If I Could Say Goodbye

by Emma Cooper

A heart-warming and uplifting story about love, loss and finding the strength to say goodbye, from the author of The First Time I Saw You.

Jennifer Jones' life began when her little sister, Kerry, was born. So when her sister dies in a tragic accident, nothing seems to make sense any more.

Despite the support of her husband, Ed, and their wonderful children, Jen can't comprehend why she is still here, while bright, spirited Kerry is not.

When Jen starts to lose herself in her memories of Kerry, she doesn't realise that the closer she feels to Kerry, the further she gets from her family.

Jen was never able to say goodbye to her sister. But what if she could?

Would you risk everything if you had the chance to say goodbye?

Genres: Fiction, Contemporary, Book Club

404 pages, Kindle Edition

First published September 17, 2020

About the author

Emma Cooper is a former teaching assistant, who lives in Shropshire, with her partner and four children. Her spare time consists of writing novels, drinking wine and watching box-sets with her partner of twenty-four years, who still makes her smile every day.

Emma has always wanted to be a writer – ever since her childhood, she’s been inventing characters (her favourite being her imaginary friend ‘Boot’) and is thrilled that she now gets to use this imagination to bring to life all of her creations.

The Songs of Us was inspired by Emma’s love of music and her ability to almost always embarrass herself, and her children, in the most mundane of situations. She was so fascinated by the idea of combining the two, that she began to write Melody’s story. Working full-time with a large family meant that Emma had to steal snippets of ‘spare’ time from her already chaotic and disorganised life; the majority of her novel was written during her lunchtime in a tiny school office. She never expected to fall so deeply in love with the King family and is overwhelmed that others feel the same.

She has three loves in life: reading, writing and her family…oh, and music, cheese, pizza, films – Maths is not one of her talents.

Emma keeps in touch with her readers and loves to hear from them on twitter @ItsEmmacooper and on her Facebook page at www.facebook.com/EmmacooperAuthor/

Reviews

[Michelle · Rating 4 out of 5]

If I could say goodbye by Emma Cooper is the first book I have read from the author. So, I was intrigued to know what her writing style is like as, I have heard good things about the author.
Jennifer Jones and her husband Ed are a normal couple with two children. But when Jennifer’s younger sister and best friend Kerry dies after saving her from being hit by a car. Their whole world changes. Jennifer is racked with so much guilt that she can’t cope with her sister dying and wishes that she died instead.
The repercussions of her death nearly split the family apart. The story is told by both Jennifer’s and Ed’s point of view. Where Ed is trying to juggle his life with work the kids and Jennifer. Jennifer thinks she is going mad as she can see Kerry and thinks that her family are better off without her.
This is a strong, emotionally driven story about grief and how one family copes with it and how they get through it to the other side. I found it interesting but, quite slow paced. I did like the times that Kerry showed up but no one else could see it was quite comical and reminded me of a film that I once watched. But other times I thought the grief was too much and I don’t think this will be everyone’s cup of tea.
Thank you Headline and NetGalley for a copy of this book

[Reading_ Tamishly · Rating 5 out of 5]

Omg…😭😭😭😭😭

[Melanie Thomas · Rating 3 out of 5]

I've really enjoyed Emma Cooper's previous books - particularly The Songs of Us, which is one of my favourite ever books - so I went into this one with very high expectations. Perhaps that was a mistake as unfortunately it didn't quite live up to them.

I can't really put my finger on what it was about If I Could Say Goodbye that didn't work for me but I just didn't feel a connection with any of the characters and I didn't feel like a huge amount actually happened. Maybe I needed longer with the sisters at the beginning, before the accident, for their bond to be properly developed for me and to make Jennifer's subsequent grief more relatable. Maybe I needed Ed's point of view chapters to be less frivolous in order to properly portray his perspective. Maybe this is the wrong time in my life for me to connect with it and if I'd read it at another time it would have been a five star. Maybe this book and I are just not destined to be friends; it happens.

This is still a beautifully written book - Cooper's talent with words is unquestionable - and there are some moments of genuine, laugh out loud joy in here. It's a good read! But I expected to have my heart broken. And I didn't shed a single tear.

