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Sex Ed: A Guide for Adults
Written by sex educator and body-positivity advocate Ruby Rare, Sex Ed is the practical and fun guide to sex that you've always wanted - but never known how to ask for. This is the information you should have been taught at school: a no-holds-barred roadmap that covers everything from how the brain is the most important sex organ and how to communicate what you want to yourself and a partner, all the way down to the messy stuff - solo sex, orgasms, touching, kissing, blow jobs, cunnilingus, anal play, lube, toys, kegels. After all, sex education shouldn't start and end with putting a condom on a banana.
224 pages, Hardcover
First published October 29, 2020
70 people are currently reading
1058 people want to read
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 78 reviews
September 5, 2021
TW: discussions of rape and sexual assault
(Ruby Rare is a dual-heritage queer non-monogamous sex positive woman)
I loved this book and learned loads. Including a bit more on my sexuality. And thinking of sex as not just in a PIV context (penis in vagina) or the goal of sex is to have an orgasm (which it isn't). Tbh like most people, my sex education was absolutely rubbish, didn't talk about consent, pleasure for people with vulvas, solo sex, queer sex, sexuality (seriously there were minute bits on LGBTQ+ sex and my school only mentioned gay and lesbian), kinks, setting boundaries etc.
The language used in this book was gender and sexuality inclusive and used terms such as:
- partner(s)
- top (person penetrating)
- bottom (person being penetrated)
- people with vulva
- people with penis
It also included some further reading depending on what you wanted to read more on whether that was kink, bdsm, queer sex, sexual health etc.
(Ruby Rare is a dual-heritage queer non-monogamous sex positive woman)
I loved this book and learned loads. Including a bit more on my sexuality. And thinking of sex as not just in a PIV context (penis in vagina) or the goal of sex is to have an orgasm (which it isn't). Tbh like most people, my sex education was absolutely rubbish, didn't talk about consent, pleasure for people with vulvas, solo sex, queer sex, sexuality (seriously there were minute bits on LGBTQ+ sex and my school only mentioned gay and lesbian), kinks, setting boundaries etc.
The language used in this book was gender and sexuality inclusive and used terms such as:
- partner(s)
- top (person penetrating)
- bottom (person being penetrated)
- people with vulva
- people with penis
It also included some further reading depending on what you wanted to read more on whether that was kink, bdsm, queer sex, sexual health etc.
May 21, 2021
I ran across Ruby Rare through Instagram and was intrigued enough to buy her book. I really loved it. In the introduction, Rare mentions that the phrase used most often in the book might be “it’s all OK!” It took me a day to realize the power of that to me. I’d heard “natural” and “normal” in sex ed before, but those are often defined by their contrasts (UNnatural and ABnormal).
It’s all OK! And that means I am OK. It meant a lot to feel that way while reading her book.
It’s all OK! And that means I am OK. It meant a lot to feel that way while reading her book.
November 17, 2020
Absolutely love this. Would definitely buy it for any adult looking to get to know themselves better. It’s definitely the kind of resource I wish I would’ve had as a newlywed. Plus the illustrations are beautiful and diverse.
November 22, 2025
in an effort to stat pad for the reading goal i stopped caring about a few months ago, i have been digging through my backlog for things i've never got around to, and 'Sex Ed' fit that bill perfectly. a book i bought when fourth-wave feminism was still alive and well
in those days, there was (rightly) a movement to make progressive beliefs more accessible, and this came with them being aestheticised and sold at large scale to millennial & gen Z women. think Women Don't Owe You Pretty
of course, like all movements, this one had its share of grifters and unqualified influencers. such folks were, in the early 2020s, lucky enough to find themselves in the right place at the right time. i don't know Ruby Rare, and a person's intentions can only be inferred so far from what they've written. with that being said, this book added very little to the conversation
in fact, i what struck me was that there were a number of underresearched claims in this book. in explaining trans identities, Rare says that 'trans woman' and 'amab' are synonyms, as are 'trans man' and 'afab'. that is a pretty basic mistake and you would hope a queer educator would be able to validate their definitions. she also gives an inaccurate definition of BDSM and clumsily attempts to discuss attachment theory with very limited knowledge on the subject
there is also a pervasive attitude of judgement, which sort of runs counter to the theming. there are quite a few recommendations in the book for how people 'should' do things, which runs counter to its goal of destigmatising and helping people connect to their own feelings and desires around sex. a lot of sex positive content can unwittingly fall into a trap of creating shame based on a different set of moral judgements - this is a tricky topic because of course the aim here is to push back on 'choice feminism', but i'm not sure it's a coherent answer to that
anyway! it's late 2025 and writing long scathing reviews of fourth feminist slop feels strange, because of course you would rather have feminist slop than no mainstream voice for feminism at all. but the co-opting of feminism as an aesthetic moment ultimately led to endless infographic books, some of which did the world good, and some of which were written so the author could live off a Bloomsbury advance for a while
