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The Other Man
A heartwarming and transporting romantic comedy about finding happy ever after on your own terms.
Heir to his father’s Mumbai business empire, Ved Mehra has money, looks, and status. He is also living as a closeted gay man. Thirty-eight, lonely, still reeling from a breakup, and under pressure from his exasperated mother, Ved agrees to an arranged marriage. He regrettably now faces a doomed future with the perfectly lovely Disha Kapoor.
Then Ved’s world is turned upside down when he meets Carlos Silva, an American on a business trip in India.
As preparations for his wedding get into full swing, Ved finds himself drawn into a relationship he could never have imagined―and ready to take a bold step. Ved is ready to embrace who he is and declare his true feelings regardless of family expectations and staunch traditions. But with his engagement party just days away, and with so much at risk, Ved will have to fight for what he wants―if it’s not too late to get it.
Heir to his father’s Mumbai business empire, Ved Mehra has money, looks, and status. He is also living as a closeted gay man. Thirty-eight, lonely, still reeling from a breakup, and under pressure from his exasperated mother, Ved agrees to an arranged marriage. He regrettably now faces a doomed future with the perfectly lovely Disha Kapoor.
Then Ved’s world is turned upside down when he meets Carlos Silva, an American on a business trip in India.
As preparations for his wedding get into full swing, Ved finds himself drawn into a relationship he could never have imagined―and ready to take a bold step. Ved is ready to embrace who he is and declare his true feelings regardless of family expectations and staunch traditions. But with his engagement party just days away, and with so much at risk, Ved will have to fight for what he wants―if it’s not too late to get it.
299 pages, Kindle Edition
First published October 12, 2021
1866 people are currently reading
6852 people want to read
About the author
Farhad J. Dadyburjor
2 books63 followersFarhad J. Dadyburjor has been an entertainment and lifestyle journalist for over twenty years. Born and based in Mumbai, India, he has held several senior editorial positions, including at DNA newspaper, as launch editor at the international men’s magazine FHM, and currently at The Leela Magazine. His debut novel, ‘How I Got Lucky’ (Penguin Random House), was a satire on India’s celebrity culture and his forthcoming novel 'The Other Man' (Lake Union Publishing) is an urban gay romcom set in Mumbai.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 476 reviews
November 11, 2023
Real Rating: 4.25* of five, rounded down because I feel charitable despite getting NINE W-BOMBS splattered on my hems like chamberpots tossed out a medieval window
FINALIST FOR THE 34th LAMMY AWARD—BEST GAY ROMANCE!
I RECEIVED A DRC FROM THE PUBLISHER VIA NETGALLEY. THANK YOU.
My Review: There is nothing quite so satisfying to me as to read something where, since the conventions of the genre are well-established and I'm deeply familiar with them, the Rules get a good, solid workout. It really looked like something was just going to happen in the established and expected (in the book's world) way, and I'd've been reading a different book than the one I thought I was getting.
This did not occur. That is a Good Thing.
There's always an HEA (Happily Ever After) in a romance novel, or in a rom-com. They aren't always clearly signaled from the beginning. Usually, after a long time reading them, one gets a feeling for what's coming up. The thing that makes this a better version of the genres (they're not identical, romances and rom-coms) is that I got the real and genuine interiority of the main man.
The point-of-view character is, in the best versions of the genres, developed beyond the absolute minimum. In Dadyburjor's book, the repeal of Section 377, a British Colonial law against consensual gay sex between men, provides the backdrop for the gradual awakening of the main man to his responsibilities as a societal actor. His long-brewing confrontation with himself, his internalized need to Please and to fit in, tracks with the Indian Supreme Court's decision to overturn this legacy of obtuse and cruel Britishness. This places the book's action as taking place around 6 September 2018, when the decision to strike down the law was formally issued.
As framing devices for coming-out narratives go, it's awfully hard to beat that one! It isn't exactly harped on, American audiences without much interest in the fate of their fellow men in other countries aren't going to get smacked with it everywhere, but there is enough to make the turning points clear to someone who has paid attention.
Ved, our main man, is really the opposite of a cinnamon roll...maybe a kale salad, like the one he eats *convulsive retch* during the dark, pre-coming-out days?...he not only deserves his suffering but is let off lightly by the author for his unconscionable acts of lying by omission and commission. He's eaten alive by self-loathing and guilt? Good! He merits these feelings! His actions towards both his gal-pal/fiancée and his belovèd Carlos are reprehensible indeed. Yes yes yes he's trying to please everyone else and not being in the least bit honest in it. That's part of the character's journey...and part of the framing device's demands. The point of Ved coming out at all was to be, legally and finally, a gay man in a country that stopped making it possible for sleazy, evil people to victimize him. (Go watch the 1961 film Victim if you want to see what specifically could happen to a man like Ved without the repeal of Section 377. It is not all that pleasant, he said with his best clipped English tones.)
But this is all in service of A Redemption. The redemption comes after the main man is out, after he takes his lumps and makes his obeisances to the ones his dishonesty hurt. It does indeed work, for this particular reader, as a romance novel for that reason. I wouldn't call it a rom-com, as I've seen others do. I don't find lying and hiding amusing anymore...once I might've, since I used to laugh my socks off at Absolutely Fabulous (am now unable to watch even a full episode).
Ved makes as good as anyone can for the harm he's caused. That merits some sort of reward. But we don't see it...the engagement party that he's just caused to crash and burn was a few days, like two or three!, away when he said "NO" and we see NONE of the carnage? Why do I feel so cheated of some good, meaty melodrama? And Disha, the woman he was engaged to, wasn't any monadnock of probity, either, yet she gets nothing, absolutely nothing! of a reckoning for her lying? Hm. I get the constraints of romance-novel length but a balance could've been struck, couldn't it?
So no, no fives from me. But I must say that I completely understand the inclusion of the book on the Lammy Awards list of bests of 2021. It deserves, in my never-remotely-humble opinion, the win. The originality of the framing device, its careful use so as not to be intrusive to audiences who *sigh* just don't care but still present enough to make the timeline clear, gets big kudos. The main man's journey from child-man to man is satisfyingly real. The ending is indeed happy, and that was exactly what the entire exercise promised.
Promise: kept. Pleasure: had.
FINALIST FOR THE 34th LAMMY AWARD—BEST GAY ROMANCE!
I RECEIVED A DRC FROM THE PUBLISHER VIA NETGALLEY. THANK YOU.
My Review: There is nothing quite so satisfying to me as to read something where, since the conventions of the genre are well-established and I'm deeply familiar with them, the Rules get a good, solid workout. It really looked like something was just going to happen in the established and expected (in the book's world) way, and I'd've been reading a different book than the one I thought I was getting.
This did not occur. That is a Good Thing.
There's always an HEA (Happily Ever After) in a romance novel, or in a rom-com. They aren't always clearly signaled from the beginning. Usually, after a long time reading them, one gets a feeling for what's coming up. The thing that makes this a better version of the genres (they're not identical, romances and rom-coms) is that I got the real and genuine interiority of the main man.
He was well aware how people viewed homosexuality in this country—as if it were a disease that could be cured like any other. He would become the object of ridicule at work, and he could imagine all too easily the way Mum’s friends would sneer about his “abnormality” behind his back, offering their sympathies to Dolly while secretly relishing the downfall of the once-mighty Mehra name.
–and–
Carlos clearly believed Ved was different, but Ved wasn’t so sure. Ved had once been the one to smile at Akshay like that, with his whole face open, with such trust. Ved had done that from this very seat at this very table. Now, the roles were reversed. In this scenario, Ved was Akshay. And that terrified him.
The point-of-view character is, in the best versions of the genres, developed beyond the absolute minimum. In Dadyburjor's book, the repeal of Section 377, a British Colonial law against consensual gay sex between men, provides the backdrop for the gradual awakening of the main man to his responsibilities as a societal actor. His long-brewing confrontation with himself, his internalized need to Please and to fit in, tracks with the Indian Supreme Court's decision to overturn this legacy of obtuse and cruel Britishness. This places the book's action as taking place around 6 September 2018, when the decision to strike down the law was formally issued.
As framing devices for coming-out narratives go, it's awfully hard to beat that one! It isn't exactly harped on, American audiences without much interest in the fate of their fellow men in other countries aren't going to get smacked with it everywhere, but there is enough to make the turning points clear to someone who has paid attention.