[Trish · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is the second of Emma Cooper's books I have read and it definitely won't be the last. I love how I become invested in the characters and need to know how their story ends. My only issue now is which book to choose next

[Lucy C · Rating 4 out of 5]

I have never read a book by Emma Cooper before, so was unsure what to expect.

This heartbreaking story deals with grief and how it turns your family upside down.

Truly well written by Emma, told by the POV from husband and wife Ed and Jennifer.

A powerful and emotional read but does still have the humour so it's not full of gloom.

Highly Reccomended you pick this one up.

Thank you Headline and netgalley for allowing me the opportunity to review this.

[Emma Jackson · Rating 5 out of 5]

Emma Cooper writes with an innate and rare talent. I am bereft that I have finished this book and find myself wondering how they’re doing (the characters that is!)

This beautifully written piece had me immersed within Jen and Ed’s lives - I found myself completely invested in both sides of this heart breaking story rooting for all sides and being heart broken along the way for everyone involved.

Ed’s part really cements this book as one of my favourites, he is the perfect man (not in a Prince Charming kind of way).... but he is strong, emotional, an amazing father, who is so in love with his wife and desperately wants her to ‘be better’ To be his wife and his children’s mum again. His character was written beautifully and I really depended on him within this book to make it okay.

The relationship between the sisters evolves and develops throughout the book, grabbing my attention and I could feel the grief that Jen exudes and just as you think your heart is going to break Emma hits you with her talent at its very best - humour - at just the right time - I laughed out loud many times.

I felt everything throughout this book because most of all I felt I knew the characters ! Beautifully written - I can’t wait for more Cooper talent.

[thewoollygeek (tea, cake, crochet & books) · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is a tale of grief, love and family life. It’s an absolutely stunning read, so beautifully and sensitively written, so emotive, so full of both sadness and joy , I’ve not laughed and cried so much in a long time. It’s not an easy read, it’s quite devastating at times as you go on Jens journey with her, the author deals with mental health so beautifully and sensitive , the importance of support and family is really well highlighted, it’s an amazing story, bring the tissues, but be ready to leave uplifted too

Thanks to netgalley and the publisher for a free copy for an honest opinion

[Claire · Rating 4 out of 5]

3.5⭐

The last Emma Cooper book I read made me cry! This was a different type of story, about sisterly love rather than romantic. It's a very emotional read and as most people have lost someone, the feelings of grief and its power were relatable. Unfortunately this was not my favourite book, but I am looking forward to reading It Was Always You soon.

[Addie Dehart · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book is not without flaws. The humor misses the mark at times and the ending is rushed. However it focuses on one sweet family's struggle to overcome grief. I really enjoyed the family dynamics in this book. Although it took far too long for me to connect to the main character (I eventually did), the husband, Ed was amazing. And the family unit as a whole was one that I rooted for the entire book.

Popsugar 2021: Book with fewer than 1000 reviews.

[Emma Johnston · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book is described as a heart warming and uplifting book about saying goodbye, its been described by others as a lighthearted look at grief. The story is told from the perspective of Jen, who loses her sister Kerry in an accident at the start of the book, and Jen's husband Ed - who battles to hold his family together in some way as his wife falls apart- not forgetting the other family who are punctuated throughout as the supporting cast.
Unfortunately I found this book to be quite slow paced - lots of things happened but not much happened at any pace, and if anything I felt the grief was absolutely overwhelming - I can imagine were I to lose my sister that my grief would be overwhelming too, but as a disconnected reader peering in at this story I really struggled to stay connected throughout the book to Jen because she grew a bit tiresome (& the image of Kerry was a bit of a stretch for me too). I wish we had had longer at the beginning with the sisters together, so that the relationship bond had been more cemented in our minds from the outset.
The writing in some parts is outstanding, and in the main is descriptively really well thought out, but I think there needed to be more layering, or more character substance.
Thank you to Headline books & NetGalley for provided me with a copy of the book in exchange for an honest, unbiased review.

[Debbie · Rating 4 out of 5]

Jennifer Jones' life began when her little sister, Kerry, was born. So when her sister dies in a tragic accident, nothing seems to make sense any more. But Jen has the support of her amazing husband, Ed, and their wonderful children and she begins to come out of the fog. But will that be enough when the memories of Kerry are all around? 

