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Tell Me The Truth About Loss: A Psychologist's Personal Story of Loss, Grief and Finding Hope
In March 2017, Niamh Fitzpatrick’s life fell apart overnight.
Her beloved sister Dara was killed in a helicopter crash. Soon afterwards, Niamh’s marriage disintegrated, and she feared she would lose her house. Life as she knew it had ended and the loss she suffered was staggering.
A psychologist for many years, Niamh’s job was to guide clients through the worst times in their lives. Drawing on everything she learned, first to survive and then, in time, to begin to thrive, Tell Me the Truth about Loss is a psychologist’s journey through loss, grief and the worst of times, while finding hope along the way.
A beautiful book for when life isn’t what you expect it to be.
Her beloved sister Dara was killed in a helicopter crash. Soon afterwards, Niamh’s marriage disintegrated, and she feared she would lose her house. Life as she knew it had ended and the loss she suffered was staggering.
A psychologist for many years, Niamh’s job was to guide clients through the worst times in their lives. Drawing on everything she learned, first to survive and then, in time, to begin to thrive, Tell Me the Truth about Loss is a psychologist’s journey through loss, grief and the worst of times, while finding hope along the way.
A beautiful book for when life isn’t what you expect it to be.
- GenresGriefNonfiction
287 pages, Kindle Edition
Published September 25, 2020
52 people are currently reading
178 people want to read
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Displaying 1 - 28 of 28 reviews
October 12, 2020
This really is powerful story of grief sadness and yet hope. Amazing book of a sifters love and great loss of her sibling Dara Fitzpatrick. Tissues at the ready you would get through this book with them RIP Dara Fitzpatrick.
July 24, 2024
This book was beautiful, honest and sometimes difficult to read. Niamh describes her experiences with loss in such devastating detail however it is also very comforting to read as someone who has also experienced tragic loss. Niamh has a way with words and I particularly loved her accounts of how your life changes with loss and grief and that you can cope in the face of insurmountable pain with the right support and people by your sides. I would recommend this book to anyone who lost a loved one.
July 15, 2022
Some very good advice about loss but too repetitive which detracted from overall content. Book needed to be shorter and edited better.
September 27, 2020
Struggling to find the right words to describe just how wonderful this book is and how much it speaks to me-while grief is a uniquely personal thing, there are so many shared elements to it amongst humanity and I found myself reading Niamh’s words and empathising so so much. While sudden deaths bring an added layer of trauma to them, the grieving process for gradual deaths can feel just as devastating-life is forever marked in to “before” and “after” and Niamh’s writing demonstrates this perfectly.
Highly, highly recommend this book 💞
Highly, highly recommend this book 💞
January 3, 2021
Such a beautiful book! I must have looked like such a weirdo walking and crying often while listening to this book. Such a lovely start to the years' reading 💜
October 3, 2020
Tremendously moving
A beautiful and heart wrenching account of coping in the face of seemingly insurmountable loss and pain. If you’ve ever suffered any kind of loss, this book is not a guide per se but can help you see how someone else coped and realise it is possible to survive.
A beautiful and heart wrenching account of coping in the face of seemingly insurmountable loss and pain. If you’ve ever suffered any kind of loss, this book is not a guide per se but can help you see how someone else coped and realise it is possible to survive.
March 2, 2023
I have been a fan of Niamh Fitzpatrick's outlook on life since I first heard her on the radio even before the death of her beloved sister. This is an honest account of the grief she suffered when her sister died tragically and also the sense of loss she had been grappling with when other aspects of her life didn't work out as she hoped. This is a good book for anyone who has suffered loss or who wishes to help someone who is grieving. It is full of wisdom and at times I had to put it down as it was so sad. It is a book to be read and absorbed slowly. The book ends full of hope so don't be put off by the sadness.
December 17, 2021
Amazing exploration of sibling grief. I lost my beloved 28 yr old brother Brian in a motorbike accident 2 yrs ago & the identification with the trauma was v painful yet healing.Niamh offers hope in the darkest of times.
May 3, 2021
In 2017, Niamh Fitzpatrick went through a series of harrowing losses. The most difficult was the loss of her younger sister, Dara, who died in a helicopter crash while in the line of duty as a senior member of Irish Coast Guard.
