Surfing the Waves of Alzheimer's: Principles of Caregiving That Kept Me Upright

by Renée Brown Harmon

A compassionate memoir of younger-onset Alzheimer’s disease with thoughtful guidelines for caregivers. On a family vacation in 2009, Dr. Renée Brown Harmon felt the first jolt of fear that something might be wrong. How could her husband, Harvey, a highly intelligent physician, marathon runner, and devoted father, be struggling to keep up with their guide’s simple instructions or unable to do simple math to calculate their daughter’s age? The heartbreaking truth was confirmed nine months later when he was diagnosed with younger-onset Alzheimer’s disease at age fifty. Soon after, Harmon felt she had no choice but to inform the state medical board that it was no longer safe for her husband to see patients in their shared practice. Suddenly forced to manage both the family and business they’d built together, she stayed afloat by leaning on friends, family, and her faith through Harvey’s illness. Part personal story, part instructional guide for caregivers, Surfing the Waves of Alzheimer’s is an essential primer for anyone facing the tremendous challenge of caring for a loved one with memory loss. Each chapter ends with a different principle of caregiving and offers readers suggested best practices to bring greater balance to the role of family caregiver. Drawing upon principles of compassionate caregiving—from her own experience caring for her husband and her nearly thirty years as a family practice doctor—Harmon offers a uniquely clear-eyed account of how this disease manifests itself and shares her feelings of loss and heartbreak with honesty, grit, and grace.

199 pages, Paperback

Published September 7, 2020

Reviews

[Brett Harmon Wisse · Rating 5 out of 5]

An honest and thoughtful reflection on caregiving, told through story and lessons learned. An engaging read and useful handbook for caregivers and really anyone affected by Alzheimer’s. Highly recommend.

[Alex · Rating 5 out of 5]

Such an amazing and heartfelt memoir. I thoroughly enjoyed experiencing the story so eloquently told from Dr. Renee’s perspective. I was able to laugh, cry, grieve and learn with the author as she recounted her experience with her husband and his Younger-Onset Alzheimer’s.

In addition to being an incredible story, it is also a very helpful resource for someone who is caring for a loved one with Alzheimer’s or Dementia. I look forward to sharing this book with my own friends, family and patients, in hopes that they will not only find solidarity but also practical steps to take throughout the disease process. Renee offers thoughtful, feasible advice to those who are caring for someone with this terrible disease.

[Michael Chappell · Rating 5 out of 5]

Whet a gift Renee Brown Harmon has given not only those dealing with Alzheimer’s disease as a spouse, child, parent, friend or caregiver but to the community as a whole.
This book will be a companion to those aforementioned teams of people directly dealing with the disease and it will be insightful and educational to those on the periphery.
I was touched by her honest, forthright commentary on the day to day struggles she and her team faced. I think the way in which she’s crafted her book is incredibly helpful and resourceful to those involved in these struggles.
As a family member who has lost relatives to the disease and it’s complications, and most recently a dear friend with early onset Alzheimer’s much like the subject of this book, I wish I’d had it earlier. We’re lucky to have this one.

[Daniel Potts · Rating 5 out of 5]

In Surfing the Waves of Alzheimer's, author, Dr. Renée Brown Harmon, MD has given readers a rare gift: vision. A gifted, seasoned family physician, Dr. Harmon had spent years honing those skills which are so important in our profession—among them, observation, listening, synthesis, compassion, empathy—skills she would be called to employ as her own husband and partner in medical practice, Dr. Harvey Harmon, was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s disease at age 50. She’d had the courage to look into thousands of suffering faces in her career. But her own husband’s? Those of her children? Her in-laws? Her own? What had she observed? What did she learn about herself? How did she fulfill her roles as spouse, business partner, parent, daughter-in-law, physician, citizen and advocate, having seen the pain and confusion in front of her? In this uniquely powerful book, Dr. Harmon shares her rare vision as a physician care partner, the story of her beloved Harvey, and how she learned to surf the fearsome, unpredictable waves of Alzheimer’s. Readers will be deeply moved through the gift of seeing through Dr. Harmon’s eyes.
—Daniel C. Potts, MD, FAAN
Neurologist and Advocate for persons living with dementia and care partners