Ved, our main man, is really the opposite of a cinnamon roll...maybe a kale salad, like the one he eats *convulsive retch* during the dark, pre-coming-out days?...he not only deserves his suffering but is let off lightly by the author for his unconscionable acts of lying by omission and commission. He's eaten alive by self-loathing and guilt? Good! He merits these feelings! His actions towards both his gal-pal/fiancée and his belovèd Carlos are reprehensible indeed. Yes yes yes he's trying to please everyone else and not being in the least bit honest in it. That's part of the character's journey...and part of the framing device's demands. The point of Ved coming out at all was to be, legally and finally, a gay man in a country that stopped making it possible for sleazy, evil people to victimize him. (Go watch the 1961 film Victim if you want to see what specifically could happen to a man like Ved without the repeal of Section 377. It is not all that pleasant, he said with his best clipped English tones.)
But this is all in service of A Redemption. The redemption comes after the main man is out, after he takes his lumps and makes his obeisances to the ones his dishonesty hurt. It does indeed work, for this particular reader, as a romance novel for that reason. I wouldn't call it a rom-com, as I've seen others do. I don't find lying and hiding amusing anymore...once I might've, since I used to laugh my socks off at Absolutely Fabulous (am now unable to watch even a full episode).
Ved makes as good as anyone can for the harm he's caused. That merits some sort of reward. But we don't see it...the engagement party that he's just caused to crash and burn was a few days, like two or three!, away when he said "NO" and we see NONE of the carnage? Why do I feel so cheated of some good, meaty melodrama? And Disha, the woman he was engaged to, wasn't any monadnock of probity, either, yet she gets nothing, absolutely nothing! of a reckoning for her lying? Hm. I get the constraints of romance-novel length but a balance could've been struck, couldn't it?
So no, no fives from me. But I must say that I completely understand the inclusion of the book on the Lammy Awards list of bests of 2021. It deserves, in my never-remotely-humble opinion, the win. The originality of the framing device, its careful use so as not to be intrusive to audiences who *sigh* just don't care but still present enough to make the timeline clear, gets big kudos. The main man's journey from child-man to man is satisfyingly real. The ending is indeed happy, and that was exactly what the entire exercise promised.
Promise: kept. Pleasure: had.
October 24, 2021
Carlos turned back to the window. "I could stare at this view all day."
Ved continued looking at Carlos. "Me too."
my bulleted thoughts for the other man:
➵ i know that this is romance novel but for me it focused more on ved's growth as an individual. i was here for the moment that he realized that this is his life and he is choosing happiness.
➵ loved how this book gave us the message that ved may be a closeted gay man but that didn't give him the right to be a shitty person to those who care for him.
➵ i loved ved but this story is basically about him cheating on his fiancee, disha. no excuses. and also about him lying to carlos that he is indeed already engaged.
➵ i am honestly shocked that carlos never bothered to check up ved on social media or even on google! imagine dating one of the most influential man residing in mumbai and you didn't even know he is getting married. no facebook check? no twitter check? no instagram check?
➵ highly appreciate how india was so vivid and clear to me as a reader. the tradition, culture, food, and also the discrimination against the lgbtq was very much present.
➵ oh my god. this book is probably the most child-friendly adult romance ever! we got both no sex and sexual tension between ved and carlos. cheesiness and hugs are the only things present here. no groping too. maybe because it was set in a conservative country namely india? lacks spice in that department.
➵ i was so invested in this. I was turning the pages fast.
➵ consists of short chapters that, for me, ends in a cliffhanger-ish way. i literally couldn't stop reading this book. a page-turner.
➵ i smiled a lot reading this but marketing it as a romcom is way too much. the story was equally heartwarming and depressing.
➵ loved the parents!
➵ the hea in the end was so worth it!
overall, i feel like this is one of those books that one can safely recommend to someone who wanna dive in to the mm romance genre without it getting super heavy.
June 19, 2022
Exceptionally good
What a rollercoaster of emotions I just felt, it over delivered in so many aspects that I'm not really sure where to start.
Ved seems to have it all, a dream job, a bulky bank account, a loving mum... but he's also missing too much, a relationship with his father, who happens to work and live with him, friends, a social life, but most importantly someone to share his life with. Not for the lack of his mum trying to find him a wife.
Ved also has a secret... he's gay in a society where being so is actually illegal.
That is only the opening, what happens after is a mixture of so many things extremely well written that can't do less that make you laugh and feel for the characters at the same time that you worry about what's happening and if they'll be able to pull through.
Absolutely one of the best stories I've read this year
What a rollercoaster of emotions I just felt, it over delivered in so many aspects that I'm not really sure where to start.
Ved seems to have it all, a dream job, a bulky bank account, a loving mum... but he's also missing too much, a relationship with his father, who happens to work and live with him, friends, a social life, but most importantly someone to share his life with. Not for the lack of his mum trying to find him a wife.
Ved also has a secret... he's gay in a society where being so is actually illegal.
That is only the opening, what happens after is a mixture of so many things extremely well written that can't do less that make you laugh and feel for the characters at the same time that you worry about what's happening and if they'll be able to pull through.
Absolutely one of the best stories I've read this year
May 10, 2022
Beautiful story of a gay man navigating a homophobic country.
I personally found many aspects of this book to be relatable. How Ved felt about himself, the society's expectations, his fears about coming out to his family.... Honestly, his coming out reminded me of my own and I cried intensely at those scenes.
I love the cultural aspects and the food- Oh my god, the food! I was constantly hungry while reading this book. Ved finding a best friend in Disha was honestly the best outcome I could've hoped for.
I am so happy I got this book from my Secret Santa! Once again, thank you, Danni (RedsBookReads)!
I personally found many aspects of this book to be relatable. How Ved felt about himself, the society's expectations, his fears about coming out to his family.... Honestly, his coming out reminded me of my own and I cried intensely at those scenes.
I love the cultural aspects and the food- Oh my god, the food! I was constantly hungry while reading this book. Ved finding a best friend in Disha was honestly the best outcome I could've hoped for.
I am so happy I got this book from my Secret Santa! Once again, thank you, Danni (RedsBookReads)!
January 19, 2022
Homosexuality in India, still criminalized. An arranged marriage. And a meeting between two men who are immediately attracted to each other.
Ved has known he’s gay for a long time, he meets men via Grindr and even had a (secret) relationship. Then his mum sets up a date with Disha and at the same time he starts talking to Carlos through Grindr. These could be ingredients for a rom-com like the story is pitched, but in my opinion it’s more a romantic contemporary; a gay man who’s living in a country where arranged marriages are normal and where being gay is considered ‘unnatural’. A man who has to chose between marrying a lovely girl or being true to himself which could mean losing his family.
”Maybe things would be better if queer love weren’t criminalized in India. If these men could see that there are more options, that they don’t have to feel pressured to marry women”.
Sometimes I wanted to shout at Ved, tell him to take responsibility for his own life, not to lead Disha and Carlos on, to stop lying to Carlos, to stop cheating on Disha, and I cringed many times. But on the other hand, this story takes place just before homosexuality got decriminalized (2018), and I found out that more than 80% (!) of the marriages in India are still arranged. So, who am I to judge Ved?
The Other Man is an easy and fast paced read, and I rooted for Ved to come out and finally be happy. I had some mixed feelings about Disha. Even though she seemed nice, I hated that she immediately told her mum about a conversation she had with Ved (and Ved’s mum immediately knew about it too), and I felt uncomfortable when she told Ved’s servant how to prepare food. It felt derogatory. Carlos was a cinnamon bun, so sweet and caring and talkative and lively. I loved it when the men were together and Ved was truly happy.
The ending felt like it was pitched, like a rom-com, a bit too ... cheesy? But overall I really enjoyed reading this story.
I received an ARC from Lake Union Publishing and NetGalley in exchange for an honest review.
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Ved has known he’s gay for a long time, he meets men via Grindr and even had a (secret) relationship. Then his mum sets up a date with Disha and at the same time he starts talking to Carlos through Grindr. These could be ingredients for a rom-com like the story is pitched, but in my opinion it’s more a romantic contemporary; a gay man who’s living in a country where arranged marriages are normal and where being gay is considered ‘unnatural’. A man who has to chose between marrying a lovely girl or being true to himself which could mean losing his family.
”Maybe things would be better if queer love weren’t criminalized in India. If these men could see that there are more options, that they don’t have to feel pressured to marry women”.
Sometimes I wanted to shout at Ved, tell him to take responsibility for his own life, not to lead Disha and Carlos on, to stop lying to Carlos, to stop cheating on Disha, and I cringed many times. But on the other hand, this story takes place just before homosexuality got decriminalized (2018), and I found out that more than 80% (!) of the marriages in India are still arranged. So, who am I to judge Ved?