In this book, Fitzpatrick, an experienced psychologist, writes with great honesty about the shock and and grief of coping with both the loss of her sister and the ending of her 20-year marriage, as well as other aspects of her life that had not quite gone as she had hoped or planned. I know what it is like to lose a loved one who is only half-way through her life through a sudden and unexpected accident - in my case, a beloved sister-in-law I had known since childhood - and for this to occur in the midst of other life-altering events. I also know what it is for a long-term relationship to end on the back of losses (and followed almost immediately by a parental loss, in my case), and what it is like to at times trudge through your days, wondering if life is anything more than a series of losses of loved ones, dreams, hopes, and even relationships or friendships, or ideas about what you meant to people and they to you. Loss on top of loss can be deeply overwhelming. Bereavement comes in many different forms, and you often spend a lifetime working these things through in your mind. That said, there is life after loss, and Fitzpatrick emphasises this time and again, as she describes the trajectory of her grieving process and how it combines with the continuance of her professional and personal endeavours.
Although the details of my experiences are different, it felt like a relief to stumble across a book by somebody who was willing to write openly about how horrifically difficult it can be to have loss piled upon loss, while also dealing with the demands of what she refers to as "grief admin".
The strong aspects of the book are when Fitzpatrick is writing largely from a psychologist's point of view, about the importance of accepting that some powerful emotions accompany the grieving process, and to allow oneself designated time to feel these emotions, even if they do not seem to make any logical sense to you, while also practicing self-compassion. She also writes extremely well about the physicality of grief, and the fact that it has an overall effect on your health and well being, lowering the immune system and making you more vulnerable to illness.
Fitzpatrick writes extensively about coming from a very close-knit extended family. There are various aspects to loss that I have experienced personally that weren't covered here, but some of these aspects relate to parental loss, which is not covered in this book, and is a different experience that can change a family's dynamic beyond recognition. Added to this, some workplaces are seriously lacking in how they respond to loss, and I would like to see legislation put in place to address this.
A sudden death like the one experienced by Fitzpatrick can rock a family to the core; and she is to be commended for contributing to the dialogue on loss and grief in a world in which very few people seem to wish to address these issues. It seems, at times, that many sleepwalk through life thinking loss is never going to hit them, when invariably, it affects everybody at some point. Most of us will know that those who acknowledge a major loss we have suffered or are supportive in any capacity whatsoever, are always remembered and considered friends for life. For instance, the friend in the U.S. who called me on the deaths of both parents, is still a friend. Certain others, despite geographical closeness, perhaps not so much. Loss changes your view of your world fundamentally. You definitely know where the decency in the world resides after a loss - and there is a lot of it, I might add; I also think it is good acknowledge that the opposite exists also, though it is, thankfully, rare enough.
This book is not a literary view of loss, written with clinical precision - if you want this, I'd suggest reading Joan Didion's The Year of Magical Thinking, a classic in the literature on the grieving process. While Fitzpatrick's book has some great insights and will provide comfort to many, the first half of the book in particular could have done with more editing and honing. Perhaps this was a deliberate attempt to look at the landscape of loss while it was in process, but there is some repetition that seemed somewhat unnecessary, at times when reading the first half, I was counting the comma splices per page (this disappeared in the second half of the book). Having said that, it is a valuable contribution to the dialogue on loss in a society that often sweeps the effects of bereavement under the carpet, and as such, I would recommend this book as a courageous and honest account of a devastating series of events in the life of the author and her family.
In this book, Fitzpatrick, an experienced psychologist, writes with great honesty about the shock and and grief of coping with both the loss of her sister and the ending of her 20-year marriage, as well as other aspects of her life that had not quite gone as she had hoped or planned. I know what it is like to lose a loved one who is only half-way through her life through a sudden and unexpected accident - in my case, a beloved sister-in-law I had known since childhood - and for this to occur in the midst of other life-altering events. I also know what it is for a long-term relationship to end on the back of losses (and followed almost immediately by a parental loss, in my case), and what it is like to at times trudge through your days, wondering if life is anything more than a series of losses of loved ones, dreams, hopes, and even relationships or friendships, or ideas about what you meant to people and they to you. Loss on top of loss can be deeply overwhelming. Bereavement comes in many different forms, and you often spend a lifetime working these things through in your mind. That said, there is life after loss, and Fitzpatrick emphasises this time and again, as she describes the trajectory of her grieving process and how it combines with the continuance of her professional and personal endeavours.
