde, or brunette, I am sure we’ve all had days when we feel insulted by the mirror. But for some, this is a crippling daily reality – and for Stephanie Yeboah, who is a fat black woman, this reality formed an important part of her life story, so much so, she has written a book about it.

I cannot remember when or how I came to know Stephanie (not personally, but you know, through the interwebs), but I have followed her journey over the years and watched as she publicly dropped her alias, Nerd About Town in favour of her real name. In that time, she has juggled quite a few roles: YouTuber, blogger, nine-to-fiver, freelance writer, and now author (please, I am not a stalker, I just know these things). In that time, two things she has consistently been passionate about are fashion and fat acceptance. And oh, sis has levelled up!

I must admit, I probably could have identified with her a bit more as a fellow fat black woman, who is also Ghanaian British, in the same age group, and from Saaf London. But I initially found myself getting impatient with Stephanie’s constant lamenting over being trolled and feeling undesirable because of her appearance. “She’s making us all look pathetic”, I used to think to myself. That was until the day I read, in a series of tweets, about how a seemingly lovely date turned out to be a nasty “pull a pig” trick of which she was the victim. Men can be cruel at times!

Honestly, this unfortunate incident stilled me. I slowed down and tried to understand Stephanie’s predicament a little more. Suddenly, I found myself in admiration of her. She had bravely shared what was a very humiliating occurrence with millions of readers and had in the process started many conversations about the insidious way in which the fat, black woman is viewed and treated; about the pressure men are put under to perform laddish behaviour in front of their peers; about the highs and lows of dating, and so on and so forth. These different discussions that were happening in tandem made me look back at my own life experiences, and admit to myself the discrimination that I had silently accepted and had put down to “a fact of life”.

So when Stephanie announced she was writing a book about being a fat black woman in the UK, I was excited. I had read books about navigating life as a woman, and books about life as a black person in the UK, but never about being fat in a world where slimness is celebrated, and certainly never where all three intersect. I knew I needed to read Fattily Ever After.

Is it an autobiography, a motivational read for fat black women, or an educational resource for those who live outside of blackness and fatness? I would say it’s a cool mix of all three. Stephanie subtitles it “A Black Fat Girl’s Guide to Living Unapologetically”. She begins by detailing the harrowing experiences of primary and secondary school bullying, trying to reconcile her love for fashion with the contempt she had for her body, the lack of media representation, and the abject sadness she felt, all of which went unnoticed by her family.

She then goes on to deconstruct the desexualisation and hypersexualisation of fat, black bodies. I learned why representation matters as I read about Hattie MacDaniel, the first black person to win an Oscar, who was also a fat black woman. I discovered how her role of “Mammy the maid”, which she won the accolade for, sustained the “mammy figure” racial trope you find in many contemporary Hollywood films, and how this has been compounded by black male actors such as Tyler Perry, Eddie Murphy and Martin Lawrence, who all at some point have donned grotesque fat suits, wigs and makeup to portray and attract more ridicule to fat black women. (Don’t get me wrong, at the time I laughed along with everyone too). In all this, Stephanie argues the need for diverse black storytelling.

As Fattily Ever After develops, what becomes clear is the in-depth research that has gone into this body of work. Stephanie thoughtfully shares the history of the body positivity movement, gives an analysis of statistics pertaining to back women and eating disorders, and explains why scientifically, the BMI chart is so flawed. She also generously tells so much more about her personal battle with disordered eating, her struggles with corsets and waist training, and coming to terms with the fact that she didn’t have the “typically African” shape. (You know, the full chest, tiny waist and backside for days!)

Having almost reached the end of Fattily Ever After, I must say I have thoroughly enjoyed this book. So far, I connected most with her stories of how her Ghanaian family were ill equipped to handle her fatness with sensitivity. “…This is why you’re gaining weight. Ayeeeeee OBOLOBO!!”, Stephanie recounts some of the ridiculous remarks issued to her by family members. (Obolobo is a Twi word meaning ‘fat’ by the way – and one I have heard more times than I care to count). I have reflected on what living fattily ever after means for me: self-love, and living a happy, full life with all the flab, all the belly fat and all the chub rub!

Fattily Ever After is made up of the right balance of anecdotes (you need to read the case of the lopsided bum pads!) and in-depth analysis to keep one’s interest piqued. Not only that, the pages are gracefully littered with colourful, abstract illustrations of fat black women. She has included real life examples of some of her Twitter interactions with trolls and has reinforced her messages with interviews with other fat black women.

