The Underwear in My Shoe: My Journey Through IVF, Unfiltered

by Brett Russo

After another call from the fertility clinic reporting negative test results, Brett Russo started to panic. Unrecognizable to herself after countless rounds of unsuccessful IVF, she felt like a failure to herself, a disappointment to her husband, and the only female on Facebook without kids.

At thirty-eight, Brett had a great career and a loving partner. But when they decided to start a family, her success story took a turn. She quickly learned that the answer to when she was having kids wasn’t as simple as she once thought.

In The Underwear in My Shoe , Brett takes you on her journey through IVF, a story of personal struggle and isolation mixed with humor. She shows you that only when she truly lost herself did she discover her inner strength and a sisterhood in the other women going through IVF—discoveries that changed her forever.

Genres: Nonfiction

278 pages, Paperback

Published September 18, 2020

Reviews

[Jacqie Wheeler · Rating 5 out of 5]

We love infertility rep!!!!
I picked up this book after seeing it recommended in an IVF Facebook group I'm in. I'm currently halfway through my first IVF cycle, so this was the perfect time for me to read this book. I absolutely LOVED it and thought it was a fantastic mixture of me laughing and crying. Brett is really funny at writing about the experience, and I could relate to so much! She also was super real about her IVF experience, and I definitely was tearing up at her failed egg retrievals (I just did my first retrieval 2 weeks ago!).
I HIGHLY recommend this book to anyone going through IVF or struggling with infertility. I feel like only those could actually relate to what Brett is talking about, and I also appreciate that this isn't some self help, you-need-to-be-patient-and-count-your-blessings infertility book. Infertility sucks, and it's ok if we are sad.

[Danielle · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book did what I needed it to - it made me laugh, made me cry, and helped me understand what the process of IVF really looks like. It was incredibly brave of Brett to be so raw and open about her experience, and helped me feel better about the journey I'm about to embark on myself.

One of the parts that stuck with me the most, is when Brett switched to Dr. Scott and he told her, "This is not your fault." Those words hit me harder than expected, and I realized then how badly I also needed to hear those words myself. They will stick with me throughout my own journey.

"Listen to me again: this is not your fault."

[Jessica · Rating 5 out of 5]

One of the best books I have read in a long time. It made me laugh and cry but overall made me feel less alone in this crazy journey.

[Amanda Hollister · Rating 5 out of 5]

Brett Russo was able to put thoughts and feelings that I could never articulate for myself into beautifully written lines that will stay with me forever. I feel less alone after reading this book.

[Anusha · Rating 3 out of 5]

this book is so emotionally raw and powerful and I so appreciate this aspect of the book, which added to the depth of the narrative.

However, as hard as I tried to want to enjoy reading this, I felt dismayed at the author's opinions throughout on egg donation. I felt especially disheartened for those who also experienced fertility drugs and cycles for the purpose of egg donation, their stories and sacrifice feeling unacknowledged and added more for comedic purposes in a chapter. while the author does seem to come around on this with a chapter on her friend's experience later, it still left such a bitter taste in my mouth.

the author seemed almost angry at the prospect of egg freezing & seemingly tried to pull it back into a nice box for the "takeaways section". I get that this may have been tangential to the story & in this case perhaps it just isn't the book for me.

I also couldn't help but feel that this narrative was so deeply rooted in financial privilege (charging $22,000 on a credit card?! that's a ridiculously high credit limit!). and a CEO! this doesn't feel relatable. I kept thinking about all of the families who don't have a financial choice about undergoing IVF. I wish their voices were present a bit more throughout the book and in the acknowledgements.

This is the longest review I've written ever (and for the shortest book) and I'm perhaps being more nit picky than makes sense for a narrative piece. This book did an excellent job evoking emotion in me as well and I didn't want it to go forgotten!

[Laura Cholvibul · Rating 5 out of 5]

Such an easy, sometimes funny, and sometimes sad, story of one of the most difficult journeys I’ve been through. This was great support for me in the middle of the process, giving me hope for my future.

[ice coffee bean · Rating 5 out of 5]

For anyone going through infertility or IVF this is a must read , it’s not full of science or clinical terms. Rather this memoir is a reflection of what it’s like to be part of this infertility club , no one asks to be a part of but , regardless, it’s a reality. Brett tells us we are warriors , she makes us feel heard and seen. This book has gotten me through some dark days. Thank you Brett for giving hope through your story. So many times I found myself crying with you or laughing out loud. Thank you , I can’t say it enough. I wish I could give this to every women in my fertility clinic. Please read this if this is you.

[Brittany Wilson · Rating 4 out of 5]

All we do is dance around topics, avoid the taboo topics, and cherry pick what we say out loud. This book skips all that choreography and gets into the real real. In a world of self-help books, I just needed a candid, honest friend to tell me, "yeah, this freaking blows, staying positive and keeping an optimistic outlook does absolutely nothing when it comes to science."

