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Apocalypse Blockers #6
Goblin Queen
THIS QUEEN WAS NEVER A PRINCESS! Rejected as a child, Rangalan found family, friends and a home with the goblin folk of the mountains. Now hunted by the man who first rejected her, Rangalan's father, King Longhorn, there's nothing Rangalan will not do to protect her friends. That all sounds very serious. It's not. It’s actually all rather silly, utter nonsense if you ask me. Read it if you must, but don’t say I did not warn you.
- GenresFantasy
215 pages, Kindle Edition
First published September 16, 2020
18 people are currently reading
20 people want to read
About the author
Simon Carr
39 books151 followersSimon carr is, well he is me, hello. I write comedy Sci-fi and horror books. I started writing in 2018. I am severely dyslexic, on the very high end of the scale. So, writing a book was just me being defiant really, doing something I ought never to have been capable of doing.
I really enjoyed writing my first book, Space And Stuff, so I carried on writing. That makes it sound a lot simpler than it was, but after a lot of learning and editing; so much editing! And going through proofreaders at a rate of knotts, I got my books to a standard that only made a few grammar Nazis heads explode; so it will have to do.
I am from Blackburn in the UK, born in the summer of 1976. I have actually won three awards for my books, I know! I was as surprised as you are. If perfect grammar is your thing then you might want to give them a miss, but if you like satire and goofy scenarios I might be what you have been looking for.
I really enjoyed writing my first book, Space And Stuff, so I carried on writing. That makes it sound a lot simpler than it was, but after a lot of learning and editing; so much editing! And going through proofreaders at a rate of knotts, I got my books to a standard that only made a few grammar Nazis heads explode; so it will have to do.
I am from Blackburn in the UK, born in the summer of 1976. I have actually won three awards for my books, I know! I was as surprised as you are. If perfect grammar is your thing then you might want to give them a miss, but if you like satire and goofy scenarios I might be what you have been looking for.
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Displaying 1 - 20 of 20 reviews
September 30, 2021
As ever Simon Carr brings humor and fun to almost everything he writes, and Goblin Queen brings it in spades. From beginning to end you will chuckle, laugh, snort, as Rangalan sets out on a vengeance quest to avenge her village and face the father who rejected her at birth.
I won't say any more, save, it's time to take a seat and let this book raise your spirits as few other things will these days. Laughs from cover to cover.
I won't say any more, save, it's time to take a seat and let this book raise your spirits as few other things will these days. Laughs from cover to cover.
September 22, 2020
Goblin Queen is a crazy little story!
I know she isn't really a goblin, but she does lead the goblins in battle to claim vengeance against her rotten, cruel father (the human king). This story is much easier to read aloud or at least whispered to yourself, otherwise the spelling will trip you up. Simon Carr is definitely funny, but maybe just a little nuts too. Enjoy!
I know she isn't really a goblin, but she does lead the goblins in battle to claim vengeance against her rotten, cruel father (the human king). This story is much easier to read aloud or at least whispered to yourself, otherwise the spelling will trip you up. Simon Carr is definitely funny, but maybe just a little nuts too. Enjoy!
September 24, 2020
This book is enormous fun. It had me laughing out loud.
The novel takes the mickey out of every role playing game, every fantasy film, Monty python and the Two Ronnies and many others. The plot The Lost heir returns to free the people from the tyrant after performing a quest but told with lots of swearing and lavatorial jokes. Extremely well written loved it
The novel takes the mickey out of every role playing game, every fantasy film, Monty python and the Two Ronnies and many others. The plot The Lost heir returns to free the people from the tyrant after performing a quest but told with lots of swearing and lavatorial jokes. Extremely well written loved it
January 5, 2021
Hilarious with a touch of epic fantasy. There is a quest, a princess lost at birth searching for her birth right, an evil king and jokes. I had enjoyed reading the book, especially the characters including the goblin queen who can kill even with her bu****ks.
Looking forward to more from the same universe.
Looking forward to more from the same universe.
October 3, 2020
This is a ridiculous book but is laugh out loud funny. It has an air of Monty Python about it, and I really enjoyed it. Definitely one for anyone that needs a laugh.
I received a free copy of this book via StoryOrigin and am voluntarily leaving an honest review.
I received a free copy of this book via StoryOrigin and am voluntarily leaving an honest review.
October 19, 2020
She was rejected as a child and now she has found family and friends with the goblins. Now he wants her but she will do all she can to keep her new family and friends are safe. Can she keep them safe? See if she can
August 28, 2021
Love it want laugh till your in tears? And at the very end have real tears? Then yes you have found just the right book. Thank you Mr. Carr
September 4, 2023
First of all, despite the cover looking like something my grandmother would have picked off the shelf for me when I was 10; this is probably something most parents wouldn’t want their kids reading. It’s vile, vulgar, and full of crude humor that people without a decent sense of humor will scoff at. It’s peppered with meta references ranging from Lord of the Rings to racial, political correctness, and politics. While those might go over younger readers heads, I doubt most parents would be happy with mentions of rape, torture, and constant cussing.