Although the details of my experiences are different, it felt like a relief to stumble across a book by somebody who was willing to write openly about how horrifically difficult it can be to have loss piled upon loss, while also dealing with the demands of what she refers to as "grief admin".
The strong aspects of the book are when Fitzpatrick is writing largely from a psychologist's point of view, about the importance of accepting that some powerful emotions accompany the grieving process, and to allow oneself designated time to feel these emotions, even if they do not seem to make any logical sense to you, while also practicing self-compassion. She also writes extremely well about the physicality of grief, and the fact that it has an overall effect on your health and well being, lowering the immune system and making you more vulnerable to illness.
Fitzpatrick writes extensively about coming from a very close-knit extended family. There are various aspects to loss that I have experienced personally that weren't covered here, but some of these aspects relate to parental loss, which is not covered in this book, and is a different experience that can change a family's dynamic beyond recognition. Added to this, some workplaces are seriously lacking in how they respond to loss, and I would like to see legislation put in place to address this.
A sudden death like the one experienced by Fitzpatrick can rock a family to the core; and she is to be commended for contributing to the dialogue on loss and grief in a world in which very few people seem to wish to address these issues. It seems, at times, that many sleepwalk through life thinking loss is never going to hit them, when invariably, it affects everybody at some point. Most of us will know that those who acknowledge a major loss we have suffered or are supportive in any capacity whatsoever, are always remembered and considered friends for life. For instance, the friend in the U.S. who called me on the deaths of both parents, is still a friend. Certain others, despite geographical closeness, perhaps not so much. Loss changes your view of your world fundamentally. You definitely know where the decency in the world resides after a loss - and there is a lot of it, I might add; I also think it is good acknowledge that the opposite exists also, though it is, thankfully, rare enough.
This book is not a literary view of loss, written with clinical precision - if you want this, I'd suggest reading Joan Didion's The Year of Magical Thinking, a classic in the literature on the grieving process. While Fitzpatrick's book has some great insights and will provide comfort to many, the first half of the book in particular could have done with more editing and honing. Perhaps this was a deliberate attempt to look at the landscape of loss while it was in process, but there is some repetition that seemed somewhat unnecessary, at times when reading the first half, I was counting the comma splices per page (this disappeared in the second half of the book). Having said that, it is a valuable contribution to the dialogue on loss in a society that often sweeps the effects of bereavement under the carpet, and as such, I would recommend this book as a courageous and honest account of a devastating series of events in the life of the author and her family.
June 23, 2022
"Tell Me the Truth about Loss: A Psychologist's Personal Story of Loss, Grief and Finding Hope"
by Niamh Fitzpatrick
Reviewed on 23 June 2022
It seems wrong of me to rate a book about one individual's personal experience with grief, however, please note that I am only rating the book, not Fitzpatrick's experiences of loss and tragedy. The author has faced incredible heartache when she learned of the sudden helicopter crash that ended the life of her dear younger sister and very experienced pilot Dara Fitzpatrick. During the same time, Niamh also experienced the demise of her marriage to a wonderful man who she was not destined to carry on to death do they part. Sadly, the couple also experienced many years of unsuccessful IVF and Niamh would never know what it's like to be a human mother.
There are aspects of this book that I enjoyed reading. For instance, because I am also going through my own journey with IVF, I found her recollections about her loss of what could have been something I could completely emphasise with. I also followed along when she spoke about her ex-husband with admiration and respect, despite knowing the reality that they would be better living separate lives. She mentioned that loss of a person doesn't mean that is a loss of the relationship. You still love. Dara is still her sister. Things are just very different from what they were before. You don't move on, but you go on.
I wanted to learn something new about grief and I learned that some people can take offence when others say that a person "passed away" as though it happened so peacefully. No, they died. There is nothing peaceful about someone frantically drowning in the ocean. I also had a friend named Shad Gaspard, a well-known professional wrestler, who's death was due to an drowning and it was very heart-breaking. He risked his own life so his son could be saved by rescuers. His body was washed to the shore days of Venice Beach, CA later. It was a very difficult time in my life. I agree that there was nothing peaceful about his "passing", rather it's a horrible drowning death.