The Other Man is an easy and fast paced read, and I rooted for Ved to come out and finally be happy. I had some mixed feelings about Disha. Even though she seemed nice, I hated that she immediately told her mum about a conversation she had with Ved (and Ved’s mum immediately knew about it too), and I felt uncomfortable when she told Ved’s servant how to prepare food. It felt derogatory. Carlos was a cinnamon bun, so sweet and caring and talkative and lively. I loved it when the men were together and Ved was truly happy.
The ending felt like it was pitched, like a rom-com, a bit too ... cheesy? But overall I really enjoyed reading this story.
I received an ARC from Lake Union Publishing and NetGalley in exchange for an honest review.
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June 5, 2025Mumbai-set romance with a closeted Indian guy preparing to make an arranged marriage but falling in love with a USian expat.
I wanted to like this more than I did. :/ We can see how life in the closet and family obligation and cultural pressure combined to make Ved as he was, but he consistently lies to everyone in his life including people who really haven't deserved to be lied to, and I just...felt like this was a rolling tragedy of a severely damaged man dealing with his fear and trauma by treating other people extremely badly. Which is perhaps not the lighthearted approach to romcom tropes with which one ought to approach this as a reader but here we are.
I wanted to like this more than I did. :/ We can see how life in the closet and family obligation and cultural pressure combined to make Ved as he was, but he consistently lies to everyone in his life including people who really haven't deserved to be lied to, and I just...felt like this was a rolling tragedy of a severely damaged man dealing with his fear and trauma by treating other people extremely badly. Which is perhaps not the lighthearted approach to romcom tropes with which one ought to approach this as a reader but here we are.
dnf
October 13, 2021DNF at 6%
Look, if a man's internal monologue about his secretary includes 'Sheetal had ditched her demure daytime sari for Friday-night “fuck me” attire, a short black dress with a plunging neckline' on page 2, I'm out. "Fuck me" attire? Really?
Look, if a man's internal monologue about his secretary includes 'Sheetal had ditched her demure daytime sari for Friday-night “fuck me” attire, a short black dress with a plunging neckline' on page 2, I'm out. "Fuck me" attire? Really?
Read
February 23, 2022oh, dear, I wanted so much to love this. I was so delighted to see an Indian m/m romantic comedy on the romance shelves in an Indian bookshop, times have changed such a lot! But the book, alas, is not good. It's written in a stilted, inexperienced prose style, and the editing isn't great (I was predictably annoyed by the reference to Oxford University "campus" and there were other things). But the plot of this book is that Ved, 38yo single closeted gay man, is being pressured to get married by his traditional conservative Indian parents. Surprisingly, the latest set-up doesn't go badly - he doesn't want a romantic relationship with Disha, but he likes her anyway, and they become friends. This is of course interpreted as an engagement by the families. Ved not only doesn't correct them, but pursues a relationship with a new boyfriend, lies to the boyfriend about the engagement-soon-to-be-marriage, lies to the fiancee about the boyfriend and hopes somehow that things will work out! Of course n the end it all comes out (lol no pun intended), and everyone - fiancee, boyfriend, and parents - forgive him, as they must do in a romcom, but honestly I didn't. It's not easy to root for a MC who treats people very badly without narrative consequences. All such a shame, because I really did want to like this.
January 29, 2022
3.5 stars
In The Other Man , boy meets girl…and then he meets boy.
At age 38, Ved is truly an eligible bachelor. He’s handsome (many say he resembles George Clooney), he’s smart, and he is in line to run his family’s electronics empire. His mother knows any woman would be lucky to have him as a husband, and she’s determined to find him a suitable wife. She doesn’t understand why he keeps rejecting all the women she suggests!
The thing is, Ved doesn’t want to disappoint his mother, but he is living as a closeted gay man. Being gay is a crime in India, and he knows that telling his parents the truth will break their hearts. He has already fallen in love and had his heart broken once, so what’s the point anyway?
But to keep the peace, he agrees to go out with the vivacious Disha. She’s smart, beautiful, independent, and her family could be an excellent business connection. He’d be foolish not to get engaged—who cares if he doesn’t love her?
And then he meets Carlos, an American vacationing in Mumbai. Carlos is everything he could want, and he feels alive whenever he’s with him. With Carlos he dreams of a life he never thought he could have, and he’s finally ready to take the first step. But there’s the small matter of his engagement…
This was a sweet, thought-provoking story, one which so many LGBTQIA+ people all over the world have dealt with. It’s a reminder that it’s sometimes so much harder to find the courage to live the life you want instead of the one others want you to live. I'll admit I wasn't completely enamored of Ved's behavior in the book, but I can't say I blame him.
See all of my reviews at itseithersadnessoreuphoria.blogspot.com.
Follow me on Instagram at https://www.instagram.com/the.bookishworld.of.yrralh/.
In The Other Man , boy meets girl…and then he meets boy.
At age 38, Ved is truly an eligible bachelor. He’s handsome (many say he resembles George Clooney), he’s smart, and he is in line to run his family’s electronics empire. His mother knows any woman would be lucky to have him as a husband, and she’s determined to find him a suitable wife. She doesn’t understand why he keeps rejecting all the women she suggests!
The thing is, Ved doesn’t want to disappoint his mother, but he is living as a closeted gay man. Being gay is a crime in India, and he knows that telling his parents the truth will break their hearts. He has already fallen in love and had his heart broken once, so what’s the point anyway?
But to keep the peace, he agrees to go out with the vivacious Disha. She’s smart, beautiful, independent, and her family could be an excellent business connection. He’d be foolish not to get engaged—who cares if he doesn’t love her?
And then he meets Carlos, an American vacationing in Mumbai. Carlos is everything he could want, and he feels alive whenever he’s with him. With Carlos he dreams of a life he never thought he could have, and he’s finally ready to take the first step. But there’s the small matter of his engagement…
This was a sweet, thought-provoking story, one which so many LGBTQIA+ people all over the world have dealt with. It’s a reminder that it’s sometimes so much harder to find the courage to live the life you want instead of the one others want you to live. I'll admit I wasn't completely enamored of Ved's behavior in the book, but I can't say I blame him.
See all of my reviews at itseithersadnessoreuphoria.blogspot.com.
Follow me on Instagram at https://www.instagram.com/the.bookishworld.of.yrralh/.
June 22, 2021
Really enjoyed this!! Truly was a south asian romcom written for a south asian audience, which I loved. We really need more books that talk about the LGBTQ community in south asia, but also those that at the same time include their worries and concerns beyond simply including them in stories that end perfectly for everyone. I felt that this book aimed to do that by having a cute, enjoyable plot that was super gripping but also addressed section 377 of the Indian Penal Code and all the efforts made the repeal it.
Overall, a super enjoyable read💛
Overall, a super enjoyable read💛
May 19, 2022
1.5 stars. I really need to get better about DNFing books when it's clear that I'm no longer enjoying it, but my problem is that I DO have a worm inside my brain that's always whispering "Well, you've made it this far... why not just finish?" Because you're not having fun, Laura! That's why!
Anyway. This wasn't very good. But first, here are some reasons why I SHOULD have liked this book, and honestly thought I would. I genuinely really adore queer romance novels that have coming out as one of their secondary themes; I know a lot of people are tired of it, but not me. Seeing closeted characters struggle against societal and familial norms can be really powerful, and I enjoyed that this took place in the months leading up to the scrapping of Section 377 in India. Ved, our main character, is hard to like, but at first so many things about him struck me to my heart, especially the way his personality meant that he kept getting swept along in other people's plans for him. That can be legitimately overwhelming, and it was easy to empathise with him.
However.
I liked all the descriptions of Mumbai, I loved all the foodie talk, and I liked the narrator for the audiobook, Ariyan Kassam. And that's pretty much it. I'm sad that I didn't enjoy this more but I'm glad I get to wash my hands of it now.
Anyway. This wasn't very good. But first, here are some reasons why I SHOULD have liked this book, and honestly thought I would. I genuinely really adore queer romance novels that have coming out as one of their secondary themes; I know a lot of people are tired of it, but not me. Seeing closeted characters struggle against societal and familial norms can be really powerful, and I enjoyed that this took place in the months leading up to the scrapping of Section 377 in India. Ved, our main character, is hard to like, but at first so many things about him struck me to my heart, especially the way his personality meant that he kept getting swept along in other people's plans for him. That can be legitimately overwhelming, and it was easy to empathise with him.
However.
I liked all the descriptions of Mumbai, I loved all the foodie talk, and I liked the narrator for the audiobook, Ariyan Kassam. And that's pretty much it. I'm sad that I didn't enjoy this more but I'm glad I get to wash my hands of it now.
