How To Change Toxic Relationships: a revolutionary healing perspective on narcissists

by Savannah Smoke

"No mud, no lotus." Thich Naht HanhHave you read many books about narcissistic abuse recovery and toxic personalities? Although you feel more informed, you still find yourself going around in circles with them. Do you still have burning questions? Why are they like this? If there is a God, what is the purpose of these people? Do they continuously drain your energy with their atrocious behavior? Let's be honest. Regardless of what we do in life, narcissists will always be around. No one can completely exterminate their life of toxic personalities. They will still show up at work, unbreakable family ties, or a relationship you cannot escape. Wouldn't it be nice to deal with them completely unaffected? You can do it!Learn techniques, tools, and insight into your relationships that you won't find in any other book. There are reasons that narcissists love and lock onto empaths, givers, and lovers. As the counterpart, we have insecurities, matching traumas, imbalances, and inner wounds that must heal. Merely explaining the psychology around toxic and narcissistic personalities does not address our core issues, so we continue to repeat patterns with them. Only once we look at both sides of the relationship from a physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual standpoint can we maintain relationships without becoming trapped by pain, frustration, and negative emotions. We are in charge of those emotions, yet we do not know how to identify, heal, or balance ourselves. That's the focus of this book.1. Go beyond the dynamics of narcissistic and toxic personalities and understand how all of our energy is connected. Understand the science behind draining relationships and energy vampires so you can stop feeling used, abused, abandoned, betrayed, criticized, controlled, ashamed, inadequate, and masterfully manipulated.2. Understand how your trauma and inner wounds make you susceptible as a target. Finally, master your emotions!3. Learn the tools to find your emotional triggers and heal them while under attack. 4. Do self-assessments on you as a counterpart of the relationship and start balancing yourself. The most effective couples therapy is working on yourself but using your partner as a mirror.5. Understand how to handle confrontation and stop walking on eggshells to please others.6. See how emotional traumas link to our energy systems and how these relationships could affect your physical health.7. Become balanced, healed, and evolved, so you attract healthy relationships. Learn how to identify narcissists, and if unavoidable, handle them without the emotional power plays and head games affecting you.8. Thoroughly understand the spiritual purpose of narcissists and toxic people on this Earth.Get answers to the burning question, "Why are they like this?" You will not find the information or perspective published within these pages in any other book. This approach will drastically awaken you and open you to different concepts, techniques, and understandings of how you and others work together. Written by an energy medicine practitioner, quantum healer, and past life regressionist. You will find utterly different insight than found by classically trained psychologists.

247 pages, Kindle Edition

Published September 15, 2020

Reviews

[Karen JEC · Rating 4 out of 5]

Listened to the 8-hour audiobook, which is narrated by an American female accent and suitable for 1.25x speed to digest.

So many interesting perspectives in this book to break old ones and reform them into something more authentic and real. We can’t change others, we can only change ourselves, and it takes a lot of work. A new perspective might be a stretch, but that’s exactly what you might need to make a change in your life.


Favourite Quotes:

"Stop stepping in their trap."

"Relationships are really mirroring one another. The imbalances are where we have suffering. We could use some of their qualities, and they could use some of ours. At the heart of the opposing qualities is a similar matching inner wound."

"Most narcissists will rarely agree with you, nor do they need to."

"If you want other people to honour your ideas, thoughts, and version of reality, be willing to accept theirs."

Favourite way to exit a conversation:
"I respect and honour your opinion. I have my own and do not agree with you."

"It’s not about them agreeing with you. It’s about you seeing through the gaslighting."

"You’ve never learned to be a solid sense of support to yourself."

"Actions are where you will find the truth."

Tearing down others doesn’t make you look superior; it makes you look insecure.

"Make sure you give yourself credit. Do not rely on others to develop your love and appreciation for what you do."

"Projection can be where we don’t see our faults but identify them in others."

"Narcissistic supply is about you, not them... Narcissistic supply is living in ego and our subconscious wounds that are still looking for love, approval and support from outside ourselves."