While this one was very much about love and loss and grief, it was also uplifting and written beautifully with some unexpected humour. I loved Jen's relationship with Ed, the way the author canvassed the effect of grief on the entire family and the humour which brought some lightness to the reading. An emotional read and thoroughly enjoyable.

[Agi · Rating 5 out of 5]

Jennifer’s younger sister Kerry dies in an accident, being hit by a car, saving Jen’s life at the same time. Jen’s whole world changes. She loved her sister so much, Kerry was her best friend, and now she’s gone. Jennifer is racked with survivor’s guilt and it nearly split her and her whole family’s lives apart. Will they manage to survive those dark moments?

The characters that Emma Cooper has created are absolutely brilliant, and not only the main ones, but also the children, Jen’s parents or Nessa and her daughter. They all feel real and relatable. I loved Jen and Ed’s relationship – it was so raw yet it was so clear that they were perfect for each other, and it broke my heart more than once to see how Kerry’s death affected their marriage.
I liked Jen. Even though there were moments she was too much for me with her behaviour, even though her actions were sometimes hard to understand (yes, I know she was grieving! I know she had problems!), I fell for her and her pain. Sure, sometimes I wanted to shake her, to remind her there are people loving her around her but nevertheless her grief was so well written, the author has got into her head so well that I simply couldn’t not like her.
I also adored Ed. My heart went to him so often – you know, I could somehow relate to him as I also have seen my own husband dealing with me in my darkest times, so I really could understand Ed’s feelings. He was so strong, so brave and he loved Jen unconditionally. His chapters were sometimes heart – breaking but they also added so much lightness and humour.

The book was a bit on the slow side and there were moments that it dragged a bit, though when something happened then it left me with open mouth, so not bad then  What I also would love is a bit more time with the two sisters together – you can say there was incredible bond between them and I would love to see how they worked together, not only read about it but see with my own eyes.

It’s actually a very powerful and emotionally strong story touching upon grief and mental health and the way it affects whole families and single person. It’s sad beneath the surface but the author manages to sneak the funny elements to the story as well, thus creating a very well balanced tale that is neither too depressing nor overly hilarious, and I think she has found the magic middle. I think the author has really well dealt with grief and even though it was sometimes overpowering, it was done in such a way that I always sympathized with the characters – though feel warned that maybe sometimes it’ll be too much for you as it’s a bitter – sweet, raw and honest description of dealing with grief.

It’s a beautifully written book, folks, really. Emma Cooper has a way with words, she has proven this already with her previous books and she also doesn’t disappoint with „If I Could Say Goodbye“. There is lightness to her writing, it’s easy to follow yet there is also enough depth to it, and she can beautifuly and with sensitivity write about feelings and emotions – I could feel the grief and sadness that Jen exudes but also the desperation and uncertainty of Ed. There is joy in her writing, there is also sadness and yes, I had some problems with getting into the book, no idea why, but on the whole it was a captivating story that had me invested in the characters’ lives. Truly recommended!

Copy provided by the publisher in return for an honest review.

[Jo Shaw · Rating 5 out of 5]

When I received this book from Headline I was so excited. Emma’s previous novel, The First Time I Saw You was emotional and one of my favourite books of the winter months, so I must admit I prepared myself to have my heartstrings firmly tugged by this book. It’s probably no secret to people who read my blog that I am a crier, I cry at the slightest thing in books particularly when I become completely involved in the story. This book, If I Could Say Goodbye, ticked my cry box, and boy did I cry! I had carried this book around for a few days, but did not pick it up to read until about 4:30am this morning, and everything stopped, I couldn’t put it down, and even needed my husband to make lunch because I just could not stop reading! Him working from home since the start of lockdown really does have some benefits!

This book follows the story of Jen and her husband Ed following the death of Jen’s younger sister Kerry. Jen is wracked with survivors guilt, and it takes her further and further from her devoted husband Ed, and their two children Hailey and Oscar. The story alternates between Jen and Ed and you get a multi-dimensional view of both of their thoughts in the situations that take place, but you also get a strong impression of what an impact Jen’s grief has on her young children. I really felt for both Hailey and Oscar, who were affected in different ways as their mother took a step back from them while she was lost in her memories of her sister Kerry. Ed was such a beautiful character, and was so supportive and understanding. I also adored that he turned to YouTube to find out how to braid his daughter’s hair!