June 21, 2022
I always love reading books featuring Indian characters and settings because of how much I can relate to their surroundings and interactions as an Indian. I thought that this novel explored the expectations that Indian culture sets on us really well in terms of the main characters sexuality and his conflict between wanting to be his authentic self and wanting to make his parents proud of him. It’s one of those books where I didn’t like Ved’s actions but I could really understand why he made the choices that he did and I really loved how everything came together in the end.
5/5 stars
5/5 stars
Want to read
March 9, 2021March 08, 2021: an urban gay rom-com in Mumbai? an urban gay rom-com in Mumbai? an urban gay rom-com in Mumbai? AH, YES.
Read
February 5, 2022DNF @9% (audio book)
October 26, 2023
I've given this an A- for narration and a B+ for content at AudioGals - 4.5 stars
Farhad J. Dadyburjor’s The Other Man is one of those audiobooks I picked up on a whim – I hadn’t heard of the author (I’ve since learned he’s been an entertainment and lifestyle journalist for over twenty years) and was similarly in the dark about the narrator, but the premise of the story appealed – and I’m pleased to report that this is one of those times when a gamble paid off, because I enjoyed the story very much and Ariyan Kassam’s narration is excellent.
Ved (pronounced to my Western ears as “Wade”) Mehra seems to have it all. At thirty-eight, he’s handsome, well-off and high-status; he runs his father’s multi-million electronics corporation and as the Mehra’s only child, will one day inherit it. On the surface, he has everything a man would want – but that’s only an illusion. Life as a gay man in a very conservative society where homosexuality is still illegal (the book is set around the time when the law against homosexuality was eventually repealed – which wasn’t until 2018) is difficult and often disheartening; Ved can’t live openly and honestly, yet he can’t face the idea of coming out to his parents, knowing what a dreadful disappointment it would be to them to discover he isn’t the perfect Indian son. He had thought, a few years back, that he’d found someone to share his life with (albeit in secret), until Akshay announced he was bowing to the inevitable and going ahead with the marriage that had been arranged for him. The break-up was four years ago, and Ved has never found anyone else he wanted to spend time with, instead filling the void with endless work and having meaningless hook-ups when he wants sex.
As if he’s not feeling sad and pathetic enough, his mother Dolly is continually pressuring him to get married. This isn’t anything out of the ordinary – arranged marriages are still a really big part of Indian culture (a google search revealed that in 2018, over 90% of respondents said their marriage had been an arranged one) – but “when are you getting married?” or a variation of it is part of every single conversation Ved has with Dolly, and having to deflect her all the time is exhausting. When her nagging gets too much, he decides he’ll do the same thing he’s done the last couple of times she’s found him a potential wife; he’ll go on a date with the woman, then say that she wasn’t right, and Dolly will leave him alone for a while – until the next time.
Overworked, lonely and miserable, Ved finally caves to pressure and agrees to meet with Disha Kapoor, whose father owns a large media company which would make their marriage a perfect business merger, too. Fully prepared to employ his usual strategy, Ved is surprised to find that he actually likes Disha and enjoys her company; she’s beautiful, well-educated, funny and clever, she owns her own business designing and making custom Indian wedding outfits, and Ved is forced to admit that his mother had been right – she’d make a perfect wife.
Proving that fate has an extremely good sense of irony, on the very day that Ved finally arranges his first date with Disha, he gets a Grindr notification from JaipurVisitor asking Ved if he wants to chat. At first, Ved tries to brush him off, but before long, he and JaipurVisitor – Carlos, a New Yorker working in Jaipur – are chatting daily, Carlos telling Ved about the things he’s seen and done in Jaipur, Ved telling Carlos about his life in Mumbai – carefully omitting any mention of Disha. They share their real names and take their interactions off Grindr and into texts, and eventually Carlos says he’s coming to Mumbai for a few weeks and wants to meet up.
While he’s been getting to know Carlos, Ved has sort of fallen into officially dating Disha, and now they’re hurtling towards an engagement. Ved has convinced himself, however, that he won’t let things get that far, that he’ll tell his parents – and Disha – the truth, but he keeps putting it off and telling himself he’ll do it ‘soon’. Except he doesn’t. Even after Carlos arrives and they start falling in love, Ved continues to keep his secrets, knowing he’s digging himself a deeper and deeper hole. Yet the weeks he spends with Carlos are some of the best of Ved’s life. Carlos is a great guy; handsome and funny and sweet and chatty, and the scenes where he and Ved are together and Ved is actually happy are just lovely. Ved knows he’s in the wrong and that he stands to hurt the people he most cares about – his parents, Disha and Carlos – but he’s now so deep into the tangled web that he can’t see a way out of it – and we know it’s all going to blow up in his face.
The Other Man is a lively, feel-good story about living your own life and not the one that is expected of you, and it moves along at a swift pace and features engaging and sympathetic characters. That the author accomplishes this despite the fact that Ved is lying to his nearest and dearest for almost the entire book is quite something; instead of coming off as a deceitful shit (and I freely admit there were times I wanted to smack him upside the head and tell him to take responsibility for his own life!) Ved is skilfully portrayed as a man crumbling under the weight of expectation whose life is slowly spiralling out of control, and his indecision, while incredibly frustrating, is – given his upbringing and deeply ingrained cultural mindset – understandable. And while Ved’s romance with Carlos – and his friendship with Disha – are important parts of the story, the book is as much about his personal growth and at last finding himself and the courage to choose happiness as it is about him finding love.
I had a few niggles along the way though. Firstly, I was surprised that Ved took Carlos back home for ‘sleepovers’ (there are no sex scenes, it’s all fade-to-black) to the apartment he shares with his father, and I found it hard to believe that Carlos never once googled Ved, who is, after all, a well-known figure in the business community. But I loved the way the city of Mumbai comes so vibrantly to life; its traditions and food and culture are wonderfully and vividly described. The ending is maybe a bit cheesy, but I didn’t mind it – after waiting so long for Ved to find happiness, it was still worth the wait!
Ariyam Kassam appears to be relatively new to the world of audiobook narration, but he delivers a wonderfully assured and enjoyable performance that really brings the characters and story to life. He employs a variety of tone, accent and timbre to provide distinct and appropriate voices for all the characters and differentiates skilfully between them, and he does a great job when bringing out the humour and emotions in the story. Mr. Kassam’s female voices are great, too – his portrayal of Dolly is hilarious and I loved the way he voices Disha, with a kind of hybrid American/Indian accent. Talking of accents, the American one he uses for Carlos is flawless and his ability to switch seamlessly from one accent to another is impressive. It’s a terrific performance that contributed considerably to my enjoyment of the listening experience.
The publisher’s blurb labels The Other Man a “rom com”, but I disagree; rather, it’s a contemporary romance with moments of humour and light-heartedness which also tackles some serious themes. It’s a thought-provoking story full of warmth and charm, the narration is excellent, and I’m happy to recommend it.
This review originally appeared at AudioGals.
Farhad J. Dadyburjor’s The Other Man is one of those audiobooks I picked up on a whim – I hadn’t heard of the author (I’ve since learned he’s been an entertainment and lifestyle journalist for over twenty years) and was similarly in the dark about the narrator, but the premise of the story appealed – and I’m pleased to report that this is one of those times when a gamble paid off, because I enjoyed the story very much and Ariyan Kassam’s narration is excellent.
Ved (pronounced to my Western ears as “Wade”) Mehra seems to have it all. At thirty-eight, he’s handsome, well-off and high-status; he runs his father’s multi-million electronics corporation and as the Mehra’s only child, will one day inherit it. On the surface, he has everything a man would want – but that’s only an illusion. Life as a gay man in a very conservative society where homosexuality is still illegal (the book is set around the time when the law against homosexuality was eventually repealed – which wasn’t until 2018) is difficult and often disheartening; Ved can’t live openly and honestly, yet he can’t face the idea of coming out to his parents, knowing what a dreadful disappointment it would be to them to discover he isn’t the perfect Indian son. He had thought, a few years back, that he’d found someone to share his life with (albeit in secret), until Akshay announced he was bowing to the inevitable and going ahead with the marriage that had been arranged for him. The break-up was four years ago, and Ved has never found anyone else he wanted to spend time with, instead filling the void with endless work and having meaningless hook-ups when he wants sex.
As if he’s not feeling sad and pathetic enough, his mother Dolly is continually pressuring him to get married. This isn’t anything out of the ordinary – arranged marriages are still a really big part of Indian culture (a google search revealed that in 2018, over 90% of respondents said their marriage had been an arranged one) – but “when are you getting married?” or a variation of it is part of every single conversation Ved has with Dolly, and having to deflect her all the time is exhausting. When her nagging gets too much, he decides he’ll do the same thing he’s done the last couple of times she’s found him a potential wife; he’ll go on a date with the woman, then say that she wasn’t right, and Dolly will leave him alone for a while – until the next time.