in those days, there was (rightly) a movement to make progressive beliefs more accessible, and this came with them being aestheticised and sold at large scale to millennial & gen Z women. think Women Don't Owe You Pretty
of course, like all movements, this one had its share of grifters and unqualified influencers. such folks were, in the early 2020s, lucky enough to find themselves in the right place at the right time. i don't know Ruby Rare, and a person's intentions can only be inferred so far from what they've written. with that being said, this book added very little to the conversation
in fact, i what struck me was that there were a number of underresearched claims in this book. in explaining trans identities, Rare says that 'trans woman' and 'amab' are synonyms, as are 'trans man' and 'afab'. that is a pretty basic mistake and you would hope a queer educator would be able to validate their definitions. she also gives an inaccurate definition of BDSM and clumsily attempts to discuss attachment theory with very limited knowledge on the subject
there is also a pervasive attitude of judgement, which sort of runs counter to the theming. there are quite a few recommendations in the book for how people 'should' do things, which runs counter to its goal of destigmatising and helping people connect to their own feelings and desires around sex. a lot of sex positive content can unwittingly fall into a trap of creating shame based on a different set of moral judgements - this is a tricky topic because of course the aim here is to push back on 'choice feminism', but i'm not sure it's a coherent answer to that
anyway! it's late 2025 and writing long scathing reviews of fourth feminist slop feels strange, because of course you would rather have feminist slop than no mainstream voice for feminism at all. but the co-opting of feminism as an aesthetic moment ultimately led to endless infographic books, some of which did the world good, and some of which were written so the author could live off a Bloomsbury advance for a while
January 8, 2021
Me esperaba un libro más científico, la información que se presenta en este libro es muy general, simple y básica. Son más bien consejos/LaTíaContándoteSuVida que hechos/datos, pero de todas formas he apreciado la intención de Ruby. También hubieron cosas que me irritaron (ej. "All the models and diagrams depict white men *yawn*"), entre otras cosas que sobraban.
Encontré las ilustraciones de Sofie y el formato manual muy original, pero si no hubiese sido por eso, este libro no sería muy diferente a artículos que podrías leer por internet.
En general buscaba algo diferente a esto, pero creo que es cuestión de preferencias y que les gustaría a otras personas.
Encontré las ilustraciones de Sofie y el formato manual muy original, pero si no hubiese sido por eso, este libro no sería muy diferente a artículos que podrías leer por internet.
En general buscaba algo diferente a esto, pero creo que es cuestión de preferencias y que les gustaría a otras personas.
December 5, 2021
A Fantastic book that everyone should read.
There isn’t a single person who couldn’t learn something from this brilliant book.
I realised while reading this book that you are never actually taught anything about sex at school, you are actually taught about reproduction and biology and there is a massive gap in peoples knowledge of sex and intimacy.
I loved how open and supportive this book is and really feel EVERYONE can learn a lot from this incredible book.
5 big stars.
There isn’t a single person who couldn’t learn something from this brilliant book.
I realised while reading this book that you are never actually taught anything about sex at school, you are actually taught about reproduction and biology and there is a massive gap in peoples knowledge of sex and intimacy.
I loved how open and supportive this book is and really feel EVERYONE can learn a lot from this incredible book.
5 big stars.
June 19, 2021
I can't decide if I liked this book or loved it. Either way, it was brilliantly insightful, inclusive and illustrated. It is absolutely a model in the right direction of how everyone should be educated about bodies, consent, sex and everything in between.
February 8, 2022
TW: conversations of sexual assault and harassment
Absolutely loved this book, I feel so much more equipped now with this knowledge not only about sex but just celebrating my body in general and taking care of myself. Something I’d been failing to do because of my negative relationship with my body from past trauma.
I’m really upset for younger me who didn’t have any access to any of this vital information at all. My school’s idea of sex education was so bad I didn’t learn a single thing. All it was was to put a condom on a dildo and everyone found that so funny no one could carry on with the class.
In lessons boys would be sharing magazines around or videos, other girls nudes they had pressured them in to sending , girls calling each-other sluts and whores, boys perving on them while changing for P.E or slapping their asses on the way to lessons or touching them up under the table.
None of these actions had any consequences for them and we were made to believe it was our fault. We would be harassed about uniforms being distracting or if we were wearing make up. Looking back I feel sick and appalled that I and thousands of others thought that this was normal. Not to mention the bullying around being part of the LGBTQ+ community and being gay or trans or otherwise stepping away from “the norms” was the worst thing in the world.