Would've been an instant 5 star from me, but I do wish she would've touched on the elephant in the room that she managed to completely ignore: $ m o n e y $ . I don't think you can say IVF without saying BILLS. We inject ourselves 40+ times in a round, but we also deal with 40+ bills too. Perhaps that wasn't an issue for her, but it would've at least been nice to acknowledge that for most us, we don't have the luxury to just keep spending money on more rounds if the previous one didn't work. Countless phone calls to insurance, grant agencies (which, OMG paid for all my non-covered Ganirelix!!), reimbursement programs, keeping track of receipts... how was none of this even mentioned?

[Rebekah Bridges · Rating 4 out of 5]

To all the people struggling through the treacherous sea of infertility, to all the women who long to see two lines and keep seeing one, to those who smile through the pain of every new pregnancy announcement, every baby shower, every ignorant question, to those with bruised arms from blood tests, to the long waits in doctors' offices and for phone calls with results, to the women braving their fear of needles, this book is for you. To all the men who hold their wives as they cry, accompany them to appointments, administer shots, "do their thing" into a cup, to those who are told there were no sperm, no eggs, who feel there is no hope, to the ones who stubbornly hope anyway, this book is for you. May Brett's story encourage you, uplift you, and make you feel seen and less alone.

[Madeline Hawken · Rating 5 out of 5]

Brett is able to put the unspeakable emotions that is IVF and transform them into words. This book had me laughing, crying, sobbing, (kind of like how IVF does). If you or a loved one, or you know of someone going through IVF- this is a must read!!

[Elizabeth Mcnamara · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book was gifted to me after a failed egg retrieval. I chuckled and cried and overall felt like I wasn’t so alone. I’m grateful to this author for sharing her experience and putting my own thoughts and feelings into her words.

[Amy Adams · Rating 5 out of 5]

For anyone going through IVF or if you know anyone who is. This book is incredible.

[Kimberly Wickham · Rating 5 out of 5]

In a situation where you feel so alone this book makes you realize you aren’t. The thoughts and feelings you think are crazy other people have felt. You are not alone.

[Rebecca Buddenbohn · Rating 5 out of 5]

Loved this book from start to finish! Found myself laughing out loud with tears in my eyes!

Thank you Brett for sharing your story. It will have me being much more sensitive to anyone going through similar struggles.

Loved the message about many ways to become a mother...

[Christie · Rating 5 out of 5]

For anyone who has been or knows someone who is going through infertility treatments, this book is a must-read.

[Mel Karrel · Rating 5 out of 5]

Such a great story!

Loved it all! So real. Such an emotional journey that has the best and happiest ending. Thanks for sharing it!

[Susan Miskewitz · Rating 5 out of 5]

Brett Russo writes an amazing story of her harrowing tale through infertility and IVF treatments.
From the first page you ride the roller coaster that becomes the ups and downs of her life.
You cheer for her on the good days and cry with her on the bad ones.
With her steadfast determination and heartfelt desire she perseveres through endless rounds of disappointment, despair and desperation.
If you have suffered a similar fate you will swear you are reading your own story.
If you haven't; you will be forever grateful that you were not subjected to such a trial and realize how incredibly lucky you are.
Either way, you root for her from the first step through the last hurdle. In the end you come away with a new found appreciation to not take anything for granted and to be thankful for all of life's blessings as you never have before.

[Caitlin Stanton · Rating 4 out of 5]

I blew through this book very quickly. It was nice to read first-hand from someone going through it... it's hard for those around you to understand how isolating and emotionally fraught infertility is, so seeing so many of my thoughts and feelings reflected in this book was affirming and comforting.

One star off for the ending. (Spoilers below)


She eventually has a healthy pregnancy after 5 rounds of IVF. So the book ends on a very positive note, which is fine... it makes sense. But instead of owning it for what it is ("after this hell-hole of needles and uncertainty and disappointments, I finally have my son"), she goes into this kumbaya moment about how the important thing about IVF was how it changed her as a person, taught her about herself, etc etc etc.

Her final paragraph where she watches women walk in and out of the fertility clinic and imagines telling them that it's all going to be ok..... it rings very hollow coming from someone who got to birth their own biological child, talking to women who may never never get a positive outcome from IVF. The author feels like the wrong person to ensure us that it will all be ok.

[Brittany Schultz · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is a must read for those going through or starting ivf. I happen to be secondary infertility so it’s slightly different but I hurt when she hurt and I felt when she felt. Lots of tears and some laughter along the way. I’m at the beginning of my journey and gathering some insight into the path ahead of me was helpful. Of course everyone’s journey will be different. But hearing about some of the meds and things I’ll have to endure gave me a good heads up on what’s ahead. Don’t give up! You got this!!!