Overworked, lonely and miserable, Ved finally caves to pressure and agrees to meet with Disha Kapoor, whose father owns a large media company which would make their marriage a perfect business merger, too. Fully prepared to employ his usual strategy, Ved is surprised to find that he actually likes Disha and enjoys her company; she’s beautiful, well-educated, funny and clever, she owns her own business designing and making custom Indian wedding outfits, and Ved is forced to admit that his mother had been right – she’d make a perfect wife.
Proving that fate has an extremely good sense of irony, on the very day that Ved finally arranges his first date with Disha, he gets a Grindr notification from JaipurVisitor asking Ved if he wants to chat. At first, Ved tries to brush him off, but before long, he and JaipurVisitor – Carlos, a New Yorker working in Jaipur – are chatting daily, Carlos telling Ved about the things he’s seen and done in Jaipur, Ved telling Carlos about his life in Mumbai – carefully omitting any mention of Disha. They share their real names and take their interactions off Grindr and into texts, and eventually Carlos says he’s coming to Mumbai for a few weeks and wants to meet up.
While he’s been getting to know Carlos, Ved has sort of fallen into officially dating Disha, and now they’re hurtling towards an engagement. Ved has convinced himself, however, that he won’t let things get that far, that he’ll tell his parents – and Disha – the truth, but he keeps putting it off and telling himself he’ll do it ‘soon’. Except he doesn’t. Even after Carlos arrives and they start falling in love, Ved continues to keep his secrets, knowing he’s digging himself a deeper and deeper hole. Yet the weeks he spends with Carlos are some of the best of Ved’s life. Carlos is a great guy; handsome and funny and sweet and chatty, and the scenes where he and Ved are together and Ved is actually happy are just lovely. Ved knows he’s in the wrong and that he stands to hurt the people he most cares about – his parents, Disha and Carlos – but he’s now so deep into the tangled web that he can’t see a way out of it – and we know it’s all going to blow up in his face.
The Other Man is a lively, feel-good story about living your own life and not the one that is expected of you, and it moves along at a swift pace and features engaging and sympathetic characters. That the author accomplishes this despite the fact that Ved is lying to his nearest and dearest for almost the entire book is quite something; instead of coming off as a deceitful shit (and I freely admit there were times I wanted to smack him upside the head and tell him to take responsibility for his own life!) Ved is skilfully portrayed as a man crumbling under the weight of expectation whose life is slowly spiralling out of control, and his indecision, while incredibly frustrating, is – given his upbringing and deeply ingrained cultural mindset – understandable. And while Ved’s romance with Carlos – and his friendship with Disha – are important parts of the story, the book is as much about his personal growth and at last finding himself and the courage to choose happiness as it is about him finding love.
I had a few niggles along the way though. Firstly, I was surprised that Ved took Carlos back home for ‘sleepovers’ (there are no sex scenes, it’s all fade-to-black) to the apartment he shares with his father, and I found it hard to believe that Carlos never once googled Ved, who is, after all, a well-known figure in the business community. But I loved the way the city of Mumbai comes so vibrantly to life; its traditions and food and culture are wonderfully and vividly described. The ending is maybe a bit cheesy, but I didn’t mind it – after waiting so long for Ved to find happiness, it was still worth the wait!
Ariyam Kassam appears to be relatively new to the world of audiobook narration, but he delivers a wonderfully assured and enjoyable performance that really brings the characters and story to life. He employs a variety of tone, accent and timbre to provide distinct and appropriate voices for all the characters and differentiates skilfully between them, and he does a great job when bringing out the humour and emotions in the story. Mr. Kassam’s female voices are great, too – his portrayal of Dolly is hilarious and I loved the way he voices Disha, with a kind of hybrid American/Indian accent. Talking of accents, the American one he uses for Carlos is flawless and his ability to switch seamlessly from one accent to another is impressive. It’s a terrific performance that contributed considerably to my enjoyment of the listening experience.
The publisher’s blurb labels The Other Man a “rom com”, but I disagree; rather, it’s a contemporary romance with moments of humour and light-heartedness which also tackles some serious themes. It’s a thought-provoking story full of warmth and charm, the narration is excellent, and I’m happy to recommend it.
This review originally appeared at AudioGals.
November 3, 2021
2.5 stars
It was slow and heavy on the monologue. It was unique in that it was set in India and addressed various cultural and societal issues being gay there brings. I wanted to love it but didn’t really click with the writing style. If you’re looking for something different you should check it out. Most reviews are higher rated than mine (so it could be a me issue, not a book issue) and it’s on KU
It was slow and heavy on the monologue. It was unique in that it was set in India and addressed various cultural and societal issues being gay there brings. I wanted to love it but didn’t really click with the writing style. If you’re looking for something different you should check it out. Most reviews are higher rated than mine (so it could be a me issue, not a book issue) and it’s on KU
October 26, 2021
the part where lady gaga showed up to sing at disha's wedding was wild (& having typed that out, i realise it sounds fake but. i wish!)
reasons u may want to read (& an author interview)
Rep: Indian gay mc, Brazilian American gay li, Indian cast & setting
CWs: mentions of homophobia, mentions of past domestic abuse
reasons u may want to read (& an author interview)
Rep: Indian gay mc, Brazilian American gay li, Indian cast & setting
CWs: mentions of homophobia, mentions of past domestic abuse
June 18, 2022
A gay romance set in Mumbai! I've been searching for mm books set outside the English-speaking sphere, and outside China, because I'm curious about how gay men live in those parts of the world, and so few books written about them are available in English. This book just answers my need.
I enjoyed the book and the stormy love story of the two MCs - one Indian, the heir of a multi-millionnaire family, and one a Latin American man travelling to India on business. Through their eyes, we can see India in its different colors - beautiful yet chaotic, mesmerizing yet forbidding, welcoming yet exclusive. The Indian society, though fast modernizing, is still encumbered by its long-standing heritage and beliefs, against which the MCs must overcome, and make sacrifices to be together
I kinda don't like the ending, though. It's a happy ending, which is great, but at the same time, it's an easy way out. After all the obstacles, and considering the Indian MC's history, the final solution just felt too easy and unrealistic to me.
I enjoyed the book and the stormy love story of the two MCs - one Indian, the heir of a multi-millionnaire family, and one a Latin American man travelling to India on business. Through their eyes, we can see India in its different colors - beautiful yet chaotic, mesmerizing yet forbidding, welcoming yet exclusive. The Indian society, though fast modernizing, is still encumbered by its long-standing heritage and beliefs, against which the MCs must overcome, and make sacrifices to be together
I kinda don't like the ending, though. It's a happy ending, which is great, but at the same time, it's an easy way out. After all the obstacles, and considering the Indian MC's history, the final solution just felt too easy and unrealistic to me.
November 6, 2021
If I finish a book and immediately hug it, that's a solid 5 star read! I fell for this cover immediately, it's beautiful and eye catching. The story inside is just as wonderful. I'm so sad I'm finished reading this one.
The Other Man is a heartwarming LGBTQIA+ contemporary romance. The main character, thirty-eight year old Ved Mehra is a closeted gay man. His mother continues to pressure him about marriage and grandkids ... and Ved, unable to come out to his family finally caves. So, there he is engaged to a woman when in walks a gorgeous man who sets his heart on fire. In the meantime wedding preparations are underway and Ved has a whole lot of secrets, and eventually, people to answer to.
Some of Veds decisions drove me crazy but I just kept thinking to myself, it's easy to be outside of his situation looking in. I can't imagine being in his shoes.
Huge thank you to Megan Beatie Communications and Lake Union Publishing for my gifted copy!
The Other Man is a heartwarming LGBTQIA+ contemporary romance. The main character, thirty-eight year old Ved Mehra is a closeted gay man. His mother continues to pressure him about marriage and grandkids ... and Ved, unable to come out to his family finally caves. So, there he is engaged to a woman when in walks a gorgeous man who sets his heart on fire. In the meantime wedding preparations are underway and Ved has a whole lot of secrets, and eventually, people to answer to.
Some of Veds decisions drove me crazy but I just kept thinking to myself, it's easy to be outside of his situation looking in. I can't imagine being in his shoes.
Huge thank you to Megan Beatie Communications and Lake Union Publishing for my gifted copy!
July 3, 2022
I love getting M/M romances set outside the usual Western English-speaking nations. This, which takes place in India, is driven pretty heavily by family, expectations, and homophobia (beginning as it does prior to the decriminalization of gay sex in India in 2018.)