I was brought up with heteronormative ideas that I existed for men, that I would always end up with a man, that sex and masturbation was for them. I hated my body, I judged other women for exploring theirs because I was taught to believe that it was disgusting and I was equally repulsed by the idea of touching myself. I also got sexually abused in relationships after I’d started having sex for the first time.
I just can’t believe that I grew up with such harmful beliefs that had ruined my mental health for years traumatising me. Now I’m slowly undoing years of hurt by learning so much more about my own sexuality as a lesbian and reclaiming my body as my own which has been really empowering and exciting. I have boundaries, I know what kind of people to avoid, I’m not afraid to enforce where the line is and speak up. I refuse to be quiet and subservient. I am not an object, I am a person and I deserve happiness and to feel safe and proud to be me.
My only criticism of this book really is that the text is quite small and the layout was sometimes a little difficult to read. Thank you Ruby for this information I really hope that schools improve and we look after younger kids by giving them the tools and knowledge to express themselves safely.
Absolutely loved this book, I feel so much more equipped now with this knowledge not only about sex but just celebrating my body in general and taking care of myself. Something I’d been failing to do because of my negative relationship with my body from past trauma.
I’m really upset for younger me who didn’t have any access to any of this vital information at all. My school’s idea of sex education was so bad I didn’t learn a single thing. All it was was to put a condom on a dildo and everyone found that so funny no one could carry on with the class.
In lessons boys would be sharing magazines around or videos, other girls nudes they had pressured them in to sending , girls calling each-other sluts and whores, boys perving on them while changing for P.E or slapping their asses on the way to lessons or touching them up under the table.
None of these actions had any consequences for them and we were made to believe it was our fault. We would be harassed about uniforms being distracting or if we were wearing make up. Looking back I feel sick and appalled that I and thousands of others thought that this was normal. Not to mention the bullying around being part of the LGBTQ+ community and being gay or trans or otherwise stepping away from “the norms” was the worst thing in the world.
I was brought up with heteronormative ideas that I existed for men, that I would always end up with a man, that sex and masturbation was for them. I hated my body, I judged other women for exploring theirs because I was taught to believe that it was disgusting and I was equally repulsed by the idea of touching myself. I also got sexually abused in relationships after I’d started having sex for the first time.
I just can’t believe that I grew up with such harmful beliefs that had ruined my mental health for years traumatising me. Now I’m slowly undoing years of hurt by learning so much more about my own sexuality as a lesbian and reclaiming my body as my own which has been really empowering and exciting. I have boundaries, I know what kind of people to avoid, I’m not afraid to enforce where the line is and speak up. I refuse to be quiet and subservient. I am not an object, I am a person and I deserve happiness and to feel safe and proud to be me.
My only criticism of this book really is that the text is quite small and the layout was sometimes a little difficult to read. Thank you Ruby for this information I really hope that schools improve and we look after younger kids by giving them the tools and knowledge to express themselves safely.
November 4, 2020
Overall, I really enjoyed this book. It definitely models much more of what sex education should be aiming for. As it is intended for adults there are definitely elements that are missing but it was very interested and the tone was very non-judgemental and kind.
My biggest issue with this book is that often it felt like form over function. Lots of the pages are coloured which makes it very difficult to read, couple that with the small writing and you really need to be sat outside at the peak of sunlight to not get a headache! The illustrations are lovely but when they are stuck in the middle of a bit of text, it makes it unclear where the sentences go and can lead to disjointed reading. Also, it’s unnecessarily small.
My biggest issue with this book is that often it felt like form over function. Lots of the pages are coloured which makes it very difficult to read, couple that with the small writing and you really need to be sat outside at the peak of sunlight to not get a headache! The illustrations are lovely but when they are stuck in the middle of a bit of text, it makes it unclear where the sentences go and can lead to disjointed reading. Also, it’s unnecessarily small.
April 4, 2021
Läsvärd! Underhållande, skriven med en varm ton och många roliga och/eller kloka iakttagelser.
April 29, 2021
I loved this book so much!
November 23, 2023
Fun, enjoyable and beautifully illustrated. I learned nothing new unfortunately, but it‘s still a great entry-level resource for curious folks, so I‘ll definitely recommend it to some.
March 17, 2021
This book is so important, everybody should read this imo.
February 1, 2022
Edit: re-read in January 2022. Still fantastic. Still loved everything. Still a warm hug.