[Karen Ng · Rating 4 out of 5]

It was a book recommended by a reader friend, and she was right. This was an enjoyable read.
4.5 as a memoir
4 on subject matter due to the author's background in medicine and her writing style. But this is not a very useful book for other families or caretakers going through the same.There was way too much self praise and not enough general guidelines for caretakers without her medicine knowledge and skills.

[Diana Donnelly · Rating 4 out of 5]

This was a difficult book to read but dementia has hit close to home and I wanted to educate myself some. Can only express the respect I have for Renee as she dealt with this while raising two teenage daughters. He was only 50 when he was diagnosed with early onset Alzheimer's disease and he was practicing medicine with his wife. Her dealings with everything and how she handled it was truly amazing.

[Billy Buttons · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book was entered in The Wishing Shelf Book Awards. This is what our readers thought:
Title: Surfing the Waves of Alzheimer's: Principles of Caregiving That Kept Me Upright
Author: Renée Brown Harmon, MD

Star Rating: 5 Stars
Number of Readers: 17
Stats
Editing: 9/10
Writing Style: 9/10
Content: 10/10
Cover: 10/10
Of the 17 readers:
17 would read another book by this author.
17 thought the cover was good or excellent.
16 felt it was easy to follow.
17 would recommend this book to another reader to try.
Of all the readers, 7 felt the author’s strongest skill was ‘subject knowledge’.
Of all the readers, 5 felt the author’s strongest skill was ‘writing style’.
Of all the readers, 5 felt the author’s strongest skill was ‘clarity of message’.
16 felt the pacing was good or excellent.
16 thought the author understood the readership and what they wanted.

Readers’ Comments
‘Although this is a sad story, it’s also a compelling and educational read too. I thought the author was very brave to not only describe her personal story but also try to help other caregivers. A selfless act.” Male reader, aged 43
‘My wife also suffers from Alzheimer's so I understand many of the authors thoughts and feelings. I also thought the tips she offered were well thought-out and helpful. She should be very proud of this book and the help it offers to other sufferers and the family of sufferers.” Male reader, aged 70
“I recommend this book to anybody who's about to start a journey into Alzheimer's and/or caring for a person with Alzheimer's. It's accessibly written, easy to follow, and packed full of helpful advice.” Female reader, aged 65

To Sum It Up:
‘A compelling insight into living with Alzheimer's plus thoughtful help for caregivers. A FINALIST and highly recommended!’ The Wishing Shelf Book Awards

[Dehryl A · Rating 5 out of 5]

This unique style of memoir engages the reader. Reading Dr. Harmon's story, I felt as though I were on the journey with her. Like most well-written memoirs, her story will surely resonate with care givers making their way through a loved one's dementia challenge. In this way, her story can help others feel less alone.
This book goes beyond the typical memoir, though, because it is a teaching memoir. While it shares the author's trials, it then also offers specific practices to help caregivers who might be having similar experiences.
As a psychologist, I see this book as providing much needed support to a challenged and often under-supported group: Caregivers. The American Psychological Association's research evinces that without appropriate support, caregivers are at much increased risk for depression, anxiety, burnout and even significant physical problems. Dr. Harmon's strategies are not the rote kind of suggestions for self-care. Rather, she guides caregivers to construct new narratives in their lives to honor the past as well as re-imagine the future. She informs readers about specific ways they can broaden their own support network. She demonstrates how to increase compassion not only for the loved one with dementia but also for the caregiver themselves. Extra support for caregivers is much needed. Caregivers will find Dr. Harmon to be a warm guide through the rocky seas to find that. Dehryl Mason, PhD

[LINDA S. SARTOR · Rating 4 out of 5]

Practical and Heartfelt Presentation

A poignant history of their Alzheimer's journey. She addressed the emotional pain very well and did not sugar-coat the physical problems that presented. However, the actions the author took to deal with her husband's illness were possible due to her profession and financial status. A person of lesser means would not have the option of hiring so many people to assist her or to move her husband to so many facilities. The statement at the beginning describing Alzheimer's is very accurate. No journey is the same as another. Only the eventual outcome is constant. It is death by inches.