Ved is a man who has been trapped all his life. He was in love once, but in that time and place, could not be open about who he loved. And the pressures from family to marry were too much for his boyfriend, who dumped Ved to get engaged and marry a woman. Ved has been very alone since then, occasionally hooking up with someone anonymously, but guarding his heart.
As much as he hates the way his boyfriend dumped him, he understands it too. Because his own mother has been trotting out pretty girls for him to meet for a decade, and he's got the feeling he can't keep finding something wrong with them forever. He too may cave in to expectations and make himself miserable for life.
And then, at almost the same time, he meets an American man who reminds him that there is the potential for joy in gay relationships, and he meets a woman his mother set him up with who is actually fun, a good match, and impossible to dislike.
Suddenly Ved is in a new kind of trap. He's lying left and right to people he cares about, and instead of a solitary nearly-monastic existence, possibilities are opening up. The problem is, he can't have them all, and whatever he decides to do, the fallout is likely to be very painful.
Ved doesn't always do the right thing. He's human, and flawed, and makes bad choices and hurts people. But as I read, I was also very aware of the kind of pressures that pushed him into that trap. I didn't adore him, but I did empathize with him. The book does have an HEA, and through the story it has a lot of flavor and color from its setting. Worth a read if you enjoy something with a different cultural flavor.
Ved is a man who has been trapped all his life. He was in love once, but in that time and place, could not be open about who he loved. And the pressures from family to marry were too much for his boyfriend, who dumped Ved to get engaged and marry a woman. Ved has been very alone since then, occasionally hooking up with someone anonymously, but guarding his heart.
As much as he hates the way his boyfriend dumped him, he understands it too. Because his own mother has been trotting out pretty girls for him to meet for a decade, and he's got the feeling he can't keep finding something wrong with them forever. He too may cave in to expectations and make himself miserable for life.
And then, at almost the same time, he meets an American man who reminds him that there is the potential for joy in gay relationships, and he meets a woman his mother set him up with who is actually fun, a good match, and impossible to dislike.
Suddenly Ved is in a new kind of trap. He's lying left and right to people he cares about, and instead of a solitary nearly-monastic existence, possibilities are opening up. The problem is, he can't have them all, and whatever he decides to do, the fallout is likely to be very painful.
Ved doesn't always do the right thing. He's human, and flawed, and makes bad choices and hurts people. But as I read, I was also very aware of the kind of pressures that pushed him into that trap. I didn't adore him, but I did empathize with him. The book does have an HEA, and through the story it has a lot of flavor and color from its setting. Worth a read if you enjoy something with a different cultural flavor.
July 14, 2021
Ved Mehra is handsome, heir to a multi million dollar company, and lives a dream life. Ved's mom has made it her mission to get him married to a girl with just as much money and status so he can expand his business and give her grandchildren. Only problem? Ved is gay. Aside from the fact that homosexuality is illegal in India, he is terrified of coming out to his parents and disappointing them. After a rough break up, he has given up on relationships. His mom introduces him to Disha, and before he knows it, he is engaged. He almost resigns himself to his fate, until he meets Carlos and falls head over heels for him..
What will he do now?
I really enjoyed this book. Ved was a bit annoying at times, but all the other characters made up for that. Carlos, Disha, and Ved's parents were the best characters and really made the story interesting. Having never read any LGBTQ fiction before, I wasn't sure how I would like it. It was a great story and well written. I'm looking forward to more by this author.
Thanks to Netgalley and Lake Union Publishing for the ARC of this book.
What will he do now?
I really enjoyed this book. Ved was a bit annoying at times, but all the other characters made up for that. Carlos, Disha, and Ved's parents were the best characters and really made the story interesting. Having never read any LGBTQ fiction before, I wasn't sure how I would like it. It was a great story and well written. I'm looking forward to more by this author.
Thanks to Netgalley and Lake Union Publishing for the ARC of this book.
December 15, 2021
I continued with this book when I would normally have DNF'd just because of the rare-for-an-m/m setting. I don't regret it at all, but if you wouldn't consider that a good reason to stick with something that's a very frustrating read in other ways, then I wouldn't recommend it.
August 9, 2022
I absolutely loved this story it is very romantic. Love is fabulous and should bring happiness as it does in this really believable story. I loved the trust they found later. A wonderful heart warming story. Fabulous.
June 22, 2022
2.5 rounded up.
The Other Man is hard to rate because I'm not the intended audience. (Not that I am the intended audience of 95% of m/m romance books, oops who said that?) It's very much a coming-of-age/coming-out story, with 38-year-old gay Ved finally agreeing to get engaged to a woman right when he meets the man he thinks might be The One. The storyline and even the writing itself reads very dated to me, like the book came out a decade - or more - ago, or like I stumbled across it on CRVBoy or gayauthors circa 2005. There are a couple reasons why I think this, but the primary one is that it takes place in contemporary India. Attitudes toward homosexuality/queerness are not the same everywhere in the world, and in many cases seem very dated to western eyes. I say this as someone who spent a decade in a non-western country and whose scholarly research deals with this stuff.
What I appreciate about this book is that it is very, very gay. The protagonist goes to orgies and cruises in gyms, meets people on dating apps and struggles with fulfilling his own happiness as opposed to that of his family. I think the reason why this is so successful is due to the author's own identity as a cisgender gay Indian man. Considering how the bulk of m/m romance is written by cisgender, heterosexual white women (and yes I am aware there are many exceptions), this book serves as an interesting point of comparison. Where this book fails is, unfortunately, in the writing. It's honestly pretty bland, does more telling than showing, and spends way too much time in the protagonist's head - and some comments regarding women also read as very dated (yet are probably tied to cultural issues with which I have no experience).
I realize that I've kind of danced around my actual opinion of this book, so here it is: I don't really like it. That being said, I am presumably not the intended audience, so it doesn't really matter. I'm glad that the book exists and I hope the author writes more - but hopefully he'll be a little nicer towards the women in his books in the future.
The Other Man is hard to rate because I'm not the intended audience. (Not that I am the intended audience of 95% of m/m romance books, oops who said that?) It's very much a coming-of-age/coming-out story, with 38-year-old gay Ved finally agreeing to get engaged to a woman right when he meets the man he thinks might be The One. The storyline and even the writing itself reads very dated to me, like the book came out a decade - or more - ago, or like I stumbled across it on CRVBoy or gayauthors circa 2005. There are a couple reasons why I think this, but the primary one is that it takes place in contemporary India. Attitudes toward homosexuality/queerness are not the same everywhere in the world, and in many cases seem very dated to western eyes. I say this as someone who spent a decade in a non-western country and whose scholarly research deals with this stuff.
What I appreciate about this book is that it is very, very gay. The protagonist goes to orgies and cruises in gyms, meets people on dating apps and struggles with fulfilling his own happiness as opposed to that of his family. I think the reason why this is so successful is due to the author's own identity as a cisgender gay Indian man. Considering how the bulk of m/m romance is written by cisgender, heterosexual white women (and yes I am aware there are many exceptions), this book serves as an interesting point of comparison. Where this book fails is, unfortunately, in the writing. It's honestly pretty bland, does more telling than showing, and spends way too much time in the protagonist's head - and some comments regarding women also read as very dated (yet are probably tied to cultural issues with which I have no experience).
I realize that I've kind of danced around my actual opinion of this book, so here it is: I don't really like it. That being said, I am presumably not the intended audience, so it doesn't really matter. I'm glad that the book exists and I hope the author writes more - but hopefully he'll be a little nicer towards the women in his books in the future.
October 6, 2021
DRC provided by Lake Union Publishing via NetGalley in exchange for an honest review.
Representation: gay Indian protagonist, gay Brazilian secondary character, Indian secondary and tertiary characters.
Content Warning: overworking, drugs, mentions of fatphobia, body issues, anxiety, mentions of spousal abuse, alcohol, mention of death, mentions of bullying.
The Other Man by Farhad J. Dadyburjor is a contemporary novel about love, both familial and romantic, about living one’s truth in spite of adversities and the expectations of others, and the weight of lying; set around the time of the repealing of section 377 from the Indian Penal Code, which criminalised homosexuality.
Almost forty, Ved Mehra is a closeted gay man living in Mumbai, working in his father’s electronics company, who after the end of a steady affair four year before and the resulting heartbreak decides to only pursue one-night stands. His mother continuous meddling in his love life though forces him to go on dates with women he has no intention of marrying and when he cannot think of a reason to refuse his mother’s latest match, his already troubled life becomes even more difficult. The only bright spot being a friendly stranger on Grindr.