This book was so powerful, and poignant, but although the loss and grief experienced was almost painful to read, there were humorous moments that brought a light to the darkness of the prose. It was such a beautifully written book by Emma Cooper, filled with effortless and almost poetic prose in such an emotive setting.

[Emma · Rating 5 out of 5]

If I Could Say Goodbye is a heartwarming exploration of grief, moving on and learning to live again after loss that also examines how mental health is affected by trauma, loss and guilt, this book was a surprising balm for my soul.

When Jen’s sister Kerry is killed after being hit by a car, she not only loses her sister, but her best friend too. The pair were inseparable. Her grief is further magnified by the guilt she feels as Kerry died after pushing her out of the way of the car. Jen feels she should have been the one to die that day and can’t come to terms with why she was spared instead of the sister she adored. As she descends deeper into her grief, those around her watch helplessly as they wonder if Jen will ever find the strength to let go, move on and live life without her sister by her side.

This was so beautifully written. Intricate, layered and moving, the overwhelming sense of loss is palpable, emanating from every page. But with exquisite skill, the author has laced the poignant prose with humour that lightens the heavy subject matter. The characters were relatable, likeable and richly drawn and the story took me on a journey I didn’t expect as Jen’s mental health began to deteriorate. I found I saw a lot of myself in Jen and could relate to her guilt over not doing more to save a loved one and her spiraling mental health that ultimately led to breakdown. The author captures perfectly the feeling of knowing you’re going over the edge and breaking but also being unable to stop it. But the character who broke me was Ed, for in him I saw my partner and for the first time truly felt like I understood how it was for him when I was at my lowest points. I felt like I was living every moment beside these characters and was completely absorbed and invested in their lives.

Powerful, immersive, heart-wrenching and hopeful, this is one of those books that simply needs to be experienced. So, please read it. Just make sure you’ve got some tissues nearby when you do. I’m now off to buy Emma Cooper’s back catalogue...

[Sarah · Rating 4 out of 5]

Thank you to Headline and Netgalley for giving me access to the ARC of If I Could Say Goodbye by Emma Cooper in exchange for an honest review.

I really enjoyed this book, despite the odd grammar mistake due to being an early edit. It is an emotional read, and it takes a very special book to make a reader feel such empathy for the characters in a book. It is written extremely well and I will definitely look out for more books from the same author.

The story follows Jennifer Jones and her family after her younger sister, and best friend, tragically dies after pushing Jennifer out of the way of an oncoming car. Jennifer struggles with the loss of her sister and feels immensely guilty because the car was heading for her and therefore she feels that her sister's death is her fault.

As time passes and Jennifer's grief and guilt takes a firmer hold, she begins seeing her sister and having imaginary conversations with her. The closer she feels to her sister, the further she is pushed away from her family - her loving husband Ed, her gorgeous children, and her parents - who all suffer as Jennifer struggles to battle between hanging on to her sister and hanging on to her family. She has to let go of one of them, and that's what this story explores. Who will she choose?

The story is told in both Jennifer's perspective and her husband's so we can both experience first hand the grief and turmoil Jennifer goes through, as well as the impact on her family as a whole.

[Tea Leaves and Reads · Rating 4 out of 5]

I think I only discovered Emma Cooper's books this year, or the latter end of last year, so I was delighted to be approved for an advanced copy of her latest book (coming September 2020). Emma Cooper has a real talent for writing books that tug at your heart strings and make you reach for the tissues and cry with laughter as well as sadness. This book was no exception.

I have to say, I'll always have a favourite of Emma's books, and this isn't it. But that's because her books will be four or five star reads depending on the time of your life that you read them in. They are deeply personal and highly emotive, and they will blow your mind if you can connect to them on another level as a result of the topics covered being personal to you. These are books to read for pleasure, and for comfort. There will be a time in your life that you'll reach for this book again, I can be certain of that for me anyway.