I don’t normally give books star ratings anymore, but this was a clear 5 stars for me. I’ve been following Ruby Rare on Instagram for a while now and am so excited she published her first book! This was so well done, from the structure of the book to the illustrations (love how explicit they were btw) to the content to the tone...all so good! It’s a great reference, but I also liked the little prompts to encourage self-reflection. I do wish there had been more prompts in the later chapters (seemed like they were mostly concentrated in the beginning). The whole book was like a warm hug - so welcoming and inclusive and validating. I’ll definitely be revisiting this one in the future. I’d recommend it for any adult who’s interested in expanding their sex/relationship knowledge beyond their high school sex ed class (and random Google searches). Really a great, well thought out resource. Highly recommend!
I don’t normally give books star ratings anymore, but this was a clear 5 stars for me. I’ve been following Ruby Rare on Instagram for a while now and am so excited she published her first book! This was so well done, from the structure of the book to the illustrations (love how explicit they were btw) to the content to the tone...all so good! It’s a great reference, but I also liked the little prompts to encourage self-reflection. I do wish there had been more prompts in the later chapters (seemed like they were mostly concentrated in the beginning). The whole book was like a warm hug - so welcoming and inclusive and validating. I’ll definitely be revisiting this one in the future. I’d recommend it for any adult who’s interested in expanding their sex/relationship knowledge beyond their high school sex ed class (and random Google searches). Really a great, well thought out resource. Highly recommend!
January 28, 2021
i really enjoyed this book, if i had more of an explicit sexual education growing up as this book does, feeling more comfortable to discuss sex in a open and communicative way, maybe i wouldn’t have so much discomfort and shame surrounding sex that i do now. i also just love how all accepting this book is, ruby rare is such a joy to read <3 also the illustrations and colours are beautiful, it makes my heart happy. will definitely be coming back to this book whenever some shame or guilt rises up again for some positive affirmations.
August 8, 2021
I think my first 'sex ed' class was in grade school. The teacher separated the girls and the boys. For the girls we were shown an illustration of the ovaries and were taught mainly on what menstruation is. In the Philippines, as a Highschooler, we were shown pics of STD infested organs and that abstinence is key. Being raised in a sexually constipated culture meant that sex is taboo, shameful, and bad... So uh, raise your hand if you had abysmal sex ed when you were young ajdkgjskfk
Then you turn to media: popular media (hollywood movies) and those slightly less 'out there' (porn). But these forms of media do not capture reality, body diversity, female pleasure, and consent...among others. Which is bad if ur knowledge is based s o l e l y on some exaggerated or unrealistic portrayal.
SO YA I TURN TO BOOKS. I thoroughly enjoyed Ruby Rare's "Sex Ed". It's a good (re)introduction to the world of sex. And what's interesting is that she also takes into consideration people experiencing sexuality who are in between the gender binary. Also I adore the illustrations in the book (by Sofie Birkin). There's a special place in my heart for beautiful drawings. 💖
Another book I will recommend if you are especially interested in female desire is Emily Nagoski's "Come As You Are".
Of course, for religious or cultural reasons there may be some lines you do not want to cross. Which is OK!!! And if there are those who are curious and would like to know more, you can!! Is OK!! You do you hennyyyy
Then you turn to media: popular media (hollywood movies) and those slightly less 'out there' (porn). But these forms of media do not capture reality, body diversity, female pleasure, and consent...among others. Which is bad if ur knowledge is based s o l e l y on some exaggerated or unrealistic portrayal.
SO YA I TURN TO BOOKS. I thoroughly enjoyed Ruby Rare's "Sex Ed". It's a good (re)introduction to the world of sex. And what's interesting is that she also takes into consideration people experiencing sexuality who are in between the gender binary. Also I adore the illustrations in the book (by Sofie Birkin). There's a special place in my heart for beautiful drawings. 💖
Another book I will recommend if you are especially interested in female desire is Emily Nagoski's "Come As You Are".
Of course, for religious or cultural reasons there may be some lines you do not want to cross. Which is OK!!! And if there are those who are curious and would like to know more, you can!! Is OK!! You do you hennyyyy
December 23, 2021
I've just finished listening to this audiobook. It was fascinating for a number of reasons and definitely challenged some previously held views.
In my 20s and 30s I was at the very extreme end of promiscuity, working as a professional club DJ in many different countries, to the point where I got totally fed up of one-night stands, and went to the other extreme and have been a virtual monk in my 40s and 50s.
Since the relationship ended with my daughter's mum, I've done a lot of self-discovery. Read hundreds of books, been coached and attended group workshop scenario's and now have awareness of my multiple flaws, and it's much easier to see why most of my relationships failed, and most of them I can see now are not the reasons I thought at the time, when I rarely took responsibility for my own actions.