The Other Man was a quick and refreshing reading experience. I loved the fact that Ved was not the clichéd twenty-something that usually star in romantic comedies and that he managed to find love only later in life. I know this was predominantly due to the criminalisation of homosexuality in India, but I still liked reading about this kind of experience in spite of the reasons for it.
The only negative feedback I would give is related to the italicisation of words when there was not emphasis on them. It was a stylistic choice influenced by the fact that people from different cultures would not have been familiar with those words and it sort of irked me.
Another aspect I adored was how important for Ved’s parents was to see him finally happy. His father in particular, but they both were set on doing everything they could to see their son happy. Everything they did was for him (even when inadvertently doing something that would have made him sad) and I loved this so much.
The Other Man is an emotional roller-coaster of a novel that made laugh and cry in tandem with its protagonist, which I absolutely recommend.
Representation: gay Indian protagonist, gay Brazilian secondary character, Indian secondary and tertiary characters.
Content Warning: overworking, drugs, mentions of fatphobia, body issues, anxiety, mentions of spousal abuse, alcohol, mention of death, mentions of bullying.
The Other Man by Farhad J. Dadyburjor is a contemporary novel about love, both familial and romantic, about living one’s truth in spite of adversities and the expectations of others, and the weight of lying; set around the time of the repealing of section 377 from the Indian Penal Code, which criminalised homosexuality.
Almost forty, Ved Mehra is a closeted gay man living in Mumbai, working in his father’s electronics company, who after the end of a steady affair four year before and the resulting heartbreak decides to only pursue one-night stands. His mother continuous meddling in his love life though forces him to go on dates with women he has no intention of marrying and when he cannot think of a reason to refuse his mother’s latest match, his already troubled life becomes even more difficult. The only bright spot being a friendly stranger on Grindr.
The Other Man was a quick and refreshing reading experience. I loved the fact that Ved was not the clichéd twenty-something that usually star in romantic comedies and that he managed to find love only later in life. I know this was predominantly due to the criminalisation of homosexuality in India, but I still liked reading about this kind of experience in spite of the reasons for it.
The only negative feedback I would give is related to the italicisation of words when there was not emphasis on them. It was a stylistic choice influenced by the fact that people from different cultures would not have been familiar with those words and it sort of irked me.
Another aspect I adored was how important for Ved’s parents was to see him finally happy. His father in particular, but they both were set on doing everything they could to see their son happy. Everything they did was for him (even when inadvertently doing something that would have made him sad) and I loved this so much.
The Other Man is an emotional roller-coaster of a novel that made laugh and cry in tandem with its protagonist, which I absolutely recommend.
July 16, 2021
Ved has everything - he's gorgeous, tall, wealthy, successful and he's getting married to Disha - a beautiful and equally as wealthy woman. There's only one problem - his overbearing mother pressured him into this marriage and he's actually gay.
Ved tries to commit himself to following through with his wedding for his family, and even finds Disha to be a wonderful friend, but then he meets Carlos. A handsome American businessman visiting Mumbai for a few weeks who is everything he didn't dare to dream about. Now, instead of getting ready for his own engagement party, Ved is falling in love. And he needs to decide whether he's ready to risk everything for a chance to finally be himself.
The Other Man takes place just before Homosexuality was finally decriminalized in India, where arranged marriages are still commonplace and even enforced in some cultures. So aside from having to worry about what his seemingly traditional family will think, Ved has to worry about actually being persecuted for falling in love.
At the beginning of this story, I didn't think I was going to love Ved - it felt like the first page was full of forced exposition and Ved seemed two-dimensional and stiff. But I was wrong, and happily so! I fell in love with him very quickly, he was highly flawed and made bad decisions, he didn't know how to take a break, he upset other people and himself, but ultimately he always tried to be there for the people he cared about. The other characters were wonderfully written and vibrant, especially Disha and Carlos.
This book was full of heart and warmth, with tonnes of charm. Brimming with utterly adorable romance, it definitely bordered on cheesy at times but it worked so well. Far too easy to read in one sitting and I will definitely be waiting to see what Dadyburjor does next.
Thank you to Farhad J Dadyburjor, Lake Union and Netgalley for this ARC in return for an honest review.
Ved tries to commit himself to following through with his wedding for his family, and even finds Disha to be a wonderful friend, but then he meets Carlos. A handsome American businessman visiting Mumbai for a few weeks who is everything he didn't dare to dream about. Now, instead of getting ready for his own engagement party, Ved is falling in love. And he needs to decide whether he's ready to risk everything for a chance to finally be himself.
The Other Man takes place just before Homosexuality was finally decriminalized in India, where arranged marriages are still commonplace and even enforced in some cultures. So aside from having to worry about what his seemingly traditional family will think, Ved has to worry about actually being persecuted for falling in love.
At the beginning of this story, I didn't think I was going to love Ved - it felt like the first page was full of forced exposition and Ved seemed two-dimensional and stiff. But I was wrong, and happily so! I fell in love with him very quickly, he was highly flawed and made bad decisions, he didn't know how to take a break, he upset other people and himself, but ultimately he always tried to be there for the people he cared about. The other characters were wonderfully written and vibrant, especially Disha and Carlos.
This book was full of heart and warmth, with tonnes of charm. Brimming with utterly adorable romance, it definitely bordered on cheesy at times but it worked so well. Far too easy to read in one sitting and I will definitely be waiting to see what Dadyburjor does next.
Thank you to Farhad J Dadyburjor, Lake Union and Netgalley for this ARC in return for an honest review.
May 25, 2021
Thank you to Netgalley and Lake Union Publishing for the ARC in exchange for my honest review.
This was a high stakes queer romance, given that their relationship was both illegal and would feel like Ved was betraying his parents and what they wanted for them. It sucked that he was lying to everyone, continuing to date Carlos while going forward with wedding preparations with his fiancée Disha - who is AMAZING - sweet, clever, and a great friend, but not an amazing choice in a life partner for Ved, given he won't love her the way she deserves and he can't even handle the idea of kissing her. The end was a little shaky for me as it felt like it both dragged in the falling action and then wrapped up too quickly in the resolution. But overall, an interesting read, and definitely an author I'd want to read more of.
This was a high stakes queer romance, given that their relationship was both illegal and would feel like Ved was betraying his parents and what they wanted for them. It sucked that he was lying to everyone, continuing to date Carlos while going forward with wedding preparations with his fiancée Disha - who is AMAZING - sweet, clever, and a great friend, but not an amazing choice in a life partner for Ved, given he won't love her the way she deserves and he can't even handle the idea of kissing her. The end was a little shaky for me as it felt like it both dragged in the falling action and then wrapped up too quickly in the resolution. But overall, an interesting read, and definitely an author I'd want to read more of.
April 21, 2022
3.5 Stars……heartwarming and easy read.
This book is following a story of a queer confused love in a conservative community, which i’ve never read a similar subject before, however, it was more a self-find journey for the main character than a romance story.
The short chapter’s writing style was very interesting and made the book fast-paced, which i liked it alot.
The sensitive subject in such a setting, was handled in an easygoing way that makes the book more enjoyable, however, it was lacking more expected community challenges.
The things that puts me off a little, was for sure the cheesiness in the short-term romance and the pick-up lines (I didn’t mind the cheesy ending that much). And the other thing was that some secondary characters were FLAT, and some of there reactions were “too perfect”.
Overall, it was a good enjoyable read after a dark book, and what helped me enjoy it to this limit, that there was no expectations going in.
Recommended.
This book is following a story of a queer confused love in a conservative community, which i’ve never read a similar subject before, however, it was more a self-find journey for the main character than a romance story.
The short chapter’s writing style was very interesting and made the book fast-paced, which i liked it alot.
The sensitive subject in such a setting, was handled in an easygoing way that makes the book more enjoyable, however, it was lacking more expected community challenges.
The things that puts me off a little, was for sure the cheesiness in the short-term romance and the pick-up lines (I didn’t mind the cheesy ending that much). And the other thing was that some secondary characters were FLAT, and some of there reactions were “too perfect”.
Overall, it was a good enjoyable read after a dark book, and what helped me enjoy it to this limit, that there was no expectations going in.
Recommended.
June 19, 2022
I'd like to start by saying that I although I actually did not much like this book, I feel it's topic of being gay in India, with societal and familial pressures is so important that even if the book had some flaws, those flaws should not stop you from reading it. It's important that the challenges of being gay in India are known by everyone for the same reason it's important for the challenges of any minority group to be known: it builds empathy and promotes change.
That said, the book does indeed have flaws.