As for the author. Her words flow smoothly and you really get to know her and relate with her through her story. I finished this in 3 days. She leaves you wanting more each chapter and wanting to know how her journey ends. I didn’t want to put it down. But of course, life calls.

[Deasy · Rating 5 out of 5]

Sebagai seorang yang sedang berjuang untuk hamil, baca memoir dari Brett ini aku sungguh merasa bersimpati dan relate. Cara dia bercerita bikin sedih tapi juga bikin ketawa. Bahkan di beberapa part aku ikut berkaca-baca baca ups and downs perjalanan perjuangan Brett dan suaminya untuk berhasil hamil.

Lewat buku ini perasaanku tervalidasi, bahwa proses perjuangan untuk mendapatkan buah hati baik secara alami, IUI maupun IVF itu memang melelahkan (mentaly, physicaly, and financialy). So it is okay to be sad and mad.

For everyone who battles with this journey, I hope you never lose hope. “This is not your fault”. You will be okay; everything will be okay.

[Jane Pepin · Rating 5 out of 5]

Honestly this book was given to me to read by a friend of the author. The title mislead me and I was reluctant to read it. Finally, knowing I would see this friend soon, and after a year of more of avoiding reading it, I decided to dive in. And I could not put it down. We struggled to conceive our child and almost used IVF. I understand the agony and loneliness of “being on the outside” and being “happy” for everyone else. This book was a fast read, informative with the right mix of humor and grief. Very good.

[Jenny · Rating 4 out of 5]

The perfect combination of humor and raw openness, Russo bravely recounts her infertility battle and her long IVF process. Russo clearly documents the draining and exhausting process of IVF - the ups and the downs - showcasing the battle that many couples have in silence. As I have started my prenatal genetic counseling work and am working with patients who have done IVF, this has given me much more insight into their process and their story. IVF is certainly a battle and as an IVF baby myself, I felt deeply connected to Brett's story as parts of it echoed aspects of my mom's story.

[Ashley Soriano Lernor · Rating 5 out of 5]

This should be required reading for anyone who has gone through IVF or has a spouse, family member, or friend going through IVF and has not experienced success right away. It's raw and real and not full of anxiety inducing advice (iykyk). I laughed and cried, and I've never felt so validated in my life. Each cry was cathartic. I've thought of writing my story, but Brett wrote my story (except for the ending). Such a quick read and so perfectly written. If you've ever wanted to walk a day in someone else's shoes or feel like someone has walked in your shoes, it's this book.

[Jenny Taylor · Rating 5 out of 5]

From laughing out loud (and my dog questioning my outbursts) to filling my tub with tears, this book is amazing. Even if you yourself are not going through IVF, it helps on so many levels to understand friends or family members that might be having fertility issues. It’s a topic no one really talks about, but compassion and understanding are a MUST during these times! Thank you Brett, for helping me opening up my eyes to the world of fertility (and lack there of). Your writing is phenomenal.

[Jen · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book, man. Brett puts into words what I have been thinking and feeling for the 4 years since we started ttc. It’s hard going to work or parties or grocery shopping and pretending everything is fine. It’s hard holding in your sadness for yourself around loved ones who have been successful. It’s just hard all the damn time. But it’ll be worth it in the end, however or whenever parenthood happens for those of us still waiting.

[Curt · Rating 4 out of 5]

For anyone with a loved one who is going through IVF, read this book! It seems to me that it perfectly paints a picture of the struggles that a) got them to the beginning of their IVF journey, and b) the struggles and potential heartbreaks that continue once the process has started.
Very brave and committed people all.

[Julia O'Reilly · Rating 4 out of 5]

Brett manages to maintain an upbeat feel to this book despite the heavy topics. She’s slips in funny jokes and writes in a frank manner.

She does get pregnant but after spending thousands of dollars, a luxury not everyone has. So if you’re reading this with hope but a normal sized bank account, be warned the money spent is an amount not many would have available.

[Merri O · Rating 5 out of 5]

As someone who has gone through 3 unsuccessful IUI's, 7 IVF attempts, & one miscarriage- Brett reminds me that the fight isn't over yet. IYKYK-- a must read for anyone dealing with this. She feels like a friend & her honesty is so refreshing. Sending prayers to those out there with this same hardship. Stay strong.

[Christina D Pratti · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is an amazing book. Brett tells her story in a brutally honest way sharing her journey through IVF. It opened my eyes to the process and is a must read for anyone who knows someone with infertility problems. I laughed and cried she is an amazing storyteller.

[Allie Moore · Rating 5 out of 5]

I absolutely loved this book! Brett's story had me laughing out loud, saying "yessss, girl!" and crying while reading her story! It's real and covers all the emotions you go through while enduring IVF. This book is a must read for anyone dealing with any stage of the infertility process.