I have a much better understanding of myself from a psychological point of view but also can now see from a sexual point of view I was way too fixated on penetration, and especially in my 20s had little regard for the female that was happening with.
As a bloke in my 50s, I learnt a lot from this book, maybe surprisingly so? Not really. Consider the words of Stephen Covey, he said “experience is overrated.” Many times when somebody has a lot of experience, what they really have is the same experience repeated over and over again.
If you keep an open mind this book can expand that even further.
In my 20s and 30s I was at the very extreme end of promiscuity, working as a professional club DJ in many different countries, to the point where I got totally fed up of one-night stands, and went to the other extreme and have been a virtual monk in my 40s and 50s.
Since the relationship ended with my daughter's mum, I've done a lot of self-discovery. Read hundreds of books, been coached and attended group workshop scenario's and now have awareness of my multiple flaws, and it's much easier to see why most of my relationships failed, and most of them I can see now are not the reasons I thought at the time, when I rarely took responsibility for my own actions.
I have a much better understanding of myself from a psychological point of view but also can now see from a sexual point of view I was way too fixated on penetration, and especially in my 20s had little regard for the female that was happening with.
As a bloke in my 50s, I learnt a lot from this book, maybe surprisingly so? Not really. Consider the words of Stephen Covey, he said “experience is overrated.” Many times when somebody has a lot of experience, what they really have is the same experience repeated over and over again.
If you keep an open mind this book can expand that even further.
October 21, 2024
ok, except the "less love more lust" and "group sex is ok" end up having people seeing other people as objects more, and that's not what i'd want from society.
i hope those two things are not told to teens in sex-ed class...they can get a girlfriend/boyfriend, and parents might be annoyed, but i think nobody wants the kids to start having orgies instead of hitting the books.
regarding it not being ok to ask someone if they have male/female genitals when you start talking on a dating app: excluding abuse, i disagree, in a modern world in which compatibility is no longer obvious (man/woman came with implicit sexual compatibility in the minds of people) and someone is unsure, i think it's ok to ask, dating apps (specifically, or when you go to hook up in a club) are about sexual compatibility too (and that includes the sexual organs...not everyone is bisexual...it's not a friendship app where people go to just socialise and find a friend-soulmate, on an app like Tinder sex is implied). having acceptance is mandatory, but also towards people not being compatible.
i hope those two things are not told to teens in sex-ed class...they can get a girlfriend/boyfriend, and parents might be annoyed, but i think nobody wants the kids to start having orgies instead of hitting the books.
regarding it not being ok to ask someone if they have male/female genitals when you start talking on a dating app: excluding abuse, i disagree, in a modern world in which compatibility is no longer obvious (man/woman came with implicit sexual compatibility in the minds of people) and someone is unsure, i think it's ok to ask, dating apps (specifically, or when you go to hook up in a club) are about sexual compatibility too (and that includes the sexual organs...not everyone is bisexual...it's not a friendship app where people go to just socialise and find a friend-soulmate, on an app like Tinder sex is implied). having acceptance is mandatory, but also towards people not being compatible.
January 30, 2025
"Wherever you're at in life, there's always time to become more informed about sex."
In a bid to consume more non-fiction this year, I listened to this on a longish drive and it had me laughing, raising my eyebrows inquisitively, and nodding enthusiastically. It's affirming to hear Ruby so eloquently and comfortingly speak on topics I'm passionate about with easy, inclusive language throughout. They are inclusive of all genders, types of sex, and personal preference while being super informative and fun!! Exactly how sex education should be, imo. I particularly appreciated the attention they paid to destroying the idea of virginity and the importance of discovering who you are and what you like as an individual. I also loved how she weighed in on the societal and political elements of sex that are often ignored in mainstream sex ed (yes, I'm looking at you, Year 9 condom demonstration class). It's definitely a book I'll recommend to others.
P.s. ears get erections, who knew???
In a bid to consume more non-fiction this year, I listened to this on a longish drive and it had me laughing, raising my eyebrows inquisitively, and nodding enthusiastically. It's affirming to hear Ruby so eloquently and comfortingly speak on topics I'm passionate about with easy, inclusive language throughout. They are inclusive of all genders, types of sex, and personal preference while being super informative and fun!! Exactly how sex education should be, imo. I particularly appreciated the attention they paid to destroying the idea of virginity and the importance of discovering who you are and what you like as an individual. I also loved how she weighed in on the societal and political elements of sex that are often ignored in mainstream sex ed (yes, I'm looking at you, Year 9 condom demonstration class). It's definitely a book I'll recommend to others.
P.s. ears get erections, who knew???