I listened to the 9 plus hours of he audiobook and it is my opinion that this book was extremely repetitive and went around and around with Dara's death multiple times. The author could have made written this book in half the amount of pages. I tried to imagine what I would go through if I was in Niamh's position. It would be unimaginable to me. However, this book is for the readers to learn the truth about loss. I'm not quite sure I got the truth, only a portion of mid-life crisis and tragic losses for the author. This is not to be harsh or rude, I guess I was hoping for more of a learning experience to help me through my own grieving process over losing someone very dear to me and instead, I just heard about a life of a person I had no connection over. Maybe it's my own fault for note reading the subtitle clearly.
by Niamh Fitzpatrick
Reviewed on 23 June 2022
It seems wrong of me to rate a book about one individual's personal experience with grief, however, please note that I am only rating the book, not Fitzpatrick's experiences of loss and tragedy. The author has faced incredible heartache when she learned of the sudden helicopter crash that ended the life of her dear younger sister and very experienced pilot Dara Fitzpatrick. During the same time, Niamh also experienced the demise of her marriage to a wonderful man who she was not destined to carry on to death do they part. Sadly, the couple also experienced many years of unsuccessful IVF and Niamh would never know what it's like to be a human mother.
There are aspects of this book that I enjoyed reading. For instance, because I am also going through my own journey with IVF, I found her recollections about her loss of what could have been something I could completely emphasise with. I also followed along when she spoke about her ex-husband with admiration and respect, despite knowing the reality that they would be better living separate lives. She mentioned that loss of a person doesn't mean that is a loss of the relationship. You still love. Dara is still her sister. Things are just very different from what they were before. You don't move on, but you go on.
I wanted to learn something new about grief and I learned that some people can take offence when others say that a person "passed away" as though it happened so peacefully. No, they died. There is nothing peaceful about someone frantically drowning in the ocean. I also had a friend named Shad Gaspard, a well-known professional wrestler, who's death was due to an drowning and it was very heart-breaking. He risked his own life so his son could be saved by rescuers. His body was washed to the shore days of Venice Beach, CA later. It was a very difficult time in my life. I agree that there was nothing peaceful about his "passing", rather it's a horrible drowning death.
I listened to the 9 plus hours of he audiobook and it is my opinion that this book was extremely repetitive and went around and around with Dara's death multiple times. The author could have made written this book in half the amount of pages. I tried to imagine what I would go through if I was in Niamh's position. It would be unimaginable to me. However, this book is for the readers to learn the truth about loss. I'm not quite sure I got the truth, only a portion of mid-life crisis and tragic losses for the author. This is not to be harsh or rude, I guess I was hoping for more of a learning experience to help me through my own grieving process over losing someone very dear to me and instead, I just heard about a life of a person I had no connection over. Maybe it's my own fault for note reading the subtitle clearly.
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
May 4, 2021
What an emotional read. I guess having heard about Dara’s death along with her colleagues on that fateful night I knew it was going to be a heartbreaking read as much as a heartbreaking write for Niamh. When I read a real life story I like the details to be in chronological order and this irked me a little whilst reading the book. However as I got further into the story I could see that it made sense especially in Niamh’s process for all that she was grieving.
Having also lost a relation who was a young wife and mother, though not through an accident, I could see the similarities in the grieving process but through the way Niamh described her loss I began to view what those who are heartbroken say and how they actually feel. I am hoping it will make me more mindful of what I would say in the future
Another point I really liked was that Niamh made it clear that this was her grief process and not that of her family and close relations. I hope that Niamh Fitzpatrick and her family find solace in their lives and pride in the life and rearing of Fionn.
Having also lost a relation who was a young wife and mother, though not through an accident, I could see the similarities in the grieving process but through the way Niamh described her loss I began to view what those who are heartbroken say and how they actually feel. I am hoping it will make me more mindful of what I would say in the future
Another point I really liked was that Niamh made it clear that this was her grief process and not that of her family and close relations. I hope that Niamh Fitzpatrick and her family find solace in their lives and pride in the life and rearing of Fionn.