This is a rich body of work. The text is diverse and layered, and for that, I really appreciate the book. Her tone is at times, humourous, sometimes emotional, and other times, very “adongivafock”. Although Stephanie insists Fattily Ever After is “A Black Fat Girl’s Guide to Living Unapologetically”, she seems to have also written for the non-fat and non-black who wishes to be an ally, and those with fat friends in their circle. Without coddling, her writing points out and corrects some of their harmful albeit well-intended actions and instructs them on how they can better lend their support. I can’t say I agree with all of her suggestions – some are a bit finicky for me. I mean, “it’s always better to say ‘that outfit looks great on you!’ instead of ‘you look great in that’“. Really Stephanie?! However, I do appreciate the education she lends to others and this makes Fattily Ever After a book for all.

When it comes to Black British writing, especially where it centres our real-life experiences, I believe we are just scratching the surface. We are at the very beginning of voicing out, and as a book which centres the fat black woman, this makes Fattily Ever After important.

The fact is society will be society, and some of us won’t be losing weight any time soon. But that’s not the point, is it? The point is everyone deserves love, respect and dignity regardless of appearance. This is the underlying message I get from Stephanie’s writing. My final thought is that I recommend all women pick up this book, not only as a form as self-love and care but also as an educational resource and an entertaining read.  

[Safina Hussain · Rating 4 out of 5]

Stephanie Yeboah is a plus sized, Black influencer you need to follow. Having followed Stephanie's social media for some time, I was already aware of some of the challenges she and other plus sized women face. What I wasn't aware of was how starkly different these experiences were for black women and how they have been excluded from the body positivity movement that was started by black women in the first place! This book spoke to me on another level. As a woman of colour, I relate to black women more than any others outside my own ethnicity. That being said, this book is a great insight piece regardless of race/gender/size. There are some great tips at the end of most chapters on resources and actions you can take to prevent 'othering'.
Couldn't give it that 5th star because there is a bit of unnecessary filler content, however a great read regardless.

[Linde · Rating 5 out of 5]

What a read. So so important. During the two weeks that I kept this book on me wherever I went, I already recommended and mentioned it to everyone I met. Having more and more words to express just how deeply rooted fatphobia is, feels liberating. Stephanie Yeboah not only shares her own journey through such vulnerability but also passes the mic onto others. Grateful for such a well rounded and well articulated book. Grateful for this representation and the joy Stephanie has brought me in these past months since I discovered her online presence. A must read for all!

[Bookish Joyce · Rating 4 out of 5]

Ahhh, this was so good!
The graphics and photography: beautiful.
The writing style: strong, good, funny.
The message: YES.
Overall: I personally couldn't always find structure? There are chapters with puns in them (YES) that I didn't always get and like, the structure of Yeboah's message wasn't very clear to me.
Glad I read this, enjoyed it a lot, and will now proudly display this on my bookshelf because it just look so dang good. *hearteyes*

[Olivia E]

I just adore Stephanie Yeboah 💕

[Lori Topper · Rating 5 out of 5]

Powered through this beautiful book in a day (unusual for me!) because it was so inspiring. It’s full of raw emotional personal stories, no-nonsense breakdowns of difficult and complex topics, but also has useful how-to guides and uplifting guidance.

[Chelsea · Rating 5 out of 5]

I can’t recommend this book more! Stephanie is such an amazing voice and what she writes is important for all of us to learn and understand.

[Isabel Khine · Rating 4 out of 5]

I have some spare moments to finally(!) reflect on this brilliant book. Far from being a pseudo self-helpy text filled with platitudes, Yeboah's blistering indictment of the way that womxn's bodies have been pathologised for simply existing is illuminating and - at times - heartbreaking. The very idea that a woman could enjoy existing in her body is so radical, so new, in 2021 that I couldn't help but shed a few tears while reading.

I have much more to say and many untethered thoughts about body positivity/body neutrality have been swimming around in my journal. Time will hopefully bring them some literary maturity...

[Tamara Evans · Rating 5 out of 5]

As a woman who has been black all of my life and plus size since I was in middle school, "Fattily Ever After" is a godsend and a book I wish was available when I was younger in order to encourage me to embrace my black fat/plus size body and realize that I am a worthy person regardless of my body size or what society deems as beautiful and acceptable. Side note: this was such a life affirming read, I actually bought my own personal copy of the "Fattily Ever After" after reading chapter 1.