July 13, 2021
I loved loved LOVED this book! It was a very interesting, informative and sexy journey! First of all, Ruby Rare is so freaking funny, and the way she writes is super acessible, makes the reader feel respected and safe, well, at least I certainly did! This book really helped me in understanding myself as a sexual being, how to navigate through my identity, and my views on sex as an aromantic person, and feeling validated in my journey and identity. It was such a pleasant experience, and not only will I definitely recommend this book to anyone that would be interested on a sexy little journey to understanding themselves sexually better, I am also joyfully going to follow more closely Ruby Rare's career and content!
May 9, 2022
I can't decide if I liked this book or loved it. Either way, it was brilliantly insightful, inclusive and illustrated. It is absolutely a model in the right direction of how everyone should be educated about bodies, consent, sex and everything in between.
My biggest issue with this book is that often it felt like form over function. Lots of the pages are coloured, which makes it very difficult to read, couple that with the small writing and you need to be sat outside at the peak of sunlight not to get a headache! The illustrations are lovely, but when they are stuck in the middle of a bit of text, it makes it unclear where the sentences go and can lead to disjointed reading. Also, it’s unnecessarily tiny.
Also, the reality is that the text is relatively small, and the layout was sometimes a little challenging to read. Thank you, Ruby, for this information. I hope schools improve and look after younger kids by giving them the tools and knowledge to express themselves safely.
Overall, I enjoyed this book. It models much more of what sex education should be aiming for. Some elements are missing as it is intended for adults, but it was exciting, and the tone was very non-judgemental and kind.
My biggest issue with this book is that often it felt like form over function. Lots of the pages are coloured, which makes it very difficult to read, couple that with the small writing and you need to be sat outside at the peak of sunlight not to get a headache! The illustrations are lovely, but when they are stuck in the middle of a bit of text, it makes it unclear where the sentences go and can lead to disjointed reading. Also, it’s unnecessarily tiny.
Also, the reality is that the text is relatively small, and the layout was sometimes a little challenging to read. Thank you, Ruby, for this information. I hope schools improve and look after younger kids by giving them the tools and knowledge to express themselves safely.
Overall, I enjoyed this book. It models much more of what sex education should be aiming for. Some elements are missing as it is intended for adults, but it was exciting, and the tone was very non-judgemental and kind.
January 20, 2021
Even as someone who considers themselves thoroughly obsessed with sex and in many ways aligns with lots of the ways the author herself aligns - I still gained considerably from reading this book.
Not a lot of it was necessarily new to me but it felt good to be reminded of certain things and to sit and ruminate on some thoughts that sometimes are neglected in the general hustle and bustle of life.
It's a very easy read and I enjoyed the sections, layout and of course gorgeous illustrations. It should certainly be a must read for any adult who is having sex!!
Not a lot of it was necessarily new to me but it felt good to be reminded of certain things and to sit and ruminate on some thoughts that sometimes are neglected in the general hustle and bustle of life.
It's a very easy read and I enjoyed the sections, layout and of course gorgeous illustrations. It should certainly be a must read for any adult who is having sex!!
September 1, 2021
So so so SUPER happy with this book!
This book has completely changed my outlook on not only sex but kinda everything. I feel like it made me more open and more kind.
I don't really know how to express my love and admiration, not only for the amazing book but also Ruby (and everyone else involved in making it), it has really impacted me.
It is beautifully written and personally I found most of it easy to read. It has gorgeous illustrations (by Sofie Birkin) which, as someone who can easily get bored with plain text, really helped me get along with it.
This book has completely changed my outlook on not only sex but kinda everything. I feel like it made me more open and more kind.
I don't really know how to express my love and admiration, not only for the amazing book but also Ruby (and everyone else involved in making it), it has really impacted me.
It is beautifully written and personally I found most of it easy to read. It has gorgeous illustrations (by Sofie Birkin) which, as someone who can easily get bored with plain text, really helped me get along with it.
December 31, 2021
A positive guide for your body, health and self-esteem
This is way more than a book about sex! This book is a great encouragement for body positivity. It helps focus on your mental health needs, your consent and your understanding and patience towards others. I feel this book helped me in a way, that puts it to my mind set, to not body shame myself. That you are in control of what you want and shouldn't succumb to the pressure of others. Feel safe and realise how amazing you are!
This is way more than a book about sex! This book is a great encouragement for body positivity. It helps focus on your mental health needs, your consent and your understanding and patience towards others. I feel this book helped me in a way, that puts it to my mind set, to not body shame myself. That you are in control of what you want and shouldn't succumb to the pressure of others. Feel safe and realise how amazing you are!
January 10, 2021
Brilliantly written book. It is an intro, but still has a ton of great information, ideas and resources. Many of the resources are UK specific, but it's still helpful to find info and ideas of where to find the information in your our country.