1) The main character Ved is rich, his family is rich. Basically upper class, like less than 5% of India upper class. This skews his life experience in many ways from how long he was able to hold off becoming engaged to his outlets for stress and physical needs. The vast majority of gay Indians have things much harder and are left with far fewer options than Ved had as a closeted gay man.
2) All the characters, especially Ved, seem one-dimensional and shallow. While the story does mention that Ved was bullied and a past lover hurt him, the level of despair and emotional damage he seems to carry comes across as greater than one would expect. That damage seemingly causes him to not handle stress at all, pushes him to addictive and risky behaviors, and puts him in a place where he cannot act in his own best interests let alone his new boyfriend's interests or the interests of the person he's pressured to marry until things explode. He's 38 but many of his actions and choices seem like those of a teenager or someone in their early to mid-20s.
3) I agree with others who say that the coming out aspect of the story had an incredibly slow burn, with numerous freak outs, self-doubtings, breakdowns, lies, and self-inflicted guilt trips along the way. Too many, really. Those become the real drama of the book, the only real conflict, and because there's only so much one can do with this type of conflict, mainly because it's internal for the main character, it grew tiresome and mostly led me to just want to shake Ved. Don't get me wrong. I know coming out is hard, and I cannot even imagine doing that when you could be disowned, even arrested, beaten, even killed if things turned very grim. But, given the family Ved was in, his personal circumstances, such physical repercussions seemed unlikely. His parents both loved him and cared for him. His parents were like angels all things considered. His turmoil was self inflicted. Which doesn't make it all less genuine, but when you have to read page after page of the main character freaking out inside his own head, while continuing to make bad choice after bad choice, it gets tiresome.
4) The book needed a firmer edit, in my opinion. There were actual errors like when one character says his mother died when he was a teenager and then a few paragraphs later, the same character says his mother has come to grips with him being gay and is supportive "to this day." There are some improbable aspects like Ved thinking people will think he is insane for walking along the road in Mumbai. Millions of people walk along the roads all across India. I get that it's an experience a rich person like Ved may not have had but he surely would have seen people walking along the roads as he traversed to and from office, gym, etc. A good edit may have whittled down some of the internal freaking out to a more manageable and tolerable level. And a good edit may have fixed the time issues I experienced. In the beginning, the flashbacks were a challenge because you were in Ved's memories and the abruptly back in the present day without a segue, verb tense change, or even a line break in almost all cases. Later, it became hard to believe what all these people did in a single day. Planning engagement parties, clothes fittings, dinners, lunches, coffee breaks, sightseeing, clubbing, sex, and don't forget the hours of internal freaking out. By the time the real resolution took place, I was quite shocked that Ved and the boyfriend had only spent 2 weeks together. It felt like months. Even within the present day parts of the story, time seemed both fluid and elusive. Ved regularly got up by 6 AM and then worked and spent time with the boyfriend, fiance, family, work, gym etc. until well past midnight almost every day. This guy barely slept. Then there was the fact that he and the boyfriend seemed able to skip out on work at any hour most of the time. I get that Ved was rich and practically owned the company, but he had tasks, responsibilities at the office. And the boyfriend would also be getting up by 6 AM and somehow sightseeing at that hour. I live in India. . .except for temples, not many sightseeing places open before 9 or 10 AM! How was he seeing 2-3 sightseeing places before 10 AM? Then he would also go to work, then skip off to meet Ved, more sightseeing, clubbing etc. How did they manage to do so little work and still get paid or not get into trouble?
I confess, I spent at least an hour in total rolling my eyes while reading this book, and saying "what?""really?" and "oh, pleaaaassse!!!" There were times when I really wanted to just give it up. But, like I said, it's theme is important. The challenges it outlined, though drawn out and semi less believable for rich Ved, are important to bear witness to. And I feel for tens of thousands of LGBTQ+ people who are still "closeted" but really wishing they could come out, live freely and authentically, be accepted and even celebrated, but who stay closeted for fear of family and society repercussions, this was an important story.
#HappyPride!
That said, the book does indeed have flaws.
1) The main character Ved is rich, his family is rich. Basically upper class, like less than 5% of India upper class. This skews his life experience in many ways from how long he was able to hold off becoming engaged to his outlets for stress and physical needs. The vast majority of gay Indians have things much harder and are left with far fewer options than Ved had as a closeted gay man.
2) All the characters, especially Ved, seem one-dimensional and shallow. While the story does mention that Ved was bullied and a past lover hurt him, the level of despair and emotional damage he seems to carry comes across as greater than one would expect. That damage seemingly causes him to not handle stress at all, pushes him to addictive and risky behaviors, and puts him in a place where he cannot act in his own best interests let alone his new boyfriend's interests or the interests of the person he's pressured to marry until things explode. He's 38 but many of his actions and choices seem like those of a teenager or someone in their early to mid-20s.
3) I agree with others who say that the coming out aspect of the story had an incredibly slow burn, with numerous freak outs, self-doubtings, breakdowns, lies, and self-inflicted guilt trips along the way. Too many, really. Those become the real drama of the book, the only real conflict, and because there's only so much one can do with this type of conflict, mainly because it's internal for the main character, it grew tiresome and mostly led me to just want to shake Ved. Don't get me wrong. I know coming out is hard, and I cannot even imagine doing that when you could be disowned, even arrested, beaten, even killed if things turned very grim. But, given the family Ved was in, his personal circumstances, such physical repercussions seemed unlikely. His parents both loved him and cared for him. His parents were like angels all things considered. His turmoil was self inflicted. Which doesn't make it all less genuine, but when you have to read page after page of the main character freaking out inside his own head, while continuing to make bad choice after bad choice, it gets tiresome.
4) The book needed a firmer edit, in my opinion. There were actual errors like when one character says his mother died when he was a teenager and then a few paragraphs later, the same character says his mother has come to grips with him being gay and is supportive "to this day." There are some improbable aspects like Ved thinking people will think he is insane for walking along the road in Mumbai. Millions of people walk along the roads all across India. I get that it's an experience a rich person like Ved may not have had but he surely would have seen people walking along the roads as he traversed to and from office, gym, etc. A good edit may have whittled down some of the internal freaking out to a more manageable and tolerable level. And a good edit may have fixed the time issues I experienced. In the beginning, the flashbacks were a challenge because you were in Ved's memories and the abruptly back in the present day without a segue, verb tense change, or even a line break in almost all cases. Later, it became hard to believe what all these people did in a single day. Planning engagement parties, clothes fittings, dinners, lunches, coffee breaks, sightseeing, clubbing, sex, and don't forget the hours of internal freaking out. By the time the real resolution took place, I was quite shocked that Ved and the boyfriend had only spent 2 weeks together. It felt like months. Even within the present day parts of the story, time seemed both fluid and elusive. Ved regularly got up by 6 AM and then worked and spent time with the boyfriend, fiance, family, work, gym etc. until well past midnight almost every day. This guy barely slept. Then there was the fact that he and the boyfriend seemed able to skip out on work at any hour most of the time. I get that Ved was rich and practically owned the company, but he had tasks, responsibilities at the office. And the boyfriend would also be getting up by 6 AM and somehow sightseeing at that hour. I live in India. . .except for temples, not many sightseeing places open before 9 or 10 AM! How was he seeing 2-3 sightseeing places before 10 AM? Then he would also go to work, then skip off to meet Ved, more sightseeing, clubbing etc. How did they manage to do so little work and still get paid or not get into trouble?
I confess, I spent at least an hour in total rolling my eyes while reading this book, and saying "what?""really?" and "oh, pleaaaassse!!!" There were times when I really wanted to just give it up. But, like I said, it's theme is important. The challenges it outlined, though drawn out and semi less believable for rich Ved, are important to bear witness to. And I feel for tens of thousands of LGBTQ+ people who are still "closeted" but really wishing they could come out, live freely and authentically, be accepted and even celebrated, but who stay closeted for fear of family and society repercussions, this was an important story.
#HappyPride!
May 7, 2023
There will be those who will accuse the MC as lacking in backbone or self-agency. Others might accuse him of self-serving duplicity. Coming from a non-Anglo background/ancestry, overlaid with punitive religio-cultural bias/prejudice toward LGBTIQ folk - I 'got' some of Ved's stresses, his desire to not wanting to 'shake his family boat', his desperate attempts to find emotional connection and love. The final outcome seemed a little 'fairy-tale'-like but was not outright unrealistic/outlandish. The best things about the read were the secondary characters ... Ved's parents (Dolly needs to win best-supporting actor IMO), Disha, his father's house-keeper, Ved's personal assistant - they were all sympathetically drawn. 4.5 stars.
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