[Way_Word_Bibliophile · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is my first book by Emma Cooper and it was a beautiful, poignant, heartbreaking novel. It is sensitive and a well written book. It's a grate story about family and mental health and is quite emotional. It did have humor to lighten the readers mood. I finished it in one sitting and didn't ever think I could like a book about grief but the way the Author has added light hearted moments kept me want to read more. It was paced well and kept me engaged. Its gave me so many feels and emotions...the way the sisters love each other is just too emotional. The story really hit me and I am a fan of the authors writing. I laughed, I cried and felt every emotion. I definitely recommend it. Thanks to NetGalley and the Publisher for an advance review copy in exchange for an honest review.

[Sara Oxton · Rating 5 out of 5]

If I Could Say Goodbye by Emma Cooper an emotion wringing five-star read. This is my first read by this author but it wont be the last, oh my goodness I adored this story, I started it on a morning when I wasn’t feeling great and just wanted to hide away and this did just that, it sucked me into the pages and held me tightly until the last few pages. Grief affects us all differently the author showed great compassion and empathy when portraying how these characters grieved, I think that’s why I loved this story so much, it wasn’t your usual they lost someone and were sad then life magically got better, the author here shows us grief turns everyone’s lives upside down, and people deal with it differently, it doesn’t affect us all the same way, some don’t feel it as deeply and some it will break. It was refreshing getting Jennifer and Ed’s POV that brought something to the story, it added extra layers that made this a deeper story that spat me out at the end feeling hung over but feeling better.

[Laura Jones · Rating 4 out of 5]

When Jen’s sister dies protecting her, Jen disappears down a spiral of guilt, shame and grief. Which not only impacts her life, but her husband and children’s lives too.

A book about grief and the loneliness of being left behind, make sure you read this with a box of tissues next to you.

I voluntarily read and reviewed an advanced copy of this book. All thoughts and opinions are my own.

[Steph Lawrence · Rating 5 out of 5]

What a fabulous book. Happy and sad. Funny and serious. It pulled my emotions this way and that.
Loved the notebook challenges, and the movie quotes.
Told from the point of view by Jen and husband Ed.
Emma Cooper writes beautifully and hilariously, and I related to so many things.

[TBHONEST · Rating 5 out of 5]

If I Could Say Goodbye is a stunning and emotionally charged read, full of characters that make you feel as if you know them well. An absolutely fantastic read, that would be great for book clubs.

[Rachael Fraser · Rating 4 out of 5]

A really good book about grief and the after affects it can have on people.

[Jenny Sharp · Rating 3 out of 5]

3.5 stars. I really liked the characters and overall plot line but felt it was too long and at times this made some of the writing a little tedious. Would definitely read another by this author though.

[Ivana · Rating 4 out of 5]

Quite an interesting story and book. Speaking as somebody who lost sb. very important and close this year, it really makes you think about certain things and choices.

[Jen James · Rating 5 out of 5]

If I Could Say Goodbye is a story of grief. Not the usual story of the death of a spouse/partner, parent or child, but that of a younger sibling. The parents’ grief being secondary to Jen’s.

I’ll be honest, in the early stages the book didn’t grip me, my mind did wander. Please don’t let that put you off. I can’t remember at which point this changed, but very soon I was racing through the book, completely absorbed. Literally fitting in reading a few pages here and there, whenever I could, as well as reading chapter after chapter in a reading binge when possible. I genuinely didn’t know where the book was going, what would happen next.

Each person’s experience of grief is very personal, and individual, and the effect it can have on their mental health. Initially I thought Jen was using adrenaline to make her feel alive, and possibly struggling with survivor guilt. Mental health is being talked about so much more openly currently, thankfully. Sadly there is still judgement for those struggle from some people, as Jen experiences.

If I Could Say Goodbye is a heartbreaking and raw story of grief, and how far it reaches into the lives of all those affected.
I strongly recommend this book, and if, like me, you aren’t initially drawn straight in, keep reading. It’s worth persevering for.