"Living in ego creates suffering, no matter who you are, and that is the heart of narcissistic supply."

"There is a battle of two wolves inside us all. One is evil: it is anger, jealousy, greed, resentment, lies, inferiority, and ego. The other is good: it is joy, peace, love, hope, humility, kindness, empathy, and truth. Who is the wolf that wins? The one you feed." The white and black wolf inside us, Indian proverb

"Not no contact, it’s no energy."

"To be capable of never feeding the narcissist, you must choose to get involved in your healing."

"The universe wants us all to love abundantly. All the resources are here for us. We must work through these crucial parts of ourselves that we haven’t yet healed."

"We orchestrate everyone and everything in our universe around us."

"If your mind wants to wander, creating a negative thought pattern, see the thoughts, let them go, and replace them with the positive rewiring. The biggest monster is the one in our minds. The universe is abundant and there are no limits."

"The narcissist is using these different loops of ups and downs, like love-bombing, bringing us into higher states of emotions, then shock and intimidation is utilized to drop us into lower states of emotion. They seem like great people then pull the rug out and do some kind of mind-boggling abusive-type behaviour. When the narcissist shifts you from this higher state of being into fear and victimization, there is a higher output of energy to be gained. Everything we love, cherish, and hold dear to our lives is the most significant way to get that energetic feedback."

"There are two forces at work here: a set of people working to control, divide, and destroy versus a collection of people meant to heal, evolve, and protect. The nonsensical things they do have a specific goal in our growth and development."

"Every person has to decide for themselves what they will listen to within themselves."

"If people create an over-emotional reaction in us, we should be looking inside of ourselves."

"Once you heal your issues, traumas and insecurities, this barrage of insults does not affect you."

"We are creating this unshakeable peace that is living our highest potential on earth, the greatest mastery you can acquire of yourself."

"True healing can only occur when you do all the self work they are mirroring back to us."

"You used to believe everything is about them. Now you know, everything is about you. What is this for you? If you genuinely stopped pointing the finger and look at yourself, what’s there reflecting? The most significant shift you need to make in all elements of the narcissist relationship is looking into every situation backward. How are the narcissist’s qualities showing me what I need to heal?"

"You have learned as the giving tree that not all people deserve your trust, time, energy, and attention."

"We do not all have to agree to get along and love one another."

"The issue with darkness is not about them: It’s about the darkness they trigger within us."

"If there is suffering in a relationship, it is because of an element within that you must address. Inner wars create outer wars. Inner peace mirrors back world peace… we can profoundly impact the world by working on ourselves."

Aristotle’s Golden Mean, these are balanced:
- Courage
- Generosity
- Ambition
- Modesty
- Good humour
- Friendship
- Temperance
- Composure
- Self Control
(Compared to deficiencies and excesses)

"Often, if we can hear theories in different ways from many people, things will click for us."

[Jason · Rating 4 out of 5]

No catchy title needed. Probably the biggest or “different” approach is “recognize what your relationships tell you about you” namely empaths draw in narcissists. Vs. other books that lay out how to identify and/or set boundaries with toxic people. Her focus is heal yourself (even to the energy/chakra level) and keep the narcissist around to help identify unhealed areas.
I personally can do without the poisonous people, but I see what she is saying.

[Eric pollick · Rating 5 out of 5]

A much needed perspective

The toxic relationship you're healing from is the toxic relationship you didn't even know you had with yourself. This book is needed in a world where everyone is screaming narcissist while failing to recognize their own narcissism, and being accountable to the ways in which they are the a-hole in life.

[Amy Alexander · Rating 5 out of 5]

A very interesting and helpful take on Narcissistic relationships.

This book provides a proactive way to work with narcissists to become better people ourselves. I enjoyed the reflections on energy and listening to your body.

[Janette Alvarez · Rating 5 out of 5]

Atypical

So good. Read every page, sometimes multiple times. I resonated with this very strongly. Block negative by doing internal work. Wisdom.