The writing style and humor were very reminiscent of Vaughn Ashby’s Aurora Wasteland literary universe. While most jokes had me chuckling or outright laughing, there was a decent number that were alright but didn’t get a reaction out of me. I found the story to be hilarious overall, though I also have somewhat of a crude sense of humor, so it may not be everybody’s cup of tea.
If you’re worried that you need to read the entire series to follow along, don’t be. I didn’t even know this was part of a series until after I listened to it. I didn’t have any trouble following along.
As far as issues with the book, the only thing I took issue with is a character who is referred to as putting his hand on his “stomach”. Your stomach is an internal organ. If you’re able to put your hands on it, you have a serious medical issue. And that’s not being nitpicky. Nobody refers to putting their hand on their head as “putting my hand on my brain”. That would be absurd.
For the audio narration, I’d put it on the low end of passable. While the character voices were decent, there were a couple of instances where the character voices sounded too similar, or sounded like the scene-setting. While several of the characters had incredibly distinct voices, others sounded outright effortless and the scene-setting was what I took the most issue with. It was dull and lifeless, there wasn’t any emphasis put on any situations that made it stand out.
At one point the book narrator was losing their shit, but the audio narration didn’t match the tone, so it felt lackluster. When a character was yelling, the narrator wasn’t yelling, they were just speaking in a way that sounded like they were trying to mimic yelling while remaining quiet. On top of it all, there were at least 4 instances of repeated dialogue that I noticed, which were distracting and showed a lack of quality control.
If you read a few reviews and decide this book is for you, I’d suggest the eBook or physical releases. The audio narration isn’t quite there.
NOTE: This copy was provided to me free of charge as a digital review copy. The opinions stated in this review are mine and mine alone, I was not paid or requested to give this book a certain rating, suggestion, or approval.
The writing style and humor were very reminiscent of Vaughn Ashby’s Aurora Wasteland literary universe. While most jokes had me chuckling or outright laughing, there was a decent number that were alright but didn’t get a reaction out of me. I found the story to be hilarious overall, though I also have somewhat of a crude sense of humor, so it may not be everybody’s cup of tea.
If you’re worried that you need to read the entire series to follow along, don’t be. I didn’t even know this was part of a series until after I listened to it. I didn’t have any trouble following along.
As far as issues with the book, the only thing I took issue with is a character who is referred to as putting his hand on his “stomach”. Your stomach is an internal organ. If you’re able to put your hands on it, you have a serious medical issue. And that’s not being nitpicky. Nobody refers to putting their hand on their head as “putting my hand on my brain”. That would be absurd.
For the audio narration, I’d put it on the low end of passable. While the character voices were decent, there were a couple of instances where the character voices sounded too similar, or sounded like the scene-setting. While several of the characters had incredibly distinct voices, others sounded outright effortless and the scene-setting was what I took the most issue with. It was dull and lifeless, there wasn’t any emphasis put on any situations that made it stand out.
At one point the book narrator was losing their shit, but the audio narration didn’t match the tone, so it felt lackluster. When a character was yelling, the narrator wasn’t yelling, they were just speaking in a way that sounded like they were trying to mimic yelling while remaining quiet. On top of it all, there were at least 4 instances of repeated dialogue that I noticed, which were distracting and showed a lack of quality control.
If you read a few reviews and decide this book is for you, I’d suggest the eBook or physical releases. The audio narration isn’t quite there.
NOTE: This copy was provided to me free of charge as a digital review copy. The opinions stated in this review are mine and mine alone, I was not paid or requested to give this book a certain rating, suggestion, or approval.
November 20, 2021
Once again we have a tale when outlined it will seem most serious. We have a small child who has been abandoned by her father. She found a family with the Goblins Folk of the mountains. They loved her protected her and raised her. Her father discovers that she is still alive he sets out along with the King to put her to death. The Goblin Queen learns of his coming and vows to do whatever it takes to keep "her" family safe. Ok, Ok, now this might sound like a read glib and gloom story, but it is not, Somehow Mr Carr has this novel filled with so much joy and laughter that the whole think is just plain hilarious. I recommend Carr for this novel and I would love to read more novels by this author. I was given a clean and free copy of the novel. I was asked to write a clean and. What a laughingly good time I had!
June 4, 2022
In this book, we have a princess who was lost at birth. Well, she wasn't so much lost as she was punted away from the castle by her father simply for being a girl. She is taken in and raised by goblins and then, when she is old enough, sets out on a quest for vengeance.
As with Simon Carr's other books, this story is at times crazy and at other times dark. At all times, it is satirical and never takes itself seriously. The characters are fun and engaging and Jennifer Pratt's narration is just great.
For those who have not experienced Simon Carr's work before, it is in the same vein as Monty Python. If you want a story that doesn't take itself seriously and provides a good laugh, then give this one a chance.
As with Simon Carr's other books, this story is at times crazy and at other times dark. At all times, it is satirical and never takes itself seriously. The characters are fun and engaging and Jennifer Pratt's narration is just great.