[The Lotus Readers · Rating 5 out of 5]

What an incredibly emotional read this was for me. I found myself having a good old cry at 4am over Jen and her family’s story. It begins when Jennifer is adopted by a childless couple and four years later gets an unexpected little sister. Kerry is a determined, mischievous and curious little girl and the pair are incredibly close. In adulthood, the two are still inseparable. Jen now has husband Ed and two children while Kerry has a long term partner in Nessa, who she is hoping to propose to. When a terrible accident happens while the sisters are on a shopping trip, Kerry is killed. Now Jen needs to find a way to carry on living, but the survivor’s guilt and grief are very strong. As Jen starts to lose herself in her memories of her sister, it becomes clear that Jen can’t let Kerry go. Yet, by keeping hold of her sister, will she end up losing her own family?

This is my second book by Emma Cooper and after reading this she has been bumped up to my list of favourites - those authors where I know I’m guaranteed a great story, emotional impact and believable characters. She has the talent to combine a big emotional punch, with a sprinkling of humour which isn’t easy to do. I honestly fell in love with these characters and their relationships with each other. Jen is a very organised and capable woman, who loves spending time with her family and creating a beautiful home. I loved her with Ed and the way the author has created a balance of the romantic and the mundane into their relationship. There’s enough of a love story to draw us in, but we see the normality too as they get the children ready for school, do the grocery shop and get involved with school activities. Underneath the daily grind though is a strong love and passion for each other. Yet it is becoming tested by changes in Jen. Ed has noticed that Jen doesn’t seem as organised as usual and is often staring off into space. Then at other times she is almost over-excited and far be it from him to complain about more sex, but well, he wasn’t complaining exactly... it just isn’t like his wife. He worries, but labels these changes as part of the grieving process. He doesn’t know what we know. Jen can still see Kerry and talk to her, she’s fuelling the recklessness he’s seen such as daring Jen to leap off a cliff into the sea. There’s a point when Ed realises that this isn’t just getting lost in memories. For Jen, Kerry is as real as he is or even the children and what will he do when this starts to affect them?

This was a tough, but loving and humorous portrayal of the journey relationships take when one partner is struggling mentally. I found the alternate chapters between Jen and Ed so effective because we can see the same events through both sets of eyes, sometimes with very conflicting results. I was so torn because I loved both of them, I wanted them to be together but I could understand each viewpoint. Ed wants his wife back, the person he fell in love with and his best friend. He wants to be a family, but wants to protect their children too. Jen has a heartbreaking dilemma. Does she follow medical advice and take the pills that might make Kerry disappear forever? She feels like she’s killing her sister again. The psychiatrist who sees Jen and diagnoses complicated grief understands what she’s feeling. This is survivor’s guilt. Jen wonders why she survived and Kerry didn’t. Kerry saved her life by pushing her away from the oncoming vehicle. In Jen’s mind she’s already killed her once.

This was a tough read because I struggle with complicated grief. In 2007, as regular readers will know, my husband died from pneumonia as a complication of Primary Progressive Multiple Sclerosis. It had been coming for some time, but for the final year of his life I was his carer for 24 hours almost every day, unless I had a Marie Curie nurse. He was dependent on me for food, drink, medication and all bodily functions, even breathing. Three months before he died I agreed that he needed to be admitted to a nursing home from hospital. One of our carers was injured and I couldn’t have managed. I knew when I made that choice it was very likely he would die. For a few weeks afterwards I would see him out of the corner of my eye, sitting in his wheelchair looking out into the garden. I could also hear the mechanism of his wheelchair and a little beep it used to make. I realised that this wasn’t really Jerzy, this was me being unable to let go. In therapy I talked about survivor’s guilt and how I felt I had killed him by sanctioning the nursing home. I knew rationally I couldn’t have done anything else, but emotionally it’s been very hard to accept my own choice. I also have multiple sclerosis but in a milder form and I discuss choices and possibilities at length with my new partner, because I would hate him to go through the same thing. Reading this was emotional, I did cry, but I also felt less alone with my experience.