I would love to see more in depth info about destigmatizing some aspects, but it's also pretty amazing to read a book that just holds you to a sex-positive standard from the outset.
I would love to see more in depth info about destigmatizing some aspects, but it's also pretty amazing to read a book that just holds you to a sex-positive standard from the outset.
November 4, 2025
I don't know whether to give this a 1star despite its strengths, or a 3-5star despite the things it contains that I hate with a burning passion, or whether to just not rate it. So I'm leaving it unrated for now, but might change that once I've processed more.
There is a lot of good, and a lot of important stuff, in this book. But there is also some very very bad stuff (and I partly mean bad as in harmful).
The positives:
- The book is very good at shredding shame and it opens up a new world of opportunities from the ones we've been raised with and are surrounded by.
- It also provides helpful, and important, information about our bodies. This information should be taught in school, but in Sweden it mostly isn't.
- It teaches consent in a relatively good way that feels clear and not limiting.
- It provides advice regarding things that feel good for a lot of people, aswell as advice on how to engage in different practices, and advice for talking about sex with partners.
- It is norm breaking in many ways, but also gives the reader a lot of assurance that you don't have to make sex be norm breaking.
- The part about sexual trauma is mostly good.
In conclusion, it does what it sets out to do very well.
The negatives:
- The book becomes very propagandaisch at times.
- Laws and norms discussed are US centric, without there being any mention or even hint that these may be different in other places.
- The trauma part could have benefited from more facts and options regarding treatment.
- Having the sexual trauma part placed right after the part that is positive about the sex industry, and then not even have any mentions of sexual trauma related to the industry, was extremely insensitive and tone deaf.
- She dismisses the more negative facts about how porn influences and is influenced by real life.
- In the book she glorifies the sex industry, and the selling and buying of sex. It's in regards to this topic that my big problem with the book lies. She minimizes the forced aspect and the sexual violence of it and avoids topics like trafficking, child prostitution, trauma and PTSD, threats, physical and emotional violence, poverty, drug addictions, pimps, buyers, murder, and so on. Taking that part out of the conversation seems dishonest and unproductive.
- She also makes the argument that sex work is a job that has always existed and will always exist (suddenly when it comes to this topic the norm breaking attitude is gone with the wind). To be truly norm breaking, I think the author should have dared to read up on the subject, question the attitudes she's been surrounded with, and tackle it more honestly.
- She straight up lies about the sex industry, claiming laws have had certain consequences when they have been proven to have the opposite consequences, and so on. She also does not mention the Nordic model.
- She's very careful not to target groups of people as people, but instead talks about issues and problematic behavior in a way where they are not framed as being at the core of our identity. She detaches people from the bad behavior, and shows a lot of respect and care to everyone. This approach however (which she uses in regards to all kinds of behavior, sexual assaults being one example), changes completely when she gets to the part where she discusses the politics of sex more in depth. Here she talks about, and becomes very aggressive towards, feminists who oppose the sex trade (and also briefly those who are being transphobic). It does not avoid my radar that she's specifically letting out this vitriolic and aggressive side towards groups of people that are usually women, while simultaneously extending a lot of care towards men who don't handle consent well, and so on. The term she uses for people who oppose the sex trade due to the abuse people suffer in it, is also very dishonest. She calls feminists opposing the industry SWERFs (sex worker exclusionary feminists). Typically, the concern that feminists opposing the industry have is that it is abusive to the people who sell sex (or are being sold for sex). The main concern then is for the safety and well being of the sex workers/prostituted people/survivors of commercial sexual abuse. Using that term then is a way to outwardly plaster on false intent and opinions on the opposition, as an effective way to smear them. If you were actually concerned with the well being and rights of people in the industry, faced with a group of people who also are that, the natural way to engage would be to try to convince them that your way is better for the people you are both concerned for. What she does instead; pouring out heaps of pure hatred, and using misleading terms, and lying about research and facts on the topic, aswell as avoiding talking about the darker aspects, come off as somewhat sinister when it's all put together. This is especially true when you take into account that a lot of the people who belong to the group she targets, are actually survivors from the industry, who are opposing it because of their own experiences.
In the meanwhile, there is not an ounce of shade being thrown at the pimps and buyers or any of the people who are abusing, assaulting and murdering women (and others) who are prostituted.
Please always remember;
You cannot pay for consent. Money is a way to get around a lack of consent. If someone wants to have sex with you, you don't have to pay them for it.
There is a lot of good, and a lot of important stuff, in this book. But there is also some very very bad stuff (and I partly mean bad as in harmful).