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
January 29, 2025
Niamh Fitzpatrick (2020) TELL ME THE TRUTH ABOUT LOSS (AUDIOBOOK)
BorrowBox - Bolinda/Gill Audio
⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ 5 out of 5 stars
BorrowBox writes, "In March 2017, Niamh Fitzpatrick’s life fell apart overnight. Her beloved sister Dara was killed in a helicopter crash. Soon afterwards, Niamh’s marriage ended and she feared she would lose her home. Life as she knew it was gone forever and the grief was overwhelming. A psychologist for many years, Niamh’s job is to help clients through the toughest times in their lives. Drawing on everything she learned, first to survive and then, in time, to thrive, Tell Me the Truth About Loss is a psychologist’s journey through the worst of times, finding hope along the way. It is a beautiful audiobook for when life isn’t what you expect it to be."
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OMG. This is a difficult listen. Dara was the age I am now 💔
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#NiamhFitzpatrick #TellMeTheTruthAboutLoss #Book #Books #Read #Reads #Reading #Review #Reviews #BookReview #BookReviews #GoodReads #Audiobook #Audiobooks #BorrowBox
BorrowBox - Bolinda/Gill Audio
⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ 5 out of 5 stars
BorrowBox writes, "In March 2017, Niamh Fitzpatrick’s life fell apart overnight. Her beloved sister Dara was killed in a helicopter crash. Soon afterwards, Niamh’s marriage ended and she feared she would lose her home. Life as she knew it was gone forever and the grief was overwhelming. A psychologist for many years, Niamh’s job is to help clients through the toughest times in their lives. Drawing on everything she learned, first to survive and then, in time, to thrive, Tell Me the Truth About Loss is a psychologist’s journey through the worst of times, finding hope along the way. It is a beautiful audiobook for when life isn’t what you expect it to be."
=====
OMG. This is a difficult listen. Dara was the age I am now 💔
=====
#NiamhFitzpatrick #TellMeTheTruthAboutLoss #Book #Books #Read #Reads #Reading #Review #Reviews #BookReview #BookReviews #GoodReads #Audiobook #Audiobooks #BorrowBox
June 1, 2024
Tell me the Truth About Loss by Niamh Fitzpatrick audiobook narrated by Aoife McMahon. Published by Bolinda audio listened to using BorrowBox via Norfolk County Library. 3.5 stars
The autobiography of Niamh whose life fell apart when her sister Dara was killed in a helicopter crash. Haven’t recently lost some family members I was interested in how others grieve. Niamh lost her sister Dara when the helicopter that she was the pilot of for the Irish Coastguard crashed on its way to provide cover for an ongoing incident. This event hit the National headlines and created a big media sensation so their grieving was very much in the public eye. Not only did Niamh have the lost of her to sister to cope with her marriage was also coming to an end as well as her journey to become a mother after being unsuccessful at IVF treatment.
This was a interesting listen if although at one point I did feel it was a little bit too long and at times it felt a little repetitive.
The autobiography of Niamh whose life fell apart when her sister Dara was killed in a helicopter crash. Haven’t recently lost some family members I was interested in how others grieve. Niamh lost her sister Dara when the helicopter that she was the pilot of for the Irish Coastguard crashed on its way to provide cover for an ongoing incident. This event hit the National headlines and created a big media sensation so their grieving was very much in the public eye. Not only did Niamh have the lost of her to sister to cope with her marriage was also coming to an end as well as her journey to become a mother after being unsuccessful at IVF treatment.
This was a interesting listen if although at one point I did feel it was a little bit too long and at times it felt a little repetitive.
April 18, 2021
Not sure where to start!
Grief is a personal journey and Niamh leads us through her journey as she grieves for her sister Dara. It is a personal journey but one where everyone can learn an awful lot to the extent that I would personally put this book on the Leaving Cert course
Niamh’s journey is a deeply emotional but loving one which shows us that even psychologists need help. This book will be of tremendous help to not only those that are grieving but, and equally importantly, to those who never know what to say when they meet someone who is grieving. Just being there is often better than putting your foot in it.