The author has taken a really tough subject, but made it warm and humorous. I love the way Kerry is often doing things she did as a little girl like standing on her head or blowing bubblegum. She also sits in the oddest places and actively tries to make Jen laugh. The wider family were lovely too, willing to support and help out with the children or Jen. Her mum is always full of good sensible advice and their acceptance of this peculiar phenomenon is brilliant. The final scenes choked me up. They made me sad for what I lost back then as well as for Jen. I was desperate for her and Ed to make it and come back together as a family. The night I finished the book I was an angling widow! My partner and my brother went night fishing, so I was alone for the final chapters. I had a good cry on the dog - he’s very absorbent. I found myself very thankful for the new chance of love that I’ve had with my partner over the last couple of years. All I wanted to do was hold him close and tell him how much I loved him. This is an honest story about how complicated grief can be, but never lets us forget that where there is grief there is always great love.

[Ciara Rosney · Rating 5 out of 5]

Jennifer Jones' life began when her little sister, Kerry, was born. So when her sister dies in a tragic accident, nothing seems to make sense anymore. Despite the support of her husband, Ed, and their wonderful children, Jen can't comprehend why she is still here, while bright, spirited Kerry is not. When Jen starts to lose herself in her memories of Kerry, she doesn't realise that the closer she feels to Kerry, the further she gets from her family. Jen was never able to say goodbye to her sister. But what if she could?

This is my first read by Cooper but I know it definitely won't be the last. I expected this to be hard-hitting and depressing, which it was, but I also found my cheeks aching from the number of times I laughed or smiled. Being able to make my tears of sadness change into tears of utter laughter by a turn of the page is a talent it seems only Cooper possesses, and I applaud her for that.

What Cooper managed to do with each character is so unique in the way they were all relatable and realistic. We go between the point of view of Jennifer and Ed, who are so different yet even just reading their story made it obvious how perfect they are for each other. Their marriage and family dynamic was something I crave mine to be like should I ever choose to get married and have children myself. I loved them both individually and I loved them as a couple. It isn't often I find myself rooting so hard for fictional characters.

The subjects of love and loss broke my heart. Although we read from Jen's point of view more than Ed's, I found myself getting excited to read his chapters. The desperation and utter defeat he felt as Jen's life began to unravel was excruciating. The steady decline in her mental health was something I almost missed at the beginning and reading of Ed stepping up to try and juggle everything after Jen's struggle is brought to light made me want to climb into the book and give him a big hug - and I'm not a hugger.

Although there is a lot of humour and moments of happiness, there is always the reminder that Kerry has gone and she won't be coming back. It's horrific and broke my heart into too many pieces to count. The normal family routine of managing life at home with the children or Jen and Ed trying to find some alone time to be intimate made it clear that even though everyone goes through such terrible loss, life simply goes on. It can be hard, yes, but you have to push through the dark cloud.

I laughed, I cried, I choked on my drink during a handful of hilariously cringe-worthy scenes (I will never be able to look at Channing Tatum the same way again). This powerfully moving book is simply stunning and definitely one to read. I also couldn't help but constantly think about how well this would work as a film - maybe one day!

[Anne · Rating 4 out of 5]

I have read, reviewed and adored Emma Cooper's two previous books; The Songs of Us and The First Time I Saw You, so was delighted to receive my copy of If I Could Say Goodbye.

Once again, this talented author has produced a story that brings a great big lump to the throat as she details the unrelenting grief that main character Jennifer experiences when her younger sister Kerry tragically dies. However, as with her previous novels, there's a huge injection of humour too and I found myself going from wiping away tears of sadness, to mopping up the tears caused by hilarity. This is a skill, and this author has it in spades.

There's a different feeling to this book, whilst it is still packed with carefully created and colourful characters, there's an edge to it that I didn't feel when I read the author's first two books. That's not a criticism, I think it shows that Emma Cooper is growing in confidence whilst retaining her own style.

The story is told through the voices of Jennifer and her husband Ed, with tiny appearances from the late Kerry, but only Jennifer can 'see' Kerry, and that's a cause of both concern and comfort for her. Jennifer is wracked with survivor guilt; replaying the moment that Jennifer died, over and over again. Imagining if things had been different; if she hadn't been looking down at her phone; if Jennifer hadn't moved quickly. Ed, on the other hand, whilst devastated about the loss of Kerry, is also trying to cope with Jennifer's reactions whilst holding together things for their two children.