I found this book particularly insightful in that she presents a unique perspective as a black fat British woman. Oddly enough, I think I've often viewed issues pertaining to fatphobia and racism as only an American problem, this book opened my eyes to these being global problems rather than problems only limited to one country.

Yeboah expresses the plight of being a black fat girl through the course of nine chapters and begins her book by giving a disclaimer that this book is primarily a love letter to black fat women whose voices have been silence for far too long. Yeboah adds that this book is not meant to be a personal attack on anyone reading the book who is non-black. In addition, Yeboah aims to discuss ideologies and statements regarding white privilege, white women, slim privilege, and power plays that have helped oppress ethnic minorities as well as body types.

Chapter one highlights the history of the body positivity movement as well as how the body positivity movement typically applies to white women bodies and upholding white supremacy. Within chapter one, the Yeboah provides her personal experiences growing up as a black fat girl in Britain and being bullied. During chapter one, Yeboah expresses her desire to see women like her represented on TV, movies, and media as well as her online journey to find women with her body type online in a safe welcoming way. The chapter ends with tips on how the non-black fat readers can become a better ally as well as how the reader can find community online.

Chapter two works to dismantle the stereotype of black fat women in movies and TV shows as mammies and sassy friends. Yeboah uses this chapter to provide a condensed history of the fat black woman in movies and TV starting with Hattie McDaniel who was the first black person and first fat black woman to win an Oscar in 1940 for playing Mammie in Gone with the Wind. Although this was a historic win for black people and black women, McDaniel's Oscar win led to generations of black fat women being cast in roles as housekeepers or the sassy friend. Chapter two highlights how black men perpetuate these stereotypes and focuses on black men such as Tyler Perry, Eddie Murphy, Martin Lawrence other others followed by the four most common stereotypical character tropes seen on TV.

Chapter three discusses the perils and experiences of dating as a black fat woman. Through chapter three, Yeboah share her experiences with dating as well as a particularly heartbreaking encounter where she felt a relationship was budding only to discover she was the victim of a prank. Yeboah also expresses her frustration at black British men and their distain for fat black women while they embrace and choose fat white women for romantic partners.

Chapter four discusses the way in which society either desexualizes black fat women bodies or hypersexualize fat black women bodies. Within this chapter, Yeboah also provides actual online messages she's received from men which highlight the assumption that as a black fat woman, she must be sexually dominant and aggressive. While this chapter was upsetting over the horrible behavior of jerky men, I did like that the chapter ended with a word search puzzle (sinc eI love doing word search puzzles.)

Chapter five discuses the unrealistic body measurements deemed acceptable by society as well as within the black community of a curvy body with an hourglass shape. Yeboah uses this chapter to share a story of her attempt to achieve the ideal black body with hilarious results. I enjoyed this chapter because it ends with an writing exercise for the reader to do called the reason tree which involves writing a statement you "think" you believe in an then ask yourself why and continue asking yourself why until you get to the root of the problem.

Chapter six explores how Yeboah's fat body has been complicit in breaking her brain. The chapter really resonated with me because Yeboah shares her experiences with self-hate and self-harm. Although I have not been diagnosed with clinical depression, I completely saw myself within her pages as she talks about her disordered eating and mental health issues. The most illuminating parts of this chapter was discussing the reality that fat people get eating disorders too but it presents itself differently not only in comparison to slim people but also in comparison to white women and Hispanic women. I was also given an AHA moment in this chapter when Yeboah says that we've been conditioned as children to equate bigger bodies as being bad/villians and after presenting examples from Disney movies (Ursula from The Little Mermaid, the Queen of Hearts from Alice in Wonderland, Governor Ratcliffe from Pocahontas, and others) and The Penguin in the Batman movie. The chapter ends on how to be a thin or body positive all and provides six helpful suggestions including doesn't assume someone has lost weight because they look great and speaking up when someone fat shames your friend.

Chapter seven discusses how the medical community often equates all medical aliments to being fat. This chapter was the hardest for me to get through because I felt furious over the way in which black fat women have been misdiagnosed, dismissed and in some cases left to die due to medical discrimination and prejudice. It's shameful that in 2021, some doctors still operated under the belief system that black women bodies are stronger and can take more pain than white women bodies.