[Meredith Wicktom · Rating 5 out of 5]

Dr. Harmon shares the incredibly beautiful but heartbreaking story of her marriage to her husband and her experience as his caretaker when he is diagnosed with early onset Alzheimer’s. Dr. Harmon shares the complexities of her feelings and experiences while also educating readers about the reality of Alzheimer’s. 12/10 everyone read this book!!! absolutely devastating story, but Dr. Harmon’s perspective and outlook is absolutely inspiring! truly shows the power of family and supportive relationships and how these relationships are such a protective factor during such a time of grief and stress.

[Debbie · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book was written by a friend of a friend so I was curious to read it. I guess I know a lot about Alzheimer's already since there wasn't anything surprising to me in the author's story. I thought there was so much good information provided in a very accessible way. Through the author's experience many people can learn a lot about what to expect when there is an Alzheimer's diagnosis. Although every family's particulars will be different the advice offered will be helpful to all.

[Luna Anderson · Rating 5 out of 5]

Surfing the Waves of Alzheimer's" is a beautifully written, heart-wrenching, and uplifting story of love and resilience. Dr. Renée Brown Harmon's unique perspective as a caregiver and physician offers invaluable insights and practical advice for those caring for loved ones with memory loss. Her honesty and vulnerability are inspiring, making this book a must-read for anyone walking this difficult path.

[berman · Rating 2 out of 5]

Disappointing

I was hoping for more information on how to communicate on a daily basis. My husband has Alzheimer's and I need some guidance. Also this author was lucky to have so many friends to help her. I am 75 and our friends are old and can't help. Also covid has made things even more difficult. I would not recommend this book to anyone.

[Susanne F. · Rating 5 out of 5]

A heart-felt memoir, touching and yet full of lessons for those of us who have friends or family with dementia. I enjoyed reading this book and have already begun recommending it to others in my circle who are dealing with a similar type of situation.

[Jane · Rating 4 out of 5]

Janet Cruthers gave me a paperback copy.
An honest memoir of her 8 year road with her husband who developed early onset at age 50. Had practical to do steps at the end of each short chapter.

[Renee · Rating 5 out of 5]

What an amazing spouse. Their story is fascinating, and her perspective of caring for him was so honest and touching. I had a lump in my throat the whole time.

[Harry Bogle · Rating 5 out of 5]

I read this book from the perspective of a caregiver for my wife who was diagnosed with Early Onset Alzheimer’s close to 6 years ago. The parallels between the book and our own situation pretty much the same, which I expected. The book was very touching, filled with a LOT of love. I chuckled a few times and cried many times. A lot of uplifting moments in a situation that could tear your positivity to pieces many times over. This disease knocks you down time and again, but you have to keep getting up and fighting the battle, even though you know that eventually you will lose the war.

[Cathi Parish · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book, self-described by the author as a teaching memoir, was poignant, uplifting, heartbreaking, and encouraging. I went to college with the author and her husband who developed early-onset Alzheimer's at the age of 50, so sometimes my heart broke even more than it might if they were unknown to the reader.

As a pastor, I read this book to understand how to better love those around me who have the disease. As someone with a family history of dementia and "a gene for it", I also read it to prepare myself for what might come in the future. If I begin to exhibit any of the early signs I will be able to reach out to those around me, with this book in hand, and say READ THIS - YOU'RE GOING TO NEED IT!

Thank you for writing a book that will be helpful to so many in knowing what they may expect. and for those who may deal with a loved one with this group of diseases to be more prepared to love and care for them more compassionately.