Emma Cooper slowly and perfectly creates a bond with her readers. At times the story is quite slow-paced, but we are learning about Jennifer and Kerry, and their incredibly close relationship. Ed's chapters are a little more frivolous, whilst he has his own struggles, he faces them with a humour that is endearing. He's one of those male characters that you cannot help but fall just a little in love with.

Overall, this is a story of grief, guilt and love. It is an in-depth look at how one tragic moment can impact our entire lives, and how that moment can make us constantly reevaluate ourselves and everything around us.

If I Could Say Goodbye is a deeply personal, sensitively written story with a healthy injection of humour. A little bit quirky, very powerful and packed with love. Recommended by me.

[We(e) Read(s) · Rating 5 out of 5]

I knew within the first 20 pages of starting If I Could Say Goodbye by Emma Cooper that it was going to become one of my favourite books of the year. Her beautiful writing drew me in immediately, how she conjures these amazingly likeable, relatable characters and makes you feel as though you’ve known them your whole life. I devoured this book in 2 days and I already miss it!

When Jen loses her sister Kerry in a tragic accident she is overcome with grief and guilt. Over time she begins to lose herself in her memories of Kerry, to the detriment of everything and everyone else. Her husband, Ed, and her two children are out of their minds with worry and nothing they do or say seems to get through to her. Will Jen ever be able to find the courage and inner strength to let go of her best friend and try to move on?

Chapters from Jen’s point of view alternate with chapters written from Ed’s perspective as the reader is shown how Kerry’s death, Jen’s consequent grief and serious and lengthy struggles with her mental health affect her marriage, relationships with her children and ability to effectively function on a day to day basis. These issues are handled in a thought-provoking and sensitive way, made all the more poignant as we are able to see first hand how special Jen and Kerry’s relationship was.

If I could marry a character in any book then Jen’s husband Ed would be right up there at the top of my list. But then, he’s so smitten with his actual wife he definitely wouldn’t be interested in me (also, I realise, he is fictional). I thought what this book did particularly well was to show how vital support from family members can be to those struggling with feelings of regret and loss. Without Ed’s patience, perseverance and love this would have been a very different story.

It seemed unlikely, I thought, that a novel that deals with the death of a sibling, grief and difficulties in letting go would be uplifting. But this book is so so far from dark and depressing. Yes, it has its sad, lump in throat moments. But it’s also so witty, funny, and full of love and hope that it left me feeling all positive and with a heart that was thoroughly warmed!

This was the first of Emma Cooper’s novels that I’ve ever read but it certainly won’t be my last. A beautiful book both inside and out.

With thanks to Headline Books for gifting me a digital copy to review.

[Georgina · Rating 3 out of 5]

Jennifer’s sister Kerry is, quite simply, the love of her life. So when Kerry’s life is cut tragically short by an OAP driving with a dodgy windscreen wiper, Jennifer is unable to cope. Why did she survive when Kerry died? How is she meant to live in a world without her sister? And will she ever find a way to say goodbye?

So, this is my first book by Emma Cooper, and I requested it on NetGalley after seeing other reviews comment on how it was surprisingly light in tone. This unusual premise really stood out to me - a lighthearted take on grief is something rarely explored, and so I was eager to see how it worked. And for the most part, I was quite impressed - there was so much humour and levity in these pages that it did end up being surprisingly uplifting, and I was definitely left giggling quite a few times!

Unfortunately, although its humorous moments were very well written, ‘If I Could Say Goodbye’ broke the unspoken rule of emotional writing - show not tell. I was told all about the amazing bond between the two sisters, but I couldn’t feel it. I think part of that is because Kerry dies only a few pages into the book, and so you don’t get the chance to see the relationship for yourself, and it’s instead mainly told through flashbacks - again, being told not shown. This meant I struggled to connect with the book or it’s characters on an emotional level.

So altogether, it was a real mixed bag for me. I loved the humour and lightness, and thought that it was a really unique take on grief and how it affects how you live your life. However, the emotional element of the novel was lacking for me, which was a real shame as an emotional connection would have made it much stronger of a read for me. However, Cooper is clearly a skilled author, and I wouldn’t hesitate to read more of her work.

Disclaimer - I was fortunate enough to be provided with an advance reading copy of this book by NetGalley. This has not affected my review in any way, and all opinions are my own.