Chapter eight focuses on Lizzo and how wonderful she has been in positively representing black fat women. This chapter starts by the author sharing her first time seeing a plus size women on America's Next Top Model (Toccara Jones) as well as highlighting other positive black fat women on TV and in British fashion. Yeboah states that although Lizzo has obtained numerous success and exudes body positivity and self confidence, society still has a long way to go in making fat black women bodies something to be embraced and not something to be shunned.

Chapter nine was my favorite chapter in that it encourages the reader to write an apology letter to their body for the way in which they may have mistreated it in the past. I liked this chapter so much because not only does Yeboah encourage readers to write an apology letter to their body, she actually includes the apology letter she wrote to her body. By Yeboah sharing this letter to her body, she is at her most vulnerable with the reader and for that, I will be forever grateful to her.

Although "Fattily Ever After" is primarily a love letter to black fat women, I feel that this book could also be enjoyed and resonate with any fat woman of color since I feel this is a often silenced group. I loved the use of black, plus size murals that accompany each book chapter. I also appreciated the list of plus size brands Yeboah provides at the close of the book. Overall, this book is not only a love letter to black fat girls as well as a rally cry for fat black women to accept and embrace their bodies as they are, fight for more, better, and positive representation on TV, movies and in print and being grateful for the ways in which their bigger bodies have served them in the past, present and the future.

[Vas · Rating 4 out of 5]

A must read! Steph has made an absolute work of art that takes an in-depth look at fat culture {specifically black fat culture} and how those who don't fall into either of those categories can be supportive and positive. This book was a journey that I'm so glad I went on!

[Icy Sedgwick · Rating 5 out of 5]

Having followed Stephanie Yeboah first on Twitter and more recently on Instagram for some time, it has long been my suspicion that she's a national treasure. Now having read Fattily Ever After, I am convinced she definitely is! Yeboah is warm, genuine, approachable, and hilarious. She serves up her truly awful experiences at the hands of bullies, racists, and shit men in this book which is a memoir, manifesto, and call-to-arms all at once. She tackles self-love, fatphobia in the medical profession and the hijacking of the body positivity movement, highlighting the problems present in each area for those who fall outside of the unattainable 'beauty' standard. Yeboah's writing style makes it feel like you're sat having a coffee with her, and it really feels like an honour to be invited into her world, if only through the pages of a book. Highly recommended.

[Kaz · Rating 5 out of 5]

I think this is an important book, paricularly looking at how racism and fatphobia intersect. I enjoyed Stephanie's writing style, lots of heart and openness, sometimes heartbreaking, sometimes funny. I enjoyed the audio book but it was sometimes confusing working out what was a quote and what was the main text so I'm glad I had a hard copy as well (which also meant I got to see all the lovely illustrations).

[Marta Iwaniuk]

there seems to be an entire genre of 'body positive' books with pretty covers, colorful design and very little depth, usually written by influencers (who for some time have mostly been writing Instagram captions and it really shows).

[Jess · Rating 5 out of 5]

I've been following Stephanie Yeboah for a few years on IG and was really excited when she announced an entire book of just her content, and it definitely delivered.

[Christina · Rating 4 out of 5]

Minus one star because I wish the book had actual photos of Stephanie Yeboah (and Lizzo!) rather than the full page minimalist/simplified/vector-style drawings.

Otherwise, a great and easy read (other than swallowing the deep sorrow linked to the trauma of fatphobia). This is a valuable starting place to re-educate the mind about the myths of fatness (not linked to health or sexuality or morality) and the treatment of fat people (recognize the humanity of others and treat all with dignity, kindness, and respect!!!!!). It's also a great overview of how the #bodypositivity movement has been co-opted by corporate interests and how #fatacceptance is the new niche promoting real change.

We are ALL capable of becoming fat (and disabled! not touched on in this book), which is why it is a huge priority and necessity to LISTEN to people who ARE fat (and/or disabled): this is how we will learn to love and care for each other and IMPROVE ALL OUR SYSTEMS.

If you aren't going to read this book because reasons, then the top two impressions I would like to share are:

1. Pointing out that people are fat and "should change" will literally never help anyone. So don't freaking do it. Rather, all fat-shaming does is traumatize the individual (and the people that love them!). That person is at a much higher risk to develop dangerous eating habits (binging or purging) as a coping mechanism, and these destructive habits tend to increase biomass in the long term as the body struggles to recover from war with itself. Fat-shaming only makes people LESS healthy!