The positives:
- The book is very good at shredding shame and it opens up a new world of opportunities from the ones we've been raised with and are surrounded by.
- It also provides helpful, and important, information about our bodies. This information should be taught in school, but in Sweden it mostly isn't.
- It teaches consent in a relatively good way that feels clear and not limiting.
- It provides advice regarding things that feel good for a lot of people, aswell as advice on how to engage in different practices, and advice for talking about sex with partners.
- It is norm breaking in many ways, but also gives the reader a lot of assurance that you don't have to make sex be norm breaking.
- The part about sexual trauma is mostly good.
In conclusion, it does what it sets out to do very well.
The negatives:
- The book becomes very propagandaisch at times.
- Laws and norms discussed are US centric, without there being any mention or even hint that these may be different in other places.
- The trauma part could have benefited from more facts and options regarding treatment.
- Having the sexual trauma part placed right after the part that is positive about the sex industry, and then not even have any mentions of sexual trauma related to the industry, was extremely insensitive and tone deaf.
- She dismisses the more negative facts about how porn influences and is influenced by real life.
- In the book she glorifies the sex industry, and the selling and buying of sex. It's in regards to this topic that my big problem with the book lies. She minimizes the forced aspect and the sexual violence of it and avoids topics like trafficking, child prostitution, trauma and PTSD, threats, physical and emotional violence, poverty, drug addictions, pimps, buyers, murder, and so on. Taking that part out of the conversation seems dishonest and unproductive.
- She also makes the argument that sex work is a job that has always existed and will always exist (suddenly when it comes to this topic the norm breaking attitude is gone with the wind). To be truly norm breaking, I think the author should have dared to read up on the subject, question the attitudes she's been surrounded with, and tackle it more honestly.
- She straight up lies about the sex industry, claiming laws have had certain consequences when they have been proven to have the opposite consequences, and so on. She also does not mention the Nordic model.
- She's very careful not to target groups of people as people, but instead talks about issues and problematic behavior in a way where they are not framed as being at the core of our identity. She detaches people from the bad behavior, and shows a lot of respect and care to everyone. This approach however (which she uses in regards to all kinds of behavior, sexual assaults being one example), changes completely when she gets to the part where she discusses the politics of sex more in depth. Here she talks about, and becomes very aggressive towards, feminists who oppose the sex trade (and also briefly those who are being transphobic). It does not avoid my radar that she's specifically letting out this vitriolic and aggressive side towards groups of people that are usually women, while simultaneously extending a lot of care towards men who don't handle consent well, and so on. The term she uses for people who oppose the sex trade due to the abuse people suffer in it, is also very dishonest. She calls feminists opposing the industry SWERFs (sex worker exclusionary feminists). Typically, the concern that feminists opposing the industry have is that it is abusive to the people who sell sex (or are being sold for sex). The main concern then is for the safety and well being of the sex workers/prostituted people/survivors of commercial sexual abuse. Using that term then is a way to outwardly plaster on false intent and opinions on the opposition, as an effective way to smear them. If you were actually concerned with the well being and rights of people in the industry, faced with a group of people who also are that, the natural way to engage would be to try to convince them that your way is better for the people you are both concerned for. What she does instead; pouring out heaps of pure hatred, and using misleading terms, and lying about research and facts on the topic, aswell as avoiding talking about the darker aspects, come off as somewhat sinister when it's all put together. This is especially true when you take into account that a lot of the people who belong to the group she targets, are actually survivors from the industry, who are opposing it because of their own experiences.
In the meanwhile, there is not an ounce of shade being thrown at the pimps and buyers or any of the people who are abusing, assaulting and murdering women (and others) who are prostituted.
Please always remember;
You cannot pay for consent. Money is a way to get around a lack of consent. If someone wants to have sex with you, you don't have to pay them for it.
January 9, 2021
Honestly, I wish I’d had this book years ago when I was a teenager. The sex education I received at school was painfully abysmal, and my inner psychology nerd loves the scientific (yet accessible) nature of this book. I think anyone would gain something from reading this, and embracing Ruby’s attitude towards diversity and inclusion.
January 15, 2021
1/26 - Incredibly open and honest book with beautiful illustrations. Includes tips on becoming a sex positive being, questions imploring you to think about how sex impacts your life and information suited to all people regardless of identity or preference. Will recommend to everyone and most likely refer back to multiple times!
February 11, 2021
Approximately a million times more informative and useful than the abstinence-focused sex ed classes offered at my high school in the early-mid 2000s. Presented in a straightforward but caring way, this is a great primer on a range of sex-related topics from a queer perspective. Gorgeous illustrations too; I loved the representation of all genders, sexualities, shapes, sizes and more.
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