Taylor Swift

by Hugh Behm-Steinberg

Genres: Short Stories, Fiction

Unknown Binding

About the author

Recipient of a Wallace Stegner and NEA Creative Writing Fellowships, Hugh Behm-Steinberg is the author of two collections of poetry, Shy Green Fields (No Tell Books) and The Opposite of Work (2nd Edition, Doubleback Books). In 2015 his short story "Taylor Swift" won the Barthelme Prize for short fiction, and his story "Goodwill" was picked as one of the Wigleaf Top Fifty Very Short Fictions of 2018. His most recent book, Animal Children, a collection of prose poems and micro-fiction, was published by Nomadic Press in 2020. He teaches writing and literature at California College of the Arts.

Reviews

[MichaliS]

read for uni and what the hell was that my dude

[Elle O]

what the hell was that

[Shene · Rating 4 out of 5]

2015 Barthelme Prize Winner: Taylor SwiftHugh Behm-Steinberg

The Story

You’re in love; it’s great, you swipe on your phone and order: the next day a Taylor Swift clone shows up at your house. It’s not awkward, it’s everything you want. She knows all her songs, and she sings them just for you. When you put your Taylor Swift to bed (early, you got a big day tomorrow) you peek over the fence into the Rosenblatt’s yard, and the lights are blazing. Your best friend Tina has three Taylor Swifts swimming in her pool. She has a miniature Taylor Swift she keeps on a perch, a Taylor Swift with wings. You’re so jealous. She’s not even paying attention to them, she’s too busy having sex with her other Taylor Swifts, they’re so fucking loud it’s disgusting. You hate Taylor Swift.

So you wake up your Taylor Swift and put her to work doing your chores. Why are you being so mean to me she asks you, but you won’t look her in the eye. Instead you ask your mom for an advance on your allowance now that all the chores are done, and with the money you get three more Taylor Swifts. When they arrive you make them do nothing but cardio and kickboxing training for weeks on end. And steroids. They look all sweaty and hard and sexy but, unlike some people, you know all about delayed gratification. You make your Taylor Swifts sleep in separate crates.

You call your best friend Tina and say wouldn’t it be great to have a Taylor Swift party? We could bring all our Taylor Swifts, drink Diet Pepsi and smoke pot. Tina says that sounds like fun; let’s do it this weekend, my parents will be gone all weekend.

Saturday, you let one of your pumped up quivering Taylor Swifts ring the doorbell and who answers but Taylor Swift. Come on in, we’re all by the pool. By the pool all of Tina’s Taylor Swifts are naked, getting tan, they all look so sweet and lazy. They’re drinking Diet Pepsi while Tina is lighting an apple bong. So, she says, passing you the apple, what shall we do with all these Taylor Swifts?

You look at her, she’s just glowing, you’ve never wanted to be with anyone else but her in your entire life. And there goes your plan to have all your Taylor Swifts beat the crap out of all her Taylor Swifts. Let’s go to your room, you tell her. There’s something I want to show you.

A little later, the Taylor Swifts smile as they hear the two of you. The one with wings stretches and practices her nightingale routine. She knows that one day the real Taylor Swift will see the videos she uploaded, and the videos will be so beautiful, so perfect, that the real Taylor Swift will send her limo driver to pick her up and take her to the real Taylor Swift’s tower in New York City, where at last she too will be loved.

[Gillian · Rating 3 out of 5]

If I have a Taylor Swift I'll also make her do kickboxing

[the restless bookflea · Rating 3 out of 5]

Swift, funny, and chaotic.

[Gueniver · Rating 3 out of 5]

it’s an addicting, funny and just weird as fuck story

[rotten apple · Rating 3 out of 5]

my reaction when i finished reading this (for LT class): what the actual fuck did i just read????? what was the point of all that? why did he do THAT?
my reaction when we were discussing it in the class: ohhh so THAT was the reason why!

i didn’t expect it to get that DEEEEP at all. i thought it only dealt with male gaze and sexualizing. it kinda surprised me how the article(?) was about overconsumption in the consumerist culture and the theme of fearing of missing out

[Ava · Rating 4 out of 5]

2015 Barthelme Prize Winner

http://gulfcoastmag.org/journal/28.2/...

Weird, exuberant, creepy, funny, poignant. If you like Kelly Link, George Saunders, and that kind of unheimlich experimental fiction, you’ll love “Taylor Swift”.

[Sasha · Rating 1 out of 5]

...I'm lost.

[giada · Rating 3 out of 5]

i wish there was more omg

[Kyriana · Rating 4 out of 5]

How odd.

[Katie (hobbitthereader) · Rating 1 out of 5]

I read this for uni. It is disgusting and gross.

[Ev · Rating 3 out of 5]

this was........... weird. I honestly didn't understand what happened, but I appreciated the commentary on how celebrities are seen as objects and also on the consumerist society that we live in.

[Lp · Rating 1 out of 5]

this is fucking sick and i mean that as sick [derogatory] and not sick [wicked cool]. just such a weird way to talk about any woman, let alone a real, currently alive one.

[Keso Gagoshidze · Rating 2 out of 5]

no WAY :DDDD

[aiganym · Rating 5 out of 5]

read this for creative writing class, it's funny AHHAHAAH, the weird language is interesting and how it talks about the bigger issues like celebrity fetish, sexualization etc etc

[Savana_Nana · Rating 1 out of 5]

……….no.

[waqualee · Rating 2 out of 5]

read for class disscussion and still feel like what the hell is this