2. The language we use and the way we talk about fatness needs to change. My favorite, favorite passage from this book exemplifies how:

"...magnificent, massive arms. Bodacious, Buddha bellies, terrific, tree trunk legs, big, beautiful boat feet, chipper chub rub, stunning stretch marks, Rubenesque rolls..."

Plump & lovely. Fat & beautiful!

[Anna · Rating 2 out of 5]

I really wish that I had reviewed this right after finishing because a lot of my thoughts are muddled and forgotten now. I can tell you that I didn't love this one. It's okay for an introductory book and after flipping through the physical copy versus listening to the audio, I do think the physical format is more interesting and that didn't always translate into the audio, but my biggest problem with this book was how straight it is. For a book that is so focused on intersectionality The first third to half of this book is discussing how to get men to find you attractive with the exclusive perspective of women. It was kind of exhausting as a queer person. So if anything, I think that this book has valuable points especially the very first chapter and the last third were informative and interesting and I think would be beneficial to a lot of people, but the middle chunk was just not it.

I also think that it's possible to have a book that focuses on a fat black girls perspective while not ostracizing queer people and men. I am not one to fight for men okay, I would be fine if I didn't ever have to talk to another cishet man again, but I do think it's important to discuss the dichotomy of how fat women are treated and how fat men are treated. And maybe this just isn't the book for that and that's okay. But again, intersectionality is more than one marginalization, that's legitimately the point of intersectionality. There's also I think one or two stories from queer people in the book. The author uses second hand stories quite a lot in it and almost always they are by cishet women. I'd be hard-pressed if two of them were queer. I remember one being explicitly queer but that was it.

It was just a bit of a disappointment to be completely honest. I was really looking forward to this and adding this to my fat books by fat authors series and I might still with some disclaimers on it, but it wasn't as good as I had hoped.

[Raquel · Rating 3 out of 5]

Stephanie's memoir is both an easy read and a hard read.

Easy because her voice is chatty, funny, direct, and honest. It feels like she's having a chat with you about life and helps make the topic feel accessible and less intimidating.

But it's hard because a lot of the book is about the hard truths of life as a fat Black woman. And honestly... being fat is hard. Being Black is hard. Being both? Infinitely harder. And reading some of the painful experiences Yeboah and people she interviewed for the book have had to go through is hard.

People really hate fat people. And this book makes that clear. As well as the fact that fatphobia and anti-Blackness are inexplicably linked.

There are hopeful sections of the book, but it hasn't aged well. Through no fault of the author's! But it ends on a triumphant note about how the tides have turned and finally fat acceptance is here to stay.

Except. We have already seen pushback. Just 5 years after this book's publication, we are in the throes of the Ozempic movement, where even thin people are "magically" getting even thinner, and where we can now eradicate fat people's fat bodies with the click of a needle.

The chapter of triumph is framed within the story of Lizzo as the face of fat Black representation.

Except even Lizzo has lost weight. And who can blame her? Despite any controversy around her, I feel for the fact that she was, as a highly visible and successful woman, subject constantly to abuse and bullying from fatphobics.

In a way, Yeboah's book and books like hers are more needed now than ever, because fat people deserve to just be without ridicule, concern trolling, abuse, medical neglect, or pressure to change themselves just to be acceptable.

Minor editorial notes: enough typos to be noticeable; I wasn't a fan of the use of womxn instead of woman/women due to its fraught usage history.

[Emily Anderson · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book hurt, in a good way.

If you are someone that is/has been fat or has suffered from an eating disorder, this book may be very triggering for you. I suffered from anorexia nervosa in high school and then went on to develop a problem with binge eating. All the feels came up for me while reading this book. Reading about the intense bullying Steph faced, definitely strengthened the voice of my inner eating disorder. This book is tough. It takes mindfulness to get through, because it is painful. There is also mention of cutting, so if that is something you have struggled with, be warned, this book may be triggering.

However, what Steph has done is incredible. This was such an important read for me. Black plus-sized women have been marginalized for too long. They have been disbelieved by health professionals simply for their size, bullied, abused, cast as non-sexual sassy stereotypes, and have been chronically under-represented. Thank you for this Steph. I have so much more to learn, and a long ways to go as an ally.

I recommend this book to all. I feel this book will be most beneficial to those that’d be least interested in reading it (cough cough *entitled white men*). However, all people will benefit. Just note, if you are/have been fat or struggle with disordered eating, this book will hurt and should be read mindfully.