I have learned so much both as someone who is grieving and also as someone who, like us all, meets people who have buried a loved one
A must read and thank you Niamh for sharing something so deeply personal. You have indeed ‘Done a Dara’
Grief is a personal journey and Niamh leads us through her journey as she grieves for her sister Dara. It is a personal journey but one where everyone can learn an awful lot to the extent that I would personally put this book on the Leaving Cert course
Niamh’s journey is a deeply emotional but loving one which shows us that even psychologists need help. This book will be of tremendous help to not only those that are grieving but, and equally importantly, to those who never know what to say when they meet someone who is grieving. Just being there is often better than putting your foot in it.
I have learned so much both as someone who is grieving and also as someone who, like us all, meets people who have buried a loved one
A must read and thank you Niamh for sharing something so deeply personal. You have indeed ‘Done a Dara’
April 16, 2021
This is one of a very few books that left me in tears multiple times while reading it. It's so beautifully written, captures the whole spectrum of emotions of someone who lost their loved one. For someone who hasn’t experienced a loss of their loved one, this book beautifully explains how to approach people that are in mourning. The circumstances around the loss are truly devastating as the authors sibling was a pilot of a helicopter working for Coast Guard where 4 people lost their lives in a crash. It shows how important the support is for the family and friends of someone that died. Just a well written book about what a person goes through after someone's death.
April 5, 2021
An incredible book and tribute to Dara, Niamh's much loved sister. Niamh shares her wisdom, vulnerability, fears, struggles and her coping mechanisms with us so openly within these pages.
The writing is beautiful. Niamh's kindness and generosity of spirit shines through.
Thank you Niamh for putting into print aspects of loss that we have all experienced in ways unique to us but which are very relatable to your reflections. You have shared your valuable life experiences in a way which will help so many people.
The writing is beautiful. Niamh's kindness and generosity of spirit shines through.
Thank you Niamh for putting into print aspects of loss that we have all experienced in ways unique to us but which are very relatable to your reflections. You have shared your valuable life experiences in a way which will help so many people.
December 21, 2020
A very personal account of Niamh's experience of loss, loss not just of her beloved sister Dara but also of her marriage and her hopes of having a family. I found I related to so much of what she put into words around the impact of losing her sibling. I would recommend for anyone going through the pain of loss, there is no rule book but there are so many others going through a similar journey.
July 14, 2022
Having experienced grief that rocked me to my core, there were times I had to put this book down, it came that close to pitching me right back to square one. Not for the faint hearted, this account of the effect of her sister's sudden and tragic death, along with other personal griefs, is brutally honest.
November 5, 2020
I love listening to Niamh on the radio with her advice. I found the book very repetitive but I know a bit about grief and the emotions that go with it. It would be a good book for some one who never knew what grief was and how it presents itself!
Read
January 22, 2021Does what it says on the tin. The most honest, plain-spoken, accepting, kind-hearted account of grief that I have read. Does lose steam a little (or maybe I was) by the last few chapters, but still valuable insights, throughout.
October 26, 2020
Very insightful - It discusses several kinds of loss.
January 16, 2021
An honest and searing insight into the truth of loss and grief.
March 13, 2021
Excellent heartfelt read
September 14, 2021
Very honest and introspective yet relevant to anyone who's experienced a significant loss of any kind. Very thought provoking.
March 14, 2023
This was an honest and personal account of loss, which many will recognise.
July 6, 2021
Fitzpatrick's memoir chronicles her lived experience of grief after her sister's death in a helicopter accident, as well as the grief associated with the end of her marriage.
Although this book didn't teach me anything new about grief, it's one I would recommend to anyone recently bereaved. Fitzpatrick normalizes many aspects of grief, and goes into detail about the cognitive, social, and behavioural impacts. In particular, she delves into the challenge of finding happiness again, noting that '...we don't move on, but we go on.'
3/5
Although this book didn't teach me anything new about grief, it's one I would recommend to anyone recently bereaved. Fitzpatrick normalizes many aspects of grief, and goes into detail about the cognitive, social, and behavioural impacts. In particular, she delves into the challenge of finding happiness again, noting that '...we don't move on, but we go on.'
I have an awareness that I can carry the sadness and at the same time, live my life.
3/5
December 22, 2021
Beautiful written. Very raw honest account of grief.
Displaying 1 - 28 of 28 reviews