For those who have not experienced Simon Carr's work before, it is in the same vein as Monty Python. If you want a story that doesn't take itself seriously and provides a good laugh, then give this one a chance.
September 16, 2022
I was gifted an Audible version of this book from the author through Story Origin. If you are look ing for a laugh, pick up a book by Simon Carr. This is so funny! Never a dull moment. Never a serious moment. (Well, maybe if you read between the lines.) Never a moment you'd want to be distracted. You won't get any work done while listening to this. Concentration is a must. Sit in your comfortable chair. Grab your favorite drink. Every word has meaning and purpose. Be ready to chuckle, laugh out loud and definitely cringe. (Potty humor.)
I really recommend the Audio book. Jennifer Pratt's narration is the absolute best. She really gets these crazy characters. And she has voices for them all! She spews all that trashy language spot on. Try the sample, you'll see what I mean.
I really recommend the Audio book. Jennifer Pratt's narration is the absolute best. She really gets these crazy characters. And she has voices for them all! She spews all that trashy language spot on. Try the sample, you'll see what I mean.
September 24, 2022
I was not familiar with this author, so needless to say I was a little "huh???" when I started reading this. It's ridiculously amusing, my mouth stretched so wide from grinning, my tummy sore from laughing. There IS a plot and a storyline but written in a completely slapstick humourous way. Basically, a really cruel King throws his newborn daughter away, yes, literally! She's found by a Goblin who thinks this babe will make an excellent meal but darn it, his wife decided to keep her. Fastforward, said baby is out for vengeance against her father. It's silly, really funny, a bit dark and everything in between! If you don't enjoy the likes of Monty Python or slapstick comedy, this isn't for you. If you DO like a laugh a minute, it's definitely for you!
May 5, 2022
This book was amusing. I enjoy Simon Carr's books and his unique way of expressing himself. The characters were engaging. There was plenty of action. Sometimes the humor was dark and at other times, it was crazy and zany. There was some profanity in this story. Jennifer Pratt's narration was amazing, and her performance was entertaining. I was given a free copy of the audiobook, and I have voluntarily posted this review.
January 18, 2022
As always simon carr has nailed it. I love his take on stories, his humour, his crassness and language add to the absurdity of the tale at hand. This is a great tale of an abandoned princess overcoming the past errors of her father in a witty and hilarious way. This will make your week reading this book
January 31, 2022
WOW!! THIS IS SO ENTERTAINING.
WOW!! This is SO entertaining, where to start? Well you need to be a bit open minded regarding a small amount of swear words and about 3 of those C words.
You know what the feel of this reminds me of? The life of Brian and the Monty python writing. The narration is Brilliant!. .Fun and loved the characters.
WOW!! This is SO entertaining, where to start? Well you need to be a bit open minded regarding a small amount of swear words and about 3 of those C words.
You know what the feel of this reminds me of? The life of Brian and the Monty python writing. The narration is Brilliant!. .Fun and loved the characters.
June 1, 2022
Another hilarious and intense book by Simon Carr set in the Apocolypse Blocker world. This is an insane look at the realm of goblins and men. Hilarious, ridicilious, and fun all at the same time. It's lile goblin college for the cool kids. Audio Verson: Jennifer Pratt does another amazing job narrating a Simon Carr story.
October 21, 2022
This was a fun read, very Monty Python does Tolkien in flavor, that I enjoyed immensely.
March 13, 2022
Angry that his new born child is a girl, and not the male heir he was expecting the king disposes of the baby as if she never existed.
Rangalan is rescued by a goblin woman, is raised in a goblin village and eventually rises to be goblin queen.
When she finds out that the king is out to enslave goblinkind it is time to take revenge.
Well written and full of humour, the story follows Rangalan’s quest to rid the land of her despotic father and bring peace between the human and goblin people
The characters are nicely drawn and the dialog is designed to make you chuckle.
Rangalan is rescued by a goblin woman, is raised in a goblin village and eventually rises to be goblin queen.
When she finds out that the king is out to enslave goblinkind it is time to take revenge.
Well written and full of humour, the story follows Rangalan’s quest to rid the land of her despotic father and bring peace between the human and goblin people
The characters are nicely drawn and the dialog is designed to make you chuckle.
September 1, 2023
Ran (short for Rangalang) was literally kicked out of the castle by her father the king for being born a girl. So when he kills the goblins that adopted her, she goes on a quest for wepons and revenge. This story spoofs Dungeons & Dragons, Monty Python,.. Its is brilliantly funny. Loved it
The narration is excellent. Simon Carr has a amazing imagination
The narration is excellent. Simon Carr has a amazing imagination
March 30, 2022
This will be an odder than normal review from me. I read this book several months ago while I was sick and running a fever. I do not remember a lot about the story except my son coming to check on me because he wasn't sure if I was laughing that hard or was crying that hard. It was laughter. Like every Simon Carr book I have read this book is seriously silly. Find a copy and read it today.
Displaying 1 - 20 of 20 reviews